The Welcoming Committee!
HOORAY! We are here.
Committing to come play in an adventure is a big thing. I am glowing admiration and appreciation for all of us.
I have a love letter.
And then there will be a picture of a pickle.
First: the love letter.
My love,
The moment you pressed the button of YES, you said YES to a grand adventure, as well as to getting to know the possibilities that it holds.
Here are some things I try to remember about saying YES to a voyage:
1. Saying YES to a voyage can sometimes feel vulnerable, even scary.
This is normal and to be expected. There is a very good reason for this.
2. A voyage — especially a voyage like this one — changes us.
There’s really no good way around this. It just does.
3. Not in a bad way.
It’s not like becoming someone else.
You’re still you. It’s just better.
You become more of yourself. Filled up with shining, radiant you-ness.
Maybe more at ease with yourself. More there. More at home in your life, and more at home making conscious, loving changes in your life. More congruence, more presence.
4. Except yeah, change can be hard.
Even desired change. Internal shifting is intense. Identity stuff.
5. There are parts of us who are deeply invested in these changes not happening.
Grooves of patterns. Samskaras. Neurons running down their familiar pathways. Old fear and hurt. Monster brigades.Sad, scared, younger versions of us who forget that now is not then.
They don’t want us to have this experience. They don’t want to lose us.
And they suspect that once we do this, they won’t be able to keep us paralyzed with fear anymore.
6. Forces in motion. Equal and opposite reaction.
So in that moment of making a commitment to the forces of positive change, we’ve set something in motion.
And that something includes all the forces of resistance that DON’T want it. Ack! No motion! Make it stop!
We have invoked the wanting, and in doing so we may have woken up aspects of us who are afraid of what will happen when we get it.
The desire fights with the fear of what is desired. And sometimes, along with the excitement of voyaging, some of us experience this as: anxiety, heart-palpitations, oh-dear-lord-what-have-I-done?!
So. This page exists to remind you that if this happens to show up for you, nothing is wrong and you are not alone. The resistance is a sign that you really do want it. And yes, it is not fun.
7. Fear is legitimate, and not the whole truth.
Anxiety, if it shows up, is not the entirety of you. Like any other feeling, it is a temporary part of you: a pattern that you are experiencing and living out.
So we can approach this Playground-style. Instead of being defined by our patterns, we get to interact with your patterns:
“Fear. This feels familiar. Oh, right.
“This is information. This is useful. This is normal. This is interesting.
“So. How can I interact with this? What elements do I recognize? Where are the gaps? What do I need to feel safe and supported?”
8. Sometimes it helps to call it by name.
In moments of big feelings about saying YES to the adventure, if that’s what is coming up for you, you can try naming it for what it is:
This is me, going through the normal thing that happens upon saying yes to the big adventure. And I get to interact with this experience. It’s not happening to me. I am approaching it.
9. The experience has already begun.
Often we think that the voyage is happening on the dates marked off for it on the calendar, and that’s not really true.
The adventure and all the emotion that goes along with it begins the moment we say yes.
Something has been set in motion. All of this is normal. All of it is okay.
10. Know that you are loved and adored.
You are welcome and you belong. No one expects anything of you except for what is already there.
The adventure will happen as it needs to happen. Deep exhale.
Next! What happens now?
So we know signing up for a Grand Adventure like this can brings up a variety of emotions, including some of the less fun ones like panic, trepidation and anxiety. And a chorus of monsters.
We know that this is normal, acceptable and reasonable.
What do we do about it?
We experiment and play. Without diving into the hard and the scary, just acknowledging its existence. Playing at the edges.
We get grounded and centered, knowing the fluttery butterflies are part of adventuring.
There are many ways to do this. One way is skipping stones.
Stone skipping.
Stone skipping is when you take a question and let it skip like a stone across the water of consciousness, rippling out and taking you wherever it takes you.
It’s a way of processing the hard instead of being in the hard, and interacting with the walls instead of banging on them or being trapped by them.
Learning about what is hard instead of being impressed by the hard.
Here are fourteen possible stones.
You could choose one, or as many as you like.
This is how I begin: I take a breath. And then another one. Then I grab pen and paper, or open a text document for writing, drawing or doodling.
I pick a stone and let it ripple out.
- What do I need right now?
- If I am experiencing fear/anxiety or pain about this, whose is it?
- What’s a pattern at play here? And how will I lovingly, creatively and non-violently begin to interact with it?
- What would it look like if I entered this voyage as I want to be in it?
- Is what I’m feeling right now reminding me of something from then? How is now is different than then?
- Any parts of me who need safe rooms? How do those rooms look/feel?
- What is my current metaphor for this experience? What if I changed it?
- What do I already know about fractal flowers?
- If I am the fox in the video game, what are my options for dealing with this particular challenge?
- Who are my allies? What are my resources?
- What superpowers do I have? These can be mundane or imaginary or anything you like.
- How can I say hello to this experience?
- Where is the treasure in this?
- What needs to change in my kingdom?
A quest.
Just something to play with.
- IF you are coming to the Playground for Rally, or if you are coming to the Secret Sword Society (Secret! Sword! Society!), you don’t have to do anything here. Skip some stones if you’d like. Conscious entry!
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IF you are signing up for Crossing the Line or a retreat with me, please submit either:
a) a response to at least two of the stone skipping questions,
b) a description of how you are practicing meeting your fears and taking care of yourself to prepare for this experience, or
c) a negotiation conversation with a monster or a sad, scared self about this voyage.
If you like, you can also respond to:d) Pickles! Pickles?
Let it be noted that these do not have to be finely crafted essays. Rambling incoherently totally counts. If these stress you out and you need to write something else, do that instead. 🙂
You’ll want to use the Art of Embarking too.
That’s the quest? Stones and pickles?
An internal quest! Which is really the best kind.
Also, less doom-filled than an application. No applications and no doom! Just a process.
Next steps. (Crossing the Line participants only)
FIRST: Email your responses to the First Mate (support AT fluentself DOT com) with the subject 8 Day Voyage questing for Havi.
AND! You can take the patterns you’ve identified and play with them.
And of course you can always keep skipping stones as often as you like until the time for coming to the Playground is here. 🙂
With appreciation, adoration and love!
Havi
