Announcement / if you want a copy of Emergency Calm Down Techniques

I have been reeling hard lately in some cursed combination of heartache, numbness, political anxiety, winter stuff and some wild panic episodes.

Have been holding on (for dear life) to my Emergency Calm The Hell Down Techniques from a long time ago, and that’s been helping me.

I am giving away a copy of these (ebook + audio recordings) to anyone who gives any sum of money at all to the appreciation funds / discretionary fund in the hopes that we can all keep practicing together, for each other and for the collective, and also for ourselves in these scary times. ❤️

Talk pie-based freedom celebrations to me, and other wishes

Where we are at this week

Last time I talked about my complex feelings, and unclear or at least conflicting desires that come up around the time of American Thanksgiving, and holidays in general. (I want to be alone! I hate feeling lonely!)

Anyway, I did some processing and free-form journaling about how I can get all tangled up in my stuff about that this time of year, and tried to get a little more clarity on what I do want, and how to remain strong and clear and vibrant within the solitude that just is right now.

So this time, I wanted to do a little review (or a revue, if you prefer) of how last week went, what worked and what didn’t, what I’m learning from these ongoing experiments and maybe wish some new wishes.

What surprised me?

I did not fall apart on either American Thanksgiving or the Eve Of, the two known times when I can get just really messed up.

Instead, just to mix things up this year, I had my big falling apart Tuesday afternoon, and then basically all of Friday when I felt just bereft and overwhelmed with grief and loneliness, so that was unexpected and I guess interesting. Like, okay, it’s not a particularly fun mystery, but it’s a data point!

What worked!

Wednesday I did food prep and cleaning, and a friend who was also doing the holiday alone kept me company by phone, and that was really lovely.

I also downloaded a bunch of podcast episodes while I was at the library, and that was a very good call.

Thursday I did a four hour morning workout, then made green chile stew and roasted grapes in cinnamon, brown sugar, pomegranate vinegar and flaky salt (highly recommend), and had more phone time with my friend who was also in solo holiday mode.

In the afternoon, my friend Cate came to visit, and we went for a lovely hike on forest service land, so I got conversation and hugs and time with trees, all of which are very good for me, a person who lives alone in the middle of nowhere and doesn’t actually need more alone time.

What helped!

I was really astoundingly honest with people in my life about how I was doing on the hard days, which is just so scary and vulnerable, and, also, good to remember: people are kind and understanding about this stuff, because they also know what it’s like to struggle with losses of their own.

On Friday, when I was really struggling, a friend instructed me to go spend fifteen minutes outside wandering and to take photos of something beautiful for him, so I did and yes, it helped.

Other friends sent photos of their adorable dogs, blessings upon the cute dogs and their cute bellies.

People also confirmed for me that all the black Friday energy is really and truly overwhelming. And even though I don’t participate and wasn’t online, there is just a lot of ambient frantic energy in the world around this time, and if you like me are a sensitive flower who gets easily undone by stuff like that, that’s a factor too. Good to remember. Whoosh, goodbye, to that energy that is not mine.

Pie-Based Freedom Celebrations / Freedom-Based Pie Celebrations

I had an interesting conversation with Kristi about last week’s essay; she said she noticed that contemplating anything regarding freedom made her feel wistful, but also, as a pie-lover specifically, she found herself perking up at the idea of multiple slices of pie.

This is a good reminder to me. Often I take all my freedom for granted and forget to celebrate it. The fact that I have no one to celebrate holidays with and no external expectations of what food to make or when to eat it are all in fact forms of freedom regardless of how lonely I feel or do not. That is in fact worthy of celebrating.

Also I just love the idea of a pie-based freedom celebration, or a freedom-based pie celebration, or an anything-based dessert celebration. A feast of liberations.

Wouldn’t it be fun to just hide out and focus on pie. I love the PBFC. It needs a logo and a motto and a tiny personal pie fridge with a magnet on it:

FREEDOM in the PBFC!

What else is known? What else could be known

I am definitely going to need to do more journaling on freedom and finding my way into appreciation for the ways in which I am not bound by convention or by anything, by virtue of my solitude.

What else is known or could be known or discovered/revealed about this festival of freedom? Will this quality become easier to celebrate over time?

Let’s keep investigating the questions. Let’s skip some stones.

What is meaningful?

This week I reflected a lot on my connection with Michael, my wise, creative, loving, warm-hearted chef friend who died this past year, and how much I wanted his wisdom and guidance as I experimented with food this week and felt sad missing him.

Next year I’d like to make something specifically for him, use one of his recipes in my menu, maybe his salsa macha, maybe his green chile lemonade muffins.

Playfulness and Innovation

For me, Playfulness & Innovation are qualities that go together. It’s not just that they complement and enhance each other, although they do. It’s that I think they require each other if that makes sense.

Innovation is most fun and exciting and spark-filled when it feels playful. The playfulness brings a lightheartedness to the work of innovating.

And play on its own can sometimes get a bit lost. In the way that we can tend to stick to or repeat familiar things. But when you add innovation, play really soars.

I don’t know exactly how these qualities, on their own and in combination, are going to connect for me and spark new ideas, but they feel important right now so that’s why I’m bringing them up. Maybe it’s a clue for you too.

Something about: A sign that is not a sign

On my hike with Cate on forest service land, we kept seeing signs that had nothing on them, just blank pieces of wood. The high desert sun had wiped them clean.

I sent a picture of one to my friend Will, the wildlife biologist who works at a wildlife refuge in Washington State, and he laughed. He says that doesn’t happen in the Pacific Northwest; the signs rot before they can be worn blank.

The signs make me laugh. It’s a signpost but it has no instruction. “Hey, you”, it might be saying. “I am a sign.” Or maybe, “You might be going in the right direction, who can say?”

Will it?

I had leftovers this week so I practiced a lot of Will It Waffle and Will It Taco, two fun games to play in the kitchen, if you wish to channel the qualities of playful and/or innovative too…

First I added some homemade chile oil to instant mashed potatoes. I used to be skeptical of instant mashed potatoes, but since my experiences with TBI and Long Covid, I now welcome the availability of a good shortcut.

Do they waffle? They waffle like a charm. Spicy potato waffles make a fantastic breakfast, no notes.

I also waffled the chocolate cinnamon banana bread, and yes, it waffles!

Then I noticed that the green chile stew leftovers had solidified into a mass, so I fried them up, added more instant mashed potato mix and homemade vegan cheese, and turned it into a taco filling. Totally worked.

God I want to tell Michael about this. He would be so happy. But maybe you will be happy with me too.

AWTLAB

Every morning and evening I jog slow figure-eights in my kitchen, and I do this Alone With (my) Thoughts Like A Barbarian (AWTLAB), because I don’t have wifi or a way to distract myself.

But this week a friend pointed out that it’s not just AWTLAB, but: alone with thoughts LIKE A COURAGEOUS BARBARIAN.

I thought about this, about the courage of just letting thoughts move while I move, over this holiday.

Especially given that, as far as I can tell from my friends, everyone I know has been stuck scrolling for like three days straight because the vibes are so bad.

While I don’t have wifi, so am just AWTLAB at all times, but maybe that’s good actually? Not being around the bad vibes and just jogging it out twice a day could be a surprise benefit to being in the deep solitude in the woods.

Reconfiguring

I actually had holiday plans this year, with the person who angrily and suddenly disappeared from my life, and I think I might be glad that didn’t work out, even though it was scary to have no plan.

The holiday got reconfigured, my heart got reconfigured, I am reconfiguring my sense of time and space as I go through this excruciating heart-healing process, and it happened how it happened.

Spending time outdoors was good. Cooking was good. Call A Friend as a lifeline was good. Jogging in the dark with just the light of the space heater was good.

Some of it was deeply intensely miserable. A parade of sparklepoints to me for sticking it out.

The superpowers remain, the superpowers abide

I am calling on/in/up the superpowers that help:

Love, Courage, Strength, Miracles
Asking for Guidance
IT SOLVES ITSELF
A better version / Do-Overs Forever
Luckily, X
Come on in, simple elegant solutions
What if this can be easier than i think
Clear the decks / clear the path to clear the path
Most Courageous Self To The Front / What would my most courageous self do?
How can I make strategizing PLAYFUL & INNOVATIVE?
There is wisdom in the side quests! What if I trust the wisdom in the side quests?!*

*Thanks to Holly for reminding me that side quests hold wisdom!

Bon Courage! Allez! We can do it!

Let’s consult with my Most Courageous Self / more courageous me about what can be done, what can help, how to break down the list of scary steps….

What if 97% of this anxiety turns out to be unnecessary? What if we just let it float away?

Most Courageous Self:

You are tough and scrappy, you have been through way harder situations than this. You know what helps.

You are brave and you try things. You are brave and you let yourself want things. You want better for yourself and the world. This matters. Your bravery matters. Each time it gets easier.

The more you clear space, the more clarity you will have.
The more you use what you have, the more joy you will feel.
The more you get rid of things in your space that are done or [from then], the more harmonious you will feel.

One small step and then the next step. Keep it moving. Rename the steps. You know how to be playful and innovative, so do that.

Have a one minute dance party. Ask for guidance. Quiet your heart and listen. It sounds cheesy, and also: it works. When in doubt, add a splash of lemon juice.

Time for some Very Personal Ads

I have two very big iguanas (that is to say, stuck situations, or things I am scared to look at or deal with) that need to be liberated this month, and I am calling on all possible help, support and miracles for that process, because it is asking me to be braver than I like to be.

I am asking for FORWARD MOVEMENT on both of those, but also surprise support, bravery, focus, loving clarity, compassion for past-me, and for it to somehow solve itself more easily than I could have imagined.

Additionally still asking for simple elegant solutions, miracles, surprise ease, beautiful clarity on the following:

• A working shower, some way somehow, or access to someone else’s
• A simple, easy, creative and affordable solution to the ventilation mysteries in the tiny trailer
• Help installing heat tape on the kitchen pipes before the cold spell hits so I don’t have to go outside and fill water from a pump.
• A good solution to doing laundry so that it doesn’t take up such a disproportionate amount of my limited time and energy
• Can I find my enthusiasm and motivation again? Where did they go? Does that matter? Is there a way to be playful and innovative here too? Or is the answer to remain patient and trust the seeds and the fractal magic? Some combination of all of the above?
• Last week about five different super stuck things just wonderfully solved themselves, I would like more of this please.

What beautiful wishes / what supports these wishes

And: how can I best support these wishes?

I can keep moving, I can keep asking for help and support in the world, I can keep supporting the collective through positive effort and warm thoughts and sharing what I know, I can remember that I am creative, playful and innovative, and try to channel these qualities for my own well-being and for the benefit of the collective.

A solo dance party helps. Going outside helps. Playing WILL IT TACO with leftovers helps. Trust in the process is hard and not fun, and also: One foot in front of the next. One step at a time, one breath at a time. Keeping on.

Some mysteries just take time and faith. Others take small steps, and just keep it moving.

I am going to try to stay attuned to what is needed, and not make any assumptions.

Seeding the seeds with love, patience, intention, care, curiosity and [WILD CARD]

Sometimes with wishes, the important part is naming the wish.

And then just doing a lot of compassionate noticing. It is (or can be) vulnerable and scary to name a wish, to let ourselves want, to have a need and express it.

I am seeding the seed, and adding Love, Patience, Intention, Care, Curiosity and all the WILD CARD qualities, whatever will help. Releasing attachment to outcome, to the best of my ability.

Let’s tend to the seeds and tend to our own hearts, and see how things go. Maybe the next indicated step will be revealed, or maybe these need to percolate for a while. We’ll know when we know.

In the meantime, let’s do whatever helps, one fractal, powerful, symbolic step at a time.

What do I need?

Heart breaths. To tend to my own tenderness. To look outside and appreciate the sunlight dancing on the high desert grasses. To keep jogging in my kitchen ALONE WITH MY THOUGHTS LIKE A BARBARIAN, to get me through this next month of Ever-Darker Ever-Earlier, and trust that the shift the other way is coming, as it always does.

Nothing is wrong. Lighting a candle for whatever helps, and so that we can remember that we are not alone. Love and appreciation to everyone who reads.

Come play in the comments, I appreciate the company

You are welcome to share anything that sparked for you while reading, anything that helped or clues received, or anything on your mind, wish some wishes, process what’s percolating…

I am lighting a candle for us and our beautiful heart-wishes. What a brave thing it is to allow ourselves to want something better for us and for the world.

Or if there’s anything you’d like to explore further or toss into the wishing pot, the healing power of the collective is no small thing, companionship helps.

Whatever comes to mind or heart. Let’s support each other’s hope-sparks…

Housekeeping note: You can subscribe to posts by email again!

If you aren’t seeing these updates in your in your email and want to, you can can solve that here.

This will pop up a new page on Follow.It that lets you subscribe via email, newsletter, or RSS reader. They say “expect 50 stories a week”, and that’s a very imaginary number, once a week is the dream.

I am emailing copies of the Emergency Calming Techniques package!

Anyone who gives to the Discretionary this week (more info below) will get my Emergency Calming Techniques package by email as a pdf. I am only checking email twice a week because I no longer have wifi at my place, long story, so be patient with me but if it doesn’t show up within the week then let me know!

I have some ideas for the next ebook too but if you do too, shoot me an email or share in the comments.

A request!

If you received clues or perspective or want to send appreciation for the writing and work/play we do here, I appreciate it tremendously.

I am accepting support (with joy & gratitude) in the form of Appreciation Money to the Discretionary Fund. Asking is not where my strength resides but Brave & Stalwart is the theme these days, and pattern-rewriting is the work, it all helps with fixing the many broken things.

And if those aren’t options, I get it, you can light a candle for support (or light one in your mind!), share this with someone who loves words, tell people about these techniques, approaches and themes, send them here, it all helps, it’s all welcome, and I appreciate it and you so much. ❤️

Announcement / if you want a copy of Emergency Calm Down Techniques

I have been reeling hard lately in some cursed combination of heartache, numbness, political anxiety, winter stuff and some wild panic episodes.

Have been holding on (for dear life) to my Emergency Calm The Hell Down Techniques from a long time ago, and that’s been helping me.

I am giving away a copy of these (ebook + audio recordings) to anyone who gives any sum of money at all to the appreciation funds / discretionary fund in the hopes that we can all keep practicing together, for each other and for the collective, and also for ourselves in these scary times. ❤️

A renewed understanding

Something about dread

As always this time of year, I am working through my dread around American Thanksgiving, a holiday I don’t participate in but, for reasons that are not entirely clear to me, I also experience agonizing levels of loneliness and melancholy around the day, and really the entire week.

I guess the part that is mysterious to me is that even though on the one hand, this day is associated with despair and loneliness and isolation for me, reality remains that I don’t actually wish to be invited anywhere.

And, let’s be honest, even if I didn’t have to protect my fragile immune system, I still wouldn’t go anywhere.

So what do I want? And what’s missing?

A related inquiry: What am I upset about and how come it hurts so much…? Let’s investigate…

I know the kind of day I want and I am the only one who can make that happen for me

The truth is, I like eating exactly what appeals to me, at exactly the time I feel ready for it.

I appreciate not having to make small talk, I like not dreading arguments or intrusive questions.

Most of all, I enjoy knowing I don’t have to participate in any of the adjacent stress and nonsense around American Thanksgiving. And here I’m referring both to the history and backstory of the holiday, as well as the high tension levels present at most family gatherings.

And yet, there it is. The week of the holiday arrives and I am in a big mood, one that is composed of 90% loneliness and 10% if someone doesn’t hug me right now I will perish.

Which I guess is also loneliness, just a more specific flavor.

Last year

Last year my wonderful friend Michael kept me good company by text throughout the fall, as a sounding board for talking through menu plans for the ZFTK – the Zero Fucksgiving Test Kitchen.

Yes, I made up my own holiday, and yes, it has a test kitchen, because the joy of a feast day is trying new things.

Sometimes. At other times the joy of a feast day is having the exact usual thing.

Anyway, Michael died this year, and I miss him so fucking much. I want to talk to him about green chile stew, I want to talk to him about everything.

Last year, again

Last year, despite my six weeks or so of dreaming and strategizing recipes, which was a very fun process and kept my mind occupied, I ended up just having tater tots (because I was too depressed to cook), and that was okay actually.

More than okay. It was perfect.

Not the depression part, but the tater tots. It was the just-right answer to the day.

Michael was happy for me too, because I found something that worked, and sometimes that’s the thing that matters most.

Ah yes, the true meaning of the holiday

I realized that of course I had yet again forgotten the true meaning of No Fucksgiving, which is giving myself permission to not care too much.

That is to say, it is not actually about having the fanciest feast or the most feast-worthy feast, or the cleanest kitchen etc.

Even though yes, for sure, I do crave those things at some level, not only because of cultural stuff, but because I want the day to feel festive so that I feel less sad(?).

But none of that stuff matters. It is a holiday about DO LESS and PILE ON COMFORTS and get through it some way somehow. Find the small joys and do what is possible and attainable.

Use what is known / Start from what is known

This is a known day (for me) when I feel irritable, lonely, grumpy, isolated, sad, anxious and miserable, and having to make a feast day of it honestly just adds more shoulds.

And it turned out to be a good day for tater tots with spicy tahini sauce, and a fried egg.

That’s what worked last year, and now I need to find out what will work this year, given what is in my pantry and how much energy I have, and the many factors.

I said it and I meant it

As I wrote in my notes last year: “Fuck baking, fuck everything, this is a good day for eating vegan marshmallows out of the bag like god intended.”

It was also a good day for doing some cathartic screaming, and luckily I live alone in the middle of nowhere and can do that.

I like baking, so obviously I didn’t really mean what I said. And I love trying new recipes. But also, point taken. A hard day is a hard day, and you do what you can.

This is a known hard time, and sometimes the best way to tend to a known hard time is with known comfort rituals. Do less to get more. Add ease.

Or: add ease where you can.

Dancing in your underwear, if you want, for example

This is from the excellent Alexis Reliford, from last year:

”The best part of spending Thanksgiving alone is the freedom it gives me. There’s no need to meet others’ expectations or follow traditional norms. Or eat food prepared by others with questionable (or non-existent) cooking skills. I get to do exactly what I want. Even if that is eating multiple slices of pie while dancing around in my underwear.”

I agree with Alexis.

Your own version of that will look how it looks

There will be no eating pie in my underwear at my place if only because it’s way too cold here in late November to be wearing fewer than three to five layers at any given time, and also there won’t be pie.

But maybe chocolate banana bread for breakfast while wearing fleece-lined leggings? That sounds both reasonable and likely.

Trying times (both meanings)

I’ve been in the reeling times of heartbreak and despair, and have no appetite. It has been really hard to get myself to eat, but I’m trying, and I have an ongoing list of things that seem to work, so have mostly been sticking to those.

These are trying times, in the sense that they feel like one big test that I am at best muddling my way through, and also trying times in the sense of JUST TRY THINGS, and WHATEVER WORKS, and ANY PORT IN A STORM.

A time for trying. And trying can also mean experimenting.

Though it can also mean try the thing that worked last time, or do a little of the thing that helps, even if it only helps a little.

Not FOMO but something else

I was trying to explain to a friend who does not have any of these issues the way I tend to go into crisis mode around this holiday, and how my mood tanks and anxiety spikes, and I don’t want to be alone, but I don’t want to go spend the holiday with someone.

It’s like, I want to be on my own, in the sense of out on my own, doing my own thing, on the margins of the holiday, but also I want someone to come and visit and hug me and tell me that everything will be okay, and I don’t have anyone in that category.

He asked if it’s like FOMO, and I don’t think it is.

I don’t mind missing out on the celebrations and festivities, it’s just like a very time-specific enhanced sense of isolation and despair. I guess I want company out on the margins. Not sure if I can explain it better than that.

The monster chorus, again

The chorus of monsters in my head, who are very good at spinning theories of self-criticism, make what seem on the surface to be a very valid argument: this entire thing is childish and silly.

Their argument, to which I have no counter-argument, is that it is silly and embarrassing to not want to join in something and then feel lonely about that, and even sillier and more embarrassing to whine about it in public, which is what I’m doing here, according to them.

I guess my only counter is that what we practice here is Acknowledgment & Legitimacy, as well as paying attention to our relationship with time, and with the calendar, and if this is a hard time for me, then that’s my current reality.

And what can I do other than meet that current experience with compassion.

Meeting the current experience with compassion

It’s okay if I don’t know the reasons or don’t remember them or can’t name them, or can’t make sense of the mystery.

Here we are, in the week/month/season of The Big Loneliness, and we are trying things.

It’s a courageous heart that keeps trying.

SOS day, also multiple meanings

My phone, which was only barely functioning anyway, gave up on the way back from Michigan, and I got a miracle new phone, which I am very grateful for.

Lately there are days when it goes into SOS only mode. People say it must be trouble with the cell towers, but I have been on the same towers for nearly four years and never had even an hour of my phone being in SOS only mode, never mind entire days. And since I got the new phone, for about two days a week, I can’t use it for most of the day or at all.

I would research this if my phone was working. And if you have ideas please let me know — unless the idea is turning the phone off and turning it on again because I already tried that one for good luck. 😉

SOS days feel extra lonely, because I can’t text friends, and so these days do feel like a crying out for help that no one can hear.

Always good to have a list

I keep a list for these SOS times which is just anything I can do that helps me get through a day when I don’t have any connection with the outside world. It helps more often than it doesn’t.

There is a list of things that help on laundry day and a list of things that help when I go to the library.

And an SOS list for SOS days.

And a list of past rituals and recipes and experiments for Zero Fucksgiving, formerly known as Hermitsgiving.

Reviewing my notes from last year

One of my notes is just a reminder that it varies, some years I get through it okay and some years it is very This Too Shall Pass and kind of just passing time.

According to my notes from last year, the day of the holiday itself wasn’t too bad at all, but Wednesday night was agonizing and I had a huge breakdown.

Here’s what I know helps for me: jogging in my kitchen, writing about my feelings or skipping stones, remembering that there is always some treasure in a breakdown even though it never feels like it at the time.

Naming what is potentially good, useful, or reassuring about existing outside of the broader culture. Naming practices that I find supportive, and doing any of them.

Never a bad idea to have a solo dance party.

What wisdom is available from Slightly Wiser Me?

I consulted with the Cowboy of the Bunkhouse, the version of me who likes living alone and doing chores.

They like to clean the countertops and re-organize a drawer. They like a quiet day of puttering. They don’t even mind the wild winds or not knowing the temperature. They like to do a hair rinse with warm tea.

Me: Please advise, Cowboy of the Bunkhouse, I’m super anxious about this combination of loneliness, heartache, the worst time of the year, obviously all the political everything, give me some counsel.

Cowboy of the Bunkhouse: A nice thing about making a stew is it takes a few hours. It will heat up the trailer nicely, and it will smell delicious.

Remember that recipe for oven-roasted grapes that made you laugh out loud because it was written in such a fun tone? Roast some grapes. Just a handful. Take a picture of your festive table. Use the good placemats.

Your day, on your terms. It’s special, because you make things special. Shift the atmosphere. Hum a favorite song. Sing a sea shantey.

Yes, it is a bit like being alone on an island. Alone doesn’t mean stranded though even if it feels like it right now. List what you like about the island. Write a wish for next year.

Wishing the wishes

Feels like it’s time to bring back Very Personal Ads, and also the list of Things That Don’t Completely Suck, aka a very tentative gratitude practice that is not-forced, not a should, not an expectation, just a naming.

There are so many people I miss, and pain in my heart. And I know it is a wonder to have known so many special people who meant and mean so much to me.

Thank you, beautiful view. Thank you, time and space to write words and share them. Thank you, everyone who reads.

We can keep each other company too

If you also feel [feelings] this time of year, we can have a little long distance club of Hermitsgiving friends, making space for the feelings, holding community symbolically. We can write wishes for a better world, and a better culture, and light candles, whether real or imaginary.

We can focus on our own internal culture that holds the qualities we want to glow into the world. Will that help? I don’t know.

Like I said, it’s trying times out here, and are also a time for trying something, anything.

Love to you!

Let me add that if you love this holiday then I wish you a joyful festive celebration of only good things.

And if you are celebrating with difficult people or in difficult circumstances then I wish you strength and courage and good self-protection mechanisms.

And if you live outside of the United States and are sick of us talking about this holiday, that’s very relatable too. Waving from here.

Feeling lots of love and appreciation to everyone who reads. Thank you. A breath in my thank-you heart for you.

Come play in the comments, I appreciate the company

You are welcome to share anything that sparked for you while reading, anything that helped or clues received, or anything on your mind, wish some wishes, process what’s percolating…

I am lighting a candle for us and our beautiful heart-wishes. What a brave thing it is to allow ourselves to want something better for us and for the world.

Or if there’s anything you’d like to explore further or toss into the wishing pot, the healing power of the collective is no small thing, companionship helps.

Whatever comes to mind or heart. Let’s support each other’s hope-sparks…

Housekeeping note: You can subscribe to posts by email again!

If you aren’t seeing these updates in your in your email and want to, you can can solve that here.

This will pop up a new page on Follow.It that lets you subscribe via email, newsletter, or RSS reader. They say “expect 50 stories a week”, and that’s a very imaginary number, once a week is the dream.

I am emailing copies of the Emergency Calming Techniques package!

Anyone who gives to the Discretionary this week (more info below) will get my Emergency Calming Techniques package by email as a pdf. I am only checking email twice a week because I no longer have wifi at my place, long story, so be patient with me but if it doesn’t show up within the week then let me know!

I have some ideas for the next ebook too but if you do too, shoot me an email or share in the comments.

A request!

If you received clues or perspective or want to send appreciation for the writing and work/play we do here, I appreciate it tremendously. Between Long Covid and traumatic brain injury recovery, things are slow going.

I am accepting support (with joy & gratitude) in the form of Appreciation Money to the Discretionary Fund. Asking is not where my strength resides but Brave & Stalwart is the theme these days, and pattern-rewriting is the work, it all helps with fixing the many broken things.

And if those aren’t options, I get it, you can light a candle for support (or light one in your mind!), share this with someone who loves words, tell people about these techniques, approaches and themes, send them here, it all helps, it’s all welcome, and I appreciate it and you so much. ❤️

Some election day breaths

Breathing for the collective

Breathing for the collective. Breathing for / with / towards the collective, or: just breathing. With the collective in mind. With the intention of a better place, a better way.

Or just one breath.

Inhaling and exhaling. For a better world or for feeling a little better in this moment.

Or just to remember that we can notice when we are tensing and holding, forgetting to breathe. Good job noticing.

Remembering to breathe now. Tending to the tensing through noticing, exhaling.

A breath for all of this

I know that many people who read what I write here are not located in the United States, but I also know that the agonizing tension of our high-stakes debacle is felt all over.

That’s fun, our national nightmare is also an international nightmare, great stuff.

A breath for how much it all is. SO SO MUCH. A breath for the enormity of the stakes, the enormity of the ambient anxiety.

A breath for remembering that I don’t have to carry the worry of the world, I can tend to what’s mine in this moment.

Nourishment for the collective

A thousand points, at least, to me, for staying nourished, for anything I do to stay nourished.

I have heard that some brave heroes out there (friends of mine) have been getting some veggies in with today’s stress-eating, and good job to them.

If pumpkin is a vegetable, then my cake-for-breakfast pumpkin bread included some veggie content. Also there were jalapeños in one of my rounds of snacks. A+ work, good job to me.

It all counts. Nourishment is nourishing. My body knows how to extract nutrients from stress snacks too. Good job, wise body.

Good job to me. Good job to all of us. Blessings upon the nourishment.

A breath for whatever we are doing to take care of ourselves

Any self-care port in a storm, any port of focus in a storm, and this is a hell of a storm.

Seriously it is WILD out there today. The vibes are banana-pants, as someone from 2016 would say, and certainly the trauma of November 2016 feels very present right now.

Good lord, I keep having flashbacks to the underwater feeling of that moment, the shock-despair-horror-dread of 2016 and thinking: I AM NOT PREPARED. And yet, here we are.

A breath for acknowledging that this is really not fun

It’s not fun. It sucks!

Also, fuck the electoral college, how do we still not have a representative democracy where individual votes matter the way they should?

Also I keep thinking about how deeply embarrassing it is that we are somehow here again, in this preposterous and terrifying moment of too close for comfort, of so much is at stake but it could go either way.

Feels like waiting to find out if the meteor is a direct hit or just a very uncomfortable bump that will also probably be bad but not as bad. Good times.

A breath for having to exist right now. We are brave and stalwart, we are getting through this moment, however we get there.

Movement for the collective

A one song dance party for the collective.

Rolling around on the floor for the collective.

Shaking head no no no no no no to the nonsense, for the collective.

A favorite stretch for the collective. A gentle neck stretch for me, and maybe a reclining side twist.

A five minute walk (or backwards-walk!) for the collective. Maybe I will walk to the mailbox and back.

Did I do 888 extremely modified sun-salutations for the collective because when I am anxious I need to keep moving until I calm down? Yes, that was me. I will probably do some bonus-jogging around the kitchen because I am full of nervous energy that needs to be expended.

A breath for wishes of safety

A breath for all trans friends, you are in my heart, held in love, and I know that is not enough, but we are hoping hard, wishing hard, invoking, lighting candles, taking a breath. Safety and sanctuary for you and your loved ones.

A breath for everyone in danger in this moment, for all of us looking down the barrel, so to speak, bravely keeping on.

Taking a breath. Taking sixteen breaths.

Shifting the moment by being present in the moment and acknowledging the fear, making room for this very human experience.

And if you are not functioning or barely functioning, you are in good company. That’s a reasonable reaction to current reality.

Make some noise for the collective

Laughing at a silly video of a pile of puppies for the collective.

Cry-laughing for the collective.

Screaming into the abyss for the collective.

We are making some sounds.

Distractions for the collective

Reading something that takes place in a different world for the collective.

Enjoying art for the collective.

Appreciating something delicious and decadent for the collective. A little hedonism at the end of the world.

I made vegan vanilla gelato, and it is so good, and I brought some over to a friend’s place so it’s there in a moment of need, and I hope that moment of need is joyous and celebratory, full of relief, but either way it’s there.

Counting for the collective / counting on the collective

Counting all the ways that Now Is Not Then. This moment might remind me of November 2016, and yet so much is true now that was not true then.

Many things have changed for the better, in many ways I am more equipped for this moment. Counting and recounting.

Taking sixteen breaths for the collective

Having a good yawn or several yawns or thirty-eight yawns for the collective. Counting these too.

It all counts. Whatever we are doing. Good job getting through. Good job making your way through this emotional storm. We are here, we are taking breaths, we are here for each other. It counts.

Come play in the comments, I appreciate the company

You are welcome to share anything that sparked for you while reading, anything that helped or anything on your mind, wish some wishes, process what’s percolating…

I am lighting a candle for us and our beautiful heart-wishes. What a brave thing it is to allow ourselves to want something better for us and for the world.

Or if there’s anything you’d like to toss into the wishing pot, the healing power of the collective is no small thing, companionship helps.

Whatever comes to mind or heart. Let’s support each other’s hope-sparks…

Housekeeping note: You can subscribe to posts by email again!

If you aren’t seeing these updates in your in your email and want to, you can can solve that here.

This will pop up a new page on Follow.It that lets you subscribe via email, newsletter, or RSS reader. They say “expect 50 stories a week”, and that’s a very imaginary number, once a week is the dream.

Get the ebook on how I play with time

Aka fun bonus material on how I relate to time and map out my quarters for the year.

Anyone who gives to the Discretionary this week (see below) will get this by email as a pdf. I am only checking email twice a week because I no longer have wifi at my place, long story, so be patient with me but if it doesn’t show up within the week then let me know!

I have some ideas for the next ebook but if you do too, shoot me an email or share in the comments.

A request!

If you received clues or perspective or want to send appreciation for the writing and work/play we do here, I appreciate it tremendously. Between Long Covid and traumatic brain injury recovery, things are slow going.

I am accepting support (with joy & gratitude) in the form of Appreciation Money to the Discretionary Fund. Asking is not where my strength resides but Brave & Stalwart is the theme these days, and pattern-rewriting is the work, it all helps with fixing the many broken things.

And if those aren’t options, I get it, you can light a candle for support (or light one in your mind!), share this with someone who loves words, tell people about these techniques, approaches and themes, send them here, it all helps, it’s all welcome, and I appreciate it and you so much. ❤️