You know what people delight in?
Pointing out whenever I seem to have procrastinated on something.
Well, I’ll backtrack on that for the sake of clearer communication …
Backtrack backtrack backtrack. Try saying that out loud.
Okay.
- Not people, but some people. Let’s say a very small but non-insignificant percentage of the people who read this blog and email me about stuff. Let’s say six people in the last couple weeks.
- And not delight in but seem to delight in. After all, I could be wrong.
- And not in a mean way or anything. It’s not like people are rubbing their hands in glee saying “Caught ya!” though occasionally they do. It’s definitely all in fun.
- And I’m more than open about things I don’t get around to.
- And I suppose they’re completely entitled to their moment of glee given that I did, after all, write an entire book and a mini-guide and produced three recordings on dissolving procrastination and how to do it.
Obviously when a super-biggified “expert” screws up, it’s way more entertaining than when other people do. And god knows we all need someone else to slip on a banana peel once in a while or we’d never feel good about anything.
Hell, I subscribe to at least ten noozletters for the sole purpose of mocking (in my head, mostly) other biggifiers who I think are doing it wrong.
I’m feeling a little worried though …
The thing that’s worrying me about this?
That — given how much I talk here on the blog about the procrastination thing and other aspects of mindful time management — it seems as though maybe one of my main points just hasn’t come through yet.
Maybe I haven’t been clear enough. Maybe I haven’t gotten across what I’m really trying to say. Can we try it again? Because I’m feeling like I need to explain something here.
The super-important thing we all forget about procrastination.
Procrastination is fueled by guilt.
Guilt and fear. Once you take out the guilt and fear, it’s not procrastination anymore.
This is what most people in the “productivity” world aren’t realizing. Procrastination is almost never actual procrastination. It’s almost always just this:
You processing or letting something percolate + fear + guilt
That’s all it is. If you remove the guilt and the fear, it turns out that you’re not procrastinating at all, you’re just thinking about something.
Or getting ready to do something. Or resolving some emotional stucknesses around it. Or figuring out what you need to take the next step. Or taking a break to recharge and replenish.
In fact, if you own the Procrastination Dissolve-o-Matic (or if you’ve ever even looked at it), you already know that the subtitle is:
Beat procrastination without beating yourself up.
Without beating yourself up.
Because you’re not necessarily procrastinating if you haven’t done something yet. When you learn how to soften the guilt and the fear, what invariably happens is that you get very clear, very quickly.
Yay clarity. What that looks like:
Without the guilt and the fear it’s much easier to identify whether the thing you’re not doing is something you want (or choose) to do …. or if it isn’t.
If it is something you want (or choose) to do, and you’re not all bogged down by guilt and fear, you can actually start using the productivity techniques to figure out what the next steps are.
If it isn’t, you can skip it (or decide to check back in with it at a later date), and go about your merry, guilt-free way.
Why this is so important to understand.
It’s not so you have to stop making fun of me. Because of course you’re more than welcome to get goofy with me and my duck pretty much whenever.
You know that, right? Join us in the goofy! Do a little dance!
It’s not that.
It’s so you aren’t guilting yourself.
Let’s be honest. If you’re saying “Ha! Caught you procrastinating!” to me, you’re probably also saying it to yourself. And the whole point of every single thing I do is to help you not have to say stuff like that to yourself.
When you look at the people who are working with my techniques and making big crazy progress, the thing that’s so incredibly impressive is way, way different than what you’d think it would be.
Their progress is not confined to how much they’re getting done (a LOT) — it’s how much they’re enjoying the time when they aren’t getting things done. It’s how pleasant it is to be able to let themselves not always be in a state of doing. Or in state of needing to be doing.
I’ll tell you a secret: I don’t actually care how much I get done.
I also don’t really care about how much you get done.
Nope. I care about how we do it. How we are present with ourselves while we’re doing it. (Side effect: we get more done. But that’s not the goal.)
On the surface the Dissolve-o-Matic is about tricks to stop procrastinating. And yes, they totally work.
To the point that Shannon (one of my awesome clients) recently said after our session:
“Man, it’s not called magic procrastination-dissolving fairy wonder dust for nothing. I totally thought you were being silly but that’s really just the most accurate description possible for what this stuff does.”
But below the surface, what I’m really trying to do with everything that I teach — here on the blog and in the courses and programs I lead and with clients and in the products that I develop — is to provide how-to for the process.
To give you as many ways as possible for you to feel safe and supported losing the fear and the guilt, so you can stop accidentally sabotaging the process.
To help you recognize the individual elements that make up your patterns and habits so you have the knowledge — and the freedom — to take them apart and build new ones that will actually serve you.
It’s not about getting more things done.
Obviously you will. You’ll be more efficient and productive and all of those things. But that’s not the part I really care about.
The part I really care about is that when you’re not getting things done you’ll be able to meet yourself there with some kindness and compassion. And that when you’re not feeling compassionate, you’ll be able to let yourself not feel like being compassionate.
That’s what coach-ey people call “getting out of your own way”. I call it being your own way. But whatever, I’m a big old tree-hugger. You don’t have to call it that at all.
The important thing is that it’s not about guilting yourself up anymore.
p.s. If you’re feeling like you want to make fun of me about something, make fun of me about that. Seriously. I hug trees and do yoga and talk about compassion and stuff. Now that’s embarrassing.
And my duck and I deserve every smartass remark you’ve got. Bring it on!
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Maybe those folks who are emailing you about procrastination REALLY need to read your last post about perfectionism…
Your very human (not your “experty”) qualities that come across so clear in your posts is what keeps me coming back, trying out your products and taking your tele-classes! If you where PERFECT at non-procrastination I doubt I would be reading anymore.
Thank you for validating those of us who dare to speak the name of our big dream, or write it down in a public place. And then have to let it rest for awhile while we think, and read, and brainstorm, and plan, and work through our fears and our baggage. Until the light breaks through and shines on the path and we clearly see the next step. My beloved husband is my biggest accuser. He has unintentionally crushed me so many times by judging how LONG I’ve been taking to start my freelancing business, and assuming I haven’t generated any income yet because I’m procrastinating, or just not capable.
This was so timely for me. Because I love your product but I don’t think I could have articulated that the way you have.
“You processing or letting something percolate + fear + guilt”
Amazing point. And so true. And, like Chris, my partner initially did a kind of “isn’t reading this procrastinating dissolving stuff just a more sophisticated way to procrastinate?” thing on me. And I called him on it. In a less well articulated version of “I need support and encouragement right now not that kind of comment”. And it helped. I think he gets it now.
And I’ve been taking baby steps while things percolate.
JoVEs last blog post..Baby steps
“Bring it on”? Seriously? Cause now I *have* to spend at least 30 minutes trying to come up with witty remarks. It’s the law! 😛
Not right now though, I’m currently too blown away.
For future reference, you can *never* bang on about a core piece of information like that too much. Never. Keep repeating it. Over and over again. Please. Maybe then it’ll actually sink in to my stubborn head.
“You processing or letting something percolate + fear + guilt”
As someone who is trying to gain understanding of the ’emotion’ and ‘awareness’ levels (from what seems like a 0/10 standing start) this is what I need to hear. Repeatedly.
A whole book on just this? Worth it! No extra fluff – nothing. Just this. Maybe even just this sentence repeated 500 times. With a big mallet to hit me round the head whilst I read it.
Another post and another BAM! moment about my stuff. Thank you. 🙂 *goes to draft another Havi-inspired journal/post*
James | Dancing Geeks last blog post..Time’s a ticking on this one…
Awesome article. Haven’t read your book (sorry but have long large stack already waiting for me so all in good time) but I completely get what you’re saying here. Most of this year I have beat myself up about the fact that have meandered around with my novel’s third draft – throwing ideas up in the air, reading it, considering it but not writing it. I have felt so bad about this despite the fact that I have been writing regularly for my blog, doing some freelance writing for work, raising my kid, tending to my family and the host of other responsibilities in my life; ie. hardly sitting around doing nothing. When I would want to sit down and read or watch a re-run of SEX AND THE CITY or go out to a movie i would think, “No, you must write”, but of course I wouldn’t because I didn’t want to, and then I’d feel even worse.
Just recently I’ve come to a place where I ahve admitted to myself that I don’t necessarily want to work on the novel right now. I’m happy if I take that piece out of my puzzle. Maybe that will change next week, and maybe it won’t. But that’s okay. I feel so much happier giving myself permission to enjoy my life.
Sometimes it amazes me how difficult us human beings like to make things. Why do we punish ourselves so?
Kelly 🙂
James is so right on. For some reason this stuff takes forever to sink in.
So please keep hammering. We’ll get it eventually. Or we won’t, but at least we’ll forgive ourselves a tiny bit for being such utter dopes.
Sonia Simone | Remarkable Communications last blog post..7 Dumb Things Small Businesses Do That You Can’t Afford #3: Getting Upside Down
Without the things you add (or learn how to add) what do you have left? You simply doing what you are doing. add the judgment, you get procrastination; or the judgment of procrastination or laziness.
I must be getting somewhere. All the stuff I read and learned (and unlearned whichever the case may be) to REALLY understand, truly and deeply,this simple equation… kind of ironic.:) The simplest things are often the most profound and for me ended up being the hardest to really “get.” Without the fear and the guilt what do you have? You doing what you are doing. Simply, whatever there is + you. (Hopefully, engaged in the compassionate journey of meeting yourself where you are.)
Thank you Havi. I’ve fallen behind on my NaNoWriMo word count and so am less inclined to work on it because I now feel guilty about not reaching and arbitrary goal, of course completely forgetting the fact that I’ve written nearly 9000 words (plus blog posts and other work) in just under a week.
So why am I beating myself instead of celebrating?
Because I put an EXPECTATION on myself and now I feel guilty for not achieving it and fear about not catching up.
Thanks for reminding me that like you, I don’t care how much I get done (well, I do care, but as long as it’s something – even something small, I’m happy).
Alex Fayle | Someday Syndromes last blog post..Improvising Life: Do You Play Along?
Dear Havi, your procastination method works for all kind of stuff, not only getting things done. I use it when I have one of these days of “I have to be completely self-sufficient”. Guess what this is doing to me – it puts me completely into my guilt-zone. The funny thing is – as soon as I am thinking: “I am allowed to feel that I need others” I am back in my inner source 🙂 ready and open to give and receive again.
The guidance is FREEDOM for me. In the guilt-zone I feel dependend.
Even if I allow me to be in the guilt-zone (as well as everywhere else) it is the greatest freedom and suddenly everything else is my choice again.
Sandras last blog post..It’s always about the little, tiny decisions..
oh my god…if i did everything on my list of things to do i wouldn’t have time to brush my teeth! then i’d have to put *that* on my list of things to do. pretty soon i wouldn’t be able to take a crap without checking my list!
so i think you hit it on the head with this guilt thing, havi. and how about this…take the *u* out of *guilt* and start living the *gilt* edged life!
chass last blog post..democracy is really coming!
@Alex – ooh, expectations! Evil, evil, evil, evil, evil! Well, maybe not quite so dramatic, but I just had a realisation recently around those (and another one now, these pesky expectations seem to creep up everywhere!)
Expectations is certainly a big source of the guilt thing for me, and then indirectly the fear (of not fulfilling them). Find the expectation – see the situation for what it really is – relax.
Happy, happy, joy, joy! Thanks for another brain zap moment. 🙂
James | Dancing Geeks last blog post..Time’s a ticking on this one…
AMEN to this message, Havi!! It’s quite possible that by simply telling us what procrastination really is, we actually stop feeling guilting and fearful. Because it’s not procrastination, so we don’t have to feel guilty and fearful!
All fixed!!
…
Okay, just kidding. I know it’s not that easy. But geez does this ever make perfect sense to me!
Thank you.
PS. Ohhh, Chas! That’s brilliant!
stephs last blog post..What I Know for Sure, No. 2
Thanks so much for this post. I think you just made me a couple hundred extra dollars today in billable hours I didn’t get around to procrastinating away. After reading your email last night, I internalized the fear+guilt=procrastination formula in my sleep and this morning decided to do take the approach that would bring me the least amount of guilt possible. That was to actually start working on a billable project immediately upon waking up. No email checking, no coffee drinking. But only to do it for 30 minutes. That way, I got the guilt out of the way first thing. It’s impossible to feel guilty, because I’ve already started working. The fear doesn’t have time to wake up, either, because I’m barely awake myself. Just knowing this formula helped me come up with a plan that actually worked. So, thanks!
So, like always, I’m reading your post and want to say how perfect it is, but then I don’t want to be lame and just say “Great post!”
It’s like the tree-hugging, “I-don’t-have-to-worry-about-being-compassionate-because-I’m-not-a-dude” side writes here – and all I can say is that posts like these make me want to be a better writer and express what I’m thinking a lot better.
“That’s what coach-ey people call “getting out of your own way”.” When you learn good habits and processes, the focus shifts to how you’re doing and feeling, not you and what you’re not doing and how you should be doing something else and how you know better and….
You get to a point where it’s less thinking and more fun doing. But people never believe it until they see if for themselves.
Charlies last blog post..Feedback Needed on New Productivity Aid
This post and the the NaNoWrimo comment above made me wonder…how do you allow yourself to not do the thing without actually just never doing, without falling into a rut? (okay, so maybe that’s fear talking?) More importantly, how do you set goals and achieve goals if you don’t force yourself to meet them…by guilt or any other means necessary?
Dianas last blog post..Book Giveawy
| Procrastination is fueled by guilt.
|
| Guilt and fear. Once you take out the guilt and fear, it’s not procrastination anymore.
I read this and burst (unexpectedly) into tears. I barely needed to read the rest as it was enough to realise what was ‘hooking’ me into this excruciatingly painful Overwhelm Paralysis.
Reading your words facilitates this incredible Release; like I can reduce the expectations on my elf.
I’m still overwhelmed/paralysed/”procrastinating” on essential things like buying food, prepping it, and putting temporary fixes in place while I have no income *panic* but at least these are very real ‘live’ expectations, not that fear-fuelled, guilt-shame that I’m not following through on the other “Bigger” things–which I now see are not bigger as I need to eat and pay the basics of living.
*and more tears at the release of all the extra burden I was inadvertently placing on my elf*
Thankyou so much to Past You articulating this Wisdom and Now You for leaving it up for lost souls to stumble upon ❤️