Where I cover the good and the hard in my week, visiting the non-preachy side of ritual and self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
Hello, hello!
I am back from my two beautiful weeks away at the VICARAGE, where I was on a (mysterious spy op!) silent retreat that I can’t talk about, because: silent retreat.
And I should mention that I’m feeling a bit wobbly because everything is slightly different now. Good-different. Just in the transition.
What worked?
Silent retreat!
Asking for the superpower of Easy Transitions, and then processing that.
Next time I might…
Anticipate the fact that transitions themselves are actually not that easy by their very nature.
So helping them become easier means building in spaciousness. And time. Lots of time.
It means lots of conscious entry. Also anticipating that however much time I think I need is probably way-way-way lowballing it.
Next time I will plant a reminder that there is nothing wrong with the wobble, or with the fact that I am in it. It is a temporary, natural, normal part of landing. Like when you first walk on land after a long sojourn at sea. You haven’t forgotten how to walk. This is just the time for adjusting.
The hard.
- Transitions.
- Flux.
- I don’t want to be done yet.
The good.
- Horizon.
- Water.
- Dance
- Understandings.
- Process.
- Anticipation.
- Knowing
- Returning. Returning.
- Realizations and epiphanies.
- Seeing friends on the way back.
- Home.
- Oh, phone and internet and modern conveniences! It is nice to see you again, you crazy dangerous beautiful drugs.
- My bedroom.
- Appreciation for the me who set this up and the me who will return.
- Secret flowers. And all the flowers.
Superpowers!
A superpower I had this week…
The superpower of deciding that this time is the right time.
And a superpower I want next week.
All the superpowers of landing and landings, everything that has to do with land and ground and earth and anchors.
Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!
Background. Ez and I make up bands. Stu (retired Bolshevik-fearing voice-to-text software) once invented hanging out at the Meme Beach House“. It’s just one guy.
This week’s band comes by way of @vicarpac, who incidentally is in charge of reminding me to take time off. They’re noisy and goofy and full of surprises.
Phantom Thumb Drink.
Though, of course, it turns out that it’s really just one guy.
Hallo Hallo! I am saying Hallo Hallo. Announcement time.
Picture me wearing that crazy hat…
I again recommend the class on TIME. You’ll need it for the Year of Emptying and Replenishing (password: compass), which begins soon and is going to be amazing.
That’s it for me …
Join my Friday ritual in the comments if you feel like it. Or call silent retreat!
We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. And we don’t give advice (unless people specifically ask for it).
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
Shabbat shalom.
p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever (or not) and it’s no big deal.
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Cheers, Chickeneers!
Oh Week! Where have you gone?
The Hard
– being way overscheduled
The Good
– realizing I don’t really want to do [X] before starting down that path too far
– catching up with my former dissertation adviser
– cute new suits!
Welcome home, Havi! I’m so happy to find you here, and I wish you the sweetest, gentlest, and most spacious of transitions.
A thing that worked: The way I handled Valentine’s Day. Conscious entry, conscious exit, sweet sovereignty, a gentle releasing of expectations and shoulds…I actually did find my way to that inner kernel of simple, ease-filled love.
Next time… I would like to be more mindful about my time at the river.
A hard thing: The Wizard got an unexpected setback in his job search: a company that had promised him a second interview sent him an automated “no longer being considered” email instead. He was frustrated and discouraged, and it was painful to witness.
A good thing: While sight-reading an especially tricky passage in the Mozart piece I’m currently learning, I had a sudden stoopid epiphany: Oh! OH! Emptying and replenishing — it’s like breathing!
Superpowers! This week: Instant Presence (which turns out to be pretty much identical to the Instant Art I had asked for last week). Next week: Magical Mystery Microshifts!
Oh, this week has been full-in-a-good-way. And generally a more enjoyable week that I’ve had for some time.
The hard:
Stuff from the last couple of weeks was still present, although in much reduced quantities.
Impatience waiting for a book from the library.
Not sleeping as well as I’m now used to several nights this week.
Some of the standards of curation and conservation of the Turners at Petworth House. Also not being able to find anywhere we wanted eat in Petworth, and then nowhere in Worthing either.
The fact one of my favourite cafes now seems to be a nursery that serves food and drink.
The Good:
The BBC adaption of Pride and Prejudice.
Kitty snuggling.
Getting the money we raise at the charity night at the end of the month matched pound for pound up to £1400 – the power of Facebook!
Work as marketing minx going very well.
Getting some clarity about major life stuff.
Dove sending! I never realised this could be so good. Quietly amazed.
Dance! Dance! Dance! Regaining my strength and vitality.
The Turner exhibition and grounds at Petworth house.
A visit to one of my favourite tea shops and getting my tea in an orange tea pot.
Finally taking pots of change I’ve had for years to the bank.
What worked:
Renaming [x] dove sending.
Dance and yoga.
Kitty snuggling.
What I might do next time:
Perhaps a little less caffeine.
More meditation!
Heart sighs, Havi, for the VICARAGE. It sounds wonderful, I wish I had somewhere similar that I could get to! Wishing you peaceful and spacious transitioning from there to ‘here’.
Hello chickens!
This week …
The Hard
– Unsettled and finding it difficult to focus (mentally)
– Build-up of fear over an eye clinic appointment that turned out, in the end, to be not as fearsome as I’d been anticipating. (The irony of not being able to ‘focus’ is not lost!)
The Good
– Spreading the word, on behalf of a couple of people, about things I wouldn’t have anticipated being a messenger for.
– Looking forward to the YEAR! And a whole year of Floop. Big excitement! Can’t wait …
This week! I asked to learn to not hate the Pisces-ness of this time of year and the most hilarious thing happened immediately:
Dealing with a BS fee that a credit card tacked on has been on my list of calls to make for 2 months, but I moved and was on bed rest so it didn’t happen and I didn’t pay them, which you know, sometimes makes them think they can double it etc etc.
Well!
I finally called them and spent the ten minutes getting through their impressive voicemail fortress, and when I finally got through, the nice lady informed me that earlier that day they had just taken that fee, and its neglect-borne spawn, off my bill. It just *disappeared* Basically because I didn’t pay it they just took it away without me doing anything.
Radical avoidance and not dealing with it just made it disappear! THIS is the kind of stuff that can happen under this energy. The magic of sudden disappearance, things that just undo themselves, that is Pisces magic. This is a lot better than the big-cat-in-a-bathtub vibe I usually struggle through in Feb-March. I am going to make a note right now to try to remember what else I want dissolved and evaporated . . .
Ok, the hard:
All the drains backed up, water damage, stress, gross, plumbers, all new pipes
Loud people in the house, backhoe, dog totally freaking out couldn’t be at home or meditate or have normal routine, have to wear rain boots to traverse soggy carpet
Had to caffeinate to be able to leave all day bc of noise and no water
Complaining Carpenter is a d r a g , felt dive bombed invaded a little last night
Still exhausted and email is too much
CC Sunday night slight PTSD trigger, up until 3
Caffeine after effects prevented sleep altogether last night
The good:
I am feeling more radical, aware of space completely outside of hierarchy, judgement, benchmarks, etc ( hey thank you pisces) I can feel the power in this. Anything else feels like vastly wasted energy.
Plumbing fixed in a day! A miracle. Sould have taken a week
Caffeinated day was amazing before the crash, I got to do errands and wear accessories.
New glasses for $30
I have a bead on something, structured mediation and unconscious energy guided to get to a certain goal, I need to write and draw this out.
I made a whole chart of what can actually go in a day and be ok for me, what is necessary but draining, etc, very helpful.
Ppl seem to be coming around to my opinion on the dog and this is hopeful and less doomy
When no PTSD or caffeine induced adrenal trigger, I am asleep by 11
Superpower I had: dissolving for the best
Superpower I want: ease in transition, reverse-dissolving the next creation phase without wearing myself out
Have a lovely weekend chickens!
Wholesome chicken, baked with fresh vegetables, served with rice.
What worked this week:
Hibernating.
Leveraging X.
Exiting the Middle: techniques and practices from the archives. Some basic, some advanced, some “I never saw that before!” in articles I’ve read more than once.
Next week I’ll try:
More orange! Metaphor and also not-metaphor.
The Hard:
Trying not to catch cold. You know that feeling you get when a cold is just starting? I noticed it and started Emergency Preventive Measures and that was exhausting and distracting.
Plumbing problems > emergency > expense.
Wakeful nights, sleepy days. Missing out on things.
The Good:
Unexpected massage!
Humor in unlikely places.
Squirrel Eviction happened with ease over last weekend.
Powers of Planning and Problem-solving activated by the need to evict squirrels fractal flowered into other areas.
Material for the Book of Me.
Plumbing problems as metaphor.
Started making an artist book.
The FS archives.
Superpower I had this week: Reading. Knowing how powerful it is to be able to read.
Superpower I want next week: Writing. Knowing how powerful it is to be able to write. Writing powerfully.
Here’s to one person (not the only person) I love, and the fabulous tiramisu I bought that person while she waited for carry-out to be ready. The person I love has a partner who doesn’t like going out. I was thrilled to catch an up-draft and enjoy my cafe moment, and my Valentine’s Day dessert.
Next year–who knows–maybe bliss without dessert!
What worked?
Staying on task as much as possible. Staying off of distracting SN sites. Going through my things and de-cluttering
The Hard –
Yes, transitions. I am finally moving out of the prison where I’ve been living with my stuff and my old memories for far too long. It is scary.
Thank you for the reminder, Havi, that transitions are meant to just be easy. They have to have to a certain amount of shift in them and some type of harmony as one phases from one state of perspective or place to another.
Loneliness being stuck with the last of my mess that always left me stuck alone with it. Except this time it’s changing.
Wondering if I’m doing the right thing or letting my mother talk me into ideas that won’t be good for me.
Not knowing what is supposed to come of this, just more going around in circles in my life? Never feeling settled or on purpose at anything?
The Good –
At least there is change and some adventure on the horizon no matter what it yields.
Remembering the journey, not the final oasis of destiny.
Departure, adventure, return – the hero’s journey. I’ve done this many times and think I am always better for it.
Really get to let go of all the lookie-loos in my mind – at how unimportant they are to my life visions really. Why did I worry so much if I fit in or what they thought?
Have a friend coming tomorrow to help me for a few days get me backup and into storage.
I am finally selling things I’ve been holding on to for years on ebay. Will have an ebay frenzy tonight.
Superpower of this week:
Perserverence – commitment to make a change.
Super power I want this coming week –
The same – but mostly perserverence to get this all done soon.
Also, I need someone within me to come out and start standing up for me in terms of mom and her old habits of trying to control me. I need the super power of decreased contact and acting more assured and not telling her as much.
I need the courage to get through this. Anxiety and so much sadness is coming up about what I am leaving behind that I felt was left undone. Things that didn’t go well, things I thought I blew due to being an HSP. I want the superpower of “self-forgiveness” for not doing better than I thought I should have.
I meant transition are not meant to be exactly easy or they would not be transitions.
Cheeeken!
Oh my, my week disappeared out from under me. What happened?
What Worked:
– Time to work! A working Rhiannon is a happy Rhiannon.
– Andrea’s Creative Dream Starter Kit. (Which is to say: focused inner work time)
– Creative non-engagement with something that was bothering me.
– Compassing! It fixed an actual technological stuck (the video wouldn’t play so I did a bunch of compassing and then I realized there was a download link and that worked fine so I downloaded the video!).
– Reaching out to [person] to process/cry/scream about [stuff]. It was kind of miraculous.
Next time I might:
– Be more careful with my tiny sweet thing.
– Mention to the person involved with inadvertent tiny sweet thing trampling that oh no! Tiny sweet thing was trampled! Walk more carefully, please!
– Be more careful about picking up people’s stuff from the internet. I don’t even know how to go about this, but it needs to happen.
The Hard:
– Bear time. BLEH.
– Giant shoe versus tiny sweet thing! Also, the word “cliche.” It’s one of my “entire family died in a tragic accident” words. Now I know.
– Huge issue from then clouding my judgment about now.
– Picking up other people’s stuff about money.
– Nasty cold has me very under the weather.
– Then I bashed my knee into the bathtub faucet! My knee-with-a-history-of-injury. So walking is kind of difficult at the moment.
– The hubster’s painful medical procedure meant more babycare than I’d planned for falling on me.
– [Silent Retreat]
The Good:
– SUNSHINE! Yay.
– Moved my office up to the bee-yoo-tiful loft that gets light from all directions and has lounging areas and yoga space and a costumery and a treasure cave.
– Since my office is now just for me working on my things, I got to leave all my least favorite parts down in the “household organizing center.” Only beautiful fun things in my office!!
– Eight entire hours of work this week! I am blissfully involved in the perfect ratio of work-to-not-work for me at this moment.
– Listening to all the teleclasses.
– Sharing funny pictures of past hairstyles.
– We finally cleared all the moving detritus out of the living room and now it is so clean and open.
– My baby is amazing and she smiles all the time at everything and I am so happy I have her.
Superpowers!:
I had the superpower of remembering this is my stuff without beating myself up.
I’d like the superpower of trust.
Love to all!!
Clucks.
What worked this week?
* Lying on the floor, with audio
* Putting the kids to bed at the same time.
* Keeping in touch with my dragon taming team. Yay gold!
Next time I might?
* Own up to feeling afraid, as well as whatever else I’m feeling. If people think I am coping better than I am it’s because I pretend it is so.
* Choose to not fight. Fightlessness. Specifically to not fight my own feeling bad in the “ugh, aren’t you Byron Katie or Buddha yet? You were so attached to those dreams and now you see them as dreams you feel SAD??? You suck!” sense. Next time, I might just go with the feeling sad, rather than sad AND stoopid AND resentful and basically at war with myself.
Hard things included:
– internal war
– sadness, so much sadness
– fear
– anger
– contempt
– frustration
– love, love for things that aren’t yet and may not ever be reality
– lonesome and despondent
– 1 billion rising. And my perceptions of apathy. Riding in on the train wanting to shout at people going home “you’re going THE WRONG WAY!”
– financial stoopidity
– shadow comforts
– I am not yet skilled at internal sourcery (and I have bonus judgement about this! Whee!)
– tired, tired, tired and then the monsters come out to play.
– In Which I Suck At Blogging.
– driving 500km in a week.
Good things included:
+ Little Lad’s school. I feel safe sending him there everyday.
+ Plus he is picking up reading fast. This is going to be GREAT because if he can become bookish then the fact his imaginary play skill are quite limited at the moment won’t have the same impact because he’ll be able to escape into stories and exercise his imagination that way, which will then improve his play themes and ideas for “what happens next” which is where he stalls at the moment.
+ Wonderbaby. She is learning so many words. She is convinced that trees are called “bir” because we’ve seen three “birds” and they were all in trees. Funny. And she is learning to run-crawl, where she spots her target, keeps her head down and really goes for it and looks for all the world like a komodo dragon with her chubby little arms swinging out wide and landing with hands slightly pigeon-toed. Oh and “du-ck”. The bathroom is officially called “du-ck”. #cute
+ Gold. And being a much more responsible dragon-keeper than ever before.
+ Home-made rice noodle soup with rare beef and lots of herbs from my garden.
+ Gobinda Hari.
I don’t doubt, by the way, that Wonderbaby is totally behind the Selma For President movement. Du-ck!
Hi not-Friday! Hi Chickeneers!
Let’s see…
The Hard
-Old patterns coming back
-Not wanting to take care of myself
-Wanting adventure and not knowing how to give it to myself
-Clients not paying
-Loneliness
-Weird dreams
The Good
-So many great calls
-Making videos is fun!
-Groupon so I could go out to dinner
-Two very interesting (and promising) readings
-Writing a little
-Yoga a few times
-Seeing some of the boys
-Being told I was valued/appreciated by two folks at TM
-Getting the site copy done and off to the editor!
-Applying for the thing. Whether or not I get it.
Chicken
More than halfway through this cold dreary month! Let’s chicken.
The hard:
A little of the despair seeped in. Found myself re-telling the old stories. What a hard habit to break.
Dreaded day-long management team meeting! The magnitude of the dysfunction, and being cooped up with it, left me exhausted and drained.
So, so tired of being cold.
Working two peoples’ jobs, the stress finally getting to me.
The good:
A wise person’s unexpected kindness saved me from having Dreadful Tablemates at the management meeting. Thank you for telling me to choose (random thing) again!
Knowing when to punt. I can only do so much.
Fun VD dinner with Mr. TAZ, nothing special but we bumped into some old friends!
Have been asked to join a volunteer board related to my alma mater. Looks like I will finally get some volunteer experience in my new field! This is genuine Good News and I am much cheered. Happy dance!
Planning some time off. Spring can’t be far behind can it? (It’s all of 23F here today so the answer I am looking for is NO IT IS NOT THAT FAR.)
Have a great week!
Quicken chicken today.
The Hard:
-Reconfiguring.
-My car died unexpectedly, leaving me with a doozy of a transportation issue.
-Hard moments at work, now with bonus humiliat!
-awkward moments
-paid phone bill late, which meant i was cut off in the middle of a phone conversation
-feeling rushed and panicky
The Good:
+Reconfiguring!
+my hair is awesome
+all the right musics
+freedom
+wonderfully unexpected convergences of my interests aka the things i’m super nerdy about
+i reinstated my favorite thing to wear on my hands
+visions of sovereignty
Silent retreat on the rest. *hums*
What worked?
* reading picture books during shabbat
* and cookbooks, too
* stickers
* napping
What might I try next time?
* decaf
Hard:
* skin issues
* Amazon, you are so convenient. Must you also be evil?
* some poor judgment calls. Cue monster stomp.
* mice. ugh.
* Gordian coding knot. Ack.
Good:
* interim assignment!
* radish-potato soup
* dog doing fine after her day chez vet
* I can go to bed when I want to. So comforting.
Superpower I had this week: talking myself out of seeds (i.e., clutter)
Superpower for next week, please: Snap-decision mojo.
Warm wishes to all!
Chicken!
What worked:
+ Taking time to breathe
+ Remembering that happy is the default
+ Meeting myself where I am
Next Time:
+ Maybe do some writing when I’m awake to reduce the time spent staring at the ceiling in the night. Or maybe plan my sleeping time with a break in the middle for getting up and being me.
The Hard:
– The cold that knocked me down left me with a cough. It’s not bad, but everywhere I go, I feel like I have to tell everyone “It’s ok, I’m not *really* sick, I just had this cold and the cough hasn’t gone yet.”
– Weird sense of being spread too thin all week, like I didn’t know who I was or why. Kinda uncomfortable.
– Disappointed in the Asian Celebration – was expecting more arts and culture and less consumerism. Even the shopping booths didn’t have the arts and culture I was hoping to see.
– An argument with the man on Valentine’s day that (thankfully) got resolved quickly.
The Good:
+ Visiting family in Belize last weekend, kiddo time and birthday.
+ Friday’s meeting went off well, our core group has come together and really seems to care about getting together. They’re part of my Tribe, and I love getting to feel that once a month.
+ Ran into an old friend today that I haven’t seen in ages, and she was happy to see me.
+ Some really awesome work on my Anthology of Pearl – I’d added field notes to jot down things we know about Pearls and a page for care directions.
+ Philosophy class is going well and I’ve been able to join in some of the discussions. I feel accomplished about that 🙂
+ Another Small world moment: walked into a restaurant for Valentine’s dinner, arrived just as my parents were getting up from their table.
Magical Powers:
This week: Wonder and Defaulting to Happy
Next week: Joy
HARD!
+stress leading up to RainbowFest
+feeling Unseen and Uncared-for by my community
+still avoiding [silent retreat] like the plague
+freaking out about Beans
+body stuff, the same
+body stuff, the unexpected and very very uninvited
+[more body stuff]
+trying to [rewrite a pattern]
+RainbowFest
+just having to put RainbowFest down as a Hard is its own Hard 🙁
+traffic jam on the Ladder
GOOD!
+finally [asked the person about the thing]!!
+cooking good things for me!
+cookies, cookies, cookies!
+Costume Twirly Morning
+the lovely dream about flying babies
+bought myself [a present]!
+coming out to my professor, yay!
+Toolboxing!
+the Shift! Ideal Day thing, whoa! epiphanies, hot’n’buttered!
+SPACE UNICORN! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=17o1OlroNSE
+spontaneous Library Trip!
+read Martha Beck’s book Finding Your Way In A Wild New World (highly recommend!!)
Things that worked well!
+Setting Things Up
+drinking plenty of water
+journaling
+Ladder
+Entering (and waiting to Be till after Entering)
+Mapping (part of Entering but also its own thing!)
+Siestas! (with Permission!)
Next time I might…
+relax into simplicity
+figure out that [thing]
+take Time Off
+do more Art
Superpowers I’ve Been Using
+Superpower of Chickening Out
+Super Cooking Power
+Superpower of Everyone Is My Valentine
+Superpower of Butt Jokes (hehehe, BUTT jokes!)
Superpower I Invoke
+Superpower of Completion
+Superpower of Being a Basket
+Superpower of Comfortable Stillness
+Superpower of Building
and my fake band this week: The Clonier Mamas!
Totally just one guy.