There’s a dry cleaning place in downtown Portland with this sign on its door:
“If you are unemployed and need an outfit cleaned, we will clean it for you for free.”
The idea isn’t unique, but that doesn’t matter. It’s still a genuinely kind offer and one that no one is expecting.
When I was at the dentist the other day, the first words she spoke were something that no dentist has ever said to me:
“Let me bring your chair up so it’s not like I’m talking down to you while I’m explaining stuff.”
I liked her instantly.
When you take one of Jen Hofmann’s Inspired Home Office organizing classes (or her delicious Spa Day for your office), she knocks you over by being astonishingly non-judgmental.
She’s an organizing expert, right?
So you think she’s going to tell you that those piles are the sign of a personality flaw, and how your life will be so much better without them.
But you know what she actually tells you? That those piles are a sign that you’re a creative, passionate person. That each piece of paper you collect represents something beautiful that you want to do in the world.
Jen loves that you collect ideas that excite you. And she believes in you too.
Unexpected kindness.
What these things all have in common:
They’re sincere.
They inspire people to talk about them. They become remarkable in the Seth Godin sense that we can’t help but remark upon them.
Speaking of useful Seth-isms, unexpected kindnesses are a lot like the “free prize inside” thing. Delivering something that no one would expect.
They create a kind of organic loyalty.
I now have fond feelings about a dry cleaning place that I’ve never been to and I don’t even have anything that needs dry cleaning.
I like my dentist because she treated me like a real live human being.
There are a million gazillion classes on organizing and decluttering, but I do Jen’s Office Spa day once a month. Because I’m hooked on her kindness.
What I’m wondering now …
I’m wondering what I could be doing to plant little unexpected kindnesses in the world.
In my business. On my blog. In my relationships. In my daily encounters and interactions.
I’m sure, of course, that some of the best little unexpected kindnesses just emerge naturally. And I can see how planning kindness could seem kind of manipulative or contrived.
But there’s also an element of mindfulness and intention to making this a practice, and that can be pretty powerful.
Because committing to unexpected kindness as a life practice is not manipulation. It’s actively cultivating a more conscious relationship with yourself and the world around you. And with your duck, if you happen to have one.
It doesn’t really matter whether you use this as a biggification or “marketing” practice … or as a “working on your stuff” practice.
Either way, you’re bringing kindness into the world, so rock on. Yay, kindness.
The part that excites me.
I want to know what would happen if I got even slightly better at noticing when I need a little kindness.
And noticing when kindness is showing up in my life.
Allowing it to be expressed in more aspects of what I do.
I have no idea which qualities will come into the world if I can pull this off, but here’s what I’m guessing:
Appreciation. Comfort. Reassurance. Serendipity. Generosity. Hope.
Good stuff. And unexpected.
Follow
Simply beautiful expression of what you see around you and what you are going for personally! I love it.
Amy Mommaertss last blog post..Boxes, Cussing, and a Difference in Yourself
Havi, you plant seeds of kindness in so many places, including your blog, the Kitchen Table, and Twitter. And they sprout and grow in unexpected ways.
Thanks for bringing conscious intention to this practice.
It occurs to me that if there were no God, we human beings would be responsible for acting in Godlike ways so that we might create the kind of world we want to live in. Kindness softens and opens our hearts. It makes the world a welcoming place. Yay for kindness in all its many forms!
Love, Hiro
Hiro Bogas last blog post..Shepherd, Steward, Saint or Angel: What Kind of Leader Are You?
Yay for unexpected kindness!
That’s why I love Fort Collins, my “adopted” hometown, where people on the street have been unexpectedly kind kind kind to me when I moved there from Africa a few years ago: They broke my “expectations” of what Americans are supposed to be like that I brought with me and made kinder…
And the mindful practice part is just what I need where I now live and where everybody seems so hardened, starting with me
Thank you Havi!
Wonderful practice! And kindness is one of those things that grows exponentially – out in the world, and within. I scatter a few kindnesses out there, and suddenly find myself being kind to myself, which leads to more, etc.
The more bright spots we can put into the world, the brighter the world becomes.
Thank you for these bright thoughts!
Lynne
Lynne Tolks last blog post..What if we ARE the fruit of the tree?
I have to tell you, Havi, I feel your kindness every time I get to tell someone, “meet yourself where you are, don’t try to keep reaching past that to who you think you should be.” And often, that someone is me, but just as often it’s someone else I know who’s struggling.
You give us permission to be kind to ourselves, and from there springs all those other kindnesses, as we want to pass that feeling along.
Amy Crooks last blog post..Damming the Stream
I just love this. And the timing, as always, is perfect.
Unexpected kindness is beautiful in and of itself. It needn’t be elevated to anything higher and mightier than that. And yet, as I returned to my Quaker Meeting on Sunday (after being gone for six months) I was reminded about how such joy can come for us when we express divinity through ourselves to each other. Like that’s maybe why we’re here, if we do indeed have any purpose.
Driving the point home that day, I also picked up a copy of the prayer of St Francis of Assisi: “Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace…” which also reminds me of Caroline Myss’ description of becoming ‘a channel of grace’… something I try to take into my shiatsu sessions.
Anyway, I’m rambling. But this is something that’s been on my mind the last few days. Thank you for the re-minder.
Ginas last blog post..Priority of Treatment
Tears came to my eyes when I read about the good things that my piles and stacks and collections of things say about me. Thank you.
Because each of those things has meaning to me. Someone else probably sees it all as garbage, but I see possibilities in it.
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Great, great post! I love the idea of weaving “unexpected kindnesses” into your activities. It’s the little things that really do make a big difference.
Yes, you’ve planted many seeds of unexpected kindness right here on this blog.
I mean how many other places are you given to be yourself and still be supported and expected to succeed?
That’s why this blog is special. It makes it’s readers feel like we’re all beautiful, unique people in our own right without having to go out of our way to become something we’re not.
Andrews last blog post..What do you want in life?
This is a great post and a great reminder to all of us not only to put more kindness out into the world, but also to notice it when it pops up in our lives.
Someone going the extra mile to provide great customer service or to offer a helping hand can come as a surprise. It seems that more and more, we get caught up in the hussle of life and don’t take the time to acknowledge the human being in front of us. But I’ve always found that the more I put kindness out into the world, the more it returns back to me (or maybe, the more I notice it.)
Thanks again for sharing.
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Welcome back Havi
Havi, thank you. Really and truly. Thank you.
Having serious craptastic week. Sixteen colleagues laid off two days ago. I now have more responsibility for less pay.
Like I said, craptastic.
So craptastic that I’ve not been here in several days. Then I tell myself this morning, “You NEED Havi and Selma. Go read her blog no matter who is banging at the door and ringing the phone. They can wait.”
I came.
I read.
I nearly cried (there’s no crying at work).
Kindness. You’ve given it to me today in this blog.
Thank you.
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Havi:
I enjoyed your post. We need a little more unexpected kindness in the world and it all starts with all of us. You also bring out an important point – noticing kindness. There’s probably more kindness out there than we realize, probably because we notice the mean, negative, and annoying first. Nonetheless, all kindness in any way should be appreciated.
Tims last blog post..You Are Needed More Than Ever
It’s like finding a penny. It’s a unexpected kindness.
Juliannas last blog post..Sometimes I Cry
Love witnessing and experiencing those little touches of kindness.
Katys last blog post..Are You Looking to Start a New Business?
Committing to unexpected kindness as a life practice sounds like a wonderful thing to do. Thanks, Havi, for this lovely and inspiring post!
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