Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
So my itty bitty personal ads made me realize that it’s time to make a regular practice of trying to feel okay asking for stuff.
Even when the asking thing feels weird and conflicted.
Ever since I posted the first one asking my perfect house to find me, which united me with Hoppy House, I have been a fan of the madness that is personal ads.
And now it’s my Sunday ritual for clarity and remembering and stuff like that. Yay, ritual!
Let us dooo eeeet.
Thing 1: a green or green-friendly cleaning person.
Here’s what I want:
Someone to lovingly and enthusiastically clean the Playground on a semi-regular basis.
Someone who will use green cleaning ingredients.
And who really respects the specialness, the integrity and the sovereignty of this crazy, magical space.
Ways this could work:
Maybe one of my PDX readers knows of someone.
I could ask my neighbors if a person or a firm comes to mind. And the Playground’s neighbors!
And I could write a love letter too.
My commitment.
To put the word out.
To work on my stuff (see next ask).
To give this as much time as it needs.
Thing 2: to be okay with outsourcing cleaning.
Here’s what I want:
I know all the biggifiers do it, blah blah blah.
But it’s really uncomfortable for me. It just is.
And if anyone tells me to read the E-Myth book, I will kick them in the shins. Let me have my stuff, please.
So I need to work through my stuff around this, in my own way.
Ways this could work:
Hmmm.
I can talk it over with the Playground. And with slightly future me. And my business.
Maybe they can help me see the good things that will come as a result from this change.
There is a part of me who is feeling sad and conflicted about this, so I need to spend some time with the loss, and maybe build a safe room or two.
My commitment.
To ask for help and support. To draw giant permission slips in crayon.
To take my time.
Thing 3: the best rainboots ever!
Here’s what I want:
Sadly my bright red puddle-stomping rainboots that the gentleman gave me a few years ago have retired.
I want stompy puddle boots! Colorful ones! Comfortable, waterproof, easy-to-walk-in puddle boots.
For the puddle-stomping! And to be cheery on the grey days.
Ways this could work:
Maybe I’ll find some in my wanderings, or in the neighborhood of the Playground.
Or one of you could have a marvelous suggestion.
My commitment.
To not neglect the stomping.
To take delight in small things.
To play.
Thing 4: there’s still room for two more people in Crossing the Line!
Here’s what I want:
Even though my Crossing the Line course started Friday, there’s room for two more people.
And since this is the most amazing and one-time-only thing in the entire world, I would love for those two people to find it and say yay.
There’s hardly any catch-up to do at this point (just listening to the first call recording, reading the notes and doing the Chicken Wombat Unicycle exercise, which is totally less scary than it sounds).
And even people who aren’t crossing a variety of lines with me and Selma might still want to come to the next Rally (January 24-28!) because it a) has a whole extra day at the regular price and b) is all about the Book of You.
Ways this could work:
I could tell you guys.
And remind the Frolicsome Bar!
And send out some magic. Activate the secret force of Heinzelmaennchen!
My commitment.
To madly love this program, its potential and everyone in it.
To help everyone who plays get what they need. To dance and laugh and jump around.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
Honestly, I cannot even believe it’s already been a week. So fast!
The first thing I wanted was a speedy solution to the tech disaster, and it happened! Unbelievable! Hooray. Thank you.
I asked for a calendar and got three. And they are wonderful! Thanks, Colleen and Waverly and Mary!
This is so completely perfect, because I really wanted more than one, but it seemed like too much to ask for. Now there is a calendar everywhere I need one. Joyousness.
Then I wanted movement with all the projects-in-process. This did not even slightly happen. But, in a weird way, that was good. Other things happened. It worked out.
And now we’re about to Rally, so whatever isn’t done will get taken to be rallied.
Comment zen. Here’s what I’d love today.
- Your own personal ads, small or large. Things you’ve asked for. Or are asking for. Or would like to ask for. Or updates on last time!
Stuff I’d rather not have:
- The word “manifest”.
- To be told how I should be asking for things.
- To be judged, psychoanalyzed or given unsolicited advice.
Wishing love and good things for your Very Personal Ads! I’m so happy to have people doing this with me.
Follow
The coaching process is still in flux, but I am managing to coach myself/maintain my focus so that is good (last week’s ask).
Painting is fun! Though it was really hard to buy the paint. I was surprised at how hard it was for me to allow myself to do so. (one of December’s asks)
Calendars for both the kitchen and the studio have been procured. Really cool Wolf Kahn paintings for the kitchen, inspiration for my work. And I found a copy of Llewellyn’s Witches Calendar for the studio. Love the woodcuts on that series. (an in my head ask).
Getting more clear on my goals/plans for this year (the “vision thing”).
this week:
What I want:
To be more self-contained. To be complete in myself. To not need outside validation (circling the airport with this, “Be more independent” sounds so 70’s movie/Mary Tyler Moore show) Basically I want friends to enhance my life, not to fill in parts that (I think) are missing in myself.
How this can happen/my commitment:
Gentle self talk. Noticing when I am feeling anxiety about being alone, and asking questions.
Shiva Nata/yoga
Giving myself permission to change what I’m doing whenever the uncomfortable feelings come up
Giving myself permission to feel the feelings
To notice when I do feel complete and take note of what conditions help me to feel this way
Yay, calendars-in-threes! I have three, too. They are all in the same place, however, b/c that’s where I like ’em.
Okay. My VPA from last week is still in the oven, so I’ll let it continue to bake. My only addition for this week is:
My commitment: Stay loose, baby! Don’t give in to the freakout!
Thanks, and have a grrrrreat week, one and all!
Re Outsourcing cleaning: I outsourced to my Partner who handles it without involving me. It may be a form of denial, but it is working for me. And IT is growing on me – how much I like clean and it seems rather magical that it happens.
Rainboots: http://www.zappos.com/kamik-heather-plum 🙂 I don’t own them but I do covet them every time I put on the industrial brown muck version.
I had no asks last week – so I got sick instead. (No I’m kiddng! I was still re-entering gently and riding my lovely crest of a wave.)
This week #1: Health!
Ways this could work – continued rest and sleep and copious cups of tea with lemon and honey. Ask for help when needed.
My commitment: Don’t rush it.
Thing #2: Resolution to the list of rescheduling that has to happen as a result of getting sick. (oy)
Ways this could work: patience, working it through, not jamming it all up to make up for lost time.
My commitment: Don’t rush it.
Thing #3: Forward motion on a writing project
Ways this could work: continue reading/research, just write write write write write, talking to my monster chorus/cheering squad
My commitment: Schedule and do something (even 5 minutes) every day
Progress report on past VPAs:
I have not made progress toward a Gwish day, and I’m currently overdrawn 🙁 but still have hope that client check is coming. And I did get the client project done, hence getting paid. Discovered I need even more work on other proposal, sigh, but working on that.
I did not find a better to-do thingy, but discovered that I don’t perhaps need one — was getting so hung up on the list, I wasn’t focusing on the actual stuff on the list. So more stuff, less list.
VPA #1: Get proposal for spec project done
How this can happen: I can write 100 pages I’m really happy with… I can write 200 pages I’m really happy with… agent can say “just send as it”
My commitment: I will write every day.
VPA #2: Get screenplay for client written
How this can happen: not sure, but need to stop being afraid of something I haven’t done before.
My commitment: will read other screenplays and tackle plot points — will write every day, starting today.
Thanks, guys!
I remember that the last time I was in Tumbleweed on Alberta, they had marvelous rain boots with soft fleecy interiors. My yellow boots were/are still going strong so I could not give in to temptation.
(I have Hunter wellies which are wonderful and come in a host of colors. They last time I looked, they even had plum. Plum! You can probably find them in stores and they are online at Zappos.)
Update on last week:
I wanted a way to make money. I wanted an end to my self-destruction. Progress was made on both of these, if a little indirectly. I ended up destroying my arms again, foolishly, and totally freaking out about my money-making ideas. But patterns were revealed. And talks were had. And labyrinths were traced.
That said, and renewing last week’s VPA.
Ways this could happen:
I could find a wonderful idea buried somewhere.
I could talk to my monsters.
I could talk, and write, and trace labyrinths until an answer comes.
I could dance and Shiva Nata and get some cool epiphanies.
Someone could shoot me an idea. (Or thirty.)
My commitment:
To do these things.
To find ease.
To be gentle and loving with myself.
To give myself all the time and space I need to make it work.
To not freak out even if it looks like no progress is being made.
Havi I have a tiny rainboot idea for you that kind of changed my life: cushy insoles that are designed for walking. That way I could buy the rainboots that I liked the looks of and put insoles in, instead of the impossible task of finding rainboots that looked fun AND would be good for walking.
Ooh, I’ve always wanted polkadotted rainboots! San Jose just doesn’t get rain often enough to warrant them.
Last week – I was hormonal Thurs – Sunday, and simply didn’t want to kill anyone or do lasting harm to relationships or reputation. Mission accomplished – I think. So long as there are no tickets coming in the mail for the THREE red lights I ran because I was too impatient to slow down on yellow.
This week –
What I Want:
A new pair of jeans and top by Friday, so I have something cute to wear on my birthday.
Ways This Could Work:
I could pick a night and go to the mall. I *could* technically crash diet to fit in the jeans I own….but that’s not very healthy.
My Commitment:
To have fun on my birthday no matter what. To eat healthy and drink water so that I *feel* pretty.
Another thing I want is start remembering to comment with my personal blog attached, instead of my business website. 🙂
What I want:
Space, to do what I both need and want this week. I’ve been feeling a bit overwhelmed the past few days and I want to have more space for that to level off.
Ways this could work:
I could move my trip to Panama out a couple of days.
I could start moving my bedtime back like I want.
I could notice when I’m indulging in time sucks and choose to find something else to do.
My commitments:
To pay attention and act if I can and just be aware if I can’t act.
To be open and loving to myself and my needs.
Update:
Last night I came up with a system and posted it too. It’s an armature, because I’m sculpting my life.
The man person has gone back to the US. I miss him, but it is just something I acknowledge rather than wallow in. Also, we mostly enjoyed the last few days with minimal clinginess.
Money balancing, still happening, and at it’s own rate, so, still good.
Update on last week’s VPA:
Other than Wednesday evening when I was at work way too late, I spent significant time compiling the statistics and graphs for the research report. Gotta love statistical software – I have 265 pages already not including my narrative. This report will probably end up longer than my dissertation and at times feels like it is taking just as much of my time.
This week’s VPA:
To have a draft ready to send to my research sponsors.
Ways this could work:
Let go of perfection! Is a glossary of terms really necessary? Let the Acrobat bookmarks serve as my table of contents. Go through prior emails and cut & paste text into the report instead of reinventing the wheel.
My commitment:
To keep my focus despite the looming in-class weekend that is approaching with its assignments.
Thing 1:
To be more productive at work. I’ve thought a lot about this and while I want to give credit to my “method,” which is somewhat haphazard, reading blogs all day is not productive.
Ways this could happen:
Completely overload on internet fun time on the weekends and weeknights, so I’m not craving it at work.
Become more social and creative to meet the need.
Be more social at work to meet the interaction/inspiration need.
Ask for help: ask IT to block my favorite blogs from my computer.
My commitment:
Make more time for me and my needs outside of work. I resolve to do this as an important part of my life.
Follow through with the IT request.
Be gentle with myself as I find my way in my workplace, my brain, my efforts.
Thing 2:
To exercise. I used to run regularly. Exercise will help my general physical health and energy, my pain, and my brain.
Ways this could work:
Take the advice I was given (and asked for!) for getting into shape slowly.
Buy a pair of fancy shoes to inspire me and pamper myself.
Think some more. Part of my past exercise routine was a way to escape from a bad situation. So I don’t want to relive that. Figure out a way to do it differently. It worked then, but I want it to work differently now.
That’s all folks!
good wishes to everyone and their vpas! and boots!
update on last week’s vpas:
-work on my word: sort of did, indirectly, but i am slow and tangencial and eventually get to the point. so enjoying so far getting a bit lost
-making space for the new: baby steps, but the new is taking giant steps, and now a whole lotta new has to be worked on. but it is fun, and i like the challenge and play and curiosity in brings in my life. and my closet is a bit more organised!
This week i ask for:
thing #1: stuff i need to be more at ease at my working space: a good chair, a new computer (going mac this time)and a new bed to rest.
-ways: get paid what i am owed, find a really good deal since it is sales season, not go for the one i can’t afford if there is a good alternative, prioritise and go for one thing at a time
-commitment: keep my eyes open and be curious, not be embarrased and ask people who owe me money to pay, write love letters and remind myself that these are things i actually need, not just some consumerism on my part. and make some space for them. well, they already have nice places to go, which are: to the dining room, so i can invite more than 3 people, this computer will be my soundsystem and backup, and the actual bed is going to the guest room and getting a makeover.
thing#2: clarity and time to finish the new missions that came my way this week, due next week
ways: do them step by step, with its own ritual, just for 1 hour several times a day. take breaks, go for walks
commitment: do them the best way i can, and if they are not perfect perfect, well, c’est la vie and have faith that it will be ok.
thing#3: learn to trust my intuition again
ways: no clue. suddenly stop being angry? a lightning-bolt sign, a meaning
commitment: forgive myself for still not quite getting what i was supposed to learn, have patience, ask for help, don’t take myself too seriously, laugh hard and play and write a love letter.
thing #4: to want to stop smoking
i’ll just pop it in here so the universe knows i want to feel free of wanting to smoke
have a great week everyone!
Last week’s ask was related to feeling less in-waaaay-over-my-head in regards to developing a Thing and fitting said Thing into the rest of my life.
I’ve done a couple of things that seem to be working — making “Amazing Accomplishments” lists in my planner each day and finding an accountability buddy to help me stay on track.
That ask will be a continuing project for sure though.
Commitment– one foot in front of the other, babysteps, #10minsclub
And Ask #2 — To find a way to structure my new set of Day Job projects so I don’t lose my mind.
How this could work —
*My Fairy Godmother could hand me a plan
*I could seek out other people who do this work and stay sane
*I could acknowledge that things that have never worked in the past are not going to magically start working just because I really, really want them to.
My commitment —
*to work from Reality, not Wishful Thinking
*to let go of “but I’ve always done it like this”
*to try at least one “it can’t possibly be that simple” and see if it can :p
Last week I wanted to get lots done towards my end of month deadline, and holy cow, has that happened. One portfolio finished, one with just 500 words to go, which should get done in the next couple of weeks.
VPA the first: Renewing the desire to get what needs to be done towards meeting the deadline done this week. I have a list! And I want it to all be ticket off by the end of the week.
How this could happen:
– keep working in small chunks with breaks in between
– list and break it down and list and tick things off
– be gentle with myself
My commitment:
– Not to over work myself
– shiva!
– breaks
VPA the second: I want to get my external hard drive working and two laptops backed up onto it.
How this could work:
– break it down into smaller tasks and do them over a few days so it not so daunting
– read the instructions and work out what those steps would be
– put aside some time to do this first step
My commitment:
– give myself some time on tuesday to start
– not to worry if it takes a while
VPA the third: I’m waiting on a call that will help me get done something I want to get done to help me do stuff I want to do. (!!) I want patience and also tenacity to follow it up if they haven’t called by mid-week.
How this could work:
– I can allow myself to be impatient – this is important to me!
– I can work out what I’ll do if they can’t help me/I’m going to have to wait a long time
My commitment:
– attempt some loving kindness towards myself
– work out what else I can do towards these goals in the meantime
Here’s what I want:
My big course starts this week, and I want to get the stuff finished that I need to get finished. I also want to build a sense of space around myself in the process, so that I feel like I can breathe.
Ways this could work:
I have an awesome community leader / helper, and she can be my sounding board.
I can share my fears with my awesome life-crafters, so that they understand what’s happening and so that I don’t feel so alone.
I can set priorities so that I don’t spin my wheels on stuff that doesn’t need to happen now.
My commitment:
To get enough sleep.
To be gentle with myself when things don’t go to plan.
To give myself time away from my computer.
My VPA… is to generate some movement. Today I got angry and that helped some, but it was not comfortable and its not the energy I want around me. I know that’s wht anger is for, but still.
Movement. Flowing water movement. Mind like water, if possible. 😉
Ways this could work.
Something could happen that would make me choose a front to work on OR a front I haven’t thought of before.
I could have an inspiration. Because right now I’m merely floating in an eddy. Not stuck, exactly, but tired of being here and ready to move forward and not entirely sure which direction to paddle.
My commitment.
To give the situation my attention.
To write so that I know what I’m thinking.
To simply MOVE, trusting that even if it’s the wrong move, I’ll simply make use of my momentum and change direction.
I *finally* sorted where i’m going and what i’m doing. so now my ask is HOW??? How do i do I get there? How do i make it happen?
ways this could work- i can keep talking to people and someone will tell me what i ned to know, i can remember my dreams- the subconscious insights are invaluable, I can dance shiva on it
my commitment- to stay true to myself. i KNOW what i need, i can’t discount that. to keep doing things i know work (talking. connecting, dancing). to laugh and play because that feeds me and nourishing me is he most important thing I can do.
have an awesome week everyone! hugs, kisses and oodles of what you need.
Well, I don’t need to place an ad for Amazing Tofu & Rice Soup, since there’s a pot of it on my stove!
So, I will place the following ad:
Wanted: male companion. Should enjoy outdoors, indoors and me. Prefer someone with dirt under his nails who showers after work, not before. Generous nature, open heart and cute bum a plus.
Ways this could happen: Friends of friends, random meetings, meet-cute.
My commitment: To keep my eyes peeled (in a non-creepy way) in case he is around.
And just in case anyone else needs soup:
Saute onion, mushroom, celery & carrot. Add salt. Add 4 or so cups of veggie or chicken stock. Boil. Add 1/2 cup rice. Simmer for 15 minutes. Add 1/2 block of tofu, cubed. Would probably be good with some hot and sour soup mix, too.
I had a car accident yesterday: lost control going around a curve on a snow and ice covered road (less than a mile from home, which is a good thing, but oh, man…), went off the road and collided with a tree stump. I am very glad and grateful that no one was physically hurt, but the car got pretty badly crunched. It will need body work, at least, and I don’t yet know the full extent of the damage. Emotionally, I am having a remarkably hard time with all of this.
What I want: For this problem, and the whole tangled nest of related problems, to be resolved as smoothly as possible. Perfect, simple solutions will be welcomed with open arms, but so will good-enough, tolerable solutions.
How this can happen: I don’t rightly know. I suppose I’ll just keep doing the next thing. I’ll need to find ways to treat myself gently while still taking care of business.
My commitment: To be as compassionate with myself as I can — and when I can’t, to be compassionate with myself about that.
Havi,
For boots, try http://www.llbean.com. I know. Pedestrian. But they do make great boots that hold up, guaranteed. Kamik makes nice boots too.
VPAs:
Asking the Universe for a home and a big pile of the monies to pay for it as far as purchase and to maintain it going forward.
Asked the Universe for a *solid* direction to go in my business..got my answer. But it did not advise me of how to explain it in one line on a business card. ack. stuck. Phooey.
Asking the Universe for clients–lots and lots of clients. And ideas for more articles for writing.
The good:
Lovely time relaxing yesterday. Got some lovely information from the Universe that I was asking for. Now to decide whether to make it into an article or into a book.
Have lovely gentlemen friends (no, not in that illegal sort of way) who help me when I need it. Outstandingly happy and grateful for this.
House I fell in love with is back in limbo. The auction failed. So if I get a pile of the monies, I have a shot at making it *mine*. And Lou’s. (Lou is my Vice Pawsident–Havi has Selma. I have Lou. ) House has a good shot at becoming both home and healing center all in one–it’s that big. It’s a big house located in a small town, with church, town offices and (hopefully) good veggie pizza & beer a short walk away. Bonus: quick access to major stores and highways–clients could get to me easily and I could get groceries without driving forever and a day!!
This would be such a major win-win-win. I would love it. I would have home and shop in one place. I would have built-in networking as I rented space out to other practitioners on a split/rent basis. Lou would love it. He could watch the clients through a window, and then watch wildlife, including birds, squirrels, chipmunks, deer, bear and the occasional moose. He would not be allowed to interact with clients anymore, except for those who love him. and understand that he’s..opinionated.
Lou continues to be happy and healthy. woohoo!
Elvira (my lovely little car) runs great. Her new sneakers and brakes are *awesome*. Better than new. As soon as the weather warms up a twitch, a new fuse will be installed so I can listen to the radio again.
I have no roommates for this week. Awesome-ness. The place is quiet.
Bad:
Stuck on designing business aids. Haven’t yet thought up a snappy way of explaining what I do that’s fit for business cards, elevator pitches and the window decal for Elvira.
Current lack of clients. gack.
Oh it is nice to be back here, and to have a chunk of quiet thinky-time to do this mindfully and not in a rush three days late.
I didn’t make it last week. I think. So no update.
For Havi: I have no PDX suggestions, but good luck with the rainboots! And the cleaning. May you find the graceful, peaceful way to happiness and clean space.
VPAs:
1. My house. I love it. But it is time to sell it. My heart has made the long journey from MY HOUSE I LOVE IT CANNOT LET GO to this-sweet-little-house-deserves-someone-of-its-very-own-and-I-am-not-needing-it-any-longer. For which I am grateful. But the logistics are big and difficult. It must be clean to sell it. I have already a magical offer to help with the packing-cleaning-moving-out GREAT MONSTER OF DOOM. For which I am also grateful.
So my ask is for ease and grace and speediness, since I am going away soon. I would like the storage space to present itself and I would like “shopping” my house with my sweetie for things to put in her-now-our house to be fun and not stressful. And I would like it all to somehow fit in the time I have or for alternatives I do not know yet to present themselves. Also I would like my magical house helper elves to feel appreciated.
ways this could happen: I could just keep doing the next right thing. I could ask for more help. I could find a way to do nice things for the elves. I could remember that this is the good kind of letting go. I could find a ritual for the closure.
my commitment: to do the next right thing. to not hide under the bed when I should be talking with the elves. to allow space for the last of the grieving. to be flexible about methods.
2. going away! I am going away. Soon. If I write a VPA at all next week it will be from an airport. I feel like I need to pack an oppressive number of things. I don’t mind the traveling itself, just the Bringing Too Much Crap. Especially since said crap needs to take a several hour train trip with me once I get to the other side.
The ask is therefore for ease of transit and packing, and for not forgetting anything really important.
ways this could work: I could not bring anything that I think is crap. I could ship things ahead to meet me there. I could concoct the exact right combination of luggages. I could ship a box to arrive after my arrival. My school there could provide some of the bulky things.
my commitment: to be mindful about my packing. to leave room for innovation and possibility. To investigate shipping. to not feel guilty about a larger suitcase. To remember that I have HOURS and HOURS of extra time on arrival, and the little trouble of getting things there will be eased mightily by the convenience of having them once I arrive. to shop my own house for things and then to whittle until I feel svelte. to only have wheeled things and things that can be hooked thereon.
3. My computer.
My poor computer! A lovely, enthusiastic dog was visiting and tipped my tea all over it. Now it boots…and shuts down. It was insured, happily. I have missed several of my own deadlines as a result–unhappily. My data was almost all backed up and doesn’t seem to be compromised, happily. But without the computer I can’t get to it. Argh.
my ask: for a speedy, seamless, before-I-leave repair to my beloved pixel machine. With no loss of data. Alternatively, for a magical appearance of a netbook with a webcam to tide me over while I am away.
ways this could work: I could call in the repair early tomorrow. I could be insistent on knowing the schedule. If I cannot get the repair in time, I could actually request the netbook. I could be much more persistent and assertive than usual.
my commitment: to make the call. to remain open to gifts of the universe. to be polite even when the process is stressful and irritating. to find alternative ways to do my work in the meantime.
Also? A secret ask in my heart.
Thanks and good luck to everyone!
my ask actually comes from part of your vpa.
ask#1 – let me have my stuff please. i don’t want to “stuff my stuff”, or pretend i don’t have stuff, or be “un-okay with my stuff” – i want my stuff.
ways this could work:
-i could say to myself “hey, this is your stuff. it’s okay. i understand that everyone has stuff and this is yours and right now, its legit to feel as you do.”
-i could spend as long as i want feeling that way
-i could say to others who are uncomfortable with me having my stuff “that doesn’t work for me” and continue to work with my stuff”
i commit to
-using morning pages to work with my stuff
-noticing when i feel ashamed of how i’m feeling and take a breath, when i can
-and whewn i notice after the fact that i was ashamed, take a breath then too – cuz at least at some point i noticed
-let others know as appropriate that i’m working with my stuff
ask #2 Peace about my cat
my cat has kidney disease and congestive heart failure. i want to create more comfort for myself around caring for him and enjoy his sweetness while getting him the veterinary attention he needs without panicking
ways this could work
-when i pick him up from the vet hospital tomorrow, ask them what to watch for that may signal he needs help
-ask them – knowing they don’t have a crystal ball – what may be in store for us next financially with this so i can have the cash available
-cry because its sad
-love him because he’s sweet
i commit to
-feeling my feelings as they come up as i’m able to in an imperfect way
=creating safety around this: it’s different than other losses i’ve had, there’s a million differences – make a list of what’s different now
-asking for support from the people who are likely to be able to support me.
I am going to be so brief, because I have really been enjoying being unplugged this weekend. This is the first time I went online since Friday afternoon.
What I Want
Patience. The ability to not-react long enough to breathe through the urge, the pending reflex, and think. Even if I choose to act exactly as I would have initially, I still want that space. That breath.
Ways This Could Work
I can watch myself; I’ve already got the best seat in the house. I can pay attention to opportunities.
And maybe my emotional responses can get a little gentler on their own accords, too. That’d be nice. Hint hint, Self.
My Commitment
To be patient as I cultivate patience. (Haha. Yes, I know.) To not expect perfection. To be happy with what I manage to do and not bemoan the missed spaces. To understand that going against my emotional response is not suppressing myself, but giving all of me time to have a say, not just the guts and the heart.
That last part is going to be important, I think.
Mostly, though, I am committing myself to breathing. Inhale, exhale. One thing at a time. No rush.
Havi, please go to this link –
http://www.bogsfootwear.com/_product_78059
/TAYLOR_DAHLIA_PINK –
it’s not red, but it’s so much fun!
I can attest that these boots are wonderful and puddly jumping heaven, plus warm. I have a pair of bogs that I wear to slog through puddles and snow. They have been the best boot for such purposes I’ve ever had. I can also stand in them all day long in comfort.
As for the VPA –
I ask for peace and the ability to jump off the fence and commit to acting on something that has been brewing for a long time in my head. I want it to be-come.
Ways this could work:
I can do other things that I have lined up and stop pushing this.
I can go to my cabin in the woods (ala Hiro and Creating the Home of Your Heart) and invite the Devas of Play, Creativity and Art to help.
My commitment:
To allow.
To enjoy the other creations I’m making.
To not question the answer when it comes.
What I want #1: to get well!!! I have had this cold for a month. I keep planning to be well but it doesn’t happen.
Ways this could work: It could just be done. I could find a way of helping it be done that I haven’t tried yet.
My commitment: To try the neti-pot thing that I’ve been resisting. To call the doctor and ask if they know anything handy about this particular virus. (Fortunately, I have a doctor who won’t just throw meds at me if I don’t need them.)
What I want #2: to start working through my fear towards the teleclasses I’m about to schedule. My first ones. The You-don’t-know-how-to-do-this monster is appearing. And I have to do them without investing money in equipment, since this business is in the market-research stage.
Ways this could work: I could find good information about the tech end (ie my phone). I could connect with my friend who teaches them all the time, and she could help me translate my good in-person teaching skills to the phone context. I could realize that I will be working with test kitchen clients who are happy to help me figure out how to do this.
My commitment: To do my research in very small bits. To schedule a get-together with my expert friend. To trust that this will be much easier than I think. To schedule moving towards this so that I don’t put it off.
Well, I need to change my first VPA.
What I want #1: to support my body as it goes through whatever it needs to go through.
Ways this could work: I could stop planning when the cold will be over and/or pretending I don’t have it.
My commmitment: Hmm, no change!
Thank you for the do-overs!
Last week, wanted peace and ease getting back into my schedule. Eh, not so much. Yes to meditating and walking one day and hugging my son a lot. And my husband too. But also being sick and mostly being in denial about it, and waking up with nameless anxiety which is useful to feel, but slows down the massive, machine-like output I expect of myself. And had a really wonderful conversation with my husband last night and felt very loved and supported and encouraged.
#1
What I want: To get my brain back and my sense of focus and doing less wandering around in a fog
Ways this could work: I could get more sleep, I could take more time in the morning doing energetic stuff and making decisions so I move forward. I could focus on one piece of the Next Big Thing instead of feeling like I have to hold every detail of every phase in my brain at the same time. I could love all the learning I get to do in this process. To do stuff every day and not worry so much if it’s the right stuff. Celebrate that there is much money in the bank account and enjoy it for now without worrying about the time in the future when there might be less. I could listen to my “Tall Trees” meditation with Terry and practice moving all my to-dos out of my visual field.
My commitment: Love myself as I do each thing without worrying if it’s the right thing. Delegate the masterminding and how it all comes together to something bigger than me.
#2
What I want: More warm fuzzy connection to my husband
Ways this could work: Notice when I disappear into my own world and leave him out. Tell him how I am feeling especially if it’s messy or difficult. Appreciate him. Expect it.
My commitment: Appreciate him.
#3
What I want: People I like telling me how excited they are to help me promote my new product (How to Say What You Do, When What You Do is Deep, Powerful, and Hard to Describe) in February.
Ways this could work: I could tell them the launch is happening. I could ask them how involved they want to be. I could make it easy. I could do it already. I could be open to having ideas about how to make it fun and easy. I could stop worrying about doing it right.
My commitment: Make my love list. Remind Mark, ask Laura and Baeth.
::VPA::
Here’s what I want: to teach 2 more willPower & grace classes a week
Ways this could work: get on the schedule at another gym, or dance studio, or yoga studio, or mind body movement health place. sublet space. adapt the class for outdoors.
My commitment: to keep telling people that I’m looking for a place to teach. to be open to the Right Place. to be willing to be surprised. to trust in Right Timing.
@spiralsongkat — Ohmygod your accident! How completely scary and uncomfortable. So glad you are okay, and so hard!
@char – so sorry to hear about your cat, sweetie.
@kim – yay for teaching!!
much love to everyone for your VPAs.
here are some rain boot suggestions!and from zappos so you can buy lots and return the ones that don’t work for free!
http://www.zappos.com/kamik-womens-boots~1
xoxox
amy!
Well, let’s see…
I have this hankering to learn Akido.
I’m drawn to it, yet not sure I can manage the commitment, both in time and money.
I’m looking for the right Akido teacher and situation (in Westchester/Ct area). Monsters are telling me “I’m too old” “It’s take up too much of my life” “Husband will resent time and money” “It’ll bring up unpleasant performance issues” “I could get injured/cause I’m too old” yadda yadda yadda.
Ways this could work:
THere could be someone I know who recommends a local Akido place.
I could go try some free classes and see what feels right.
I think about giving something else up to do it (ayyy)
The right teacher could appear.
My commitment:
Talk to monsters (sometimes I feel like Dr. Dolittle)
Do a focusing session on it
Shivanata – of course
Stay open to all possibilities including that this is a passing interest.
@Havi Good luck with finding some boots and a green cleaner.
I keep missing the VPA on Sunday and remembering it mid-week.. and then thinking that i can’t play.
Sod that.
My VPA from now til sunday or tuesday –
Simple Solutions
Here’s what I want:
I have a few pieces of work on the go. I’ve identified some things that get me stuck and I need some simple solutions to getting unstuck. To break the pattern of fear.
I also have to decide my future in the next few weeks and apply for things. I’d like simple answers amidst the “ahh complex ideas!” rush.
Ways this could work:
Shivanata.
Dancey music that I just have to prance around to.
Lists.
Calculations.
Research options.
My commitment.
To dance.
To set aside time where I’m allowed to feel the fear and talk with it.
Havi, I’ve been cleaning my son’s Montessori School for several months now as a volunteer and I’ve found I really LIKE cleaning. It brings me peace.
So does doing good things for the world we’re leaving to the next generation(s) to deal with. I like doing things greenly. Like cleaning. 🙂 Reusable washable rags, biodegradable and enviro-good blah blah blah cleaners. Things that smell decent, clean well, and are nice to the hands that apply them to surfaces!
While my son is at said school I have free time, so I guess I’m saying I could be your green cleaner if you’re not wanting to go through an official company of some sort. I’m just a good person who knows how to and likes to clean. What kind of cleaning schedule/routine are you looking for?
I have great respect for what you do, and I’d love to help.
Katie C.
Here’s what I want:
To start getting ready for work again
Ways this could work:
I continue to allow my body to heal from my operation. I think gently on the projects I am excited about. I Play and draw and have fun with concepts, ideas, and shapes of the projects without putting any actual work into place.
My Commitment
To go gently and allow my body to heal from my operation. To get my home life back onto the routines that work to make us all happy, fed, and cared for. I will work when I feel ready to work.
Here’s what I want:
The window company to accept their man made a small mistake, and cover the costs of having to fix the repercussions of that mistake.
Ways this Could happen
They could agree to pay for the whole bill of $350ish.
They could accept my offer to pay half of the whole bill, thereby making it around $175.
My Commitment
To keep putting myself out there and trying not to be cruel. I don’t need to look like an asshole in order to get my feelings across. I will let the angst go when I feel there is no further chance of resolution, and I am ready to let go.