Note: it is almost impossible to get on the Ask Havi list. This person got in by a. being one of my clients or students, b. flattering the hell out of my duck, and c. making life easy on me by being clear about what the question was and what details I could use.
Here it is:
“How did you get into the coaching thing? How did you get started? Is there a post about this already? If so, can you point me to it?”
Crap. I was positive there was a post about this.
There wasn’t, so I must have either written it in my head (in which case, where did it go???) or answered it in an email a million years ago when I still did email.
Anyway. Here’s the abridged version.
And I should warn you that the problem with my particular story is that it’s weird enough to be un-repeatable. But I’ll try to throw in some Useful Bits at the end.
People started showing up.
It’s 2003-ish.
I’m living in Tel Aviv.
I haven’t heard the word “coaching” yet. And if I had it probably would have made me throw up.*
In the meantime, I’ve been processing my transition from professional bitchy rockstar barmaid to kooky yoga teacher.
And that’s when they started showing up.
People. Wanting me to help them shift stuff.
First it was other yoga teachers. Wanting to know what techniques I was using to pull off the tough life changes they’d seen me make. Then it was my students. Then it was random strangers.
*It still kind of does. I really, really dislike the word “coaching”.
So I started teaching.
The issues people had were all different.
Everything from broken hearts to losing weight to wanting to learn Russian (I don’t speak Russian, which made it even more interesting).
And the stuff I taught was always about figuring out what your stuff was, and then interacting with said stuff in a conscious way.
I’d started experiencing for myself how Dance of Shiva was rewriting my patterns in the craziest of ways, so I prescribed it in small doses. And of course yoga. And cognitive exercises. And and and.
In my mind it was all yoga, just … not the stuff they teach you in the kind of classes where the focus is, you know, how to stick your leg behind your head.
Then people wanted to pay me. Which totally freaked me out.
Like a lot of yoga teachers and alternative health practitioners of all stripes, I was dealing with more than enough stucknesses of my own around “receiving” in any form.
But especially the “monetary renumeration” kind.
It was becoming clear that people wanted to give me money for my help, so I used my techniques to work on that too — slowly, slowly, slowly.
In the fight between “I can’t take money for sharing universal wisdom — something that I’m just distilling and helping someone apply to their specific situation” and “but I also can’t make enough money teaching regular yoga”, the need to pay rent won.
Well, the need to pay rent combined with my inability to stay in a job anywhere that’s not a bar or a yoga studio.
So my help became a thing.
And now the Twilight Zone part.
I moved to Berlin. And within the first week everything went to pieces.
The ear infection from hell changed everything.
I lost all hearing in my right ear for six months. I was weak. I couldn’t work. I couldn’t teach. I couldn’t do yoga.
None of my trusty techniques were relevant in this situation.
In total desperation, I turned to flavors of weird energy stuff that I had always thought were ridiculous — and ended up adding all sorts of wackiness to my repertoire of things that can potentially be useful.
In the meantime, something about the stuff happening in my middle ear allowed me to access all kinds of intuitive abilities. Scared me half to death.
So I was healing from huge amounts of pain. And I was learning how to use my powers.
Oh. And I’d decided to use them for good. Which was also scary.
I got better. And three things happened.
1. I threw myself back into my Shiva Nata practice. Epiphany city. Huge, huge, huge understandings about everything in my life.
2. I downloaded the entire Fluent Self system in one afternoon. It just came — and I spent the next few months furiously writing down everything I could.
3. And I started teaching workshops about changing habits and rewriting patterns. See also: How The Fluent Self Got Its Spots.
Then more things happened.
People started hiring me to help them problem-solve.
The Dance of Shiva parts of the workshops were very successful. So successful that I started focusing on the brain-training part of my system, because that was what people seemed to want.
After an eleven year hiatus, I returned to the States.
I discovered that this helper-mouse thing I was doing was already sort of a thing.
People didn’t do it the way I did it. But in a sense it was a thing, and that thing was called “coaching”.
To certify or not to certify.
Aside from my issues with the word (it still conjures up an image of a gym teacher with a whistle hanging from his neck, yelling GO GO GO GO GO), I also had issues with certification.
One of the things I’d learned from the yoga world was that certification is one of the most bullshit things there is. At best irrelevant, and at worst scammy.
I don’t regret any of the yoga teacher trainings I have done. That’s how I first connected with Andrey Lappa, who became my intellectual and spiritual mentors.
These kinds of trainings have allowed me to study with phenomenal teachers, to go deep into all kinds of learning, and to become a better teacher through watching other people do it.
But you know what?
I was a perfectly good yoga teacher before those trainings.
And in all my years of teaching yoga and Shiva Nata in yoga studios around the world, not once have I been asked if I have international certification. I do, but no one has ever asked.
So I decided that I would keep learning stuff from the coaching world. And I would take trainings if and when I felt moved to. But I wasn’t going to jump through a bunch of hoops for a totally meaningless piece of paper.
Whew.
And then?
Well, no one (aside from people who want to become coaches) has ever asked me if I have “coaching certification”.
People hired me and my duck. They had ridiculously great results. They told other people.
Selma and I turned some of our workshops into online programs and ebooks and stuff.
We went through some really rough parts too. Got all kinds of terrible advice.** Made mistakes. Learned stuff. And it didn’t happen overnight either.
**Thanks for nothing, everyone who thought I needed to specialize in something targeted like ‘helping 45 year old women quit smoking’.
I used my techniques to biggify my own business and — more importantly — to gradually feel more comfortable being all biggified.
Which got me all fired up about the connection between working on your stuff and bringing your thing into the world.
The intersection of non-cheesy self-help and mindful business biggification.
And here we are. Hi.
The take-aways, such as they are.
So I wouldn’t recommend that you try to follow my path or imitate what I’ve done because yeah, even if you could, it would still be painful and horrible.
Not recommended.
What I would say is this:
- I definitely wish I’d spent less time waiting for external forces to give me the legitimacy to help the people who wanted my help.
- The smartest thing I did along the way was making my first priority working on my own stuff. Everything comes from that anyway.
- If I were doing it again, I’d spend less time hiding my duck from the world while trying to sound like an expert (yuck), and more time being my kooky self out loud.
- Continued learning and education = the bomb. Certification = hugely unnecessary.
Hope some of that is helpful. And, if not, then at least semi-entertaining.
Good luck with your thing. Your thing! And even if this seems impossible to believe right now, the world needs you. And hiding from the people who need you isn’t fair to them or to you.
Okay. Off the soapbox. I promise not to be all inspirational for at least a few weeks. 🙂
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I’m with you on the hatred of the “coaching” metaphor. And I’m someone who rarely meets a metaphor he doesn’t like.
You’re also right (from my twisted view) about certifications. I made big bucks working for a certain software company in Seattle writing training manuals so people could become “certified” after paying large amounts of money. But it really didn’t mean that they knew how to do anything, just that they could answer questions.
And they didn’t even have ducks.
Now I flinch a little every time someone introduces themselves as a “coach” and my alarms go off. Most of the time this means the person really doesn’t know how to do whatever it is, and doesn’t have much experience under their belt.
I’ve also found that sometimes 20 years of experience can be the same year of experience repeated 20 times.
Thanks for being so inspiring. I’m headed off to bake bread, plant seeds, and sing a song.
.-= Dick Carlson´s last post … The Only Ones With A Problem With Our Interface Are The Users =-.
There’s a good few weeks worth of inspiration here, so I guess it pans out. Bravo for this post!
Certifications… if I’ve do one to learn more, it works out. If I do one to get a permission slip to pretend I can do something, not so much. They’re very much about institutional control of a market or practice, not so much about quality and instruction (In my experience.)
And Dick? “I’ve also found that sometimes 20 years of experience can be the same year of experience repeated 20 times.” Amen. Patterns, patterns, patterns, ey?
.-= William S. Randall´s last post … YouTube Gets One Quindozillion Views a Second =-.
Loved this one, Havi, as my path has a similar trend. “Coach” is just a hook that people hang meaning on, so I decided to stick with it, though for the life of me I can’t come up with an adjective before coach that I like. Right now, it’s momentum coach. Who knows what it’ll be next year.
I also really resonate with the whole certification bit. I used to worry about it, but it’s a bit of an indicator for me now. If someone were to ask me if I were certified in a way that indicated it was important to them for hiring me, then it’d be one of those things that would let me know that we’re probably not a good fit.
So, before this becomes a long comment that basically just says Ditto, I’ll just say Ditto. And “Rock On!”
.-= Charlie´s last post … November 2009 Planners Available =-.
“And I should warn you that the problem with my particular story is that it’s weird enough to be un-repeatable.”
This sentence stopped me in my tracks. So bizarre it can’t be spoken of again? So weird I would never want to relay your story to someone else out loud? What the hell kind of story could that possibly be?
And then I re-read your sentence for about the third time and said to myself, “Oh, the other kind of repeatable: that one could repeat. Y’know, the obvious definition. Duh.” And that made me laugh, so it’s all good.
Also, thanks for the good luck. I’m not at all convinced that the world needs my thing, but I’m taking steps to take a stab at offering it.
.-= claire´s last post … Rainy day, 2 =-.
Thank you so much! I agree, calling it “coaching” leaves me with an “ick!” feeling too, but I didn’t know what else to say with the 140 character limit. “That awesome thing you do with biggification and awesomeness and spreading joy and helping people. You know. The Thing.”
I guess that’s under 140 characters. Crap.
🙂
<3
.-= vevice´s last post … I Should Really Pay More Attention To What I’m Saying =-.
I always love learning more about how you got to where you are now. The takeaways from this post are so especially useful to me now, too. Looking for outside legitimacy being such a huge theme in my present world and the need to work on my own stuff first being a huge theme for… a long time. And yet, I resist.
You also confirm something I’ve long suspected re: certification (and I’m taking it as in whatever, not just coaching or yoga) being totally overrated. This post will give my brain stuff to chew on for weeks, thank you.
.-= Darcy´s last post … Day 2: Why can? =-.
Wow Havi, your story is like something I read in Plato’s “Republic.” You went to the dark side, got crazy loopy in your ear-head and all down and out, then you emerged to the light.
The Greek word I’m thinking of is “katabasis.”
A woman at Equinox (my gym) told me that I was performing a “mitzvah” by listening and responding to her inability to be loved. Is this a form of coaching??
.-= Lydia, Clueless Crafter´s last post … The Homemade Halloween High =-.
Inspiring, as usual.
I would say more, but I have to go and do some living out loud now. 🙂
.-= Amber´s last post … What I Learned in October 2009 =-.
“I definitely wish I’d spent less time waiting for external forces to give me the legitimacy to…” I like this. Could also be followed by
– make a decision
– to do what I feel like doing
When I look at the ads in our local esoteric magazines they make me shudder: all those people with alleged healing powers who claim to be certified in at least 10 different things (reiki, aura reading, acupressure, feng shui, iridology….). All the people who have truly helped me (and many others)in difficult situations through words and treatments never advertise nor wave around their certificates (if they have them) nor call themselves coaches. But people seem to like the idea of having their emotions coached, maybe because of the business-like sound it has. That’s why they also like the M-word.
So, I can fully understand your dislike for the C-word. My most disliked word this year is power point presentation.
See, I was always wondering why, when I hired you, you kept whistling and yelling GO GO GO GO GO!
Now I know.
.-= Naomi Dunford´s last post … Social Media and Social Proof: On Twitter Lists, Metrics, Mammals and Marketing =-.
Naturally you don’t like the C-word — it has a d——-g in it.
“The smartest thing I did along the way was making my first priority working on my own stuff. Everything comes from that anyway.”
Yes! Thank you so much for this! Putting daily time and energy into my own self-work has been an integral part of my — well, I guess you could even call it my work ethic — for as long as I can remember. Occasionally I catch myself feeling guilty about it, as if I somehow should be “done” with all that stuff by now. Nope. It’ll never be finished, not as long as there’s still time and room to grow and evolve.
.-= spiralsongkat´s last post … Some people cry at weddings… =-.
@Naomi – you know how to whistle, don’t you…
Well, I don’t. But if I did, I’d be whistling at you. But only because you’re hot.
@spiralsongkat – you said the d word! you said the d word! *falls over*
@Havi — Sorry sorry sorry! *offers soothing beverage of choice* 🙂
.-= spiralsongkat´s last post … Some people cry at weddings… =-.
As always (what is this crazy timing magic you do?), this post comes at a fantastic moment for me. There are some standard legitimizers I have to obtain through official channels in order to be legal/legit in my field of choice (not coaching). However: 1. It is of vital importance that I not actually *define myself* by my current lack of those extra letters behind my name. 2. There’s plenty of great work I can do in the meantime, too. 3. I am a complex alive person who has 9897 facets that are not specifically work-related, and they *all* matter.
.-= Tracy´s last post … Reflection: Beginning, and Beginning, and Beginning =-.
Wow. You just read my mind and helped me answer the question I’ve been mulling over for a year. A YEAR.
You’re an intuitive rockstar. Thank you.
Adding to the list of words I dislike (probably because they have been highjacked by the corporate world and misused)… is TEAM. I used to be on sports teams, lots of them, and that’s exactly WHAT THEY WERE.
Organizing for a corporate Halloween party does not make me part of a “Halloween Team.” (Oh, but it did. It did. *sigh*)
Thanks for this. I’ve been struggling over hiding my own duck for a long time (although, of course, my duck isn’t a duck–you know what I mean).
Important to be yourself, even if it involves a duck. Or a not-a-duck.
I love having the opportunity to hear your story. I have to agree with you on the coach certification stuff. I’m a former school teacher (with a degree), a fully trained marriage and family therapist (with a degree) and a trained life coach (no degree and no certification). It drives me bonkers* knowing that there are some folks out there that think they’re a better (or more qualified…or whatever) coach because they spent the money to get certified than I am with even more education and training.
* okay, not “bonkers” per se – it’s not like like I dwell on this day in and day out…just on the rare occasion when someone might throw a shoe or two in my general direction. For the most part I figure “to each his own” and carry on with my business and my merry way 😉
.-= Katy´s last post … The Universe is Your Dog =-.
halloween team ! snork …
yes very very pertient post as usual. Thanks Havi
.-= creativevoyage´s last post … don’t worry =-.
I also almost ruined my business trying to specialise in a niche and a target market… (I don’t WANNA!)
You and Naomi have given me permission to give myself permission to just do what the hell I want OUT LOUD
and… allow my people to find me.
Even after I hit submit too early.
And hurrah about not being certified. Struggled with this all year and decided…. NAAH.
I’m sure you’ve heard this a hundred times…and I’ll say it again: I feel like this post was written for me!?!! 😉
I think a big part of my stuck is that I’ve been trying to put my thing into the coaching box; I think my truth is that my thing is a form of advocacy for advocates (that includes some coaching stuff in it). And now I have a name and a website and a twitter name that all have coaching in it! Yikes! I’m guessing you’ll say this is a perfect opportunity to speak my truth in an announcement and find my right people and be more of myself and all that…am I right?
Thank you for sharing this…for sharing all the links to your story as I hadn’t read those post before. Giving me hope, Ms. Havi.
I SO needed to be reminded of those take-aways today, especially the credentialing hoops thing. Thank you!!! Think I’ll print them out and put them where I can see them often.
Deb
.-= blissmonger´s last post … Glam–several versions =-.
I used to believe a life coach was someone incapable of living so they coached. Now I’m in danger of becoming one.
Inspirational–thank you.
.-= Kaushik´s last post … Playing… =-.
I always suspected you had superpowers, and now you’ve admitted it! Glad you’re using your powers for good. Not that I could imagine how they’d be used for evil. (Reckless smallification? Perhaps in bizarro world where your evil twin Ivah lives?) I’m eager to see what road I’ll have to walk to gain my superpower, hopefully without the whole crippling oozy ear infection thing (your radioactive spider?). To quote Twain, “You can’t reach old age by another [woman’s] road. My habits protect my life but they would assassinate you.”
Anyway, great post! Stuff happens, you realize you’re a conduit for something kick-ass, you show up (even if that alternates with hiding) and then so does everyone else who needs what you’re channeling. Simple, beautiful, hard.
@Tisha – I think you’re going to be okay! I mean, problematic as the “coach”-word is for some of us, the truth is that this is what most people google. It’s what they look for.
So using the word coach (even if you’re explaining your own personal relationship to that word) is very useful. People google coaches. They hire coaches.
I got waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay more business after my business mentor (whom I refused to call my coach) told me to put a “coaching” tab on my site or to mention “coaching clients”.
In fact, I even had people tell me “Oh, I had no idea you DID that — I would have hired YOU if I thought you were a coach and instead I went with this other person”. So.
Nothing wrong with using a word that people are familiar with.
And then you can redefine for yourself what your own mix of coaching, love and advocacy is and talk about that.
Your right people will be all YAY TISHA because you are so completely wonderful, and then no one will care about what you call it either way. Does that help?
xox
h
OK, lurkdom officially over here.
Two posts I comment on in one day? Wow.
I am looking forward to a few more minutes reading this over again and linking to all the other good stuff to read.
Enjoying the getting to know about you deal.
Thanks again Havi.
Thank you.
Really, thank you.
I felt like a weirdo because I had a hard time getting the word coach past my teeth when telling people what I’m headed for next.
I feel like a weirdo when I don’t WANNA pick a niche, because I think it’s all tied together, but somebody tells me if I want to get successful at the c word I should define my niche and brand that baby.
Blech.
But I thought I was just being weird and finding a way to stay stuck by not wanting to fit into those boxes.
Did I say thanks for your ever-validating work?
CJ
.-= Christi´s last post … Too Tired to Get Done? =-.
Made a friend laugh hysterically at my mad kazooing skills this weekend and remembered you.
I understand what you mean about the word coach. I don’t much like “web designer” either. It just doesn’t feel right, but I still have to use it. Maybe one day that’ll change.
Thanks for sharing your lovely story. I love reading how people got started. I would have done a lot of things different at the beginning myself, but I don’t regret anything. I have before, but realized that it’s pointless because you can’t change what’s done already.
Anyway, if we had all the right answers and everything cleared out for us, life would be pretty boring, right? 🙂
.-= Naomi Niles´s last post … IttyBiz Site Redesign =-.
Havi,
I feel so freed from the tyranny of certification. THANK YOU!!!
Like you, I have much life-learned knowledge to share, and I am no longer afraid to share it because it isn’t “professionally approved”
Peace & Love
Maureen
.-= Sunshyndreamer´s last post … Riding a motorbike taxi in Tanzania =-.
Hi Havi, thanks for this post. It’s given me a couple of things — relief that just because I’m not succeeding enough to consider myself a success yet, that doesn’t mean I won’t succeed, I have time. The other thing is the Dance of Shiva link. I guess when the time is right, the thing shows up, haha! Because I’ve been poking around this blog every once in a while for several weeks now and I never saw the Shiva Nata blog! Even though that’s what you do! Incredible.
Anyway, I had that download thing happen to me last month, and I started working with one client this month, and even though I’m super happy this part of my life is FINALLY starting, however small, I’m not giving myself the pat on the back I deserve because I’m still working on my money stuff and finding my people. And, well, that’s what I meant when I said I find relief in reading that success takes time. I have time. Yay!
Thanks! 🙂
Oh, and my body had a sort of reaction, a good reaction, to the Dance of Shiva, so I’m going to poke around in that blog some more, and there’s a pretty good chance that I’ll be getting your Starter Kit soon. Hee hee! My body is excited just looking at that video.
.-= Elisa´s last post … Somewhere Cows Are Looking for Me =-.
Thank you for this wonderful post. I’ve been following your for some months now, but I haven’t seen it before. And now I I just have found it in the moment I needed it most. Great.
I’ve been starting living this spirit and I see it as some sort of great adventure- especially in Germany! 😉
Thanks a lot.
How did you create this website? I am lacking this? Tooo much com-fus=er-ation (my word for computer frustration)You asked for my website above and well I do not have one.
I have a http://www.munichalist.com.de.eu
Oh I have found you in the strangest ways ! I was looking for a quote by Terry Pratchett about the work that witches do – “Filling what’s empty, and emptying what’s full” – and stumbled over your Blog. How come I’ve never met you ? I’ve been looking for YEARS !
Anyway, as you can probably tell, here I am rootling about in your archives, looking for truffles of truth. This is a very helpful article. I’m a Lighthouse, myself, and am finding it hard looking for clients, starting a business, or ordering cards, because its kinda hard to explain what I do….
“I discovered that I can’t find my way out of the fog, because I’m supposed to be *in* the fog, helping other people stay off the sharp rocks, avoid unhelpful currents, find a safe harbour and generally illuminating stuff for them. I also have stripes and a foghorn”
Yeeaaahh… so NOT a job description. especially since most of it involves sitting in people’s kitchens, drinking tea..
Anyway, obviously COMPLETELY meant to find you 🙂 I also highly approve of the Pirate Theme 🙂
I am sending so much glowing appreciation your way. I’ve been reading your site all afternoon after finding a link to you while researching how to write a manifesto. I stumbled across you a few months ago, read two posts, and then moved on – I guess I wasn’t ready!
Anyway, I felt moved to comment on this specific post because I’ve been really wrestling with the question of whether or not I needed certification. I technically fall into the coach category, though I have issues with the word, and while I’m using learned knowledge from my path and intuition to teach my clients, I keep wrestling with the “You’re a fraud” monster around the whole certification issue. This helped a lot.