Personal ads! They’re … personal! Very.
So my itty bitty personal ads made me realize that it’s time to make a regular practice of trying to feel okay asking for stuff.
Even when the asking thing feels weird and conflicted.
Ever since I posted the first one asking my perfect house to find me, which united me with Hoppy House, I have been a fan of the madness that is personal ads.
And now it’s my weekly ritual. Yay, ritual!
A love letter this time.
Because The Fluent Self is celebrating a birthday today. And it feels like kind of a big deal. So I’m writing it a letter.
My dear sweet love,
It is five years today since I knew you existed. A few months later when you first got your real name.
And four years today since we marched into City Hall in San Francisco and made it official.
I felt as though I was holding you in the palm of my hand, trying to grasp how something so fragile and so special could breathe and exist in this world.
Like if someone breathed too hard, you would be gone. Whoosh. A dandelion in a gust of wind.
But I was wrong.
You may have been a tiny, sweet thing, but you were also a force to be reckoned with. So much power. So full of surprises. The best possible birthday present to me. Every single year.
And look at you now.
Your success provides me and Selma and my gentleman friend with a beautiful, safe place to live and everything we need. With a kooky, bizarre, fun, meaningful life.
With this space. This gathering of bright, interesting, silly people who are my people. My right people.
And you care for me as much as I care about you.
And you are pure possibility.
Oh yes. You are my pirate ship and I am your pirate queen. We can go anywhere together, because you are the fastest and — when I am with you — I become the smartest and the silliest and I can imagine anything.
Who would have thought? Not me.
Remember?
Ohmygod.
I knew nothing about business. Nothing.
But you needed to live. And thrive. And do crazy, wonderful things in the world.
Also, I really needed to not live on the street.
And so I learned. We didn’t have any money so I threw myself into reading everything I could get my hands on.
Remember? How many ezine-thingies and online newsletters we devoured? How many stacks of business books from the library?
The classes at the Small Business Association. The freebie teleclasses from various biggifiers. The binders of notes and piles of scribbled ideas.
It was two years before we actually bought anything. A class with Andy. It was awesome. I was too scared to speak during the calls but I took notes on how one day I would teach mine.
I remember.
I remember when I was too embarrassed to hand out business cards without adding oh I’m such a corporate whore sell-out sorry that I have a business card I know it’s gross I’m sorry.
I remember when we’d get six people on a teleclass instead of six hundred.
And when it was terrifying instead of fun.
I remember doing things the hard way. I remember staying up too late and getting up too early.
Forgetting to take care of myself. Forgetting to live by what I wanted to teach.
And of course there were shoes thrown at us. Each time the period of paralyzing fear and agonizing doubt that followed got shorter…
But it took a hell of a long time to even notice that.
We’ve been through a lot of scary together.
Like when we produced the Procrastination Dissolve-o-Matic. It took months. Just the hugest, craziest most intimidating project.
And I was so afraid we’d never finish and I’d have to die of shame. Or possibly of boredom from everyone I met making “oh, are you procrastinating on your procrastination book” jokes.
Then it was done and only a couple of people bought it even though it was on sale for practically nothing (in retrospect possibly because it was on sale for practically nothing).
And my monsters were horrible and bitchy about it:
What’s the point why do you even bother doing anything since no one appreciates it anyway and it probably isn’t even any good and you’re wasting your goddamn liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiife.
Except that then the people who had it were getting these amazing results. And changing their lives in cool and completely surprising ways.
It’s now our most popular product by a lot (even though my own personal favorite is still the Emergency Calming Techniques package). So. Just goes to show ya.
Yeah. I know. It was me who was worried. You, my sweet business, you were fine. You were always fine. I’m the one who concocted all the drama. You just did what needed to be done.
Regrets? Sure.
I’ve made some decisions that weren’t the wisest.
I haven’t always been spending as much time on the bridge as I would have liked.
There have been times when I relinquished my sovereignty and let other people or situations run things.
I have cried myself to sleep. I have overworked us into Emergency Vacations. I have screwed up with people and with things and with commitments. I have lost friends.
And we’ve learned.
Thanks to you, I know how to write a terrific apology letter. Goodness knows I’ve had enough opportunities to practice that one.
We’ve been on German television. In the New York Freaking Times. Done Shiva Nata in unlikely and inappropriate places.
And get this — I can now write a killer sales page in under fifteen minutes. Except that I still can’t say “sales page” without having to throw up a little.
So I call them hats. Yes, hats. It stands for Havi’s Announcing a Thing. HAT. But you love me for that so it totally works.
Thank you, my dear.
You. The Fluent Self.
So much more of a bad-ass than I give you credit for. And so much fun.
You can stand up for yourself now. You can talk to me and show me where you want to go. We can have madcap adventures together. Whee!
Here’s to the next five years, honey.
My commitment.
To love you.
To appreciate you.
To take care of myself so we can love each other up for many more years to come.
Thank you for changing every single thing in my life.
And thanks to all of my commenter mice and the Beloved Lurkers and everyone out there who is a part of my business in some way. I love you all too.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
I wanted big forward progress on my Playground project. And got it. Though a lot of it happened in my head rather than on the ground. But that counts too. Good stuff.
And I asked for lots of questions for my teleclass on shoe-throwing. Which I got. In spades. Thanks, guys!
The last thing was about transition rituals for birthdays and such. Got a ton of excellent suggestions. And have been coming up with some of my own. So we’re good. Yay.
Comments. Since I’m already asking …
I am adding to my practice of asking for stuff by being more specific about what I would like to receive in the comments.
Here’s what I want (just leave them in the comments):
- Your own personal ads, small or large. Things you’ve asked for. Or are asking for. Or would like to ask for. Or updates on last time!
- If you live in Portland and you think you might have met my Playground space, please let me know!
- Celebrating with me for this wonderful thing that I want!
What I would rather not have:
- Advices.
Thanks for doing this with me!
Follow
Dear Havi, this is my first time on your site (actually found you from Chris Guillebeau) and I sure have no idea what some of the things you are talking about mean (going to check out all of those links after I finish with this comment), but thank you so much for this post. I felt like I wrote it myself. Besides that I am not all the way where you are yet. But I am so much more inspired and fired up now.
And what I ask for today is more allowing. Allowing the ease. Less striving. Less pushing. Less hard work. Less attachmenet to “how”, more emphasis on “why”. In short, I ask for more faith.
Thanks again!
Happy Birthday Havi!
To the Fluent Self and yourself-self.
Hope you have a fantabulous day, Lordess of the Ducks. 🙂
xox
.-= Karen JL´s last post … Books, Birthdays and Contests, Oh My! =-.
Otanjobi Omedeto Gozaimuasu.
Yom Huledet Sameach
Happy Birthday–Havi! Fluent Self
(I assume Selma gets to whoop it up too. And her birthday is?…)
Thanks for giving US gifts even on your day..the persepctive is invaluable.
Happy Birthday Havi! You are amazing! 🙂
Love and Joy to you this day and everyday! WOOT! Keep that tiara on until NEXT year! Yay!
.-= chicsinger simone´s last post … Monster negotiations =-.
Love and Joy to you this day and everyday! WOOT! Keep that tiara on until NEXT year! Yay!
Seriously, we owe you big time (your karmic tiara is probably too heavy to lift, much less wear!) because you and your lovely pirate ship/brilliance/business are gifts that bless so many. I am glad beyond measure that I found you and all this wonderfulness! Yay yay yay yay yay!
.-= chicsinger simone´s last post … Monster negotiations =-.
Thanks for being in the world, Havi, and for nurturing your tiny, sweet thing into an amazing pirate ship of fun and helpfulness. And for sharing the journey. Huzzah!
.-= Cindy Morefield´s last post … Studio Stories – Toward an Artist Statement =-.
Happy Birthday to you and the bidness (as we say down South)! You really don’t know how many lives you’ve touched and that’s pretty awesome too.
Dearest Havi, your birthday love letter to your business is so filled with your own love and beauty that my heart is full to the brim. I wish you both a joyful, magical birthday.
May this year bring your miraculous playground to life, expand the harbor for your pirate ship, and be filled with sweetness and delight.
So much love to you,
Hiro
.-= Hiro Boga´s last post … Blowing Bubbles, Exploding Patterns, and the Myth of Stuck =-.
Darling Havi,
We, your Right People, are smitten with you.
Band names, chickens, selma, Purim cookies, piratey goodness – for all of this (and yeah, the destuckification stuff), I thank you!
Big hugs and well-wishes for hiding,
love love love,
Tara
.-= Tara´s last post … Name a New Color! =-.
*bursting into a rousing chorus of Hippo Birdies Two Ewes*
Reading this was so very touching. You and your Fluent Self – The two of you turn the boring-scariness of having a business into a journey of wonder and magic. It’s an inspiring relationship. It makes the rest of us believe.
So I’m asking today for a tool to help me with my own biggification: a wee bit of metaphor magic of my very own, something to help me approach scary-things with less dread and fear. What do you say, sweet metaphor-mice? Can I have a shiny new costume to show up a Havi’s birthday celebration?
*wandering off still singing about hippos*
.-= Tori Deaux´s last post … Change. Coming Soon To A Tweaks Near You. =-.
Happy birthday, bidness-and-Havi! Long may you reign, “yar!” and etc.
Now, HEY–I am also leaving a VPA. Because we’re on a streak, here, and I’m just suspicious enough to indulge it as I throw salt over my shoulder and knock wood.
Update on last week’s di-lemma/request: done! There is still some residual hurt to slog through, but via very smart associates and magically reading the correct passages in certain books, I have clarity and some peace. This week?
What I want: An amazing first half of SXSW, including a fun performance at the panel thing-y I’m horning in on at the last moment (Battledecks, 3:30pm Friday, for those who want to come see. It ain’t yer mama’s panel. More like Death by PowerPoint Karaoke.)
Ways it could work: I could pull the perfect deck! I could channel the genius of the many, many great improvisers and salespeople I have worked with over the years. It could all be such a fun hootenanny, with everyone all super-supportive, that my overcompetitive gene doesn’t kick in and/or I don’t make myself overly nervous.
My commitment: To rest up! To do Nei Kung every day and a big, long Horse Stance prior to Battledeck-ing! To promise myself a huge treat afterward just for having the sand to get up and do this thing!
.-= communicatrix´s last post … Referral Friday: Groupon =-.
to the fluent self: thank you! for being such a wonderful and honest window to a wonderful and honest possible future! you are very, very much appreciated around these parts!
my vpa: some metaphor magic about weekends vs. weekdays, and the one being so wonderful and the other being such a marathon of drag (not the fun kind, the kind that happens to teachers when you’ve been hit by the Inowanna Express). am already beginning to see that “here” and “there” (as in “here” on Sundays i can be happy and relaxed, but “there” as in my classroom on monday, i will be miserable and working too much) is a REALLY unhelpful label. would LOVE some clarity and truth and love in shifting this one to a brighter perspective…
and a vpa for myself: seeking out thoughtful, funny, sarcastic men and women who like to do yoga, thrift, go to museums, knit, bake, talk about the future, talk about making the world better, discuss the best meat substitutes, find a roller derby or two, push me a little outside my comfort zone, watch b-boy documentaries, daaven, talk Torah and the wisdom of other faiths and insight traditions to be friends with. the time is right. yo, if you are in San Diego, let’s find each other, please.
Happy, Happy Birthday, Havi, and Happy Anniversary, Fluent Self! Today I feel like a fellow pirate queen steering my own beautiful ship into glorious adventures, and I thank you for that.
In fact, I’m working the way I feel today into today’s VPA. Wanted: my fullest, truest, most biggified and destuckificated self, living the life of my dreams. Today, right now, I am playing the part: I am acting as if my own business, Spiral Song Creative Arts, is in its ideal balance, with both of us being deliciously nourished by each other. I’m about to take my daughter to play in the park (which, not-so-incidentally, involves nudging myself into a bit more physical exercise, in playful and fun ways, which is something I know I need but often have difficulty claiming). Also on today’s agenda: making some preparations for tomorrow’s clients, making further inroads on academic projects, cleaning the kitchen (which can be fun, in the right mood and with the right metaphors), and a bit of administrative stuff. Throughout all of this, I’ll be interweaving plenty of loving interaction with my family, and joyful pursuit of whatever creative impulses tug at my sleeves and heartstrings.
Meanwhile, I am shyly sending you, as a birthday present, a link to a song that lifts my spirits whenever I hear it. To me, it positively oozes sovereignty, and, well, it does have something to say about shoes…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pjvaqVAFuLI
I hope you have a marvelous day, filled with simple pleasures and seasoned with happy epiphanies!
.-= Kathleen Avins´s last post … This probably shouldn’t surprise me… =-.
Happies to you and Fluent Self. How cool is this? Ya done good…even if you did throw up a little sometimes. You’ve come a long way, Pirate Queen. Yay You!
Happy happy birthday, dear Havi, and happy happy anniversary to The Fluent Self. I am so glad I found you both. Thank you for sharing your love letter to your business – it helped me visualize what a lovely relationship it can be. I am so excited to watch the Playground unfold – and to see what the next five years holds for you. I hope they are full of joy and wonder and magic.
.-= Elizabeth´s last post … ode to joy, volume 9 =-.
This letter is most excellent and gives me great amounts of hope for my little baby business. Thank you for being so open and demonstrating so clearly how possible it is to stay true to your best self while still supporting yourself in the world. (and helping people to boot!)
.-= Maureen Carruthers´s last post … Celebrate Defeat =-.
Happy birthday and anniversary celebrations, pirate Queen and pirate ship (and crew)!
Very much wanted for the days to come:
Lots of sleep and fresh air.
Finding a good way to cope well with the shoes that my mother will no doubt throw at me about getting a new job instead of having kids and about deciding to say yes to a job that means separation from my husband during the week.
How this could work.
I will be away for 3 1/2 days and I can just do it, go to bed early and go for long walks. On the beach, Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday.
Try a few things that I have gone through with my therapist about the communication with my Mum and about her intrusions and my reactions to her intrusions.
My committment:
Honouring my needs.
Setting up and honouring my boundaries.
Treasuring my space.
Happy Birthday Havi and Fluent Self. Party! Partyyyy! Chin chin. Or bottoms up as they say somewhere.
Huge thanks for all your support, insight, wacky and wonderful ways just via this blog and your products! Yes thanks for helping us/meee along the way and being such a source of light and heart smartness.
Hope that this year and the year ahead brings you so much playful goofiness, fun, peace and joy and that you grow even more into the possibilities that are there for you!
Keep shining bright star!
L x
That was lovely, Havi, hooray for you and your wonderful business. I’m so glad you’re here doing your thing.
My VPA: I want to earn money. There I said it! I am so over the ‘starving artist thing’. Btdt & it’s boring. It’s just a way to make artists smaller and powerless. But I have no clue how to go about earning money. No clue.
How this could work:
I could start the exercises in the ‘Overcoming Underearning’ book that I’m currently reading
I could make some small framed artworks that might have a hope of selling
I could put a ‘stuff for sale’ page on my website
A miracle could occur!
My commitment:
To finish reading the Overcoming Underearning book & start the exercises
To start thinking about ways that I can earn money that won’t exacerbate my chronic illness
Accept that there’s no instant fix for this but that at least I’m moving in the right direction now
.-= Kirsty Hall´s last post … Facing Our Art Fears =-.
Love this.
And I’m realizing that I have never wished my business a happy birthday. I don’t even know when it’s birthday is! I think it’s in October, maybe September. How horrible is that? No wonder the poor thing is so unsure of itself, its own mother doesn’t even celebrate it’s very existence!
And it is such a courageous business, and has done some amazing things but I just keep wanting more from it and never stop to say – hey, you are awesome, keep it up, I love you and will be right here with you.
Tonight’s plan: begin to write the love letter to my business (and figure out when the heck it’s birthday is!) It’s going to be 5 this year so it should be celebrated properly with sparkly spreadsheets and employee bonuses.
Congratulations! I hope you’re having just the lovely, mellow birthday you wanted. To many more.
.-= claire´s last post … Sketchbook, page 9 =-.
what a beautiful love letter you wrote havi – and i am so happy our paths have crossed.
wishing you a happy healthy birhtday and many many more.
xoxox a million times and more!!
you’re truly a gift in my life!
Happy Birthday Havi and The Fluent Self!
And thank you for letting us peek inside your your brain yet again! I find it super helpful and encouraging.
But PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE tell use the secret of how you write a HAT in 15 minutes????????????
Thanks!
Andy
(whose last thing announcing page took 2 months)
.-= Andy Dolph´s last post … Chicken Techno =-.
Happy Birthday to you and your business Havi, you have a weird and wonderful blog.
.-= Steven Aitchison´s last post … Using EFT to Change Your Life – Video =-.
You’re the best, seriously. With all the suck of running a business, I’m not sure if I could even keep doing it if it weren’t for you all being so awesome. THANK YOU!
@laine – that’s so sweet. I am sure your business will love getting a birthday card from you. awwwww.
@communicatrix – Colleen! Damn you are hot! Wishing I could fly to sxsw just to kiss you on the nose.
@Mike – the bidness! Oh I am so happy right now.
@all of you — kisses. Love for all of your VPAs and hooray for everything. I’m just glad we do this thing.
Happy birthday to you and to the Fluent Self! Thank you for bringing your wonderful business into the world and sharing your gifts through it. The world really is a better place for it.
Best wishes for the years to come! May your Playground and all the other big beautiful dreams you have yet to dream come true.
.-= Josiane´s last post … A (huge!) shift in perspective =-.
Dear Havi, Selma and GF —
What a beautiful, glorious Birthday card/love letter. I am saddened to say I have never offered such sweet thanks to my own bidness, and I will do so in honour of the Pirate Ship and all of us intrepid sailors on the High Seas.
‘Tis a thing of beauty to be masters of our fates, particularly when the winds of economy howl. Certainly never easy, although sometimes insanely rewarding and gratifying. Thanks for reminding me to say thanks.
All best wishes…and so happy to be journeying along with you. Happy, Happy Birthday.
Hugs —
Diane
Happy Birthday and celebrations!! While I haven’t been following along for five years, I have been reading along for at least the last two.
You have inspired me in so many different ways and for that I say “thank you.”
I can’t wait to see what this year has in store! Many wishes and many joyful days!
.-= Katy´s last post … So, What Do You Do? =-.
Happy happy birthday to you and to the Fluent Self! I hopped onto the journey train only about a year ago, but it’s been a beautiful ride, and you and Selma and the monsters have been wonderful companions. Here’s to the next five years of your business and to the exponential upcoming adventures of everyone on the journey!
.-= Tracy´s last post … On Mark-Making: Post-It Notes from the Universe =-.
Happy, happy birthday Fluent Self! Thank you for all the fun and genius and the rockin’ pirate party!
.-= Lori Paximadis´s last post … busy afternoon =-.
Birthdays and anniversaries, yay.
What I want:
Meaningful work. It doesn’t have to be a full-time job (multiple part-time jobs or plentiful one-shot work is just fine with me). But it has to effect people who don’t live in the same apartment as me, and it has to be in at least in a neutral way, preferably in an ideal way.
It ought to involve writing, at least tangentially. Editing is fine, too. If I can make some money off my blogging, that would be awesome, but I don’t expect that to be a major source of income this year, at least.
As a sub-request, I need the focus to keep my blogs updated more frequently, and to apply to positions I come across online.
How this might work:
My current opportunities could prove fruitful.
My dear readers could take advantage of my talents.
Friends whom I’ve helped in the past can spread the word.
I could fall in love with something I find online.
Something else I haven’t thought of, and I’m open to suggestions.
My commitment:
I will work hard with my current opportunities.
I will stay current with invoices.
I will mention that I am available for hire in public fora (hint hint!).
I will apply to jobs I find online.
I will make blogging a priority, instead of viewing it as a selfish luxury that has to wait until everything, ever, is finished.
.-= Laura G´s last post … In which I consider the year ahead: a personal ad. =-.
Happy Birthday/Anniversary/Party-Celebration Day of Awesomeness!
I’ve only been hanging around here for a few months, but you and your business have done a lot for me already! I’m really inspired by your words and your sincerity.
Blessings!
.-= Agnes Northstar´s last post … Easy Now =-.
Here’s what I want:
Hints, ideas, sparks, mini-ephips of what MY Thing could be…(I want a Thing!!!)
Here’s how it can happen:
I can put together some of the hints that I have.
Magic.
Someone can say something that can make something make sense.
Spring can spring in my head and open some doors.
My commitment:
To work through my stuff that keeps me afraid and stuck in the cube.
To interact with the stuff that I don’t know is affecting me.
To try to take whatever little steps I see that I can take, even if they seem pointless, even if they make me fear.
Even though I’m not ready to quit my job, I commit to working with whatever comes up.
Happy birthday – and thank you for everything you do. And for the miracle of the internet. Your site is one of the most helpful things I’ve read, and I seem to have spent a slightly embarrassing proportion of the last ten years reading self help stuffs.
Anyway, VPA-ness.
I have an assignment that I have muchos stuckness with.
What I want: to finish to assignment, to do it well and not do get sidetracked into the forests of self hatred.
What I’m willing to do:
give it some space
think about why I might be finding it so difficult
realise that there would be little point in doing a course if you found all of it easy
acknowledge that the world will not end (and I’m sorry to y’all if it does) if this isn’t my greatest piece of work ever
to enjoy it, even if its not perfect.
Big big congratulations! This is inspiring and wonderful.
.-= Sandra´s last post … I am a professional blogger =-.
Happy Birthday Brooks.
And congratulations on your success. Starting a business is extremely difficult. Turning a consistent profit is even harder. I wish you all the best.
jon
Just read your Love letter…
It made me happy for you & for us the reader…
I am inspired…
My pirate ship is being built, slowly & with deliberation & growing pains.
I really needed to be inspired today…
Thank you
Now I am can go back to building my ship
-Meg
.-= Meg´s last post … SOFT-LAUNCH 5weeks!!! =-.
*sniffle, sniffle*
Happy Birthday to you and your business. I’m ever so grateful to you both.
🙂
Danielle
What a touching, inspiring post. Thank you Fluent Self, for being you.