It is Friday and we are here.
{a breath for Friday.}
What worked this week?
Taking time off.
I’ve been hard at work on Operation PLAB. It stands for Pee Like A Boy, and you can pronounce it plab or Pee-Lab, since it is also that.
Plabbing has turned out to be much more challenging than anticipated (for me), for a variety of reasons both physical and psychological. So I’d been feeling frustrated about how long it is taking me to adjust to the training wheels, and how far away the goal seems to be.
Then I took a few days off during moon retreat, and when I went back to PLAB, suddenly I could do it.
I mean, I’m still using a device, and still don’t feel completely at home with it, but the thing I wanted to happen, it is happening, as opposed to not happening or kinda-sorta happening.
I was so sure this would be a “practice makes perfect” thing, but it turned out to be more like “forgetting about it and doing something else for a while makes perfect”. Delight!
Next time I might…
Call on Assertive Me sooner.
When I forget to bring in Assertive Me when I need her, we end up with an accidental power vacuum.
And then before I know it, scared three-year-old Havi is hijacking the front of the V because she thinks Now is Then.
Big love for sweet, tiny me who thinks that she can keep me safe. Her methods are out of date, ineffective and sometimes kind of dangerous, but her intention is to protect me, and I thank her for that.
Eight breaths for the hard, challenging and mysterious.
- The Disproportionate Day Twos. Sadly not just one guy. The Day Twos are what happens on the second day of Rally, when everything goes Horribly Wrong. On an eight day retreat this usually happens on Day Four. It’s when you hit the rapids, and the ensuing panic and meltdown is an important part of transformation but also very much not fun. My Disproportionate Day Twos included getting stranded at a shooting range and losing my keys to the truck and re-injuring my knee and getting sunburnt, all in that intense premenstrual phase of I Will Start Bawling Uncontrollably Over Nothing So Wait And See What Happens When Things Actually Go Wrong. A breath for this.
- Everyone I care about is going through a really rough time right now. A breath of love for their beautiful hearts.
- Saturday night involved zero sleep thanks to Angry Abusive Drunk Guy who stationed himself outside my hotel room to pound on the walls and scream obscenities. The hotel staff, the police and the medical team were all very nice, but not particularly helpful in dealing with this or even at acknowledging how scary and unpleasant it was. A breath for safety.
- Do not stay at the Sonora Inn, should you ever find yourself in Sonora, California or thereabouts. Repeat: The Sonora Inn is not a good hotel, and I do not recommend it. A breath for doing a better job of following my instincts next time.
- Body didn’t get to move much this week. A breath for patience.
- Feeling intensely frustrated about a work situation that should have been resolved a month ago, except the other parties have no interest in resolving it. A breath for going all Shiva on this one until they are motivated to resolve it.
- Boundary issues, boundary issues, and more boundary issues. And cramps. A breath for undoing.
- Inhale, exhale. May all misunderstandings and distortions, internal and external, dissolve in love if not in laughter. Goodbye (and thank you), mysteries and hard moments of this week. May I choose to trust-more love-more release-more receive-more.
Eight breaths of good, reassuring, delight-filled.
- My traveling companion found my glasses! And my keys came back to me! A breath for solved!
- So many lovely people in my life who adore me and shake their fists with me at the Disproportionate Day Twos, and remind me of truth. A breath for companionship.
- I solved the mystery of Why Is Everything Breaking. Another breath for SOLVED!
- The beautiful boy and I went on hikes in the sun, among the wildflowers and my life is peaceful and I am outdoors, and this is what I want. A breath for joy
- Moon Retreat included bath time and napping and delicious mexican food. A breath for taking care of myself.
- Joy. Presence. Pleasure. A breath for Shmita and this grand adventure.
- I rewrote and renamed something that has been a big source of pain in my life for years, and this made everything better. A breath for the magic of words.
- Thankfulness. So much is good. My knee is healing. Smiling my face off with the boy. Everything is okay. Nothing is wrong. Now is not then. All Timing Is Right Timing. A full breath of deep appreciation in my thank-you heart.
Wham booms, wisdom, superpowers, salve and FBOTW!
Operations completed. Wham boom!
I wrote a hard letter. I organized the secret files. And, even better, I wrote every day, out of desire and joy, and wrote the things I wanted to write, just like last week. Thank you fractal flowers, thank you Shmita, thank you Switch/Swoop. Wham Boom.
Superpowers I had this week…
I had the superpowers of Trust, Do-Overs, Looking Something Up Online At The Exact Right Time, and the amazing superpower of Impeccable Timing Of Outdoor Bathroom Breaks.
I mean, it was awe-inspiring. I’d finish up and then a couple minutes later, nine guys on dirt bikes would ride by on a path of their own invention right where I had been.
Or I’d be practicing my PLAB aim, and then just when I was done, some lovely old ladies with their dogs would turn up hiking in the previously empty mountainside, and I could act all demure and ladylike, as if I had not just been seeing how high I could plab on a rock.
Thank you, superpower I did not even know I had, you are awesome.
Powers I want.
More of all of the above please, and especially I would like an even better relationship with Taking Time Off From Something Actually Makes Me Way Better At It, Ta Da!
And all the superpowers of magic dance shoes.
The Salve of Taking Time Off From Something = Miracles.
This salve softens old patterns and sets of patterns, with such deftness and ease, dissolving rules, making new connections….
As soon as I begin to apply this salve, my steps are more steady. I feel grounded and stable.
All the magic of fractal flowers kicks in, so I suddenly understand, deep in each cell, how everything I’ve been doing while not doing the thing I thought I should be doing has actually been a powerful training sequence, delivering what I need.
This salve is the ultimate Wax On Wax Off salve. Or maybe it’s like in The Matrix when you can just download a martial art into your body-brain.
Now you’re not only better able to approach this, you are better equipped to be the person who can do this. You have skills, internal and external, that were not developed before.
Now is not then. Now is now, and in this charged-up now, you can have a better relationship with the thing that needed some time off. You are recharged, you trust in your abilities, and, more importantly, you trust in the right timing of this.
[This includes the superpower of remembering that things sometimes get worse before they get better, and sometimes getting what appears to be the opposite of what you want actually means the treatment is working, so remain hopeful, take care of yourself and rest up!]
You trust in your ability to learn, rest, recover. You remember that there is time. You remember that a rough day doesn’t mean you are broken. Nothing is broken. Everything is working.
Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!
This week’s band is called Help I’m Dating Huckleberry Finn, which, coincidentally, is also the name of my upcoming biopic. Their latest album is Fed Via Nachos, they play baltic-inspired versions of 40s swing music, and it’s actually just one guy.
Attenzione! Attention, AGENTS.
I am recommending the Emergency Get Calm, Quiet And Steady techniques, aka the thing that keeps me from falling apart.
Come play if you like…
Join me in the comments. Some of us share hard and good, some of us say hi, or maybe we’re feeling quiet. My ritual doesn’t have to be your ritual. Whatever works for you. We’ve been doing this every week for years now and there still isn’t a right way. Feel free to leave pebbles (or petals!), hearts, warmth, sweetness. Those always work.
Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We don’t give advice.
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever you like. Blowing kisses to the Beloved Lurkers too!
Follow
Until this very moment, I have always been a beloved lurker of your blog (and any blog, anywhere).
And now, here we are.
Thank you for your vulnerable and inspiring words. I take something away from each post I read and am always in awe of your ability to process so beautifully so publicly (and clearly here is where my own fears arise).
I am going on a short two-day trip to northern Ontario to say good-bye to a family member who is not expected to live much longer. And I am faced with many questions and realities and assumptions and expectations.
Death is loaded. So, too, is family.
I’m calling on many super powers this weekend and relying on your fractal flowers (I particularly love that notion).
Thank you. And I am thanking the Universe for opportunities for good-byes and for practicing boundaries and loving detachment and surrendering to life while maintaining my sovereignty.
And I hope whatever is working itself out on this beginning of your trip simply shifts to new joyous revelations – like gravity-defying pee skills.
Chantalle
-o-
New joyous revelations: may it be so. Wishing you all the best superpowers for this! <3
The Hard:
– Everyone is sick again. Or still sick? A month and a half of fevers and coughs and etc and it’s hard.
– Spent last night at Urgent Care because as Very Good Parents we let our two year old touch the stove and she has a nasty burn. You know, in addition to the fever and cough. She sobbed for hours and hours.
– No sleep for the feverish burned toddler = no sleep for anyone. Though she hasn’t been sleeping for days, to be honest.
– I am absolutely terrified about this thing that was supposed to happen last night, but as my daughter burned herself at exactly the same time, I now get to dread it at least two more days. And feel conflicted about dreading something that “shouldn’t” be dreadful.
– Spring Break means no preschool. And I had activities planned, but you can’t take a sick kid out and about.
– Slugs ate all my cabbage.
– Stupid $37,000 lawsuit.
The Good:
– So far, we don’t think she’ll need a skin graft.
– My mother is getting here today, so I should get to nap or clean or stare off into space quietly, Thank God.
– Early in the week I took the Lil Bug swimming and she was so brave! We’ve watched videos of babies swimming on YouTube, and she just jumped right in, with her head under the water and everything.
– We also went on a TRAIN ADVENTURE to pick up my books and find all my classes for Monday. Scarlet enjoyed the train, the buses, every elevation change, and looking for clocks.
– Unexpected ease at [Usually Hard Thing].
– I really enjoyed my writing classes.
The hard:
– Massive flu, sinusitis, fever = feeling extremely shitty.
– My body said no to flying last weekend but I ignored the no and dragged myself through a weekend that I had seen completely different when I had booked it.
– Could of course not enjoy the weekend.
– After two flights plus having to get up at 5 something to catch the return) 2 days at work which was just as stupid and resulted in making all symptoms worse.
– Comment by colleague who does not really accept illness and who works like a horse even when she is sick.
– No sense of taste or smell because pretty much every cavity in my head seems to be full of solid snot.
– Depletion, complete and utter depletion, alienated from my body, when am I going to feel vaguely normal and strong again?
– Argh, so difficult of something good:
– My cranio-sacral fairy who finally made me stay in bed.
– Sleeping, sleeping, sleeping
– Re-reading some chapters by Elaine Aaron´s book on HSP
– My neighbours
Happy Friday and cluck!!
I am clutching my pearls over this week’s hards!! Omg, a shooting range???!!! A burned baby??!! The vacay that wasn’t?!! heart sighs for all of this.
What worked this week: bedtime, omg how I love bedtime. I can’t manage the 7:30pm of my husband, but I haven’t been awake past 10:30 all this week and omg it is so the right answer.
Also: this weird pop of springtime earth energy which is fueling me, the Aries regime, my darling Andelku, and the Goddess.
what sucked:
-ughy fight with husband and the ensuing non-sovereign ick attached. may all misunderstandings resolve in love if not laughter
-8 year old melting down over everything, teen just resisting anything and everythinbg I ask
– three months without a workout and I am looking for someone to BLAME
-just now, someone hit my damn car, scratched the damn paint, fucked up one of my lights. a breath for AAAGHGH!
-I have gone from suggestions to out right demands: NO MORE SMOKING CIGARETTES IN MY HOUSE. So of course FIL lit one up. When I confronted him he was all innocent: I’m not smoking. Jesus, no, not this MOMENT, I can fucking smell it
-husband giving my permission to set and enforce this boundary. mighty white of him, since he now doesn’t have to. a breath for being the bad cop
-the springtime energy pop has been greatm has propelled me into getting all sorts of wonderful things done, however it has not equated into increased workout in the AM or PM, or any kind of evening sit, all of which I desperately need to integrate into my routine
-all the writing I’m not doing
-getting very clear that my time in the Pound is DONE and needs to be so. I am more than okay with this. then I start to feel lonely or undesired and I walk past and it is never a good idea. There’s no there there. a breath for the toys we outgrow
the sparkles:
-2 visits with my friend Joyce that were lovely and healing for us both. so glad I could be of service and help.
-there were some things that I fretted about last weekend and they all resolved in an orgy of elegant, ease-filled solutions. Take that, car stuff! Take that, [Op Betty Draper]. Take that, other stuff
-finally got below 140 pounds. hooray
-past 2 weekends, a marvelous thing in my writing: not just pushing to complete 2 pieces, but the way I sat down and got to work with 90% less delay, resistance etc.
-beautiful weather. joy
-Ostara! and all its joys!
-clews re: my birthday
And this is so wonderful: Last year, I wasn’t able to get to Rally R, many sad feels about this because I had concocted all kinds of Red Rose Rally things and capers and plans and I was invested and it all went fizzle, no one’s fault really, but man I was a sad and angry faced mouse about it. A few weeks ago I got some solid intel from IncomingMe Levanah about her space: the Rose Room. And even before that, my husband & I finally decided to get away to the hot tub cabins in Morrison, and we booked a room. We had to change reservation and now we are in: the Rose Retreat cabin. So, I’ve been vibing on roses, on rose rooms, and rose scented, rose-colored magick. I’ve been contemplating, what woulmy own damn Rally look like? I am so excited for this, also because it marks a new commitment between us to put self-care on a higher priority, and not somewhere below cat-flossing in the hierarchy of tasks. Beaming about this!
the sparkles
“Putting self-care above cat-flossing in the hierarchy of tasks.”
Yes. This.
Plus giggle-out-loud — Thank you, Leni!
Okay, Chicken, let’s look at the week that was…
Hard:
-[silent retreat]
-either I’m not getting enough quiet resting time, or I’m not making the best use of the time I do have, not sure which
-monsters monsters
-craving more interaction with friends, and not sure of the best way to pursue this
-outsider complex, crap, I wasn’t expecting thia
-just found out that a day when I have committed to a lot of driving and moderate physical labor is going to be a day when I’d be much better off on moon retreat. Honoring my commitment may still be my sovereign choice, and that doesn’t mean I have to like it.
Good:
+the pleasure of seeing my daughter on stage
+the delight of choral singing
+the joy of my work, of appreciating my clients and being appreciated by them
+I bought a new wallet! It’s a very nice wallet!
+I get to read aloud to someone every day! I love this so much!
+I am loved, I am loved, I am loved.
I would now like to invoke the superpower of belonging everywhere I choose to belong, of carrying my home within me so that wherever I am, I am always at ease. Ease, please!
If anyone asks, I will say that I have heard not-good things about the Sonora Inn.
Happy weekend, everyone! I think I’ll have one, too. <3
Oh! An important addition to my list of good stuff: I set a boundary. I stood my ground and the boundary held firm. I used my anger as an ally. Thank you anger, thank you boundary, thank you me.
I love these superpowers and want to invoke them as well.
This salve! It’s the best.
“This includes the superpower of remembering that things sometimes get worse before they get better, and sometimes getting what appears to be the opposite of what you want actually means the treatment is working, so remain hopeful, take care of yourself and rest up!”
I needed just this superpower. Thank you!
What worked this week:
– Finally realizing that my body wants to rest, and actually resting a bit.
– Telling myself that it’s ok to feel [unpleasant feeling].
– Bringing food to school.
Next time I might:
Start resting a bit before my body screams “let me rest already!”
The Hard:
1. Not feeling well and therefore feeling so, so tired.
2. A splinter in my toe which didn’t really want to leave and now I’m not even sure if it’s still there. Physical pain while I walk. I like walking, I don’t like pain.
3. Falling asleep with my lenses/in my day clothes. Fighting this for so long, it gets better but still happens.
4. Not seeing my family for a long time. Feeling guilty and sad about this.
The Good –
1. Best friend and I talked stuff over, and on only is it OK, but now I’m much calmer about our relationship.
2. I am actually noticing patterns and discussing them with myself in my relationship with [person].
3. I had this free evening and acted in a friend’s movie! Which is nice, since usually I’m the one directing, screenwriting and shooting the movie.
4. Successfully representing the non-profit I volunteer at. I want to do more of this!
5. Cool intuitions. I’m self-connected. I like it.
6. Re-reading one of my favorite books, and being able to somehow sketch the main character, which I wouldn’t ever think of doing the first time I read it.
7. Fun teamwork!
This has been a stressful week and I am glad to wave goodbye to it.
Difficult though it was, there were some good things in it:
I got a massage today!
I had two great classes on Monday. The Wednesday one was canceled, not by me, and that was good timing.
I was able to make arrangements for MrB to have a trial stay with a relative to see if it will work when I have to be away.
My friends BB and CT.
The massage therapist goes way above and beyond and so does the Butler. I call blessings on their heads.
MrB has been stressing out for weeks now about something and I was going to have to handle it but now I may not have to because a friend told me about someone else who could do it way better than I because that is his superpower.
Having enough money to pay for massages and a cleaning service.
The difficult was mysterious and the mysterious was difficult:
MrB had a flare-up of a health problem we thought was resolved and also some new symptoms that are non-specific and worrisome. The doctor did some things and will do more things next week if it isn’t better.
The thing that he’s been stressing out about has been stressing me out; and the fact that he’s stressing about something (and the way that affects him) has also stressed me out.
I’ve been thinking about reaction formation and is it happening?
The news, in general, and especially on the internet. Horrible.
Weird sleep patterns again.
After some lovely spring weather last week, it was cold and gray and damp most of the week, and that is predicted for the weekend too.
Here’s a cheer for the week being done, sparkles for the good things and hugs for the hard, for myself and for all the chickeneers.
I will never stay at the Sonora Inn. Thank you, Havi.
I *might* stay at the Ritz Carlton New Orleans, however, provided that the opportunity presented itself someday and I could afford it. This is because I discovered that they offer something at their spa called the “Voodoo Massage,” which is a real thing, and which I immediately recognized as a superb fake band. In fact, I liked the name so much, it almost made me want to START a band using that name. Of course, it would just be me…
Sending love and admiration to all the sweet souls who gather here. x
hey my company is doing the renovation of RC NO! You should go!!
I am very interested in Voodoo Massage, possibly as a proxy and possibly as a thing, and yes, that is the perfect fake band!
@Leni and @Havi: 🙂
Well chickens,
I am very sorry to read everyone’s troubles this week. And not happy to report my own either.
Tuesday had started so well, cold but clear and I thought the snow was melting and I went full speed across what turned out to be ice, and up I went and down I went and OH IT HURT. That is the short story of how I ended up with two broken wrists.
One is only a little broken, I can type and brush my teeth etc., but a lot of things off limits. The other has multiple breaks and may require surgery.
And there is the whole business of processing physical trauma, which took several days. And the flashbacks to a similar injury 11 years ago. Now is not then, but it feels just like yesterday.
The good:
-I have good insurance and good doctors, and a husband looking after me.
– So many calls and messages from friends, making me laugh and sniffle a bit.
– I have a cozy home to recover in, with lots of cats, books, and magazines.
– Enough perspective to see the funny, even though there are tears mixed in, too. Od enough to know this is OK.
– I had been feeling overwhelmed, but maybe about the wrong things? In a way this is a chance to push reset.
May we all have a better week to come. I will set the bar really low and hope not to break any more bones.
Whoops, should say ‘old enough’ not ‘odd enough.’ Though that could work, too.
Here’s to setting the bar low. Wishing good healing for you! <3
What a hard chicken of a week it’s been for so many! I had 2 days out sick from work this week myself. oh my.
–
-extra stress, which is really me letting someone else’s Stuff and Patterns affect me. A breath for their Stuff, a breath for me noticing the crack in my force field, and a breath for my own Stuff and Patterns.
-a challenging work week, or rather challenging work at the job – workin’ my brain so hard it was smokin’ , so, drained and tired and glad to see the end of friday arrive
+
+ I found a kindred spirit in an unexpected place
+ With a different person, had an extremely sovereign conversation, so fluent-selfie yet I know this person does not follow/is not familiar with this particular flavor of sovereignty. So, sovereignty translates. whee!
+sovereign support for self care
!
Looking ahead: force field boosting, compass of BOUNDARY
Leaving -o- and <3 for those who want them.
The Hard:
The long drive. My body is not happy after that. Even with stretches. Reminding myself that now is not then, and it isn’t likely I’ll fall into the black pit of pain. Also: call the doctor who fixed us last time.
Seeing a parent as a little old sick person. (But also beautiful in a way, when you see that they are still them, and you can help and tend and love and read to them while they nap like they did for you 40 years ago.)
Uncertainty about the Boy all week. Monsters giving input that wasn’t helpful.
The Delightful:
My heart is opening more. The breeze feels good.
Saw the Boy out last night and it was so shiny and happy. We laughed about ourselves, and talked about real things, and it was so comfortable and wonderful. And he said “those things made me smile this week when I thought of them.” And my Monsters fell over because he was thinking about us (and telling us!) and they got all giggly and wandered off into the meadow picking flowers. And we stayed until they made us leave and then texted until sleep.
A hand on heart sigh for things that are worth waiting for. And for feeling like I don’t have to be anything except exactly what I am.
i love the image of your monsters wandering in a meadow picking flowers! hand on heart sigh for your sharing about the boy-it makes my heart perk up to read such sweetness.
What worked: sunflower seeds with the seaweed. Ordering just the carpaccio.
Next time I might: spend some prep time on conversational alternatives. Too much in lashon hara territory this week.
Hard:
* leg twang = skittish about returning to yoga
* a promotion failed to fly
* transplanted the mama pepper plant too soon
* misogyny and snobbery, ugh
* old machine not up to what I ask of it, but not ready to invest in replacing it
Good:
* support and compliments and invitations
* radish and lettuce seedlings poking through the soil, and the tulips don’t appear to be fazed by the hard freezes
* tossing out an old makeup bag
* picture book therapy
* progress on various travel plans
Warm wishes to all y’all.
<) <) <)
Does ^that look like (petals)?
Love – I just actually read the Fractal Flowers post – msny hugs of the Zen Long-Distance type heading your way, wherever you are this week.
Man, what a week. Sorry to hear of everyone’s troubles this week. Sending calming, grounding, healing vibes to everyone.
The Hard:
– Too over-committed = Always working, never finished. Super burned out.
– Several people saying things that are the same as what my monsters say. And not being in the right headspace to meet those concerns patiently.
– Actually, having no patience at all for anything or anyone. Which is, y’know, not super conducive to problem-solving. A breath for grouchiness, and remembering that it is temporary.
– Many kinds of transition, all at once, while already exhausted & overwhelmed. And apartment-hunting, which brings up all of my Stuff about Moving.
– Having lots of decisions that must be made now, and knowing that the info I need to make those decisions won’t come in until way too late to be of any use. A breath for guessing, and practicing trust. Remembering the Havi wisdom of, “Commit to a mission, and stuff starts to happen.”
The Good:
– Despite the loud protests of the Monster Committee That Only Looks At What Hasn’t Been Done Yet, I know rationally that I have, in fact, done many things, and made much progress. Yay progress.
– Now Is Not Then. It doesn’t feel true, but it is true. Which is great, because Then totally sucked.
– The weather has improved. Yay sunshine!
– Did a lot of setting things up this week, and plan more for the coming week. Hopeful that this will help eventually.
– Found an awesome, super affordable local gym option. Pretty much perfect in every way.
– Potential awesome apartment is potentially awesome.
– Found some short-term, band-aid solutions to some long-term problems. Still really worried, but at least I now have a little more time & breathing room to continue working on coming up with sustainable, long-term solutions. Hereby declaring that partial victories totally count.
Here! Here! for “Partial Victories do so totally count!”
<3
Chicken In!
Receiving much:
Being.
Notice recently that my Force Field not only translates. The main translation lately is, “Here is what works for me/what I’ve heard works for others, so do it.” Mainly directed at The Dude and is translated into “Oh, you had Major Stuff and I love you and want you to be well.”
Notice that my Force Field also catches some of My Stuff before it becomes Words, so I can be with the person and hear their story/pain/triumph. And soundlessly radiate qualities and Yes!
Thank you for your prayers, hearts etc.
The Dude came Home Sunday, 3/22 which worked out great. What came over the horizon actually was disappointingly Same Old, Same Old with the addition of the Dude’s New Sticking Ritual. It is hard to believe what he went through considering how well he was getting around. He’s been cooking and driving and doing a little exercise. We also added more Physical Appreciation Exercises, deliberately. Because we missed doing them. He appreciates the Salves.
Replacement furniture: The ones with the cutout are for guys! But it’s more comfortable for me than the old one. Wham Boom for me finding and installing it.
Massage Monday. My sister-in-law has a yoga/massage room in her house with good vibes. I wanted to conduct there. We Shall See.
Wednesday Walk in the Willows. More plants and insects than I thought I could tolerate, but evidently not an Annoying amount. Captured rain barrel intel on my cell phone! Sparklepoints for Successfully Using Technology and for a Nature Break.
Rerun class. It made more sense the second time, but I’m glad I’m headed out on my Quest.
Renaming: Cosplay instead of housework?
Asking, “What are you wanting?” of myself instead of “ What do you want?” which carries the baggage “in the future, not now” and hands-on-hips annoyance, “What do you want, now?!”
Maybe new wallet tomorrow!
Hard – Weirdness on Sunday and today. Maybe P_S, maybe vision changes, maybe diet-related, maybe Something Else. (Monsters are picketing for Something Else Major! Except for The Scoffer who says, “You just want some attention like The Dude had. It’s psychosomatic.”)
Chicken out!
Hello, Chicken!
Breathing for tangles.
+A breath for the stuckness which has stuckified itself between my 2nd and 3rd chakras and sometimes seeps down to 1 or up to 4. Hello, stuckness! I wish you would tell me what you want.
+A breath for the Millicent Tangle (Tango?). A breath for how frustrating it is that it’s still HERE, LURKING AT ME. A breath for a world in which this can happen. A breath for a world in which this Can Not Happen. A breath for a world in which this DOES NOT HAPPEN.
+A breath for my teeth. Hello, teeth.
+A breath for the Dear Prudence Experiment. I am not sure what’s up with the weird way that this is spiraling right now. Hm.
+A breath for Indignant Me who was at the front of the V when the Down Arrow Brigade showed up last night. Oh, Indignant Me! You are so right. Thank you for remembering.
+A breath for the book with a terrible ending. It was the best book ever but that ending just RUINED EVERYTHING and I am UPSET ABOUT THIS.
+A breath, and a sigh, for Banana Peel. Still. Keep breathing, keep sighing.
+A breath for the book with the terrible ending! What the fuck, book? You were so wonderful until like the last 9 pages and then GGYYUUUGGHHHHH MY LIFE WAS RUINED WAAAAAAAH WHYYYYY??! (I feel strongly about this!!)
Breathing for donuts.
+A breath for rehearsal. Mmmmmm, rehearsal!
+A breath for yaydays! A breath for yayday with Agent Monkey! A breath for yayday with Agent Silver! Yay! Yay!
+A breath for Operation Mermaid Wings becoming Operation Swimsoar!
+A breath for the upcoming Festival! It’s almost here! YAY!!!
+A breath for possibility. Possibility!!!
+A breath for soup. Yes! Soup! Also for Swoop, which is kind of like soup, in that it is delicious and cozy and impossible to screw up and a perfect way to turn all kinds of stuff into magical soul food.
+A breath for Idea Party. IDEA!! PARTY!!
+A breath for Ice Cream Sandwiches! So useful! So tasty! YES.
Some wonderings!
+I WONDER IF worrying about a thing is the opposite of both practicing the thing AND resting from the thing. This fits with the intel [field notes on the intel; redacted] that sparked Idea Party. I WONDER what I can do to interrupt this pattern.
And my fake band this week is: Unicorn Head! YEAH!!