I feel a Congruencing brewing
I feel it wanting to come in like a sweet dusting of rain
not a storm
A sea change, a new season of whooshing away any stale or stagant energy
in small ways, tiny sweet shifts
This is me demonstrating both to myself and my space that I am
inhabiting my life more fully —
taking up space and saying I am here
Congruencing means
All the small moments of noticing that something is disharmonious
in my life or in my space
and then making small adjustments
I am laughing a little right now to myself because
past me put Fearless Intentional Choosing on the calendar —
literally, that’s what she chose for this year’s Fluent Self calendar,
a September superpower to help us stand in our strength more
and this is also the superpower of Congruencing
Congruencing time is not for big overhauls
No dismantling necessary, no taking things apart
though you might hear whisper-hints of future movement
Any point in the process might be a moment of conception for newness
a launching or a gestating of seeds
Little shiva-seeds of the pulsing kaleidoscopic destruction-creation cycle
which comes in its own time with its own unlikely rhythm
I think of Congruencing less as big shifting and more as lovingly clearing cobwebs
When I start congruencing, I go gently
Starting with the little things, often from the physical, the things I can see:
dead flowers
empty water glass
forgotten leftovers whose time has passed
haha whoops I never folded the laundry from last week
Amnesty
Forgiveness forgiveness forgiveness absolution always, internally directed
Last-week me and all versions of past-me were doing the best they could
with the tools and skills they had at the time
in the conditions they had to work with
probably functioning under too little sleep and way too much stress
and neglecting their crown, forgetting truth, totally understandably,
they wanted what was best for me-now, and sometimes made choices that
me-now might choose differently, and it’s okay
Remembering this (or trying to)
is an integral part of the culture of Congruencing
And of course I am not talking about laundry here
though yes, I am also talking about laundry
Congruencing happens in tiny deletions
It isn’t about inbox zero or whatever
just noticing: oh okay these three things need to go
the easier ones
making space for more pauses and breaths of sweetness
Iguanas
If I meet an iguana (a thing I really don’t want to do)
I choose Safety First and put the iguana in a safe house for later
To avoid ambushing future me, I might put the iguana in a folder or box
with a metaphorical comfy blanket so it doesn’t get cold
and a note on top:
hey my love, there is an iguana in here,
I trust that all timing is right timing and that you now have the superpowers
to know what is best here, and to meet it with tenderness, presence and a strong force field, thank you for letting me trust you with this
Clearing cobwebs is both good and hard, like so many things
It stirs up dust
Metaphorical dust and energy dust are just as uncomfortable as the physical kind
if not more so
Sometimes while sweeping and clearing out
it seems like I’m generating more mess than there was to begin with
all that stagnation and guilt-residue give me a headache and make me cough
but that is just the process of exiting
it will get better
An endless fountaining of sparklepoints for us
for even thinking about interacting with things that have gone stale
Things that help (for me!)
Scent: sage or incense or diffusing oil
If you don’t have sage, internet sage works surprisingly well
I am lighting some right now, can you feel it
you just have to pause for a moment and feel how your spine naturally gets longer and wider
as you breathe in expansiveness
If you land on a website with sticky energy (ha, okay, most websites),
internet sage is useful
though so is exiting as swiftly as possible
whoosh goodbye goodbye
shaking it off with your body
What else?
Chamomile extract and Headache Ease potion from Sundial Medicinals
(if you order some, say hi to Emily from me! I like her a lot)
If things get stuck or I find myself deep in self-recrimination
I reach for the monster coloring book and spend ten minutes coloring
You can also deposit monsters at daycare for a while
Getting down on the floor for ten minutes and closing my eyes and breathing
is a form of internal Congruencing
as is breathing eight breaths, one in each direction
and naming qualities
A secret.
Internal congruencing supports external congruencing and vice versa
This truth is really at the very core of self-fluency:
We can change internal space through consciously lovingly adjusting
our relationship to external space
or the other way around
(Whichever feels most accessible in a given moment is where I start)
Today I might play with Congruencing
Through ordering a new checkbook
though that actually might be an iguana
(maybe I just ask you guys where you acquired checks that you love)
And through closing tabs
Oh and making notes about small changes I want to make on the website
You guys, I missed the birthday of my site
This beautiful space is TEN YEARS OLD as of the last weekend of August!
I feel — unexpectedly — intensely guilty for not marking this,
like a mother who forgot her child’s birthday
Which is why amnesty and absolution are so vital to congruencing
because it’s very easy to get sucked into remorse
when you start to really look at what is, and you see just how much dust has piled up
So we activate the superpower of Nothing Is Wrong
And All Timing Is Right Timing
and I Am Okay
all the good things
And we move towards harmony in tiny steps, breathing with intention
Because congruencing is really about steps towards, not about achieving or
accomplishing or finishing, whatever that even means
Small changes and updates made with love, from love
sweet reconfigurings, may it be so
Would you like to join me? Or keep me company while I play…
Join me in congruencing small things of your own or just naming them in the comments, or you can share appreciation or anything sparked for you here…
Companionship helps and we are all in this together
So here is a space for that, if we want
We don’t tell anyone what to do, we meet each other (and ourselves) with love
And if now is not the right moment for Congruencing for you, and you just want to take some brisk fall breaths with me — or if you are in the southern hemisphere, warm sunshine breaths, that works too
Come share in this feeling of fresh and movement and time for newness
there is enough to go around
xox
Follow
Paused to make some notes for this week’s Friday Chicken (possibly Saturday Chicken) and remembered a realization I had last week that chickening is a FORM OF CLEARING OUT
Noticing/remembering what happened in a chaotic week and saying thank you is a way to let it all go.
EASING & RELEASING through NOTICING & APPRECIATING
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That was a very useful thing for me to notice about congruence
All timing is right timing, and the timing of this particularly so – thank you!
Much appreciation, gratitude and delight 🙂
<3
I finally cleared my table two days ago. I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER! I still have a Pile, which has now been transferred to the new little shelves in my room, and that is okay. These shelves are in my room and I’m not sure it is their home but time will tell. They got to move in there because the Right Shelves moved into the kidlets’ room to replace them, and their space feels so much happier (as do all their no-longer squished soft cuddly toys!).
I wonder if I could finally (hey, that is a judgey word, let’s drop the ‘finally’ and rephrase!!)
I wonder if it is the Right Time yet to get the cot out of that corner? And wipe down the corner table and get rid of the splotch on it?
We shall see. May it happen in all right timing, and may I be patient and present enough to notice exactly when that is with cheerfulness and of-course-ness.
Amen! xox
may it be so! and joy for the Right Shelves for kidlets, that has to feel good
Yes, that’s it, Congruencing is what i sorely need
“like a sweet dusting of rain”
<3 <3
<3
Thank you for this beautiful, beautiful post.
One of my primary missions right now is finding ways to be [busier] without feeling pressured or overwhelmed or exhausted (dammit!).
As I read this post, I had the notion that Congruence is a key part of my mission. Also — this is super exciting and still maybe a bit hard to articulate — it’s a way to remember that *each small piece* is part of the whole picture.
Tonight I have a Thing to work on that seems stressful, and I DO NOT WANT it to seem stressful. Can I use congruencing to help? I’m going to try. I’ll start with the interior, with entry: how *do* I want to feel? and what will help me find my way there?
Playing…
Mmmm heart-sigh! Yes!
Being brave and going from Beloved Lurker to commenter. A hundred gazillion billion sparklepints for me.
I just found your blog a few weeks ago and I have been exploring the archives.
I really liked this part of your post today:
“Last-week me and all versions of past-me were doing the best they could
with the tools and skills they had at the time
in the conditions they had to work with
probably functioning under too little sleep and way too much stress
and neglecting their crown, forgetting truth, totally understandably,
they wanted what was best for me-now, and sometimes made choices that
me-now might choose differently, and it’s okay”
The superpower of I Am Okay. <3
Mmmmm, that might be my favorite superpower! <3
Breathing out, breathing in …
the sadness of two rejections | the thrill of a royalty check
too many extra innings | the thrill of working downtown
feeling squeezed for time | making dinner plans
no time for lunch today | lunch already in place for tomorrow
Aha! (Which started to come out Ahoy! a pirate word.) I think Deconstruction (my Quality for my first month of the other new year which also began Living the Smile, which is retirement) is Congruencing inside out, thanks to this post. So, I will fold it Rightside In and enjoy the freedom (which I think is Stuck when it’s inside out) with a bibbity-bobbety-boo of sparklepoints!
Superpowers of Rightside In! And releasing Freedom! Mmmmm, I love it.
Your description of congruencing reminds me of Putter Day. I love Putter Day and I keep forgetting about it.
Looking over my calendar to find a day for that — I need to schedule it and then make sure that nothing else lands on that day. If I made it a weekly practice, then maybe I’d not forget it. Something I love added to the week — yes!
Ohhhhhh I love the idea of Putter Day!
Putterday is the best! I can’t remember if I first started this at Rally or the Floating Playground, I know the first time I referenced it here was three years ago in a chicken, and I think my favorite description is in this wish! LONG LIVE PUTTERDAY!!!!! <3
Ten years! That is such a long time in internet-years. Woo-hoo! *virtual confetti*
Must be something in the air, or maybe this Sun and Jupiter in Virgo thing that is encouraging things to assemble in order – literal, psychological, energetic…
(I always disliked the Virgo archetype because my [parent] displayed a lot of the stereotypical, annoying traits… But recently I read a post by Chris Zydel that opened up an entirely different view of it, and I’m starting to appreciate it more.)
In any case, I’d like some of that gradual adjusting instead of huge, stressful overhauls that are usually how things change for me.
Congratulations on the 10 years – that’s quite a milestone!
And there’s so much left in your archives still for me to read because I’m a late commer…
My other website had a 10 year anniversary in April and I completely forgot about that and only realized a few weeks ago. I wanted to make a celebratory thing for my visitors, and missed the chance. I’m still thinking whether to do it in some other manner.
Oh this was timely and needed!
I took a Nope Day today — a day when I did nothing and was beholden to no one and I noticed just now as I was catching up on Fluent Self posts that I’ve been getting sadder and sadder and guiltier. And then I came to this post about Congruencing and hey! if this thing isn’t working for me, I can adjust!
So now I’m going to step away from the computer for a bit and try and get some intel on what I need.
Thanks!
A Nope Day sounds like a very powerful experiment, I feel deeply inspired by that and also see how that could stir up some stuff, or at least it probably would for me. Yay for the superpower of I Can Adjust! And for stepping away to get intel. That is some good wisdom.