Personal ads. They’re … personal!
Here we are. 321 consecutive weeks of wishing. Welcome. ♡
Two and a half weeks.
Two and a half weeks is how long my lover is away, back and forth between the mountains and that city where the indescribable Vesica Piscis massage table lives.
I don’t want to spend this time just doing day-to-day stuff while missing his kisses, thinking about the particular way he looks up at me and smiles with his whole self.
I want these two and a half weeks to feel like a container for me, something that can hold whatever most needs to happen now for me, possibly a mission or secret op. Intentional space. Retreat time. Rally time.
What’s the mission?
The idea of an intentional container for diving into a mysterious project was very appealing to me. But what project?
All these desires were clamoring for attention at once:
Writing time for Writer me. Working on dance drills with Dancer Me. Doing things for my home. Caring for the body that is a home for me. Clearing out the spare room. Thinking more about operation Round House!
I felt overwhelmed, and choosing was impossible.
Except then I woke up and I knew two things.
First! The secret name of both my passion and my project: Operation Luscious Minimalism.
And then also what it’s about, which is my APPROACH to all those possible projects.
Luscious Minimalism is what I want to embody, as a writer and a dancer, and in my home and in my space and in my body. This means that investigating everything I know (and don’t know that I know) about Luscious Minimalism supports all of those desires and more.
It’s a fractal flower.
Haha! Of course it is.
For five years, I [verb]-ed an outrageously magical center in Portland called The Playground, where we had retreats and also Rallies, which were basically retreats for projects.
And people would come to Rally with so many monster-based misunderstandings, in the form of “oh no I don’t know what my project is” and “oh no I have too many projects” and “oh no I can’t work on my project because I forgot my notes” and so on.
I would explain:
None of this matters. ALL projects are really one project, because all projects are interconnected. Playing with one supports all the others, because you’re acquiring the clues, skills, awareness and insights that will help you reach whatever needs to happen next.
And — here’s a secret — all projects are one project because anything you work on in life is part of the bigger project, aka the True Secret Project.
Wait, what’s the True Secret Project.
It’s this: How do we come more fully into ourselves?
And it’s everything we do to investigate and play with that:
Welcoming back all of our lost and forgotten aspects, amplifying our qualities and superpowers, untangling our distortions and internal misunderstandings, meeting ourselves with love so that we can be our most embodied, shining, full selves, glowing our wholeness of soul/life/presence/aliveness, delighting in our unique suchness!
That’s also why we practice self-fluency, to be better equipped for this mission.
Lalala, back to the other point.
So of course I have taught this for years and still hilariously forgot the most important thing about projects, which is that I don’t ever have to choose which project to work on.
I just choose the qualities and the feeling I want, everything else will come from that. Okay. Let’s do that!
Qualities and feelings of Luscious Minimalism for me right now…
Here’s my compass, starting from North:
Adornment, Simplicity, Pleasure, Plenty.
Grounding, Intention, Tranquility and Thankfulness.
In the center is SANCTUARY.
When I am filled up on the feeling of Luscious Minimalism, I glow. I feel creative, inspired, peaceful, wildly sexy, freedom to fully express whatever needs to be expressed, and yes, oh yes, that glow.
What is Luscious Minimalism.
Well, let’s start with what it isn’t. It’s not a paradox. It might be considered an Unlikely Combination, but actually it really isn’t.
There’s been a lot of backlash lately, if you follow these things, about minimalism.
As more attention is directed towards people who are interested in living mindfully and intentionally with Less Crap and More Meaning, and all this talk about paring down, it’s been met with reactiveness and misunderstandings. And legitimately so, because of course as we know, possessions do have meaning and value.
So it can get complicated.
Here’s what I think.
Sure, there are some people at the fringe of minimalism who just want to own as little as humanly possible, to Do Without and Make Do at hardcore puritan-guilt levels of self-punishing abstinence, and to get everyone else do the same.
And yes, there can be a monk-like beauty in having very little, it can be a wonderful treasure-filled experience, and occasionally this can get distorted into a kind of obsessiveness that doesn’t bring joy. And it makes sense that other people react by wanting to protect the sanctity of objects.
Extremist minimal philosophy is the fringe though.
Those people are to minimalism what people struggling with anorexia are to the slow food movement. Or what someone who genuinely hates men would be to feminism.
Not representative, not even connected to the actual thing, not choosing from love.
When we’re in pain, we do the best we can in the moment. And sometimes that’s trying to work our shit out through attempting to exert control; in how we relate to our bodies, our environment, our relationships.
And I have a heart full of love for that, because who among us hasn’t gotten lost and disconnected from ourselves? Who among us hasn’t forgotten truth and grasped for anything that might feel like support? We can’t let a pain-fueled path be representative of the beautiful truth of minimalism though.
Back to truth.
Slow food isn’t about denying. It’s about PRESENCE. Presence and pleasure and sustainability. It’s about enjoying each beautiful bite, and filling up on gratitude for the process, the ingredients, the land, the preparing, every moment that came together into this moment.
Feminism isn’t about hating. It’s about JUSTICE and equality and sustainability. Being deeply aware of the forces that create divisiveness and oppression, and how we internalize those belief systems. It’s about conscious presence, working towards change, uncovering more sustainable ways of relating to each other, investigating how hierarchy and power and magic beans (privilege beans!) work so that we can be aware of how we participate in oppressive structures, and make new choices to help dismantle them.
And so that we can be better humans, ideally glowing more empathy and love for everyone who is harmed and disadvantaged by the current systems and structures, which paradoxically also includes everyone who benefits from them as well.
Same goes for minimalism.
Minimalism isn’t about abstinence and getting rid of everything and being wholly unattached to objects, in a cold way.
It’s about full-body delighting in the spaces and objects and experiences that are beautiful and joyful and meaningful for you, so much so that you wish to remove everything from you life that is less-than-that, in order to fully be present with what you love.
It’s not caring less, it’s caring more. It’s knowing we need much less than we thought, which lets us really connect with those things that elicit appreciation, nourish the senses and transmit real pleasure.
It’s about PRESENCE, joy, simplicity, clarity, peacefulness, hope. It’s about treasuring beauty, spaciousness and everything you own. And of course, choosing to live sustainably.
Anything else is a distortion.
Do I have Stuff about Minimalism too?
Absolutely. Ohmygod. I look at Instagram feeds of people who care about the things I care about: sustainability, ethically-produced clothing, conscious fashion. Clothing whose production and manufacture does not exploit, or worse.
In mind and heart, I am on board with this mission!
Saying no to fast fashion and the way it oppresses people and harms the earth, and turns us into creatures addicted to the temporary sugary high of consuming but can’t actually enjoy our belongings. Being intentional about our choices, buying LESS but better. Yes!
And yet what I see is an endless parade of thin, mostly white women, wearing all black or all white, with interesting “statement piece” jewelry, and always the ubiquitous and much-loathed-by-me standard issue identical straw hat.
I have Reactiveness!
In part, because that’s not my aesthetic. What I want is a lushness: a richness of color, fabric, and texture. I want to wear clothing that supports my Havi-ness.
I want to be a Wild Sensualist, a lover of life!
And also because I want to see more of a variety of everything: body types, cultural diversity, glorious self-expression, interesting hats!
So yes, I have no end of monsters and Ludicrous Fear Popcorn about Oh God You Will Be Boring, and What If The Only Way To Live A True Yes/True Less Life Is To Be Monochromatic, and What If Sustainable Fashion Is Turning People Into Zombie Clones And This Is The New Stepford Wife.
None of that is truth though. Truth is that I am always allowed to find my own way, discover my own flavors, play and explore, invent and re-invent.
What do I know about this?
I don’t have to go into comparison and stew-stirring. Instead I can practice Trust More, and trust that my flavor of less — LUSCIOUS MINIMALISM — is just right for me.
What else about this wish?
[I just removed two thousand words because this post is already extremely long, even for me, so we will have to return to this topic which apparently fascinates me to no end, because I have a lot to say.]
Anything else?
This is not about negating, denying, forcing, rejecting, or discarding for the sake of discarding.
This is about the buoyancy and joy that comes from intentional choosing: what is beautiful to me, what is important to me, what gives me pleasure and delight, how do I want to live, what supports me in accessing the qualities of my compass?
It is about making space to see what I love about what I love, so I can bring more of that into how I am.
Invitation.
You are invited to share many !!!!!! about my wishes and realizations here, to share anything sparked for you while reading, to say “oh wow, what beautiful wishes” to me and to each other, to wish your own wishes.
I will also take all forms of EXCITEMENT and GLADNESS for this particular wish, and also clues if you have any, or good wishes if you don’t!
Now.
I am looking out through my bedroom window at the beautiful green tree whose leaves take up the entirety of my view, appreciating how very lush and green and alive it is, the sun streaming through it.
I pause to kiss the palm of my hand and press the kiss into my cheek — Smooooooch! Smush! A sweetly sloppy, enthusiastic toddler kiss, the way we sometimes do at Rally. I want to appreciate me as much as I appreciate this tree.
That’s the kind of thing that is easy to forget about when my space is so packed full of distractions, or reduced to such spareness that I don’t remember pleasure.
The superpower of Fearless Intentional Choosing.
August was TRUST MORE, with the superpower of Wildly Confident, Wonderfully Tranquil.
Now I am ready to Stand In My Strength more, and September comes in with the marvelous superpower of Fearless Intentional Choosing.
Which, interestingly enough, is actually the theme of this week’s wish about getting to the truth of Luscious Minimalism.
I am also remembering that June (Release More) came with the superpower of I am stronger than I think, and now I am STANDING in that strength! Double strength. Thanks, June Me, for all the work you did to get me here.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
So. Last week aka Stand in my strength more…
I’m doing it. This week was all about setting clean boundaries, speaking truth, finding my allies, navigating complicated situations with grace. And I worked on being beautifully grounded in my dancing, which is the same mission.
Thank you, process of writing about wishes. Thank you, me who asked.
Keep me company! Or just say hi!
You can deposit wishes, gwishes, personal ads, superpowers, qualities, seeds, secret agent code, whatever you’d like, there’s no right way! Updates on past experiments are welcome too, as is sharing anything sparked for you.
Comment culture: This is safe space for creative exploration. We are on vacation from care-taking and advice-giving. We are here to play and throw things in the pot! With amnesty. Leave a wish any time you want.
Here’s how we meet each other’s wishes: Oh, wow. What beautiful wishes.
xox
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Psychologically hoarding other realities leads to a cluttered mind, and connects to the physical practice of hoarding. I agree loving more is crucial, focusing on what holds meaning for me. This requires knowing myself more, and accepting the self I turn out to be, through thick and thin and transformation.
When I wanted to get rid of heaps of the objects that I was tripping up on, I brought an Awesome Horse Ornament into the house, and imagined it as a beautifying explosion rippling through every room. Afterwards, things fell out of the house into other people’s hands, and it easy to walk straight up to the object I wanted, and to appreciate it. I am working on doing the same process with my mental landscape.
Through this clarification, a curious thing is happening to my conception of organisation. I’ve often felt anxious about what I’m forgetting, my ability to derail any plans I make, and what damage order might do me. I think I’ve resisted organisation because it was often me tricking myself into doing things that my heart wasn’t in. At the same time, I desperately wanted it because it makes things simple.
As I get better at recognising and valuing what I myself want, I’m starting to see organisation as a set of skills I can learn to make work for me. This means experimenting and keeping what works, and keeping going till I’m happy with my system. This week, I wish to get good at organising my life, so that I can do, have, and be what I want.
Fifteen days:
I have fifteen days. Two doctors’ appointments, three vitamin injections. And that’s it. All the other days are mine. (Mine and my family’s, I guess.)
I just got back from a beautiful camp in the wilderness, and of course re-entry is hard, and because I kind of exploded the last map, I am now holding space for the new map, and this is a little uncomfortable.
Monsters are afraid I’ll waste it. Monsters are afraid I’ll lose my beautiful grounded connection to the new nation. Monsters are afraid the only way to get this glow is to go to *this* particular camp which only happens once a year and other monsters think this is the most LUDICROUS fear. Which it is, of course. Ludicrous fear popcorn, which is a great game.
So aside from playing ludicrous fear popcorn, I have some wishes. Really, all I did the whole weekend was wish and refine wishing and wish more and refine wishing more.
My current wish is about welcoming everything and believing love is strong enough for it. And this means opening to the earth and opening the heart and sinking down into that and out of the craziness in my head.
So there are all these specific things to do: finish painting the shed, joyfully minimize a few areas of life, pray into a tiny new thing, clean deeply and with devotion, say the final goodbye to FB, and a small list of stuff left behind from the crazy summer. Also my birthday.
But the whole entire point is to come from rooted-heart and not controlling mind, so what does happen needs to happen from this and not against it.
Future me?
Go to yoga, but not as a promise or a plan. Just start with tonight and enjoy it.
You have the list and you won’t lose anything – take a few things off it whenever you feel like it, and rest as often and as long and as deeply as you feel. You know that if you felt like sleeping for the next fifteen days, that would be their highest use. So there’s no need to strive for anything else unless you’re pulled in a moment.
You can’t screw this up.
Wow! So much <3 for this wish.
Wishing pebble planting for this week…
Ease + Confidence
Thank yous before and after.
Adjusting my crown.
Planting my feet and staying agile.
Finding the pockets of time.
Trust + Love
Mwah! to all the luscious wishes. <3
Mmmmmm heart-sigh
ooh lucious minimalism, I like the sound of that!
Update on past VPAs:
I wanted the right words to talk to my assistant. And instead she said the right words of “I got a job offer!” so my words could be “yay!!” instead of “we need to talk….”
Future VPA:
[silent retreat]
and
I want my new assistant to be the right fit and to change things and make them better and make my little practice grow and grow!
and
I want the luscious minimalizing of the house that is my body to continue.
That exact thing happened to me with an assistant, twice! Here’s to Perfect Simple Solutions and getting to say yay, because that is the best.
I came here with a wish and it has been answered with these words: “…all projects are one project because anything you work on in life is part of the bigger project, aka the True Secret Project.”
Thank you!
Heart-sighs for everyone’s beautiful wishes.
I just love this so much. I am overflowing with !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My wish this week involves letting go of perfectionistic stress and performance anxiety in some very specific ways. I am easing and releasing, and creating space for messy miracles. And yes, I am also standing in my strength!
I’ve found that no matter what I’m doing, whether it’s walking or eating or sewing or working on social media stuff or mixing up soap, the slower I do it, the more attention I pay to it, the better it is, and the happier I am.
Amen to that, me too. And hard for me to remember this, even though all evidence points to the truth of it! <3
This makes me smile!
Oh wow, what beautiful wishes!!!!
I am writing this from high in the sky, on a plane bound for Bolivia. As we are soon to arrive, the flight attendant has turned on the fasten seatbelts sign and asked that I stow my tray table for landing.
I have been wondering whether I will like Bolivia, and more to the point, if my taking up residence here will be for the greatest good. Can I be of best use here?
Havi, your incredible post reminded me that there is only one project. It reminded me that where I am, right now, is the right place, and that this moment (and the next and the next) is my most treasured possession.
My wish is to be fully present for the landing, whether smooth or bumpy; to welcome it all. And to welcome it all thereafter.
To all who gather here, and for all your beautiful wishes:
(o)
Rupa! First of all, mazal tov on your Beautiful Adventure, and welcome-heart-of-love for your incoming tiny sweet thing. Here’s to this moment (and all the moments) being the most treasured possession. Second, this is EXTREMELY uncanny. I just thought about you this morning, out of nowhere! And my thought process went like this: “Rupa! I wonder where Rupa is and how she is doing. Oh, she’s going to Bolivia, she must be almost there now. Wait, how would I know that?” I have a small present for your voyage, can you email Richard from the contact page with your address and tell him I will know what it’s about? <3
Thank you for your kindness, sweet Havi. I am laughing with amazement about the marvelous interconnectedness of all beings. Uncanny, indeed. L’Chaim!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What beautiful wishes!
(deep smiling sigh).
My wishes right now:
Spaciousness
Exploration of spaciousness
Play and joy in exploration
Patience.
Oh, wow what beautiful wishes! Of course, !!!!!! because a lot of your wishes are clues for me on my first day of The Quest.
I exited through the beautiful door at the end of the corridor. Sparklepoints! I left behind a small stack of undone stuff. Sparklepoints! It took 30 minutes longer than planned which caused the Case of Nerves to start crackling and snapping. But not nearly as big and large as it would have been had I not come to this website and Rally X. Sparklepoints! It was hard and misty. Sparklepoints! I forgot to snack. Sparklepoints!
I had been playing at work for nearly 37 years in my chosen field. I found out that all the doors and windows are locked and patrolled. Sparklepoints!
I wish to remember that feeling sad is. And that a Big Change like this one feels Hard, but probably is Just Different. And I have the P (I’ve forgotten what this stands for), Rituals and Structure.
The Dude took me in to work, waited for me and picked me up. Sparklepoints for him! We went to a place and had perfect ramen. Sparklepoints!
Between my Say Yes! Monkeys who tell me to do it all, and The Planner who keeps track of the list of Everything that I Could Do during September which has my personal quality of Deconstruction, the clues in this post are very helpful. Especially about the releasing of everything that does not fill me with true joy.
Oh wow! Day 1 of The Quest! It’s here. Adding sparklepoints to all your sparklepoints, and thrilled to have rallied with you at Rally X with all the extraordinary things that happened there. Sparklepoints!
I adore everything about this whole post, but I may have cried a little at “all projects are one project because anything you work on in life is part of the bigger project, aka the True Secret Project”.
I really needed to hear this today.
Hello September. Hello Standing In My Strength. And welcome to the superpower of Fearless Intentional Choosing.
Leaving flowers and pebbles for this beautiful space.
<3 <3 <3
I love this all.
I moved to Bolivia four years ago and my tiny Bolivian starts school next week. I wish for the bittersweet ending to have plenty of sweet, and the exciting new beginning to be gentle on us all.
Havi, and everyone else- your wishes, they are beautiful <3
May it be so! Love to you and your tiny sweet person, and wishing lots of good. <3
I am just stopping by to say yay! for wishing! and yay! for finding out what I want! and yay! for finding the beauty in things!
And to wish for delicious sweet rest and recovery and replenishment.
Yay! And what a beautiful wish.
Oh Havi. So beautiful. This just clarified my thoughts on THINGS in a way I could never put into words before. I am a gatherer/curator of beautiful + functional things and THIS is exactly how I feel about them. It’s intentional and on purpose and about beauty. Not about excess or materialism. ALSO, all projects are the same project. The gorgeousness of that truth is just sitting and shining here in my heart. Again, a truth I knew, but didn’t know how to say it. Thank you.
The lesser stuff I am surrounded by the fuller it feels inside of me:
– Less noise, more resonance
– Less clutter in my place, more clarity in my head
– Less food that does not agree with me, more lightness in my body
– Less planning, more space in my mind
And so forth.
Lucious minimalism and small is beautiful. I want to feel more of this glorious inner expansion that comes with both.
What beautiful wishes!
I have so much percolating and I am going to leave them there to… well, percolate.
Smiling wildly and beaming giddily deep love in your direction, H. Thank you for being you, you treasure.
Oh wow, what beautiful wishes!
I’m feeling this Luscious Minimalism. Sometimes I look around my house and think, “Oh my god I have so much stuff, why do I have so much stuff, what will happen to it when I move, how can I get rid of it, but it all seems important.” Yes, I need to get rid of some of it, but it’s good to remember that as long as the stuff is all stuff I truly love, that is truly beautiful and/or truly useful, it is ok to own things. I just need to align with my values.
On a different note, I just came away from two days of ridiculous unexpected stress. Yesterday was not even normal run-of-the-mill stress, but a crisis situation. (Thankfully it was resolved.) On top of that, I just ended a year-long goal. I completed 2/3s of the goal, which deserves congratulations and endless sparklepoints, but also needs allowance for grief over the third I did not achieve. So now I need to take stock of where I am, reassess, figure out where I’m going from here.
So I’m wishing for Thriving Harmony. Harmonious Thriving. Even when life throws us those curveballs. This looks like glowing health, like quietly resonating humming. It’s being productive, not in the way our society usually means productive, but like a tree bearing fruit. Harmonious thriving is, above all, balance.
Mmmmmm. Thriving Harmony. Bearing fruit in the season for fruit. MAY IT BE SO. And endless sparklepoints and relief for resolution of crisis situation. <3
Read this beautiful post over lunch just now and everything in it was for me! Luscious was for the avocado on my sandwich and joyfully minimalist was for the perfect apple I am crunching!
I am looking forward to reading the other 2K words. And whatever else you have to say about it.
Oh, what beautiful wishes!
It seems I have a lot of stuff coming up around this because I want to discard discard discard EVERYTHING that is not my True Yes, but in practice I have done none of that and working on decluttering doesn’t feel good at all.
I’m trying to be generous and gentle and kind with myself and remind myself that whatever pace I do this at is the right pace.