Personal ads. They’re … personal!
Here we are. 322 consecutive weeks of wishing. Welcome. ♡
Something different.
I have many wishes, bubbling up and away, red balloon wishes.
Over the past few days, I have been watching and waiting, trying to feel into which one I want to write about. And what I received is that I actually want to write about how last week’s wishes have been going.
Not a two-sentence summary of last week’s wish at the end of this week’s, like I usually do. Not a separate follow-up post.
I want — and I don’t know why I want this, but I need to trust it — I want to share with you some of what I have noticed and experienced over this past week since wishing the last wishes.
And I guess through that process the new wish will emerge?
Or maybe it won’t, and for whatever reason, this is the seed-form my wishing wants to take this week. It is planting itself through this process of Noticing the Noticings, and sharing them with you.
This feels weird and new and different, but when I turn inward and ask what I want to write about, that’s what is there.
And since we just exited the month of Trust More, I am going to do just that.
I actually wrote two wishes last week…
I posted my wish about Luscious Minimalism, and I also wrote about the thing I don’t want to let go of, which is actually a wish about ease of releasing.
This is funny and perfect, because this Shmita year is the Year of Easing & Releasing, and somehow I didn’t even make the connection.
Anyway.
Both of these wishes have been my quiet accompaniment to this week, setting off chain reactions of tiny sparks of light in all the dark corners, letting me see things I couldn’t see before, helping me release things I couldn’t release before.
And this is my review of that, and the week that was. Or, as I like to call it, my Revue!
I did very little, because I was sick.
So that was a completely unanticipated form of Luscious Minimalism right there.
I had been thinking about my wish in terms of space: the feelings and sensations I want in both my physical and emotional space. Reducing possessions, in order to revel in being surrounded by only those I absolutely cherish.
Possibly also lovingly disconnecting from other things that are not luscious: habits, patterns, people, assumptions, choices.
But I hadn’t thought in terms of doing less.
All I did this week was lounge around in bed, pet my sweet body with love and kiss it better, and write. The best.
A secret hidden meaning of Operation Luscious Minimalism was apparently “do the most minimal amount of exertion, while being luscious!” This makes me laugh.
I lounged.
I mean, I lounged in style, like I never have before.
I lit candles and wore impossibly extravagant special-occasion underthings and the fluffiest cloud of a robe — even though my lover is far away and my entire plans for this week involved sitting in bed being a Mighty Mighty Snot Machine while feeling sorry for myself.
I drank water from the fanciest wine glass, with a perfect circle slice of lemon snug against the rim, just because.
And massaged my temples with tiger balm from the prettiest jar, while listening to a playlist of songs chosen by Incoming Me for this quarter.
All in all, I did very, very little, but did it with panache. And it was sweet and beautiful and alive with meaning.
I treasured things.
Everything seemed so beautiful this week.
I picked up the pitcher from the dining room table, and marveled over it for the longest time.
The still-fragrant lavender that my friend Luke the Noir Gunslinger brought as a gift over a year ago, the luminous blue-green ceramic pitcher that I bought on New Year’s Eve from a local potter seven years ago, right after we moved into this house, not long after I wrote the wish that brought me both my beautiful home and this beautiful weekly practice of wishing.
The pitcher-lavender combination was suddenly so enthralling to me, I moved it into the kitchen where I spend more time, to enjoy it more fully.
I admired the long elegant line of a spoon. I touched the leaves of my plants, and may have even kissed them when the neighbors weren’t watching…
I glowed with love while sitting in the wooden rocking chair that my uncle went to great lengths to acquire from the other side of the country, just for me, because he wanted me to have one of his favorite things.
I let go of things.
Because anything that doesn’t give me that kind of thrill really doesn’t need to be in my space.
Marie (Kondo) says something wildly mystical that I missed in the first reading, about how the things you own want you to be happy.
More than that. They want you to feel like you are in love. So if you aren’t tingly, blissfully in love when you touch them and see them, then be kind to them and to you, and let them go make someone else that happy, or return to you with that same loving energy but in a new and better form. That’s what she says.
It’s a wondrous and terrifying thought: will I have to let go of everything? Not at all, just the things that obstruct my ability to feel the wonder of the pitcher, the magnificence of the lavender.
Marie is a greatly misunderstood Luscious Minimalist, I think. Her work isn’t actually about tidying and decluttering at all.
It is about becoming someone who glows with love, who consciously chooses to glow with love, and to let your environment support this. And it is about the deepest forms of listening.
I let go of so many things that my space transformed.
My bedroom now feels sparkly and magical, like the playground.
It hums from all the time I’ve spent luscious-ing it up in bed all week! And from all the things I let go of, with love, so that they can go love someone else.
My bedroom is purring like a happy cat right now.
And once that happened, the purr-hum spread to the hallway, and the living room, and this morning I felt it entering the kitchen too…
My uncle came to stay with me for three days.
Long-time readers of this blog know that Svevo is one of my very favorite people in the world, and the person I most admire and wish to emulate.
He is the only person I know who lives exactly how he wants, in all things, and he does this despite not having great means.
If he wants three naps between breakfast and lunch, he will do that, and be completely happy about it, and not say any of the things people usually say like “I don’t know why I’m so tired”. He just follows his body.
If you visit his home, you will not be the least surprised to find that his bed is in his living room, because he felt like that was where he would probably want to sleep.
When Svevo comes to visit, I get to study him. This time I was able to notice all the beauty — and Luscious Minimalism — in delighting in what you have.
Svevo is very into purple lately, and he was wearing a purple sweater under a dark burgundy sweater-jacket, both of which he had picked up at a thrift store and already worn holes into. And he was as happy as a small child with a new toy. The color was filling him up with joy.
Horses.
My housemate and I have been watching Wallander. The BBC series with Kenneth Branagh as the most morose detective, not the Swedish version, though I would like to see that as well.
There was a horse in the last episode, an absolutely stunning horse, and two things struck me at once:
- Horses are so majestic and powerful and present.
- Horses eat carrots, and if carrots are the stand-in for the thing I don’t want to let go of, I can let go by letting the horses have them.
And, something else about that. Horses can be very sweet, and also very strong, sovereign, imposing even. Horses stand in their strength, which was my wish from two weeks ago.
I want these horse-like superpowers! Actually, I think that is my wish.
Mirror.
Svevo and my wonderful cousin Noah and I went to a nearby bakery. It was my one Excursion out of the house, and I put on clothes and everything.
The bakery was very full and we had to sit at the bar area, which sits up right against a mirror, so you are looking right at yourself from only a few inches away.
I have been sick and not sleeping and being a Mighty Mighty Snot Machine, so whatever, grain of salt here, but I looked like death warmed over. And never in my entire life have I more wanted to transform my appearance to reflect my true glow.
What came into my head at the time was that all my wonderful edges have somehow gotten lost, as if I have settled for Boring Safe Pretty instead of allowing the chaotic mystery of me to be visible in my appearance. I wanted my edginess back.
But what I’m realizing now is that I want horse-essence: that kind of sleek, powerful, big presence that is beautiful because it is so very alive, so very there.
That slightly dangerous “don’t fuck with me” grace, that ease of movement, that ability to rear up in the moonlight and be intensely unpredictably alive. I want that.
And I want that in how I look, and I want that in my bedroom, and I want that in my dance, and I want that in my wishes.
There. That’s my wish.
It was here all along and I didn’t know it.
May it be so.
Anything else about this?
I love how surprised I am that wise-me was right, and that following my instinct on this post was right, when of course she was and of course it is.
Invitation.
You are invited to share many !!!!!! about my wishes and realizations here, to share anything sparked for you while reading, to say “oh wow, what beautiful wishes” to me and to each other, to wish your own wishes.
I will also take all forms of EXCITEMENT and GLADNESS for this particular wish, and also clues if you have any, or good wishes if you don’t!
Now.
I have a piece of embroidery that my mother made. I took it when her sister and I were going through her things after she died. My aunt kept trying to get me to take more things to remember her by, and I didn’t want anything except for this.
My mother would be delighted that I wanted it, and also she would kill me if she knew that I framed it. She would say that it’s a practice piece and not any good, and that if I want a framed piece, I should take this other one instead which is better, etc. I don’t care.
I love it.
It is gold and red and orange thread on a dark blue cloth background, and it is a very self-contained shape that is somehow mandala and sun and compass and labyrinth all at the same time.
It is minimal and it is luscious, and it feels protective and special, and I chose well.
The superpower of Fearless Intentional Choosing.
August was TRUST MORE, with the superpower of Wildly Confident, Wonderfully Tranquil.
Now I am ready to Stand In My Strength more, and September comes in with the marvelous superpower of Fearless Intentional Choosing.
And this is what I did all week as I cherished some things through releasing them, and cherished other things through keeping them and appreciating them.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
So. Last week aka Luscious Minimalism…
I am getting better at trusting that my wishes go so much deeper than I could ever imagine, that they are glowing seeds of light.
My wish was about sanctuary and about glowing, and about choosing what gets to be in my environment, in all meanings of that. I feel deeply, intensely grateful right now for this wish.
Thank you, process of writing about wishes. Thank you, me who asked.
Keep me company! Or just say hi!
You can deposit wishes, gwishes, personal ads, superpowers, qualities, seeds, secret agent code, whatever you’d like, there’s no right way! Updates on past experiments are welcome too, as is sharing anything sparked for you.
Comment culture: This is safe space for creative exploration. We are on vacation from care-taking and advice-giving. We are here to play and throw things in the pot! With amnesty. Leave a wish any time you want.
Here’s how we meet each other’s wishes: Oh, wow. What beautiful wishes.
xox
This: “But what I’m realizing now is that I want horse-essence: that kind of sleek, powerful, big presence that is beautiful because it is so very alive, so very there.
That slightly dangerous “don’t fuck with me” grace, that ease of movement, that ability to rear up in the moonlight and be intensely unpredictably alive. I want that.
And I want that in how I look, and I want that in my bedroom, and I want that in my dance, and I want that in my wishes” <3
Thank you for writing.
!!! Horse-like superpowers! Cherishing things by letting them go! May it be so.
I am noticing, this week, when I am out of myself and when I am centered in my own strength. When I am out of myself, I feel vulnerable and scared. The monsters sing choruses in my brain. I don’t want to publish my writing. And when I am in myself, then I have these horse-like superpowers… this is a wonderful descriptor… and I am strong and steady and self-contained and full of majesty.
I am wishing for ways to remember how to access this, for continuing to notice when things are not this, and for more please of feeling strong and powerful or remembering I am strong and powerful.
Also, the aro investigation is ongoing. As are other investigations. So much play and communication and FUN lately… pure fun. The fun of play. The fun of no expectations, what do we have here, open-ended play and delight and finding people who want to play too. I’m planting a wish here for more of this and a wish to spend some time on a new identity I’m calling the Lindgren project. Details TBD.
Planting love for all of the wishes.
Oh, wow! What amazingly beautiful wishes!
As a child, I was so many different things. I may have been a horse at one point; it wouldn’t surprise me in the least. I know that I was a cat, a dog, a unicorn, a dragon, a faery, a mermaid, a Muse, and an extraterrestrial. I believe that all these facets of my ever-evolving self have shaped and nourished me.
This week, I am wishing for a lot less _______ , and a lot more **********. Yes. May it be so. <3
May it be so!
Such beautiful wishes!
I’ve been in a stuck place re: wishes. I have more intel as to what I want than ever, lots of True Yes. But so many things get in the way of even wishing, let alone implementing wishes. So 2 wishes today:
Operation Joan. This is my wish about becoming vibrantly engaged in work, both my work and my Work.
WIW: Vibrant engagement and intentional competence at work and in my Work
WTCW: White Flowers, more wel tending. Inhabiting my cover as Joan.
ICT: Investiagting Jet Fuel, White Flowers, and inhabiting Joan.
Operation Progress
WIW: Some damn progress on my various Ops
WTCW: More attention. Putting in time every day. Brahmari
ICT: One thing per day. Brahmari.
I have been wishing for Luscious Minimalism often lately, and pretty often, I’m getting Luscious Minimalism.
I like it VERY MUCH.
Vica Pota is a strong version of me and as I stand in my strength more, I inhabit or am inhabited by her, and this is a good thing.
The thing that I have been wanting since July 28 is finally supposed to happen on Friday, and my heart is weeping gratitude. Tomorrow and Friday there will be tears of grief and joy, and then there will be more room for Joy and Play.
I wish for this to happen with ease, grace, peace, and love, with no more delays, no more drama, no more emotional pain.
I wish for Operation Rag to be effective, dammit! There doesn’t seem to be anything I can do to make it so, I can only put the wish out there. (This or something better.)
Operation Getaway Gateway Hatchway is starting slowly, and my wish is that the reality of it may match my vision.
The word of the year is Rest, and I am wishing for Rest to be embodied and present for me in a healthy way. The Friday event, Operation Rag, and the Getaway Gateway Hatchway may be part of Resting.
Oh, how funny, I just noticed — Rest in Peace! I won’t explain; that is going to be a Secret Delight.
I love that new identity / new aspects of identity seems to be the big theme for so many of us this week. Rest is such a wonderful word.
!!!!!!!! to Marie Kondo! I have just started reading her book.
!!!!!!!! to clothes with holes in them, treasured and worn with love. And to wearing purple!
!!!!!!!! to sleeping in the living room! I end up migrating to the lounge room couch in the middle of the night quite a bit lately, and I always have the most amazing dreams. I feel more connected to my house. Plus when I wake up, I have a strange sense of having gotten up and still being in bed at the same time, which really works for me.
<3
Mmmm connected to house! That feels so important to me right now. <3
Horsies!
I actually do want a pony. Or rather, I want time on ponies. I want to feel secure enough with my cash flow and the decision-making related to it that I can spend more time with my friends and family, especially the ones with whom I’ve discussed going on trail rides and attending meets and the like.
Also, the right building in the right place with the right price for my sweetie’s business.
Also, safety.
Ooooooooooooooo I love it all!!! Thank you Havi!
Treasuring things is so lovely. Our special things *want* us to be happy!! What a happy thought!
[clew—music that just came up is from an album called Horse With a Heart.]
Vica Pota, I love the idea of a new name for a strong version of you!! Garnet is mine for now; I am experimenting.
Beings I have embodied/learned from/tried to emulate over the years include an okra plant (straight and tall and beautiful), walnut tree (stretching up to the sky, captivating scent), a purple pepper (crisp, warmed by the sun, full of life). Recently my mind has been on cows. One amazing summer, I got to wander beautiful thyme and sweet-grass-covered hills with a grazing herd of Brown Swiss. I was taking notes for a behavioral experiment, but most of the time I just admired the cows wordlessly and soaked in beauty. The cows were (unless upset by something) overwhelmingly gentle, graceful, kind.
A few weeks ago a friend, without knowing of my love of cows, said she thought a cow was my ‘spirit animal’. She said you can look into the large, liquid eyes and see deep into a gentle soul, knowing this is the truth without deceit or pretending. This is one of the nicest things anyone ever said to me, and I’m trying to really hear it, and not let the monsters hide it away where I don’t believe or don’t remember.
My wish this week: Tranquility.
<3 <3 <3
Something arrived this morning in the form of a glittering cloud that is almost a question. It is exciting and needed and the next thing. I wish to begin to be occupied by it and to be inside it. I wish to bring my learning so I can do my best, even though I don’t know what I’m doing. I want to accept the potential that things that haven’t worked reliably before might work now, that the things I crave when I see them in others might fit in some shape eventually. It feels like the light is lifting on a landscape I’ve been guessing through sound and atmosphere and what I can reach to touch. I’m scared of it fading away through rough treatment or neglect. I’m scared of old bad habits around wanting damaging it. So, yes, I want this, what is arriving. I wish to cherish and care for and rejoice in this wanting.
!!!! All of this resonates so strongly with me!