this is the 370th week of wishing, come play!

stars

last week I wished a wish called so clear under the stars
and it was a mostly-metaphorical wish
as things are (or can be)
but then yesterday I texted the beautiful far-away cowboy
“what is the place with the stars, let’s go there”

he is the sort of person who knows the places where you can see all the stars

invitation

and then immediately after asking,
I opened twitter and was greeted with
{this glorious image}
how often am I struck dumb with beauty
— well, okay, all the time, but that’s just because I don’t talk
anyway, breathing in the treasure of this photograph
made me want to quit twitter
and everything else forever
to devote myself to this photograph
to gaze on this image or be there in it

“I guess southern Idaho is the place for us then!”
said the cowboy, who likes the Snake River anyway, when I showed it to him

let’s go

let’s go be quiet in the quiet
under the stars
this is what I want

mirroring

I am in a very loud place
metaphorically, sure,
but really I mean that I am in the noisy cafe of a supermarket
for purposes of internet
— story of my life right now
and this is also related to my wishes,
I would like to not need to be online —
and here we are in the month of Deep Listening
which usually requires quiet (and quiet is what I want most)
but sometimes it is so very useful to listen to people in their loudness
and see how it mirrors yours

not doing it

the guy behind me is yelling,
angry and upset about
something he doesn’t want to do that someone in his life
apparently wants or expects him to do,
insisting I’M NOT DOING IT over and over
to his friend, who is asking all the wrong questions,
making it about the logistics of this situation when this is not about logistics,
it is about yes and sovereignty and boundaries
but she wants to help and this is how she knows how to help,
maybe it is how she would want someone to help her
if roles were reversed

anyway this guy is just grinding wheels so hard
and I am premenstrual and impatient,
or: in that powerful state of premenstrual impatience,
aka sky queen burn it all down levels of clarity and DNFW*
wanting so badly to take over here

know it and glow it

this is what I want to say to him:

dude, you’ve already received the decision that you aren’t going to do it
so don’t fucking do it
and just be okay with that
because it really is okay
stop talking about how you aren’t doing it
and just agree to not do it

know it and glow it

but I didn’t say anything (because…)

1) this is actually what I need to say to myself
about situation X
of course it is much easier for me to feel
impatient with random stranger stuck in some
WUSIT situation aka What Unsovereign Shit Is This
than it is to just do what I need to do,
or really, in this case,
to not do what I need to not do

I am trying to justify my no
instead of just glowing my no
and knowing my no
with certainty and Crown On

this person is a mirror and a reminder
and it is time for me to follow the advice
that I think he needs
because (like most advice)
it is actually advice for me*

2) this is why I don’t speak
well, okay, that is not actually true but it might
make the top ten reasons
after the part about how
[if I don’t take steps to minimize input and output
then I have to hide in bed and
spend the majority of my life just recovering
from the work of being alive ]
but what I mean to say here is that
part of my mission in life is to
learn about my own state of internal quiet
until

until

I no longer feel pulled
by this need-desire to yell at strangers
or by anything

new adventures await

the sweetest message from Fred in North Carolina
it was absolutely full of love
I really like Fred

I admire you greatly and have learned much from you, starting with that weekend you taught at my yoga studio all those years ago.
I know you have helped many and still do. I wish you all the best.
New adventures await.
Namaste, dear Havi!

this is the best reminder in the world
new adventures await
follow the stars

all timing is right timing

he sent this in february and I read it in february
but I RECEIVED it now, so it is a double-gift,
this is also part of my wish this weke,
I want the treasure I seed in the world to be
received and then received again, like sparks and starbursts,
slow-release time-delay capsules
of love-sweetness-compassion
and wise witchy grace
or whatever is most needed in the moment
of releasing

the fear that is not mine

sometimes I am afraid (I think this is monsters, actually)
let’s see, what is the fear, something about how if I
say yes to more quiet
and under the stars
I won’t be able to connect to people
that isolation and loneliness will be the price of my freedom
yes, this is old rigged-game programming
very, very old
left over from the days when
we needed to be accepted by the tribe for survival

starbursts, again

I was in a car, watching the giant moon rise
and the person next to me kept offering me snacks and describing them,
and I wasn’t really listening because I wasn’t hungry, and because of the moon,
and suddenly their words came through:

I mean, who knows, maybe you need a starburst

and my eyes opened wide, in startlement (star pun!)
because that is exactly what I need
to be a starburst, to be in my star-state and glow,
and to let things change in a bursting forth
but actually this person was offering me candy
which I did not want at all, but what I heard was more like a message
delivered straight from the stars
(gratitude)

what do I wish for?

hmmm this weeks wishes are a meandering collection of clues and sparks
because apparently I am not ready to say my wish in words yet
what I want is to close a door
to cleanly, clearly, emphatically, unapologetically close a door
which has been open for far too long

I see now that the original purpose of this door
was soul-service
but its state of [being-open] no longer supports anyone,
not the people who come to it and knock
and not the people on the receiving end who end up with
arms full of these unsolicited
requests, stories, demands, meltdowns, drama, mysteries

this door should really be more like a hollow tree in the forest
where people can go to howl their howls
or a place by the river where people can skip their stones
it does not need to be a door into my space
or the space of people I love
and actually I do not need to provide any doors
or trees or rivers
that is not my job
people are wise and can find their own answers

what opens when this door closes?

wisest me whispers:
you are a marvel
and this is not even a big deal
honestly most people will not even notice
there are no negative consequences from glowing your glow
and giving yourself what you need
(quiet, stillness, supportive environments)
through releasing what you don’t
(input, distraction, more things to do that you never wanted to do to begin with)

trust me when I say that LESS AND LIGHT are where to put your focus, think of them as design companions to FREEDOM AND PLEASURE, your guiding stars

what will help me close this door?

ah, new adventures await when I close it
also it is not so much closing it as removing it
or, really, erasing it

yes, erase the door
there can be no trace of a door that is this kind of door
it is gone
poof!

what do I know about my wishes?

this is about that thing I keep learning
about how sometimes you have to say a clear no
to invite yes
and how trusting this is scary
but this is what is indicated,
and right

may I have the courage to dismantle and undo
to listen and trust
to release and
receive
choose towards
freedom and pleasure
glow my star glow
and do less
letting the doing-less be how I am of service in the world
ah of course this is a wish about
being true to my mission
yes

now

the superpower of deep listening

last month was HARMONY, with the superpower of hearing the melody, and August is MUSE, with the superpower of Deep Listening, and that is exactly what I am doing

thank you, past-me, for being such a good namer and calling this into being

last week’s wishes

last-week-me wished a wish called so clear under the stars

and guess what, my wish was really about Clarity — which I received, in spades, but now I am going to be spending September and October literally under the stars out in the middle of nowhere, and could not be happier about this.

invitation: come play with me…

you are invited to share many !!!!!! about what is here,
or share appreciation or anything sparked for you while reading, including any stories you wish to let go of, any adventures you wish to welcome

deposit wishes, gwishes, superpowers, qualities, ingredients, intel, possibly in code

safe space for creative exploration asks us to let go of care-taking and advice-giving

wishes are never late because whenever you wish is the right time for wishing

here’s how we meet each other’s wishes: oh, wow what beautiful wishes

♡

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