where to begin when I can’t stop going in circles?

let’s pause and ask a different question: when is it useful to go in circles?

when the circle is a labyrinth, a spiral, a compass

okay, let’s breathe into the roundness and begin with a clue

into the circle

a clue and a beginning

if you put cattle in a rectangular enclosure, they do not like it

but make the edges round and the world makes sense again for them

doesn’t that sound sweet and amazing, the world making sense again

even for a moment

shape = home

horses too: give them roundness and they’ll stop freaking out and know exactly what to do

they will lope in a circle once you give them a circle

nature doesn’t do rectangles or square edges; those shapes are baffling when you are a mammal

and I am (a baffled mammal)

same

we are mammals, and so it makes sense

it makes sense that we too are calmed and comforted by circles and archways

rounded edges and contained spaciousness feel good

we circle home and circle back

we are circulating (breath) + circumnavigating (the sun)

can you feel how we are homing our way home

calmed by roundness

back to cattle and horses: angles disrupt the flow of a moving herd, but it is so much more than that

the radius of rounded corners prevents anxiety and keeps them calm

arches and circles and round shapes are familiar, they bring us home

roundness is the encompassing compass

arches and canopies

all month long I thought about horizon

and now I have a better understanding of the image past-me chose for this month

transitions can be intense but breathe and love this rounded archway as you cross through

what if horizon is not just possibility embodied but also a passage of roundness

a passage through and into roundness

emergence + beginnings + home (what is home?)

and really if you think about it, we came from roundness

this can mean so many things but let’s start with these: cells, womb, source

O

Georgia, Georgia

we literally push our way out of a rounded aperture into the world

a round door into the world

and I just had a vivid flash of imagery, it is wonderful and bizarre and I probably shouldn’t share it but here it is:

vulva is forever Georgia O’Keefe flowering, but the vagina (canal!) is a perfect hobbit house door

let us passage our way through the round

Martha, Martha

because Tom Waits knows about longing (sound)

and looking back instead of forward

this is related to horizon too and I don’t really wish to say more about this now

but it’s a reminder for me to let what was be what was, over and done

eyes up, babe: the road ahead is beautiful and, more importantly, it is yours

(other) things that are or can be round

a compass / a labyrinth / sound / an orgasm / a bell

this is also a list of things that reverberate

and a list of all that is holy, playful, joyful, real

a list of what this Havi Bell loves most in life

really it is the perfect list, no more lists are needed ever the end amen

what else is round or rounded

+ river rocks (which are really skipping stones!)
+ when you blow a soap bubble and it floats above you, perfect and iridescent
+ a porthole
+ a button
+ the reverberating om which is also a homecoming
+ love*

love, for me, is always round

and, while we’re at it, let us appreciate kidney-shaped things like a baby’s feet and sometimes a swimming pool

nature abhors a vacuum and has no time for a box

this is funny to me right now, nature is constantly like, “you know what, fuck your right angles”

I can’t stop thinking about this intrinsic mammalian need of ours for roundness vs how we actually live

aka cubicle culture and city planning on a grid

we construct boxes to live in, we drive around in little boxes

and we are anxious and do not know why

roundness: enter here

I am happiest in round spaces but you know this already

do you remember how once I whispered (here!) about this secret knowing

I am made of round houses

just round the edges and all is well

the horizon is unknown and unknowable and also, somehow:

what if all is well?

and I am well

also I am a well

in the sense of [body of water] and in the sense of [source / connection to source]

a well of well-being, a bell of bell-being

roundness for resonance

what happens when the edges are wrong

like the confused cattle I have been winding myself into a knot of [nothing makes sense]

and then the monster chorus starts in with their repetitive chant

aka Everything Is Hopeless, Again, Because You Fucked It All Up

the right response (for me) is always in roundness, a circle of safe space

I place myself inside of a compass and breathe my way to peacefulness, presence + glow

a returning and a remembering

I want to share with you some of what I learned in this month of horizons

(1) my friend Alon took a three year period to recover from Situation X + solve Mystery Y, and ON THE LAST DAY he suddenly knew the answer to all of it, now this happened for me after three years of mostly wandering-and-wondering and letting my house go which means now I live nowhere (haha, even more so than ever before), the Month of Horizon came in and I suddenly know both what I want and where I want to be

(2) everything got solved while walking backwards, I will tell you about this next time

(3) my uncle built a tiny hexagonal cabin in the woods when I was very little, it is made of roundness and magic, I visited it yesterday and the path was so overgrown as to be invisible but my body remembered how to get there

(4) it is time for TRUTH-TELLING, to get out and be hard to find but also to stop hiding

(5) so here it is: I am the witchiest-witch in my full witchiness which is to say I am maybe a forest nymph and definitely a panther, and, just like the hexagonal cabin, I am made of roundness and magic

(6) I will read labyrinths for you, more on this later

(7) my heart is full of love, for you, and for life, and for this wild adventure of each day is a door

(8) this month a lot of past wishes came true, things that have been long-wished-for and then they suddenly showed up just as the time came to sail off into the horizon

breathing the superpowers of horizon

+ expansiveness
+ clarity
+ presence: yes I am here for this adventure in progress
+ discovery elements
+ appreciating everything that is in the process of being revealed
+ rounded edges
+ clean clear boundaries benefit everyone, just round them
+ we can do this: breathe breathe breathe
+ how can I care even more lovingly for this mammal body
+ hey friend, how is your heart?
+ let us get to the heart of things
+ and let us do this with patience, trust in the winding path
+ chrysalis for safety, for emergence, for magic
+ there is time for {this}

glad you are here, friend

(invitation to play here + pre-announcement for play later)

announcements coming soon, including: labyrinth-readings! compass-poetry distance sessions (tell me what your compass is and I will do a deep-dive into it and share what I learn), and a shared online communal adventure related to my current Bond Girl mission of Operation Further Reductions / Gain In Powers

in the meantime, comments are open…
you are welcome as always to share appreciation or anything sparked for you, anything coming up about horizon, any wishes for the month to come

here’s how we meet each other here: with warmth, and without care-taking or advice-giving

heart-glow for you and everyone who reads: thank you for being here

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