I’m getting ready to get ready to get ready to leave for Asheville.
This is not like me. It’s kind of awesome.
This trip will be my third to North Carolina in fifteen months.
Preparing for the teaching: not a big deal.
Preparing for the traveling: something I’m learning to do.
Preparing? What?
I don’t generally have my ducks in a row. I don’t generally have my ducks (well, duck) do anything, except hang out in my handbag.
And when it comes to travel, I’m a whee let’s do this traveler. The last minute is my friend.
Not caring how and just making it happen is how I’ve moved countries three times.
So this is different. And interesting.
I’m looking at these three trips and taking apart the patterns.
The first trip was exploratory.
As in: What’s this going to be like?
I was there to teach a destuckification weekend. It was unbelievably fun. The people were amazing. The work we did was beautiful. Loved it.
Some of what didn’t work, travel-wise.
Flying out of PDX at dark-thirty in the morning. Just one day of prep once I got there.
And then a series of interesting and unexpected Things Going Weird (including a midnight trip to the airport to rescue our beloved Sanders) resulted in a lot of sleeplessness.
What I learned is that I totally thrive on chaos. And I can teach just fine on no sleep.
This can be a good thing. It’s certainly useful in situations where there is chaos anyway.
And making friends with chaos is one part of what we do in Shiva Nata.
But being able to cope well with challenges doesn’t mean I should have to. The next piece: not having to deal well with chaos because things work. Oil the machine.
The second trip was reactive.
As in: Oh god let’s not make any of the mistakes from last time.
The familiar heading into rough territory while trying to avoid repeating the first thing.
I was there for Barbara‘s retreat, and I did a variety of things ridiculously right.
Like scheduling a buffer period before and after. In a gorgeous hotel (thank you, Twitter bar for the recommendations).
And booking a massage the day of the flight. Both ways.
Like running away with Amna at every opportunity.
Like having a lovely lunch with Tara the blonde chicken, and making her give me a ride to the airport because she’s the sweetest person on the planet.
I learned some Useful Things. And there were other parts that were highly stressful that had never even occurred to me to prepare for.
The third trip — this one — is curious, playful, sovereign, silly…
Yes, I’m really into the curious right now. And the playing. And wearing my crown and my stunning red sovereignty boots.
The other quality I’m messing around with is spaciousness.
The toys for teaching yoga, the goody bags, the presents, the supplies we need …. everything has already been shipped to the hotel.
The flights were booked almost a year ago. A two day buffer on each end.
It’s two weeks away and I’ve set up the things I never think of. Like actually getting a haircut. Printing out the handouts. Packing the don’t-forget-these bits.
And Worried Me is okay with things. And Stop-turning-into-an-annoying-grownup Me isn’t being nearly as sarcastic as she usually is.
Because we’re actually kind of having fun with this. Not putting up. Not managing. Not reacting. Not what-if-ing.
Just asking questions about what is needed and what would make things easier. It’s interesting.
This is what I’m working with.
- Where do I resist spaciousness?
- What is comfortable and uncomfortable for me about preparing?
- What is my relationship to “comfortable”?
- Where is the playing?
- Does this need a costume?
- Does this need metaphor mouse?
- What’s the pattern?
- What makes this lighter?
EDIT! The idea that “you can’t prepare for everything”, while true, is not relevant here.
Both because yes, that’s obvious, and because we’re not trying to prepare for everything. We’re trying to learn about our relationship with preparation, which is different.
Okay. You know the drill.
I’m intentionally avoiding telling you what the point I have in mind is.
You can make your own point.
It can be about sovereignty or the Book of You or the dammit list.
You can also play by asking yourself any or all of the questions I’m working with. Or invent your own.
Or share things you do to make traveling and arriving and recovering more …. grounded.
Blanket fort comment zen, as usual.
We all have our stuff. We’re all working on our stuff. Practicing.
We let people have their own experience. We don’t tell people what to do. We notice when and where our stuff comes up, and we work on it. Safe space.
Follow
Having just come back from a trip, this is so interesting and timely — the idea of being curious about *why* I might resist spaciousness, or ease. I had so much resistance about this trip and fear about how it might go, and none of my preparations went as planned and yet — it still went fine. Of course.
The curious thing was that I didn’t get airplane anxiety for the first time in eight years, and I think that was largely to do with bringing some sneaky Fluent Self tricks along with me. Tiny imaginary forcefields waiting at the gate. Telling my fear it could come out if it wanted to, but that it was also free to rest because it was someone else’s job to tell me if I needed to prepare for disaster. I also tried naming-three-things, for scents, tastes, sounds, etc, to help my mind stay in my body.
Oh travel.
So many patterns and old selves that come along for the ride.
It feels so amazing to do it in a different way. Still thinking about this.
.-= Jesse´s last post … Checking in The sound of cosmic laughter =-.
@Jesse – Nice! That’s just brilliant. So glad to hear.
I just wanted to add this:
The idea that “you can’t prepare for everything”, while true, is not relevant here.
For two reasons: a) assume the obvious, and b) we’re not trying to prepare for everything. We’re trying to learn about our *relationship* with preparation, which is different.
(though maybe this should be a post edit?)
I am noticing that it never even occurs to me to do things to make traveling or arrival/departure/recover more grounded. I think about how to make my travel easier on the pup. That’s it. I am also noticing that as I start to think about it, I get a little voice that says, “Eeeek. You’re already getting to travel. Now you want more?” Coincidentally, I am traveling this week. I think I’ll play with this a little.
.-= Elizabeth´s last post … lost in the corn =-.
Over the summer I took Jen Hofmann’s marvelous teleclass about making travel more sane. The worksheet she gave us for that class is my new best travel friend– my sweetie and I both fill it out and compare notes before we leave. The stuff I’ve learned about what I need when I travel is making it possible for me to schedule back-to-back trips, which I didn’t use to be able to do. I think Jen is planning to turn the recording/sheet into something people can get even now that the class is over. Also, I found Jen because of this blog, so thank you!
.-= Darcy´s last post … A day worth writing about =-.
What comes up for me when I think about this topic is mostly minutiae.
I have this bright yellow folder with a velcro closure that says Travel Stuff on the outside. I used to put all the papers related to a trip into this folder: passport, itinerary, hotel reservations, maps, etc. That way they would all be in one place long before the trip started, and I had only to pack the yellow folder. Its yellowness made it easy to spot in my carry-on bag, and I think it conveyed a sense of comfort that went beyond its obvious practical value. I haven’t used it on the last few trips that I’ve taken, perhaps because it is too big to fit inside the purse that I carry these days, or perhaps because I felt I had outgrown it. But it occurs to me that I could look for a smaller, more convenient version of the yellow folder for the next time I travel.
The other thing that I have discovered I need while travelling is the exact right pair of pants. They must be extremely comfortable, especially for sitting for a prolonged period, but they also need to be presentable, to fit in with my usual wardrobe, so that I feel like myself when I get off the plane or out of the bus or whatever. I find this very important.
Thanks for making me think about this Havi! I look forward to hearing what other people have to say, too.
This is so interesting. I actually 4 trips coming up in 4 months. What this post is making me realize is that my whole orientation to preparation is always around preparing for my absence for my family left behind.
And I always come last. So I have become this person who “makes do” with having forgotten things that would make my life easier or not having the haircut or the right clothes.
And I think I am moving toward- I deserve to prepare FOR ME for my trip,too dammit!
Of course this opens up all the questions I never give myself permission to ask: What do I need? What do I want? What will help this feel spacious, peaceful?
Dear Havi,
While practicing Shivanata this morning, I noticed that my mind, while being in the moment, was also anticipating what the next move might be. In that way, it was like table tennis, or cooking a multi-course meal…
or preparing to travel.
It’s true that you can never be sure “what comes next,” but it’s nice to have the agility to respond to any one of unlimited possibilities. Yay Shivanata.
Thank you kindly for providing this great tool. xo
.-= Rupa´s last post … A Butterfly and a Bird =-.
@ Alice – the right pants & a travel folder! so important
@ Havi
the thing I love most about this post is this idea – “while i do well (even) in chaos, everything does not have to be hard” or better – “if things can be comfortable, why not save the energies?”
it also ties into your earlier thoughts on ‘intentional chaos’. one could save energies spared (because of no stress during travel) and use them for more ‘intentional chaos’.
& my own extra thoughts
For dressing, i do kind of love a slightly business-oriented look. i swear it helps to look like you are on a mission and calm but going somewhere and you do this every week because you have to for work.
its fun (because in my case its pretend) and i swear people in airports respond differently.
another the-fluent-self inspired idea i used last summer while traveling was ‘care packages’. depending on the goal of the trip, i composed a special bag of goodies for the road.
I’m with you on the “just because you’re good at it doesn’t mean you have to do it” stuff.
Have fun getting ready to get ready for Asheville!
I’m getting ready to get ready to go to Portland for Thanksgiving 🙂 It will involve a trip on the train. Hooray!
Hmm… my last travel day was really nice. I think the one thing I did differently was engage with everyone I ran into that day (TSA, random strangers, gate attendants, etc.) instead of traveling in an imaginary bubble like I normally do. And it was lovely! People were really nice and interesting, even in the security line and at LAX, which was wild. It was sort of a NVC experiment, and I may try it again. I’ve been going places alone my whole life, and never had as stress-free of a trip as that.
Your mileage may vary, of course. But worth a shot, if you’re a hardcore cynic like me. I felt more present everywhere I was that day, and so when I arrived I felt much more grounded than usual. It was interesting.
.-= Shannon´s last post … Super-Quick Space Clearing Routine =-.
This came at the perfect time for me. I’m just about to travel, which is icky and stressful in itself, but then if we factor in the fact that I’m travelling to see family, it makes it all one huge nightmare. Which it always is. This post opened my eyes to the whole “hey, it doesn’t have to be this stressful” stuff.
I consider myself a seasoned traveller. I have the battered passport to prove it. But like Shannon says, I’m with you on the “just because you’re good at it doesn’t mean you have to do it” thing.
Thanks Havi. Re-reading your 6 tips for dealing with uncomfortable situations will also help with any flying shoes, intentional or otherwise.
This came at the perfect time for me. I’m just about to travel, which is icky and stressful in itself, but then if we factor in the fact that I’m travelling to see family, it makes it all one huge nightmare. Which it always is. This post opened my eyes to the whole “hey, it doesn’t have to be this stressful” stuff.
I consider myself a seasoned traveller. I have the battered passport to prove it. But like Shannon says, I’m with you on the “just because you’re good at it doesn’t mean you have to do it” thing.
Thanks Havi. Re-reading your 6 tips for dealing with uncomfortable situations will also help with any flying shoes, intentional or otherwise.
.-= Eleanor´s last post … You Are Not Important Which Makes You Important =-.
I was so tickled the other day when I decided to travel kind of last-minute and got to use the grab-and-go “kit” I’ve been creating over the last 12 months of trips. The kit has been a work in progress, and every trip, I’ve had to do stuff to fill it up and get it ready. For the first time, I was able to just grab it and go.
It’s got a “mini” everything of all my toiletries and crazy travel stuff (miniature sewing kit, extra duck tape rolled around a pen, etc.), and things like an extra phone charger, that I’m always afraid I’m going to forget.
I actually spent over 3 hours online finding the tiniest plastic containers in existence that could carry my shampoo and other potions for short 3-day trips (especially useful if I need to do space travel or something).
I’d love to have more of my travel stuff just be grab and go. Hmmmm. Wonder how that might happen … ?
@havi: Wow, you make travel sound nearly luxurious. Very cool. I have, on fast-turnaround trips, just left the toilet kit hanging on the back of the bathroom door for the days in between. But remembering to get a haircut? Not yet. In fact, you reminded me that I am unshorn and teaching a class tomorrow. Oops. But I have the essentials.
I think (for me) the question of resisting spaciousness is somehow linked to the question of loving and valuing myself. When I am taking good care of myself, it happens even when I’m traveling. There is a piece of contraction and fear that happens, too–around money–if I’m in a tight spot. When I can book the extra days, the not-o’dark-thirty-flights, the massage; when I can buy the book I really want to read to relax on the plane/bus/train and make sure the clothes are clean…when I can take the time to do it right, very little is stressful to the point of overwhelm. I think better, I perform better. I learn and teach better. I am more myself, a self I like much better than the imposters who move in to cause trouble at other times.
It’s a Mr. Rogers moment. “I mean I just might make mistakes if I should have to hurry up, and so I like to take my time.”
Rushing is SO not worth it. Hmm. Food for thought.
.-= Leela´s last post … the right tools =-.
I think what works best for me when I’m traveling is to balance openness to the new things I’m experiencing with a sense of cozy containment where my Stuff (and I’m referring here to my physical baggage, not my emotional baggage) is concerned. I have one favorite travel bag, a green backpack with wheels and a handle (and a bear’s face embroidered on the front, which probably also helps). It has several compartments, and I’ve worked out a satisfying system for which kinds of things go into each compartment. Having a not-so-large travel bag means I have to make choices as to what comes with me and what stays home, but I really like making those choices, practicing a sort of minimalist mindfulness, and opting for quality over quantity.
Then, when I arrive at my destination, I like to unpack as soon as possible. There are at least two reasons for this. First, it’s a way of nesting and claiming some personal space: my drawer, my bedside table, my bit of counter space in the bathroom. Second, it means that instead of living out of my suitcase, I’m living into it, putting my dirty clothes into the travel bag when I’ve finished wearing them. That way, I’ve been packing gradually day by day, so that when it’s time to leave, I don’t have to run around at the last minute frantically hoping that I’m not forgetting anything.
On a different but related subject, I’ve been noticing lately how much I long to travel, how much I’ve been savoring recent weekend getaway trips — I won’t say too much, but I’m curious about how I can bring some of that getting-away-from-it-all Ahhhh! feeling into my day-to-day life. I’d like to be able to unclench a bit more in my daily routines, y’know? Definitely something to ponder.
.-= Kathleen Avins´s last post … Fifteen minutes- dammit =-.
P.S. Sudden Shivanautical insight: this may be not so much an issue of escape as one of mindfulness. In a new environment, I am taking things in, seeing the wonder in even the most mundane things simply because they are new to me. Can I somehow re-focus my lens in my more familiar environments, and be more open to the wonders there? Hmmm…
.-= Kathleen Avins´s last post … Fifteen minutes- dammit =-.
Preparing is my thing. Preparing is what I do best.
Letting go and being is what I’m not so good at.
Maybe I could benefit by exploring my relationship with preparation from the other angle. Like, what am I really trying to accomplish with my lists and my schedules and my triple-checks?
.-= Amber´s last post … Lines in the Sand =-.
Hi Everybody!
I’m that Sanders that got rescued… but the most interesting parts of it all are these:
1. To get to Asheville, I took the wrong bus and ended way, way, way away from said Asheville. So, I had to rent a car and drive where Havi could rescue me. I had never driven on express ways before, (I’m from Africa) and was seriously scared by it. So, I stop at a fast food restaurant parking and did Shiva Nata for 10 minutes. And got back on the road. All I can tell you was it was like magic. I could drive at 80 mph, change lanes, and do whatever commuters do without a thought. I was as if I was in a bubble, with tingling and focus and awareness and clarity… Every hour or so, I would stop and dance the Shiva Dance and get back to that state. That’s how I made it to the rescue point.
2. During that drive, I also became aware of my stuff (I’m making Havi and her friend wait for me… I know Havi doesn’t do well with sleeplessness… I’m soo stupid to have taken a ticket to the wrong town… What if get lost…) but was able to say, “Yes, all this is true, but now we need to drive). Actually, I had an epiphany during the driving: I really understood what Havi meant by acknowledging the hard, by meeting it.
3. It only took a year, but I now realize that apart from all the fabulousness I got in Asheville (I am still in awe of the goodies I keep discovering in the notes I took that weekend), that rescuing was one the best thing that happened to me.
Thank you Havi!
Dear Havi and everyone,
Lots of brilliant inspiration, thank you. @Jesse, thanks for “waiting for someone else to tell me if I needed to prepare for disaster”. I think this could work better for me than trying to pretend as though I am seeing myself in a movie when I am on a plane. This in fact does not work.
If I am on really long flights I normally try and fit in some buffer time (like this word) after arrival to put my legs up a wall and cover my face with some nourishing cream or a face mask because I hate the way my skin feels after having been on a plane.
And I bought the “ultra light travel mat” at Yogamatters a few years ago. It only weighs 400g, it folds up and is great for hand luggage. And it has zero padding but a great grip and I don’t have to do yoga on yukky hotel carpets. Or it simply gives me my tiny bit of yoga space when I am at someone else’s place.
@Sanders – Hey sweetheart! Do you know that rescuing you is one of my favorite memories of that weekend? It was such an amazing thing. And getting to have you be part of our weekend was the best thing that could have happened. And of course now you have a story and stories are your magic.
@Leocadia – mmmmmmm face mask after a plane ride. That is BRILLIANT. Off to find one and pack it.
Yum!
This year I have been playing with High Value Actions. Every day I choose and declare one of this suckers in my beloved Brain Trust forum. Every day I report on what I did or did not do, and sometimes I say a bit about what doing it or not doing it was like.
And I am loving this. Far from being a To Do Production, it’s become a gentle daily practice of discovering my edges around taking action in my biz. Of encountering my edges (read: limits of a pattern) around planning, organization, linearity.
I know I can’t control the Universe (for which I am eternally grateful). I know I can’t even control myself (ugh, nor do I want to). And I am loving having this relationship with intention, action, and accountability that is really all about discovery.
Anyway, that’s where this one’s mind went reading your post.
All love…
The words “Barbara’s retreat” make me really wish I could have worked out a good way to do the France one. Which was something like, um, now.
Next year maybe I’ll try to entice you to do it with me, traveling girl. 🙂