So as you might already know … I’m having a baby that’s not actually a baby, but a tiny, sweet thing.
It’s a playground. The Playground. A real-life studio for everything that my duck and I teach.
And now it’s being born.
There is the waiting.
The waiting. And the waiting.
There is the not being ready because you can’t be ready, but what the hell you’re committing to stepping into this new role anyway.
The hesitancy.
The excitement.
The ambivalence.
The knowledge that everything is changing.
The anticipation.
The wonder.
The wondering.
The second-guessing.
The double-checking of everything.
The stashing of supplies.
And of course, preparation happens on different levels simultaneously.
So there’s physical preparation. Energy preparation. Emotional preparation. Mental and spiritual.
There’s preparation in the hard (everything I do that is tangible, that can be seen and touched).
And there’s preparation in the soft (everything I do that is symbolic, subtle, part of a process).
All happening at the same time.
A short list of some of the elements in my own preparations:
It all started with the baby blanket.
As soon as I knew I was metaphorically having this baby-like thing, it was clear that toys were needed. Toys!
And reminders.
So I bought us a beautiful baby blanket (yay, Etsy!) and kept it in my workspace to remind me that everything I was doing was connected to bringing this being into form.
Help from metaphor mouse.
Whenever I find myself not wanting to do something, it’s invariably related to internal stucknesses that need attention.
And I often play with words and their meanings as a way to soften resistance, so we have had many visits from Metaphor Mouse, my beloved caped superhero.
Which helped me name things.
Naming things.
Having an attorney was kind of intimidating, which is how my barrister became Jerry the Bannister.
My CPA is a pirate! And even The Playground had already named itself. Fun-brewing instead of “fund raising”. And everyone who was helping me?
Fairy godmothers.
The fairy godmothers!
My group leaders at the Kitchen Table were the first to hear the news, and they immediately formed into the best cheering squad ever.
I’ve been doing huge amounts of energy and emotional preparation with my pretend-sister Hiro, who has been the most amazing source of strength and guidance. As well as my giggling partner in crime.
Many sessions of mental preparation with Carolyn, who has been gently zapping stucknesses right and left.
Then lots of strategic preparation with Pam and Cairene.
And of course I can’t forget Hope, my real estate witch.
And everyone else who is rooting for me.
My gentleman friend.
My favorite uncle.
My friends and clients and students.
My commenter mice and Beloved Lurkers who have been crossing extremities and sending love.
More presents!.
The collecting of literal tangible things, beyond the baby blanket.
Sometimes practical, useful things. With boring names like “beverage dispenser” and “trash receptacle”.
And sometimes symbolic things that provide a sense of protection, safety, specialness. Things to give love. Things to help the space feel loved.
Like this perfect, playful mezuzah that I bought from Jennie.
The singing bowl from Nepal that Hiro gave the Playground.
The pirate ship wheel that you’ll read about tomorrow or the next day.
The asks.
The many Very Personal Ads.
The very first thing I did when it dreamed itself up inside of me was to begin writing it love letters. Many, many love letters.
Tiny ones on post-it notes. And long, rambling ones that took up pages and pages of my notebook.
And then the mind maps and the extravagant Charting of Flow (because of course I suck at flow charts, but if you chart flow than somehow it’s easier).
I gave over my office to Project-ing this. The floor got covered in index cards and maps.
The walls are for the fun-brewing charts.
We arranged for a fake stage so that I could pretend to be teaching at the Playground during my Shiva Nata and yoga practice.
And the play.
The various conversations and negotiations with my monsters.
The figuring out what is stuck, using every technique that I teach.
The Shiva-ing it up to generate hot-buttered epiphanies and surprising insights.
Where I’m going with this.
Oh, who knows. I’m too excited with the waiting to find out if we got the lease.
The lease! The John Cleese! The flock of geese! The queen’s niece! The Witherspoon that is Reese! Oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy!
But I will say this:
For me, doing things in the soft is just important as taking steps in the hard, and I try to make sure I’m always doing some of both.
Also, this creation is all about play and fun and goofiness. And about how these qualities are part of transforming things.
So I need my process of creation to be an experience that is playful, silly, light-hearted, pleasurable.
Which is hard, because so many parts of the creative process can be so completely painful and agonizing (did I mention the waiting?!)
Reminding myself (several times a day) that the point of a playground is having a place to play (and to ground) has been ridiculously helpful.
Comment zen for today.
You are welcome to bring the baby playground gifts in the form of love and excitement and good wishes.
Because I consider you one of our symbolic good fairies too.
And I’ll just add that I’m not ready right now to hear what-ifs or uh-ohs or anything that isn’t full-on enthusiasm. Because this is my tiny, sweet thing and it is sleeping. Shhhh!
Thank you!
Follow
Oh, beautiful baby Playground…Shhhh…
May your birth be easy and magical, attended by angels, fairies, pirates and queens.
May you bring so much love into the world. And receive so much love in every moment.
May your life be long and filled with blessing.
May your life be a miracle unfolding.
Love and love to you, Havi, Selma, and Gentleman Friend…
xo Hiro
.-= Hiro Boga´s last post … Playful Discovery: The Cure for Internet Hangover =-.
Hey Havi,
My entire home is a giant playpen.
I’ve sent you the gift of a swing set, so you and the baby can swing up and back, higher and higher, until you take off from the swing set and sail up to the land of unfettered ideas.
When you want to return, the swing will act as a parachute to gently return you and the little baby to your own playpen.
Giulietta the Muse
.-= Giulietta´s last post … Attempt The Impossible =-.
I am jumping up and down and waving my arms (oops, hope I didn’t wake anybody…) in eager anticipation.
A Playground! Yay!
I hope I hope I get to come see it sometime. Soon.
Heather
Tiptoeing in to give it a kiss on its sweet little sleeping head and a blessing for a joyful life.
.-= Lori Paximadis´s last post … rainy days and Tuesdays… =-.
I’m knitting a tiny little hat, shaped like a strawberry, with a green flooffie of leaves on top. Ties under a sweet little chin with red crocheted ties.
May the bright-red-perky and tart-sweet-luscious-juicy-burst-of-deliciousness-from-strawberries-and-many-other-things protect the playground from any errant drafts.
Love to you, Havi, to Selma, and to your playground!
I’m so happy for you, Selma and everyone else! Congratulations on the impending arrival 🙂
.-= Elizabeth Howell´s last post … Bush vs. Obama: the space vision =-.
Ramble: So, there’s a tree right outside my window. It sprouted leaves overnight a few weeks ago, and since then has ever-so-slowly been progressing. The buds are all there now, all dark pink and promising. Some of them are are starting to open just a little, but not much yet. I just know that one of these mornings, as soon as it gets warm enough for more than one day in a row, I’m going to wake up and there will be gobs of bright pink flowers. It will be amazing. No matter how long it ends up taking for this to happen, I will squeal, and bounce about, and take roughly 400 pictures. Even though I had nothing whatsoever to do with the production of said flowers, and it isn’t even my tree, I will still be that excited. Because I just plain love flowers and spring.
Explanation for the ramble: Well, this is like that. I’m so excited and hopeful and extremity-crossing for you and your Playground. Because this is all just a wonderful, beautiful thing, and what’s not to love? (But, I promise to keep the squealing to a reasonable volume. That scares people…)
I am asking all of the gentle bumblebees and butterflies in my imagination to each saddle-up with a dollop of love and deliver it to you and your precious, beautiful thing.
Also blowing you lots of kisses and good wishes.
<3 xx
I love that so many people are coming to wish goodness and love upon your tiny, sweet thing. It makes me think of the scene in Sleeping Beauty when all the fairy godmothers come to bestow gifts upon the baby.
My hope is that this tiny, sweet thing will grow into a large and beautiful thing that is so full of love and wonderfulness that anyone who comes in contact with it will forever changed (even if it is just a little bit, so far down they never notice).
I cannot wait to hear the news that you signed your lease (The John Cleese! The flock of geese! The queen’s niece! The Witherspoon that is Reese!) and my hope of hope is that someday I will get to come and play in your playground.
.-= SuperCareo´s last post … I need your help! =-.
Super lovely reminder for me… that the preparation for arrival is important. And I need to remember it includes making space for the really wonderful thing we really want and space for the parts that are hard hard hard.
And thanks for saying that the “creative process can be so completely painful and agonizing (did I mention the waiting?!)”. Because sometimes I forget that and assume it’s supposed to be all fluffiness and wonder, which can kinda prevent any much anticipated arrival from ever happening. So anyway, thanking you.
Eeeeeeee – Excitement and fairy dust and good wishes!
.-= Briana´s last post … Buckling up and riding the tide =-.
Oh boy Oh boy Oh boy. Finally a better than ever reason for me to find the ways and means to Portland for the experience of your playground. Any place that offers playing and grounding in the Pacific North West had me at hello.
And while I’m still not a Shiva, I am jumping up and down flailing for you. I mean have you ever jumped up and down with your legs (among all the other extremities) crossed? It’s definitely a lot flailing fun.
*whispering*
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!!!!!!!!!!
Yay yay yay!!!! A big peaceable bubble of light is on its way to you and your bundle of joy from sunny my house! It will splash blessings and love on you and the iridescent sphere will also protect you from icks! !!!!!
!!!!
!!!!
I’m so completely stoked and excited and eeeeeee for you and your gorgeous playground. I wish you every happiness.
I’d like to give this young one a mobile; to hang above the crib/cot and remind the playground that it can play.
.-= Rose´s last post … Summer =-.
a quiet but heartfelt “mazal tov”! and wishes for all sorts of good deeds and magic journeys and joy for everyone who finds themselves in your playground. i am sending you a kiddush cup, so that you can sanctify time and space. and some grape juice, so that your cup should be overflowing with joy and play and whatever else you need to call forth.
It’s like a collection of good things. Baby shower!
Thank you!
@LaShae – I am picturing you jumping up and down with everything crossed, and the image is too great. So much fun!
@Briana – yes, yes and yes. The waiting and all the hard that comes with it. Oof.
@jessie – ooh, exactly what I need. Thank you!
These are the loveliest things. I’m going to go read them all again! Yay. Kisses.
Also I have to leave the beautiful Rainer Maria Rilke quote that Leocadia reminded me of:
“You must give birth to your images.
They are the future waiting to be born.
Fear not the strangeness you feel.
The future must enter you long before it happens.
Just wait for the birth, for the hour of the new clarity.”
Yes!
*whispers*
Yay!
I am so excited for the impending birth. May it be full of ease and magic and joy.
I am sending a coach full of fairy dust to sprinkle around the space – and sweet gentle puppy kisses for the tiny sweet thing.
Yay.
.-= Elizabeth´s last post … giveaway winners =-.
Baruch ata adonai eloheinu melech ha’olam shehecheyanu v’kiyimanu v’higyanu lazman hazeh! *does the swaying Shehecheyanu dance*
.-= Oliver Danni´s last post … choirqueer: RT @Scarleteen: Neither the vagina, anus or mouth are passive parts, and wanted sex does not include resistance. We like "entry" as a t … =-.
I’m just so happy for you.
The baby metaphor came up for me while working through my relationship with my not yet born biz via Mark Silver’s materials. (he’s awesome). When you began to use it relating to the playground I just had to grin.
Again, I’m so happy for you. Enjoy sweet play in your new playground.
I trust that soon I won’t be afraid to play with my little biz.
CJ
Whispery yays for your beautiful space of play and fun. Excitedly (& softly!) jumping at the thought of the John Cleese(the architect that is Mies!).
.-= Megan Lubaszka´s last post … The Case of the Gimmies =-.
Here, I’m sending this sweet, gangly giraffe as a gift for your precious baby Playground. Why a giraffe, I am not entirely sure — but she’s gentle and quietly goofy, and I think she wants to be a companion.
I also think I needed to read this post — perhaps especially the bit where you said, “…I need my process of creation to be an experience that is playful, silly, lighthearted, pleasurable…” to help me work up the courage to post my VPA for this week. I need reminders that even when my work feels very important, that doesn’t mean it necessarily has to feel so serious. So, thank you!
.-= Kathleen Avins´s last post … When the going gets tough… =-.
I’m so excited about your baby Playground! Sending love, love, and some more love to you and to this sweet little thing that will grow up to be the most wonderful Playground!
.-= Josiane´s last post … Middle of the night musings =-.
Please know that there are a whole lot of people out here wishing you well, even if we don’t always comment as often as we want to.
YAY!
.-= Luke´s last post … Ighalsk – sneak peak of Tunnels of Lost Dreams final level =-.
Yay! Sending you fun, playful fairy dust!
I’m totally psyched about The Playground. Can’t wait!<3
Haha! “The lease -> the John Cleese” makes me think that Metaphor Mouse is a right cockney chap 🙂
I can’t even *remember* how I got on this RSS feed but I *love* this posting– stumbled over to my Google Reader cuz i’m exhausted & overwhelmed working a full-time job in the solar industry & trying to get an album out (of music)… ANYWAY…
this is right up my alley & i love the whimsy in it… i had thought to go to Babies R Us to get baby stuff, but there was a heavy-heartedness & a seriousness to it… i love the lightness in your tone & the passion & vulnerability…
***THANKS***
and
*** CONGRATS– NEW BABY! 🙂 ***
Cheers to the playground! This is so exciting. So many good, happy wishes to you. Congratulations!!!! Wah-hoo!
.-= Danielle´s last post … Overwhelm and putting self-care first. =-.
See, I read this and think, duh … like this couldn’t be some magical kingdom of success. Because it was created in love and it will be birthed in love and it already has a huge family of happy aunts and cousins and maybe a fairy godmother or two waiting to throw it a confetti parade as it arrives. And when you have that combination, plus a special layer of Havi & Selma-style bravery, all you can have is a home run.
And if it’s born when I come to Portland in July for business, I’ll come by and bring a special welcome-to-the-world and gratitude for all I’ve learned here gift.
.-= lynn @ human, being´s last post … Days of Grace: 337/365 =-.