Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
Each week I write these VPAs to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.
I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!
Two full years of doing these VPAs, as of today.
And no one is more surprised than me.
I’ve never missed a week, though sometimes I don’t get to it on Sunday! Couldn’t do it without knowing that you guys are reading. So thank you for helping me stay in the ritual and the practice, even when it’s hard.
Thing 1: systems help
Here’s what I want:
At the last Rally (Rally!), I had about ten billion amazing insights about business systems and related personal life system-ey stuff as well.
And then I hired Cairene to help me implement, and she has been incredible, as always. Cairene has also Rallied at the Rally so she gets it.
So now there are all these bits and pieces for me to do so that I can start USING these systems.
It hasn’t happened yet. And I’d like it to.
Ways this could work:
I could take a day or two off, hang out at the Playground and play with this in a creative, experimental, Rally-esque way.
Or maybe just planting the wish here will already do the work.
Also I can take it to Shiva Nata and ask the practice to show me what will help me say yes to the new forms and structures.
Or I can ask Slightly Future Me for advice.
My commitment.
To remember how important this is, find out where the resistance is, talk to monsters as necessary, and discover.
To keep trying things.
To forgive myself. If something isn’t working, that isn’t a sign that I’ve screwed up. It’s just information to take back to the lab.
Thing 2: a holiday before Rally starts
Here’s what I want:
So the July Rally (RALLY!!!! Can you tell how excited I am?) starts Monday, July 11 in the evening.
That’s basically in a week.
And I really want to be rested for it.
So I need to move some stuff around and make this holiday happen.
Ways this could work:
I can tell the GF that this is not optional and that I need help making it work.
My clients can be sweet and accommodating. Or I can just do sessions from the road but on the road I will be.
We can bring the Flip and shoot a bunch of Shiva Nata video while we’re gone.
My commitment.
To commit to this because I know in every cell of my body that it is vital.
I just wrote this and then I thought of a really good place to run away too. Yay.
Thing 3: releasing judgment
Here’s what I want:
About seven or eight years ago I started a practice of not lying. It was a yoga thing.
It was both way harder and way easier than I thought it would be. And it showed me a lot about the patterns beneath the patterns, if that makes sense.
Anyway, I love being mean. Funny-mean. It’s a part of me. And I don’t really plan to stop.
But I’ve noticed myself making snap judgments and jumping to conclusions.
So I want to start a practice — for this week, let’s start slow — of just noticing when I do that.
Not stopping myself. Not judging myself for doing it, because that would kind of defeat the purpose. But just saying, “Hey, I’m doing that thing. What do I really need right now?”
Ways this could work:
I’m going to put it here and see what happens.
I might use my journal or the Hello, Day ritual or the forum boards at my Kitchen Table program to help me with this one too.
My commitment.
To notice the patterns without thinking that they say anything terrible about me.
To recognize my stuff when it’s my stuff, and give it permission to exist.
To find the love and the pain and all of it and let it be what it is.
Thing 4: two weeks of special Shiva Nata posts!
Here’s what I want:
We had the Shiva Nata picnic call this week and it was so much fun. And now I’m crazy excited for the September Training aka the Shivanautical Academy of Hilarity and Play.
The early registration ends JULY FIFTEENTH which is in less than two weeks.
I have so many things I want to say, plus there are all sorts of great questions people had that didn’t get answered.
So can I write posts for the next two weeks? I’d like to!
Ways this could work:
I can take it to Shiva Nata and have it show me where the inspiration is and what needs to happen.
My commitment.
To write love letters.
To spread joy.
To dance dance dance like that’s all there is.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
Let’s see.
I wanted companionship for parading, and while nothing has really moved with that, I feel so much better about the whole thing. So maybe what I wanted was just ease. And knowing that I’m not alone.
I know that now. So it’s good.
Then I wanted people for the Shiva Nata sneak snack picnic preview call and we had two hundred and twenty something, so that totally worked. Even though I didn’t do anything.
Thank you, everyone who joined us, and everyone who spread the word!
Also, you can still sign up even though it’s over, because that will get you an email with the recording as well as the transcript of our two hours in the Chattery (the chat room).
I also asked for help and support with a mini-brunching of a product, and while it hasn’t happened yet, I totally did get help and support. More coming!
And I wanted do-overs and got them in a very surprising way. Still shaking my head over that. A good week, all in all. Still learning how to do this.
Comment zen. Here’s what I’d love today.
Your own personal ads, small or large. Things you’ve asked for. Or are asking for. Or would like to ask for. Or updates on last time!
Stuff I’d rather not have:
The word “manifest”. To be told how I should be asking for things. To be judged, psychoanalyzed or given unsolicited advice.
Much love for your gwishes! So happy to have you doing this with me.
Follow
Oh hey! I seem to always wander back to this blog on your VPA days. They are magical. Congrats on 2 years! That’s a hell of an accomplishment!
What I would like are what @mingzhuhii of the Public Studio calls ‘Big Tweaks.’ I just moved to Portland myself (!) and my work and days have been all shaken up, and I need a way of setting up a new structure for myself. Except I’m not so good with *making* structure (analyzing it? Yeah! Creating it to support my own creativity? Meh.) … so maybe a very personal ad to start?
What I would like: A gentle yet dynamic easing back into creative flow.
Ways this could work:
-find another way of thinking about systems/structure so my rebel side doesn’t freak out
-morning pages. w/ Natalie Goldberg’s Wild Mind close by for when I get stuck.
-Flowing back into my body. Yoga/ballet/bollywood dancing calling my name! But not trying to stuff classes into my schedule…mostly taking notice of holistic, not just intellectual, me.
My commitment to this:
Declaring it. Putting it into so many words. Weekly biz check-in extravaganzas with my blogging friend! In person! I love this city already.
Also, I woke up the other morning with the thought ‘…so you can write a book in July.’
And I was like, What?!
But there it was.
So my other thing is to figure out this book thing. Without getting overwhelmed by all the other things I need to do.
Big, delicious tweaks ahead! I’m wondering, Havi, if you’ve ever written about how to experiment with lifestyle stuff (or maybe even just productivity stuff) without totally throwing yourself out of whack!
Thanks! <3
I want to set an intention for my retreat in August. A simple one. Something that will not put too much pressure on the whole thing. But something more than just relaxing.
How can this happen?
I could journal on it and see what comes up. I could ask my equivalent of Havi´s slightly future me.
My commitment: to spend five minutes every day contemplating this question until something pops up.
I need to get a credit card. Which means I need to go to the bank. which makes me feel small and shy.
How can this happen?
I could ask somebody to come with me. I could ask this scared part of me, why this is so hard and try to find something to comfort it.
My commitment: Be very, very gentle with me. Not to let this project slip out of sight.
Want to book my flight and get the ferry ticket.
Again some part of me keeps sceaming in fear. what if I do get it all wrong? If I book the wrong day? If my holiday gets cancelled?
How can this happen?
talk to my fear gremlins what they are trying to protect me from. Maybe sing some more. Overtone singing today helped me getting over a stuckity thing and might work again.
My commitment: again: be very gentle to self and not letting the project slip out of sight. Maybe try and call M. or K. to ask for the best connection.
I have a thing to do that is very important and I really really want to do it and I just don’t. I get all panicky when I try. Even thinking about it makes me anxious and trying to talk to the fear monsters paralyzes me. This is stupid, I say. It’s not that hard, and considering all the things you’ve dealt with and done and faced with confidence even when you were afraid…
So my first ask is simply that I begin to understand this, and to be gentle with myself about it.
Maybe the monsters can give me clews in a non-threatening form?
We have a few things that need to be done anyway this summer and a few more that could be put off but we’ve decided that they won’t be, and I want to see progress with them, and a sense of ease about them.
I want to have a big family reunion/birthday party in September for my husband — his “Survival Celebratioin” — and I want to have the things done before then. So beginning this week, I want clarity about what is and what is not important to making this a success so I can plan and use my time well and not be overwhelmed with stress.
Like: the garage has a lot of water and insect damage and has to be repaired this summer; I’d like it done before the party. Like: weeds are taking over part of the yard and I need to do something about that but it takes time and will I have the time to do it? Is it important to have the yard looking its best for this event, or should I Iet that go?
I need clarity about things like that. Also allies and resources. I need to be open to seeing those too.
I don’t know how many months I have been VPAing about the Bikini Roto. The bankruptcy I thought was inevitable. The train I thought was coming down the track I was one. The dread. The shame. The slogging through the muck to take each step I needed towards what I thought was the only option. And then on the day when I thought I was going to sign the final papers, when the other trains were bearing down and my world had shrunk to the size and color of a piece of coal and I could not breathe and could barely see – my attorney said, “well, what if we did this? what if we figured out your numbers and made these offers and did these things and then you wouldn’t have to file.”
And I was pulled off the track. The trains screeched to a halt. My eyes lifted, the world went back to being world-sized. I could breathe and see and imagine a future.
And so I just pause here, to reflect on the VPA process. The moving my feet while I pray process. The reflection each week of what I wanted and what I thought I had to want because of what I thought had to happen.
I will just sit here this week and watch the trains go by, letting the wind wash over me as they pass.
I keep meaning to write these out like you do…I think it would be helpful for me.
Here’s what I want: I want to figure out how to get more people involved with my dare blog, giving me dares, commenting, perhaps even doing dares along with me and posting their own content(!)
Ways this could work:
I could start creating more video content to get people more engaged with my personality and what I post
I could request dares from local celebrities or even national celebrities I love.
I could partner with organizations I support and ask for their input or help in cross-promoting
I could get my current readers more involved by posting AHEAD of time what my dares will be every day of the upcoming week, and asking people to post their own video responses or photos of dares they do, in addition to my blog posts.
I could post something on Craigslist
I could put a bumpersticker on my car
I could continue to talk to people one on one and promote my dare blog that way
My commitment:
I will make time each day to at least DO my dare for the day
I will start planning ahead better and remember all of the tools I have to document each dare
I will make a contact plan and be brave about contacting those who might be interested in my project as a story or people whom I admire who might grant me a dare to perform.
I will contact at least two people or organizations each week
I like this! There is such a power in putting things out there. Otherwise, I just sit here obsessing over getting stuff done and feeling behind and stuff. It’s terrible.
Happy 4th everyone!
I’ve been out of the loop and have just read the last two weeks worth of posts here this morning 😛
VPA time. I know I asked previously about my degree… I got a 2:1 [like a B] and thus got the grade i need for my Masters course [where I hope to look at the science behind Shiva Nata] 😀 SO yay, thank you VPA-powers.
I’m also a person who is funny-mean; and i’m still working with monster-who-fears-without-my-sarcasm-i-will-be-nobody-and-have-no-friends.
I hadn’t even thought that because of this I may also sometimes make judgements, so I’ll have to have a look out for that because something tells me I do.
This week, I have one ask.
Capacity Respect
Here’s what I want:
I have never before had a “proper job”. Never worked more than 2 days in a row, never worked more than 10 hours a week.
This week, I worked 45 hours over all 7 days. Saturday I did a 10 hours shift in one day. Hence, today/monday, I had to take off.
I’m cleaning; so it’s a physically exhausted job to boot [with my very low level of fitness and high levels of knee, back and neck pain].
I would like Tuesday-Friday to be balanced; with enough time to rest, and for my weekend Friday evening-Sunday to be gentle, loving, patient and just flow. Please.
Ways this could work:
Plan specific activities each evening/for the weekend – massages and meditation.
Keep stretching.
Debate taking time off?
Talk to my best friend on skype for 6 hours again 😛
Create a ritual?
It could just be easier/more restful work
My commitment.
To try and be patient.
To take pockets of introvert recovery like today.
To find the love and to see the “oh, they dont want me to get hurt/to be told off themselves” in each “HURRY UP, DONT DO IT LIKE THAT”.
To cry if I need to when I get home.
Pretty please.
Rose
There is a lot of stuff that I’m anxious about right now. I’m asking for the faith and confidence that whatever happens, things will be all right in the end. I’m also asking for calm, clarity, happiness, and lots of support.
How this can happen: I can keep looking for the next loving and creative action, and keep moving forward. I can do lots of Shiva Nata, opening myself to the help and support that it offers, that is always available to me.
My commitment: I will be as kind to myself as I possibly can. I will practice self-care. I will stay as mindful and as present as I can stand.
I will breathe. I am breathing now. I am here.
I thought I’d follow up on last week’s VPA, since setting the intention worked! I asked to have time to sit and be still, to do something other than watch TV. And I got that, pretty much right away last week. I did more reading and relaxing and just being.
I also asked for an exhilarating yet relaxing presentation at work. And it was fabulous! Better than I’d hoped! Sure, there were nerves, but people were very receptive, and it was quite fruitful. And my nerves faded, and I communicated clearly and articulately, and said what I wanted to say, the way I wanted to say it. I really enjoy my team, and I also enjoy the way I am with my team. It’s quite the departure from the insecurity, anxiety, and feelings of inadequacy I used to have constantly.
Okay, so this week, I’ll try a new ask, which is:
To feel free from worry.
This can happen by worrying less and trusting more. I can work on the previous week’s ask about going within again this week, so I have time to reflect on what’s making me so anxious. I can be more present and enjoy the good. Also, maybe something could just “give,” and the anxiety will lift. Maybe I’ll have some kind of epiphany, and my worries will fade.
I will commit to taking time to relax, whether that be legs up the wall, stretching, journaling, or talking with a good friend. As many days this week as I can. I can use my toolbox. I can breathe into the worry. I can dig around in the (literal) dirt and help things grow. I can scrapbook. I can pledge not to believe everything I think. I can give myself the silent treatment.
@ Tessa – you know this whole writing a book in a month is a thing. Check out NaNoWriMo.org (national novel writing month) and they have a sister site for writing books in July and August CampNaNoWriMo.org there’s also a July Spin-Off which is listed somewhere on the main site.
Good luck to everyone in their own VPAs
Thing I Want – To understand my lack of confidence in going back to school. Why does the thought of applying scare me?
Ways this could work – I could talk to the monsters. I cuold research grad programs that would actually pay me to go to school **squee** husband found one of these last night. I could examine the goodbye goggles I’m feeling about my job because i do know it’s killing me slowly.
My Commitment – to talk to the monsters. to keep looking and audit that class in the fall to get a letter of rec from a professor because i’ve been out of school for so long.
I hear you Seagirl. Crossing over the Continental Divide of epic financial proportions has been encouraging, exhilarating, and exhausting. But mostly I just quite frankly don’t know what I want now that there is a future of hope and possibility; and am content to sit quietly and let it come to me in its own time.