Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
Each week I write these VPAs to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.
I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!
Usually these come out on Sunday, but Sunday I was screaming my head off at Besterns.
So we’re doing them now.
Thing 1: Roller Derby! Championships! Denver!
Here’s what I want:
Yesterday was the last day of the Bridgetown Brawl Western Regional tournament.
Rose City’s Wheels of Justice had one last chance to grab third place and make it to Championships in November, and they ran with it to crush Rat City.
Seattle! Thanks for taking out the Denver Roller Dolls so we could face off with you instead.
It was a wild and incredibly exciting weekend of derby, filled with dramatic lead changes, bizarre upsets and everyone I know losing their voice.
And we’re going to Championships!!!! Finally! Yes, the Continental Divide & Conquer.
Which means: setting up a Shiva Nata workshop in either Boulder or Denver. I can’t decide if I’ll do one for the public and one for derby, or just combine them somehow.
Ways this could work:
Local people who can help us out?
I know we’ve definitely had a ton of Rallions who come to Rally from Colorado….
Among the things I’ll need: a space to rent that can hold fifty-sixty people, hotel recommendations, spreading the word…
And a way to fit all my FABULOUS BOUTFITS into one piece of luggage.
My commitment.
To be present. To be proud. To be purple and sparkly. To ask for help. To commit.
Thing 2: creative childcare solutions/brainstorming help…
Here’s what I want:
There are lots and lots of people who would come to Rally and to Shiva Nata classes at the Playground, except they can’t because of the childcare thing.
We do not have room to offer anything like that in the Playground itself. Well, we have physical space for it, but our rooms all have low walls and share the same impossibly high ceiling, so it would be noisy. Which would not work.
And anyway the having to child-proof the Treasure Room would be quite challenging.
Possible theoretical solutions are needed that do not require the use of the Playground space itself.
Ways this could work:
One of the other tenants in the building leaves or sublets a chunk of space to us, and we make it into a kid’s Playground.
Somehow the local Rallion/Shivanaut community comes up with a solution where different people take turns doing kid-watching? In someone’s home? In the building?
I don’t know. This might need to wait until we have a different space.
I am putting it here in the hopes that SPEAKING IT will begin to stir some things.
My commitment.
To play and laugh, and then play and laugh some more. To be five years old.
Thing 3: energy and enthusiasm for coming back into body routines
Here’s what I want:
I haven’t been to a dance class in eight days.
It’s time to return.
Slowly, compassionately, carefully and with loving determination.
Ways this could work:
Use the art of the OOD.
And set up guidelines that can help me ease back in without falling apart.
My commitment.
To find out what I need. Safety first. Exploration without attachment to results.
Thing 4: sweet, loving acceptance for my body
Here’s what I want:
Related to the above.
Finding the unconditional again.
Yes, it sucks that we got sick and that all the routines were shot to hell and that we’re not in phenomenal shape anymore.
And I’m allowed to not like that, and to feel all the legitimate things that I’m feeling.
AND:
This is my home. My body is my home.
So, tfu tfu tfu — may it never happen, if a storm were to come through and damage a part of the porch, it doesn’t make sense to hate and resent my home for not being what it was before.
Or to constantly compare it to THEN.
It’s where I live. So my job is to take care of it in the best way that I can, and to help it be strong and stable.
This is what I’m trying to remember.
Ways this could work:
I can incorporate this into my Hello, Day ritual.
And I can do symbolic things with my own real-life home (Hoppy House) to remind me of how I want to treat my internal home.
Maybe some kind of ritual pre-dance class. Or maybe treat the body things I’m doing as taking a home-repairs course?
My commitment.
To experiment. To ask creative, loving questions. To release expectations. To feel what it’s like to decide to be at home.
Thing 5: opening registration for the Great Ducking Out 2012!
Here’s what I want:
The Great Ducking Out Thanksgiving Rally in November is completely sold out.
If you wanted to come and didn’t sign up in time, ask the First Mate to put you on a waiting list. I can’t make any promises, but you never know.
And now I’d like to open registration for 2012 (the Great Ducking Out III) by next week.
Ways this could work:
Use the Chicken Board at my Kitchen Table program.
Ask for help.
My commitment.
To do some systems work and figure out what changes I want to make. To order the pies!
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
I wanted a delightfully kooky throne-like chair and have not found one yet. But I’ve got some good leads.
Then I wanted SLEEP, and there was much napping. Hooray! Though, really, I could also use some more. Re-asking this one.
There was an ask about replacing the video on the Shiva Nata site, which desperately needs to happen. Several people offered their services, and I’m going to need to look into that this week as soon as I recover from derby.
And I wanted to un-whisper, and I am getting closer!
Then there was an ask for a toaster for the Playground, and I am still asking for recommendations/connections. Though Cairene gave us a thing to use once we have the toaster, and it’s awesome. Yay, VPAs!
Play-filled comment zen. Here’s what I’d love today.
- Wanted: Your own personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like.
- You can also do these on your own or in your head. You can always call silent retreat!
- Leave your gwishes! Throw things in the pot!
- Things we try to keep away from: the word “manifest”, telling people how they should be asking for things, unsolicited advice.
- VPA amnesty applies, of course. Leave yours any time between now and next Sunday (or whenever, really) — it’s all fine by us!
xox
Follow
Oh havi! I might have a Denver venue for you but I’ll need some details. Should I email the 1st mate?
Maybe we can have a simultaneous Shiva Nata for kids class? (Assuming the space can be found…) I would happily volunteer to teach it!! And of course, being kids, they could wander in and out of the flailing, playing, etc.
Plus Danielle is now teaching Shiva Nata at a school, so by the time this rolls around she’ll be a super fantastic expert.
Yay for Derby!
And lots of VPAs for me that I’m silent retreating on.
Hurrah huraah for this weeks VPA´s!
Progress report – there was progress on all my wishes from last week. Yaaaaaaaay I´d love to get even a bit further with them so rephrasing this week 🙂
1. agent of progress
Last week, I wanted visibility of progress. I kept got some nice ideas on how to keep my progress visible to myself. what i´d also like is exactly that – I´d like to be the queen of my research and not give that power away to my supervisor again.
essences: souvereignty, dignity, enoughness
ways it could work – this one is mostly internal. i could take some time to write about it. i could set up the boundaries and defend the queendom. i´m also open to see or find ways to make this easier for me.
2. fun/moving/simplicity
Last week I wanted something fun; simple answers and moving again. I´d love more of that.
Essence – lightheartedness, play, community, finding back the fun
ways it could work – keeping play on the agenda is a big one that should help in itself. reading books.
3. progress on a nice plan for traveling
i am gathering up ideas and inspirations. i´d love somre more concrete leads/thinking for what i want (post-phd travel/volunteer work)
essence – zen, spirituality, connection
ways it could work – internet research. talking to people. keeping an inspiration folder. something surprising could happen
my commitment – to listen carefully to the essence of this wish
My Very Personal Ad:
What I want: to not waste any more time dealing with certain negative people
Ways this could work: I could read what they say and then forget it. Or I could delete their communications unread. Or I could block their email.
My commitment: To give up my “need” to have the last word and just stop engaging.
Thing I want:
Gosh, I guess I’m even scared to put it down. I’m auditing a graduate level class this quarter (I finished my bachelors in June of 06 and haven’t taken a class in my major since or really used my Spanish). Tonight is the first night. I’m excited and nervous and I want it to go well.
Ways this could work:
I arrive early. I bring my book and my notebook and plenty of pens. I am friendly and take notes while the professor lectures. I already emailed the professor last week to remind him that he okay’ed me auditing the class earlier this summer.
My commitment:
I will leave work at 3pm so I can make the 30 minute drive, find parking, and get to the class early. I will try not to get nervous/scared.
Thing 2:
A pretty free flow chart app so that I can do my own choose your own adventure story because it’s fun being part of a larger one. I would prefer it be google docs compatible, but they don’t seem to have a flowchart mod… unless anyone knows otherwise?
WTCW:
one of the ones that shows up on google can be pretty and work and flexible enough for me. And I can just pdf it into my google docs?
I commit to:
investigating the different free apps that are available or maybe just drawing this out by hand?
Hmm, last week I wanted my ships to find a port. And they did not. They are still traveling to distant lands. Or maybe they are just the kinds of ships that sail around and never find a port. And that’s ok, too.
And I wanted space around a boy. Which I did not get. But I did get lots of lovely at home time which made me very happy.
This week I’d like:
Arrival. The arrival of checks in the mail.
Clarity. Over some things.
Maybe some time with that boy. Or another one I don’t know about yet.
The inspiration to write a good ad that will bring in business.
To tired to think about the how and wherefores.
The concept of your body as where you live totally struck a chord with me. I constantly beat myself up when I fall off my routine, or somehow “fail” to meet my personal (fitness, health, etc.) goals. So I appreciated the image of not hating the whole house if the porch is falling down concept, or to resent it for not being what it was before. My body is certainly changing, and my chronic foot issue is a serious challenge. So this is good, healing stuff that will stay with me. I hope!
I didn’t plan on VPAing because I didn’t think I had anything to say, but I got drawn in…
My VPA is, quite simply, to enjoy my week. The good and the bad. The challenging and the relaxing. I work half a week, and have vacation the other half. I don’t want to just suffer through the week till vacation. Neither do I want to dread coming back from vacation. I want to be present through all of it. My commitment is to take deep relaxing breaths, to stretch, to do some yoga (whenever, wherever), to be present, and to be good to myself in as many ways as I can think of.
Jazz hands and applause for everybody and their processes and wishes…
For me:
(1) Re-ask on ENGAGEMENT. In some senses, it totally worked–I got more than nothing done and on two days was really satisfied at the end of the day. But there’s still SO MUCH STUFF TO CATCH UP ON and I still did a lot of procrastinating.
How:
I could be motivated by the great feeling of getting SOME done and it could keep rolling.
I could find places to work that improve my productivity, probably by moving a table into a room away from the television.
My commitment:
To continue with the realistic to-do lists.
More reading in the bathtub while scrubbing my heel calluses! This was amazing.
To focus on a couple of things at a time. (Am I going to overhaul my exercise habits while adjusting to/catching up with school? No.)
(2) More progress on ABUNDANCE. I had a sounds-dumb epiphany about some-over-none/whose-expectations-are-these? that I want to keep working with.
How?
Into the pot.
(3) RE-ASK: HOUSE=HOME. Only a little tangible progress, but some preliminary steps happened (trip to Home Depot! discussion of housecleaning routine!).
My commitment:
To use the hour we scheduled tonight on this stuff.
(4) To get some clarity/relief on CRAZY RAGE and stop doing the scary lashing-out thing to the person who loves me.
How this could happen?
Write (more) about it.
Mull about it.
Pledge about it.
Think up things I can do when I start to get rage-y.
My commitment:
To take it to my therapist.
To write about it (which already helped!).
Here’s what I want:
An RV. To travel the country in, visit my family more often, see the continent, and (not incidentally) get out of Tennessee.
Ways this could work:
I could sell a lot of soap, thus making enough money to buy an RV.
Someone could spontaneously give me an RV (or enough money to buy one).
I could get a loan, either from my mother or another relative, or from the bank.
My commitment.
I will continue making soap. I will ask for a loan (I’m having a lot of resistance to this). I will keep checking Craigslist and other places to find a suitably good/inexpensive RV. And probably most importantly, I won’t say ‘but I’m not worthy of that’ if somehow or another it all comes together that this happens for me.
@Havi Boulder/Denver is my neck of the woods.
Off the top of my head, you might try Kakes Studios in Boulder for a space to rent for your Shiva Nata class http://www.kakesstudios.org/
Or for something really unique, rent part of the Boulder Museum of Contemporary Art http://www.bmoca.org/
If the Trusty First Mate has details on the type of hotel you might like, I am happy to make suggestions.
Had great fun celebrating MrB’s survival this weekend. He made it to 60!
I was trying to talk to myself with a funny accent and hard work came out ‘ard vork and then aardvark. Some of my iguanas are aardvarks and some of the aardvarks are iguanas. I’m scrambling the animal kingdom – surely that will create some new patterns!
VPAs for this week:
Thing 1: Recovery!
What I want: it’s been a busy few weeks, with going to Portland and the Rally, all the work before and after that week to prepare for MrB’s survival celebration, then the celebration itself, plus the disruptions related to the garage work. Happy but tired, knee not much better, needing to recover physically and still keep the positive happy inquisitive caring creative Rallytude.
Ways this could happen:
Pacing myself.
Plan some quiet fun that involves sitting down with my leg up.
Do stuff online.
Start writing down family stories from Mike and me for our son and his family, preferably with accompanying pictures.
Lots of napping.
Focus on healthy living.
My commitment:
To rest.
To read.
To check in with friends.
To write.
To call about physical therapy* for my knee.
To do things that are good for me: enough water, eating fruits and salads, to walk and exercise gently.
*Between writing that and posting it, I made the call and the doctor wants me to see an orthopedist first, and that is scheduled for Wednesday. The essence of that part of the ask was for relief from knee pain so there’s that VPA already answered.
Thing 2: Work!
What I want: to deal with some aardvarks and other iguanas that have clustered upstairs and are probably creating lots of guano… and certainly impeding any creative activity in that space.
Thing 3: Routines and Rituals
What I want: I want to establish or re-establish or continue routines and rituals to begin and end the day, and during the day. Rituals are important! Having routines means you don’t have to keep thinking about what to do when bur things get done. So I want them!
Ways this could work:
I could pay attention to what happens when things go smoothly, to make that a routine. E.g. if I review pronunciation at the beginning of class and students tend to pronounce words more clearly, then I can make that part of the beginning of class routine, along with taking roll, etc.
I could try things.
I could review things that I have done in the past.
My commitment:
To pay attention.
To take notes.
To be curious and loving.
Hooray for the Denver/Boulder visit! Maybe we can have a Rallion/Shivanaut/Havi-Selma-Schmoppet-fan-club meetup. 🙂
Ooohhh!!! You’re coming to CO!!!
Yay!!!!
(Ok… I’ve probably used up my allotment of exclamation points for today, but I’m pretty sure I didn’t use all of yesterdays… and if necessary I’ll borrow some from tomorrow because
Havi!!!!
Shiva Nata!!!!!
In COLORADO!!!!!
OK… so I’ll lay of the exclamation points and we’ll be in touch about logistics and such!
YAY!!!!!!!!!!
We do a wonderful little Secret Book Club for Kids at the Treehouse bookstore in Ashland OR. I bet it would translate great as a companion to Rally, since we had our parents work on Secret Projects while the kids where Secret Book Clubbing. I’m thinking declaring one super special Projectizing Rally for Parents would be a good way to test the proverbial creative waters of how this could work.
Aardvarks!!! Inwanna iguana aardvarks!! YES!!!!! That’s hilarious. Hilarity ALWAYS helps.
Gwishes based on curiosity and being in the process and coming from a place of feeling looked after ANYWAY ommnomomnomooommmmm
Thing 1
To investigate my relationship with compulsive self-indulgence vs genuine self-care
I have a pattern of choosing to take the one marshmallow now instead of getting three which are conditional on waiting two minutes. Ie. my relationship with delaying gratification and self-sabotage.
Which is really about trust and feeling looked after anyway. Asteya and aparigraha. Worthiness.
Thing 2
To investigate the questions why not easy? why not now?
Om baby.
Haven’t done this for a while…
VPA #1:
Here’s what I want: to get some (fiction) writing done, easily and with flow. Actually, specifically I want to get a particular story all edited and done. (Would getting *other* writing done also count? hm hrm.)
Ways this could work: magic stuck-dissolving could happen. I could take it super-slowly. I could find some methods that really support me in doing this. I could get inspired and do it all at once. I could find another place to work for a bit and that might help.
My commitment: to keep being aware of this, and to allow myself to explore options. And to be gentle with myself about things that don’t work out so well.
VPA #2:
Here’s what I want: some more article commissions, in new & exciting areas.
Ways this could work: I could send some ideas out; I could look for new opportunities (e.g. by keeping an eye on that daily email update); something could come up; someone could get in touch with me; I could get repeat commissions from places I’ve worked for before; something else I haven’t thought of yet.
My commitment: to remain open to possibilities; to go looking for options; to send some pitches this week.
Hi Havi –
Do you know Waylon Lewis of elephant Journal, which has a yoga focus? http://www.elephantjournal.com/. He’s in Boulder. I sent him a note, but you could also contact; perhaps elephant would make a good partner.
I hope you have the most fun ever.
You know what I realized? VPAs come true! Although in very sneaky ways that make you go, “….ooohhhhhHHH!! that happened!”
My VPAs: not really ‘stuff’ per se, but just qualities that I wish to invite into my life for the coming week.
1. better-equipped, more spacious and more loving helper mouse capacity.
2. To engage lovingly, gratefully and energetically in the different forms of coaching and teaching I’m receiving nowadays.
3. I’ve been riding a good wave of being super nice and super friendly with myself, which leads to magical things like the dissolving of procastination and walls and compulsive, painful habits. For this to continue.
4. Peace, relief and healing for the two people very close to me who are suffering tremendously right now.
I have a meeting with one of my daughter’s teachers today. I would like to feel calm, comfortable and confident throughout the meeting, and would also like to establish a good rapport and connect with this teacher. There are only ten minutes allotted for this meeting, so I’ll want to find my groove pretty quickly.
How it can happen: I can use some of the tools I’ve learned here: calming techniques, the alignment exercise, invoking superpowers. I can spend some time before the meeting thinking about the points I want to cover, and write them down (or even draw them!) and just before I go in, I can take a few minutes to call upon the qualities I want to have.
My commitment: Love and sovereignty.
I haven’t been here in so long.. 3 weeks.. 6.. weeks? Okay. I’m back and it’s tuesday and it doesn’t matter..
Hmm.. I still remember that writing VPAs = put on lip gloss..
Thing 1: Job Halp!
Here’s what I want:
To cut a long story short; I need money and certain volunteering/job experience by December 1st.
I need volunteering experience in mental health – covering aspects i’ve yet to experience. My placement ended today and my “replacement” has kind of fallen through thanks to the cuts to health services.
I’m asking for magical money and experience opportunities which fit in with my degree and current work schedules.
Ways this could work:
-People can sign up to my Shivanata and Reiki sessions? –The skype sessions can take off?
-I’ve applied for three volunteering placements.. my favourite two could accept?
-I could get new opportunities form uni on friday – either form new students or staff.
My commitment.
-To check regularly
-To ask around
-To be open to anything
-To keep my calendars updated
-To dance
Thing 2: To Get Back into my Body
Here’s what I want:
I want to get back to regular exercise – strength, flexibility and healing physio for my knees and back.
I want to get back into meditation and yoga alongside this.
Ways this could work:
– Dance
– Meditate at University
– Reiki?
– Do yoga in my room
– Maybe my friend will begin teaching yoga again, though I’d need to earn money to cover this cost
My commitment.
To be creative
To find a way
To gift my body with time
I will be silent retreating this one but wish all the love in the world and all the gwishes to come true.