23 Comments

1. 

   Simone on October 16, 2011 at 9:18 am

   VPA Time!!

   Oy, it’s been a crazy week filled with lots of monsters and walls and exhaustion and magical new friendships and rest and forgiveness and ease. Things do happen like this.

   Thing I want: More wonderful enthusiastic people to go hiking with us for School Therapy!
   For anyone in my greater circles who has school-related stucknesses to find me and go “eeeeee!!!” and sign up.

   How this could work: people could continue to find me through facebook and twitter (and here!) and plugs from the lovely MaryAnn. people could find me through the ad I just put up. or the flyers that I am supposedly putting up around the city.

   My commitment: To prepare for the our first tele-hike with so much loving dedication. To radiate out the intention for this to be AMAZING into the universe. To keep reminding people when I can. To do yoga nidra and shiva nata on all aspects of this adventure.

   —-

   Another thing I want: to ‘exit the middle’. (you know, referring to Havi’s post from..er… god-knows-when. about being in the middle, the nether-region where you’re just stuck and stagnant and complacent and cut off from your sovereignty.) I’ve been feeling this way in my yoga practice, self-care routines and my muggle job. Big time. So much going on in my life and Freckled Brilliance that it’s been hard to take care of ALL aspects of my life. Now is the time.

   How this could work: return to my rituals. create new rituals. do yoga nidra on this. ask Slightly Future Me how I transitioned back.

   My commitment: to do this with disciplined niceness, as Claire says. Without beating myself up. Just observing and creating openings and gently channeling the full extent of my energies. Remembering that All Aspects of my inner kingdom need to be supported and nourished.

   Reply
2. 

   Tapley on October 16, 2011 at 10:14 am

   So, SO looking forward to the Art of Embarking tomorrow. Just sayin’ 🙂

   OK, here we go.

   Thing 1: To go to Rally
   Here’s what I want:
   I want the money to book my spot at a 2012 rally. Also, it’s really important to my husband to be with his mom on the first anniversary of his dad’s death, which is less than 2 months away, so really I want enough money to cover that plane ticket and rally tuition. So, yeah, $1000 of extra income would be lovely. 🙂

   Ways this could work:
   Josh could have some freelance stories running soon.
   The needed plane ticket could become crazy cheap.
   Creative bookkeeping.
   Pennies from Heaven.

   My commitment.
   To be open to perfect simple solutions.
   To remember all the times in the past when I’ve somehow found money for something I wanted when logic indicated that there was no way this could happen.
   To appreciate my husband’s commitment and loyalty to his loved ones.
   To walk around saying Rally(Rally!) with jazz hands.

   Thing 2: A healthy knee; no fear
   Here’s what I want:
   My recent hiking trip to Canada, while fabulous, managed to jack up my right knee – a joint that has a history of being problematic. It has since improved, which is nice, but now I am scared of hurting it more. I want to be able to work out at the gym, dance, and plan more fabulous hiking trips, all without worrying about my knee.

   Ways this could work:
   I could dig up what Havi has posted about approaching an issue from several angles at once.
   I could do some Shiva Nata to try figure out why I have not yet called the doctor about this.
   I can buy some new hiking boots.

   My commitment.
   To try things.
   To be as kind to myself and my knee as I can stand.

   Reply
3. 

   Jesse on October 16, 2011 at 10:27 am

   Eep. Is this ME Jesse you’re speaking too? (Eep!) And if there is another Jesse in Portland who knows Havi, then clearly we need to meet and Zombie Thriller could facilitate that 🙂 I have never done zombie thriller but suspect it is also a good opportunity to wear my favorite red wig! I would also need to 1) learn the dance, 2) figure out who will have the little llama that night.

   I credit Shiva Nata’s powers of balance, coordination and destuckifying for helping me take my ballet class this year! Not sure if that’s the kind of athlete thing you’re looking for, but there it is 🙂

   vpa one

   I want to complete my project and launch it into the world.

   How this could work: I can continue to find the small pockets of time during the day to work on the illustrations. And pockets of time today (today!) to complete the prototype and photograph it. I could find out, once I’m in it, that there is actually less left to do than I fear. I could

   My commitment: To keep giving my project what it needs. To try out some super hard Level 4 for the final stretches. To give love to all the parts of me that are scared of finishing, or of not finishing. To be okay with how it happens and when it happens. To appreciate all the support I’ve received and progress I’ve accomplished so far.

   vpa two

   What I want: to figure out Halloween. All of its schedule conflicts, emotional stucknesses, desires and needs.

   Ways this could work: I could feel okay with skipping ballet class even though the idea makes me tremendously sad. I could figure out what is hiding inside that sadness. I could magically find out that I can do both trick or treating AND ballet class. I could hear from family members about when they might show up. I could ask for support covering candy costs. I can do some journaling around what I want it to be and figure out how to support that.

   My commitments: To connect to the fun parts. To do lots of stretching and dancing in the hard and the soft. To get excited about my rainbow costume (rainbow! costume!). To let go of obligations (especially family obligations) and relax into what feels right. To let the space (our trick or treat neighborhood house) hold the container for what needs to happen, and not get stressed about my body and mind holding the container. To set up little clues and trails (automatically cooked soup!) that will help me feel supported on the day before, the day of, and the day after. Support support support.

   xo to all the VPAers!

   Reply
4. 

   Gadgetgirl on October 16, 2011 at 11:43 am

   In just a few short days I fly to New York City for a workshop related to my dissertation. The anxieties are running high. What if I don’t like any of the people that I will be spending 3 days with? What if they are critical of my work? What will I eat (I’m gluten/dairy/soy free)? What if it is too noisy, crowded, etc? What if….. you get the picture.

   My want:
   To be open to the experience. This could be a key opportunity to move the analysis of the data I have collected forward. I will have the opportunity to work closely with experts in the methodology I am using.
   To stay centered and grounded and not do a face plant into junk food as a futile means to alleviate the anxieties.

   Ways this could work:
   + Remember to exercise daily – the hotel has a very nice workout room!
   + Take a walk in Central Park – I’m only a couple of blocks away
   + Pack some gluten-free baked goods in my suitcase so that I have safe treats that are both tasty and support my body
   + To remind myself that the other participants most likely have the same anxieties about their work
   + To remind myself that I can take from the seminar what works for me and leave the rest there
   + To breathe and to remember if it gets too overwhelming that I can retreat to the privacy of my room (I’m NOT staying with anyone).

   My commitment:
   + To be gentle with myself
   + To go into this process with curiosity
   + To be open to the doors this may open and to the connections in the field this may build
   + To email my fears to my best friend who always can help me get grounded

   Have a great week!

   Reply
5. 

   kim on October 16, 2011 at 1:28 pm

   Hey, hey, VPA! (channeling my inner cheerleader?)

   Anyway.

   Last week – ugh. In a nutshell — Mom is out of the clinical trial — cancer continues to spread and her brain tumors are multiplying + are “angry”…. so, no more cancer treatment for Mom. Decided she is going to make the most of what is left of her life and she is going on a World Domination Tour. She left Tuesday and is with my sister. I’m (a) in shock and (b) alone, alone, alone. Happy/sad/relieved/horrified.

   What I want:

   To use this break to get back in touch with who I am apart from Mom’s caregiver, without sliding into depression.

   Ways this could work:

   I could make self-care a priority.
   I can make sure to see my therapist at least once a week, even though money is super-tight.
   I can journal, journal, journal + blog.
   I could actually exercise instead of thinking about exercising.
   I could go to yoga.
   I could make sure to watch my diet and keep taking my supplements.

   My committment:

   To stay open to ways to take care of myself. To notice what makes me sparkle. To be loving towards me. To acknowledge that I’m grieving and be ok with that.

   What I want:

   I have to pack up our entire house and move by the end of the month. I want this process to go smoothly. I want to not get paralyzed and overwhelmed by the job. I want to not have it take over every second of my life between now and then.

   Ways this could work:

   I can schedule in breaks (like therapy, exercise, Jin Shin, yoga, walks, reading, writing)

   Help could magically appear.

   I could ask for help.

   I could make up a big “master plan” and follow it (ha, soooooo, not my style)

   I could committ to making baby steps even when I’m feeling overwhelmed.

   I could somehow not feel even the littlest bit resentful about doing it all.

   My commitment:

   I will be nice to myself. This is a huge job. It’s a huge job without the emotional context, with the emotional stuff it is massive. I will be gentle, I will be open to receiving all kinds of support. I will laugh.

   xoxo to all the VPAers here and wherever 🙂

   Reply
6. 

   Laura on October 16, 2011 at 1:48 pm

   Cheering you on about the roller derby shiva nata connection VPA.
   Happy for you to use my words from the KT about this in any way you like or send me some questions, or or or. any way i can help… let me know.

   Reply
7. 

   seagirl on October 16, 2011 at 4:09 pm

   What I wanted last week: To be clear(er)(ish) about this Boy. And what I want. And what and how I want to be when I’m with a boy. I wanted alone time with him to figure this out.

   I got alone time. And figured it out – I like him. And I sort of thought he liked me. But then, like last time, the momentum died. And then there was a weird lack of communication. And now I don’t know what there is. And the time hasn’t come to say “what’s going on here” because the time hasn’t come to say “I like you and want something to go on.”

   So this week I’d like courage. And clarity. And a voice to speak with to say what I feel. And a heart to open and soften to whatever there is. Or isn’t.

   I would also like my hoop taping skills to get better.

   Reply
8. 

   Chuck on October 16, 2011 at 4:22 pm

   Also excited for the Art of Embarking tomorrow! Yay!

   First, updates on previous/ongoing VPAs (written in my heart or spoken to friends but not shared here):

   ? Crossing the Line. Ohh how I (g)wished for this. Wrote about it, thought about it, talked about it, racked my brain about it, monster-negotiated about it. And just when I was certain it wouldn’t work out this year, stuff happened and now I am going!!! SO EXCITED.

   ? Traveling circus of art and fun and making-things-better. As in, I want to be one. Have wanted, since kidhood. And I’m still not entirely sure what that looks like, how it’s done or what it’s called or if I’m up to the task. But talking to a friend on the phone this week, she pointed out the ways that I’m actually kind of already doing it. And I just about fell over from surprise and glee and eye-rolling at my own obliviousness. More proof that I don’t have to feel like I know what the hell I’m doing in order to move forward! Yes! I’m still absorbing this, it’s really just the beginning, but somehow recognizing this felt like a huge step forward.

   Okay. On to new VPAs!

   ? Thing I want: Preparation for this next trip. Which involves a lot of stuff in the next few days – reservations and logistics, internal prep work (more yay for the Art of Embarking!), and a much shorter timeframe for the client website relaunch I’m doing this week than I’d originally planned. And I really dislike feeling rushed, so I want this all to happen naturally, easily, and unhurried-like. But also soon.

   ? Ways this could work: I could add shiva nata to the planning. I can use all the good things I know I’ll learn from Monday’s call. I can go to a cafe to work on stuff, especially the cozy one with no internet, so as not to be distracted.

   ? My commitment: To support myself as much as possible, with breaks and sleep and task-appropriate Pandora stations and other stuff that helps me be calm and focused.

   ? Thing I want: To be living in Portland. Or, in accordance with the gypsy desire above, to establish some kind of semi-permanent home base in Portland. Sooner rather than later. I have a lot of stuck about this, a lot of limiting beliefs and fears. So I guess what I really want is more working on my relationship with the idea of moving to Portland.

   ? Ways this could work: I could do more thinking and writing on this, OOD-style, post-shiva nata. More loving & exploring of Portland while I’m there next week. I could talk with Slightly Future Me. I could rewrite the story of past big scary moves, and remind myself of the ways now is not then. I could reread my notes on this from September Rally. I could just spontaneously become okay with this.

   ? My commitment: To build me some new safe rooms. To be gentle with myself, to remind me that there’s time. To experiment. To use my Playground Possibility spray!

   Oh my gosh this is long. Love to you all!

   Reply
9. 

   Chuck on October 16, 2011 at 4:25 pm

   Ahaha. Those ?s were supposed to be fun Unicode checkmarks and arrows and stuff. Though it’s kinda fun to read them as a little catlike “Prrr?” before each item. XD

   Reply
10. 

    Hannah on October 16, 2011 at 4:30 pm

    I love the term ‘dark time’. That just sounds perfect.

    *** UPDATE ***

    Looking at last week’s VPA’s, I did move more as I started running and surprised myself. I also had inspiration for a plan/timeline overview for myself.

    There was less progress on writing and revue-ing. So I might rephrase that.

    *** Thing 1 – Guilt-free working ***

    The situation – working on a dissertation makes me feel like I should always be working. And when I don’t, I feel guilty and pressure builds up.

    What I’d like – less guilt, more fun, more dedication.

    Ways it could work – not sure. I could keep track of what I did do. I could work on structure. I could follow rabbit holes. I could write permission slips.

    My commitment – to stay playful. to experiment. to listen. to be open to finding unexpected ways in which this could work. to open my heart to simple solutions as much as I can.

    *** Thing 2 – Continued ‘island time’

    The situation – so much happened over the past year and I am still in recovery. I can feel I am getting better after a few weeks at home but I am not ready to jump back into too much stress.

    What I’d like – continued quiet times. no new social appointments, no new emails, no organizing.

    Ways it could work – the little bit of traveling I have to do can just fall into place. I can continue to cut myself slack. I could commit to not being socially active this winter.

    My commitment – to be gentle. as much as i can. to practice self=forgiveness (as much as I can). to follow the rabbit holes and go where i need to go and find what feeds me.

    *** blowing happy wishes to all the VPA mice 🙂 ***

    Reply
11. 

    MartinaJ. on October 16, 2011 at 4:35 pm

    VPA one

    What I want:

    I would like a graceful, gentle, energizing last meeting with my academic supervisor before I leave for Hong Kong. With words of encouragement and support instead of doubt and requests and criticism.

    Ways this could work:

    + I could meditate on this today and tomorrow, maybe with the intention of talking to the monster who is afraid of confrontation and presenting my work to others.
    + I could think of the idea of conscious entry (totally new to me) and try to calm and center and ground myself and make myself as comfortable as I can possibly be before the meeting (this would involve treating myself like a princess and giving myself safety and security).
    + I can focus on what I have done instead of what I haven’t done (a.k.a. *honoring my achievements*). I can plan carefully on what I want to say and what I don’t want to say (even writing it out!) to steer the conversation toward the subjects that are comfortable for me.
    + my supervisor could be in a very kind, caring mood that day.

    My commitment:

    I will be kind and open and gentle and loving with myself. I will meet my insecurities with encouragement. I will try to give myself all the things I wish I could have from my supervisor.
    I will think of all the times that meetings like this have gone okay in the past.
    I will pay attention to being grounded and secure, and I will do my best to ensure that what I say comes from a place of security.

    VPA two (VERY VERY SCARY, I better write this down right now before I lose my nerve)

    Even though I don’t know what I would even ask for…
    AND even though I don’t believe that there is any way on earth that this would ever work…

    …I would like to find happiness with my studying again. I understand that this might take a while, but I would like it if it were within the next six to nine months.

    Ways this could work:

    + I could meet a really really kind, loving, compassionate therapist in Hong Kong who has the perfect method to help me get destuckified from this particular piece of stuck.
    + I could find a class on the Internet and find out that it is exactly what I need and thereby heal my stuckness.
    + I could have a crazy epiphany on the exactly perfect way to treat this stuckness and heal it all by myself.
    + It could be a surprise. I’m willing to be surprised, as long as it’s not a terribly painful one like a brain injury or something of that sort.

    My commitment:

    I will find a way to use my newly-reinstated super powers and super smartness for the good of others (such as my students, if I ever get any. But also others in general).

    I will be patient with myself. I will do my best to accept that I need to wait for the right moment until this stuckness is ready to resolve itself. I will do my best to accept the fact that this stuckness is a part of me, and that it is not “messing up my plans”. THIS is my plan (even though I don’t really know what it is yet).

    (I’m a little confused about the commitment part. Is it more like a “if this works, I commit to…” or a “I commit to these things that might help the thing that I want to really happen”? I wasn’t sure, so I used a little bit of both. 🙂 )

    Reply
12. 

    Elizabeth on October 16, 2011 at 5:01 pm

    What I want: A trip that is full of ease and spaciousness. Also joy. But I would especially like the travel part to feel easy and spacious.

    How this could work: I could go to sleep earlier on Monday. (Which would mean that I would need to do things earlier so that I *can* go to sleep.) I could go to the airport earlier than needed to avoid traffic. I could bring food. I could get out of my seat and walk/stretch.

    My commitment: I will do those things. Plus anything else that comes to mind.

    Reply
13. 

    larisa on October 16, 2011 at 6:40 pm

    Greetings!

    *What I Want:*
    To re-ask my ask of last week (which was for clarity, vision, ease, courage, etc as I do a whole bunch of in-the-soft stuff around my business – what it needs, where it wants to go…).

    Things *are* becoming clearer, in unexpected and rather bewildering ways. And more, much more, is needed. So Yay! Renewal it is! 🙂

    My best to all and your respective Asks! <3

    Reply
14. 

    Lynn on October 16, 2011 at 8:42 pm

    Hey Havi, I went to my first Derby last night at the place where the nationals will be. It was kooky and fun once I figured out {kind of} how the game is played. And, I figured out my Halloween costume–a zombie derby girl–for our party on Sat night. Fun! Denver has a huge zombie crawl this Saturday too. 7500 zombies.

    OK VPAs.

    The first thing I want: Fully booked grand opening party

    I want to book my last 2 sessions in my boudoir studio grand opening this Saturday. I’ve tapped out all my lists and I need universe intervention to make it so. I feel pressure to discount or throw in a freebie to book it out, but that would be detrimental to the clients who paid the full boat. And I don’t want discounters anyway.

    How it could work:
    + Tomorrow or Tuesday, 2 clients could book and pay for their session fee. I could simply get calls from people who have already heard about the sessions.
    + when I post it on Facebook and send it out to my list one last time, a client could book with me.
    + one client could want more than one look and be willing to pay for it, and therefore booking both slots
    + the woman from the coffee shop yesterday could send my announcement to her clients who are looking for boudoir and they could book the sessions

    My commitment:
    To not panic. To breathe. To relax and let it happen. To TRUST that my life is unfolding gently and as it should. and to send out one {or maybe 2} more direct emails to people I know are on the fence.

    The next thing I want: A Nikon D700 and the money to buy it with {first of course}

    The Japanese earthquake knocked the factory that makes these offline and they’re really hard to find. Also, they cost almost $3,000 and I don’t have that money right now. But this is the camera that will make my business truly professional and take my photos to the next level. I don’t just want it, I need it.

    But I also can’t go into further business debt to get it.

    How it could work:
    Two sales of my biggest boudoir or portrait packages would solve the money issue. So, I need those people to book with me in the next two months.

    Or four sales of my next largest packages would solve the money issue.

    Then, I could reach out to Jen at Mike’s Camera to put me on her search list–since the woman I bumped into in the coffee shop yesterday told me to do it {since she got hers that way}.

    Or, I could call a few other stores to see if they’re doing similar searches.

    My commitment:
    To stay focused on being positive. To not buy what I don’t have money for. To do some visualization around both the bookings and the camera.

    The last thing I want: My period.

    I’m out of whack. Again. I need my body to get back on rhythm.

    How it could work:
    I have no idea.
    Re-order the anti-stress stuff that was working well in the spring maybe.
    Take walks this week.
    Get another massage maybe.

    My commitment:

    Reply
15. 

    Lynn on October 16, 2011 at 8:44 pm

    grr internet.

    My commitment:
    to listen to my body this week.
    to do 3 nurturing things for my body this week.
    to order the stuff and give it a try again.

    Reply
16. 

    VickiB on October 16, 2011 at 8:44 pm

    Openings to create more of what I want…
    Closings, finishing things off…
    Letting go of what is no longer needed…
    Not accepting what I don’t need or want…
    Remembering and forgetting
    Practical intelligence, using what I know…
    Connecting and reconnecting…

    Setting things up for Future Me…
    While taking care of Me Now.
    Movement, physical and metaphorical, and being proactive…

    Obviously I’m leaving out the explain-ey stuff. Throwing it all in the pot!

    Reply
17. 

    Kirsty on October 17, 2011 at 2:25 am

    Good morning everyone, good morning Monday, good morning week. Hope all is well.

    My other half is away this week and I want to have an okay time while she is gone. This looks like going to bed at a decent hour and not just eating tinned soup. Cold tinned soup.

    My commitment is to make the effort and be kind to myself.

    Secondly, I need to complete the first draft of my entry for a screenwriting competition- and it needs to be done this week. That means a lot of 5am starts but it doesn’t mean I can’t do it with kindness.

    My commitment is to remember that I LOVE writing in the early morning and it is a priviledge to be able to do so. And not to panic.

    Have a wonderful week everyone xx

    Reply
18. 

    Claire P on October 17, 2011 at 3:09 am

    Radical acceptance / Radical responsibility.

    Courage. To remember it’s not about me!!

    To provide myself with equal measures of legitimacy and understanding and loving discipline (Yes-No-Yes). To invoke my best-parenting skills (for me!) ie. to not go ape-shit at myself when I resist/ignore/make excuses/disobey/throw a tanty but to notice my own behaviour and see it for what it is: child-like behaviour of child-like parts of my I-self. To parent these parts of myself appropriately.

    To ‘midwife*’ my I-self, our life and our mission from god. (*Care for, oversee and guide, organise help as needed, step back and let what needs to happen, happen, while helping and supporting my I-self through the scary and overwhelming and painful bits of the process).

    Into the pot, with love and surrender.

    Reply
19. 

    Melissa on October 17, 2011 at 10:28 am

    Good morning everyone! Happy Monday ~ or ya know if you don’t hold with happy mondays, then at least a good monday 😉

    **Thing I want**

    Health and safety and spaciousness.

    **Ways this could work**

    idk. set up a drs appt for thursday afternoon for my health concerns. i guess for the spaciousness and safety i need to work on effective boundaries and such like. safety is tied up with the health things, so hopefully good stuff happens.

    **I commit to**

    dragging my husband to my dr’s appt and paying attention to my body. i also commit to establishing boundaries and being mindful.

    Reply
20. 

    Audrey on October 17, 2011 at 1:40 pm

    Hi Havi,

    Let me know how I can help! I’m down for whatever.

    Maybe I could poll my teammates about how much they don’t look forward to me hitting them (derby people) pre and post August shivanaut jazz 🙂

    Audrey

    Reply
21. 

    Kathleen Avins on October 17, 2011 at 9:04 pm

    Into the pot…

    …I’d like to remember my dreams more clearly, and write them in my journal, and work with them.

    …I’d like more energy, and also more rest. I’d love a nice little positive feedback look in which each of these things makes more space for the other.

    …I’d like a good beginning to this new work project I’ve got going.

    …This week, I’d like to feel: peaceful, compassionate, confident, shimmery, sparkly.

    Reply
22. 

    Rose on October 18, 2011 at 5:12 am

    I’ve been MIA from the Friday check-ins and VPAs; but I need a little magic this week so jumping back in here.

    Your Thing 2 reminded me to go find the image of me doing Shivanata on roller skates. It’s blurry but it made me smile.

    So..
    Thing 1: Nice, calm erm.. finalisations?
    Here’s what I want:

    This year I need to gain experience of mental health work. I applied for.. 17? placements. Only 4 are left on the cards. I had one interview today that went well, and have one tomorrow.
    It’s looking like the other 2 may come through too.

    I keep my word. I’ve got a very strong sense of honour and I’m interested in all these placements. However, I only have so many hours in the week. I need to earn money and I’m studying for postgraduate course; which requires lots of outside “homework” and reading.

    I’m terrified I’ll have to tell one of these placements “I’m sorry, but I can’t volunteer after all” – especially after an interview and having a friend put in a good word for me.

    I want a perfect, simple solution. I want to feel capable and enjoy the work; ideally I want one or two to turn me down. So that I don’t need to feel like I’m breaking my word and feel all guilty and self-hating.

    Ways this could work:

    I can be really honest on the final forms – about my time commitments – maybe check the small print and email to ask about it? Find a loophole?

    They could find someone better qualified.

    I could explore this notion of honour and my word – what have I exactly said? What word have I given?

    Erm.. I don’t know.. Simple solutions which hurt no one.

    My commitment.
    To pay attention to the language they use/ I use.
    To speak openly about my fears.
    To… trust that I will find the right way. To trust that they’re used to volunteers having to leave/suddenly not being able to attend.

    Thank you, VPA-safe-space.

    Reply
23. 

    Risa on October 19, 2011 at 10:43 am

    Delayed VPA this week – I’ve been recovering since Friday evening.

    UPDATE on last week’s VPA: Better Cash Flow indeed, WOW! I still can’t be specific about it, but received an amazing amount of support in that arena. Health is still an issue (though it’ll be fixed soon by the support from Thing #1) but I *have* been sleeping much better. I did get my finding superpower sort-of-back, enough to know it’s still there and will come back in full when the time is right. And finally, I discovered that my desire for socialness might not be truly what I need…

    Now, on to this week’s VPAs!

    Thing #1 – Forgiving Acknowledgement of What I Can and Cannot Do.

    I went to New York Comic Con because once upon a time it was fun, exciting, inspiring, and felt so inclusive and warm despite being packed with people. When I went this past Friday, it was crowded, pushy, isolating, and generally felt like that nasty shopping day after Thanksgiving. And so my Saturday & Sunday were just me being sick due to that adventure, and the past few days have been me putting my brain back in order.

    Sad-Past-Me says “Let’s remember not to do that again.” And this flows over most of the things I do in my life – remember what I can and can’t take.

    Ways This Could Work:
    – I could figure out how to reorganize my Book of Me so these notes about Things That Don’t Work For Me don’t get lost in a muddle.
    – I could figure out why I even set up my Book so that there’s a muddle anywhere inside it.
    – I could work on setting up my entry into anything I want to attend before I even pay for a ticket.
    – I could find a beautiful replacement for my cravings for social adventure and large-scale inspiration.

    My Commitment:
    – To be in my body more, in the present tense.
    – To find the pattern.
    – To keep my eyes open for non-stressful opportunities.

    Thing #2 – Release of Tension.

    The above situation has left me tense and off-kilter, and I’d like some release.

    Ways This Could Work:
    – My body could be more forthcoming about what it needs.
    – I could redeem that banya coupon this weekend.
    – It could simply require time, and release on its own.

    My Commitment:
    – To drastically reduce my caffeine intake, in case that’s part of it.
    – To mine the rich vein of sensation vs. location and see where it gets me.
    – To stretch more.
    – To go pay more attention to the changing of the season, in case.

    Thing #3 – To Gain the Courage to Speak.

    Friday could’ve been better if I’d just spoken up and asserted myself. I’ll leave it at that.

    Ways This Could Work:
    – I could breathe into it.
    – The things I need to Speak of most could end up on my dammit list.
    – It just could.

    My Commitment:
    – Do some stone skipping on it.
    – Shiva Nata it.
    – Work on self-forgiveness.

    * * *

    Loads of love, hope, and luck to all VPAs already expressed!

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