Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
Each week I write these VPAs to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.
I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!
It’s Sunday, you guys!
Not sure when that happened.
Of course you can VPA all week, if you like. Okay.
Thing 1: It’s happening. Shiva Nata workshop in Boulder!
Here’s what I want:
Guess what? I’m going to be teaching a two hour fun-crazy-wonderful destuckifying Shiva Nata workshop in Boulder, Colorado.
It’s going to be on Thursday, November 10.
3-5pm.
All levels welcome, including total beginners and people who have no idea what this is.
It’s going to be amazing.
What I want: 18 people! And for everyone to sign up in the next couple days, so that I don’t have to talk it up because I’m going to be running the Crossing this week and next week.
Ways this could work:
First off, I am going to give you the link so you can read all about it.
Then I am going to ask you for all your questions about this (or the questions you would have if you lived in or near Colorado).
So far all I’ve done is put up the page and also I told the Frolicsome Bar. And six people signed up right away, which is excellent.
Let’s see.
I can let people know at the local pub (yes, twitter).
And tell the much-neglected HAT list (aka Havi’s Announcing a Thing).
Tell the shivanauts. Update the Doing a Thing board posts at the Kitchen Table.
Put it up as an event on Facebook…
And of course, I can talk to slightly future me and find out how she did it. While wearing a costume!
My commitment.
To keep making my favorite not-funny joke.
Boulder? I hardly even know her. Ahahahahaaaa. COLORADO!
To be present for this. To be joyful about all the fabulous people I get to hang out with there.
To remember to wear my outrageously colorful shopkeeper’s hat when I’m telling people about this, because that makes everything easier and more fun.
And here’s the link again: http://ShivaNata.com/boulder
Thing 2: Advance planning, whoah! Crazy.
Here’s what I want:
For the past few years I’ve kind of taken advantage of the weird thing that is internet fame.
Mainly because I’m crazy-busy and also it’s just been the easy way.
Like announcing things five seconds before they start, because they’ll fill. See: the ask directly above this one.
Or forgetting to tell the announcement list about events/programs/special-weird-opportunities that are happening. And then people — rightfully — feel upset about having missed stuff. Sorry sorry!
It’s not fair to my people. And it’s not how I want to treat me-from-next-week either. It doesn’t go well with conscious entry, which is the thing I’m trying to live by.
So. I want to start announcing things way in advance, and giving everyone plenty of planning time. And I’m going to play with this.
Ways this could work:
Looking at what is working. It’s not all terrible. Steps are being taken!
A couple of the 2012 Rallies are already full.
We’ve already opened registration for NEXT November’s Great Ducking Out. As in, not next month but a year from then.
*waves to the brave signer-uppers who have a year to prepare for this*
And while my Crossing the Line 8 Day Voyage program starts this Toozday, you can already go ahead and apply for next October. Password: haulaway
Progress.
What else can I do?
Some stone skipping to find out what’s next. I can schedule the Rallies for 2013. I can finish the HAT for Shivanauticon…
My commitment.
To experiment and play.
To invoke the qualities of safety, exploration, permission, autonomy, form and preparation.
To notice how my teachings about FLOW (our quarterly theme at my Kitchen Table program) are related to this wish.
To have fun with this when I can. To forgive myself when I can’t. There’s probably a good reason for why the old way has been the way.
Thing 3: posties….
Here’s what I want:
So if I’m teaching straight for the next eight days, not sure when/how blog posts are going to get written.
But they just are.
That’s what I want.
Ways this could work:
I have a list of 16 post ideas at the Playground…
Could share some of the capers we’ll be doing.
Or bits from my journal.
Or this could just magically resolve itself in a perfect simple way.
My commitment.
To love this space for what it is: a safe place to process, experiment, discover and goof off.
To stay connected to the culture of the blog, the Playground, and the Crossing. To feel or remember how they’re all connected, knowing that they share the same qualities:
Freedom, amnesty, safety, sovereignty, play, wonder, delight, calm, peacefulness, creativity, possibility.
Thing 4: Calling all KT-ers, past and present.
Here’s what I want:
We extended the Rally sale for Kitchen Table mice, whether from this year’s KT or graduates from 2009 or 2010.
Through November 4th.
I’m not going to have time to do a lot of spreading the word, so I need the word to somehow spread itself.
Ways this could work:
Not sure yet. Obviously I’ll put it up at the KT. And I’m planting this here.
The link. Password: crackers
My commitment.
To find out where I’m stuck on this. To ask wise, loving questions. To be willing to be wrong. To throw confetti.
Thing 5: Nailing Thriller and then learning the Shim Sham
Here’s what I want:
I’m feeling pretty good about the Thriller dance.
At this point I can do it at full speed without watching the video as long as I have audio cues.
This week I’ll practice some more until I can do it without any help.
And then I want to learn the Shim Sham!
Ways this could work:
I’ll get to practice Thriller at Last Thursday, and then during the Zombie walk next weekend.
And I can practice on my own.
Plus I’ll do some Shiva Nata for extra fabulous-coordination-agility-hotness magic.
As for the Shim Sham? I’m putting here and will let the wish percolate for a while.
My commitment.
Grab and pull, punch-punch-punch-down!
Dance it up. Dance it up.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
I wanted to learn Thriller, and I did!
It took going to three different classes and studying the youtube videos, but I’ve got it and it looks great.
Then I wanted love notes from shivanauts who do roller derby. Which happened but then I didn’t do anything with them, so that’s the next step.
I wanted to Go Dark and run away, which sort of happened and sort of didn’t. But big progress happened on my secret hideaway, so I’m feeling good about that.
Also I wanted to plant surprises for slightly future me, and we worked on that all week. So that was pretty cool
I asked for lots of people for the Art of Embarking, and for it to be incredible. Both of those happened too. A pretty good week this time. Right on.
Play-filled comment zen. Here’s what I’d love today.
- Wanted: Your own personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like.
- You can also do these on your own or in your head. You can always call silent retreat!
- Leave your gwishes! Throw things in the pot!
- Things we try to keep away from: the word “manifest”, telling people how they should be asking for things, unsolicited advice.
- VPA amnesty applies, of course. Leave yours any time between now and next Sunday (or whenever, really) — it’s all fine by us!
xox
Follow
Update on last week’s VPA where I was concerned about my trip to New York. Short answer – all went fine. Good deli right across from my hotel, people at workshop were nice and supportive (imagine that!), my hotel room was 20 feet from the a very nice fitness room so I was able to keep up my workout routine. I even managed to lose 0.4 lbs for my weight watchers weigh-in which was a totally unexpected bonus. Best of all, I got unstuck on the analysis of my dissertation data and the thoughts were flowing freely yesterday as I was sitting in the airport and on the plane!
This week’s ask is for calmness when encountering a person who was a key player in the whole mess with my former boss.
Way’s this could work:
I can journal out all my frustrations over the whole mess and the tough spot it has left me in so that I won’t be tempted to spill to what could be a very sympathetic ear. It would be career suicide to do so.
My commitment:
To remember that I am a professional, that I can take the high road, that I don’t have to sink into the mess of the past, that I can chose when to engage and when to simply step aside.
Holy cow. Just found you and your site. I love how playful you are. I also love how you are asking for what you want. This is HUGE and something I’m starting to practice too. My very personal ad–I’m creating a drum circle in my town. I heart community and music and rhythm and dance.
I have been thinking about what I ask for and what I see others asking for, and the whole purpose of the VPAs.
And I’ve discovered that I have a pattern of wanting-and-resisting-what-I-want, so this week my Ask is for some insight and knowing around that pattern. I’d like to feel okay with wanting things, and with the resistance. I’d like to understand the resistance and the want, and the relationship between them.
I have some theories but I need deeper insights and understandings so I can get unstuck on this.
Ways this could happen: Shiva Nata! Journaling. Walking as much as my knee will let me. Planting it here. Setting things up for the things I want but doing it by proxy.
My commitment: Loving attention to what is going on.
When I repaired my son’s chairs recently, I used superglue for part of it; the package said that if you got glue on your fingers, to soak them in warm water and rub them gently until the glue came off. That is what I think I need for this Ask — the equivalent of warm water and gentle rubbing, and attention to the process.
Good wishes for everyone’s gwishes!
I haven’t done my VPAs in this space for a while, but today seems like a good day for that:
1st VPA Clarity about Procrastination around Dissertation
What I want is to understand what is keeping me from moving forward on the Diss.
I am reading the Procrastination Dissolv-o-Matic, that might give me some clues
I am ready to notice and note what the monsters are saying, how I behave, what I feel as trying to move on this.
I commit to being very gentle and to practice NVC with myself.
2nd VPA More Clarity about the direction I want for my life
I am having very mixed feelings around my future and wanting money on the one hand and fearing that that might stand in the way of me doing/finding my thing. Scarcity is an icky place to live.
I could find the clarity by just taking steps in the general direction as they present themselves. I could trust more. I could also finally get back to doing Shiva Nata.
I commit to structuring my environment so clarity can emerge on this.
——
This felt really good.
Last week’s asks:
Easy, unhurried preparation for my upcoming trip. This went so well it was scary. I kept looking at everything sideways, unbelieving and deeply worried. So – hooray that it worked! And perhaps now I want to look at the belief of “things just can’t be that easy”.
Working on my relationship with the idea of moving to Portland. This is ongoing, and kind of on the backburner as I prepare for my trip. But still simmering in a fractal flower sort of way. I’ve told more people about it, with interesting results. And there was dancing (Shivanautical & otherwise) to my travel-themed playlist, with Possibility spray galore!
~
And for this week, quickly throwing stuff into the pot before I go off to pack:
Clarity. Focus. Portable definition of home. Enthusiasm. Play! Confidence. Comfort. Flexibility. Discerning receptivity. Continued ease & ways to be okay with that. Trust that someday trust won’t be so hard. Fabulousness for Crossing the Line, which I suspect will help with all of the above. <3
Singing to the tune… “I wanna learn the Shim Sham (why ya wanna?)… so I can Shim Sham with you…” ! I have a VHS tape of Frankie Manning teaching it– wish I was closer so I could share it with you. Your VPA is reminding me that I always kind of wanted to learn the Dean Collins version that lots of people here in Cleveland do. Line dances– so much fun. Thank you, Havi, for reminding me I have this tape and can brush up for something fun to do 🙂
I haven’t VPAed here in forever; today feels like a good day to get back to it: there is stuff I want!
VPA #1
What I want: a dozen students for the Shiva Nata class I’m teaching this coming Saturday in Montreal.
Ways this could work:
– I know at least one or two people are coming; they could bring friends
– stars could align so that the people who weren’t sure yet if they could come will be able to be there
– someone who lives in Montreal (or who knows someone living there) may see this VPA here and either come or send people my way. If that’s you, you can find all the info here: http://shivanata.josianericher.com/learn-shiva-nata/montreal-october-29-2011/
My commitment:
– to put up the French version of the page about it so that I can start promoting the class in my francophone networks
– to keep mentioning it on Twitter
– to do the in-the-soft and in-the-hard work I need to do prepare for the class
VPA #2:
What I want: to feel good on the morning of the class and have the energy I need to teach it.
Ways this could work: I could make rest a priority this week. I could make sure to eat well, and get a little more exercise into my days. I could focus on doing only what really matters, and leave the rest.
My commitment: to listen to my body, and take good care of it. To pay attention to what I fill my days with. To give priority, as much as I can, to what nourishes me.
LUUUUVE VPA day!
So much that I started in the train today before the blog post was up 🙂
Firstly – happy cheering for all the whisper-brunching and ongoing events.
** Update **
Last week, I wanted more guilt-free and also more island time. I stand amazed because I got both. Not immediately. But I muddle through some hard and there was some of the both of it. A-ma-zing.
** VPA – thing one – peaceful living ***
The situation – I am living half-at-home-half-in-my-phd’s-city-of-residence. It is creating some uncertainty.
What I’d like – I’d like to feel better/more confident about my choice. Alternatively, I’d like an exchange option. Mostly, I would just like a deal that works for me.
Ways it could work – I don’t know. I could review all admin and have it absolutely well in place. I could find a great room in Brussels. Something like that.
My commitment – to give it some space. to trust that good things will happen as much as i can stand to trust. to dream about this a little.
VPA – thing two – a nonviolent meeting
The situation – i need to meet the supervisor. i am halfway done with the datawork as usual
What I’d like – I’d like some respect for the work I did. I’d like some help.
Ways it could work – I could journal about this. Call someone strong to the front of the V. Hire an Internal Lawyer to speak up for us
My commitment – to stand up for me the best I can. To take time to work on it. To be forgiving.
VPA – thing three – Preparing Amsterdam time
The situation – I visited the city; I’d love to visit more and see friends there. But I don’t want it to be stressful as before.
What I’d like – Some thinking/dreaming up of what would be ideal. Some good ideas of how this could work.
Ways it could work – time. airbnb. phonecalling. pinteresting. perfect simple solutions could show up.
My commitment – to be gentle and take time for this. To want what I want. To let the want exist and to acknowledge it.
UPDATE on last week’s VPAs: There is progress but not resolution to my asks, but I received an important gift anyway – I realized that I’d been asking for VERY BIG THINGS that touch on a lot of little things that need to be approached separately.
For instance: one of my WTCWs was I could figure out why I even set up my Book [of Me] so that there’s a muddle anywhere inside it… and it occurred to me out of nowhere that I can’t use a Book of Me – I need it to be a Book of US. That pulled out a lot of other issues and patterns and now so much of my resistance to Monster-Conversations makes sense! And I can fix it! So while I still haven’t gotten an answer to the VPAs overall, I have a planned set of steps to take to get there.
This week I only have one VPA:
#1 – To Get the Final A-OK on the VPA Answer I Received Thursday Before Last.
I’m starting to get into the second-guessing/disbelieving bit, and I want this desperately.
Ways This Could Work:
– I could be told.
– I could be written.
– I could feel so assured that I relax about it.
My Commitment:
– To breathe.
– To continue the behaviors that brought the original conversation about in the first place.
– To remember that it’s okay if it doesn’t happen.
* * *
Sending tons of happy energy to everyone!
YAY I got my VPA (which was to get to see Havi in CO!) So happy so happy!
There’s a YouTube of Frankie Manning demonstrating ShimSham. Here’s the link; hopefully I coded it right but you can still cut and paste it in your browser:
ShimSham
The movers are coming Friday and then my life goes into storage and I go to meet my artistic genius mom (with great hair) at the first stop of her World Domination Tour (a/k/a no more cancer treatment, hospice time) and then who knows?
I thought I wanted a lot of things this week, but I think it can be summed up in wanting things to go peacefully. I would like to be less sad and more productive and ok with not receiving the support/assistance I really really wanted/needed/asked for from my brother. I need to not be upset/mad at him because I just don’t have the energy/emotional space. Except for the part where I am mad/upset at him anyway.
WTCW:
– a peace fairy could settle into my brain and heart and make it ok
– other people could suddenly show up and offer to help and i could be all “OMG THANK YOU AND YES” and then maybe i wouldn’t notice that in my brother’s world his mother isn’t dying and things aren’t falling apart
– wow, that was bitchy
– i could remember to keep the mindset (that i learned about in The Untethered Soul — amazing book) that i’m choosing to be “happy” (read: maybe not “happy”, but not “unhappy”)regardless of what happens in the world around me. and that could free me.
My part:
I’m going to put reminders around me about the “choosing to be happy” stuff so that even if things get awful, maybe I can pull out of the awfulness. I’m going to remember that I will get through this, it’s just another thing. I’m going to soften my heart towards myself and others. I’m going to remember that I’m doing this for future me and she needs the love.
Gwishes for a good week, everyone!
A few things.
I’m on vacation this coming week. A gorgeous not-leaving-town vacation. From work. I want full days, restful nights, little adventures, safety from work, glorious fun. And hooping!
My commitment: to forward work emails to my assistant to ask her to respond to them. to trust her.
The other thing I want:
This boy. This appears to be a long term project. And I would really just like to say “I think I like you. But would like to still hang out with you even if you don’t like me back. But if you did like me back that would be very good because we could spoon on the couch and I could smell your neck.” Or something like that.
Again I will wish for clarity and courage.
Thing 1: I would very much like my wrist to stop hurting and heal. I’ll try to do my best and baby it. I’ll also try to type and mouse in a way that feels better for it. I’d really like this to not be a doctor-needing thing, since I can’t afford to go to the doctor.
Thin 2: I’d like to find just the right couch. It needs to be comfortable for both average-sized me and tall boyfriend. It can’t be longer than 82 inches (maybe 84), but should be longer than 75. I’d like it to be vintage and have some character, but also have a sturdy frame and upholstery that’s in good shape and not an ugly color or print. And it should be within our price range. I’ll search craigslist high and low. I’ll also be open to surprises. We can also go to the antique stores. It needs to find us soon, since our current couch is quite literally on our last leg. I’ll try to be patient, though, and not fall into poverty-thinking patterns of “now, now, just get whatever’s good enough!”
What I want:
I would like for schoolwork’s hardness to stop being so hard. I want to complete more assignments than I usually do each week.
How this could work:
– I’ve been talking to future!me. (Havi talks to monsters, I talk to future me. She’s Wise and Cunning and so on, the person I could be. The person I want to be.) She’s always had wisdom and resources that I could use to help me, things I’ve never thought of before. She also plants a boot up my ass and makes sure I take care of myself. She’s watching me and thinking of different ways to approach it that could help.
– Meditating at night and visualising could help me get better.
– I could do my schoolwork, and not melt down for once as I do it.
– I could stumble upon a new potential solution to try.
– Or the universe could surprise me!
My commitment:
I will keep in mind my resources and not stretch myself. I will learn to think of schoolwork without melting down. I will observe myself and condition my thoughts to have better associations, and I will take it as slowly as I need to.
Thank you so much for these; you’ve inspired me to try them myself. The practice of taking time each week to think about what I want and how I might get it is fantastic in and of itself, but I’m also having some success, which is lovely.
I’ve been writing mine on Mondays, and this week I’m going to bring a little movement into my life. Thanks for the inspiration.
Oh, good luck, Kim. Good luck everybody.
I WANT:
(1) not to lose the joy and hopefulness i found this weekend about my tiny sweet thing.
how this could happen:
-it could really be important enough–the right enough thing–that i won’t lose interest
-i could spend a little time on it as a break from other work, like just ten minutes at a time
my commitment:
-to look at the notes i made every couple of days and keep being excited, even if i can’t work on it now.
(2) to make a go of this weight watchers thing. i’m just exhausted and frustrated and sad and kind of scared about where i’ve got to weightwise, and i really want this to be the change that works.
how can this happen?
-i can get excited and research recipes, but not pressuring myself about planning perfect, exciting menus right away. just try to eat healthy and stick to the points number.
-buying some low-calorie desserts (something cakey and something puddingy) even though they are full of preservatives and it would be much better to not eat them, because that is just not going to happen (this week…month…anyway).
-i could feel hope about regaining control of things(…)
my commitment:
-to remind myself and to accept that this is the initial starting-out period so everything (researching, shopping, cooking, tracking) is going to take a long time. it’s allowed to now, it won’t forever, and it’ll get easier with practice.
-to try to believe that you can eat carbs/sugar and still be “doing a good job” at losing weight or being a healthy person (ugh. RESISTANCE!!), because god knows trying not to eat sugar just makes me freak out and give up on diets altogether.
-to not even think about starting an exercise regime until after midterms and halloween, even though that seems like too long–i just don’t have time right now.
(3) to engage with my midterms (not leaving them too late, faking it, letting myself down, getting frustrated about procrastination, causing stress by putting it off), by using this as an experiment in easing up with the perfectionism.
how this could happen:
-i could remind myself of my recent stoopid epiphanies about this, especially right before working.
-i could make a reasonable or even underwhelming schedule instead of trying to do the best job ever on this.
-i can let myself do it reluctantly and not want to–i’ll just do something easy. it’s not like i have to like it.
-i can get some spaciousness by finishing my job work ahead of schedule, leaving at-desk time for homework.
my commitment:
-to remind myself that my goal is to get [x period] of work done in a given amount of time, not necessarily to complete a task (i.e., give myself permission to not finish at the next chunk of time).
-to remind myself that it just has to get done, it doesn’t have to impress anybody. what will happen if i don’t impress anybody? really, nothing.
-to allot much more time to do much less work than i would normally (per refuse to choose!).
-to take little steps.
Hello all!
1. Writing
I need to finish a piece by this time next week. It’s not much, just something that could change my entire life. I want to finish it and be proud and by GOD I want it to do what it’s supposed to.
My commitment- carving out time. If it gets to Wednesday and I’m not done, I’ll take a day off my “real” job to complete it. But I can do this with kindness to myself- early to bed each night this week, making time to eat and doing all my Havi-learnt techniques to keep the monsters quiet.
2. Work
Aka my “real” job. Bluntly, I don’t want to be horrible to people this week. Some people really push my buttons and that’s fine, it’s MY CHOICE whether to react to it or not. So this week I am going to try giving out what I want to take it- love, peace and compassion. Going to try treating these people like my best friends instead of being a cow to them. Radical!
My VPA is that the universe gives me the support in order to do this because it’s going to be hard. I commit to keep trying, to tune in and keep catching the unhealthy predator that springs up from time to time.
A good week all xx
Havi and Darcy,
The Shim Sham…I learned it from Frankie Manning, one of the most beautiful humans who ever walked this earth …sigh…I miss him. If I wasn’t all the way in NY I’d offer to come over and teach it to you.
Havi, I sent your Boulder info to the only person I know there and asked her to spread it around. I’m hoping she goes so I can have a vicarious Shivanata with Havi experience!
My gwishes for this week:
1. Invite my time monster to tea, or at least ask him to put down the megaphone and whip so we can talk.
Ways: One of my other monsters has turned into peer negotiator (how cool is that?), I could ask him to do the invite.
Commitment: To go slowly, gently and kindly.
2. Finish the rough draft of my paper by my birthday tomorrow. It would be such a nice present to myself.
Ways: Talk with time monsters so I don’t get stuck, imagine the celebration party of BD and first hurdle accomplished, do some Shivanata to jazz up my brain and help with gwish #1.
Commitment: Spend as much time as I need on the above, be prepared to forgive myself if I don’t get there, find fun ways to break up the writing time.
Happy gwishing!
Previous VPA updates
Well.. I asked for finalisations. I had about 50 different things I’d applied for and too many seemed to be saying yes.. I was worried I’d have to turn people down and break my word. As it turns out, one opp seems to have forgotten to get back to me, so I’m ruling that out with a smile and the one I really REALLY wanted I’ve got.. still partially wishing for this as there’s still 3 opportunities on the table and I can’t take them all.
So.. this week. Tada!
Thing 1: Finally Ready – ShivaNata Via Skype.
Here’s what I want:
Having been talking about online sessions since MAY, I’m piloting and there’s a sales page and I’m preparing to launch. Any #Shivanauts or wanna-be #Shivanauts who can’t get to an actual session; if you have a computer and a webcam/microphone, I’m hoping I can help you.
You pick the time that suits you and we book an hour in. There’s a bit of theory, lots of practise (at your pace), question time, worksheets, mini-extra-assignments (optional), and space/time for reflection after/between sessions.
Similar to Havi’s session – “All levels welcome, including total beginners and people who have no idea what this is.”
I’d like to launch this within the next two weeks [maybe Halloween?] and have around 10 people signing up.
Ways this could work:
I can let you know, and twitter and facebook.
I’ll use the #shivanata and #shivanaut hashtags.
I can put a note on the forums.
People can email or tweet me if they’re interested.
Any questions would be awesome in case I’ve missed them.. (rose@thephoenixmind.com)
People can magically hear about it and want to join in.
My commitment.
To utilise the hello day ritual each morning.
To be patient.
To finish the sales page by next Friday at the latest.
Thanks =)
Rose
This week, I have a Secret Sabbatical, a private mission, a tiny sweet thing, a vision quest. I had the idea for it a few days ago in a flash of ohmygodyes!
What I want:
I want this secret solo adventure to go beautifully, to be healing and transformative and re-integrative.
How this can happen:
I can devote some time to planning and preparation — conscious entry. I can be open to insights and surprises throughout the experience. I can plant reminders to keep myself in the process: the main reminder I have in mind involves wearing a different pendant each day of the adventure, to remind myself of what my focus is for that day. I can also do my very best to give myself superlative self-care (and spend a little time deciding just what that entails, as part of my planning and preparation).
My commitment:
To stay the course. To take lots of good notes. To do Shiva Nata each day of this adventure.
Love!
Wishing calm seas to everyone participating in the Crossing!
What I want: Lately I’ve been feeling somewhat tired and worn out; maybe even jaded. I’d like my world to be infused with essences of excitement, wakefulness and wonder.
Ways this could work: Hm. I’m not sure I know. I could continue to remind myself to be where I am when I’m there. I could find a way to recognize the newness in various aspects of my life right now. I could invite the qualities to meet me when I get out of bed in the morning, and put out treats for them so they know they’re welcome.
My commitment: To be present when I can, and be nice to myself even if I can’t. To write in my notebook with my pink pen.
Sending out my good wishes for everyone’s VPAs this week.
What do I want?
To play with havi!
What did I do?
Signed up to play with Havi!
How will that work?
Asked husband to take point on kids that day, will ask for time off later today.
My commitment?
To go play with Havi! In Boulder! Then go eat in Boulder!
I haven’t been this excited since the Grateful Dead came to my hometown for two nights of shows!
Super-short VPA/gwishes (I can’t help but mush them up most of the time):
1. For me to bring into the qualities of calm, curiosity, openness, surprises and camaraderie to the Very First Tele-hike for School Therapy! which is in about an hour. Wheee!!!
2. To see connections and surprises and SIGNS everywhere. To be open to them in the coming week.
3. To get through this week of endless deadlines and assignments and to-do-lists with improbable calm and zen.
4. To love everyone around me just a little bit more.
5. A clean house! To pay attention and love my apartment by doing one tiny little thing at a time.
Oh, I forgot. Something I really need a proper VPA for in the coming weeks:
The thing: a decision. a clear, sovereign decision on the PhuD-or-not-to-PhuD question.
How this could happen: Somebody could say something that totally clarifies everything. I pick up on clues and signs. I pay attention to ‘desired feelings’. I do a session of self-hypnosis in which I go to that place where all the answers are.
My commitment: to keep noticing. To be open. To remember that there is no ‘wrong choice’. To remember that I am guided. to hold an Advisory Board meeting in my head. With a Council of Advisors for Simone’s Life. Who’s in it? Hildegard. Havi. the Oracle. The mushed-up version of several people in my life who really really really really believed in me. My mom, except she’s not in bullshit-mode.
Thing #1
What I want: A really awesome apartment in Uptown or South Minneapolis for Todd and I. It should have lots of large windows, laundry hookups, central air, parking spots, heat, ideally a clawfoot tub, lots of hot water, non-crazy neighbors and lots of storage space…plus an extra bedroom for an office. Oh and in a safe location and very affordable. Plus no crazy neighbors please! Have had enough of that.
Ways This Could Work:
One of the places we look at could work out. Or someone could tell us of another place… or we can just find somewhere!
My commitment: To be a good tenant at the place we get. To be open.
Thing #2
What I want: A little bit more moolah.
Ways This Could Work: One of my very fun but underpaying gigs could suddenly double pay. Or I could get a part-time gig that doesn’t interfere with my schedule. Or I could pick up another client. Or I could find a magic pot of gold on the side of the rainbow. Or I could find some kind of awesome JV that makes millions. 😉
My commitment: To do kick-ass work. To stop accepting gigs that feel wrong just because they pay well…and to strive for gigs that feel right AND pay well instead of just feel right.
Thing #3
What I want: My new jiu-jitsu gym to work out perfectly. And to actually start winning tournaments.
Ways This Could Work: My body could decide it could hold up to massive amounts of training. Or the coaching at my new gym could be massively better than at my old one. Or things could fall into place somehow.
My commitment: To empty my cup and embrace beginner’s mind. To learn from people trying to teach me instead of getting annoyed because I think they thing I suck.
Thing #4
What I want: to not feel like a total alien
Ways this could work: Maybe I’ll meet people when we live in Minneapolis who will talk to me even though I didn’t go to grade school with them and am not a raging alcoholic. Or I could meet people through my gym or through the job I’m going to get 🙂 or through covering events or something. Or maybe I will have to move…which could take 1-2 years…possibly through a very nice tuition waiver so I can go to grad school…or in some other way. But hopefully it will happen before then.
My commitment: To be open.
woo… i’m kind of late… i know i know amnesty and all that, lots of VPA’s above me that sadly I am not taking the time to read. Good luck to everyone.
-update on the present for future me – i did get the bedroom clean before we left and it totally blew my mind when i came home. like i did not recognize the bed. this was nice. because i was sick in vegas and therefore did not do the drinking thing and became official dd. courtesy of sickness, but still had a blast. (note to self to put into my revue – if you are sick with a sickness that makes you light-headed and dizzy, then drinking is a bad idea because it will make you more light headed and dizzy)
okay my want – a resolution to my sickness… either tests from today come back and tell me why i’ve been feeling sick like (i have my own theory and dr agreed, but lets see what the blood results say) or figure out what else is causing it if it’s not what i think it is.
ways this could work – idk, i will work with my doctor.
my commitment – patience, talk to dr meditate…
I would like for schoolwork’s hardness to stop being so hard. I want to complete more assignments than I usually do each week. Somebody could say something that totally clarifies everything.