Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
Each week I write these VPAs to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.
I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!
Oh man, I can’t believe it’s Sunday.
There is so much going on right now.
Let’s see. What do I need? And do any of these need a proxy? We’ll have to find out.
Thing 1: An ease-filled decision.
Here’s what I want:
I had the big meeting that I was gearing up for last week.
And now the ball is in my court, as they say.
I need to throw together a proposal. God I hate that word. I’m pretty sure it’s been metaphor-moused at some point but brain-fog on that.
Oh, this is feeling heavy and not fun. I want it to be light, clear and full of tingly anticipation.
Ways this could work:
I can talk this over with my primary partner-in-crime.
Ask Hope what she thinks.
Bring it to my Board of Surprisers in our Enthusiastic this week.
Sleep on it. Cry on it. Bathe on it. Flail on it.
My commitment.
To talk to Slightly Future Me and find out what she knows.
To make safe rooms for the parts of me who are feeling overwhelmed.
Thing 2: An ease-filled transition.
Here’s what I want:
I’m going to silent retreat this one.
Ways this could work:
It just could.
My commitment.
Ten breaths. Ten more breaths.
Thing 3: Getting the guest quarters ready.
Here’s what I want:
My main partner-in-crime is going to be staying at Hoppy House for a while, which is going to be SO GREAT!
There are a bunch of things I need to do to get her quarters ready.
Ways this could work:
I’m going to do some stone skipping on this.
My commitment.
Flowers. Delight. Welcoming. Sweetness.
Thing 4: Announcing the announcement.
Here’s what I want:
I have the HAT page (Havi’s Announcing a Thing) all ready to tell people about the Floating Playground.
And I haven’t told people.
Partly because I need to finish the Mirror Pool.
Maybe also because I am waiting for another thing to happen first.
But maybe that could all come together easily. Yes, please. Also I would like this to feel fun, because the Floating Playground has so much of the real Playground in it.
Ways this could work:
I think it’s important that I step away from this to get close to it, so I’m going to take the day off and do silly things.
And that will tell me what needs to happen next.
My commitment.
To play. Playing makes everything better.
Thing 5: Heidi’s potions, you guys! Through Toozday!
Here’s what I want:
I live for Heidi’s marvelous potions (for mixed-up emotions! but also for dry skin!).
Her potion shop was born at my Kitchen Table program, and it’s the best thing in the entire world.
There’s a discount code that lets you skip paying for shipping. Good through Toozday (Dec 20) at 8 pm eastern. Here’s the discount code:
MyPleasure
And here’s the link for her shop.
Oh, and here’s what I want: for everyone who wants potions to get some. Potions!
Ways this could work:
I’m telling you. Pass it on!
And if you’re getting potions for me, I like Presence. And Chocolita. And Losing it.
Oh, they’re all really great.
My commitment.
To love and support Heidi’s mission!
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
Okay! I wanted ease and clarity for my big Rendezvous (shh it was a meeting!) on Monday, and that totally happened.
It was a really fun meeting. Everyone was marvelous. Everyone wanted the same things. It was friendly and pleasant and there was tea. Awesome.
Then I wanted the last person to sign up for the Rally (Rally!) in January, and that happened. It’s sold out, but you can still come in February. There are a couple spots left.
Which reminds me that I need to put up new copy on the page because we’re raising Rally prices next week. Another VPA! Into the pot!
Also I wanted everyone to support Brad McGinty and his fabulous holiday cards. Yay!
I wanted the Shiva Nata workshop I was running Thursday for the roller derby team to be amazing, and it was.
And I wanted to do lots of prep work for my big announcings, and that happened too. The announcings haven’t been announced, but I’m way more ready. Feeling good about that. Thanks for all the support….
Play-filled comment zen. Here’s what I’d love today.
- Wanted: Your own personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like.
- You can also do these on your own or in your head. You can always call silent retreat!
- Leave your gwishes! Throw things in the pot!
- Things we try to keep away from: the word “manifest”, telling people how they should be asking for things, unsolicited advice.
- VPA amnesty applies, of course. Leave yours any time between now and next Sunday (or whenever, really) — it’s all fine by us!
xox
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Sending you an Ease-l for your 1st 2 VPAs, Havi. It might not help, but it does Silent Enthusiastics!
UPDATE on experimental VPAs – Very cool results! Blooms and plantings seems to be the way to go for me, since conversions of pain came naturally, but I kept forgetting about humidity for my skin and kept forgetting to repeat the word “Endless” (though I am still happily cradled in the results of HipGnosis). I now want to metaphor mouse the concept of “work” in relation to my internal stuff. Progress!
So for this coming week, my VPAs are:
Thing #1 – A Gentle Segue into the Holiday (Horrorday!) Season.
It’s never easy, even when the relationship is extremely good with my parentals, to move from a space in which I own my soveriegnty to a space where someone else is sovereign inside it, and knows my patterns well so often inadvertently throws shoes in an effort to maintain perceived sovereignty. I’m well used to the pattern, but it’s always jarring to enter and exit. I want these to be peaceful.
Blooms For It:
– Successful implementation of Art of Embarking rituals
– Knowing the Pattern being enough to break the pattern
– Knowing *myself* could be enough to navigate the pattern
What I’ll Plant:
– Multiple embarkings with different qualities for each step of our traditions
– Bring the Purple Button of Teleportation (a visualization which helped for one terror & might help for this) with me
– Imagine phrases and concepts to plant for Now Is Not Then with the parentals
Thing #2 – Chicken and VPA space for next weekend.
The holiday (horrorday!) season hits on the weekend, which means in all likelihood I will not be able to make chicken and VPA posts here. I’d like to find internal space/rooms in which to do chicken & VPA even if I cannot post it.
Blooms For It:
– Presetting “Away” time
– Invoking Amnesty to do it on other, less incendiary days
– Could hijack the spaces between the pattern
What I’ll Plant:
– Use of “Outside” for assessment
– Breathing spaces
– Hand mirrors to remind me of reflection
Thing #3 – Organizational Mountain-Climbing Energy.
There is still so much to settle in the living space, but it is intimidating & overwhelming. I’d like some mountain-climbing energy for it.
Blooms For It:
– Magic “Ooh, Summit!” excitement could happen
– Could invoke a better sense of Presence.
– Maybe being inside the mountain would work better?
What I’ll Plant:
– Babysteps with baby Converse.
– Think of my living space as multi-dimensional, & hope that springs forth ideas.
Sending loads of love to all VPAs to come!
not a VPA…but I read “brain-fog” as “brain-FROG”. Somehow that made more sense to me. I think I’m making that a permanent personal translation.
Mmmmmm… a hand-on-heart sigh for all your VPAs, especially 1, 2, and 4.
And, um, VPAs! I want to start doing them. I had thought of starting a practice of doing them weekly in January, but really, why wait?
* The right amount of doing *
Here’s what I want: Ease and rest. To do less this year at the holidays than ever before. To happily bask in any appreciation people have for my efforts without requiring them to feel more.
Ways this could work: Going upstairs by 9pm. Lunch breaks. Keeping it simple. Waiting a safe interval to respond to the guilt trip about not traveling. Face tapping. Extra showers. Appreciating my own efforts instead of needing others to do that for me.
My commitment: To check in with myself and make sure that everything I do this week is something I want to do. To make sure that it’s something I want to do for myself. To say to the one who makes these efforts, “I see you and how much you do and I so appreciate you” and give that one a lot of love.
Oh, dear! Sorry about all that bolding. I don’t think I can un-do it.
Augh.
VPA nr1.
How can a person make bold letters??
just curious! 🙂
Hello!!
* waving at Havi & the VPA Collective (just one guy)*
*** UPDATE! ***
I had a few big asks last week. And I am so happy I did. Things are moving and I so needed them to.
I had a hard hard meeting, but I did express my concerns openly. At least there was new information and the sense that I did what I could. I investigated a new city for me and I am even… (don’t jinx it!) … a little … (be careful!) … excited about this option. I wanted travel and travel is coming. I wanted a road map and a road map is forming in my head. I also bought colored pencils so that should help!
*** More Gwishing ***
Planting of gwishes for the week.
* 1. Iguana Sorting *
I did some and I’d love to do some more. Finish up the loose ends and build some bridges into the new year. (whatever that means – i guess i’ll find out).
WICW – I could have a day for it. It could work.
MC – to talk to the iguana’s. to find out what their ideal scenario is
* 2. Writing & Flow *
A lot of paper-writing & decorating needs to happen. I’d love some flow and happiness for it. I’d love to be vigilant and fly through the exercize. But I am worried I will get intimidated by other papers.
WICW – I could set it up, write about and to it, have beers with each paper and baby them like crazy. I could write little evil parts of the paper telling the real truth and take it from there. Mwahaha
MC – To take it easy. to do what I can. to start over in the morning.
* 3. Moving *
Zumba or running or yoga or something!
I wanna dance and these days the gym seems a good option
WICW – I could head on out there on a bike.
MY – to experiment. to see what feels right.
**
Huzzah huzzah! to the Brave VPA Ensemble! (just one guy) **
Update from last week:
I wanted perfect clients, the perfect client came to me last week, with money and wonderful work for me.
I wanted to be vulnerable. I think this went well. I maintained some friendships that were feeling difficult, even thought they weren’t. I was feeling, which was difficult.
Update from a few weeks ago:
I wanted something with The Boy. I went out last night after not wanting to go. I had a cold sore, no make up, and a yoga tshirt on. So of course the Boy was there for the first time in ages. But instead of this ending really cutely where he thought I was beautiful and we held hands and smiled at the moon, it ends with my 2 friends being the worst wingmen ever – the guy was blocking me in so I couldn’t talk to The Boy and the girl was trying to make some other guy seem appealing to me (he has a mustache and roommates. Um, no. Not even if he owns a seltzer company and I happen to love seltzer.)
What I want this week:
Speedy healing of cold sore. My commitment: tea tree oil, yoga and lysine.
Strong end to the work year, with wonderful clients and good talks with office mates.
Alone time, planning time, friend time and family time – all in the perfect amounts. Including sushi for dinner on Christmas, just like last year. Best new tradition ever.
Update from last week:
I wanted to mail my Christmas things, which I did. I also wanted one right person, which I got.
This week —
What I want: Prune tarts.
How this could work: One of my friends could fly out for a visit me and teach me to make them. I could visit one of my friends and they could teach me to make them. Someone could send me some in the mail. I could find the recipe and learn to make them myself. I could happen upon a bakery that makes them – where they taste as good as or better than the ones I already know and love.
My commitment: I will remember that my current state of hopelessness is not entirely related to prune tarts and will end eventually.
What I want: I want to not be annoyed about a thing.
How this could work: I could find the good in the annoyance. I could let it go. I could have a new idea. I could find out why I’m really annoyed. Ok. I already know that. I could work through that.
My commitment: Hmmm. I think my only commitment is to revel in the annoyance. That is the only thing that sounds rather enjoyable at the moment.
Thing One: a Clever Alternate Plan for yoga
What I want: to find ways to continue getting the good things I get from yoga class during the three weeks between today and the next class (silly holidays messing up schedules!)
Ways this could work: For the physical aspects, I could do yoga at home, either using the beginner DVD I just bought, or free pose sequences. Maybe not pressure myself to magically become a morning person, but just use them in place of the classes that were cancelled. For the mental aspects, I’m less sure. Maybe they’ll just follow from doing the poses and relaxing? I can also seek out writing that I know is helpful to me when I want relaxation/ease/kindness towards myself.
My commitment: To listen to what my body needs, and do my best to meet it with love. To try things, play, be curious. To clear away as much floor space as I need for my mat, and not be afraid to as my partner for space when I want to try things.
Thing Two: to find the Right Person for something
What I want: One of the best things I’ve ever made hasn’t been bought. I’m pretty sure that this isn’t because I suck and am terrible and nobody wants to hang out with me (shh, brain monsters). I think that the Right Person hasn’t found it yet–and I so very much want the Right Person to find it, not a Wrong Person.
Ways this could work: I could Wander The Internet telling people about it… That sounds scary. Maybe I’ll ask my cool friends to tell people about it on Twitter or something. That’s only a little scary. Maybe someone here knows the Right Person and will point them at it.
My commitment: To trust that the Right Person is out there, who wants it desperately and doesn’t even know it yet. To search for them in creative ways. To not be totally bullied by brain monsters in the process.
@ Gaye: Brain-frog! Like the “frog in the throat that keeps you from speaking, the brain-frog keeps you from thinking! I like it.
Hannah seems to have written my VPAs for me. Thank you, Hannah. At the Friday Chicken, I’ll look for your comment about the week and I’ll tell you how it worked for me.
And what Seagirl said: “Alone time, planning time, friend time and family time – all in the perfect amounts.”
PLUS rest and mental clarity so it all happen! Ways that could happen: early to bed, morning begins the night before, setting things up, writing things down. Healthy eating, fresh air. Basically, using what I know.
Wishing all a good week and success with VPAs and gwishes.
@Hannah: Before the text you want to bold, try putting a . (I can’t write them together or it’ll just do it, but it’s a b between the less than and the greater than signs. After the text, put a . (Same thing as before, only instead of just a b, you’re putting /b to signal its end. 🙂
Maybe I should try this:
this is in bold
Oh, how annoying. It stripped out what I said to do. I guess it strips out less than and greater than signs. But hopefully the explanation in parens explains it.
test test /b
things in bold.
YAY thanks Elizabeth 🙂
@ VickiB – yay – then we can both checkin Friday 🙂
Yay, Hannah!
@ Riv – oh, I LOVE your best thing! I wish I was its Right Person! I am passing on via Twitter.
I am enjoying all the boldness in these comments!
I’ve had a major setback in the Secret Project I was working on, so major that it looks like it won’t come to fruition, at least not in the way I was expecting/hoping.
Oh, I may as well spill the beans now: I was working on a recording of relaxing winter solstice-themed music (piano and voice) to be a part of the gift bags that we’re giving to family and friends this year. We’ve done homemade, hand-crafted gifts for the past few years in a row, and I was so happy to be contributing something in which I was the leading player, as opposed to being a sort of midwife/utility infielder/yeoman for projects where another family member is taking the lead.
Unfortunately, the recording/editing software that we were using was installed on a computer that is now having problems and can’t run the software. And, because it wasn’t an official copy of the software, we can’t install it on my computer either. I can get new software in the near future, but not in time for this project. I have missed my deadline. Damn.
What I want now, then, is — oh — to find the good. To see this as a step along a path that will lead to new music-making and recording projects in the very (very!) near future. To see this, not as an isolated failure, but as one facet of a larger process.
Oh, but it was going to be so good! Except for one song that my daughter was planning to sing, it was all going to be either original material or music in the public domain, so I had dreams of putting together a version to sell. It was so creatively exciting to plan the project, to work on it. And now I have a lot of inner critters — some monsters, some sad scared selves — who are blaming me for not getting this in the can months ago, for not shipping earlier, when I could have still used our recording software, when there might still have been time to buy whatever gear I needed.
Still.
What I want: to find the good and cuddle it close.
How this can happen: I can tally up all the accomplishments that got me as far as I did. I can keep on making music, and be as present as possible while doing so, giving myself credit for what I am doing. I can plan a new short-term Secret Project (for my dad’s birthday next month, maybe?) and start working on that right away.
My commitment: To allow myself to have my negative feelings about this, while lovingly confronting my negative thoughts.
Oh, for heaven’s sake; did I code the word boldness to come out in italics by mistake? Sigh…
I love VPAmnesty!
Thing #1: Gentleness
Something very sad happened to me a couple of weeks ago, and I’m having a hard time being patient and gentle around it taking the time it takes for things to feel less hard.
Ways it could work:
I could practice noticing how I’m feeling, in case moments when it’s already less hard are passing me by.
I could check the Book of Me and see what I already know about what to do when I’m very sad.
Some of Heidi’s magical potions that are coming in the mail could help!
I could make a safe room for sad me.
Something else I haven’t even thought of yet.
My commitment:
To give myself permission to feel however I’m feeling
To be curious about what is true even though I’m feeling sad about this
Thing #2: Rest
I am wishing a lot for a long vacation. And at the same time, I am filling my schedule.
Ways this could work:
I could find a way to help the you’ll-always-be-sad-forever-and-ever monster worry less, and maybe then I would feel more willing to slow down.
Some things I already have planned could turn out to be more vacation-like than I expect.
It could turn out that my longing for a vacation is actually a sneaky disguise for something else that I’m hiding from my monsters.
My commitment:
To ask sad me what the vacation thing is about
To take bits of rest where I find them
To remember what helped last time I felt this way
@Riv…I completely understand the need to find the Right Person for your jewelry, and the necklace of fire is beautiful and deserves the perfect home. I’ve posted it on my FB page in hopes that helps the magic to grow. Re: yoga, I’m not sure what your practice preferences are, but CurvyYoga.com is posting 3 free practices on her website for the holidays, with pdfs and video. In case you want to check her out. She’s a sweet lady.
@VickiB: I picture a big floppy-footed cartoon frog–kind of like Peace Frog–in my head. I think it’s the floppy feet who keep the thoughts from gelling.
@Gaye Oh man, I’d seen CurvyYoga a while ago and thought it could be perfect for me, but had forgotten about it. Thanks so much for reminding me, and for the FB link 🙂
Okay… well, a couple days late, but amnesty and all that. Also, nobody has to read my cold induced ramblings, but if you choose to read my comment anyway, well much appreciated.
I also want ease and recovery/recooperation. Craziness 🙂
Actually, my body was trying really hard not to get sick last week, so I went into hibernation mode and still got sick, but hopefully, it’ll be a quick cold. (Which are very rare in my world).
So the want is for me to make space for my body to recover. Which is actually great timing because my body was sweet enough not to get sick until I finished the grad school apps. I took a sick day yesterday and am trying to be chill and restful at work today… but well, it’s busy so we shall see.
WTCW – I take care of my body with rest… I take another sick day. I eat the clementine oranges on my table, and I drink tea (lemon ginger with real lemons squeezed into it… which despite what we say in English isn’t really tea because there is no tea-plant-leaves in it, only herbs, so is an infusion – infused with honey). Oh and airborn and vitamin C and rest… did I mention honey?
My commitment – did I mention the not-tea infusion? Oh and eating lunch outside when it is warm enough because I need the sun.
(slightly related) Other Thing: All that crazy work stuff that had me running around (mentally at least) this morning, to settle down and give me time to chill and recover. Also, time to draw or write after work.
WTCW – IDK, I just work on things one at a time and refuse interruptions… ooh that could work, with a little, I am sick sign. Please email instead, so that way I take problems in the order they come in? Okay, that might not be allowed. But I can imagine one.
My Commitment – To imagine my sign and set boundaries referencing the stuff my imaginary sign says/could say/would say…