Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
Each week I write these VPAs to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.
I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!
Thing 1: a word for the practice of making things congruent
Here’s what I want:
To invent or discover a word or metaphor that describes the thing I’m working on the most right now:
Bringing things in my life into a greater state of CONGRUENCE.
Ideally this would be a verb, but it could also be a descriptive phrase or even an image or a person. In the way that Bruce Wayne is my stand-in both for prosperity and for the state of intense dedication to the physical (agility, gracefulness, power, stability, strength, determination and endurance).
Ways this could work:
I could ask for help from metaphor mouse, speaking of reluctant superheroes.
I can map it out.
Do some Shiva Nata on it to see what the patterns are.
Ask Bruce Wayne what he’d call it.
I’ll play with…
I think I’d like to interview Barrington. And also the Director (the me-who-is-coming).
It would be interesting to see what they know about this, and maybe that would give me a direction.
Thing 2: the week of Congruencing!
Here’s what I want:
Okay, so I don’t have my word or metaphor yet, but whatever it’s going to be called, that’s what I want to be doing all week.
Ways this could work:
Maybe a list of things that need to come into congruence.
I can also use my list of Things I am Done With.
For example:
- Not having a place to put a certain type of thing.
- The bag of Back and Forth.
- Yoga coming after work.
- Answering questions with anything other than a heart-sigh.
And then I can play, Rally-style.
I’ll play with…
Patience. Permission. Exploring without attachment to what I think I need to find.
I think it’s time for some stone skippings.
Some old Turkish lady yoga.
And lots of entry and exit. This is another form of preparing for the voyage, isn’t it.
That feels better.
Thing 3: Speaking of things that I am done withā¦.
Here’s what I want:
Doors that are closed need to stay closed. Not to be approached and not be knocked on. This station is closed!
This is showing up in several ways right now, most of them symbolic. Also there are ways in which I am still knocking on some doors that are not doors for me any more, and I’m looking at that too.
Anyway, there’s this thing with random strangers knocking on the door to the Playground while I’m in yoga or meditation.
Because they apparently want to know how to get to the bathrooms. Or because they’re supposedly confusing my center with another business, despite the GIANT sign that announces: The Destuckification Playground!
And there’s this other thing where people try to log into one of my online programs. They can’t, of course, because there’s no way for them to get in without our system having given them a password. But when we close out each year, we always find about eighty names of people who have tried to log-in. Even though the entry page states that this is a closed, private community.
The fact that both of these things are scratching at the door of my mind right now (see? doors, it’s all doors here) shows me that this is my stuff.
So I’m going to investigate that. And I want better systems, better boundaries, better ways of making it clear that some doors are not for being knocked on.
Ways this could work:
Talking to slightly future me and figuring out what she knows about this.
Flailing on it with Shiva Nata.
Inventing ridiculous signs and then using that as a starting point for play.
I’ll play with…
Noticing all the places of entry and exit.
Stopping to pause (paws!).
Closing places I have left open.
Thing 4: the new assumption.
Here’s what I want:
To intentionally, playfully and steadily operate under the assumption that everything is good!
And to find out how things are good. In what way are they good?
Ways this could work:
I can ask:
“How does this thing that doesn’t appear to be good actually contain elements of good? And how can I use this to my advantage?”
If I’m in resistance because a certain situation is clearly full of not-good, I can try to find the useful.
If I can’t find the useful, I can still find out what I’m learning through encountering this now.
I’ll play with…
What if I’m wrong about everything I’m currently assuming?
What if this new assumption holds some unexpected treasure?
What if I don’t have to believe in the new assumption in order to receive benefits from experimenting with it?
What if everything that is against me is an illusion? Because Orna said it is, and Orna has never been wrong about anything.
Thing 5: ease-filled happy signing of the lease.
Here’s what I want:
Okay, this one might have to become an OOD, because I suspect that this is not all that I want.
I want to sign the lease on the new Playground space, but what I really want is to feel supported and excited in every part of this adventure.
And there are certain things that are potential dealbreakers, and I need those things to go smoothly. Or to resolve themselves in ways that I haven’t thought of yet.
But mainly I want to feel joyful and elated, because this is a giant gorgeous symbol of giant and gorgeous progress on my giant and gorgeous vision. I am whoah-struck! So let’s have more of that please.
Ways this could work:
I think breaking out an OOD, and working through the whole process and destuckifying is important.
Especially the aspect of making peace with being a grown-up.
And taking apart some of my old patterns of being apologetic and wanting to accommodate out of fear, habit or guiltā¦.when actually what is necessary in this situation is radiating strength and establishing clear, beautiful, loving boundaries.
I’ll play with…
Man, this is a big ask with a lot of disparate elements.
I think I want to focus on figuring out what I want and need.
This relates to several asks from previous weeks that have to do with trusting my instincts. Hand-on-heart sigh for me-from-then.
It all comes back to wanting the wanting.
Thing 6: sleep, again.
Here’s what I want:
So I’ve graduated from waking up in the middle of the night and feeling miserable to waking up in the middle of the night and feeling peaceful. And then falling back asleep.
But I’m ready to go through the next door:
Deep peaceful uninterrupted slumber.
Ways this could work:
Congruence. Putting more of these small changes into effect.
Morning rituals. Evening rituals.
Trust.
Talking to all the different parts of me.
I’ll play with…
Listening. Curiosity. Sweetness.
Thing 7: enthusiasm!
Here’s what I want:
I am about to send out the announcement about the Floating Playground.
And to celebrate the way I would with a real Enthusiastic: where we all exclaim over puppies! And how cute the puppies are!
Ways this could work:
Tuning into my own enthusiasm.
Filling up on the superpowers and the qualities.
Showing you guys the link to the puppies page, which is also a door to what’s next.
I’ll play with…
Hand-on-heart sigh for my desire for Enthusiasm.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
Those were some big asks. I wanted comfort and healing for a broken heart. And I didn’t think that would work, but I got it.
I wanted sleeps, and through the magic of hypnosis and herbs I am sleeping. More, at least.
Then I wanted to not care so much (or at all) about that thing. And while I still care about it, not weighing on me as much as before. I kind of think it’s all going to be okay.
Then better structures for RAWR Mondays! Feeling good about that.
And good wishes for Eclipse. I saw her but forgot to ask. So I’ll keep wishing!
Play-filled comment zen. Here’s what I’d love today.
- Wanted: Your own personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like.
- You can also do these on your own or in your head. You can always call silent retreat!
- Leave your gwishes! Throw things in the pot!
- Things we try to keep away from: the word āmanifestā, telling people how they should be asking for things, unsolicited advice.
- VPA amnesty applies, of course. Leave yours any time between now and next Sunday (or whenever, really) — it’s all fine by us!
xox
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Woo hoo! Signing up for the Floating Playground!
@Havi and Everyone,
Gwishing all your VPAs to happen with ease and congruence.
(Silent Retreat on mine, for today.)
What I want: a part time job that makes my heart jump up and down with YES.
Ways this could work:
– I could find one on the internet, apply and get it.
– something I’ve already applied for could suddenly work out
– someone I know could need me to work with them or they might know someone
– someone I don’t know might meet me in an unexpected place like the grocery store and just start talking to me and next thing you know we are working together
I’ll play with:
– paying attention to other areas of my life that are YES so I know what YES feels like when it happens
– listening to the NO and acting accordingly
– being clear about what I want and not feeling bad for wanting it
– looking and talking about what I want whenever it feels appropriate and safe (like here)
Yay for puppies and new things and the right people finding their right place!
My VPAs.
Update on last week. Cat! Kitty is feeling safer, and coming out more and giving snuggles and sleeping on my bed and not scaring me too much with her tiny bird-like eating (eating like a tiny bird, not eating tiny birds.) My wish is that she continue to settle in, and maybe come hangout downstairs with me.
I also wanted to keep working on the tiny project, and I am. It’s growing, and turning into something lovely.
What I want this week.
1) I wanted a sangha. I found one. There is a meditation group tonight at a church 30 minutes away. A totally non-scary UU church. So I found this thing I want and now I’m finding myself not wanting to go. “The session is too long.” “I’ll feel weird carrying my meditation bench in and I don’t like cushions.” “It is too cold and what if my car won’t start at the end or I run out of gas.” “what about dinner?” Are these monsters? Because they really don’t want me to go. they are even making up fake car issues. And what I want is to go, now that I’ve found it.
What I could do: know that the group will be there again in 2 weeks. email the leader to see if I could talk to her about it before I go, so I know what to expect. sit for 15 minutes at home tonight and feel the sangha of all others meditating at the same time all over the world. enjoy the loveliness of my home. make cocoa.
I think that’s all.
I’ve retreated so much this past month I feel rather lost, so I’m back here to get some routine again.
Thing 1: Reasons
Hereās what I want:
I’ve spent 30% of the entire week in tears. I’ve been experiencing flashbacks and nightmares; remembering painful situations and generally having a rubbish time.
And I have no idea why: Why now; what’s trigging it?
So I’d like some clarity on this, and perhaps some healing.
Ways this could work:
I’ve begun speaking about some of my theories on my blog; maybe someone will have an idea or experience that helps?
I can try to meditate, or journal?
I don’t know… surprise me?
Iāll play withā¦
My experience, and my use of labels/terminology.
Thing 2: Support
Hereās what I want:
With the above in mind, I’d like to have a supported week; especially tomorrow while I’m being inducted into a volunteering role at a Psychiatric hospital, and Tuesday when I have to lead two meditations (and thus spend time in my mind and body).
I’d like to feel loved and supported. Strong.
Ways this could work:
I’m being as honest as I can with my best friend and partner, asking for their support.
I can focus on laughter, listening to comedy shows and finding beauty around me.
Trying to keep calm at all times and remember that this day is just practise for the next day.
Iāll play withā¦
My experience, and my use of labels/terminology and try to get an early night, with my cuddly toys close by.
Thanks you, Havi, for providing this space.
Silent retreat! But working on my skipping stones and eager to see the mirror pool. (So grateful that past VPAs asking for easy sales and a job for DH have been answered so I can play)
Yay, VPA! Also Yay, Puppy Page!
Thing 1: Answers
Does spelling “whoa” with “h” at the end mean something different/something more than spelling it the usual way?
I know that sometimes creative spelling is used because the writer doesn’t know the correct spelling, but sometimes a different spelling or pronunciation is used deliberately, to communicate or indicate something.
I want to know this, but I am also letting this question be a metaphor for the question “Am I missing something?”
Ways this could work:
Ask questions. Be curious. Think and meditate.
What I’ll play with:
Stone skipping.
Research. Investigation.
Playing Sherlock Holmes.
Thing 2: Continued EASE.
With the idea of EASE in mind, with the EASE acrostics in front of me, things have been easier for me this week. I want that to continue. I want the superpowers of creating ease and of doing things with ease.
What I’ll play with:
Finishing the EASE acrostic pages for the Book of Me.
Making EASE posters for the house.
Planting reminders where I’ll see them.
Looking for other qualities that relate to EASE: comfort, play, lightness.
Thing 3: The Floating Playground!
I just read the Puppy Page and thought “Yes! I want that!”
Ways this could happen:
I’m expecting a check for almost as much as the FP costs, and I could dedicate the money to it.
There’s a monster voice saying “You’re already going to Rally AGAIN for the THIRD TIME! That should be ENOUGH!” It sounds like the same monster voice that tells me not to buy books that I “don’t need”.
I can have some monster conversations.
I can keep reading the Puppy Page!
I can sit with the desire.
Report on last week’s asks: Besides EASE, I wanted a chair for my upstairs work space. I don’t have one yet but I have a plan for acquiring one. I wanted “co-workers”. Further thought about aspects of the ask has clarified it and I’m re-asking. I also wanted a “partner in crime” and that hasn’t happened. But I didn’t take action to make it happen, so I’ll as again for that person to appear and also for the insight and will to reach out to find her.
I’m DONE with velleity! Sending it to the Magic Basement Steps!
Oh, almost forgot! Havi, on the Puppy Page, you said you didn’t like the word bonus. Instead of “bonus-y stuff”, you could offer lagniappes. Lagniappe (pronounced lan-yap) is the Louisiana French word for bonus-y stuff.
Wishing everyone good things, especially with the VPAs.
Hhhhhmmmmmmhhhhhmmmmm….. heart-sighs for everyone’s wantings. Warm, love-filled ones.
My want:
[+ capacity]
[+ energy]
[+ systems and structures and support]
I’ll play with:
[+ humility]
[+ surrender]
[+ action]
[+ living what I know]
[+ gentle, loving discipline]
[+ conscious entry]
[+ regular revue]
My want:
[+ clarity]
[+ trust]
[+ everything is okay]
[+ really, everything is okay]
[+ peace]
[+ patience]
I’ll play with:
[+ I don’t know mind]
[+ humility/infinity: infinite possibility!!]
[+ receptivity]
[+ openness]
[+ attaching to the ESSENCE of my day-to-day wants, not my specific ideas of how they should be delivered]
[+ yes]
xox
Oh wow. VPA on Sunday.
I feel very special getting to VPA on Sunday.
This is kind of a little bit chicken, too. I’m in my homeawayfromhome and getting to see my roommate whom I like and yay. Even as I simultaneously miss my sweetie and dogs and cats and chickens. (Yes, real chickens.)
I don’t remember last week. š
But this week!
I want people who have a thing that they want VERY BADLY to do or to change. There is just a leeetle time left for this. I’m offering this thing and I would like people to be able to take advantage of it.
Ways this could work: I can mention it here, link! and on Tweeeeeeter and on the FB. I can also extend the deadline a tiny little bit. And I can tell people here in my HAFH about it, because possibly someone will want to jump on it here, which would work out nicely.
I will play with…Trela, and saying it, and letting my enthusiasm shine because it’s so amazing to see people light up when they get something they only half thought was possible and didn’t trust themselves to do…
Thing The Second:
I want a sense of place, of being here in my HAFH.
Possible paths for the magic:
Connections! People I know knowing people and connecting us. The magic of going out and talking to strangers. Doing things I like to do.
I will play with: serendipity. Following my nose. Opening unexpected doors. Spending time in my office. Finishing touches.
Thing The Third:
yes to the word of the year!
Not sure how this will happen yet, but that’s part of the deal. š
I will play with: again, serendipity. The unexpectedly perfect. Not knowing how.
Love to all the people and all the VPAs!
VPA. Oh, VPA.
Thing #1: I would like to have a good relationship with our new dog that does not include her barking at me, or jumping on me, or chewing any furniture (or nipping me.) This sort of proxies into something else, also.
How this could happen: I could remain calm in the face of barking without barking back, being afraid, or being aggressive. A miracle opening at the dog training place could open up. I could watch that Dog Whisperer guy and figure it out. Or let it go and not figure it out but have it work otu anyway. Hug it out. Am open to anything.
My commitment: I will love her. She’s our forever dog. I will tap my Sovereign Self and see what she’s got to say on the matter.
Thing # 2: A Thing that Keeps Track of Things To Do
How this could happen: I could trip on the perfect metaphor. I could see what current systems are working. I could ask the Incubator. I could draw a story about it.
My commitment: Crayon Time with my boy. Processing with Rally questions. Maybe see if there’s a monster involved.
Good luck, fellow VPA-ers! š
Havi, I offer this up only because it came to me in answer to my own recent quest for the right name/metaphor for something I’ve been cooking up.
Tuning fork.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tuning_fork
It may or may not be for you and your congruency thing.
But there it is.
Oh, Havi, how funny/perfect of timing. This morning I wrote in the Book of Me that “the most important thing for me this year is to establish the routines that will bring my life into congruence with my dreams.”
So most gentle of heart sighs for you.
Thing before things – Puppies! Enthusiasm! Saying Yes.
Thing 1: Sovereignty. Again!
Here’s what I want:
To remember that I don’t need to wait on anyone for anything. That there’s plenty of other things to do, or putter on.
Ways this could work:
Notice when I’m sliding into letting other peoples’ schedules take over mine.
I’ll play with:
Writing words on my palms. My sovereignty ring.
Thing 2: Metaphors
Here’s what I want:
Metaphor mouse gave me some wonderful, fabulous stuff this week. I want to keep them in mind for when those things come up.
Ways this could work:
Make crazy rituals around each metaphor, so I can implement when I know those situations are coming up.
I’ll play with:
Theme music and costumes. And making entry and exit rituals.
Thing 3: To be ok no matter what
Here’s what I want:
Tomorrow night I’ll find out more information that might mean changing some pretty big dreams. Which would be ok in the long run, even if it hurts. But I want to be ok with whatever I find out.
Ways this could work:
Lots of plan B’s. Giving myself permission to grieve ahead of time, even if I won’t need to.
I’ll play with:
Gentleness. Stoneskipping. Stretching.
Update on previous VPAs:
I’d been wanting a better play space – that’s still in progress, but there’s progress! And I’d wanted a better way to interact with some clients, and its getting figured out.
@Havi whatever word you come up with for congruencing (that’s the word I’m using for now!), I want to borrow it because that’s what I’ve been doing since Rally! (Rally!), and it’s bringing so much happiness into my life! š
@FruitMaven I love this: “paying attention to other areas of my life that are YES so I know what YES feels like when it happens!”
@seagirl I’ve been so enjoying the updates on your new cat! š
And now for my own VPAs…I am going to list these in order from the simplest to the most complicated because that’s what feels right.
Thing 1
Here’s what I want:
To take a trip to New York City and Montreal in early February. For various reasons that I will Silent Retreat on, this is the absolutely congruent thing for me to do. It perfectly signifies exiting as I wish to continue and entering as I wish to be in it.
Ways this could work:
I’ve already looked into it, and the I can make this happen in a surprisingly easy way monetarily. I thought the timing was also perfect with work until I recently discovered that something might conflict. So I would like for this potential work thing not to actually fall during the time I would like to be on this trip. Or I would like to be okay with missing this work thing to take this trip. Being okay with that is hard for me, but Rally! (Rally!) has helped me realize that it is possible.
I’ll play with:
Changing patterns (hello, Shiva Nata)! Invoking the qualities of Trust, Ease, and Harmonious Timing.
Thing 2
Here’s what I want:
To launch Andy’s blog this week (except I don’t like the word launch, so Metaphor Mouse has deemed the blog launch to be Andy’s Ascent)!
Ways this could work:
I have posts written and photos ready to go, so I just need to actually post them in the new site layout my web designer created. Except, of course, my monsters – who were busy spending time in the garden of fractal flowers and rabbit holes – have now decided to come inside and throw a raucous party to freak out about this, so I also need to find a way to bring some enthusiasm and fun (and sparkly confetti!) to their party.
I’ll play with:
Throwing an Enthusiastic with my lovely Rallion allies! š
Thing 3
Here’s what I want:
In the past few weeks, I have had the chance to reconnect with a lot of wonderful old friends. This has helped me recognize all the love I had in my life at a time when I needed it but couldn’t find it because I was seeking it from sources that couldn’t provide it. There is a lot of old hurt and guilt associated with this, but I have actually been able to stay at the edges of the pain and see that now is not then. I realize that all this love is still here now, and I want to express my appreciation and reciprocate this love, because yay love!
Ways this could work:
I could talk to Past Me and find out what she wants to say.
I could discover the perfect medium (card, email, gift?) to send my message.
I could find the right words to say to the most wonderful person. Or I could realize that the words don’t have to be perfect to convey the love I feel.
I’ll play with:
Exploring the concept of love. Recognizing love. Receiving love. Giving love.
And, in congruence with that, lots of love to everyone here! *hugs*
“Doors that are closed need to stay closed. Not to be approached and not be knocked on.” Wow!
Maybe I leave one door closed this week, and think about opening one again… My heart ones do open the first door, and leave the second door closed, signs and my mind speak for really keeping the first door shut, and opening the second door again…
There’s a typing š My heart WANTS to open the first door, and keep the second shut, and it seems I have to do it vice versa, but who says “I MUST” anyway, what a horrible concept…
One more things about borders: I had this thing, too, recently very strong, and this is what is coming out of the whole process: Defining clearly what I WANT, then, it is like setting the borders from inside, the borders are like radiating. Before, I said, what I don’t want, and then I was afraid, if someone stepped in (the fear opened the door for them to stand in). the “direction of the borders” is different, either from outside in (fear), or from inside out (CLEAR VALUES AND WANTS). Could I express that well? I am working on my clear values, and what I want right now…
I’m in! I’m utterly broke but you KNOW you had me at puppies and Mary Poppins!
Re congruence: in the UK we say ‘getting your ducks in a row’.
I just had to stop back here to say that the question “What if Iām wrong about everything Iām currently assuming?” is blowing my mind right now! š
I decided to play with asking that about a certain situation in my life, and now I’m overwhelmed with the realization that all the limits I set on this situation are in my head. Things could end up the way I thought, or they could be totally and completely different! I could be happy any way this turns out, and just the possibility that this could go down a different path than I thought is so exciting!
Havi, sending happy-enthuse-sighs and puppy-boundings for your VPAs!
Things have gone blammo this past week and the mountain became monster-ful (as in, where did my Book of Me project go??), so I want one thing:
An ommalb ritual
Once long ago, I decided to do a “do-over” ritual at the beginning of the year, and it worked really well in reversing an extraordinarily poor entry into the New Year (which usually sets the tone for the rest of the year, for me). So now, I don’t want a do-over – I’m super-happy, just not getting the things I want done! I feel as though I need something to reverse the blammo, without touching the gorgeous entry and the way we’ve been in it.
Blooms for it:
– I could discover how to Ease on Down the Road.
– Saturn could move in a way to show me the path.
– I could discover just the right Drawing on the Threshold.
What I’ll Plant:
– Baby steps in Converse.
– Focus on small spaces.
– Remember that unpacking is a multilayered process, and not the same as putting away.
love love love love to all! hugs to those who want them!
Oops! No yellie html!
Much Oohs and Aahs and Hand-on-heart-sighing for the puppies and the Floating Playground.
Thing:
For a long while I wanted to find a new place to work, because doing the work at home wasn’t working. My favorite option was a coworking space. But for money reasons I didn’t go. So my sweetheart asked if there was a way I could go without paying and it worked out. You know just from the goodness of the owners heart. So that was a big yay for an unspoken VPA. So now I am going there, but everything is new and different and there are so many corners to bump into. So my ask is that I want to ease into the new situation and make all the things work that need to work, like food supply and working where people can see me and not freaking out and feeling guilty about procrastinating. I guess what I want is congruencing of me and the new situation.
Ways this could work
As always entering as I wish to be in it
experimenting and staying curious
permission
writing down things
What I’m committing to
patience and noticing
and tiny baby steps
Feeling raw today, so i’ll silent on a bunch, but here’s something I know I want.
WIW: To do more yoga. Hatha, vinyasa, nidra, etc. I’m really at getting my Flailing time in lately, but I can’t seem to make it to class or just do it during ghe day.
WTCW: I could schedule yoga class so that it’s a Thing on the calendar and plan the rest of the day around it. Sunday’s new free class at the new place fits the bill. I could plan some gentle restorative asanas and do them befoe bed, incorporate them into Exiting the Day rituals. It just could.
MC: To Flail on it. To ask my body and Future me about this. To see the deeper patterns to Not Doing Yoga, and be open to what they say. To keep the Desire to Do Yoga burning, becaue this is a very good impulse. To be open to doing yoga in different places or times than I would normally. To keep images and reminders of yoga around because i know it helps.
Gwishes for today:
Ease. Gentleness. Feelign cared for. The love and support or my Guides and Ancestors. Focus and clarity in thoughts and deeds. A protected heart. A yummy lunch. Coming home to happy children and no chores.
Thing 1: Letting go of a relationship
Ways this could work:
*I could wake up and not need her. Like magic.
*I could be open to finding someone else to fill that space/role.
*Somehow my logical side – that totally understands this – could schedule a meeting with my emotional side and see if the emotional monsters can be made happy.
I’ll play with:
*Allowing my logic hero to confront my emotional monster. Negotiate a treaty or truce.
*Leaving this be for awhile. Stop the brain, stop the analyzing, distract myself from it, perhaps it’ll move along on its own.
Boundless unseemly enthusiasm for puppies, and the Floating Playground! YAY!
1. What I want:
To write a story in 11 days.
Ways this could work:
Writing. Walking. Sleeping. But mostly giving time to the writing. Not being afraid of the writing.
My commitment:
To make this a priority, but not yet to make it a “I can’t do anything but write” priority.
2. What I want:
A good routine for this semester. Balance of work, school, social stuff, and Luminous Activities. Having enough time for all these parts, getting done the things I want to get done, being healthy, not getting behind on homework or half-assing things.
Ways this could work:
Making schedules and sticking to the schedules. But also knowing when schedules need to be tossed. But more often sticking to them.
My commitment:
To do the “changing patterns” dance.
Re: congruence. I agree that “tuning” is the perfect metaphor.
Also, the mention of operating under the assumption that everything is ok reminded me of Byron Katie’s “The Work”, which I just discovered and is very, very useful. (her site: thework(dot)com)
As for my (small) VPA…
What I want is: to resolve the “tired”.
What I’ll play with: listening to the “tired” and trying to find out why it’s there, what it’s trying to tell me. And letting it have its space… To fully feel the “tired” when it shows up.
Yes, Byron Katie will melt your brain!!!….. The YouTube channel is amazing to watch. It’s a leeetle bit ‘personality’ focussed in the way it’s marketed, for my taste, like ‘oh Kaaaaatie cured me’, but I managed to get over that because of how effective the process is at breaking down the take-it-for-granted ‘realities’ that construct one’s experience. I needed to find a lot of self-compassion to ‘work’ with it, which was hard for me(!), but have also managed to ark up enormous amounts of compassion for people who I would otherwise have continued to experience as ONLY violent, as ‘bad’ or ‘evil’, both up close and personally in my history AND in history, and now I can ALSO conceive that maybe they were broken, damaged, self-medicating, just a bit fucked up, and trying to address some basic, boring, normal, understandable, relatable human NEED, even if it was in really really fucked up ways. *many tears* but tears hurt less than anger and helplessness and sadness, if we can sit with it, I have found always dissolves like mist in the morning. And all that’s left is compassion. Which is a lot easier to live with. For me.
@VickiB – perhaps the floating playground will help provide co-workers and a partner in crime? just sayin š
VPA Update
I zippity-zapped through my writing as I wanted (although it was in the middle of the night; note to self: specify in VPA that zippity-zapping happens during the daytime). My boundary-setting happened mostly through intentional not-doing and that worked out. On the topic of fun – it didn’t happen last week but it’s happening now.
situational sketch
I am in bangkok! I am Bangkok! I am in Bangkok!
Also – I signed up for the Floating Playground!
Excitement and space is happening.
Groundedness and safety and promise and process and hope.
Thing one: Recovery
I exhausted myself. Also – things that just happened around me happened to be exhausting. So first I want recovery. Not just the shallow kind of sleep and no work.But the kind where I find back my taste for life. The soul recovery. The heartbreak healing. The one where I remember what it’s all about. ( i forgot i did – sometimes its hard to see)
I will play with – congruence. playfulness. rest. quiet. mindfulness. listening. sitting. intentional not-doing.
Thing two: Adventure
Or perhaps – recovery of adventure. Getting in touch with Adventurer me – the past versions and future versions. Making plans for the Trip that is Coming. Get a sense of what that will be like.
I will play with – openness and boundaries. stepping through doors. imagination. play.
Thing three: A Name
To name things is to see things but also to make things. I want a name for my blog that has been coming for so long. It has been ‘Embassy of Exploration’ but something isn’t right. Any ideas are welcome!
This is also a metaphor for Hope Recovery and preparing for Floating it Up at the playground and feeling supported.
I will play with – colored pencils! mindmapping and sitting and drinking tea and watching
*** Blows kisses to commenter mice and non-commenter mice and Havi! ***
Belated VPA. That’s ok, I’m calling silent retreat on the details. The short story is that I want safety in making the transitions real. they happened in my head and now I need to do the hard: making them happen for real. Ask #2 is to understand what my heart is asking about a closed door that has swung ajar.
Best wishes on everyone’s asks!
Look at me brazenly and shamelessly VPA-ing on a Toozday!
This is a special VPA.
This is a VPA for VPAs. I know that doesn’t make any sense, but: I have such a conflicted relationship with VPAs. I have such a hard time wanting what I want mostly because I’m confused about how everything is supposed to fall into place. I get things I didn’t want, which end up being perfect. I don’t get what I did want, but that also ends up being totally okay. So how the heck do I VPA? Etc.
Right now, I am in a huge transitional phase. I have to do a lot of asking other people for things in the next few weeks. This is difficult.
I am VPAing for VPAs. I want to know what it is that I need to want. I want to come to clarity and sovereignty so that I can ask the ask comfortably, lovingly and without attachment.
Gonna go scramble some neurons with Shiva Nata. May report back on progress.
Love to all VPA-ers!
Ohhhhh…
Something I want. I was going to ask for it here on Monday, and then something dreadful happened Monday night (it’s mostly okay now, but was very upsetting and hard) and that made it feel as if there was no way that the thing I want could be possible.
Part of the problem, a big part of the problem, is that the thing I want involves another person, and of course I cannot control the other person’s experience, the other person’s stuff. Another part of the problem is that I’m feeling vulnerable, because of the difficult thing that happened.
(Geez, I must have the most verbose silent retreats in the whole wide world. I’d say sorry, but instead I’ll remember amnesty and the safety of this space and just give myself a tender smile.)
So, I’m a bit of a mess right now, but let me give this a try.
What I want: To have a lovely, lovely day tomorrow with someone special who will be having a birthday that day.
How this can happen: I have set aside the day to be there for this person. The best gift I can give, really, is to simply be present and loving without being attached to any particular expectations or outcomes — to not burden the person with that. Oh, and also, I can enjoy myself, take care of myself, give myself a special day, because hey, why not?
I’ll play with: Playing! Self-care. Kindness. Sovereignty. And more playing. I want to be playful. I have an inkling that it will help. (Plus, I just like the word inkling.)
Love and luck to all your VPAs and gwishes, and a hope that things thrown into the pot become sweet and savory and delicious.
@ Hannah: I thought of that too!
I signed up for the Floating Playground!!!!! Bubbling with enthusiasm right now.
Okay, here’s a thing:
WIW: I want a “better” Morning Sit routine. After years of trying I have finally integrated a first-thing-in-the-morning meditative practice–grounding, openign the breath, checking in etc. Lately it has become rote and I fidn that an hour or so later, the intrusive thoughts are encroaching and my thoughts and emotions are ungrounded and unsovereign.
WTCW: I could try new things. Let’s change one thign every day for a week and see what shakes loose. I ask all of y’all, because I am very open to sage advice on this topic. I could Flail about it and keep asking the question, because I;’ve been asking the question fro a few weeks now and the question keeps becoming clearer.
MC: To keep Sitting and listening and beig open to what I hear. To give msyelf mad props for having integrated a morning practice like this at all, and for being so consistent with it. To remain receptive and playful with this. To go to bed early enough that this time remains available to me every morning.
This VPA was a hard one for me to address – been very avoidy around the whole thing. Now that I’ve got some words on paper and a little form to my gwishing, I’m so happy I can put it here to get a little of the collective go-juice š
So, thank you, Havi, for having this magic space, and thanks all of you for all your good wishes and gwishes.
What I want:
I want healthy, supportive flexible joints, specifically knees. I want to be able to climb stairs, dance, hike, run, etc. pain free.
Ways this could work:
-It just could. Magically and with no effort on my part.
-I could come across information on my own (i.e. ChiWalking) that would help
-I could get help from a health professional (doctor, chiropractor, physical therapist..?)
-Spiritual healing
My commitment:
-to revisit this ask weekly, and rework as appropriate
-to look at other avenues than physical (mental, emotional, etc.) and see if I can create some wiggle room there while being patient around the physical
-to tell my body that I love it every day
What I also (related) want:
A healthy relationship with a health professional(s). To feel that I have a doctor that I can trust, who knows what is going on with me, and will guide me toward the care that is best for me.
Ways this could work:
-I could do some internal work to get clarity around this – figure out what having this would feel like.
-I could get a recommendation from a friend
-I could go back to my existing doctor, aligned to the relationship that I want, and discover that I can have it with her
-serendipity
My commitment:
-Journal about what having this would feel like.
-Ask the fairy godmother question
-to revisit this ask weekly and rework as appropriate
-do some brainstorming around alignment with the relationship that I want
-to write a love letter to my perfect doctor