Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
Each week I write these VPAs to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.
I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!
Thing 1: Help coordinating a gigantic complicated project.
Here’s what I want:
So now that we have the new Playground space (YAY!), we have a crazy amount of work to do.
I’d thought this would mostly involve setting up the rooms, but the guy who left wasn’t happy about leaving and trashed the space completely.
It needs love and help. And a lot of paint.
We’re going to need lots of people. And also for people to bring materials. Like ladders. And drop cloths.
We’ll need people to move things and drill things and hold things.
And then we need a way to coordinate this whole gigantic project.
Ways this could work:
Maybe I could set up an event using our facebook page?
Maybe a Rally grad or friend of the Fluent Self in Portland will volunteer to coordinate this?
Maybe something else entirely?
I’ll play with…
Making the wish.
Working on the part that is my stuff — my disinclination to ask for help, my fear of vulnerability, my stuck around receiving.
Talking to my people and the roller derby team, because every time I see how excited people are to be a part of this, the more I realize that this is a community project. A project of LOVE.
And that’s a big deal.
So really this is two asks. One is for the help. And the other is to get better at receiving help.
Thing 2: Progress on the B&B&B.
Here’s what I want:
For a tiny sweet thing of mine to begin to take form and become a much bigger thing.
And for this to feel magical and tingly and exciting.
Ways this could work:
Rendezvous with Hope.
Taking it to the humming castle and singing to it.
Doing an OOD.
I’ll play with…
Talking to the monsters and finding out where our common ground is.
Thing 3: Let’s talk about CONTEXT.
Here’s what I want:
Oh man. I have a lot of things to say about a certain subject.
I would like to say them.
I would like to say them from the heart. Without judgment and without attachment.
From a loving, simple, grounded desire to give people context. Then they can do with that what they want.
And I would like this to happen in the most harmonious way possible.
Ways this could work:
Taking notes.
Doing Shiva Nata on it.
I’ll play with…
Putting it here as a placeholder.
Thing 4: Answers.
Here’s what I want:
Last week I wanted to devote some time to answering a question, and then that didn’t happen.
I set aside the time for processing, but then one of my people had a freakout, and I gave my time to that person’s freakout.
This really needs to get resolved before Rally, and I’m noticing that I’m feeling a little anxious about it.
So how can we do this?
Ways this could work:
Wednesday?
I’ll play with…
Reflecting on it.
Remembering why this is so important to me.
Finding out why it’s useful that I haven’t been able to do this yet.
Thing 5: Easy speediness!
Here’s what I want:
Last week I had a lot of this quality. And I want it again.
For example, I was able to write the Friday Chicken in forty five minutes instead of it taking hours.
Or I was able to get massive amounts of things done in tiny amounts of time, using nests and the chrysalis. Or by listening to the Director, and letting her tell me what to do.
Anyway, more of that please!
Ways this could work:
Focusing on this during my daily glow-sitting. Shhh, don’t tell the monsters that it’s actually meditation.
Using the beads.
Being clear that this is what I want.
I’ll play with…
Skipping lots of stones with the Director, and asking her questions.
Thing 6: ROLLER DERBY BOUT THIS SATURDAY NIGHT YOU GUYS!
Here’s what I want:
If you’re in Portland, please show up at the bout this Saturday night and sit with me. I’ll be the tall one in the outlandish hot pink wig, and some sort of crazy complicated get-up, probably black and pink and zebra striped. If you can’t find me, I’m probably doing the Shiva Nata warm-up for my team, so wait a few minutes and try again.
I know people feel weird about approaching me, but I’m really sweet. And so is everyone else there. You belong. So please come.
And obviously you’re rooting for my Guns N Rollers, so do not wear green or gold under any circumstances.
Bout goes six to eight. Doors open at five. Be there early. Do not be shy about introducing yourself. I mean, be as shy as you want, but talk to me. I’m happy to answer derby-related questions and explain what’s going on.
Be prepared for a really exciting bout, and to possibly lose your voice from yelling. And your mind from awesome.
Tickets are $14 and totally worth it. And you get to know you’re supporting the league and our amazing athletes.
Ways this could work:
I can put an announcement on the facebook page.
I can tell you guys here.
I’ll play with…
Wishing my wish for joyful, fun, exuberant community and shared experiences.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
Let’s see. I wanted a chrysalis and I got one. It was amazing. Infinitely more amazing than I’d imagined it ever could be.
I wanted secret invisible Playground play days, and yay! We had nine people at the one on Wednesday, and we’re having the Enthusiastic this Toozday. Love it.
Then I wanted to do something fun for Tu B’shvat, and that happened too.
A big thing I wanted was to write the answers. And that did not happen. So I’m rethinking that ask.
And I wanted to close a bunch of doors, and that didn’t really happen either. I’ll sit with that and see what comes up. All in all, feeling good.
Play-filled comment zen. Here’s what I’d love today.
- Wanted: Your own personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like.
- You can also do these on your own or in your head. You can always call silent retreat!
- Leave your gwishes! Throw things in the pot!
- Things we try to keep away from: the word “manifest”, telling people how they should be asking for things, unsolicited advice.
- VPA amnesty applies, of course. Leave yours any time between now and next Sunday (or whenever, really) — it’s all fine by us!
xox
Follow
Eep. Intimidating, this possibly being first commenter thing. But here goes…
Last week, I asked to close loops, and get more relaxation in. Discovered 1) when I set the intention for the day first thing in the morning, things tend to be a bit more relaxed. And 2) instead of closing loops, I have to actually get rid of a few more. Which I’m scared to do, because I need to tell two lovely people “This thing I said I’d do? I can’t do it. I am not doing it well, and I will pay you back and refer you to someone who will do it much better.” Because it’s killing me to do it.
So first VPA: Tell lovely people sorry and no. That’s even hard to type.
HOw this could work: I could write emails from the heart and hold clean boundaries. Be sorry, be honest. But also forgive myself.
My commitment: to send emails. By no later than Toozday.
Next VPA: A new writing project and client, out of the blue. Instead of knee-jerk “sure, yes, absolutely!” (which led to first VPA) I would like clarity on what the best thing for me would be. What the healthiest way to approach the project and figure out if it is, indeed, my project or not. How to either say yes as long as it’s (healthy, clean edges, clear outcome, no burnout, etc.) or no but thank you so much for thinking of me.
How this could work: I have no idea. I’ve never taken a breath and considered a project this way before. I usually look at my bank statement and then say yes-yes-for-the-love-of-God-yes, then crush myself. So whatever the opposite of that is, I suppose!
My commitment: To take deep breaths. To talk it over with trusted friends, but still listen to my heart. To go slowly.
Thanks, guys. And happy week! 🙂
I’m addicted to haiku-ing. So here they are again.
VPA #1
Weather very cold.
And impending ‘bear time*’, ew.
Nowanna feel sick.
(*thanks, Rhiannon!! 🙂
VPA #2
I want congruence
And clarity in business
Reveal yourselves, please!
VPA #3
Wanna clear away
Illusions of difference
May it be easy
VPA #4
Many versions of
Past-me’s in need of safe rooms.
With cushions and fleece.
Oh, I would love to be able to help with the new Playground. And I would love to be at the bout on Saturday! Cue Fiddler on the Roof music: If I were in Portland, daidle deedle daidle daidle daidle deedle daidle dum…
Last week, I asked for Things to keep moving in the right direction. And yes, I feel that they are. And I’m grateful for that, and grateful for the feeling.
I had to look it up, though, because I forgot what I had gwished for. And that’s been happening a lot lately.
There was a time when it was easier for me to remember my VPAs, when they would often set the tone for my week, when it felt like I was setting things up for myself in a lovely and helpful way. I would like to have that feeling again. I know it’s okay to forget, but I would like to remember.
So, this week, I am asking simply to be able to remember what I have asked for here, from now until next week’s VPA post.
Ways this could work: I can give the ask a bit of extra focus now. I can create a memorable image in my mind that will stay with me more easily.
I’ll play with: light-heartedness and faith in myself.
Count me and the gentleman in for any and all help around the new Playground! We have no drop cloths but he has a super spiffy new drill and I used to pay my rent by helping my landlord with house projects.
Plus the excitement. I have that in spades.
Also, we were already going to go to the bout, but now we have tickets! Tickets! And we’ll diligently eschew green and gold in our dressing. Eschew!
And, I have some VPAs:
Easy Transitions
So this next week is uber full. Much more full than I usually like my weeks, though in this case I feel really good about it. Possibly because I took bear time*. (*You’re welcome, Simone + universe :D)
But I would like to transition out of bear time and into the week with as much ease as possible. And I would like to transition into and out of all the mini appointments, outings, and other sparkly things happening with lots and lots of ease.
It could work by… remembering entry can be short! Cleaning things in mini bursts. Getting enough sleep. Trusting that my work can generally be done faster than I think. Letting my evening ritual soak up the parts that get missed.
And Love for a Project
This project is pretty much my favorite thing in the universe right. I can barely even look at it, I love it so much.
I’m not really sure what the ask is, but something like managing to keep loving this project as much as I do without going out of my freaking mind.
It could work by…remembering to take down time and to dissolve walls instead of banging my head on them and to drink lots of tea. Also letting the appointments serve not as interruptions but as things that secretly help move the project forward.
Sparkly fairy wings for everyone’s VPAs!
Hello, veeps. Warm wishes for all wantings.
Thing 1: SSSSs, ctd
Self-care. Systems. Support. Sortings. Again, continued, more please.
Thing 2: Descarification of
scarytwo projects.Dragon-taming: more please, doing what I need to do to get cash-flow going, debts fed and treasure piling up, and gwishing that the universe arranges all the bits that are out of my influence to enable these things to happen smoothly and sooooon….. *golden money fairy dust*
Closing doors, making space for the next phase: more please, doing what I need to do, shame-resilience, permitting myself to be loved despite my self-consciousness of things-I-am-afraid-make-me-unworthy-of-love.
Thing 3: Thing (Thing!) Care
Taking the time. Prioritizing this project as legitimate even in the midst of everything else. Letting A-grade standard work stand for ‘awesome’ rather than ‘acceptable’, B-grade for ‘bloody good’ rather than ‘bad’, and C-grade for ‘cuts the mustard’ rather than ‘craptacular and cursing you to the shame pits forEVER!’. (My idea being that a little bit of C-grade work still TOTALLY counts. This will be a VERY new approach for me so wish me luck!!!)
Thing 4: Little Lad’s program and resources to all come together beautifully and easily
Action. And magic Vhoooooooosh!!! He will be okay anyway he will be okay anyway he will be okay anyway he is doing so well already he is doing so well already…. Sticking with the REALITY not maternal-me’s frightened stories.
Thing 5: Freecycle requests to all turn up easily
Magic vhoooooooooosh!!!
Thing 6: baby to come out please
Are we theeeeere yet?????
Thing 7: a cream cake
Laaaaaahhhrrrlllll…….*homersimpsondroolnoise* #preggoandhungry!!
For many weeks now I haven’t written proper VPAs and now I find that I don’t really know how to ask anymore and am surprised at how many things turn up. Here’s what I would like.
VPA1: Working out my resistance to doing homework on yoga teacher training.
It’s there and I don’t know why. YTT is my tiny sweet thing and I had to overcome a lot of resistance and doubt externally to do this. But there is also a lot of internal resistance and doubt that is undealt with. I’m certain that YTT is what I need to do, but well my snarky inner scientist/atheist is having all kinds of problems with that (“astral bodies? seriously?”)
What I would like is for this to resolve itself.
Ways this could work: Stone skipping, figuring out how this mirrors my experiences on the camino and learning from that experience, Asking my co-students for ideas, finding clues and symbols to remind me to stay open to this, playing with scheduling homework time.
I commit to allowing this time of unease, to wallowing in it and learning from it, to trusting that it will all be right in the end.
VPA2: Clarity around this Business thing.
It seems that at least some part of my business thing is designing knitting patterns. This is weird and exciting at the same time. Lots of fears are coming up around this like I might be on the wrong track. And I want some of this to clear up. It might be related to some of the fears around YTT, fears of things changing maybe, of loosing my scientist identity. So yeah, I want clarity.
Ways this could work: Stone skipping, Daydreaming, building a safe room for scientist-me, building a safe room for designer-me, napping on it.
I commit to going slowly slowly on this thing and having lots of safety and play for the sad scared hurt parts of me.
VPA3: Readers for my new string blog
Whispers (http://thenakedalpaca.com). Maybe if I actually wrote blog posts people would come… Silent retreating on this.
VPA4: A daily practice of chickening, revueing and helloing
I’ve found the practices of chickening and helloing at the beginning/end of a month or week very helpful, but lately I have been rather dull about it. Come Sunday I hardly remember anything that happened that week. I don’t like it, I feel like there was more to my week than sits on the one little page. So I want to try to make a chicken list and just add to that all week. I also want to take more time to journal and revue in general.
I could experiment and make it into a mini-ritual.
I commit to being gentle with myself and allowing the essence of these rituals to shine through.
VPA4: Sovereignty at the old place.
I’ll be going back to the university tomorrow to get some help on my dissertation, which is close to being finally finished. And during the last year I discovered that what was so bad in the end at uni was lacking sovereignty. Everyone lacked it, the students the TAs the professors, the administration. It was a lot of “this is how we’ve always done it” and “I can’t/won’t do anything about it, it’s not my responsibility.” I was a part of that, but I don’t want to go back to that. So while going back to that physical place, I don’t want to go back to that emotional place.
I’ll play with entry and exit rituals and adding extra forcefields and allowing myself to fail if I failed and setting up structures to catch me if I exit this in unsovereign ways.
Whew this was a lot, seems to have accumulated…
Hullo!!
VPA’s are hard this week, actually everything is hard today. But I am in a safe place. Let’s try and hope it helps.
Thing 1: a safety helmet
I have been scared of going back, of meeting the supervisor. It’s all been piling up into a ginormous stuckness.
I would likes something like a safety helmet. Something that keeps me safe in case she is mad or mean (which happens).
what could work – perhaps i could buy an item. perhaps i could promise future me something fabulous for being brave enough to go there.
i will play with – i don’t know. talking to a monster. asking future me what she wants. entry & exit.
Thing 2: Nesting
I haz a new home. I’d love to spend some happy time being , feeling like there is time, there is always time.
what could work – some shopping. some working at home. some quiet times
i will play with – permission. play. recovery.
Thing 3: A good draft
This is the biggest and scariest ask. I’d love to write a mini-paper and also – it’s necessary.
what could work i don’t know – sitting still and breathing through. having good food around. entry and exit.
i’ll play with – superpowers. “except”. whatever helps.
Tossing a couple of Gwishes into the Gwishing Well.
-Please let me get this article done in the next twenty-four hours, lest my editor get stabby.
*PLINK*
-Help me finish off Chapter 2 of my book this week and maybe even create enough space to play with a short story.
*PLINK*
And despite the fact that one of my monsters is whispering that I’m asking for too much:
-Let me feel enough ease to paint again. I actually feel a piece of me crying out for that release. So let’s fling some paint around, eh?
*PLINK*
Mm… doing VPAs out-loud this week. Talking to fear-of-being-misunderstood has also somehow magically allowed me to stop lurking? Interesting that I lurk in the places I most care about. Hmm…
Thing 1: The Super Power of Putting Myself Out There
I have proposals to get out and things that need to be written which will eventually be out in the world and I think I needed all of last week’s destuckifying to be able to do them. Now I need to do them.
How this could work…
Lots of magical alone-time at the office (that’s a big gwish)
The projects could just be easy and fit into the spaces I have rather than taking days and feeling like pulling teeth.
I could magically keep waking up at 4 AM feeling refreshed and use Simone’s fabulous tapping technique to get me out of bed.
I could remember how good it felt last week when I wrote a guest post and there was sooo much positive feedback. And if I put more things out there, there can be more of that!
I will play with…
Creating spaciousness
Setting intentions
Talking to my projects and doing an OOD with one of them
Hmm… just realizing that I don’t really want much else right now makes me feel really focused. Okay, intention for the week is set!
Update from last week: I was running, but my feet were going “whiz clod, whiz clod.” I returned to the trails (instead of the treadmill) and now my feet go swish swish swish swish. This is better. And each day it gets easier. And I signed up for a 5K on St Patrick’s day so my wish this week will be that I find a bright green running skirt.
Silent Retreat on VPA #1 for this week.
VPA #2. I have lost touch with my money. Really I have ignored it. This week I would like to reunite with it in all its forms. I’d like to make containers for it and cover them with glitter. I’d like to draw and write and chart for it. I’d like to make it feel welcome and at home and safe to come and go and know that I know where it is at all times. I’d like it to feel safe enough to stay here, and safe enough to go have adventures. I’d like it to invite its friends over for a big party.
My commitment: To spend time with it this week between the gym, and the office and the outings and the meditation bench and the cat. To make it feel important and safe and happy. To have it be the special guest star on the show this week.
Mmmm, haiku! Mmmmm, tiny sweet B&B&B! Sending love to that.
Current VPAs
1. Cowboy boots: http://bit.ly/zTKogb. I am aware this is insane.
2. To create a few small things with magic that are infused with magic and offer magic to the recipients.
Past VPAs
1. Housekeeper. Not here yet. Did get a secretary though, and OMG. She can help me get a housekeeper.
2. Ease, rest, space. Instead, had hideous misery-and-compression post-Rally week #2. With a little space inside it.
3. More alignment with myself. Easy access to my inner compass and any other wayfinding equipment. It’s HAPPENING!
My commitment: The same for all of these things! Shiva Nata. Listening. Forcefieldforcefieldforcefield all day long. Asking myself: what feels easy? What could make this even easier? And doing that.
Also naps.
Hello hello VPAs! Hello my gwishing selves! Hello to other gwishers and VPA-ers!
*two-handed happy waving*
Lovelovelovewiggles to all of your VPAs, Havi. Wish I was there to go to Roller Derby!
@ClaireP, thank you for sharing – I found an permission slip for saying more please, which I do inside but not usually out loud 🙂
This week I shall not give an update on VPAs from last week because it seems like something else is going on under the surface. (Thank you, more please!) My Space ask from a few weeks ago is still going strong and I value that a LOT, so I shall instead do a bunch of rethinking and rephrasing of VPAs for this week:
#1 – The House Quirktastic
We are still waiting for final news regarding House Quirktastic. It’s not yet rented to someone else, and the agent is still keeping us in the loop, so we have reason to believe it is still working on us. We really want a positive answer and are pretty much willing to wait for a positive.
Blooms for it:
– The landlord’s attorney could realize how perfect we are for the house.
– The house itself could refuse anyone else but us.
– It could just bloom on its own.
What I’ll Plant:
– I’ll continue to imagine us all in the house.
– I’ll continue to do Space-magic. (discovering it in the first place was a happy inadvertency!)
– I’ll encourage the lovelyman to help me in the Space-magic.
#2 – Letting Go of Comparisons
This has been around for a bit, and it is getting better, but it keeps coming up in my interactions with others in relation to writing and House Quirktastic.
Blooms for it:
– I could start insisting on Enthusiastics and letting the rest wash off.
– I could discover the “only me”s and “only it”s of things, not just individualities.
– I could make (instead of find) the key to forgiveness.
What I’ll Plant:
– I will Notice when comparisons crop up.
– I could start pearl-stringing.
#3 – A Metaphor For Superpowers
I still am Noticing a ton of odd Schtuff around the concept of superpowers. I am still hoping for Metaphor Mouse to help with this.
Blooms for it:
– I could solve the Schtuff.
– Metaphor Mouse could come up with a metaphor that includes all of the RAAR-ness of the word “superpower.”
– I could understand the real nature of “Super-” anything.
What I’ll Plant:
– Yet more work on the Why?
– Investigating the superheroines I loved when I was young.
and a new one:
#4 – A Vacation For Violet
Violet has been our coordinator/logisitics master/Commander for a loooong time. Long long time. Multiple decades of time. I would very much like for her to be able to get a break without making the rest of US fall out of cohesion. (I just made her cry, in the good way.)
Blooms for it:
– Someone else in the US could step up.
– We could easily and smoothly devise a coalition model.
– The bestest of solutions could lightningstrike us.
What I’ll Plant:
– Talking to the kids about what they need the most.
– Setting up individual time with the ones most scared.
– Digging into why there’s a resistance to the idea of Roll Call, not just the name.
Loads of love to everyone’s VPAs and hoping for terrific results for all of you.
Goodbye VPAtime! Kisses to gwishes!
Good morning everyone! (Unless of course it’s not morning, in which case, happy day or night!)
Updates Still not clear on the immersion thing. Perhaps I wanted immersion in my story, in writing, in preparing for grad school, in all of these things? in other things? I’m still looking at this want and trying to understand it. So, uh… maybe it was a desire for time to immerse myself in what I wanted? or perhaps to immerse myself in making progress towards my goals?
Thing I Want
Ways This Could Work
I commit to
Thing # 2
I want to know that my housing application is being processed. It doesn’t necessarily have to be approved, but I’d love if I received some sort of acknowledgement of the housing committee receiving my application.
WTCW
I don’t know and this bothers me. The housing committee could just send me a letter or email. I could logon to the school website and see if they sent me a message via the website?
I commit to Looking for patience.
Things 1 and 2: To feel confident and comfortable about the progress I’m making on Project R. To make peace with the projects being deferred to March and beyond.
WTWC:
* Past Me can remind Present Me how awful it felt when I wasn’t getting enough sleep
* Slightly Future Me can also speak up, about how she really wants a vacation that is a truly a vacation, as opposed to catching up on work in a hotel room
* integrate safe room ideas w/my WorkFlowy
* reframe self-narrative: what would it be like to hang out with Me Who Isn’t Stressed About Deadlines?
* Present Me could remind the You’re Slacking!monster that when I recently submitted only 2 poems to a market (instead of forcing myself to come up with the maximum 6), one of them got accepted.
I’ll play with:
* new hashtags for the WorkFlowy?
* flowers (virtual? sketched? verbal? real?) to the [don’t have word that works for me yet] of Abundance
* the reframing. Maybe a sketch or map is called for?
Wishing everyone assistance and abundance with their Things.
I want: to find the phrase.
How this could happen: My brain could whirr and buzz and spit it out. I could stumble across something that sparks the idea. Something in my pages of ideas could come together. I could get a glimmer of knowing. Magic and Possibility and Serendipity. I could play with words.
Things I might play with: Writing a love letter to the old phrase that I loved so very much and to the new phrase that I want to love even more. Reading my poem on beauty. Reading those two stories. Word play using that John O’Donahue book. Filling up on joy and delight and harmony and congruence.
Hi Very Individual Askers
Update on last week’s gwishes (I had to go look them up ’cause I remembered nothink):
I got started on plan for workshop. This went well for a few days until I reached temporarily immovable obstacle until Adman can find time to help.VPA # 1 is definitely for Adman to find time sooner rather than later. My commitment is to keep finding ways to stay out of frustration and not to nag him.
Not much movement on more clients yet. Want some!
Ways this could work:
Find an event to go to that attracts me (and therefore, my right people) so I can meet them and get to know them.
Friends could recommend me.
Second VPA was for compassion for self.
A standing order on that one. A permanent VPA for self-compassion. VPAs? I’ll have the usual.
VPA #3
I really really really want someone to buy our house.
How this could happen:
Doing all the obvious stuff already.
Someone could walk in, love it, and want to buy it now.
Friends and neighbors could find someone.
My commitment:
To practice waiting. To practice wanting. To practice asking. To keep letting go of beautiful house in the woods while still living in it peacefully.
That’s all folks.
Ooh, constructing and cleaning and painting time! We have a ladder! And access to all kinds of power tools! I have some serious gwishing to be the project coordinatrix because there is nothing I love more than a logistics puzzle, but right now I don’t perceive enough time in my schedule (given non-proximity in Earth Miles between my home and the Playground) to be that person.
So, my gwish:
Love and welcoming to the new Playground + proxy coordinatrix-finding magics for all the physical and emotional projectizing + ladder and painting crew participation when it’s time + enthusiastic easeful perception of time-finding and Playground-helping whenever possible.
Report on my VPAs
Well I got Playground time in a spectacular quick-whooshing kind of way! Wow. Thanks, VPA, for helping me get clarity on that. On my other VPA, not much perceived progress: still more resistance on the Reviewing the Revues or indeed knowing/practicing my entry/exit schtuff at all. Perhaps this could be my project for the Tuesday Playground playdate? Figuring out what this part of me needs? Yes. Into the pot with it!
New VPAs!
VPA #1: Perception for this week
This week has many unusual things in it. The Playground Tuesday. The new therapist appointment Thursday. And I keep using the word perceive and I want that to be my magic power this week!
Ways this could work
I could continue to insert the word Perceive or Perception at every opportunity, so far that’s been a cool experiment. So, more of that.
Also, revue time is always a good time for percepting and thinking about perceptions.
I could remember the ways that perception and routine go together, for me.
I could read the Processing the Process ebook again, about things Havi knows about perceiving and passages.
I could decorate a special card all about perception? And take notes about its helper qualities and the other esoteric stuff I want from it?
My commitments
Having this be the week of going to sleep early. Commit (officially!) to using Monday and Tuesday as official Weekend Recovery days. To letting this be a gentle commitment, above all: to build safe houses for the parts of me that are deeply frightened of perceiving too much.
VPA #2: Preparing the way
Two full weeks (and a little bit more) before the Floating Playground launches. I want to dedicate some preparation time this week!
Ways this could work
I could use my magic perception powers (aha!) to find time in which to be with the essence of the Floating Playground and my needs for preparation time.
This could mean: reading more book chapters at breaks, revisiting my notes from the Mirror Pool.
I could spend time writing what I know about the Sloop (which brings me to the Floop!) and dreaming about its first voyage. I could dedicate a particular writing-date or gardening-date to entry and dreaming rituals, perhaps.
My commitments
To know that this is part of it, indeed.
.
Okay. I feel (I perceive!) there are more asks hovering outside my line of perception, but right now these are the two I want to focus on, in the spirit of wanting more quality time with these desires, and in the spirit of weekend-recovery and honoring how many spoons I have to work with as a result.
Hello, hello, VPA-ers!
Last week, I asked for rest and I got a lot of it! It was completely lovely. I also asked for clarity about something important and got it in spades. So many spades that I suspect I might have secretly had it all along but not noticed. (Thank you, asking, for helping me find that.)
This week!
VPA #1: A negotiator
I have figured out that I need one in order to help me talk to my monsters about practice. But I cannot figure out who it might be!
Ways this could work:
I could think of the perfect negotiator!
I could find a way to do this without needing to know who the negotiator is. Like in the dark. Or by mail! Or one of my allies could check who the negotiator is and let me know how completely perfect they are.
Something I haven’t thought of yet!
I’ll play with: candlelit rooms. Non-scary hoods.
VPA #2: Specific sovereignty
Hiro precisely and beautifully described my pattern this week: I give someone the gift of fearing their unpredictability. I would like, instead, to come from the place of sovereignty and clarity and grace, from my seat at the head of the council room in my palace.
Ways this could work:
Safe rooms. Lots of them.
Queen-me could come to the front of the V. I could think of things that would help her do that.
I could reconfigure my forcefield.
I could bring allies with me.
Maybe Slightly-Future-Me knows!
I’ll play with: being curious about who I want to be in this situation. Saying “even though.”
VPA #3: Travel grace
Exciting trip! Extreeeeeeme logistical uncertainty! I would like to handle it gracefully.
Ways this could work:
I could figure out if there’s anything else I can figure out.
Adventurer-Me could be in charge for a few days!
I could look for the superpower of knowing that nothing is wrong.
I’ll play with: what I already know about what helps. Remembering about funny-later! Finding where Adventurer-Me is living these days.
Count me in for help painting and drilling things in the new Playground space! So much yay for this 😀
Silent-retreating most of my VPAs, except this one:
Tax-doing person, please! I have always done them myself but things are complicated this year with the business and the move & stuff, so I need some help. I need someone cheap and friendly and preferrably in NE Portland. I’d like this to be as ease-filled as possible. Things I’ll play with: asking fellow self-employed Portlanders for recommendations. Finding a portable home for the stack of relevant papers. Putting together a Srs Bizness costume which is sekritly silly.
Oh, the excitements, they are many!
We have power tools, and terrible flowery sheets that could easily become drop cloths, and lots of painting supplies. Oh, also we can hit Freecycle with some wishes.
Perhaps someone could make some kind of online project-schedule thingy, so volunteers could check in their available times and tools. Make each session a Meetup event? The size of the project truly boggles the mind. Surely we know someone local who does this kind of planning? I’ll think on that and reach out to the PDX scooter kids, who have grown up and (mostly) moved onto adult jobs. Also, if you want murals, I have a dear friend who would probably love to sketch up some possibilities.
Put me down for the volunteering brigade starting NEXT week, as this week is already very full. I have car and can do errands, too.
Past VPAs: More yoga is happening. In the morning I’ve added a couple of kundalini moves to my Morning Sit. In the evening I stretch and do gentle, end-of-day yoga (no vinyasa!) I made it to the free community class twice and loved it and our lovely Russian instructor (who pologiozed for her heavy accent, and I had to laugh, after spending hours with Andrey and the SN DVD). So MoreYoga is happening, with Ease, Sovereignty and No Money to speak of. (I promised myself that if I really started doing yoga moreoften on my own, that I would pay for a class-pass this spring).
VPA # 1: Storming the Castle
Really, finsihing my manuscript to send off to my editor. This is a big, scary project with high stakes, and I’ve got Monsters, resistance and Narratives of DOOOOOOM to battle, not to mention the house/children/family demands that do not accmodate my needs when I have food poisoning, let alone when I’m doing something as trvial and unimportant as Working My Craft and Developing My Career as a Writer–all before I can even put my ass in a chair to work.
WIW: I have to deliver this thing May 14. I want to feel Sovereign, engaged, unconflicted and happy while doing it. I want the Time and Space to do this right. I want not to have to fight with my husband and kids for every minute of worktime. I don’t want this book to become a battle of wills between me and all the people I have to take care of.
WTCW: Flail. Talk to Me Who Already Stormed the Castle (that was very helpful). Set aside time on Friday and don’t let this time get taken away. Make time on the weekends too. Commit to leaving the house on the weekend, because that might be the only way the work will get done. Ask for help from the Ancestors (many of whom WERE writers) and the Guides and LISTEN to what they say. Be prepared to do 10 or 15 minutes at atime, rather than the hours that FEELS more like being a real writer. DO NOT trade rest for more text-time, you will likely need to do that work again.
ICT: Flailing. Writing. Using my outline and work schedule as an aid, not a whip. Not nagging the family about my writing time. Tell them in a family metting: This is happening, this is what I need. And if they dont help, just lock myself in the bedroom with the laptop.
VPA #2: The End of Shabby project
Hmmm, better silent retrat on this. Stay tuned, this iss till kinda vulnerable.
So wish I could be there to help with the new Playground.
But, do not live anywhere near. Sigh.
@Havi, please let us know when the work-dates turn out to be so we can plant timely Gwishes for you and all your helpers.
Would so very love to help, but can only send sparkles from here!
This week I’d like to develop two fabulous superpowers!
The superpower of Quickly and Easily Seeing the Perfect, Simple Solution!
and…
The superpower of Being Present in the Moment.
And really, I think those two things would more than do me this week 🙂
Greetings, VPA’ers!
What I want:
Home. On two fronts:
1 – to live and love in. I’m going to keep the details to myself for now.
2 – for my business. The space I currently sub-lease works bc it is in a good location, has parking, and is super convenient for me. What doesn’t work is that there isn’t quite the space I want in it for all the things I’d like to do with my clients, it is quite noisy at times and it isn’t beautiful.
Ways this could work:
1 – again, keeping quiet.
2 – I could meet someone with the perfect space who wants to sub-lease for 1.5 – 2 days a week (with some flexibility built in). Perhaps my Home #1 desire could come with the perfect space built in or attached. Perhaps something else totally unexpected and magical could happen or become possible.
Ooh! I could talk with Elizabeth about how to bring more beauty into the space I do have. She’s awesome with that stuff!
Things I’ll play with:
Noticing and interacting with all the stuff that the concept of home brings up in me (both the awesome and the hard). Shiva Nata perhaps. Wandering through neighborhoods noticing different homes. Speaking with my guides (both real-life and spirit) and asking for their assistance and guidance with all of this.
AND! Helping the new Playground come home to itself however I can. I’m damn good with a paint brush (trimming in particular). 🙂
*kisses*
Yay for VPAs!
What I want: Goodness. I think I’m moving more quickly into self-employed-ness than I’d thought. So I’d like for my future coaching and photography calendar to begin to fill up with just the right people.
How this could work: The consultation calls I have scheduled could turn out to be people who need exactly what I offer. More-perfect-than-perfect referrals could continue to roll in from glorrrious past clients. I could be more vocal about the fact that I’ll soon be able to take on more clients. Maybe reach out for mental support to friends who have made a similar transition?
My commitment: To hold vision and faith. To dream audaciously. To serve everyone my business comes in contact with with kindness, compassion and magic.
Sending love to all the tiny, sweet things here. And sparkles to the glorious new Playground.
I’ve been (quietly, mousefully) asking for a day off for a while now–and not just a day off, but a truly restful, rejuvenating day–with an entire, whole, long nap. Possibly with acupuncture involved. And delicious tea that fills my belly with sweetness. (Not sugary, but a sense of good.) Along with some, ah, digesting. Processing. Closing? Maybe, please?
Chances are–this might happen this morning. Yay! Starting off with super slow claire de lune shiva nata.
Received a huge, beautiful, if still a little scary and complicated present regarding my child’s ongoing medical stuff. So much love, so much thanksgiving, so much hope. I pretty much got everything I asked for-he’s in the best possible position he could be in for his condition. *joy*
And, teaching first Shiva Nata class tomorrow morning. To brainy, gifted and aspergers third graders tomorrow. My kin(d)dom for a cool costume. HMMM…
Blessings.
Love,
Missy
@Kylie “To dream audaciously.” I love this! I am writing this on a popsicle stick permission slip (neon popsicle stick courtesy of Simone!) to reassure my monsters who have been most vocal lately about how my dreams are simply ridiculous. But my dreams are not ridiculous, they are audacious, and that is awesome! Yay! Thank you for this! 🙂
As for my VPAs, I had a crazy, transformative week of travel, and I am still processing a lot of it. Hence, the VPAing on Toozday! 🙂 So I have a million gwishes running through my head, but they are whooshing by so fast that I can’t clarity on most of them. (Flailing would probably help with this!) But here are the things that stand out as most important!
Thing 1: Location
Here’s what I want:
I am feeling more and more that I am not in the place where I am meant to be. I believe I know where the place I am meant to be is, but I do not know how to get there. I keep visiting where I am meant to be, and every time I go, it just feels so right. So I want to be there, whether visiting all the time or actually moving there.
Ways this could work:
I have absolutely no idea. There is so much wrapped up in this, since it would affect everything. There would be doors that would have to close that I don’t yet feel ready to close. But shutting doors could lead to possibilities I’m not even aware of yet. I would like to trust that this will work out and that my audacious dreams will lead to this happening.
I’ll play with:
Doing the OOD on this because there is so much to be figured out in both the hard and the soft.
Thing 2: Connection
Here’s what I want:
There is a connection that I made that I don’t want to lose.
Ways this could work:
Write a letter.
I’ll play with:
Trust. Believing that time is magic. Recognizing WEAR vs TEAR and not jumping to conclusions – or at least noticing that I am jumping and realizing that perhaps there are options that I haven’t thought of yet.
Thing 3: Appreciation
Here’s what I want:
To tell people who have impacted my life just how much they mean to me. I have been meaning to do this for a while now, and I have a whole list of people to appreciate, but I have been stuck and haven’t figured out why. So I would like to know where the stuckness is coming from so I can move past it and share my appreciation.
Ways this could work:
I am already starting to realize that the stuckness involves being a perfectionist about finding the words to say. So I could trust that the essence of what I want to say will be conveyed without needing the perfect words.
I’ll play with:
Talking to Slightly Future Me
Thing 4: Action on Audacious Dreams
Silent Retreating on the rest of this for now, but I just want to plant it here!
Yay to the new Playground space and love to everyone’s VPAs!
Thank you to Kylie and Kate for “audacious dreams.” I’ve made a new EASE-crostic using audacity.
I wrote a lot of VPAs yesterday in my journal, and I won’t post them here, except these two:
Thing 1: Clarity.
I am beginning to prepare for Rally. This week I want to Set Things Up for EASE for myself for traveling and for EASE for MrB while I am gone.
I ask to be able to see clearly what will contribute to that ease, and what needs to be done.
There are some things I know already, like drinking a little more water than I normally do so that I am well hydrated before the flight and will not need to drink extra that day, with the consequent inconvenience … you know the one I mean.
I know that I need to set up a list of allies and helpful people that either of us can contact if something comes up.
But what else? What else?
What I’m going to try:
– Reviewing the revues of past travel.
– Asking MrB!
– Talking to the Me Who Has Returned from Rally.
Thing 2: Travel Ease for Sunday because I’m flying to PDX for Rally.
What I want: Good weather. Appropriate clothing. Airplane seats where the so-called head rest doesn’t push my head forward so that I spend hours chin-to-chest. The miraculous power of being able to sleep on the plane! A comfortable bed in a quiet room.
What I’m going to do:
Cross my fingers and hope!
Pack some clothes in a pillowcase so I can take them out of my carryon and use them as a cushion so that the head rest is where it does no harm!
Good wishes to all with your VPAs, especially the ones that we silent retreat on. Audacious dreams!
What I want:
To stop feeling frustrated, guilty, pressured, that there is something wrong with me in relation to a particular situation.
I’ll play with:
Being aware of how I feel, and just feeling it, first and foremost. Being aware of thought ruts and when I’m in one. Examining the beliefs behind the frustration and pressure. Practicing healthy habits. And a couple other things I’ll call silent retreat on.
… I am blown away by the idea that Friday Chicken sometimes takes hours to write. I had no idea. That just made me realize why I’m not doing it – because I sit down for five minutes and go “uh, i dunno” and then get up again without writing anything.
Now I’m thinking about how much time I think is “okay” to give to things like Chicken or VPAs, and why I think that doing those things “shouldn’t” take long. Even when I know I want more clarity and that writing Chicken or VPAs would be ways to start getting more clarity. Huh. Maybe a monster conversation is in order. 🙂
I’m still happy that it came with easy speediness for you Havi. Sending easy speediness for everyone who wants it! Sending slow-down-and-think to anyone who wants that! I’ll take some of each please…