Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
Each week I write these VPAs to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.
I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!
Thing 1: Rededication of a space.
Here’s what I want:
My pirate queen quarters at the Playground.
They are the heart. They are the helm. They are the bridge. Where the genius is supposed to happen.
But that’s not what it’s like in real life.
Despite all my best efforts to not let this incredibly important space become storage, that keeps happening. This needs to change.
And this space needs a re-dedication.
Ways this could work:
With words.
Maybe a new metaphor. Maybe a new story.
Muscle testing. Shiva Nata.
I’ll play with…
Talking to Ath. She knows best.
Thing 2: Similarly…. changes to the Playground Caboose.
Here’s what I want:
Now that we’ve been decorating the new Playground (today we painted the Toy Shop!), I’m noticing all the changes I’d like to make to the current Playground, in the process of becoming the Playground Caboose.
But all my time/money/attention is going to the new space.
I’d like to make some symbolic congruence-filled changes to the upstairs Playground.
Ways this could work:
Time.
Time.
Time.
Time.
I’ll play with…
Interviewing the me who has already done this.
Thing 3: The Wiki. Help?
Here’s what I want:
We want a wiki to track all the stuff that is happening at the new space.
Where multiple people can easily access and edit.
Most of our people are relatively tech-savvy but we still want something that doesn’t require a lot of explaining.
So I want the right software to volunteer itself, the website to be set-up and implementation to begin. It’s a lot. But I’m asking.
Ways this could work:
I asked at the Twitter bar.
I’m asking you guys.
Note: WIKI. Not Basecamp, please. That’s not what I want.
I’ll play with…
Trusting that the right thing will reveal itself.
Thing 4: 2013 Rally dates.
Here’s what I want:
Pretty much all of this year’s Rallies have already sold out.
Rally! Rally is transformative and crazy and wonderful.
There are a few spaces left in June, July and September. And that’s it.
Next year we’re only going to do FOUR Rallies.
And then we’re done. No more Rallies. Or at least: no more Rallies that I’ll be [verb]-ing.
So I want the dates. I want to announce. I want these to fill up right away.
Ways this could work:
This could happen at the March Rally (Rally!) .
Or maybe I’ll have a mini-epiphany about it this week.
I’ll play with…
Readiness.
Thing 5: Swift, ease-filled resolutions to potential challenges.
Here’s what I want:
Lots of perfect simple solutions.
Ways this could work:
Everything just falls into place. Solutions show up.
People decide to not be in their stuff. Or they discover that now is not then, and they don’t have to be.
I’ll play with…
The alignment technique.
Thing 6: Rally prep!
Here’s what I want:
A new way to enter Rally.
Ways this could work:
Giving the Rallions even more material in advance so I can change the Orientation.
And yes, I know I change up the Orientation at practically every Rally, but this is going to be really different.
I’ll play with…
Coloring in some monsters. With the Monster Coloring Book & Manual, of course.
Thing 7: [Silent retreat!]
Here’s what I want:
I’m not ready to talk about this thing that I want, which is why I’m on silent retreat about it.
But I’m putting this here to remind me how important it is.
Ways this could work:
Shiva Nata and then more Shiva Nata.
I’ll play with…
Noticing what I need. And maybe coming up with a proxy.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
I wanted a birthday chrysalis, and I got one and it was INCREDIBLE.
Then I wanted to mark things that needed marking, and that happened too.
I asked for more cloth to arrive at the Playground, and lots of you sent fabric, so thank you for that!
Next I wanted courage with a tough situation, and I got it in spades.
Finally I wanted to answer a question without answering it. I worked on that during the chrysalis, and MAGIC. I mean, I still haven’t answered the question. But now it doesn’t bother me, because I know that it doesn’t need a response.
Play-filled comment zen. Here’s what I’d love today.
- Wanted: Your own personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like.
- You can also do these on your own or in your head. You can always call silent retreat!
- Leave your gwishes! Throw things in the pot!
- Things we try to keep away from: the word “manifest”, telling people how they should be asking for things, unsolicited advice.
- VPA amnesty applies, of course. Leave yours any time between now and next Sunday (or whenever, really) — it’s all fine by us!
xox
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What I want: a few more very right people for The Secret Garden before it closes on Thursday.
What is between me and allowing this? Mmmmm. It seems that isn’t really what I want. I love the very right people in it, to be sure, and would welcome the new very right people, but I think that what I really want is to enjoy the happy surprise, delight, and joyful anticipation of the offering – and to celebrate it – and to feel like it was a success. The thing that is between me and allowing that want is thinking that what I want is the first thing when what I really want is the second thing.
What can I do to make this want welcome? I can re-read the page and connect to the essence of the offering. I can also fill up on glee and delight by looking at the photos for the card set for {the circle of aqua}.
Thing I want #1: ease- and permission-filled re-entry into working on my business. Exploring the idea of re-entry. Every time, it is different. Contemplating Now Is Not Then, interacting with my pain. Being curious about the patterns. Being gentle with myself. Deguiltifying.
My mantra, a variation on something Havi taught a while ago: everything that is mine will eventually come back to me.
Doing One Tiny Thing. Creating safety.
Thing I want #2: compassionate interaction with pains which feel overwhelming and stuck.
Oy, I’m getting LOTS of practice with this. Separating the stories from truth. Discovering openings. EFT. TAT. Emergency calming techniques. Shiva Nata. Safe yoga. Hugs. Lots of slow, deep, deliberate breaths.
Remembering all the different places where support lives. Remembering all the different ways in which it reaches me.
Thing I want #3: related to the two above, but more foundational: connecting with Love. Remembering where love lives in my body. Sending all of my pains to safe rooms. where they can play.
Even writing this VPA felt filled with so much pain and conflictedness. Giving myself permission to be in pain right now and lovingly noticing the shame and the why-does-it-have-to-be-like-this-ness. Giving myself a huge hug and loving kisses. Remembering that time moves things. Forgiveness.
VPA! I’ve begun to look forward to these.
Update:
Last week I asked for The Perfect Place to Live – and I found one! Kind of. The move-in date is September, so I still have 4 months of living to fill in before then (but the place is. perfection!). I also asked for time, which was really a way to ask for permission to take care of myself. It’s getting there. I asked for space for me-who-is-in-pain. That didn’t work out so well.
So, for this week, here’s what I want:
Thing 1: The Perfect Place to Live (Prologue)
A place to live from April 1st to August 31st, that has space for Bunny, and that is furnished, affordable and safe.
Ways this could work:
– More dreaded house hunting.
– More asking of lovely people.
– More asking of details over the phone or email, so that I don’t trek half-way across the city to find out that there is no furniture, or no sunlight, or extra utilities etc.
Things I might play with:
– Permission to be totally, completely, absolutely sick of this process.
– Permission to be overwhelmed at the prospect of renting without a job guarantee.
Thing 2: A job(– frickin’ goddamnit!)
A job that is not shitty. It *really isn’t* too much to ask, is it? Should not all jobs be un-shitty? Gah!
Ways this could work:
– Interacting with this wall of anger and stuck surrounding job hunt.
– Noticing anger, frustration, inadequacy.
– Repeating: you are not re-building the A-bomb.
– Listening to my instincts and not applying to places I feel will be shitty, even if this means resisting the idea that I am obligated to work in a shitty place because I have no choice, and even if this means ending up with no job.
Things I might play with:
– Permission! So much of it! Permission to feel angry, frustrated, hopeless, overwhelmed, scared, numb, nauseated, infuriated – all of it. Permission for all of it.
– Finding a proxy. Looks like one might be needed.
Thing 3: Easeful return to weight-training
Ways this could work:
– I could block out an hour between classes again.
– I could pack protein and carb-filled lunches.
– I could trust myself to do what is right for my body.
Things I might play with:
– Noticing resistance.
– Extending love to the hurt parts of me, that want to hang on to the hurt.
Thing 4: Space for me-who-is-in-pain
Sometimes there is so much pain that I don’t know what to do with it, or with myself. This pain keeps surfacing in all sorts of ways – old patterns, nightmares, breakdown of self-care rituals, neglecting schoolwork. I know that taking care of my pain will mean taking care of everything else too. But me-who-is-in-pain resists this idea, because she thinks she deserves to be in pain. So I would like to create space for her and this pain, without trying to wish it away.
Ways this could work:
– Noticing the pain. Saying “Hello, pain.” Welcoming it.
– Writing. Letters, poems, anything.
– Putting up a scribble-board inside my closet, to scribble on, uncensored-ly.
Things I might play with:
– Permission to do what feels necessary, even if, right now, this means old patterns.
– Permission to get frustrated with school, for not leaving any time/energy to interact with pain.
– Permission to cry.
Have a good week, everyone 🙂 Love to all your wants.
Hurrah for the new Playground & the changes that are coming 🙂 !!
No wiki knowledge here but it sounds like a great idea!
VPA update
I wanted more conversations with my project and I wrote some out in color. I didn’t finish the paper application; but the deadline is this week. What did happen is this: I wrote about wanting safety for this paper and a Safe Room for Collections of Words emerged at the Floop. And it feels different. So I am curious how this little seed will pan out.
Thing 1: A whole lot of Tizmun and Ease
The week is full. I have a meeting about something interesting I might want to do as a project. And I am visiting an official job market thingee that is supposed to help me figure out if i want to go ‘official’.
Oh and there’s the paper application deadline. Plus the looming supervisor (who needs a new metaphor… again!)
All pretty scary – but I’d love for the week to float by. I know it’s a lot to ask but I feel it could happen.
Ways it could work – i could pay extra attention to waking up and setting it up. i could have slow entries and exits.
invoking the super-qualities of March – shelter; familiarity. peace. presence. noticing. spring. recovery. permission. strength. protection.
Thing 2: Joy in all of that
Well thing 1 would really be enough. But more than that I’d love to enjoy the days and step out of the survival/recovery mode i’ve been in for at least a year but probably two.
Ways it could work – i could wake up early – but to do something FUN. i could eat oranges (it’s real and it’s also a metaphor/reminder of SLOW).
i’ll play with – anything! i’ll look out for Things that represent slowness and enjoyment.
Thing 3: Confidence in writing
It’s been gone for some time. This environment has not been helpful but I’d like the writing confidence back.
Ways it could work some more internal dialogues would help. some guarantees and safety nets for the monsters who fear we will get fired any day now.
I’ll play with – things that worked before, like deadlines. looking at papers I admire. building safe rooms. sunshine. a writing costume!
Bye!
*waves*
*sends fairy dust kisses*
Things and gwishes:
* for my book to find its readers
* good answers to assorted technical/marketing/logistical/physical challenges coming up. That include not expending more time/energy on them than they merit, but giving them the time/energy they do deserve
* narratives/habits of moving on to replace narratives/habits of loss
I’ll play with ways these could come about when I’m at the studio (first, because it’s 5 a.m. here and I want to go back to bed, and second, because I’ve gotten into the habit of writing “hello, Monday” during my shift — it’s helping me focus on what’s going to go right with my week, which is a nice counterpoint to the waves of Other People’s Stuff).
Wishing everyone a fine week!
VPAing isn’t just about practicing wanting what we want, but also about practicing being clear around what we want. I need more explicit wanting, so even though nothing is coming to my mind right this instance I will practice wanting. I could start with something small and innocuous. Wait isn’t that already a VPA?
I’ve asked this one so many times and seem to be making no progress on it: Sleep. I want more of it and better and… actually I want to wake up rested and fully present. That is the core. I don’t want to slug through my days in a zombie brain fog. Maybe wanting more sleep isn’t helping because sleep isn’t the decisive factor? Well I will ask for dissipation of the zombie brain fog. I will remember times that were free of zombie brain fog. I will maybe do research and talk to the monsters to see what they have to say.
I want less stuck around money. And I am silent retreating on the rest.
Happy Week with lots of ease to everyone.
I’ve been very much out of the loop for months. Jumping back in now.
Thing: Whatever it takes to make it through the next two weeks!
Here’s what I want:
– My laptop charger has died. My laptop lost all battery within five minutes.
– I have two pieces of work requiring printers, powerpoint, word and email. They need to be done this week.
– I don’t sleep without music. My music player will only last one night without being re-charged.
I am in anxiety over all this. I’m also moving back home for the holidays and it’s my dad’s birthday and it’s Mothering sunday this weekend in the UK… oh my goodness me. Halp!
So I want:
– daily charging for my mp3 player
– music for each evening
– to finish this powerpoint thing tonight
OR
– a spare Dell charger will find me tomorrow.
Ways this could work:
Someone I’ve messaged in desperation will lend me a charger for the next few weeks.
My housemate could be awesomely generous and lend me her laptop at night, despite her fears it’ll overheat.
I can somehow use my phone, while it’s plugged in to the mains for music at night.
Magic?
My commitment is to I’ll play with…
– My fear of the dark, of silence.
– My wish to read more (i.e. be on the laptop less?)
– The old-fashioned scholar method of dealing with free and quiet time..
VPAing on a Monday seems like a nice way to enter the week.
VPA 1. February was a very stuck month. When large logs and then small branches and then leaves and then dirt stopped the flow of the river. The large logs dislodged, finally, and then everything else could flow again but there are the after effects of that. Work slowed, money slowed, the downstream things were affected. So, I’d like to have those things cleared and to keep the water flowing.
Things I could do: More structure. Pretend I have a boss and keep a time sheet on my desk so if he comes by I can show him, “look, this is what I’m working on, this is how much revenue I’m generating today.” Also keeping the sticky note with my goals above my desk so that I know the same day if things are slowing, not a month later. Hold money meetings once a week instead of once a month.
VPA 2: Money fog. Sort of related to VPA 1. I was in a money fog in February. Back to bad habits. I realized it last week and go back into the light. Communicated with the accountant (yay for knowing the facts!), emailed the bookkeeper, logged onto the bank accounts and settled some things up. But I need more clarity and more contact. I still don’t have a good way of keeping track of my personal spending. I don’t have a budget. I don’t have a clue.
Things I could do: Make a simple excel spreadsheet that lives on dropbox so I can access at work or home. Spend some time looking at online services to track those (not Mint, and not Quickbooks), ask people here if there is something free-ish online to track these things.
VPA 3: Silent retreating.
Oh, so nice the reminder of questions that don’t need to be answered. Thank you for that!
This week I am asking for:
– easy travel
– happy reunions in Boulder and Phoenix
– new people! my new right people to collaborate with and work for
– ease altogether. ease and flow
I can help by:
– doing Shiva Nata
– asking is this necessary? do I want to do this?
– really looking at the relationship between complexity and ease. Can they co-exist? Let’s look and find out.
Past VPAs:
– I have been working with following my internal directives / guidance / marching orders. Still not sure what to call this. Still don’t have a handle on what exactly it is. But I’m not stumbling around totally blind. It’s in motion.
VPAs here i come.
Progress:
Last time I asked for the “just right” bag to carry stuff back and forth to clients. Nothing has happened with that.yet.
**instead of “bag” i first wrote “back” in that first sentence! And i guess I must of asked for the just right “back” because this past week there’s been all kinds of wonderful noticings and shifting about my back -how i feel and use it.
As for the house: Lots of people came to see it. One couple made an offer that was way lower than we can handle. so today…
I want someone to make an offer on our house that matches the amount we need to pay off the mortgage and a bit more for cushion. Obviously it wouldn’t hurt if they offered us even more than that!
how:
I could focus more on the fantastic things about the house – there are many- rather than worry about what a buyer might find “wrong ” with it.
commitment:
To preparing the house for a viewing with more ease and loving attention instead of cleaning with aggressiveness.
Patience dahling.
Hello all! @seagirl, you’re right – this is a nice way to start the week.
I would like clarity. I have a project I’ve been working on. But now there’s a new thing. And I think the new thing really is a piece that needs to come first. But I need to wait on both, probably, until I hear something later this month. And this is frustrating me.
What I can play with. Figuring out what can be done with both projects while I’m waiting. See if really one comes first, and why. Remembering that waiting a month probably won’t be the end of the world.
A better understanding of my relationship with my body. There are things I want to do. Habits I want to encourage. Shifts I’d like to make. There’s… resistance. Even though I truly believe this will be healthy for me, make me happier.
What I can play with. Looking at patterns. Interviewing future and past mes to see what’s up. Replaying Boring change and Yoga Nidra and seeing if I can make anything shift.
For my Book of me to be fixed!! The three-ring binder I use is having problems. And I don’t want to get another one! This one is all pretty and decorated! But the top ring isn’t closing, and papers are getting caught and torn. Meh.
What I can play with. Stomping my feet. Bashing it with pliers. Possibly even taking a deep breath and considering decorating a new Book.
Sparkles and magic all around!
@Havi — could wikispot.org be helpful? It seems very straightforward. Someone I work with sets up wikis for everything, and a group of us used it for business-y “things we all need to keep track of” stuff.
Last week, I asked for destuckification and self-care. It turns out I needed the second before I could get the first, and it never even occurred to me that I wanted stuff to get done AND self-care and I wanted both of them to be huge and at the same time. But I had burned myself out enough that I needed to refill the well. So not a lot got done, but I saw my patterns a little more clearly.
This week:
VPA #1: Stuff in the Hard. I would like to complete one critique, get to page 200 on my revisions, and finish taxes.
What this could look like: I could set the time and then STOP. I could ground in my body first and use conscious entry. I could focus on little goals instead of end goals.
My commitment: showing up.
VPA #2: Stuff in the Soft. I’ve discovered a sort of disturbing monster. Silent retreating on details.
Thanks, guys! 🙂 Happy week!
Hello hello, VPA time – I welcome you and make space for you.
Gwishes for everyone’s VPAs, that they come alive in precisely the way that will best serve your goals.
Havi, I’ve successfully used Wikispaces (http://www.wikispaces.com/content/student or http://www.wikispaces.com/content/private-label/business) as a secure, hosted wiki with not-so-tech-savvy people, in case that might work. I can help if that would be of use to you!
Update on last week’s VPA – No better space so far. Still putting out that ask.
New VPAs this week:
#1 – A Way To Ask
Maybe it is because we haven’t found our way to the right space yet, or maybe it is the way I’m asking, or maybe it is simply not time yet despite our absolute assurance that WE NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE ASAP… we just need some clarity into whether its the ask model or if its what I’m asking for.
Blooms for it:
– Start talking to Slightly Future Me.
– I could find the mental space to do an OOD.
– I could find the Ask that works.
What I’ll Plant:
– Appreciating the selves that have been participating in looking.
– Continuing the thanks and psychic hugs to the current Space for being a shelter for the past year.
#2 – A Larger Context For My Thing
I know what my TST (Tiny Sweet Thing) is, and I know what I have to do to get there, but I have not had the best of time figuring out how to contextualize it on my blog or elsewhere in my life. I have a strong pull to do this so my TST isn’t shoehorned into a corner away from the rest of my world.
Blooms for it:
– My TST could tel me what its context is.
– I could find the Key to expressing my TST.
– I could figure out a way to fit the spirit of my TST in a capsule and post it.
What I’ll Plant:
– Immersing myself in the world of the TST, every so often.
– Loving the components of the TST.
– Teleporting to the Idea Cave.
Tons of hand-on-heart sighs and love for everyone.
Goodbye, goodbye VPA time, and thank you for being with me.
Hey — I have a decent amount of experience using a wiki (http://twiki.org/) in a collaborative setting. I suspect that my use case is very similar to yours. Ping me if you want to learn more! I could show you what it looks like if you wanted, or chat with you about using. (Or tell Richard to ping me.)
Cheers,
Marisa
I’m thinking about this week as the week of Not Too Much, after last week’s lots & lots of everything, and I think I’ll throw that into the pot.
Not Too Much
What are the essential things? Getting back into the groove, humming my happy hum as Havi puts it — singing my little songs. Feeling rightness and happiness.
Elements:
Return to Tea Land from my sojourn on Coffee Island
Packing lunches, general erev Book of Me goodness
Less screen time in all its forms
Remembering the good idea I had about evening stretches
Return to the Revue
Writing a Book of Me page about the grant & presentation
Making space for the next things
Making space to return to things (piano, quilting, biking, walking, writing in other spaces)
I’ll play with: remembering the good stuff in the Book of Me about restful evenings and screentime reduction, and playing with implementation. Remembering the Library of Tea! Especially in the afternoons.
From last week…
I went to look up my paper VPAs from last week and was happily surprised, having completely forgotten what they were (as usual). Two huge things: accomplished! With fewer shoulds and worries than usual. Writing a VPA about needing alignment with two ideas/containers ended up itself being the alignment exercise, which is neat, though I didn’t realize it until later. Note to self: rereading VPAs is really cool in general just because Past Me has so many ideas! So many tools and possibilities! I’m going to try to remember that.
Happy VPAing to all!
I want to find my inner Virgil. Dark forest: leopards, lions, and she-wolves, oh my!
Ways this could work: I could interview him. I could skip a stone. I could print out a picture and talk to him.
Monday, you have taken me entirely by surprise. Whoa.
What I want: Being here, now.
Ways this could work: I’m not entirely sure. Sleep could happen. There could be just the right pockets of time for just the right activities. One thing at a time.
I’ll play with: 3 minutes of presence. Doing some work around arriving from my weekend away (since I clearly haven’t entirely arrived, even though I’m physically here). Magical energy stuff.
Thing 2 that I want: Fun times with the planning of gettin’ hitched.
Ways this could work: Lists. One thing at a time, again. Focusing on the way way fun parts. Squealing as much as I want about the fact that my name is going to change! Wheeeeee!!!
I’ll play with: Open-ness to whatever the food situation ends up being. The chance to be majorly playful. Long strands of fake pearls, perhaps.
Sending love to all these glorious VPAs here.
About the wiki: I use and really, really like Dokuwiki – http://www.dokuwiki.org
It’s light, fast, simple to install and maintain, open source, and it has a WYSIWYG editor. Oh, and it can be used as a closed/private wiki out of the box. It doesn’t get much better than that. 🙂
What I want:
A productive but not stressful spring break. Which is *right now*. I want to clean the house, I want to write a story, I don’t want to get bogged down or too procrastinatey, I want to enjoy myself, I want to see some people (Mom? Kate?) I usually can’t see, I want to read books, I want to eat healthy delicious food, I want to spend time with my boyfriend, I want to do some of the things on the list of doom! I mean, the Soon-and-Very-Soon list. Did I mention write a story?
Time is this slippery thing that so rarely seems to get along with me. I don’t know how to make it work, except to keep writing VPAs every week saying I want me and time to get along.
Ways this could work:
See how much cooking and cleaning I can get done before bed tonight. Do a writing retreat tomorrow. Prioritizing, like I have been, which has been going relatively well.
I’ll play with:
Setting the scientists on gathering data, doing experiments, finding methods to best utilize my time.
Update on previous VPA:
I wanted to find a new roommate, and I’ve gotten the word out there and am starting to hear back from some people. But it is difficult to know which people are worth following up on. And so I still want to draw the right person to me, and find them and know that they should be my roommate, and have the lease and this summer and everything all work out.
Want 1: FREEDOM! More free time and flexibility. More spontaneity.
What I Can Do Toward This Want: TRUST. Stay flexible. Stay open Trust and have faith that I can have fun, do life and live expansively without being “punished.”
Want 2: Financial Freedom
What I Can Do Toward This Want: See above! Trust and faith once again
Want 3: Travel. I want to go somewhere new.
What I Can Do Toward This Want: I think this will come out of Wants 1 and 2.
Want 4: GRATITUDE EXPRESSION
What I Can Do Toward This Want: Say it loud and clear: I am so grateful for the loving people in my life, for my gorgeous and brilliant son, for my loving and hysterical boyfriend, for the inspiration to write this book, for the generosity and trust of the book participants, for the publication of my first short story, for the opportunity to teach a college class in the fall, for loyal friends who stick with me through the bad times AND the good times, for my lovey dog, for the nice spring weather, for the chances to run the past week, for friends to run with, for so so so so much. THANK YOU.
Hello, VPAs 🙂
The Thing: Playfulness! Fun! Lightness! Good cheer!
Ways this might work: The more I think about metaphors, the more I’m coming to think my House of Language is a Metaphor tear-down. Amazing how nose-to-the-grindstone grim my default metaphors are. So: New metaphors! Plus being mindful of the old ones as they crop up (without getting all judgmental about any of it.
What I will play with: Words. Metaphors. Questions.
I don’t even remember what I VPA’d last time. I feel like I’m in a totally different place now, so much has happened. MrB was hospitalized twice in the last week, and the Boomerang Boy was in the emergency room, and I’m noticing a lot about how that affects your priorities.
Thing 1: Priorities.
What I want: to remember the priorities that came to the fore during this difficult week and to keep them as priorities.
What I can try:
-Writing about them. On the Floop or in my journal or both.
-Planning about them.
Thing 2: Adjusting to the New Normal
When MrB comes home, some things will *have* to be different. I want to adjust quickly and easily to that.
Ways this could happen:
– with EASE
– with planning
– with lots of input from Those Who Know
What I will do:
– gather information.
Thing 3: Movement on a bunch of things that need movement
What I want: I want to give some love and attention to some projects and some house things that have been waiting patiently for a long time.
Someone’s post on the Floating Playground reminded me of one of those, and that in turn reminded me of others. I can’t act on that one but maybe one of the others…
What I will play with:
-opening the windows to let in light and air
– exterminating some iguanas
– fractal flowers
– playing with my mental blocks.
Thing 4: self care
What I want: while MrB was in the ER, I made a point of doing what self care things are possible because I knew that taking care of myself would help me provide better care for him. It is easy to let that go when I’m running between the hospital and my work and my home responsibilities and other commitments. But it’s important that I continue to take care of myself.
What I can try:
– drinking lots of water or tea. Sometimes I forget.
– good nutrition
– walking
– marking my calendar when I do self care things so I will see it and be encouraged by the recognition
– making appointments with myself for MY well-being. In fact, I have one tomorrow, and even if MrB gets discharged, he’ll wait till I finish that me-time.
There’s more but that’s enough to be going on with.
See you at the Chicken!
The thing: More energy, enthusiasm and strength
What I want: I want to be able to wake up early without forcing myself to get up. I want to be able to work faster and better. I want to both have health mind and body.
Ways this could work: I need to constantly motivate and inspire myself. I need to learn to effectively budget my time. I need to have time for exercise and start eating healthy.
This is really fun.
I haven’t written VPAs yet because I don’t know what I want this week. Which is weird because I always seem to know what I want for the week. I’m going to use this as a clew which is telling me that I need to find clarity about some of the bigger wants in my life, which I am feeling conflicted about at the moment. So…
Thing 1: Clarity about what I want
Here’s what I want:
To figure out what I want!
Ways this could work:
I could make a list to see what comes up. I could do an OOD to see if what I want is really what I want. I could accept what I want and not fight it or rationalize it away. (AHA!!! Epiphany! I think I’m fighting what I truly want! And realizing that is a way this could work!)
I’ll play with:
Skipping stones. Figuring out what stuff isn’t mine, and letting it go.
hello, tuesday VPA: thanks for the amnesty.
1) what i want: a spring break grounded in possibility
one thing this means: making the work i need to a priority early in the day, and then being free to do other fun things/be with people in the afternoon.
ways this could work:
keep on keeping on with morning rituals
“lists and verbs”
formal structures like layer-cake-ing the morning to accomplish things
sunlight! and ample out-of-doors time
stop and check-in: what do i need right now?
2) what i want: a complete chapter
one thing this means: enough of a draft that i can kiss it goodbye until the next round of revisions.
ways this could work:
talk to the monsters that say my director will despise me if it’s not perfect
keep relinquishing perfection through mini-practices of body things
celebrate finishing other things in wildly dramatic ways (i.e. congruence: DONE!)
notice all the flowering trees
yalla!
Just some gwishes:
-more Ease and PLay
-more compassion to others and a willingness to be present with them
-more mindfulness in my work, all of it
-learning about Sustainability.
-writing the book and making my minideadlines
-continuing on the improved self-care and more yoga trends
-Flailing daily. opening to why I’m rsisting this–is there soemthign I dont want to know?
-Guidance about my health stuff espcially re: these %#$@!&* headaches
-more art and Treehouse time
-loved the proxy phrase Havi used sometime ago about “The Hidden Islands”. this phrase came up several times before I saw it on the blog and it’s still rattling aorund my head. What is my Hidden Island?
being beautiful
progress on past VPAs etc:
-i was getting more yoga in, then that didsappeared. revisit this VPA
-i wanted to go back over STone skipping and coulnd’t find the entry in the archive. Then Havi did it for me! Thanks!
-feeling okay that I’m not in the Floating Playground and knowing I’m not ready for a full Rally. Feeling those Doors Closing makes me a little nervous, but I’m proud that I nhave complete faith that I have a place in this community and in this practice that is mine, and that I get to have, and that it’s still revealing itself and that everything is moving along perfectly
-(but also deeply wanting to go to Shivanaticon, and finding that Want is not new, and thinking “Maybe this is MY Floating Island…?”)
Hi Havi,
I had 2 thoughts today that made me remember that, so very often, inner life and outer life reflect themselves: the first was when I read today’s #1, ‘Rededication of Space’, and describing how your Pirate Queen headquarters is the Heart and Helm of things, yet being used for storage space. My immediate thought upon reading that was, “That’s exactly what my Heart feels like.” Very good Ah ha! moment. I wish you joy in Rededication, and balance in maintaining that space; I wish that for me too.
The second moment happened while searching for my keys as I was trying leave to house. After a frustrating and fruitless search I began making my way towards the door, in hopes to find them there, so picked up my gloves and purse- which had sat waiting to go and untouched during my frantic search- and they were there. That’s just how it is on my inside as well: that which I need to find is usually under that which I refuse to move, for whatever reason. I’m grateful for both of today’s Ah Ha! moments.
Best wishes to you!