Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
Each week I write these VPAs to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.
I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!
Somehow I managed to run week #146 twice in a row.
Alas for poor week #147 which never got to be named.
Hi, 147! I wave to you from afar.
Anyway, here we are. And I have WISHES!
Thing 1: Best possible prep for my holiday.
Here’s what I want:
I am — or will be trying to — run awaaaay! All week.
But so much needs to happen before I can take off.
I need smoothness, steadiness, trust, hope and other good things.
And then either I get a ridiculous amount of stuff accomplished. Or, option b: I don’t, but I don’t care.
Ways this could work:
Feeling energized and excited!
Everything works.
I get help and support from a partner in crime.
Whoooooosh!
I’ll play with…
Doing Shiva Nata to get in the zone and spark some epiphanies.
Thing 2: Successful Maiden Voyage.
Here’s what I want:
While I am away the new Pirate Crew at Stompopolis will be test-driving all the systems.
Without me.
I want this go smoothly, to be fun, to support the spirit of the space.
Ways this could work:
I could stop trying to momma bear everything.
I could work on my stuff about letting go, and transitioning into this new role where, after nearly seven years of running everything, I’m not in charge anymore.
And I can commit to really and truly removing myself from the process.
Also, I can write up a brief red button ritual that they can do if things start to go weird, just in case. But then I’m gone! Honestly!
I’ll play with…
Slowing down my breath. Doing some old Turkish lady yoga. Consulting Slightly Future Me.
Thing 3: the magic of chrysalis!
Here’s what I want:
My trip is so much more than vacation.
It’s about meeting incoming-me halfway.
It’s a Crossing.
And so that’s what I’m committing to.
Ways this could work:
I don’t know yet. That’s kind of the point.
I’ll play with…
Patience. Receptivity. Paying attention.
And skipping lots of stones.
Thing 4: Letting go. Trust. Patience.
Here’s what I want:
Oh, man.
Every year, or so it seems. there’s some new part to running a business that involves deeper and deeper levels of trust.
Hiring the first assistant. The first bookkeeper. The first full-time person. The first offices. Opening the first center.
Each time it seems terrifying, and then it’s fine. Well, except with the first bookkeeper, who totally screwed me. But you know what I mean.
Each transition requires more trust, more backing off.
And now with Stompopolis, I’m going to have the pirate crew basically running the whole thing. I won’t be able to call a time out. It’s weird.
I’m sure it will be amazing, eventually, but right now it’s kind of scary. I would like things to be FINE, and for me to remember, OH RIGHT, things are FINE. And for this to happen smoothly and speedily, please.
Ways this could work:
Presence.
Paying attention to the part that is my stuff. Using the tools.
I’ll play with…
Writing an OOD.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
I wanted a perfect solution to an untenable situation, and I’m still not sure what’s happening there. But things have calmed down considerably, so that’s good.
Then I asked to feel excited and energized, which (let’s be honest) I did not think was an actual option. BUT IT WORKED! It was crazy. I’m still kind of shocked by the whole thing. In fact, it worked so well that I’m going to re-ask it for this week too.
The next bit was about enjoying the Hush Hush Rendezvous, and that was incredible. So much fun!
I had an ask about dissolving, and it worked.
And I had an ask about the thing with the door, and it got taken care of!
Yay.
Play-filled comment zen. Here’s what I’d love today.
- Wanted: Your own personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like.
- You can also do these on your own or in your head. You can always call silent retreat!
- Leave your gwishes! Throw things in the pot!
- Things we try to keep away from: the word “manifest”, telling people how they should be asking for things, unsolicited advice.
- VPA amnesty applies, of course. Leave yours any time between now and next Sunday (or whenever, really) — it’s all fine by us!
xox
Follow
Thing 1: Helpers
What I want: I have a cleaning service. This weekend I found someone to do yard work. They are great — they do amazing work. I want to keep them! I also want a handyman type helper of the same quality to take care of a lot of small jobs. I’d like there to be other helpers for things that I need help with, and I ‘d like to be able to recognize them when they appear.
What I will try: Expressing appreciation. Asking them about a handyman. Looking in the paper.
Thing 2: Less Stress
What I want: I asked for this last week and it didn’t happen. It got worse. So I am asking again.
What I will try: examining the way I respond to the situations that trigger the stress response. Relying on my helpers. Spending time in my outdoor refueling station.
Thing 3: Order
What I want: to get a lot of stuff arranged and in containers, and systems set up.
What I will try: getting the Butler’s help. Scheduling a day for it. Riding the Wild Donkey (the goddess Leonie’s term). Singing and dancing.
My commitment to myself: to take lots of naps and to be gentle with myself.
Hello, all. Hello, week.
Update on last week’s asks: didn’t do anything specific with the Main Thing (not getting dragged into other people’s negativity swamps), although I’m pleased with how I handled a lurking landmine, so . The other things and gwishes — flying colors.
For this week, a Thing: assorted aches and pains to get gone, preferably without more prescription meds
WTWC: research acupressure. apply heat or ice. allow myself more time to stretch or lie down.
I’ll play with: massaging various points whenever things are tense or hurty. permission not to follow the guides line for line (hi, resistance).
Another Thing: timing. I was doing well for a while, and then not so much this past Friday and today. And probably not coincidentally, those were days when I was operating on very little sleep.
WTWC: permission slips (especially on not answering people right away, and leaving things half-done when it is time to get in the car and go, and meditating myself back to sleep instead of getting up when it’s three effing ack emma). creating a comfier stage set for my subconscious. Try just one stroke a day with the biggest baddest iguana.
I’ll play with: the things that might work.
Gwishes:
* a strong finish for my fantasy clay-court team
* a pleasant and pleasing resolution to the client budget issue that kept me awake last night
* jobs for my friends seeking them
* bold, fat mice to stay out of my house
* button-sewing mojo
Wishing everyone answers to their asks!
Hi All,
I just wanted to comment that I am JUST BEGINNING and look forward to sharing in a week.
I am enthralled.
Is it seriously a WEEK since I last did this? I was probably a couple of days late joining in, that must be it… STILL… woah, where does the time go?
I will reiterate asks of last couple of weeks around MONEY, as I’m about to dive into getting the Piles Of Doom sorted out on my desk which is obviously an invitation to play with a large assortment of monsters and stories and cringing/hiding/running away patterns.
1. So, calm, courage, clear thinking. ACTION.
I’ll play with Outrageous Sovereignty – like “wow, that woman is so completely unaffected and cool and responsible and free and PRESENT! It’s kind of outrageous!”.
2. Progress on a budget? That would be hot. (Can’t believe I just wrote those two sentences together! But, it’s true. It would be!)
Concrete asks.
1. Let me be very clear here Universe: I would like to have our crap car decrappified enough that we can drive it again. Soon! This week would be really good. THANK YOU.
2. Also: I would like to gain full-time access to a proper computer. Soon! This week would be really good. THANK YOU.
Finally, throwing into the pot: Intuitive Building of the Glorious Greenhouse with the possibility of documenting the results at the end of the week. No plans which I fail to stick to AGAIN, but maybe some real world, real time ACTION and a record of what that looks like. Yes? Yes. Thank you.
xoxo
New here, I love your VPAs!
Here goes:
Thing 1: website pages get edited, written, coded and ready to publish by Memorial Day deadline with ease!
What I will do: Keep writing, keep feeding the pipeline to my web developer, and maintain balance.
Thing 2: Prep for teaching at the Northern California Women’s Herbal Symposium will proceed with ease!
What I will do: take the master list and put every to-do in the calendar!
Thing 3: Allow the help of the sisters in my coven to fill my life and home and altars with energy that clears the stagnation produced by my ill health.
What I will do: Be receptive and grateful.
Thank you for this!
Love and light,
Sue
Hello hello, VPA time – I welcome you and make space for you.
I’m still looking for my ask model. Since they’re Very Personal Ads I’ve been thinking about things like Missed Connections on Craigslist (which I used to love) and OKCupid and personals in newspapers and whatnot… and in doing so I’m realizing that specificity is kind of the crux of getting what one wants. Not such a great thing to realize, since I have the habit of being cryptic when I’m talking about things in my life. I’ve been what sounds like specific before in VPAs but there were shades and meanings that I didn’t address and sometimes didn’t even put a placeholder or a metaphor or a silent retreat! I just absented it from the ask.
I’ve been loving the ritual of doing VPAs here, but I think in order to really ask for things I’ll have to do it privately. So maybe today I’ll just hum my love and need…
Mmmmm. MMMmmmmm. mmmmmmmmmm.
Goodbye, goodbye VPA time, and thank you for being with me.
Into the pot I throw some metaphors and proxies for this week’s gwishes:
–The color blue.
–A mug of broth.
–A sky filled with stars.
–The petal-softness of a flower.
–My beautiful wallet.
–A force field with sparkles of pink, white, and aqua.
I’m studying wanting what a I want and getting to know what that is, lately, and VPA’s are a great way to play with this. So, here I be going:
I want to get to work earlier, so I can take more breaks and feel good about it, and leave earlier so I can feel good about that.
Ways this could work: Exercise later in the day. Prepare more the night before (THIS is a good one because preparation has so been on my mind lately too). Remind myself WHY I’m getting there earlier (nothing to do with more Ass in Chair time and everything to do with self-love).
I’ll play with: transitions & preparations, and reminding times.
I want to track and stay in the process of creating systems that support me (hello, day; treasuring, imagining right life, dissolving, preparation time) and permitting them room to change, always.
Ways this could work: create a morning/daily template with space for each of these — and a space for reflecting on what is working/not working as well.
I’ll play with: a template, where it belongs (notepad, computer? probably notepad) and what can go there that is manageable.
Looking for — what is the ESSENCE of what I’m looking for, and how do I want it to feel?
Thing that I want MOST — daily writing practice!
How this could work — I did some work on this last week, re-look at that, and see where I ended up; reflect on what would help next and when that needs to happen.
I’ll play with — safety around writing; other things that I request to come to me, please!
Thank you, VPA — I am working on wanting what I want right now, and I thank thee for the space for doing this. 🙂 keesees
wow, amazing I am also running away this week. And about time too… works been very busy.
*ahem*
Thing I want:
Vacation to go smoothly. It was sort of an odd combination of a Christmas present and husband’s insisting on Disney, that led to Montery Bay + Disney short vacation. Also, for everything to go smoothly at work and no major hiccups to come through while I’m out.
WTCW:
I don’t know. I’d like to have a present for future me by having a clean house+bedroom before we leave. Also packing tonight so it’s not an issue on Tuesday or on Wednesday when we leave. The work side of things would be good if I can get the things on my to do list resolved today and tomorrow. I’ve been doing pretty good today, so long as nothing new comes up. I relax.
I commit to:
Making the bed on Wednesday morning. Doing what I can at work today and tomorrow. Then trusting people to either handle things, or that the world will not fall apart without me.
Second Thing I want:
That the air quality is better in Monterey and Disney and I don’t have to have breathing treatments. Twice last weekend. Three times this year – and that’s the first time in over 6 years. I don’t want that anymore.
WTCW:
IDK. I need to make sure I bring my inhalers though and hopefully don’t need my breathing machine… Maybe I should pack it just in case.
I commit to:
Trying to relax and to pay attention to my body’s needs.
Asks!!
– recovery time. I just exited a big period of rolled up stress. now i’d like more body time, more present and awareness. my back is wanting some relaxation yoga-style
– sorting. my email inbox feels way way full. i want closure on a few things. my room is also full and i need to sort it out. and also: at floop. because it will make me feel so spacious
– after the sorting, “composting”. time to let things percolate for a while
that is all!
thank you universe!
with love!
into the pot!
VPA! Feels good to be back to asking.
Here’s what I want –
Thing 1: To figure out what I want to do after I graduate. This will likely take a few weeks, if not months, but I would like to begin working on it.
Ways this could work:
– Making lists of the essence of what I want, seeing what fits that essence.
– Scheduling an hour a day for research into possible pathways.
– Consulting with Guardians.
– Asking Hyacinth for help.
I’ll play with:
– Acknowledging the need for support, creating rituals to help with grounding/containing/centering etc.
– Listening to slightly-wiser-me. Tuning into my instinct.
Thing 2: Trust.
I want to be able to trust in myself, trust that everything that needs to get done will get done, trust that I am able to take care of myself and that I am competent, reliable and generally kick-ass. Also to trust in myself re: my relationship with Flowering Plants, Bunny, and Hamlet.
Ways this could work:
I’m not really sure. The ask feels rather abstract and diffuse.
– Perhaps I could do some mediation on trust.
– I could talk to my monsters (who’ve gone all up in arms just thinking about trust).
– Perhaps I could use the four questions more often, ’cause they seem helpful.
– I could imagine what trust feels like/would look like.
I’ll play with:
– Being okay with where I’m at (which means not trusting myself all the time).
– Acknowledging all the hurt parts of myself what often feel ignored when I approximate self-trust/care/contentment.
That’s all for me. Hand-on-heart sighs for everyone’s asks!
Golly I love this space.
Just sayin.
xoxo
Clair P – Yes yes! me too 🙂
Hi Natalie and Sue, glad you are here!
I didn’t have time to read all the vpa’s today, and since I’m pretty new here too, I will most likely break format out of forgetfulness, but I am just going to do it anyway, cuz I’m in major need of some destuckification. So here goes:
Thing 1: silent retreat
What I want: for this to be easy, maybe even fun if that’s not too much to ask.
How it could work: let it be easy and fun, use my strengths, remember that knowledge is power and that on this subject I have earned an unofficial phd.
Thing 2: actually that is really the only thing on my plate until it is solved, and also in the midst of writing this I got a message that is from someone who is very likely to help me a lot, so I’m going to go check on that, and if it is what i think it is then gosh vpa’s are pretty amazing.
Thing 1: to feel competent at training the new person at work
Ways this could work: I could focus each morning and have a “plan” instead of just flying by the seat of my pants, I could imagine what it would be like to embody sovereignty while training
What else I could do: acknowledge that I am doing pretty good for never being trained to train! acknowledge myself for what a good job I did with each task as I pass it on! close my office door for minibreaks, listen to more classical music and then listen to Hood Internet : remember how much music is necessary for my well-being, ask for positive thoughts and loving energy from my sister and friends and myself
Thing 2: an awesome bed that appears effortlessly and is delivered to my home in a miraculous way
Ways this could work: look on craigslist, ask friends and family, ask here! (I’m in Portland)
What else I could do: be grateful for the friend who allowed me to borrow the bed I’ve been using, imagine how great my sleeps will be in a new, comfortable bed, start looking for pretty sheets to make the transition memorable
Love to everyone and their courageous asks!!
So, I always seem to be really uncomfortable with self-analysis/self-help stuff, and my brain still automatically labels it “hippie-dippie BS.” I know that little monster is just trying to protect me from the hard that is doing this kind of work, but I haven’t yet managed to have a productive conversation with it about this.
Also, I’m nursing a broken pinky on my dominant hand that means I have a hand cast and can’t use my dominant hand much. That being said, here’s me jumping in.
What I Want:
To be OK with asking for help with these things and working through them.
(Oh, geez, hippie dippie BS about “the universe” and iguana and I’m scared and maybe I don’t deserve these things and if I write my fears down that makes them more real and aaaaaarggh!)
Ways this could work:
-Journal, even when it’s hard (darn cast)
-Morning glow-sitting? (Put the laptop away under the zabuton each evening – I want to update my routines!)
-Practice, practice, practice
-Remember that I don’t have to buy into spiritual explanations to try things that work (don’t need ta be Buddha to meditate.)
My goals for the week to make this happen:
-Yoga and/or meditation more mornings than not
-Friday Chicken by the end of the week (a.k.a. anytime before I head into work Monday a.m.)
What I Want:
Unstick myself with work.
I am so afraid of so many things. Succeeding, failing, disappointing people, not being liked, being seen as lazy. . .
Ways this could work:
-Death (or at least maiming) to the internet monster! I want to notice when I’m running away so that I can consciously choose to keep running or to stop
-Amnesty? Am I even capable of that? Mantra: I can only work in today. Yesterday is gone and tomorrow is only imagination.
-“What do you care what other people think?” No matter what I do, my actions only have a partial effect on whether people like me or not.
-What excites me about my research?
I’m going to play with:
-New mantras!
-Read something exciting in my field when I’m between protocols/at loose ends – If seminars and journal clubs pump me up, why not this?
What I want:
Patience with my physical limitations.
Can’t write, typing so slowly, can’t work out. . . bleh.
Ways this could work:
-Acceptance, acceptance, acceptance.
-It’s a new, fun, challenge! How would I do this if I lost my hand? I wouldn’t just lay down and die and not write and not exercise, I would use my problem-solving skills to work it out!
I’m going to play with:
-Recognizing “I can’t!” and finding out “How can I?”