Personal ads! They’re … personal! Very.
So my itty bitty personal ads made me realize that it’s time to make a regular practice of trying to feel okay asking for stuff.
Even when the asking thing feels weird and conflicted.
Ever since I posted the first one asking my perfect house to find me, which united me with Hoppy House, I have been a fan of the madness that is personal ads.
And now it’s my Sunday ritual. Yay, ritual!
Let’s do this thing.
Thing 1: napping! A way to make it actually happen.
Here’s what I want:
The best thing about my Not Even Slightly An Emergency Vacation last week was the unapologetic daily napfest.
I made a little vow that once I was back, the naps would stay.
But they’re not happening.
Not because I’m not making time for them. Because I am.
It’s just that now that I’m back, there is always something that is on my mind.
Oh look there’s a conflict at the Kitchen Table.
Oh look there’s something we screwed up and now we have to write an apology letter.
Oh look this person is upset because of such and such.
I can’t nap when there’s stuff like this going on!!!
It’s not that I have to go to work or whatever. I can totally not work on it. But I’m still processing it and thinking about it and brainstorming. Which isn’t conducive to the sleeps.
Here’s how this might work:
I can ask my First Mate to not share anything with me until after nap time.
I can not log into any of my company sites until after nap time.
Nap time can go onto the schedule with a clear “do not disturb, mentally, emotionally, energetically or otherwise” directive.
Other possible solutions … hmmm.
I can try and get some Dance of Shiva insights on this. Do some journaling. See what comes up.
Put out the ask.
My commitment.
To pay attention to whatever patterns and stuff come up around the napping and related themes.
Without judging myself for having stuff or for being in my patterns.
To notice what I need, and when and how I need it.
To take notes.
To try stuff. And when it doesn’t work, to try other stuff, until something works. To keep this as a top priority, dammit.
Thing 2: ketchup.
Here’s what I want:
Man, there is big crazy catching up to do after the ridiculously long not-working thing.
Piles.
Deadlines.
Things that people are waiting on. Things that I am waiting on.
So I need serious progress without burning out.
Ways this could work:
Slow and steady.
With lots of yoga.
Use iguanability to stay accountable and keep it fun.
Use my First Mate and my fairy godmothers and whatever else can help.
Stay focused.
My commitment.
To make my first priority my own state of mind.
The napping thing again.
Lots of Shiva Nata for those mini-epiphanies.
To pay attention to what I need, what’s working and what isn’t.
Thing 3: oy, pesach.
Here’s what I want:
It’s freaking Passover like, tomorrow.
I’m still not done cleaning the kitchen. Never mind the cooking.
And, as we know from Thing 2, all sorts of other things are lined up for this week as well.
So it just has to work.
Ways this could work:
My gentleman friend will help.
I imagine there will be lots of hysterical laughter and some tears as well, but maybe it can work despite the crazy.
I don’t know. We’ll see.
The point is, I want smoothness and things getting done. And a beautiful holiday.
My commitment.
To stay connected to the essence of Pesach, which is liberation and safety.
Liberation. And safety.
And to try and bring more of that into my week and my life.
While wearing a pirate apron and throwing things around the kitchen.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
I asked for rest. And got it. In spades!
That was probably the best VPA ask ever. I seriously did nothing but sleep for a week and it was awesome.
I asked for insights about belonging and got them (thanks Shiva Nata!).
And I asked for help finishing a project and totally didn’t do anything with it.
But I did get renewed motivation to interact with it, so that counts for something. We have Drunk Pirate Council tonight so I’ll poke at it some.
Comments. Since I’m already asking …
I am adding to my practice of asking for stuff by being more specific about what I would like to receive in the comments.
Here’s what I want (just leave them in the comments):
- Your own personal ads, small or large. Things you’ve asked for. Or are asking for. Or would like to ask for. Or updates on last time!
What I would rather not have:
- Reality theories.
- Shoulds. As in, “You should be doing it like this” or “That’s not the right way to ask for things — instead it should be like x, y and z”
- To be judged or psychoanalyzed.
- Advices.
My commitment.
I am committing to getting better at asking for things even when asking feels weird.
Thanks for doing this with me!
Follow
Personal ad for my week: a safe-but-strong zone aka personal space boundaries
you are surprising. you are easier to maintain and bring even better things than i thought. you make me feel flowy and happy and like things can happen without worrying about getting pulled away from my course.
I will be showing up at my appointments and my office prepared with happy songs on my ipod, happy intentions in my heart and a commitment to defend a safe-but-strong personal space. i will use my clothes to feel safe and strong.
I know there will be colleagues and people in my space. But you, my dear safety zone, will throw some unexpected easiness into moving through my week.
@ Havi – i am so intrigued by the ‘membrane’ idea you mentioned in an earlier post but wondering how to keep it up in daily-life situations.
I totally thought you actually meant ketchup when I read the headline of #2. I was going to wax rhapsodic about the handmade heirloom-tomato ketchup that we got as a Christmas present and then bemoan that it wouldn’t be available again until late summer, and then I realized that you meant a different kind of ketchup.
My VPA: On being an adult.
Here’s what I want:
I feel like I’m still a kid. I was young for my class (August birthday) AND I was skipped ahead a grade, so I was always about two years behind everyone else in school. So I always feel like the youngest one in the room.
I take myself WAY too seriously. Even though I was young for my class, I was still the oldest of three children, and I felt like I was constantly being told to “be mature” and “just deal with [perceived hardship or favoritism] because [I’m] older”. I stopped taking piano lessons because my sister was also taking them, and she got precedence on practice time because she was younger, and by the time she was done my mom was sick of hearing the piano so I never got to practice. Long story short, I learned at an early age to take myself REALLY seriously because it was the best way I’d found to Act My Age.
Even if I felt like I was Younger Than Everyone Else.
So what I want is a way to be myself without feeling like I’m way too young to be taken seriously (I’m older than Naomi, for heaven’s sake) and without feeling like I have to take MYSELF excessively seriously.
How this could work:
I’m actually open to advice on this one. Suggestions that aren’t just “suck it up and grow up” are welcome. I’m really not sure how to proceed.
My commitment:
I will do my best to notice when I’m feeling excessively young or taking myself too seriously. I will do my best to correct for it, without BLAMING myself for it. Just because it’s a part of me I’d rather not have doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s bad to have it.
.-= Chris Anthony´s last post … On degrees of uniquity =-.
Mmmm…VPA Sunday!
My Very Personal Ad this week:
– To be clear about what I want to teach next, and when, and how.
There are so many things I could teach that would be hugely helpful to my right people. And I can’t teach all of them, or even some of them, in the next few months.
So this VPA is to clarify where my capacity, heart and skills meet people’s needs, what organic structure lends itself best to the work, and what right timing looks like, in this context. Priorities and focus.
My commitment:
– To explore this more fully.
– Meditate on it.
– Talk with my soul and the soul of my business about it, to discover what wants to emerge.
– Listen to my clients and students to hear what they need.
– Call on the structures that already exist in the subtle energy worlds, to help me create a shape for it. – Work with Havi to outline the actions I need to take to make it happen in the 3-D world.
Wishing you all miraculous responses to your Very Personal Ads!
Love, Hiro
.-= Hiro Boga´s last post … Making Stew: Onions, Om, and The Creative Journey =-.
Oh, serendipity, Hiro!
My VPA is almost exactly the same and I couldn’t have said it better.
I’d like: Clarity.
Clarity on what to teach, when to do it and a sense of peace if maybe that’s just not going to happen anytime soon.
And, thanks Hiro, for reminding me to talk to my business. I’ve spent some time talking to myself about what I want out of the business, but today it’s time to ask my business what she wants. (That Blonde Chicken always speaks her mind, I just have to pay attention).
I’m hoping lots of naps and ketchupping come your way, Havi!
.-= Tara´s last post … Winner – Handmade Marketplace =-.
I want more powerful intentions to be set in Yoga Nidra class. My next intention is to sit at my beautiful desk and write. I want the words to flow as if it’s writing me. I want it to be easy and fluid. It’s in my mind and already written. So let it come out in an easy way.
Havi asked about Yoga Nidra – here it is. Love it and can’t get enough of it.
http://bit.ly/dg5QX1
.-= Sherold Barr´s last post … Flying Yoga: A Personal Trust Exercise =-.
A zissen Pesach! 🙂
Updates on last time: both asks were fairly successful though not what I was anticipating when I asked.
The 1st was for a smooth week, but it was really all about the possible hows I listed for dealing with stress. Things I only recently named as stress relievers/calmness promoters, like sketching or adopting a certain tone of voice. Will likely blog about the voice stuff that came up this week.
2nd was to make a decision which I wrote a bit about in the Chicken. I got just the piece of info that clarified what I should ask myself, was able to get past all the fear-based no’s, knew my answer was YES! and then realized I really can’t afford it. Sigh. So not exactly happy with the answer but comfortable with it.
ooh, gotta split. Maybe I’ll think of new VPAs later…
Cheers, everyone!
.-= claire´s last post … Sketchbook, page 15 =-.
Happy Pesach Havi.
My VPA: To find joy celebrating Pesach alone. I was not invited to anyone’s home for Pesach this year and my kids aren’t coming home. I also have been feeling a little moody these days so chose not to invite people to my home – my family never comes anyway and I didn’t feel like calling up our local Hillell when my state of mind has been a bit icky. Soooo. . . . .
Ways this could come to me:
-the practical: make charosis, look on the food network for some good receipes for other stuff and get cracking
-the practical: find the seder book
-the spiritual: realize that i do best when i stay with myself so that i feel less jangled
-the magic of it: settle in to a holiday that is exactly the way i want it because i’ll be with my very favorite person ever.
My commitment:
-to listen to the voices in my head about this in a loving way without letting them rule me
-to receive any pesach wishes that come my way
-to not force myself to call relatives or anyone else that i don’t want to caall
-to allow myself to contact anyone i want to to wish them a happy pesach
thanks for helping me clarify what’s next. i make a mean charosis and want to put it together now so that it has a chance to marinate.
love you and have a wonderful holiday with your gentleman friend!
xox
Quick update on last time: I had asked to feel safe while working on my last two preliminary exam projects, and in fact I have been feeling safe and supported. Unfortunately, I’ve also been sick for the past few days, so it’s been slower going than I’d hoped, but I’m still moving forward.
This week, I’m simply asking for continued safety and support — and serenity, as well. I still don’t know if I’m going to meet this deadline. I’d like to be able to know that whatever happens, ultimately, all shall be well.
I seem to be needing lots of naps lately. I just woke up from a nap. What seems to be helping me to nap is reading about really fascinating stuff like theories on consciousness– distracts my mind/body. Fills it with all kinds of tantalizing ideas that have nothing to do with practical things in my life and then zzzz….
My VPA…
To have the funds to go on my meditation retreat in June and go on a vacation with my partner for our anniversary.
How this could happen:
My business could continue to increase at a steady pace, so that in a few weeks I have four clients a week.
The freelance research job that I think I have comes through.
My partner finds a new great job.
I sell my wedding dress to a delighted new bride.
Other magical ways I haven’t thought of.
My commitment:
To stay focused and dedicated to expanding my business.
To stay open to new as yet unperceived opportunities.
To be very present with how I am using my time, energy, and dealing with the monies.
To believe that these things will happen, easy peasy, while I’m still able to get the rest, exercise, and creative time that I need to be happy and healthy.
.-= Kate T.W.´s last post … Slower and Lazier =-.
Oh hooray for Sundays. Hooray for the VPA.
So much fun to read your personal ads. I love it.
@Char – that’s really beautiful. I appreciate how clear your commitment steps are. It’s obvious that you know a lot about what you want and what you don’t, and that you are going to honor your sense of what will be good for you. I admire that. Chag sameach, and I am sure everything you make will be amazing.
@Kat – safety and support!
@Kate – love for your ask!
Clarity and good stuff for everyone … happy happy Sunday. I will keep VPA-ing after my nap. 🙂
I usually have a hard time finding what wants or needs to be a VPA, but this week, it’s clear.
What I want:
Ease and flow. This week is going to be a busy and stressful one, and I would really like it if at least some parts of it could happen with ease. Experiencing moments of flow would be an amazing bonus.
Ways this could work:
– It could just happen, simply.
– There could be perfect simple solutions for some of the stressful stuff, and I could remember to ask/look for them.
– I could decide that some of the things on my plate aren’t so crucial after all, and decide to do them later or even drop them.
My commitment:
– To keep up my daily Shiva Nata and journaling practice.
– To take care of myself.
– To do what I can, not impose impossible standards on myself, and not beat myself up about anything.
– To pay attention to what I can learn throughout this week so that future occurences of similar experiences won’t be as stressful.
.-= Josiane´s last post … Middle of the night musings =-.
Wishing you blissful, daily naps, Havi!
What I want:
To finalize the content of this little class I want to teach. But more importantly, to know that it will help people (and to stop doubting it).
How this could happen:
Not really sure. I can keep meditating on it. And playing with it. And talking to the class, and my soul, and the soul of my business, to find out what’s needed. And I could *listen*, and somehow just know.
My commitment:
To keep meditating and doing Dance of Shiva around this. To give myself permission to put it down when I’m getting frustrated or tired. To trust that it will all work out, one way or another.
.-= Victoria Brouhard´s last post … Remembering =-.
California Girl ISO: Evenings where I’m as happy to be alive as I am when the sun is out.
When the sun goes away, I miss it. I start feeling alone in the world and I feel more sadness.
Not sad because the sun itself is gone, but sadness and feelings and emotions tend to surface more in the dark when I am not outside singing and playing in my yard and feeling alive and happy.
So: My request is that I feel as happy to be alive in the evenings as I am when it’s day time.
Happy evenings. Full of joy, energy, and life. And excitement.
Ways this could happen:
– During the day when I’m feeling happy and safe and secure, I could work through some of my other emotions and feelings and sadness that come up at night. (Not very appealing right now.)
– Get on the Nap Wagon with Havi and take some. And not just take them, but go into them willingly and when they are required. (Today I fussed and mussed and procrastinated on my nap even though I sorely needed it.)
– Ask myself (especially when surfing the internet, Tweeting, or Facebooking) what needs is this meeting for me right now? Is there something else I could be doing that would meet those same needs? What might help me feel better? (I numb out with those things sometimes. Yeah, shocking.)
– I could plan some activities in my yard for the evenings. Reading a book on the lawn chair under a blanket with the porch light on. And some hot tea. Ooo! Love this idea.
My commitment:
– I commit to give myself fully to the act of napping when I can feel that it is time. I do know the feeling and I can respond and trust it instead of arguing with it and being a rebellious Kindergarten kid who won’t stay on her mat.
– I commit to plan some evening activities for in my yard. Yes! I have been making my yard so beautiful and I enjoy it so much during the day. So I’ll do some things out there at night! This already has me happier and it’s almost midnight. Cool.
– I commit to taking breaks during the day to rest. Because I feel so good during the day and get so excited and I’m happy, I often don’t stop for breaks. I just go go go. Then I’m exhausted and tired and way more prone to emotional blahs in the evening because my energy is drained.
– I am committed to being willing to feel good in the evening. Willing to release whatever pattern might be keeping me in a hold of feeling good in the day and crashing in the evening.
– I commit to being gentle with myself if I am crabby or sad or whatever after the sun goes down.
– I commit to listening to myself and giving myself what I require to the best of my ability. Right now, that involves the rest of my apple lemonade and some water. As well as reading Pooh before bed and thanking myself for shutting FB and Twitter and coming instead to Havi’s blog so I can deal with me and my stuff.
So glad you’re here, Havi. xoxo
Havi, I am still getting used to your blog and personal ads are my faves so far. Naps, yes! I want more naps too. I commit to taking one today.
first things first! chag sameach to you and selma! and bravo on the beginnings of a napper’s manifesto! (ha–i just realized–you could have your own napper’s delight single and it would hit the top of the charts, and people would be like, wow, what is this crazy number havi’s spinnin’? it’s crazy, but i like it!)
(and now i get out of my head…)
anyhoo–i can also get a little tangled in pesach, which is my all time favorite holiday, with my all time favorite learning and themes and whatnot, because of all the prep work and my-customs-are-different-then-yours that goes on with my family…and this year, i am here with my beloved folks, which means a little teeny river of negotiation as i live with the fact that my parents don’t clean for pesach and i want to talk torah over dinner.
so, my vpa:
what i want: to connect to the themes of pesach that i love in a real and deep way. to find the joy in being together as a family. to have an ease-ful, beautiful, learning filled seder. to be charitable and hospitable to the uninvited guests and to remember that they could be prophets in my midst. to be calm and spot no shoes unless shoes are really being thrown.
how this could happen: i can do shiva nata and meditate to build up my calm reserves. i can remember that it’s one night, and try to take some of the weight away. i can help out my mom with cooking, so she can relax a little, too. i can journal and try to be more specific about the themes i’d like to call forth and investigate, to help me see them as they appear in my life.
my commitment: to prepare for the seder by doing shiva nata AND the list of to-dos my mom asked for help with. to see all the guests as manifestations of eliyahu ha-navi/ elijah the prophet. to see the seder as a learning opportunity, not a sentence or a conclusion.
chag sameach to all–may we all be liberated and free! may all those hungry for anything come and eat!
sending you sleepy, quiet nap dust…..
Yay for naps!
I hope you enjoyed the weekend and that your naps come naturally.
As my previous two VPAs have yet to resolve [awaiting feedback before the next step], I can’t update.
This week, I need a biggg favour from the universe.
What I want:
I need to people who want to live with me next year. Two people who’ll be focused on work; thus not noisy ’til 3am on a weekday. OR I need my landlady to calm down and trust that I will fill the two rooms, and provide two people for the next year.
How this could happen:
You’re the expert.. Erm… landlady could suddenly give me a nice extended deadline to find people. Two people could contact me or my housemate about the house.
My commitment:
To dance about this. To meditate and to do all I can not to let this ruin my holiday [as I can’t do house viewings until i’m in that town, which will be mid-April]. To trust and have faith that two people will show up and it’ll all be sunshine and rainbows.
To take care of myself. I don’t do that enough when I worry.
.-= Rose´s last post … Cottage Retreat – Recognition ii =-.