Personal ads! They’re … personal! Very.
So my itty bitty personal ads made me realize that it’s time to make a regular practice of trying to feel okay asking for stuff.
Even when the asking thing feels weird and conflicted.
Ever since I posted the first one asking my perfect house to find me, which united me with Hoppy House, I have been a fan of the madness that is personal ads.
And now it’s my Sunday ritual. Yay, ritual!
Let’s do this.
Thing 1: Everything to come together for the Playground.
Here’s what I want:
Update: the Playground, my crazy studio for playing, teaching, and practicing destuckification and mindful biggification, is scheduled to open in two weeks.
The amount of work still to be done is outrageous.
Like, we could really use a floor.
Selma, my gentleman friend and I plan to be messing around with this all week. Except that my gentleman friend also has to work, I have a pretty full load of teaching and client sessions, and Selma is a duck.
So I need smoothness, order-from-chaos, play, fun, and some serious fairy godmother assistance.
Ways this could work:
Hmmm. Not sure.
It just could.
I’m going to find ways to ask for help.
I’m going to do everything in my power to respect my capacity. To notice where I get shaken.
And ask for perfect, simple solutions.
And keep working on that weird trusting-in-the-timing-of-things bit.
My commitment.
I will:
- keep you guys posted on what’s going on.
- post pictures of the Playground’s transformation into its gorgeous self.
- do Shiva Nata on this every day, because order and chaos and restructuring is what it’s all about.
- try to remember to stop and breathe and re-connect.
- make it silly and playful when I can, and forgive myself when I can’t.
- dance dance dance!
Thing 2: Huge fabulous happy Phase 2 Funbrewing.
Here’s what I want:
We’re going to be brewing fun for the Playground all week.
But with a special as-yet-to-be-announced Phase 2 party.
There will be balloons and rejoicing and donation classes and Fairy Godparent packages and presents and general hilarity.
So I’d like this to stay mostly on schedule, raise a small pile of monies to cover the renovations so we can open on time, and be fun as hell.
Ways this could work:
Everything could fall into place so I can tell everyone about it (maybe even tomorrow)?!
I can remember to lean into my enormous network of support, love and excitements:
Various biggified friends and colleagues who are happy to spread the news, my lovely Kitchen Table mice, you guys.
It could just be full of surprises (but the really good kind).
My commitment.
To let you see the behind-the-scenes of what we’re doing and how we’re doing it.
To express my sincere, loopy joy that you’re going to be a part of this beautiful birth with me.
To talk about my love for this tiny, sweet thing that is no longer so tiny.
To notice what I need when I need it, and to give myself permission to take naps in the middle of the party.
To remember to tell you how grateful I am that this Playground has so many people who already love it. Thank you.
Thing 3: the next stage of this getting-better-at-trusting thing.
Here’s what I want:
So over the past several weeks I’ve been working on various aspects of having faith that things won’t suck.
It’s the falling anvil thing.
And each week I make an ask about bringing more conscious awareness to it and untangling the next piece.
And something happens.
I am getting better at this, slowly but surely. Less likely to head into panic, more likely to stop and reconnect to what I need.
So now I’m ready for the next piece. To take this practice deeper. To know that things will be okay, one way or another.
And to have this learning take place in a way that is gentle and not painful.
Ways this could work:
We’ll see.
My commitment.
To breathe. To wait. To remind myself of the things I forget.
To do Dance of Shiva on it.
To write and sweat and sleep on it.
To have patience with the fact that no, I don’t have patience with anything.
Thing 4: Close Camp Biggification.
Here’s what I want:
I want to be done talking about Camp Biggification so I can throw myself into making it the best thing in the entire world.
Ways this could work:
I’m going to have to find out.
My commitment.
To love it and honor this program.
To respect how scary and intimidating it can be to commit to getting good at stuff like visibility and invisibility and safety and protection and right people and the bizarre secret art of sexy, hard-to-get-marketing.
To rejoice over its people.
To give you the link: it’s called Camp Biggification and it’s awesome and there’s pie.*
* Also, signing up makes you a Playground Fairy Godparent and gets you some pretty insane bonuses that I haven’t told anyone about yet.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
I asked for help with the next chunk of fun-brewing and yeah, baby it worked. We figured out the structure for Phase 2.
Then I asked for windows of time to get this done and those showed up too.
I also wanted to be cool with the not knowing. And while this worked significantly better than last week, I’m still kind of on pins and needles about certain things. So. Could use some work.
And I wanted Shivanautical epiphanies. And got them in freaking spades. To the point that it was actually kind of trippy. So. Good week.
http://shivanata.com/blog/stuff-i-think-about/shivanautical-realizations-epiphanies-take-1
Comments. Since I’m already asking …
I am adding to my practice of asking for stuff by being more specific about what I would like to receive in the comments.
Here’s what I want (just leave them in the comments):
- Your own personal ads, small or large. Things you’ve asked for. Or are asking for. Or would like to ask for. Or updates on last time!
What I would rather not have:
- Reality theories and words like “manifest”
- Shoulds. As in, “You should be doing it like this” or “That’s not the right way to ask for things — instead it should be like x, y and z”
- To be judged, psychoanalyzed or given advices.
My commitment.
I am committing to getting better at asking for things even when asking feels weird.
Thanks for doing this with me!
Follow
Update on last week:
The stress of the broken body hardware kept me from focusing or doing anything I said I’d do last week. The Herbal Rebooting didn’t work, which felt very stressful and frustrating. She was kind and supportive, which I appreciated But still, when I saw the doctor on Friday, she was exactly the Listening Technician I asked for who offered me several solutions (yay), and got the physical diagnostic done right away (yay–ouch, but yay. And she gave me medication that will do the rebooting, and it’s working (yay). Now I get to wait for 7-10 business days to find out if there’s anything abnormal growing in this body component.
Which leads me to VPA #1
A way to live with the anxiety/fear of not knowing without bolting in my usual bolting ways
Ways it could work
I could breathe deeply, a lot
I could let myself be scared and cry and move through it
I could do things this week that are nurturing to me, vs things that = bolting
My commitment
To work on noticing when I’m panicking and bolting
To not judge myself as wrong and broken if I do bolt
VPA #2
Something fun and cheap and relaxing to do with my husband over the Memorial Day weekend.
We can’t go out of town because of his job and, well, it’s the end of the month and the money is gone until June 1. But we desperately need some time away from the stress of my health issues and my job and his job. We need some FUN. But I always think it’s MY job to come up with the fun, which makes me stress more, and makes us fight. So, the VPA #2.
How this could work
I could ask my FB friends for recommendations and trust them without doing research to make sure it’s perfect
The Fun Thing could come to me without me having to do anything
I could ask my husband to come up with one fun thing/day
My commitment
To notice when I’m stressing about this and do something nurturing for myself
To talk to my husband about how I’m feeling, and ask for his help
To let go of the need to have a “perfect” weekend
.-= lynn @ human, being´s last post … Days of Grace: 351/365 =-.
Havi, wishing you miracles and delight, perfect timing and ease, trust and faith. And so much love and support for you, the fun-brewing, Camp Biggification, and your gorgeous Playground.
It’s lovely to share in your joy. Thank you for all that you’re creating right now!
My VPA this week is that it all happens more deliciously than you could have dreamed of.
My commitment: To help make it so in any way I can.
Love, Hiro
.-= Hiro Boga´s last post … In the Center of my Throat. . . =-.
Sending good wishes for everyone’s VPAs this week. I might write one later.
@Havi, I thought I’d mention that I am free all day Wed/Thurs/Fri so, if you need worker bees, you know where I am. I am happy to help. 🙂
.-= Elizabeth´s last post … ode to joy, volume 20 =-.
Oh my goodness, I wish I could be a worker bee, too! Sending delight & ease & fun – brewing fun!
Update on last time: I wanted a perfect, simple solution for getting my doggie home and… I have a plan! I don’t know how simple it is, but it feels perfect for both of us. Yay!
Situation: I have some clear and lovely intentions and hopes in a crazy assortment of areas, but the progresses feel slow and clunky. Maybe because I’m all scattered and diffused (see: crazy assortment of areas). Or maybe because of inertia. Or both. What I want: Movement. Oh, let’s be more specific. Forward movement. Progress. Implementation.
Ways it might work: I could use this just-moved-houses inertia-stomping window of change as a chance to shake up some patterns and routines so that things settle in a mindful & fruitful way. Or, some other way. A burst of productive, action-movie hero energy?
My commitment: To look for little windows. To be willing to start small. To spend some time refreshing my sailboat.
.-= Briana´s last post … Discombobulation. (Or, When I don’t feel like being sovereign.) =-.
Last week I wanted grace and calm about getting my coursework done for the looming deadline. I have so far done way more than I thought I would,and doing the work has been a smooth process that I’ve learnt stuff from, even though I may have spent the earlier part of the week stressing out, deciding that this would a great time to take on other projects that naturally I also had to be perfect at and beat myself up for not getting my blog up already. And then – I stopped talking to myself in caps lock, recognized why I doing that and trying to do everything else, and even had an evening of not even turning on my laptop. For the firs time in, oh, six months.
VPA #1: Portfolio ready!
What I want: To get the remaining pieces done with more of the grace and the calm that allows me to use the process as a way to reflect on what I’ve learnt rather than as a beating myself up frenzy.
Ways this could happen: I continue having my super portfolio preparation ready powers.
I continue doing the things that feed this superpower.
I keep on realising this is something enjoyable that I can learn from, not just a way for our lecturers to torture us.
My commitment:
Keep on doing yoga and shiva nata
Keep remembering to eat and drink. Getting a glass of water is not slacking off.
Take breaks, and work on applying my new list of what is and isn’t a break, so that I come back refreshed rather than more frazzled.
To at least try and be proud of everything I’ve accomplished.
VPA #2: Yes, I’m still planning the blog
What I want: To write some posts to go up and to think about what I want the site to look like.
How this could work:
I could set aside an hour a day to work on this.
I could acknowledge the stuff that’s feeling a little scary (and maybe even write about it).
I could redraw my blog tree plan and stick on my wall, to remind that even when I’m not doing this I’m still thinking about it, collecting bits and pieces of usefulness.
My Commitment:
I am not going to turn this into something I ‘should do’. If I really, really don’t feel like doing it then I don’t have to. If I need to spend all my time doing uni stuff then that’s fine.
Scribbling notes in my notebook.
Shiva nata
and #3: Photo
What I want: To spend two hours taking photos or playing with them because this just chills my brain out so much and makes me look at the world in a different way.
How this could happen:
Book myself a camera time appointment
Feel inspired to go and photograph something
My Commitment:
Appreciate what I create and the process without ‘shoulding’ myself into thinking that unless they’re great works of arts and/or are going to provide an income stream it’s a waste of time.
The whole not having to do this if I really don’t want to or if uni stuff takes over – totally goes for this too.
I’m joining Elizabeth and sending good wishes for everyone’s VPAs. I wish I could also join her in offering to be a physical worker bee; for now I’ll have to keep playing my Playground Fairy Godmother’s role in the energetical field. 🙂
It’s been a while since I’ve last written a VPA. I have one today!
What I want:
Starting today, I have a week and a half to myself. When my gentleman friend comes back, I want to be happy with the way I will have used that time. That possibly means I’ll have moved forward on my projects, or it means something else entirely. The important thing is that I’ll be happy and satisfied at the end of this period.
Ways this could happen:
– I could set conditions of satisfaction
– Things could flow
– I could get a flurry of epiphanies that would help me move forward in significant ways
– I’m open to surprises
My commitment:
– To frequently pause and ask myself “what do I want?”
– To listen and really give consideration to the answers I’ll get to that question
– To make time and space for useful interactions with myself to happen so that I can learn from this experience
– To adjust course if I realise that the path I’m on will not lead me to being happy with the way I will have used my time at the end of this period
.-= Josiane´s last post … Middle of the night musings =-.
I’m brand new here, Havi, and already inspired what I’ve read.
My VPA:
To find the Word file for my ebook, which I’m going to publish in softcover. (Right now, I’m only able to locate the pdf, which someone more technologically smart copy-protected for me. I need the Word file to reformat the manuscript.)
My commitment:
To do things in a relaxed manner and not allow myself to get overwhelmed.
.-= Terry´s last post … Why Didn’t Her Boyfriend Invite Her to His Party? =-.
Er, I meant “inspired BY what I’ve read.”
.-= Terry´s last post … Why Didn’t Her Boyfriend Invite Her to His Party? =-.
Havi, I hate seeing you struggle finding people for Camp Biggification! I want to go so badly, but everything about the timing except the content itself is just wrong for me. There’s just no way, even if I could get the money, that I could carve out the time. So my mini-VPA is for you to find those last few Right People for the Camp and fill it up with joy!
Update on Previous: Has it really been 3 weeks? Well, I not only sold a painting and a commission in the Big Art Sale, I also sold a painting after that. I’m up to $106 on my Kiva donation and am crossing my fingers that I’ll get to make that even higher!
Thing 1: Continued progress selling art and making my living at it.
What I want: To keep connecting, selling, and making art. To see this stuttering start grow and grow until I have to keep painting just to keep up. To experience the joy of wrapping up paintings and sending them off to new homes over and over again.
How this could happen: I can keep making my daily art posts and people will see things they like, and buy them. I could get exposure some other way. People who’ve been on the fence can hop off and buy. Something else. Magic!
My commitment: To keep up the rhythm of my daily art posts. To keep painting and doodling ideas, and also to respect those times I need to lie fallow and rest. To be brave and keep putting myself out there. To acknowledge times of discouragement so I can move through them and onto something else. To get marketing consulting awesomeness from Naomi about it. To make magic!
Thing 2: Some forward motion converting the focus of Not Dead Yet Studios from design to illustration.
What I want: Ease and energy surrounding this focus shift. Some progress this week, even if it’s just shifting around my portfolio pieces to add in my recent illustration projects of awesomeness.
How this could happen: For my copy to start coming together. For a design idea to come to me that’s compatible with my current awesome custom WP theme. For my inner Piglet to get the comfort he needs to let me make this part of my business more visible. I could just make time to make the first tiny changes. Someone else might want me to do a cool illustration for them that’ll help motivate me. More magic!
My commitment: To give Piglet plenty of tea and hugs. To let baby steps be enough. To make the baby steps.
.-= Amy Crook´s last post … How I Almost Threw Away $400 =-.
Phase Two! So exciting. I am really enjoying being even a small part of all this fun-brewing and Playground preparation. Also, I’ve been savoring my Monster Coloring Book — printing out and coloring a page or two at a time, dipping into the Monster Manual to read (and re-read) a few pages at a time, just letting it all settle into my body and my consciousness.
And speaking of my body and my consciousness, here’s my VPA for this week: Quite simply, I want to wake up. I have the feeling that I’ve been doing too many things on autopilot lately, not paying as much attention as I would like, not being as present as I would like. I want that to change.
How this can happen: Well, Shiva Nata seems like a pretty good place to start! Also, I can come up with a magic word or ritual, something to bring me more deeply awake and present — maybe this can be as simple as touching something nearby, slowly and deliberately, with the palms of my hands, and letting myself really feel it.
My commitment: To give some attention to this every time it crosses my mind this week. It needn’t take much time; in fact, I suspect that frequency is at least as important as duration. I’m working on consciously changing my habits here, so repetition is good.
Love and luck to everyone’s VPAs!
.-= Kathleen Avins´s last post … Bypassing perfectionism =-.
Good luck with the Playground, Havi, I hope it all comes together.
MY VPA: I’m finally on the mend after my enormous CFS crash but now I need to continue resting while I recharge my batteries
How This Could Work:
I could ask for reminders and cautionary fingershaking from my family
I could delete a lot of stuff from my to-do list for this week
I could write myself little notes reminding myself that my job right now is to get well
My Commitment:
To do all the above
.-= Kirsty Hall´s last post … A Collection of Random Things =-.
Am now going to nap on mine!
xox
Playground! Playground! Playground!
I wish I could explain how much I want to be in Portland for the playground grand opening. I’m doing a giddy playground dance… If the playground goes mobile I hope it stops here! Havi, I’m sending you my renovation gnomes. Their legs are stumpy so they’re good at floors.
Uppy-dates from last time:
I got the clarity I asked for! I had coaching sessions that happened WAY sooner than I expected. Things are moving faster than I expected. 6 months of mucking around and now I’m FINALLY defining the THING.
SO my ask for this week is for my first client.
How this could happen: I could talk about my thing on twitter. I could get the website up. The plan for making that happen is still just a glimmer. I could randomly stumble on someone who desperately needs me.
My commitment: To keep my eyes and mind open to opportunity. To stay positive and focused on the goal. To keep moving in the direction of the goal. To continue working on the website.
Ask #2 is for the confidence & belief in myself to know I can knock First Client’s socks off.
Ways this can work: I can dance shiva on the pattern of thinking people think badly of me. I can consciously do things to build my confidence. I can keep a list of stuff I have done well.
My commitment: To stay positive. To stay aware of when I get caught up in stuck. To choose activities that will pull me out of stuck if I end up there.
Best wishes to everyone’s VPA’s!
OH HAVI! LOVELY to see that your 4-Thing VPA #47 is telling the universe that it can come to do your bidding (and leave the anvils out of it ~ ) even when you’re not sure how ~!
Luckily, I was raised presuming that everything does work out to be desire/benefit, but your smart and nurturing points on WAYS THIS COULD WORK and MY COMMITMENT are huge, important reminders to me not to dictate HOW things must work out brilliantly; a reminder to remove the limits.
Your “I’ll have to find out” and “we’ll see” are so wise and inviting. Thanks for writing it all out…
Looking forward to bringing the traditional house warming gift (bread & salt, + I include oil for dipping!) to your Playground opening, since it is sure to be a Home for people to thrive in ~
Thanks for inviting others’ VPAs and updates… so much to learn from here.
Your pal,
~GirlPie
.-= TheGirlPie´s last post … TheGirlPie: @outspokenmedia Ooh! Had to get back on to say: Very smart "thanks for commenting" page — swell tool, girls ~ ! =-.
Havi, wishing you lots of energy and gracefulness in dealing with all the workload and hoping for fairy godmother assistance and lots of Mainzelmännchen to do the floor.
Here is what I am asking for:
My early return from India, the effects of the heat, food poisoning, all the overwhelming impressions, the exhausting flights have totally unbalanced me. I am asking for inner re-alignment and for acceptance of the fact that what I had expected to be a wonderful holiday ended up being mostly a very draining experience. I am also asking for patience with unpleasant paperwork and phone calls about unclear bills, banking stuff because of cancelled credit card that got eaten up by an Indian cash machine and my bank that transfered all my money to God knows where and it just disappeared from my statement, and the complaint about my backpack that got almost torn apart during the flight back.
How this can work:
Lots of hermit time. The good thing is that hardly anyone knows that I am back already so there won’t be any “shall we meet up” phone calls.
Lots of sleep, fresh food, fresh air, reading.
Yoga class with Julia, and maybe a sound bowl massage from her.
Getting an appoinment with my beloved kinesiologist.
Reserve one morning for paperstuff and phone calls and get it done and patiently endure all the “if you need assistance with X please press 4” hotline announcements.
My committment:
To keep the week to myself and not to signal to friends in my city that I am actually back already and to do all of the above.
Just writing this makes me feel better.
Update on my first VPA:
I wanted to feel pride while wearing my cap and gown at my PhD ceremony and to own that I earned this, that it’s my accomplishment alone.
Well, I had a bit of a breakdown a couple of days before graduation, which usually clears things up. So when the time came to don my cap and gown, I felt happy and confident. Quite happy, actually. And my gentleman friend surprised me having his father meet us there (I had been sad b/c my parents are gone, so I had no family at my graduation). I saw old friends and colleagues. I felt pride walking on stage getting hooded. I really owned the feeling. And I still feel fantastic. Yay!
Here’s my next VPA:
To work at a job that appreciates me and what I can do.
Ways this could work:
-I could get a lead or referral for a new position from someone who knows me.
-I might find a fabulous job that sends shivers down my spine to cold-apply to.
-I can make even more strides at my current job to do MORE, to show them what I am capable of.
My commitment:
-To keep sending signals “out there” about what I want from my current job AND in my future, better fitting job – telling people, making contacts, information interviews, etc.
-To make sure that what I give to my current job serves me well, since it’s clear the environment is such that you look out for #1.
-To apply regularly (ie, a couple a week) for jobs that look very exciting, esp jobs closer to home.
-To believe that I deserve a safer, kinder work atmosphere, one that prides itself on excellence and rigor – not gossip, office politics, and rampant paranoia.
-To work in the meantime on my own academic stuff and remind myself that I’m making good money at my current job and that things could be worse.
Oh ye gods and little fishes chasing their tails in circles, I love that. Also, need some of it.
Thank you, Havi 🙂
So glad to read of the continuing progress on the Playground!
My latest VPA:
To have confidence that I can meet the expectations of a client for a research project. I’m having a major panic attack after reading the legal terms and deadlines he added to the first draft of the agreement.
Ways this could work:
– Have faith that our general counsel will look out for the university’s best interests as well as my own and will not allow an agreement to get signed that is too unreasonable.
– Remember that I have very willing & competent student workers who once trained in the protocols will be able to do the bulk of the data collection efforts for me. This is a TEAM effort not something I have to take on completely on my own.
– Remember that I can once again have student workers relieve me from some of my hours at the other center that I manage so that I can devote more time to this project especially in its initial phases.
– Remember that the world will NOT come to an end if we cannot to come to terms on the agreement and it gets scrapped. I still have learned a tremendous amount already by the process thus far.
My Commitment:
– To continue to reach out to others for help and advice
– To keep working in good faith on the preliminary steps
– To turn over the legalese to those who have the expertise
– To trust