Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
So my itty bitty personal ads made me realize that it’s time to make a regular practice of trying to feel okay asking for stuff.
Even when the asking thing feels weird and conflicted.
Ever since I posted the first one asking my perfect house to find me, which united me with Hoppy House, I have been a fan of the madness that is personal ads.
And now it’s my Sunday ritual for clarity and remembering and stuff like that. Yay, ritual!
Let us dooo eeeet.
Thing 1: Seeking a new Tech Pirate!
Here’s what I want:
My business, The Fluent Self, Inc, pirate ship at large, needs a new Tech Pirate.
Oh my dear potential new Tech Pirate!
You are a patient explainer. You laugh at gremlins. You have a good heart. You are an independent contractor.
You will monitor, backup, and provide “Oh my god everything just exploded” service for our dedicated web server slice (hosted at slicehost.com).
Basically, if one of our sites vanishes or breaks, we want you to be on call to diagnose/fix the server problem, and (if necessary) reinstall our sites from the backed-up files.
You know how to work with MySQL databases, and PHP doesn’t scare you.
You know how to install, modify and upgrade Moodle (very important) and WordPress (less important) installations.
You care about the work we do here. You care about clear communication with us. You are familiar — at least conceptually — with NVC and compassionate communication. You respect our trust.
Ways this could work:
I’m really hoping that one of my lovely blog readers will know who this person is (or maybe even will be this person).
Open to recommendations.
If this is you, please get in touch with the First Mate by sending an email or filling out a form and let him know what you can do for us.
My commitment.
Same as the last time I asked for this (wow, fourteen months ago) — just more specific.
I am patient. I am fair. I am appreciative of work well-done. Also of trying. And of communicating honestly and openly.
Thing 2: Trust.
Here’s what I want:
So I’m really noticing how hard for me it is to ask for support in the business.
And also those contracted places of heartbreak. Of once burned twice shy.
That place where you’re ready for the new but the old still shows up occasionally when you don’t expect it.
Noticing how much I wanted to jump in and over-emphasize. To say no really the “honestly and openly” part is so important to me.
Noticing the pockets of regret about how long I’ve allowed a state of not good and not loving to exist in my business in various places.
So I don’t know what my ask is but it has to do with trust and faith, and experiences that are peaceful and supportive.
Ways this could work:
I can ask.
I can do Dance of Shiva on this in order to find out what is tangled and how it needs untangling.
I can write and walk and meditate and breathe and color in my monsters.
My commitment.
One thing I am certain of. My company is a truly beautiful place.
And it’s time that I changed my approach: I am going to care for it. Actively, not passively.
Walking the grounds. Removing everything that is not harmonious or that doesn’t match the culture that I love so much. Not from frustration but from love.
And if this means taking my time to find capable, strong, kind, caring people to sail with me, then so be it.
Thing 3: Oof. Facebook.
Here’s what I want:
So I have been avoiding having a Facebook page for the company.
For various reasons.
And now Maryann and Jacquelyn are teaching a class and I adore both of them and want to take it.
But first we should probably put something up on that stupid page.
Or, alternately, figure out why so much resistance.
Ways this could work:
This could get worked on at Drunk Pirate Council on Thursday.
Again, more Shiva Nata to destuckify.
Maybe if I write about this some more and process the process, I’ll figure out where the resistance lives and what kind of reassurances it wants.
My commitment.
To pay attention.
To forgive myself for having so little interest in doing things that I think I’m “supposed to”.
To release as many “supposed to” rules as I can.
To blow bubbles and laugh and wear a silly hat and dance with my duck and twirl my invisible mustaches whenever I start to take any of this too seriously.
To find out when I’m using worry as a distraction. To find out when I am making mountains out of … things that are not mountains.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
Let’s see. I wanted insights on evening rituals. And yes. The fact that I fall asleep the second my head hits the pillow does seem to imply that they need to happen before I get into bed.
It’s actually pretty hilarious that I hadn’t factored that into things. So. Slowly slowly. But I have some ideas, and we’re practicing.
Then I wanted to tell people about my bohemian salon of a yearly freebie class. Which I forgot about. But a ton of people signed up anyway. And I am almost decided on the theme. Will say for sure tomorrow.
I wanted progress with my office-that-is-not-an-office (and in the process of becoming a Wish Room, whatever that is).
And my gentleman friend found me the most perfect shelves ever — at the Rebuilding Center, and also picked up some other gorgeous things at a vintage furniture store. Progress!
No idea about Dana’s house yet, but I am still wishing good things for her too.
Comment zen. Here’s what I’d love today.
- Your own personal ads, small or large. Things you’ve asked for. Or are asking for. Or would like to ask for. Or updates on last time!
What I’d rather not have:
- The word “manifest”.
- To be told how I should be asking for things.
- To be judged, psychoanalyzed or given advices.
Wishing love and good things for your Very Personal Ads! So glad for everyone doing this with me.
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@Havi: I feel your pain about the asking and the “Is that supposed to be on fire?” approach to technology. Hoping for many rainbows and sparkles on you. ^^
Very Personal Ad #4
Update on last week!:
Thing 1 was hope. And that… sorta did, sorta didn’t. I have nerve damage, but my PT is trying new things to fix it. He says I might need to pick a different career, but there’s still – yep – hope. We’ll have to see.
Thing 2 was courage. OH DEAR GOD, we found that in spades. And it has totally and radically changed every thing we had planned. Well, not everything, but close. I discovered a love for romping, hiking, and traveling. I discovered that I would like to be the next Nomadic Matt. Now I’m just figuring out whether this stuff is sustainable, what I need to do to get something that way, and figuring out what to do with my kitties.
Thing 3 was pain management. That didn’t happen. PT started. PT hurts. F*ck PT. That said, if it makes it better and
I can write again, I’m willing to put up with anything.
So, this week!
Thing 1: Direction (yes, more of it)
What I would like: To know what projects should be a Go. To know which ones can be combined and made stronger. To figure out whether speech-to-text can work for me or whether it’s all just a migraine.
Ways this could happen: Talk to the male-person.
Work out what I want and what I don’t want.
Figure out a healthy work-life balance for me, right now.
Re-read my Constitution and make sure everything is in line.
Therapy. (My short word for walking, talking, labyrinths, writing, music, dancing, and whatever else sees to the betterment of me.)
My commitment: To do therapy.
To be open-minded.
To do my best to set go of out-dated models.
To actually use Vor and Vir.
Thing 2: Light
What I would like: A damn career that I feel fits me, lets me be me, plays to my strengths, doesn’t hurt or kill me to do.
Ways this could happen: I could get advice.
I could read my favorite books/blogs and find it.
I could dream it.
It could fall in my lap.
More therapy.
My commitment: Therapy.
A willingness to try new things and retry old ones.
To be open-minded.
Thing 3: Cooperation
What I would like: For Vor and Vir and me to come to a serendipitous understanding. I would like their help, and I would like it to not be so painful. (Or, you know, at all.)
Ways this could happen: I could stubbornly refuse to give up.
I could ask them nicely.
We could talk and I could tell them my issues.
My commitment: To do so.
To be just as cooperative and open to their needs.
To try new things.
“To find out when I’m using worry as a distraction.”
Ohmygosh. I never realized that I did this until this past week. I was out of town, and noticed that I was *really* worried about (or about issues surrounding) two of my Lovely Lovelies. And I got to thinking – this worry sounded an awful lot like I didn’t think they were capable of handling whatever came their way – that they *need* me to be there, because otherwise, stuff falls APART, and OMG, DOOOOOOOOM! And that’s simply not true. They’re utterly capable, utterly sufficient, and frequently crafty in the best possible ways. And I know this.
But, apparently, worry was a convenient way for me to be thinking about and missing them without _having to admit to myself_ just how much I miss them. Hmph. And then that brought up all kinds of Stuff that had several different Monsters all tangled up in a gnarled ball. So I am gently, gently, lovingly, and with the help of said Lovelies, untangling the Ball of Stuff.
Ahoy, me hearties! Y’arr, it’s Talk Like a Pirate Day.
So… I actually wrote a few asks late last night on my blog. And I still feel weird about it today. Soooo much resistance to asking for support or help of any kind. And self-judginess for even asking- what the hell’s up with that?
Anyway, so I’d like to feel better about putting asks out there, at least until I bury my current post with others. 😉
And hey, if you’d like to stop by to leave a birthday greeting, that’d be cool and very much appreciated.
Ask for the rest of the week: All Smooth. Productive and calm.
How/Commitment: stick to the yoga everyday. Did it all last week and it helped set the tone for the day even if things fell apart later. Move forward- don’t overthink decisions of which when I know I want to do both eventually anyway. Just start.
Update on last time: I wanted to swing back into uber productive mode with my Thing, and it did happen, just not in the manner I expected. No doubt too much emphasis on perfectionism instead of new creation, but some of it really did need doing. I’ll take it!
.-= claire´s last post … Sketchbook- page 47- birthday edition =-.
My cohesion asks have been answered. I signed up for Catherine Caine’s Awesome Website Extravaganza. So wonderful and thought provokingly helpful, especially with the Shiva Nata added piphs.
The whole town shut down for the week because of Independence Day, so no signing up for salsa and weaving. Next week.
Thing 1:
I’ve been running into issues with structure and ritual. Needing them. Being smacked in the face with the need.
I’m looking at the idea of and poking at the edges of developing a structure (read framework) and attaching ritual to make it more comfortable and therefore, likely to happen.
How this could happen:
Mostly awareness and observance.
Shiva Nata
My commitment:
Lots more though and poking.
Being open to the process on this one.
Seeing what shows up.
There is no Thing 2 this week. Thing 1 is so massive, and probably needs to be broken down into 6-8 things. And hopefully will be next week, but sheesh, I don’t want anything else.
.-= Kathryn´s last post … Sticky fingers and Pineapple slices =-.
Progress report –
I asked for insight to my morning routines. Six mornings out of seven I lit a candle when I woke… and that was about it. Perhaps this week I can integrate some thoughts about that. Maybe take 10 seconds to.. idunno, LOOK at the candle. Make it have its significant effect instead of just light it because I know I want a routine.
But it’s progress.
Thing 1: Quietude.
Here’s what I want:
This is such a big thing for me. Such a huge concept and it’s so snuggly wand warm. It makes me think of books, chai tea, fruit juice and.. blankets. and a beanbag.
Oh yes please.
I’ve not slept well, I keep waking at stupid times and having those dreams where you do stuff and then wake up and you feel like you’ve been running around all night.
I want a chance to sit and read.
Ways this could work:
Incorperate reading into my morning routine??
Start doing tea ceremonies agian. Really be mindful and focus on the nice moments.
My commitment.
To try and be patient with myself.
To celebrate in a way that’s meaningful to me.
To dance.
Thing 2: Finish the Novel!
Here’s what I want:
I’ve been writing this novel since June; but the preparation started in NOVEMBER.
I love it and I love that I’m writing and I’m at 82,000 words which is YAY.
Yet, I’m starting to resent the time spent – i want to read and dance and meditate and sleep and it’s ytaking over my life and sometimes i dont like the story and the doubts are here and ARGH.
So I’d like a – to reach 90,000 words so I can stop and take a week off [i’m on a deadline for submission so can’t afford more time], b – to spend all that free time reading and meditating and c – to get some insight on how the process affected me/what i’ve learned.
Ways this could work:
I’m watching movies like Sense and Sensibility and reading the NaNoWriMo forums for ideas and extra plotlines.
I have orange juice and chai tea.
I’ve begun researching the editing process so that I can really take a week off – not worry for a week about what i’ll do at the end.
My commitment.
To try and be patient with myself.
To celebrate each 1,000 words with.. something. Chocolate or fresh air or peppermint tea.
Happy VPAing!
.-= Rose´s last post … Visibility- Reaching the Edge =-.
VPAs make me happy.
Progress report: Last time I asked for more connection. And I have indeed made more connection. I talked to two friends last week, and it felt good. I will keep trying this.
This week:
Thing 1: my right people
What I want: I am a coach. I coach people on all kinds of things, really, but I focus on sex and sexuality issues, on feeling better about wanting what they want and not wanting what they don’t want; on being able to talk about it more easily and knowing themselves better so they can have pleasure and joy from their bodies.
What I have discovered, though, is that because sex is such a big deal in lots of places, lots of people get scared. Too scared to ask. Too scared to talk. Way way too scared to email and get help. Even a Very Smart Marketing Person said this is a hard one.
This is No Good. I would like to find my right people who need support and help in the figuring-sex-out department and the making-a-plan-for-good-sex department. I would like to be able to help people be less isolated and scared and unsure and more confident and happy and to know that they are as sexy outside as inside.
Ways this could work:
Writing for my website.
Telling people What It Is I Do.
Joining likely communities.
Making Free Things that will help people know me and be less scared.
Referrals from people who either coach and don’t want to talk about sex or who do sex-related-stuff but don’t coach.
Finding Unscary things I can do that will attract people.
My commitment:
This first one is kind of cheating because I already did it: talk to someone local about doing a workshop on how-to-talk-to-kids-about-sex (an Unscary class)
finishing my article about bagels and sex
carry my business cards
make an audio file about something like this
keep sitting with it
and @Havi, blessings on your Tech Pirate search. I have passed your ad onto a most wonderful, gentle Tech Pirate of my acquaintance. May the right person find you, with less burning and less shyness than you expect.
.-= Leela´s last post … when is it real =-.
I haven’t done a VPA before, but after yesterday’s awesome craziness and exhaustion, I starting writing it before I even realized it was a VPA. But it is. So here it is.
Here’s what I want: A fabulous show assistant.
As I’ve gotten better and better at finding those shows my right people gravitate toward, I’ve gotten busier and busier at said shows, and there are times it would be incredibly helpful to have an extra set of hands to take care of processing credit cards while I’m helping someone else or another set of eyes to watch over things. And I can’t always count on neighboring artists or my very patient friends to go fetch that yummy-looking pizza/lemonade/sandwich/whatever for me or to spot me while I rush to the bathroom. And it would be nice to have a chance to take at least a quick loop through the shows to see what other artists are up to.
So, I’ve come to the realization that I need a show assistant. Someone who could come for a couple of hours on show days during the busiest times to help with taking monies and answering questions and trying on of stuff by the customers and writing up the special orders and who could basically be another me. Someone who “gets” my stuff and isn’t pushy sales-sales-sales but isn’t going to be an inert lump on the chair, either. Someone smart and nice and trustworthy and fun to hang with. Someone who can speak intelligently about my stuff already, or can be trained to do so. Someone who can hold down the fort for maybe a half-hour at a time when I need to step away and take care of myself. Someone who doesn’t mind fetching yummy treats.
Here’s how this could work: Maybe this person is already among my friends. Or students. Or customers. Or Cleveland Handmade buddies. Or relatives. Or maybe it’s someone I haven’t met yet.
Maybe it’s an artist who hasn’t done shows before who wants to learn the ropes. Or a mature (mentally, not necessarily age-wise) student.
Maybe this person wants a little extra cash, or trade for jewelry, or lessons in something I can teach them. Or some combination thereof.
My commitment: To spend more time this week getting very specific about exactly what I want and don’t want.
To spend some time this week going through my contact list to see if someone jumps out at me. Or whispers at me.
To be very open and honest and not try to shove square pegs into round holes just because I’m not very good at turning people down.
To take the time to find the right person, and to trust that she (or he, who knows?) will show up. But to also be open to considering all possibilities, even those that don’t match the picture I have drawn of this person in my head.
.-= Lori Paximadis´s last post … Rocky River Fall Arts Festival =-.
*sigh* Oh, the trust thing.
As I sit here printing out little signs for a small press fair I’m in next weekend, and having done some Shiva Nata-ing on the issue, I’m painfully aware of just how good I’ve become at taking my marbles and going home.
I’m loving doing my indie author/publisher/hand-made bookbinder thing out here on the fringes. I’m also incredibly flinchy about it. (And people get really nasty online about indie publishing — usually people holding a ticket in the commercial publishing lottery.)
My Very Personal Ad is in two parts:
1) A call-out for the Dear Reader(s) who will just get my stuff, who can step past the miles of publishing industry landfill and wander into the forest of imagination with me.
2) A Wizard-of-Ozzian call for the courage to be creative and sharing, not so much on the lookout for rejection that I pre-emptively create it and run off with my aforementioned marbles before the other person (real or imagined) has even had a chance to play with me.
There isn’t even any logic in this anticipation, because people generally seem to like my books. I’m even okay with people not liking them, because that just means they’re not my audience. No problem; I only like narrow slices of what’s on offer, too.
It’s this in-between thing that’s so hard, about reaching out to people, connecting with them, having the conversation that will intrigue them in an inviting, sharing, non-manipulative yet effective way. And doing “enough” and “the right thing” online to generate interest in my thing… without getting drawn into Internet bickering.
There’s much of this I’d rather not do. I just want to share, not to sell. But I’m also well aware that if I just hide in a knothole in a tree I’ll just be wasting what’s given to me and , and if I don’t sell my work or keep giving things away for free, then I’m not valuing what I can do, so other people won’t value it. Like those kids who kept buying gifts for people so they’d be their friends, except those kids weren’t really their friends.
Yeah, so all that stuff. And a goat. I want a goat one day.
*Love* the rebuilding center. 🙂
My Ask – also Trust.
It seems as though all aspects of my life could use a healthy dose of trust. I’ve been noticing how difficult it is for me to trust (and how tangled trust is with safety in that it’s impossible for me to trust when I don’t feel safe. I’d really like to cultivate a new relationship with the quality. Right now the whole concept basically makes me want to throw up.
Ways this could work:
-shivanata – of course.
-through meditation and writing.
-through talking with wise friends.
My commitments:
-to continue exploring my relationship with safety; noticing when I feel safe, playing with sensations of both safety and non-safety (terror, alone-ness), etc especially at times when feelings of non-safety aren’t already up.
-to dance (shivanata) and/or walk the patterns of distrust and trust.
-to dialogue with these parts of me that absolutely, unequivocally believe that I have to be constantly vigilant in order to be safe. That completely believe trust is Not. An. Option.
.-= Larisa´s last post … The Hardest Thing in the World =-.
I haven’t done this for a couple weeks, I think, not because I haven’t had anything to ask for but because I’ve felt like so many things have gone right in the last few weeks that I’ve been unsure whether I should tempt fate!
So instead, I’ll ask for serenity and patience, and continued good luck. And my commitment will be to be patient and pleased with how things are, and to recognize the knock of opportunity on the door.
(That last of which is to say, incidentally, that I have sent your First Mate an email.)
.-= Chris Anthony´s last post … Everyday Delight 12 – Slithy Toves edition =-.
Havi, I also notice a resistance to some things I’m “supposed” to do, particularly in regard to social networking sites and business stuff.
For me, there’s safety in anonymity, probably because it’s been my modus operandi for most of my life. I’ll always need to keep some cherished things to myself, I guess. Perhaps we all do.
My intention this week is to respond to everything that happens, the good and the hard, as though it’s an expression of divine grace, which I believe it is.
How this will work:
A solidly grounded morning practice.
A humble request.
My committment is to do these things and let my attachment to the result go. Thank you, sweetie. Best wishes for a competant and kind-hearted, swashbuckling IT to find you soon! xo
.-= Rupa´s last post … Other People’s Dirt and Some of My Own =-.
My ask this week is for the universe to put me in touch with the right life coach.
I’m looking for someone who can help me work through some patterns and habits, figure out how I can devote more time to my priorities, and set (and reach) goals. This coach will be caring, supportive, motivating, and encouraging. Hopefully the type of person who reads this website.
I’m thinking that this might be the perfect opportunity for someone who’s just starting out; maybe someone who is just launching their coaching practice and needs to get some experience and a good referral. You see, I can’t afford to pay very much per session right now. I do professional copywriting and marketing communications, so maybe I could partially pay with my services.
If you think this might be you, or if you might be able to refer someone to me, please email me at leapinglion (at) hotmail (dot) com.
Oh my, it’s been a while, but I do have a Very Personal Ad today. In some ways it’s related to the last one I posted a while back.
What I want: To be able to make a living doing something I like (and am capable of).
My current job, which is something I don’t really like much, is about to be pulled out from under me because of health problems. Of course, my employer is looking really hard for something other that “health problems” for which to lay me off, but it is what it is.
I would love to save them the trouble and find something that makes use of the things I love (writing, the outdoors, helping people), the things I know (printing, design and layout), and the things I am physically capable of (the myositis I’ve been diagnosed with is quite limiting; the option to work from home would be a big help). Oh yeah, and that pays me enough to stay insured–’cause treatments for myositis are expensive–and pay all the other bills.
The ways this could work include finding a job with someone who need what I’ve got and can supply what I need. Or inspiration could strike me and I could actually find a way to turn all these things into a business of my own. Or something I haven’t thought of yet could pop up. What I dearly need is the confidence in myself to go for whatever opportunity presents itself.
My commitment? To go the extra mile in creating opportunities, and pursue them when they appear. Also to learn new things and consider new possibilities. And, once I find what I’m looking for, to nurture it and cherish it and be properly thankful for it.
Havi–thanks so much for your blog, and for the opportunity to place these ads. You are the best!
Hugs on the tech woes, @Havi. Hope the right person will show up soon. And @Rose, sending lots of good thoughts your way. I love it when people complete novels!
An update: last week, I asked for our new home to come easily. BAM. Stumbled across an ad, and within four days found a place that costs half of what ours currently does, in the same great neighborhood, right across from son’s preschool. Thank you, VPAs!
Did not achieve the balance thing, but that wasn’t VPA’s fault. That was all me. Apparently, I wanted balance but did NOT want to do the commitments. Bad Cathy. No cookie.
So, this week, my VPAs are:
1. Figure out a name for my sweet, new thing. I’m ready to launch, I’m writing STUFF, and I’m happy and excited. Just need the name to hang it on!
how this might happen: The signs could point to it. Naomi could suggest one. I’m open to any possibility.
My commitment: I’ll keep working on the content and keep a running list; I’ll meditate to see what feels right.
2. Decide once and for all if I’m staying or leaving current agents.
How this might happen: they will get back to me on new project, and my gut will know one way or another. Or they’ll dump me. As always, open.
My commitment: keep doing the footwork until my heart and gut make it clear, one way or another. Keep on writing. Don’t future trip.
Thanks, guys. Have a great week!
.-= Cathy´s last post … Why Do We Keep Trying To Be Prom Queen =-.
Seeking a part-time nanny
Here’s what I want:
Someone to come and play with my kids for a couple of mornings a week so that I can get some work done. She should be patient and playful and active, and able to roll with a 2-year-old being a 2-year-old. And I need her to stick around for a while, so that I don’t have to go through this all again right away.
Ways this can work:
I will meet with the 3 people I’ve already been in contact with. I will tell everyone else I know what I’m looking for. And I will be open to a caregiver who is totally awesome but doesn’t look like what I’m expecting her to look like.
My commitment:
I will be patient on this, and not panic and go with the first person just because of my fear surrounding the process of finding someone. And my love of having a plan. And I will ease my children into this, so that it is as gentle on everyone as possible. And I will be flexible and understanding if things don’t work like I’m hoping.
.-= Amber´s last post … Jacob’s Baby =-.
Hello, all. Wishing you the best with your asks.
@ Larisa: “Right now the whole concept basically makes me want to throw up.” Oh, do I hear this. And I’ve bookmarked your post on The Hardest Thing in the world.
@ Hamish: “Like those kids who kept buying gifts for people so they’d be their friends, except those kids weren’t really their friends.” Ooof. That hit a nerve. Can’t help with that (other than sending sympathetic vibes) but I can tell you that chow-shepherd mutts do very good impersonations of goats (mine has eaten everything from razor blades to cream puffs with no perceptible digestive distress).
My Thing: I’d like for my body to stay asthma-free, yeast-free, and cramp/kink/pinched-nerve-free for more than a couple days at a time. Especially since I’ll be running through town in a red ballgown in a month, and I’d like to be more in shape for that.
Ways this could work:
– I could get enough sleep
– I could defer distractions and decline requests that get in the way of getting enough sleep
– I could keep the fridge and pantry stocked with healthy, no-fuss snacks
– I can keep reminding myself that my peeps have my back on multiple fronts, and that I’m not going to end up digging through Atlantic City trash cans for my next meal in twenty years if I don’t agree to x or answer z right away.
Update on last week’s VPA, in which I asked for patience and generosity of spirit: feeling much better about the project in question, but the need for patience and non-whiningness in general isn’t going to go away anytime soon. Rereading my “ways this could work” — it may not be this week with the situps (I have a heating pad perched on my aching shoulder as I type), but a girl can dream.
.-= Mechaieh´s last post … clippings- how it is going to turn out =-.
Last week I did a stealth ask. Very stealth. I didn’t get what I asked for, BUT I understand why I don’t have it so I have a direction to go now.
My ask for this week is for MY RIGHT PEOPLE. For my biz, for my life, for all my people-needs. (I love VPA’s – I didn’t realize that was the core of my asks until just this second.)
Ways this could work: I can be more targeted in my people-meeting activities. Not sure really… I’m taking a class next week- there could be right people there. I could learn when to be choosy and when to be open…
My commitment: to do shiva nata on the issue. to do the work necessary in the class. to go easy on myself. to appreciate the right people I do have.
good luck to everyone on their VPA’s this week! so many exciting updates. best wishes everyone!
I am not sure if I ever asked here, but a steady ask in my heart has been for someone to play art with who doesn’t come with the baggage that my current art friends have. Last week I sat at Donkey with someone who I’ve known for many years now, and found that friend. I was able to explain my choice to not enter QN this year and be heard and accepted, and not have my decision questioned. It was heaven. We’re meeting again on Wednesday.
Somehow, because of teaching her I think, (she had asked me to teach her beading on fabric) I realized that I am ready to start teaching beadwork again. Specifically bead *embroidery*. My last teaching experience had gone so badly that I didn’t want to do that ever again (the shop owner called me and berated me because one of the students had asked for a refund, long story). I realized part of what had happened with that incident was that I was intending to teach bead embroidery, while the dissatisfied student was there to learn flat peyote stitch (which was part of the project, but not my main focus).
This week’s ask is for a continuation of this renewed confidence in my skills and ability to bring them to a larger audience, both as finished works and as instruction.
How this could happen? I have no clue, other than by letting people who have asked me to teach in the past know that I am available to teach now.
My commitment is to be clear about what will be taught, what will not be taught, and what skill levels are needed for a class.
.-= Andi´s last post … The Sketchbook Project- Week Two =-.
Hi! Love your site, but I believe this is my first VPA. I’ve written a couple on post-its and stuck them in my planner though. Does that count?
Thing #1 — Destuckification surrounding some Iguanas at Day Job. Since The Powers That Be announced that it is their goal to eliminate all of the positions like mine over the next three years, I’ve been having a bit of an inner brat temper tantrum. Add that to being unhappy there to begin with, and the What Are You Going To Do Now??? Monsters screaming Doom, Doom, Doom, and two weeks of having The Plague, and it has created major stuckness surrounding some honestly rather routine tasks. I would like to get unstuck and get on with things already.
How this could work:
TPTB could announce that they’ve made a terrible mistake, that we’re all brilliant, and they want us to stay forever. (okay, that’s not going to happen, and it wouldn’t make me love the job if it did. NEXT!)
I could sit down at a very large table with the files and piles, have an Iguana Roll Call, and chat with the Iguanas — let them keep me company while we get some work done. Utterly and possibly hilariously agree with them at the long-term futility of doing any of these tasks. Remind them that this job is currently our Source of Survival Tickets and therefore just a tad important short-term. Feed them some lettuce. Have a rousing Bitch Session/Pity Party with them, and work while we do it.
My committment:
To haul the files and piles into the conference room (where there is of course a lovely enormous table), offer some lettuce to the Iguanas, and see if they will talk to me. At least sit with the stuckness.
Thing #2 — Clarity/Direction/Reassurance surrounding What’s Next
How this could work:
Is skywriting too much to ask? (ok, yeah, probably)
How about a super clear dream that I actually remember after I wake up?
Or I could scribble ideas into a Moleskine until something gels.
My committment:
To review the relevant information on Inducing Helpful Dreams.
To keep a Moleskine and a pen handy for scribbling.
To sit with the questions.
Wishing everyone a great week!
Today’s ask: Joy.
How: Patience.
Commitment: Love.
(I’m having kind of a sluggish day today, but I’m here, doing my best.) 🙂
.-= Kathleen Avins´s last post … Act now- before I change my mind! =-.
Oops! My twitter is actually tarynblake71. Can you tell I only (finally) joined b/c of this blog?
.-= pink´s last post … Nearly September Really =-.
What I want: To be finished with this freelance gig. Extricated, gracefully. To say thank you, and to be helpful in making suggestions for how they might get by without me. Boundaries that create spaciousness.
Ways this could happen: Wednesday during the work party, because that feels very contained and safe – I have a supportive place to set out from and return to. I could remember that if this is the best thing for me, then it’s the best thing for them, too. I could remember the playful items on my dammit list that this will fulfill, most importantly: I don’t work anywhere that plays Fox News in the kitchen, dammit! (Also, if flip flops violate the dress code, I want no part, dammit.)
My commitment: To be clear and not leave unwanted openings. (i.e. do not say “oh sure, call me if you get in a bind” just to abate any potential discomfort or guilt that comes up. Dance for sovereignty. Appreciate all the movement that makes it possible to let go of this gig. To explore and get creative with my concept of “safety nets”. To give away the clothes I own that are only worn to places that play Fox News in the kitchen.
.-= Briana´s last post … Goddess Leonie Allan in the Green Room with a swift kick to the balls =-.
Thing 1: A great week of beginnings at the new job.
How this could work: My coworkers could take time to help me orient, things could be organized, this new work place could be insanely wonderful and ideal for me.
My commitment: To be present in the moment, or at least to notice when I’m not being present and be okay with that. To talk to people. To ask plentiful questions. To be curious. To be open to this being a mind-blowingly great job. Oh! And Dance of Shiva.
Thing 2: I think I’m ready to work on my blog a bit. Spruce it up, make it more me, and also more inviting for my right people. So I want evolution for the blog, I think.
How this could work: I don’t know. I could think about it. I could ask someone to give me their thoughts on it, or someone could just offer their thoughts on it. I could be open to doing some in the soft work on it before anything actually happens in the hard.
My commitment: Dance of Shiva on it. Writing and brainstorming on it. To think about asking a fellow blogger to give me some feedback on it, even if I don’t actually do that asking.
A very happy start to this week, all!
.-= Kylie´s last post … a gathering of good stuff =-.
I’m too tired to process all of this right now but just wanted to send so much love for all of these. MWAH. You guys are the best. That is all.
This afternoon I put a big item on my to-do list: find a decent free or low-cost online content management system for a course I’m creating.
Havi, you solved this problem for me in your VPA today. Moodle! I haven’t thought about Moodle in years but it is perfect for my purposes.
Universe, very nicely done. Cheers.
.-= Katie Hart´s last post … Whats on My Mind Wednesday =-.
i don’t have anything new to ask for this week – more of the same, please. the universe and the vpa-gods have been very kind recently.
havi, thank you for saving this space for us every week.
.-= Tami´s last post … Saturday Senses =-.
That was my first Very Personal Ad on this site, and now having read other’s examples, I realise that a VPA is not just a cri de coeur to the universe — “Wah wah waaaah!” — but an acknowledgement of what’s so and a resolution for what to do about it. (Thanks, all, for the indirect teaching in your examples.)
So:
What I want: Clarity about how to live the Front Stage part of my life as an author and publisher.
Ways this could happen:
– Dedicated time for working on the issue.
– Shiva Nata before these sessions so I can see the patterns at work.
– Structured time for doing Front Stage “performance” work (revising my own website, writing blog posts and tweets, blog-commenting elsewhere, identifying and seeking out my right people)
– Dedicated Back Stage time for my writing, apart from thoughts about product or effect.
My commitment:
– Unearthing my ‘stories’ about this area and being willing for them to change.
– Being kind to myself about my discomfort, willingness and unwillingness, and my distaste for much of the received wisdom about how to do this.
– Sticking with it through the spaghetti-legged moments until I feel I’ve got a coherent approach to this that’s my own and I can work with comfortably.
– Doing my own thing and encouraging others to do theirs, all of us learning better and better ways to find our right people and share our creative work with them.
Thanks, Havi, for providing a space for us to do our homework.
It’s an aside, really (I haven’t dared to have a VPA yet), but the point about Facebook is fascinating. I have a similar sort of feeling. Whenever I go on FB, I feel slightly sick and icky and guilty and generally very weird. I have no idea what this means, but I suspect it’s a whole clump of Stuff. Currently I deal with this through total avoidance.
I might creep back and read all these wonderful ads.
.-= Ali Macleod´s last post … Managing an ageing workforce =-.
I am trying to formulate my first real VPA. I have a throat infection and feel rough, though, so I will watch Shiva Nata and hope that just watching puts my brain in the mood to function.
Regarding Facebook, I’ve also always had a Bad Feeling about it. I’ve used other social media, but never FB.
Talking to the Spouse about it recently has been interesting. He’s a very security-conscious sys admin, and his take on FB is that it’s a total disaster with a good PR department. He loathes everything about FB – its problems with privacy, its history of sharing private info with third parties on the grounds that if you sign up you’ve handed all the content over to them to do with as they will, its massive holes in security, its encouraging of people to get hooked into gaming… He believes they’re a profoundly unethical organisation.
I know next to nothing about any of this stuff, so all I know is that it’s interesting that it triggers such strong reactions.
My ask for this week: to gain some insight into how my time and life are working right now. I’ve just made some dramatic changes in time-available, and it’s thrown a lot of other things off. I think maybe instead of telling myself YOU MUST DO X Y & ALSO Z, what I need to do is to just observe what’s going on with me, and how things might work in this new mode of existing.
How this might work:
– I could make notes!
– I could quietly observe.
– I could stop beating myself up about what I am and am not managing to do.
– I could reconsider (after the observing) which of my commitments I really want to stick with.
My commitment:
– To make at least mental notes about what does and doesn’t work.
– To listen to myself and what I need.
.-= Juliet´s last post … Very late potato-planting =-.
Update: Huge shift on my issue this afternoon, thanks to the Shiva Nata X-Ray Specs!
Thank you to Havi and everyone who creates this great, safe space for playing and experimenting.
Oh man, I missed Talk Like a Pirate VPA day!
Which is really too bad, cause what I want is..
a carrrrrr.
-You are experienced from previous relationships
-You live near me, around Portland, Maine
-You share my commitment to frugal living at <$4000
-You have 35 mpg
-Slight build preferred for easy parking (ooh la la)
-You’ll carry me safely and in good stead for our time together (seeking medium-term relationship of one to three years but open to longer term if our future paths align)
-Independent and resilient – your resale value means owning you will cost me $1,000/yr or less
-Honda, Toyota, Volvo or Subaru? Or maybe you’ll surprise me.
-You can move in with me by October 4.
How this could happen:
-Comb the ads
-My friend might sell me his Honda
-Ask everyone I know
-Sing over my wishing well
My commitment:
Oh baby. I will take care of you.
I will treasure you. This is one of my strengths: I do not take the things I own for granted, even after years of service.
We will go to inspiring classes and do wonderful art and theatre projects together.
I’ll work on being conscious of how I use you and how it changes my habits and my footprint. I’ll make plans for how to not become overdependent and not abandon my bike.
shoot, somehow there was a deletion in there
should have said
-You have 35 mpg
oh. I guess my greater-than and less-than signs are being misinterpreted.
less than 100,000 miles – and maybe, like me, look younger than you are.
Committed to a small footprint at more than 35 mpg.
Scuse the multi-posting.