Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
So my itty bitty personal ads made me realize that it’s time to make a regular practice of trying to feel okay asking for stuff.
Even when the asking thing feels weird and conflicted.
Ever since I posted the first one asking my perfect house to find me, which united me with Hoppy House, I have been a fan of the madness that is personal ads.
And now it’s my Sunday ritual for clarity and remembering and stuff like that. Yay, ritual!
Let us dooo eeeet.
Thing 1: to find the organization that needs our refrigerator.
Here’s what I want:
Hoppy House has a GIGANTIC (also gleaming and beautiful) refrigerator that is much more bad-ass than we need. You might remember that I asked — several Very Personal Ads ago — for help finding a small, energy-efficient refrigerator.
And find it we did. But we need to move out the current one to make space for it.
So I’m happy to not sell it, and let it go to an organization who needs it — as long as they can physically take care of moving it.
Ways this could work:
- I could ask Hope, my realtor friend who helped us get the Playground, if she knows a good place to contact.
- Maybe some other friends are familiar with organizations — possibly a women’s shelter? — that could use these and has people who can do the moving.
- Maybe some of my readers can make recommendations.
My commitment.
To wish happiness to whoever ends up using this beautiful peace of equipment.
To appreciate the symbolic bits in this transition — to recognize what it means to downsize in a way that isn’t about less good, but about more good.
Thing 2: Projectizing!
Here’s what I want:
Oh boy. I have two small missions that really, really need some love and attention from me.
Also, they are extremely time-sensitive. And I care about them a lot, which is probably why I’m avoiding them.
So they need time, and as soon as possible. Today, really. That would be good.
Ways this could work:
I can process the process and write about why the stuck.
Dance of Shiva on it for some hot, buttered epiphanies.
Go to the Playground.
Ask smart questions.
My commitment.
To stay curious, without being judgmental.
To be patient, without pushing.
To find out what I need in order to do this.
Thing 3: More time with my body.
Here’s what I want:
This is a follow-up to an ask from a few weeks ago.
I want to be spending more time hanging out with my body.
And I want this to be active time. Not active as in doing something active. It doesn’t have to be high-paced aerobic anything. Unless I feel like it.
But active in the sense that I am present and here, as opposed to a more casual, passive way of being with my body.
Ways this could work:
Time to just breathe.
Be in water. Be near water. Walk. Move.
Take a class.
And, of course, more shivanautical escapades.
My commitment.
To pay attention and notice where this gets stuck or feels painful.
To give it time.
To find out what I’m trying not to encounter.
To remember that my absolute biggest priority in all of this is safety. Does this feel safe?
No forcing. No violence. No guilt. Just love.
Thing 4: Rally!
Here’s what I want:
Our lovely Rally (Rally!) is filling up with the most amazing people. Fun!
I still have not rewritten the page, though I made some small edits and it is considerably prettier.
Anyway, while I’m figuring out what I want to say, it would be lovely to say hello to the next batch of Rally-ites.
Who’s coming?
Ways this could work:
I can finish writing the page.
And I can remind you that it exists: the page about how great it is to rally (rally!).
I can go to the Playground and wear costumes and play.
My commitment.
To buy gorgeous presents for the Playground and for everyone coming to the Rally.
To write love letters.
To skip around the room.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
I asked for a new Tech Pirate for our pirate ship, and we got a ton of people wanting the job. THANK YOU!
We (the First Mate and I) are still in the process of decision-making on that, and we really appreciate how many amazing people want to help us out. What an amazing thing.
My second ask was about trust, and that was kind of the theme of the week, as it turned out. Movement! So. Not done with this one, but the progress has been big and surprising.
The third thing was to finally put up a Facebook page for The Fluent Self, Inc and our pirate ship.
But it was really to stop being so stuckified about how I didn’t want to do it.
And then Kelly and Jacquelyn and Maryann gave me so much support with this. And reminded me to use Metaphor Mouse.
And now we have a Facebook page that is a secret bar.
Which is fabulous. It’s still totally a work in progress but you can come hang out with us there –> http://facebook.com/TheFluentSelf
Thanks, guys.
Comment zen. Here’s what I’d love today.
- Your own personal ads, small or large. Things you’ve asked for. Or are asking for. Or would like to ask for. Or updates on last time!
What I’d rather not have:
- The word “manifest”.
- To be told how I should be asking for things.
- To be judged, psychoanalyzed or given advices.
Wishing love and good things for your Very Personal Ads! So glad for everyone doing this with me.
Follow
Greetings!
Here’s what I want: Permission, please, with a dash of patience and gentleness.
There were some huge shifts on some very stuck, long-held patterns over this past week. I’m asking for permission to take the time to integrate, permission for this integration to take as long as it takes and reminders to be patient and gentle with myself.
Ways this could happen:
-Hiding! Allowing myself to cave and hide as much as I want.
-Sloooow walks. In the rain, perhaps.
-Hot soup and hot chocolate.
-Baking!
-Writing, writing, writing.
My commitments:
-To schedule huge gaps of nothing into each day this week.
-To do shiva nata to slow, beautiful music.
-To spend time quietly listening to my body.
And, update! I asked for trust and surprising, rather wondrous things happened that are now allowing a bit more trust to shine through. Incredible. And, disorienting. 🙂
Love to all.
.-= Larisa´s last post … Patterns- Patterns Everywhere- The Ortho-Bionomy – Shiva Nata Connection =-.
Yay for VPA day! I hope you all have a wonderful week full of your asks.
Thing #1:
I have two BIG projects in the works, both of which are going to be gearing up in the next two weeks. These are also the two weeks where I am going to be taking care of my father as he goes through radiation while playing back up support to my mother.
Ways this could happen:
-I could find a schedule that works for me and my family.
-I could walk lots to get inspired and try and work off some stress.
-I could outline all my projects and meetings for the next two weeks so I feel in control.
My commitment:
-To be open to changes and unexpected things, and to accept them gracefully.
-To do my yoga every morning, even if it means taking away from my work time.
-To walk through the fall leaves lots with my doggie and my ipod. To breathe slowly.
Thing #2:
Waiting. Patience. Not knowing. I have issues with all of these things, and my life is full of them lately. Some are really wonderful and beautiful things that are just a long way away, and some of it just feels like waiting for the other shoe to drop.
My commitment:
-To look forward to the good things, but not to draw any conclusions about outcomes before they happen.
-To not pressure other people to draw conclusions either.
-To examine and enjoy to the process.
-To figure out what is in the space between waiting and getting the thing, and to learn to enjoy it.
-To try and re-examine why I need forward momentum all the time, and how I can enjoy just being.
.-= Holly´s last post … Real Mavericks Brand Their Cattle 2- How to break down customer loyalty =-.
Hi guys!
This is only my second or third time doing this, so crossing my fingers I get it right.
What I want: Unblocking
I’ve been stuck the last week creatively and writing-wise and other ways, and it’s icky, and I am starting to be past it but could use some more getting-through and/or past-it.
Ways this could happen:
Meditation!
Daydreaming time.
Cutting myself some slack.
My commitments:
To make time for spaciness and not stress out about things I should be getting done instead of spacing out/meditating/daydreaming. To be gentle with myself.
Good luck to everyone else – I hope y’all have a fabulous week. 🙂
.-= Michelle´s last post … How to Reboot Your Day =-.
what I want:
for my brain to stop feeling mental.
ways this could work:
um, I could be normal.
my commitment:
to do the things I need to do for work and home life even though my brain is feeling mental. to keep forging down the path I think will make things better because the hermit life of writing seems better than the non-hermit life of seeing clients but it needs to pay the bills first. to consider calling the therapist for a tune-up.
what I want:
to be a published, well respected, paid author.
ways this could work:
My book proposal could be accepted.
my commitment:
to keep working on my proposal and writing everyday.
what I want:
more clients for that program.
ways this could work:
I get the right thing on my site to capture people’s info, I put the facebook ads back up, people go to my site and give me their info and hire me soon. I get the word out locally and it spreads like wild fire. I become the go-to person for that service.
my commitment:
to keep plugging away to get the word out, and do a really good job for the people who hire me.
Hi everyone!
A quick update: I got both VPAs from last week. I now have a name for sweet new thing, and hope to launch mid October… so much to be done! And I decided to stay with current agents. I think I know what the communication problem was. Will need to watch that I don’t slip into bad habits.
So this week:
#1: I need design nailed down for sweet new website, and I need to get subscription list sorted into writers/readers, and then get proper people moved.
How this might happen: I’m pretty sure I know who I’m working with… I would like this to be easy, and graceful, and exciting. I’m open to any permutations.
My commitment: I will send an email survey to my current list, and read up on stuff, and meditate so I don’t burn out.
#2: SHED. I need to let go of stuff, both physical and metaphorical. ANd I need to do it now.
How this might work: I have no idea. Am paring through a lot of stuff, but so far have been having trouble deciding what to keep, etc.
My commitment: I will LOOK at stuff, at the very least. And be gentle with it.
Thanks, guys!
.-= Cathy´s last post … What’s Your GMC =-.
Thing 1: I’m getting ready to leave Xela in a week for seven weeks of travel before finding a place to settle in Costa Rica for six weeks or so. That’s a lot of travel for me. I’d like it to keep a comfortable pace and remember that I can’t see/do everything in that time frame. Also, not getting overwhelmed with working while on the road.
Ways this could happen:
When I look at what is available in the upcoming country, I can make a double list. The first list could have two things I really want to do, and a second list of things I’d like, but am willing to bypass.
I could develop a daily ritual including systems so that I keep a sense of stability on the road.
My commitments:
To let the trip develop at its own pace.
To pay attention to what works and what doesn’t, making small changes so that my daily rituals develop organically.
Update on last week: Thing 1 this week is really the first step for last week’s VPA, it may end up being broken down into smaller VPAs too, we’ll see.
Thing 2:
Before I left, I had a consignment shop come and get all my stuff to sell. I haven’t heard from them in a couple of months and they didn’t respond to my last email. There are logical (although annoying) possible reasons for this. I want to hear from them and know where they are in the process. I want to get paid for what has been sold.
Ways this could happen:
I don’t know.
They could respond to my attempts at contact.
I could find and use that tapping conversation prep thing Havi wrote about previously, the one where she was having trouble getting a check from a yoga studio.
I can trust that what I need will show up when I need it.
My commitments:
To email them again (probably twice), they aren’t the most techie people on the planet.
To recharge the minutes on my Guatemalan cell and call them.
To have my dad call them, they have a piece of his too.
.-= Kathryn´s last post … Becoming Unforgettable =-.
YAY VPA!! VPA! VPA! VPA!
Behold the power of the VPA….
Uppy-dates: I’ve been in a rut with the biz and I figured out why. I also got inspired (by someone else’s VPA!) to think about it in a different way. I’m moving into a different head space with my biz. I’m also feeling motivated again. HUGE relief. Lesson learned: respect the dammit list.
My ask this week is for gentleness around a situation at Day Job. I know what I want out of the situation but I’m afraid its going to hurt the other people involved.
Ways this could happen:
I could just talk to them and not back down when there are hurt feelings. They could just magically just give me what I want without a discussion. I could change my mind and want what they are offering.
My commitment:
To do shiva nata on the issue and watch for moments of bing. To offer the gentleness I’m looking for. To find safe ways to release the angry bits. To keep working to make friends with the monster that gets between me and other people. To find what he wants. To remember I can only control my reaction to situations. Other people’s emotions/reactions are not under my control.
Things are definitely moving. There are so many mixed emotions around the transition. (Yay for the salon last week!)
Hugs to everyone. Best wishes for VPA’s this week!
The Ask #1
I would like my very own Private Projectizing Rally, please. Refrigerators are welcome, of course, so long as they bring caffiene and snacks. But here’s the thing:
I have three… no, four… potential projects bouncing around my head and off of one another. I would like them to stop bouncing, and start projectizing a bit more seriously.
How this could work?
— I could devote a chunk of each day next week to one single project.
— I could write a post about the possibilities, and ask for input. Or ask Twitter.
— I could do a this, or this? 2×2 battle in my head. About most potential profit. About simplest. About most fun. About best market.
— I reduce some of them to single blog posts for now, and let them simmer a bit.
— Something other process I’m open too but haven’t thought of yet.
My commitment:
To spend at least an hour today or tomorrow with the projects, talking to them. Picturing them. Mapping them.
So dearest potential projects?
Do speak up and let yourself be heard.
And seen.
And rallied!
Ask #2:
To not be sick.
The Spouse-Type-Cranky-Pants? Yeah. He’s got a cold today. It promises to be nasty and he says it’s going around work. And I’m sneezing. I’d very much like to not be sick. Thank you!
How this could work?
I can practice the things that help me not be sick.
Lotsa liquids. The right foods. Take AirBorne(I know. But it makes me feel better. Really.) Push myself just enough to trigger immune system, not enough to wear me out.
Avoid dusty stuff and allergy triggers.
My committment
I will accept however I feel, and respond to it as comfortably as possible.
Thank you as always for this space, Havi. I’m so surprised at how comfortable I am with it, even though it’s so very public.
.-= Tori Deaux´s last post … Play- Damn You! It’s Serious Business =-.
I have VPAed on this before but seem to need another go.
I am asking to find my space for living for the next months in S. I have just moved out of a place I was only in for 3 days and I am back with my parents-in-law which is not a long-term solution. I am also asking to be gentle with myself about the fact that I am pretty picky about the space I live in and to accept the fact that this last place had an energy that unsettled me – something that I can’t tell most people who think I was stupid to move out again.
I want to find a place by the 15th October at the latest. I would like it to be in S-West or centre, ideally no more than 20 minutes walk from the theatre. I want it to be quiet and to have all of the qualities that I need for my wellbeing. Ideally I don’t want to share but if it is shared then I want to with a woman who is also working, who has a similar rhythm to her day and who likes to keep the place clean. And I want it to be furnished,to have a proper kitchen, a washing machine and an internet connection.
How this can work: I can spread the word even more, I can put an ad on the notice board in the theatre. I can come across an ad. Someone I have told already can come up with something.
My committment:
Reminding myself that patience has always worked; I have always eventually found a place that I “clicked with”. And even though my home is in another city I have the right to have another place that feels like home and not just like a roof over my head.
To maybe pay a bit more rent than I was prepared to initially because I know how important it is for me to have a place I like to return to after work.
@ Deanna: “To offer the gentleness I’m looking for.”
That’s beautifully articulated. I’m borrowing it for my own VPAs.
Thing 1: fear and bitterness holding pen.
Some mega-weeds wreaking havoc in my mental garden. I know I need to deal with them beyond tugging at a vine here or cussing out a thorn there, but not this week and especially not around innocent bystanders.
So I want a patch of mental real estate where I can safely park whatever sprouts up / trips me / gets lobbed over the fence / tangles with my hoe as I deal with everyday things. It won’t be forever; my schedule will become far less packed in a week or so, and it’s generally smart to get enough sleep before bringing in the cheap vodka and matches for the bonfire.
How this can work / my commitment:
* I can do my best to remember the space does exist
* I can keep a path clear to it (by, say, rereading this VPA)
* the gentleness thing
* even fear-flowers can be pretty, from the right angle. Consider how they’ll look in photos/poems if I just leave them alone.
* consider a change jar for every time I refrain from inflicting the weeds on others or kvetching about them. Reward self with contents at end of week.(Doesn’t have to be monetary. Could be a guilt-free hour at the piano or some other something-that-has-nothing-to-do-with-my-must-dos.)
Thing 2: this would be a good week for my art mojo to come home for a visit.
How this can work / my commitment:
* clear off easel
* rough drafts of the two biggest IOUs by the end of the week
Last week’s VPA: actually doing pretty well — a few coughs now and then, but to my surprise, my myriad malades have kept their distance in spite of stress triggers. So, that’s thing 3: staying healthy some more.
Best wishes to all.
.-= Mechaieh´s last post … running it never runs from us away =-.
Good luck with your VPAs, everyone!
Update: Well, the smoothness I asked for last week didn’t come to pass as I’d hoped. Bits of smooth here and there but also crankiness and unexpected chainsaws. Need to rethink that ask.
This week, some focus and follow-through would be good. The past couple days, I keep starting things and then discovering they are much more complex than anticipated. I will get back to those things, but when I have more time to learn/refine the skills I need to attend to them.
How: find a few things I can knock off the massive mental to-do list with relative ease. Build some momentum.
Commitment: To keep after it even though I haven’t felt like it. Also to have compassion for myself when I’m distracted. Perhaps break up work sessions with lots of mini breaks if needed.
.-= claire´s last post … Sketchbook- page 48 =-.
VPAs, iguanas, and ketchup!
Thing #1 — still working on those iguanas from last week. I did get some of them put to bed this week. But there is a great big pile of them, and my energy levels aren’t great right now.
What I would like: Hmmm…let’s see…what would make this easier? Caffeinated fairy dust? Yes, please!
A play date with Metaphor Mouse to think about ways to make it all seem less drudgey drudge.
More energy!
How this could work: Put a Metaphor Mouse play date in my calendar for tomorrow’s Sanity Break.
Make a list of easy things I can do to improve my energy level and act on it. It’s amazing how quickly I forget about the things that make me feel better. Come to think of it, I should put them on a Rememberals List in my Book of Me. And ask LOML (love of my life) to remind me too.
Make a list of less easy things I can do to improve my energy level and think about how to make them more doable.
My committment:
Playdate!
Start pages for lists in Book of Me. Spend time with them.
Iguana Roll Call — at least say hello to each iguana every day.
Idea: Start a Ketchup List for mosquito tasks and experiment with ways to deal with them — maybe either the last hour of each workday or an afternoon a week or something?
Have a sparkly week everyone!
.-= pink´s last post … Seeking the Wolf =-.
dude, i think i jinxed myself by not having a vpa last week. lesson learned: ask for more restful sleep and kindness to self even if you think you don’t need to.
thing 1: not to lose my marbles during hormonal rollercoaster.
ways this could happen:
yoga
restful sleeps
healthy foods
deep breathing
my commitment:
remember that self-care does help tame the grouch.
turn off electronic goodies 1 hour before bed.
if i want quiet time, take some.
.-= Tami´s last post … Banned Books Week =-.
Very Personal Ad #5
Update on last week!:
Thing 1 was more direction. And I got it, in the form of PT that made my injury worse. It was easy to decide whether or not I wanted to A) continue writing, but be in so much pain I can’t hold a cup or pet my cats, or hold hands with my male person; or, B) surrender it and move, regain my day-to-day, and take my creativity out another way. I’ll miss my stories. But drawing isn’t locked off. Or crafts. Or a hundred other things. I’ll adapt.
Thing 2 was light, to discover that “place just for me”. And it made me remember that as a kid, I was always very creative, not necessarily with just one thing. And that made me remember a study that said famous, successful violinists had nothing to do with who did better at the beginning or middle, but rather, who practiced for more than 10,000 hours. My creativity is uniquely mine. Everything else is just skill. I can learn.
So, I didn’t get a precise location, but a floodlight works just as well. ^^
Thing 3 was cooperation with my systems. It turns out, I was simply asking them to do a task and take a load they could not. When we understood that, it was easier to let it go.
So, this week!
Thing 1: Healing
What I would like: To heal from the damage PT and mfy final attempt caused me. I’d like to get back to the point of playing Nintendo without whimpering.
Ways this could happen: I could be gentle and stay off them.
Limit chatting.
Do therapy that works.
My commitment: To do those things.
To not despair when it doesn’t cure tomorrow. It will take time.
Thing 2: Courage
What I would like: To forge into new ground with a smile on my face and my head held high.
Ways this could happen: To remember that I won’t be perfect ever.
To give myself permission to learn.
To give myself permission to just have fun and not think about where the money will come from.
To congratulate myself for all of my accomplishments, no matter how small.
My commitment: To actually do those things.
To take care of myself excellently.
VPA Sunday! Yay.
I feel like I want to do updates, but I don’t remember what I posted. Bah. Things that have been moving right along: I got some unexpected clarity. I am hanging onto hope. I did not burn any bread on my most recent bake day. The weekend away was lovely.
Thing 1: I have a little house. For an assortment of reasons, I need to hand it off. It will be ensmallening to biggify. It does not feel biggifying, but it is. I know this in my gut. Only my heart is sad about it sometimes.
Ways this could work:
I could tell you: You could have a house! It is sweet, hand-built (2002), notsobig house (1080 sf) on seven acres in coastal Maine. It looks like Dr. Seuss built it. Two bedrooms, one bath, loft, bonus room, deeded water access. Wood/propane/passive solar heat. Commercial range, on-demand hot water, cedar shakes. 15×15 organic garden, 2 sheds, asparagus, raspberries, blueberries. Quiet, private road with seven neighbors. 195k firm. I hate dickering, so I won’t. DM me on Twitter FMI
My fondest dream is that it goes to someone who will lovelovelove it. I am only the second owner. I tell you, this house will love you back. And! You would be my new friend and neighbor.
I could dance on it, although I don’t know Shiva Nata. I could write about whythestuck, which is more familiar. I could start to sing again and make music. I could make more art in general, which helps with the stuck. I could for sure start dreaming into a future that doesn’t have the house, which would make it come unstuck from my dreams and set it loose to drift around in yours.
Commitments: to wait to hear from the Official People before making any more work on this project. To write. To pursue thing 2. To be willing to be surprised.
Thing 2: I need to go back to doing my Things. These are: writing for clarity, making art, building things, knitting, spinning, walking! and my aspiration: singing lessons.
Ways this could work: I could set aside time each evening and mornings starting in October. I could start taking voice lessons. I could make a space for my art.
My commitments: to at least write for myself again, three pages, longhand. I know why the stuck. I have been patient with the stuck. But it needs to begin to move. To find out about local voice instructors. To finish at least one of my knitting projects even if I have to change needles to do it.
Thing 3: I am finally over feeling shy about my website. Now I need to put the word out. Naomi says we are like Frodo and must Share Our Things. I think she’s right. So. Share the Thing means Tell People.
Ways this could work: I could hand out Even More Cards. I could get a mic so I can make a download to make me more interesting. I could start doing my newsletter as a podcast. I could Tweet more often about my website things. I could mention here that I posted today about getting help and saying yes when you mean yes. (The link is down there at the bottom of my comment. Go see!) Usually I don’t rant, but I allowed that, too, in the name of being real.
Commitment: to try and find someone selling the mic I want. To tweet my new columns as soon as I write them. To follow through on my Mastermind homework.
@Mechaieh: sounds like you might need a compost pile. I made one once for all the stuff in my brain that would only be useful once transformed. It was very helpful. Thank you for reminding me.
@Havi: thank you for making this place.
.-= Leela´s last post … saying yes =-.
Last week I asked for joy — and you know what? I got it!
This week, I don’t have a VPA — I think I’m incubating, or something. Well, all right, Much love and luck going ou to all of you for your own wishes!
Thing 1: flow.
Here’s what I want:
I’ve got two training days, a stall to tend at a fair, a novel to write, a novel to edit and I need to relearn 2 years of Uni material ready for the new term and my dissertation.
I need enough sleep, but also enough time; downtime and motivated time.. I need things to slot perfectly into place this week.
Pretty please.
Ways this could work:
*Read core text books before bed. Or on the bus to training.
*Put on my enchantress crown and -spellcraft- [write notes].
*Lots of tea.
*Some dance. Dance some shivanata while remembering the science of long-term-potentiation [which in my view, is how shivanata works]. Ahem, sorry. 😛
*Chat with housemates about psychology-related things [especially the girl doing my course with me].
My commitment.
-To dance
-To read
-To be gentle
-To.. be open? To eat heathly-ish foods to keep my energy levels up.
.-= Rose´s last post … Iguanaccountability – a metaphor for facing piles of doom =-.
We put our old fridge up on Freecycle. The person who answered turned out to be from our local food co-op, of which we’re active members. So now I can wave at our fridge whenever I’m there. Gives me the serious warmfuzzies – which isn’t quite right for a fridge, but there you go 🙂
(I’m working up to VPAing again. Call this a placeholder!)
.-= Lean Ni Chuilleanain´s last post … Orla and Arthur’s Blanket =-.
What I need, what I really need, is to start to find a way to find people who really care about me and bring them into my life. I need to start finding my right people, and start letting go of my wrong people.
How this could work:
-I could find people who resonate with me online through my blog
-I could build community with others on Twitter and blogs and emails
-I could reach out to others around me
My commitment:
-To try and respond to more people, even though I’m finding time crunches right now
-To learn to let go of people who’s words and actions and attitudes hurt me
-To look people in the eyes and smile
-To take the time to set aside time to talk or email or chat with friends who are far away
.-= Pam´s last post … One Less Item Every Day- Active Failure =-.
@Pam Best wishes on you VPA this week. I’m working on the simmer stuff.