Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
So my itty bitty personal ads made me realize that it’s time to make a regular practice of trying to feel okay asking for stuff.
Even when the asking thing feels weird and conflicted.
Ever since I posted the first one asking my perfect house to find me, which united me with Hoppy House, I have been a fan of the madness that is personal ads.
And now it’s my Sunday ritual for clarity and remembering and stuff like that. Yay, ritual!
Let us dooo eeeet.
Thing 1: Announcements! May they happen.
Here’s what I want:
There are two (possibly) three big things that need announcing this week.
They have most of the elements in place.
And now it’s about timing.
Ways this could work:
The Rally (Rally!) this week could do its magic, so that everything can roll into place. With a schnooooook sound. Like the last ball on the pool table.
I can talk to the monsters and switch up the front of the V.
And I can play with trust and trusting.
My commitment.
To be curious and inquisitive about every aspect of the process.
To ask lots and lots of questions.
To say wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
To acknowledge the hard and appreciate the good.
To dance dance dance, no matter what happens.
Thing 2: Much needed improvements at the Playground toy shop.
Here’s what I want:
Oh, so much thought has gone into this! So many hours at my beloved Playground, looking at what is and what could be.
I have pointed my wand at the walls, and I have dreamed on this. I have drawn pictures and scrawled maps and made gwishes.
At first all I knew was that the way it is needs to change. But now I know how.
For this to happen, we’ll need: money, time, resources, and strong people who can carry desks (see next ask).
Ways this could work:
I don’t know.
How do you move from the thing you see in your head into it being a reality? That was the problem I had to solve when I first envisioned the Playground itself.
And it’s the problem I am so often solving. My favorite puzzle.
How could it work?
With patience. With singing. With Dance of Shiva, of course. With bringing it to the Rally and projectizing the hell out of it.
With love.
My commitment.
To love it now and love it when we get there and love the process.
To ask smart questions.
To stop and breathe.
To connect to its essence and say thank you.
Thing 3: Movers!
Here’s what I want:
Some strong people to help move desks. Or mover recommendations.
People who will take the giant desks away.
Ways this could work:
I know of a way but I don’t like it, so I could work on finding out how to make peace with that.
Or I can ask Hope for recommendations.
My commitment.
To be receptive to being surprised.
To stay open to the idea that a perfect, simple, elegant solution could reveal itself.
To work on my stuff about moving.
To be thrilled when something works out.
Thing 4: Help Tobi help lots of people!
Here’s what I want:
Tob is the sweetest, most wonderful person. And she’s a terrific photographer.
Through the end of the month, she’s donating half the proceeds on the gorgeous prints of her work to Donna’s Good Things, which is a sweet organization doing really terrific and important things.
I would love to see this worthy project get some attention and love.
Ways this could work:
I can tell you about it.
And maybe you can pass the word.
The magic of the internet can plant some seeds, I hope.
My commitment.
To support Tobi and admire her dedication.
To remember that there are many, many ways we can bring love and support to things we care about.
To be receptive to a variety of possibilities.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
I was just rereading last week’s asks and finding so much cool stuff in there.
Still no word on kids furniture, but I did come up with an alternative way to set the Toy Shop up while we’re waiting on it.
I also haven’t found a photographer yet, but I will keep asking.
The thing with the stowawayship was easily resolved, and I was able to put out the word about Hiro’s How to Rule Your World program.
The main thing I’m noticing is that each week’s Very Personal Ads stir up themes that end up getting worked on in one form or another over the course of the week.
And I’m always surprised to discover how closely my internal destuckification work parallels elements of these asks. It’s such a useful practice, even when (or maybe especially when) I learn that I didn’t want the thing I thought I did.
Also I love the constant reminders that the symbolic element of the ask is at least as powerful and important than the literal one. Bonk! There I go tripping over things again.
But no, the title is not one of those. That was intentional.
Comment zen. Here’s what I’d love today.
- Your own personal ads, small or large. Things you’ve asked for. Or are asking for. Or would like to ask for. Or updates on last time!
Stuff I’d rather not have:
- The word “manifest”.
- To be told how I should be asking for things.
- To be judged, psychoanalyzed or given unsolicited advice.
Wishing love and good things for your Very Personal Ads! I’m so happy to have people doing this with me.
Follow
Havi,
First time reading this type of blog post from you— just love the concept, the framework, the fun way it helps you think outside the box about your needs/wants in this moment.
Will be thinking about my personal ad right now 🙂
Just wonderful.
An Update:
Last week I asked for Thursday be a relaxing weekend-like day. And then for lots of easy-talking and understanding words with my other half. Thursday turned out great. [especially since Wednesday ended with me shouting at my housemate and fall into tears in my other housemates room].
The weekend had some easy talking but also some elements of block.
But overall, things went well. Yays 🙂
This week?
The Solution-
Here’s What I Want:
I’ve been asking for insight into my choices for next year. I’ve said yes to keeping this house for another 11 months. So even if I don’t get in to the program I want, i’ll be here. Now I need back-ups if that should happen and plans if it doesn’t.
Ways this could work:
-There’s an information day about the program on Wednesday that I hope will clear things up.
-I can ask around for information about jobs and sign up to new things.
-Be open
My commitment.
To remember that there’s a reason
To trust in the thing that’s got me here so far
To breathe
To try and be open to surprises
Happy VPAing 🙂
so… updates:
-no connection but maybe a way of connecting showed up AND it helps with the movement in my project i also asked for. simple, elegant solution right there!
-the bed has been bought. should be on its way and home any minute now! computer is very needed and a way to buy it also showed up, that also solves a few other problems.
-little has been done in the “making space for the new”, but it will come, i have all the faith in that!
this week’s VPAs:
-thing #1: for my favourite bands to come to this huge festival in my city.
-ways: it just could happen, and just asking for it could make it happen. it probably is already set, but it feels great to hope
-commitment: sing all their songs very loudly up and into the sky, trust that it will be fun and great anyway, but it would be fantastic if they came. keep an eye on the webpage.
thing#2: feeling free of wanting to smoke
i need to keep working on that, but, again, i will still put it here, just in case.
hugs to all
VPA #22
Update on last week:
I asked for ease in my rituals and rest. I kinda, sort of, halfway got that. The rituals didn’t stick, but I did remind myself of the importance of them and decide that I liked them. And the rest, well, I did get that, the but at the price of not doing my sweet little thing.
So on that note, this week:
Thing 1: Rituals
What I would like: for the rituals I have in place – surrounding my physical therapy, labyrinths, and Shiva Nata – to get back on course. If possible, that I’d like them to get better, more natural.
Ways this could happen:
I could set alarms.
I could look into my resistance to them.
I could play with them: do them in a different order, at a different time, more, less.
My commitment:
To try, play, fiddle.
To not be upset when things get missed, or skipped, or changed.
Thing 2: Real rest
What I would like: to find a way to rest before I go comatose, or neurotic, or turn into a total bitch.
Ways this could happen:
I could have regular check-ins with myself.
I could make sure that the things I’m doing for rest are actually restful.
My commitment:
To do.
To be in the process as much as I’m able.
To take better care of myself in general.
Thing 3: My Sweet Little Thing
What I would like: Real, consistent progress. She’s so tiny and cute, and she really needs a little love.
Ways this could happen:
I could reread all of Havi’s stuff.
I could stop letting shoulds get in the way.
I could make it a ritual.
My commitment:
To do.
To just hang out with my sweet little thing if I can’t do anything else.
@Havi, I just thought of a possible photographer person for you. Her name is Robin and she lives in West Linn. I always enjoy her interior shots – somehow she does capture the magic. And I think she’d love the Playground.
http://robinbird.typepad.com/bird_tweets/
(fyi: She has a video with music on her latest blog post so you might want to put sound on mute if you care. 🙂
Howdy gang-
Happy VPA day!
The time has finally come to let my beloved condo go. I’ve been thinking about it for close to a year. What I’d really like is to box it up and take it with me, but that violates the laws of physics. I’m pretty sure I can’t VPA that away.
So here’s my ask:
I want calm and smoothness in the process of selling/exchanging/giving up my condo. Theres a lot of scary legal/financial issues with it.
ways this could work:
I could easily find a buyer and my realtor could agree to take less commission. One of the scary options could become less scary. I could stumble on something I haven’t thought of while playing with the internet.
my commitment
To stay open to ideas and thinking out side the box. to take it one step at a time. to take care of myself to prevent overwhelm. to take scary step 1 and email my realtor.
To listen to my intuition about where to go. Maine is calling but so is Charleston. To dance Shiva when I need answers and accept that not every question has to be answered. to TRUST the process.
ASK # 2 is to make peace with the difference between what is and what i want.
Ways this could work:
It just could. I could sort it out in my sleep and wake up tomorrow at peace. I could have a buttery epiphany. What I want could just happen and make this a moot point. some outstanding issues could resolve themselves.
My commitment:
To care for myself in ways that will help not going crazy while waiting. to ask for what i need. to trust that I am where I need to be. To limit the tantrum-y stress reactions to specific times.
good luck to everyone on your VPA’s
Haven’t done one of these for ages but I felt inspired.
VPA 1:
To stop procrastinating on some important things
I need to file my taxes this week, plus I’m behind on some paid work. I need to get off my butt & do this. Needless to say, my monsters have been giving me merry hell about not having done it already.
Ways this could work:
I could email the people I owe work to and explain ‘oh dear, tax return time, panic, headless chicken, exploding from stress’
I could make a list of exactly what needs to be done
I could break the tasks down and reward myself for every part done
I could remind myself that although taxes make me cry, it’s never as bad as I think it is and I have notes from previous years
The monsters and I could have a chat about how tripping me up is very not helpful right now
My commitment:
I’m going to start with emailing people & then tomorrow I will organise my receipts because those are the first two steps. And the monsters will quieten down once I’ve got started.
Update from last week: epic “blah”. I asked to find two tools – I kinda sorta maybe found both. The first is not ideal but I will revisit the concept in a few months/every few months looking for a new one. The second tool might work if I work actually use it (which is the very nature of tools. They only help you do the work, not do the work for you.)
This week is over-busy; I ask for flow and smoothness and calm and ease.
Ways this could work: Magic, Follow the Rules of Me (rest, eat, play, dance, write …)
My commitment: pray and float, hold on if it gets rough
Ask 1a: Also, if the resident feline would quit escaping, it would help. Ways this could work: telepathy, squirt bottles, magic barriers. My commitment: diligence and calm and play with him, lots.
I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed.
So, I’m asking for spaciousness.
And committing to being open to it’s arrival.
That is all.
Thing 1: I want to destuckify my “get the word out” plan for my IRL business. I have a clear set of tasks and have really, really been stuck. I need a very simple way of making this work and not feel icky.
Ways this could work
I could focus on the prep pieces rather than the talking to people and convincing pieces.
I could make this project the activity of my Secret PlayDate this week and see what inspiration or momentum that gives me.
I could keep chickening it.
I could figure out the why of the project rather than the how – use the wishkit model to get clear on the why. Oh yes.
My commitment:
To keep checking in on this project to see what it needs.
To recognize that until my cooking guide is completed, I may not be able to really focus on this project. And be ok with that.
To keep my journal handy for those flashes of inspiration.
Thing 2: Clarity on the part-time job offer
Ways this could work:
They could accept my offer as it is.
They could offer me something comparable.
I could discover this week that I don’t need this part-time job and not worry about it.
My commitment:
To keep my Dammit list nearby during the negotiations
To trust that this isn’t the only solution and that, if it doesn’t work out in the best way possible, it wasn’t the right one anyway
To take what I’ve learned (so far) about my need for trust in my commitments and check in with myself before committing to the work. And to trust that the decision I make for myself is right.
Thing 3: I want ease and fun as I finish my cooking guide.
I thought I wanted my third thing to be something physical. Like last week’s ask for a place to store my papers (still not resolved but one solution has presented itself and needs testing). However, it turns out all of my wants are in my head – maybe that’s a good sign.
Ways this could work:
I could Playdate every day and see what kind of momentum it brings me
I could cartoony chefs that make me laugh.
I could look for the essence of the things I want to convey and focus on delivering that, rather than worrying about little problems.
I could remind myself, often, that this is what I love. Because I do.
“To love it now and love it when we get there and love the process.”
This is so very nice, Havi.
Note to self: Apply liberally under all circumstances.
And now for my VPA:
I need to produce a lesson plan for a course I hope to be teaching high schoolers soon. Also needed: a grading system that makes sense to everyone while also respecting the subject’s subjective bits.
How this might work:
Shivanata + brain dumping.
Make a silly-bus. Break that down into fun-sized pieces.
Call teacher pal at the college and take her up on her offer to help me.
My committment:
To remember that I know my stuff, despite my unfamiliarity with some of the form. To breathe; to take one step at a time; to give thanks.
Best wishes to all for a lovely week.
I am asking to find a way to deal both physically and mentally with all the workload that is on my plate for the next 5 weeks. I want this to happen in a way that is playful and allows me space. I want to transform all the constant “OMG, it will be soooo much stress and we will all camp in the office and we will be crawling on all fours by the end of February” around me into something that does not stress me.
I am also asking for uninterupted sleep / not waking up at 5am.
How this can happen:
I can play around with why the thought of certain things stresses me and can aks metaphor mouse for help with turning things lighter and more playful.
I can invent some anti-adhesive mechanism for comments such as the above.
Good sleep could just happen.
My committment:
Do the above and meditation in the evening on a regular basis.
Update on previous VPA: I wanted perfect clients. Perfect clients are arriving. Just about the right amount of them that can be handled by me, my team and not requiring me to go into my office on Fridays. I will leave this ad posted since a steady flow of perfect clients is still desired. And I’ll keep the stream clear of sticks and leaves that clog up the process and make for flooding or no flow.
I also wanted love and a man friend. There is some movement in this direction but I wanted to clarify a little. What I want: a lovely, gentleman-like at first, personal space respecting, non-corduroy touching, man. Also, someone who is not a resident of Sadmansville. Unless he’s that one guy who turns out to be perfect for me.
This week’s VPA:
More wonderful perfect clients with the perfect kind of work.
Resolution to that one thing. Or at least steady progress and good news.
Everything else I have and am grateful.
Hello all, glad to be here.
In honor of my move to London going well, I am asking for the next part of my journey to having a place and a job to go well.
1)what I want: I would like a majestic, magnificent, lovely little place to be my Chucky-Den. It is a big ask but the universe is a big place so I am sure that we can figure our way to finding it.
How this could happen: I can ask people I know that live here, I can ask friends who lived here before how they found places, I can be amazed by unexpected kindness, something I can never plan for could fall in my lap, I can keep on going with my groove which is deep and deceptively slow and calm, I can keep on looking, asking and keeping an open mind.
My commitment: I will keep an open mind as to what shape my lovely Chucky-Den could take as it might not be the shape I think it could be. I will plan to have things that work with the context of having a Chucky-Den so that when it appears I can move and to write it love letters, shimmy and dance for it to let it know that I am a groovy guy and finally to keep playing.
2)My plethora of jobs idea: I want to hold several jobs on this trip to keep my attention on life and living. Also to keep my meeting lovely people going like to deep mountain stream that is my groove.
How this could happen: Magic, the ways I know how to get jobs will work, the ways I have not yet discovered will open up to me, people could offer me stuff because of my being me, unexpected new choices that lead in ways that I am unaccustomed to could present them selves.
My commitment: To be me, to get my self out there and ask questions, offer my services, remember my groove to help propel me when it seems like I am floundering, remember all the lessions from Canada, have fun and keep my context and Dance the dance.
Many hugs and rums for you all.
Eeeeek! My very first VPA! And it’s in public! And I’m in a pickle! Ouch!
Here’s what I want:
To sell 4 Paint Color Cheat Sheets ASAP so that I will have enough money to make the final payment for the Kitchen Table.
Ahh, there, I said it, for the whole world to see (and possibly judge me and jump to conclusions, ugh).
*Quick body check in: Whew, I’m still alive… but shivering heavily.
Here’s how this could work:
– Somebody who needs help finding the right paint color for their home might see my VPA here and decide to buy my collection of proven, tried and tested paint colors that always work. And then both of us will be so happy for having found each other at just the perfect time.
– Somebody who sees my VPA here might want to become my affiliate and make 50% on each and every sale they refer.
My commitment:
– To act like a responsible grown up and email Havi and her First Mate about this;
– To make a desperate cry out on Twitter and Facebook and hope it will be perfect timing;
– To ask my fellow Kitcheners to please help spread the word;
– To tweak the product page so that it does its job better;
– To continue growing my traffic by adding 10 tutorials to my site this week;
– To participate and answer questions in the forums;
– To generate more/better ideas with the help of Shiva Nata;
– To expect a miracle.
Ok, taking a breath now and “submitting”… to the Fluent Self gods who make things come true…
Fabulously the first thing I was going to put down as a VPA has already got done. Yay!
VPA 1: To get my industry analysis done.
How this could happen:
– I could email that other person
– I could talk to the resistence of doom
– Have fun on Wednesday
– Dance of shiva!
– Break it down
My commitment:
– Take breaks
– Allow myself to be less that enthusiastic
– Dance!
– Experiment with ways that this could be enjoyable
VPA 2: Sort out skin camouflage stuff
How this could happen:
– go to drs
– email person I’ve found who does private consults
– deal with the monsters that are leading to me not doing this, even though I really want to
My commitment:
– respect the fear/trauma that breaks out when this comes up
– be gentle with myself
– give myself a permission slip for hope
VPA 3: I still want to get my external hard drive set up, which didn’t happen before as I was too ill
How this could happen:
– read the instructions
– set aside limited time frame to work on it
My commitment:
– Allow myself to be a bit argh!
And typing that already made me feel better about it!
Havi, on the moving front: If you’re keeping the desks and just need them moved from one location to another, have you tried Rose City Movers? We used them once (moving from a rental house into our house) and were pleased.
If you’re looking for them to go away forever, does Goodwill still do furniture pickups? If not, the I-got-Junk guys are the way to go. (And they may recycle; not sure. I used them at one point & also was pleased with them.)
Good luck!
***
VPA !
– lots of time to hibernate (just read your future post of next week 😉
– slow slow progress on my projects
– giving myself so much space to enjoy the process rather than rush it
– give myself credit for what I have done already.
What I want: To give myself permission to take a week off from VPA-ing. To let things incubate a bit.
How this can happen: I can write a VPA in which I give myself permission to not write one.
My commitment: To cherish my sense of humor, and to invite you all to laugh lovingly with me at life’s little paradoxes.
🙂
Updates: I got Joy and bliss and aliveness for my time in Tucson. Rest and good insights. More space internally and energy. There was more easy rhythm and order in our life at home, at least there was before I left and it sounds like it continued while I was gone. I did feel ok asking more beloved colleagues to help with my launch. I have some judgment that it wasn’t enough. But I am not sure worrying about it is a good use of my energy.
#1: Creative flow for the Big Project
What I want: To feel a sense of joy and productivity as I plan and shoot my videos for my upcoming free video series. To be open and alive and expansive about the concepts and ideas and information I am sharing.
Ways this could work: I could work really hard. I could spend hours on this. I could consider the possibility that it could be easy. I could spend time with it and see what emerges. I could be fluid about how the process unfolds without waiting for the lightning of inspiration to strike. I could read poetry and listen to David Whyte CDs. I could resist the temptation to work on other, less important, projects. I could hold my pictures of past successes near me and file the less successful experiences way in the back. I could remember that making videos is not only my job, it’s what I said I wanted more time for.
My commitment: To show up for this in some way every day this week. To play with pen and paper and post-its. To get in front of the camera.
#2: Time with my body
What I want: To feel strong and alive and energized.
Ways this could work: I could order that new DVD set I saw on the infomercial. I could make a chart and mark out all the ways I move this week. I could have a conversation with my body about how she would like to move this week. I could walk the doggie every day since it’s not too cold and it’s sunny, for now.
My commitment: Make some choices about when I am going to move each day. Experiment with what I do.
hi Havi,
My friend wrote this beautiful VPA… thought you might know someone who totally wants to give away a couch. for cake.
http://portland.craigslist.org/mlt/fuo/2175719140.html