Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
Each week I write these VPAs to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.
I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!
Thing 1: recovery time!
Here’s what I want:
Feeling a bit worn out and in need of some off time.
Ways this could work:
I have no idea.
Looking at my calendar is depressing the hell out of me, so something is just going to have to open up.
My commitment.
To remember what happens when I am rested. To keep talking to Slightly Future Me and find out how she would solve this.
And to keep being receptive to those perfect simple solutions.
Thing 2: consolidate new Rally systems
Here’s what I want:
At this past Rally (Rally!), I made a ton of systems changes.
Some were fabulous. Some were less successful.
But it’s time to do a spangly Revue and take notes about what worked and what didn’t. And then set things up for next time.
Ways this could work:
Maybe I’ll head over to the Playground and make a day of it.
Maybe I’ll get some more help from Cairene, who is brilliant with systems and was also in attendance at the last Rally, so she’ll be full of great ideas.
My commitment.
To cheer enthusiastically for the parts that worked and be inquisitive about everything that needs to change. To find the good.
Also! Speaking of a) Rally and b) how marvelous it is and c) systems!
There is still one Stowawayship scholarship to the June Rally if you want to try and apply for it.
Thing 3: support with risk-taking
Here’s what I want:
I’m normally quite good at taking risks. It’s kind of part of the whole weird business savant thing.
But right now I’m in the middle of a biggification growth period, and I know what’s involved with this particular risk. Yes, I’m taking it anyway but it’s also kind of terrifying.
So I’m asking for ease, support, comfort, faith and whatever else is needed to help me feel ready to do this.
Ways this could work:
Using Shiva Nata for the hot buttered insights needed to get me where I’m going.
Rituals and reminders, like Hello Day and my morning bath and whatever else might help.
Posting to the Deguiltified Chicken board at my Kitchen Table program to get lots of help and encouragement.
Hiding in the blanket fort.
My commitment.
To ask curious, loving questions. To not push. To meet the pain with love, if I can.
And if I can’t be patient with the hard and the stuck, may I remember that this is also normal, legitimate and understandable.
To process the process for as long as it takes.
Thing 4: two large bulletin boards
Here’s what I want:
The Playground needs two large bulletin boards!
Ways this could work:
I think the first one we found on Craigslist. Worth a try.
Could be that one of my PDX people has one or knows where to find one.
Magic!
Thing 5: a really big wish!
Here’s what I want:
This is such a giant gwish that I’m scared to write it. Gwish-whispering!
In fact, this giant gwish is actually more of a full-body hum, and it goes like this:
When are the Timbers going to call me about leading them through pre-match agility, adaptability and extreme-coordination warm-ups?
Ways this could work:
Aside from wishing?
I’m just going to keep whispering this one for a while. And try to figure out what the essence of the wanting is.
I also want to remember that what I’m asking for is not the thing itself but for me to feel okay about wanting it, because that is always the first step.
My commitment.
To keep singing in the shower and to practice wanting what I want.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
I asked for excitement for the newly renovated Toy Shop and got it! There was much excited squealing from people who had been to the Playground before over how beautifully and dramatically things had been transformed.
Yay! Thank you. Hugely appreciated.
Then I wanted insights about epiphany-tracking, and I think I’m on a pretty good track with that. Still much testing to be done, but feeling better about this.
Still wanting a new tech pirate. No movement on that front. Except! I had a mini-epiphany about that, thanks to Shiva Nata.
It’s not a tech pirate that we want. It’s a handyman. Or woman. But the point is that the metaphor has been all wrong. So I’m going to consult Metaphor Mouse and get some more information on that.
And I wanted to announce the Stowawayship scholarship and did not do that. In fact, completely forgot. What’s that about? I’m going to find out. 🙂
Comment zen. Here’s what I’d love today.
Your own personal ads, small or large. Things you’ve asked for. Or are asking for. Or would like to ask for. Or updates on last time!
Stuff I’d rather not have:
The word “manifest”. To be told how I should be asking for things. To be judged, psychoanalyzed or given unsolicited advice.
Much love for your gwishes! So happy to have you doing this with me.
Follow
I want…
…to write something. Anything. I’m just want to feel like I’m accomplishing something again. I would prefer brilliance, but you know.
…to find a few roommates for this convention next month, in order to lessen my concern over money.
…more money.
…to begin feeling comfortable with the idea of being a non-smoker. I can barely type the word, since it makes monsters that I didn’t even know about, come out and tell me, “No you can’t! You can’t quit! You need it too much.” I’m also scared of backsliding and being thought of as pathetic or a liar.
Thanks for creating a safe place, Havi. It helps.
Here’s what I want:
#1—for the Unifying Idea to make itself known, fairly pronto.
#2—for this week’s writing project to stop scaring me and start writing itself.
Ways this might work:
#1—It happens in my sleep, and I remember! It’s there already, and I…remember! Or…?
#2—no idea. I’m thinking index cards may play a role.
My commitment:
#1—to do my Nei Kung, say “hi” to worry instead of pushing it away, and noodle for 10 minutes each day. Possibly during Morning Pages.
#2—to stop myself when I’m worrying, say “hi” to the worry, and not let it live here.
#1 & 2—WALKS. Plenty. In moist and verdant Portland! Sleep in my wonderful secret hideaway. Dog hugs. Plenty!
Goodness gracious. I’ve pushed myself so far and furiously, I didn’t even say “hi!” and “thanks!” and “sending good juju to Havi & Co.”
So, all of that, too! And sorry!
Oh the gwishing, and that hard that seems to inevitably come with it! I am full of gwishes… so full sometimes, I could just about esplode from the internal pressure /sigh
My VPA’s…
Thing 1 – Transition & integration
It would be nice if I could transition easily back to the being on land. I’m not sure I have my land legs back yet (and I’m not very much not sure I want them back!). I’m looking for ways to integrate Rally-me into Daily-me, with ease and grace.
How this could work:
Naps! Oh yes, the napping is a must
Journaling, and Shiva Nata.
Love notes to my self. Love notes to my self, explaining how he could help me with the transition and integration.
Re-reading of the notes I took at Rally – frequent re-reading!
Did I mention naps?
My commitment:
To journal. To carry my journal with me everywhere, so that I can refer back to my notes in times of stress. To make as much space as I can for the things I need (naps!). To nap as often as I possibly can. To remember that I can say “no” when someone asks me to do something that would curtail my ability to nap!
Thing 2 – Ebook!
I have an ebook-in-the-making, which was mostly finished at Rally. Except that now I’m at the part that is apparently the scariest for me (the putting all the pieces together and calling it an actual thing, instead of just an idea of a thing). I would like to take it from mostly finished to completely finished.
How this could happen:
It just could. I could take my next few days off and play with it. I could work on it in tiny bits and pieces, until it’s done. I could buy a wig, and let the magic of the wig take over. I could nap, and wake up, and it could be done. I could Shiva Nata the completed ebook!
My commitment:
To invoke the spirit of Rally. To take naps when I’m feeling stuck. To ask my ebook what it needs from me. To ask myself what I need from my ebook. To do Shiva Nata, or at least think about Shiva Nata, and see what comes to me. To blow bubbles and skip stones (and nap!)
Hmm… noticing that napping seems to be the focus of pretty much everything right now. It may be time for bed…
I’ve been writing some VPAs for myself but I want to put these out here in hopes that doing so will help me figure out what I need to do.
Thing 1: Safety for someone else and (therefore) peace of mind for me.
What I want:
Not to go into unnecessary detail, I need to know that my husband will be okay while I go to Rally (in less than three weeks! Yay!) so I won’t worry about him. He was in the ER twice on Saturday.
Ways this could work:
If he’s in a nursing home or still in the hospital — I want someone, preferably more than one, to visit him frequently.
If he’s home, I want someone to stay with him. He wouldn’t need a caregiver or a “sitter” but someone to be around in case there’s a problem. He can’t go to someone else’s house while I’m gone because we have made a lot of accommodations that keep him mobile and independent. So someone would have to come here.
Some other not yet apparent answer.
My commitment:
To stay open to possibility.
To trust.
Thing 2: To keep calm and carry on.
What I want: To *not* be discombobulated by this situation or other aspects of My Situation.
Ways this could work:
Preventive worrying (which is what I call it when I face something and think about how to address potential problems).
Lots of journaling, list-making, and other things that help me keep calm.
My commitment:
To use what I know.
To remember to breathe.
To remember to pause.
Thing 3: To be protected from ???? To feel safe.
What I want: I said something today that felt like a challenge to the universe to send bad stuff my way (as if My Situation weren’t difficult enough). I want to feel safe and protected.
Ways this could work:
Prayer and meditation
Blanket forts.
Extra care and attention to my activities.
Extra self care.
I would like to ask for….inspired movement. Movement away from a mindset of scarcity to one of abundance. Movement into alignment with the values that I *know I already have, d’oh.* Movement into more patience, even while sparking things and dancing around. Love that every time I visit this site, I feel immense permission to do all of the above. Thanks Havi!
Last Time:
(In looking at the last weeks VPA; I remembered to put my lip goo on! This is my standard reminder to do so next Sunday.)
So.. I asked for..
Thing 1: Flow on Wednesday – got this in SPADES. Oh it went so well, I felt nearly confident, loads of people (like 10% of the crowd) came up to say how good it was to hear a young persons view/well done etc. <3
(and I actually spent most of the travel time talking to Future Me and finding Seven Clews so many thanks to Havi for the tools)
Thing 2: Flow for Travel – went fine. missed one connection and I panicked a LOT but it worked out. And as it turns out, I even did.. brighton-southamton-aldershot-woking-aldershot-southamton-london-southampton-brighton in 4 days. So glad to not have to travel anywhere now -sigh-
So.. this week!
Thing 1: Revision!
Here’s what I want:
I’ve got 8 days to revise for two exams. Oh dear. Done half the syllabus of one exam so far.. baaad sign. SO i need to really get on it and be uber proactive.
PLEASE HELP ME FIND MY NOTES FOR THE SECOND EXAM!!!! because I can’t find them and that scares me.
Ways this could work:
Finding my notes..
Having revision sessions with friends [and making it fun like last night – had friend round for dinner and revision and put on Phil Collins loudly]
Not havign to go to that meeting this afternoon – be cancelled?
My commitment.
To make a retreat.
To focus on my future – to see my dreams accomplished and know that it’s partly through all the work i put into these exams..
To drink tea and eat chocolate.
And to eat loads of fruit and veg to compensate 😛
So.. this week!
Thing 2: Shivanata Session!
Here’s what I want:
I’m teaching another session – this time to two people, so i’m going to try my “mirror each other” exercises.. yet ones never heard of it and ones at level 1 – getting worried about how it’ll flow with the different levels.
Please be flow and nice and ease and yay?
Ways this could work:
I can remember that all other shivanata teachers manage to work it out.
I can remember that even someone who has the DVD almost starts from scratch doing it with another person.
I can take future me into the room to remind me of what she said/did/ how it went.
My commitment.
To just let the dance teach.
To have faith.
To be open to novel and simple solutions.
Heh. By amusing coincidence, my working title for the small-time tech-smartness-for-hire I do is Mizfixit. (No I’m not applying for the job – I’m an artist, dammit! Less tech, more art! – just sharing the amusement. And looking forward to seeing what Metaphor Mouse does with this.)
And some VPAs:
1. I want June Rally preparations! Not, like, transportation and lodging, because those are squared away. What I want is internal preparation. A clearing of mental space for this, a review of my systems and practices.
Ways this could work: Writing about it. Rereading NVC. Rereading the archives here. Sitting and having fun imagining the way I want this trip to go.
My commitment: to try any of those that appeal to me, in a fun & unhurried way.
2. To go to bed! Seriously it is 3am and I have many tabs open besides this one. And while I thoroughly enjoyed staying up past dawn last night watching hilarious Bollywood movies, and consequently am not so very tired right now, I do not actually want to encourage this move to the vampire time zone.
Ways this could work: I could bookmark my tabs for future reading. I could go turn on the sparkly purple lavalamp that is my nightlight. I could play some mindless video games near the bed and work my way there incrementally. I could find something sleepy & soothing to watch on Netflix all cozy in my covers.
My commitment: to post this comment now and close this tab, even though I sorta feel like saying more things.
Good night!
Updates on last week:
1. I did get everything to the Attache for the Bikini Roto.
2. For the funky car stuff to be a manageable expense. Result: totally manageable and now the car runs like a dream again.
3. For my shoulders and back to continue to open. Result: open. Also – heart open.
4. For a boy who wants to kiss me. Result: in progress.
This week:
1. More movement forward with the BK. My commitment: remain organized, calm.
2. I joined match.com. I would like for the pictures my friend takes of me today to come out flattering and like me. And I’d like the people I’m looking for to be looking for me. My commitment: to remain open, to send messages, to wear something flattering and to smile in the pictures.
3. I want rest. I want mountains and sleep and hiking. My commitment: to review the numbers and make the plans.
4. I want a good productive week at work. The profitable kind. My commitment: to plan the week. to do the work. to get the systems into place so my helper mice can help with the work.
So much resistance to VPAs.
So I want:
more playfulness, freedom and joy in asking for what I want – no matter how big or small.
It’s even hard to write that……
How this could happen:
Start small.
I want to ask Seagirl – what’s Bikini Roto?
When I was a little girl at overnight summer camp we ended each summer with Wish NIght. We wrote our wishes on paper plates, affixed lit candles to them and floated them out in the lake. A beautiful (but environmentally unconscious) ritual which still gives me chills. The privacy and community of that ritual spoke to me as did the sparkling of all those lit wishes lighting up the Vermont night sky. Hmm.. Maybe I can start with a private ritual and work myself to more public announcements.
My commitment: to meet me where I am and to be kind about it.
Do focusing on it.
I have gwishes around the re-writing of my dissertation proposal this summer, which I expect will be ongoing and evolving throughout the next few months. That’s not what I want to VPA about today, though.
What I want: A travel adventure/mini-retreat.
I’d like to choose an interesting, new-to-me place that’s an easy day’s drive from my home, throw some clothes and my journal into my backpack, and go exploring. One overnight would be enough. This could be either something I do with one or more family members, or an extended solo artist date — there are advantages either way.
How this can happen: I can acknowledge to myself that I really do want this, not just in an idle “Oh, wouldn’t that be nice” kind of way, but in a focused “Why on earth not?” kind of way. I can talk about it with my family this week, and see who’s interested in exploring with me. I can spend some time researching possible places to visit. My goodness, could this be a thing that happens this weekend? I don’t know, but I won’t dismiss the possibility out of hand.
My commitment: I will spend some time writing in the Book of Me about the kinds of mini-getaways that refresh and inspire me, taking care to include lots of rich, vivid detail. Also, I will believe that I am allowed to do this, even while I have many projects and tasks and deadlines. I will practice believing that travel adventures and mini-retreats are good for my projects. I will practice allowing others to believe that or not, as they see fit, and let it be enough for me that I believe it, and trust in that. (And when that’s hard for me, I will remember that this is a practice, and forgive myself, and give myself credit and celebration for even the smallest of shifts.)
Love and good wishes for all our VPAs, especially the scary ones!
Havi!!!
Wish I had more than a minute or two to reply, but if you are even ~remotely~ DIY, you can *make* massive bulletin boards easy and cheaply! (giant 4×8 for about $20-30)
Option 1- (less enviro friendly)
http://grshortstop.blogspot.com/2009/09/how-to-make-large-custom-bulletin-board.html
Made with pink foam sheet and fabric- lighter and easier to poke into.
Option 2- http://shisomama.wordpress.com/2007/05/22/how-to-homasote-bulletin-board/
Heavy and harder to poke into, but more enviro friendly.
I made two 4×4 bulletin boards using a box-cutter knife, homasote, fabric, screws to put it into the wall, a staplegun and a friend to help me hold it while I put it up. Was pretty durn easy.
XOXOXO!
Ingrid
One, only one but very big VPA:
Husband has to travel to very, oh-so-not-safe country. I want him to be protected, to be ok while he is there and to return safe and sound next week. I am asking not to be worried all the time.
How this can work:
Security guards and God’s hands (or whichever divine force’s hands). No terrorist attacks will happen while he is there.
My committment:
Metta meditation. May he be free of fear. May he not be in danger. May he feel my love all the time.
Hi Havi! Just want to say thank you for this great space… i’m getting better at acknowledging my wants. 🙂
VPA # 1
– time to work on my creative projects (novel & webcomic). Seriously, time is the most elusive resource around here.
-Ways this could work – i don’t know… not finding a lot of time lying around.
also, 5 minutes or less micromovements are helpful. i need to realize i don’t need hours on end just 5, 10 or 15 minutes here or there.
– my commitment – leave the tv off. and look for those little bits of time. also, going to bed when my body wants me to because how can i be creative if i’m falling asleep on my feet?
VPA #2
– ways to get people to my blog and draw readers to my web-serial novel that i’m going to start posting (soon, though i do have the complete draft of the first book of the series)
– ways this could work – i could create a fan page in the frolicsome bar and i could learn how to use the twitter bar. recently signed up for a twitter account but have not been back since… hmm actually telling people about this stuff, for some reason i act like it’s all a secret mission when really i should be proclaiming it from the rooftops. also tell friends – i want to make pretty blog-gy business cards too…
– my commitment – when people ask me what i’ve been up to, don’t say “not much” or “nothing really” say “actually, I have a web comic and am going to be launching a web serial novel soon. you should check it out” also to try not to be embarassed and overly bashful when i describe what said novel is about.
i also have a gwish to make said web-serial novel an ebook and sell the ebook alongside releasing the web-serial for free. i don’t know how this could work yet… we will see. it goes back to VPA # 1 for time.
Big VPA for me this week
What I want:
* For my stay-at-home mini break (which starts in 2 days) to be a fantastic combination of relaxation and destuckification, at the end of which I feel like I Did Something.
Ways this could work:
* Lots and lots of balance so the teeter-totter doesn’t get stuck to one side and make me gloomy
* Focus on bits and bites of Do Something instead of Big Picture Do Everything
My committment:
* To give myself permission to take a moment or do something different if I start feeling icky-stuck or overwhelmed with a particular Do Something
* To hug the Should Monsters and distract them with crayons and dancing if they get too loud
* To remind myself that a Something Done is a Something Done, no matter how small
I’ma keep my VPA-ing short and not-overwhelming today. Yes? Yes.
Thing I want: To feel well-rested, not-sickly, and able to handle things.
Ways this could work: I could suddenly, magically start feeling better. Something I do could have a domino effect on everything else. Anxiety and overwhelm could get washed away in the rain.
My commitment: To keep doing a lot of sleeping, even if it seems entirely unreasonable. To ease up on the commitments and to-dos. To be open to feeling fresh and fabulous.
Okay, so normally I’m scared of VPAs, but I’m inspired to try them today, so here goes.
Thing One: A way to request comments
Here’s what I want:
A standardized piece of writing to put at the end of every blog post (with a few tweaks) that invites people to write but also maintains safety and boundaries for me and all of us.
Ways it could work:
Well obviously the first step is to do a bunch of Shiva Nata and talk to whatever comes up.
I could also go through the billions of older ones I’ve written and craft something from them.
I could also conduct experiments with different wording for a week here, a week there – to see which invites comments and which makes sure the comments are thoughtful and kind.
Thing Two: Settling into a relationship
Here’s what I want:
To stay clear and awake about what is coming up for me as I continue deeper into this new romantic relationship. Also to have some degree of acceptance for it all.
Ways this could work:
I could keep journaling about it. I could write to him more if I have trouble crafting things to say while he’s there.
Doing more monster negotiations than I think I need always helps.
And alone time. And Shiva Nata.
What I want for this week:
I want to figure out Sunday.
Weekends have these wonderful big stretches in them where I can get my writing/researching done (as opposed to my paid job), but such a wide-open landscape in a day positively calls to the monsters to come out and romp. I end up going into heavy procrastination/avoidance/ self-flagellation mode. This becomes a problem in its own right, but also because I (hypothetically) work better during the day than when I come home from (official) work in the evenings during the week. So, I want to know how to handle Sundays so I can get my research & writing done.
Ways this could work:
I could be curious about what kind of supports I need (hot pink).
I could have a friendly conversation with Hortense, the Ostrich of Avoidance.
I could remind myself (and Hortense) that I enjoy writing.
I could try greeting Sunday with purpose (Hello Day).
My commitment:
To ask myself questions with affection and curiosity about what I need on Sunday.
To review what I know in the Book of Me about Things That Help Me Work
To try greeting a task or event this week with a Hello.
I forgot, there’s another thing I want:
Courage with loving support as I get ready to seek out contacts for my research.
Ways this could work:
I could talk about my preparations with friends.
I could have loving patience with my anxiety about this.
I could remember when reaching out has worked in the past.
My commitment:
To remember that I’m getting ready to make these contacts (not doing it yet) and have patience with myself.
To think about other successes I’ve had previously.
Haven’t gwished in a while since it was always the same – now it’s same but different.
I want a cancellation at the new doctor’s office so I don’t have to wait in total pain for the end of June to be seen.
I want this doctor to be able to advocate for me, not against me, so that I get good treatment and don’t become permanently disabled.
I also want forward movement on my very special project. I had an amazing epiphany the other day and now need a forum for this little treasure to be born.
I will continue to wait – (hard, this waiting thing) and be ready to pounce the minute I get the call to see the doc.
I will converse with the fearmonger – and maybe feed it some nice dark chocolate – so that I can take the first steps toward building the home for this lovely little treasure of mine.
I will also continue with the healing music and smudge, and also gwishes to the little ones surrounding me that can help, albeit in small ways, with the pain and broken-ness.
Last week I asked for help in transition. The little bit every day commitment made a BIIIIIGGG difference. As did asking the nice mover-people to reschedule for not-the-day-I-return-from-vaca. I feel like I can actually complete my list. ( no longer LIST OF DOOM) YAY VPA!
So last week I did some stuff with my things in seekrit. I want confidence in sharing the seekrit with the rest of the world.
Ways this could work:
I could ask some helper mice for help-y stuff
I could stand on the fire escape and scream and do the internet equivalent
my commitment:
To keep sharing my seekrits
To remember I have helper mice
To sing songs. or other stuff if the mood strikes.
To color and see if the next seekrit shows itself.
Theres a brewing VPA about systems for my editorial schedule also. Not this week though.
G’nite all. Big love to your VPA’s!!
Havi,
Thank you so much for the VPA thing. Writing them is so helpful and centering.
VPA#1
To find my safe person whom I can confide in without judgement, shaming, advice-giving, sympathizing, or going one up.
Ways this could happen: I begin the process….I find the courage to share just a little and observe the response.
My commitment: Begin tomorrow. Do not give up. Be mindful of who is safe. Stay in my Force Field. Practice “half-halts”, in riding and in life. (That’s an equestrian term for taking a moment to recenter and rebalance).
VPA#2
To figure out where I want to live, and that I get my house ready to market.
Ways this could happen: That I remind myself daily I am doing this so I can pursue my passion for the thing I love most in life–my riding and my ponies.
My commitment: To chunk down getting my house ready for sale into smaller more easily managed steps.
VPA#3
To give becoming a lark, and no longer an owl, my best shot.
Ways this could happen: Make my goal to ride early in the morning when the barn is peaceful and quiet, like a cathedral. That would be self-rewarding. And then I have my whole day ahead of me with a calm state of mind.
VPA#4
To follow through on getting my financing.
Ways this could happen: Acknowledge that I hate debt, but this is my best option.
My commitment: Just do it.
Urgh, I had such a resistance to doing a VPA this week! I don’t even know why, everything is going along nicely… perhaps part of me thinks that asking for more will invoke some sort of punishment and everything I already have will be taken away? Oh, that’s a new monster. I hear you, now let me write this and we can talk later.
Things I gwish for…
Writing
I would like the last draft of my play to be written. It needs to be done like, now. Ways this could happen- I could work on it in sections, chipping away.
I could get up with the sunrise. I could get some done at work. I could share it with more people and take their feedback on board. My commitment is, as always with this one, to try. Even if it’s terrible, words on a page are important.
Emails
I am so behind on emails and connecting with people I do actually care about. I want to spend time doing this but I somehow always find other things to do. This leads to a real guilt cycle which I am going to break! The way this can work is by actually doing it, instead of fretting about it. Unless I suddenly get another 10 hours in the day I will have to choose what I do carefully.
My commitment is that I’ll spend half an hour each morning replying to emails. If I don’t want to spend any more, I won’t. And if I do, I will. Sounds so simple when I write it out like that!
Hmm, still a lot of resistance going on right now. I don’t know what that’s about. Strange.
Peaceful week, everyone!
x
I’m having a hard time VPAing it up this week. I’ve looked at this post about 6 times, and still haven’t been able to get the desire to do it. But I’m going to give it a shot right now. I think it will help if I do it wrong.
More Clarity On: Me Being An Emotional Pinball
It’s a phrase that my sponsor used, and it’s scarily accurate. I seem to be whirling from one extreme emotional state to the other, prettymuch at all times. I’d like to know what that’s about, but I also want to be given the emotional strength, the tools, and the willingness to change that.
Gwish: Spain Style
I want to explore and find myself in Spain. But what I’m really looking for is: the excitement of a new place. Friends who have common interests. Having the opportunity to live alone.
Security
I want the wisdom, tools, and willingness to spend my money wisely. I want grace and forgiveness (emotional, if financial isn’t an option) for my past and future mistakes. I want to be able to give that forgiveness to myself before seeking it from others.