Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
Each week I write these Visions of Possibility and Anticipation to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.
I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!
This is funny. I had a plan for this post. I wanted to write about all the things I want to write about.
But really of course that is related to this intense heart process that I am going through right now. So let’s start there instead.
Thing 1: hello, heart.
Here’s what I want:
Okay. Background.
Big surprising changes in my heart right now. Like it’s cracking open. But in a really good way. And then everything I need is in there.
I’m experiencing bliss and then grief and then receptivity and release. In cycles. And then I come back to this very beautiful space of tingle-joy.
It is lovely. Even the parts that are painful. And that is something new for me, being able to find sweetness inside of the painful.
And my body! My body just wants to heart-open heart-open heart-open all day long. In all the years of teaching yoga and my body as my home, I have never liked backbends. I do them, but not happily.
Lately all I want to do is bend back. Wheel pose! In the morning! When I wake up! And then all day long. Just opening opening opening into heart heart heart and more heart. This is outrageously unlike me.
My posture is changing. I mean, I always stood tall because of dance, but now everything is different. When I walk I am a breathing heart. When I sleep I am a breathing heart. I feel it. But I can’t explain it better than that.
So I guess what I want is for this process to continue and deepen, to receive whatever it is that I am receiving and to integrate that. Yes. And to remember how completely shining-new and amazing this feels, even as I get used to being the person who lives like this. May it be so!
Ways this might work:
Twenty minutes talking to my heart, like I did this morning.
Visiting all the secret rooms.
Remembering.
Using this as another form of conscious entry.
I’m playing with…
Commitment to this crazy-ass experience and wherever it is taking me, I guess. How about that. Okay. What the hell. Let’s try that.
Thing 2: The unasked question. Invite it in.
Here’s what I want:
There is someone who wants to ask me a question. Well, yes, everyone wants to ask me questions, but there is a particular person with a particular question.
This person has not asked it because (not sure, this part is a guess) maybe they think it’s too personal? Or maybe just anxious about the answer.
Or maybe they don’t even know it’s knocking so loudly because they don’t know they have the question. Hmm. That’s a possibility too.
Right now this question is hovering.
Directly above my left shoulder. I am asking it to land.
Normally questions just get batted away before they even approach my force field but this one got in. So it seems to be important.
The person holding this question for me needs to just ask it.
—> CONFIDENTIAL TO N: Just ask. You are gifted with two secret verbs. You can do this. Put it into words.
I would just give you the answer right now but the question is veiled. And it seems like the unveiling of it has to be done by you. I’m not sure why but that is what I’m getting.
Ways this might work:
The question could show itself.
Safety could be made for questions that don’t want to show themselves yet.
I can stay in my heart and be present with both the idea of the question and with the idea that maybe this person will not ask the question and that it might keep hovering.
Even though yes, I would rather just know what the question is. I might not get what I want.
I’m playing with…
Here is my commitment:
I will take the question into a room that exists just for that purpose, and I will respond with the most open-hearted answer that emerges. How’s that?
And if the question does not want to unveil itself, then I will take that into the room as well.
The room is there.
Thing 3: Here we are. Wanting to write.
Here’s what I want:
I am doing so much writing!
But I am not putting it here. For a variety of reasons.
I would like to return to sharing small bits and pieces from the sea of stories with you.
Ways this might work:
Taking precautions. Safety first. Secret agent code!
Possibly some alligatoroos. We’ll see.
I’m playing with…
Expansiveness. Vulnerability. Trust. Rebirth. Experimentation. Exuberance.
Thing 4: And: The things I want to write.
Here’s what I want:
Oh, so many things. Some want to be written down. Some to be written up. Some to be written to. Some to be written about.
Such as…
- The notes from the Hush Hush Pirate Crew Rendezvous that we had to prepare for the opening of Stompopolis. These are to be given to the Noodler who will put them up on the Crew Plum.
- The list of new elements for the series that is temporarily being called Things I Want To Say That I Am Not Saying.
- And then saying them! Saying the things that I want to say, but as part of this series. Which I have been doing anyway, but making this more formal. Opening the Chronicles for it with Max Buquere.
- Notes about Having Words.
- Invocation for visiting the box, again.
- The orange ones are lava! And other tiny bits and pieces. The moon of murmuring.
- Some notes for the next chickening! About this weekend!
- When Play Becomes Rigidity.
- Things About Communication!
- The stompy notes that need to be added to either a) the magical portal, b) the crew plumlet, c) the actual plumlet!
And somehow these pieces will also help me finish the Stompopolis website. They just will. It is an entire field of fractal flowers.
Ways this might work:
Sets of ten.
Ten and ten and ten and ten.
I’m playing with…
Sparking all the sparks.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
Let’s see. I wanted progress with the Million Trillion Things. And that sort of happened and sort of didn’t. It was a busy week. But I did finally-finally wash my hair. So there’s that.
I do feel more calm about all the things. That part seems good.
I also wanted ideas for 28 days of ringing the bells. That is another thing I want to make a list of. Havi is a bell. We rang lots of bells at the Hush Hush Pirate Crew Rendezvous this weekend. That was a good start. Heart-start.
Interesting, interesting. I wanted 30 ways to think about wine (proxy!) and did ABSOLUTELY NOTHING with this. Or is that true? I need to think about this one and then re-ask it. Fascinating.
And mainly I wanted a perfect simple solution to a challenge, and I might have one. Maybe. Staying hope-filled. Spark-spark!
Playful playing. Shelter for the comments. Alligatoroos. /—{^~^}
What’s welcome: Your own wishes, gwishes, visions and personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like.
Here or on your own or in your head. It’s all fine. Or call silent retreat!
I’m receptive to warm wishes for the things I’m working on and playing with.
If you’re looking for suggestions or heart-sighs or anything else related to your wish, you will need to ask for that because our default mode is giving each other space and spaciousness for the process.
This is a place of safety for creative play and exploration, with a very non-dogmatic approach. We don’t tell each other how to ask for things and we don’t give unsolicited advice. We make space for people’s wishes.
That’s it. Let’s throw a bunch of things in the pot!
As always, amnesty applies. Leave a wish here any time you want.
xox
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I’d like to order the secret decoder ring necessary for me to understand your blog. Is there a box-top involved that I also have to submit?
Or now that I no longer live on the left coast, am I just hopelessly out of touch?
Visioning. Visioning. Ringing the bells of Anticipation and Possibility.
Thing one: A Guitar
I want a guitar! That I can take into my dressing room. Soon.
Ways this could work:
Well, I have already asked my parents for one for my birthday. But that’s not for a month and a half, so maybe in the meantime someone has one I can borrow (anyone on here, near Portland, with a guitar they can loan me until September?). Or I could make a fake guitar neck out of a box so I can practice chords.
I’ll play with:
Being happy I asked. Hanging out in the dressing room. Boxes, scissors, and marker. Following the epic clew of: “Only things I like!”
Thing two: Feeling the house hum
In the continuing saga of where I live, I am now simultaneously looking for a house to rent and a house to buy, while I’m only 80% certain I want to leave the place I’m currently renting.
I have lost the hum. I’m hearing the hum from too many different places. I no longer recognize the hum. Where is the hum?
Ways this could work:
There could be clews! But there needs to be some kind of organizing and structuring in order for me to find the clews, because right now I could walk right into a clew and I wouldn’t recognize it over the static and echoes. So something could happen so I could be more present with the clews
I’ll play with:
Entry into this afternoon’s rental house hunting. Entry into Monday’s buying-a-house hunting. Expressing my dismay about the one thing. Again. More loudly. Talking to the monsters and scared selves who get safety here. Cleaning? Cleaning might be helpful.
Thing three: Advanced Blanket Forting
The Blanket Fort has a specific plan for itself. I would like to gracefully sweep myself aside and allow the plan to come through. Blanket Forts away!
Ways this could work:
Oh. Well duh. First the office needs to reconvert itself into a Blanket Fort. Why did that seem so unnecessary or counterproductive until just now?
I could also decide good enough is good enough.
I’ll play with:
The next steps on the list. Blanket-forting up the room. Radiant Presence!!
Thing four: CASTLE! In tune with the castle!
My castle keeps showing up unexpectedly left and right. Which is great. But then I’ll be dissonant with its energy and that tends to show up as blind rage. I would like less blind rage. Less disonance. More resonance. Coming into tune with castle-frequency easily and sweetly.
Ways this could work:
I have no idea, really. The castle makes no sense to me. It’s breaking all my rules of reality. How does it keep existing when I’m so simultaneous not ready for it and completely ready for it?! Paradox!!
Ah. So Shiva Nata, obviously. I can deconstruct and reconstruct more consciously. And ringing bells! Ring! Ring!
I’ll play with:
Dancing the deconstruction. Ringing all the bells. Letting the vision do the work. Holy holiness.
Ringing bells for everyone’s visions. Humming hums.
Cracking open, but in a really good way. This, right now.
Everything is feeling like its moving in a rush, and I think I’m keeping up! So many wishing for your visions!
Vision 1
Out of the blue yesterday, we started talking about me going back to school. Which could be wonderful. And/or terrifying. And of course, super complicated.
I’ll play with… seeing if its even possible. And checking in with myself to see if this is really what I want to do, or just summer chatting. Something to research and revisit later, I think.
Vision 2
I’d love to get my desk clean again. This shouldn’t be so hard… but it is!
I’ll play with… 10 things at a time. Put where they go!
Vision 3
So many things to write, that I’m getting just a little scrambled about how to get started.
I’ll play with … making a list, and just doing 10 minutes on something. Anything!
Update on last week’s asks – Shopping was remarkably easy, and for the most part, panic free. Writing went well, even if there’s yet more. And I’m so very much in love with the new pattern for incoming me! Still more work to do on clearing out old commitments, but one by one!
Visions! I am humming. I love to hum.
Here’s what I want: A shift in my work patterns, to bring in fresh energy.
Ways this could work: Show up in the space. Make it a ritual. Make it playful. Breathe. Hum!
I’ll play with: Visions of me.
Oh, this upcoming week. A plate full; a plate empty.
1. Amazing tenants.
I would love to have people move into our old, beloved, quirky house who are open to the short term or the long term, who will be responsible and friendly and respectful. I want potential tenants to give me more than 3 minutes notice that they aren’t planning to come for their scheduled showing after all. I want the ones who say they love it to give us references and get the lease ball rolling.
I think I just need to sit with my anxiety and not take anything personally. I think the latter will take me far. I will also weed the garden and give the house some love of my own.
2. Commit to myself.
I have signed up to take a course that excites and unnerves me. I want to do well! Somehow, because it’s mostly online, I keep pushing off watching the lectures in favor of things like cleaning. I’m not sure that this honors either me or the class. On top of this, I think that I could be making healthier choices with regard to my body. I would like to get over whatever hump is keeping me in a rut with this.
With this one I think it would be helpful to have some tough-self-love, namely to be very firm with myself that this class is as important (more!) than dirty dishes or folded laundry. Especially right now in the Wet Wing Phase. I think it will be useful to look at my Old Beliefs and to remind myself that they served a little me, not the Now Me.
I think it might also be good to play with what I think things MEAN and whether there are good substitutes (for example: instead of buying coffee and pastry to nurture myself, can I find another meaningful way to nurture myself that is overall healthier and less expensive?).
I think that’s about all I can play with this week. It’s a PMS kind of week, and I think I’ll have my hands full!
Hello Heart, beautiful to read. Big love ~ Mahala
Sending love and warm wishes for heart openings.
And here are my gwishes for the week:
Thing 1: An easy cover story
What I want:A one-sentence way of telling people what I’m doing here [or not telling people what I’m doing here] without sounding too woo. A buffer phrase, as it were!
Ways this could work: I could just let it be and not worry so much about it. Or I could find a story that really works for all possible situations.
I’ll play with: Brainstorming ideas. Shiva nata. Speaking my truth. Ringing bells? (I’m not sure what that means exactly, but it feels right.)
Thing 2: People in Taos!
What I want: To “get people together to wear costumes.”
Ways this could work: Lots of amazingly lovely Floopers have expressed interest in coming out here… and maybe all those gwishes could come true. At the same time. And it could be like a fabulous week-long sleepover. Maybe?
I’ll play with:Emailing those who have expressed interest. Figuring out what I need if this actually happens and how many people I can handle at once without overload. Creating safe rooms for parts of me who are unsure about this. Not thinking about how this could or could not be related to something else and not worrying that this has been done.
Thing 3: Clarity
What I want:To know what to do next.
Ways this could work: I’m trying not to rush this – right now, I’m working on being okay with not doing anything, but I feel a bit… aimless. This could just work. Or it could not work and I could just get to being okay with that.
I’ll play with: Continuing to process. Tuning in to where I am and what I want. Letting go of rules and expectations. Lots of shiva nata since I think there’s a pattern here. Permission slips galore.
Thing 4: A decision
What I want:To make a decision on something. Silent retreat on the specifics, but I want to make this decision tomorrow, and I want it to be either a YES!! or a NO!! and not a “I’m not deciding now” which is, of course, a decision.
I’ll play withFree writing. Shiva nata. Listening to my heart. Deciding with love. Remembering that nothing is forever.
—
An update on last week: Well, I asked for travel ease, and I didn’t exactly get it. My car had an electrical problem. The first place I took it to told me there was nothing wrong, but then an hour later it lost power on the highway. Terrifying! However, I pulled right off and happened to end up at a car repair place that was actually willing to put in the time to fix it… They had it for 2.5 days, but they found the problem in the end and only charged me for a few hours of labor. Yay for good people! So despite getting stuck and having to get a rental for a few days and stuff, it worked out in the best way possible, and I’m really glad the problem is fixed once and for all.
I wanted to be writing again, and I’ve done over 3,000 words today, so I guess that’s happening. Not putting any pressure on myself about it though…
And lastly, I wanted to work on being in the moment. And it’s working. It helps to have almost no plans and limited expectations, although I am finding a strong tendency to want to create rules for myself. I shall play with this during #WNARLDRW.
Visions? They seem clouded by the presence of the little depressed moppets that follow me around clamoring for attention, pulling on my arms, standing on my chest. Be still, moppets, while I look at the road ahead! (Or don’t be, I’m still going to look.)
Vision 1.
No more scale. Hiding it. Not with the hopes that when I take it out again it will give me a magic number that I haven’t seen, but with the admission that it is measuring the wrong thing. And that it has been controlling my mood lately. That I have been *letting* it control my mood.
Vision 2.
More effort. When running is hard I walk. When running is hard for my friend, she runs faster to get it over with. I would like to try this. I know that my heart will not explode and my legs will not buckle and my lungs will not seize up, so lets try more effort when we reach the end, rather than less.
Vision 3.
More open heart. This is about gentleman friends. Practicing open heartedness in safe spaces so if one worthy of an open heart comes along, I have some practice. If all my training is in closing my heart, all I will know how to do is close my heart.
More action. This is related to the open heart. An open heart is no good if there is no pool of people to open it to. No men to meet. So, if someone says “I have the person for you to meet” I need to actually write my number down and say, “I’d love to meet them, please give them my number.” Likewise I need to keep my match profile fresh and the pictures current. Likewise, I need to remember to be me, and not try to be like the sparkly colorful girls with white pants who flip their hair.
Vision 4.
A thriving business. Where I move things along and money comes in in a wonderful fashion and all the savings and nest eggs and things are built. This will require discipline and focus and remembering what the essence of it is. This is where my “focus on the numbers” energy should be, not on my food and weight.
@Dawn & @Rhiannon do you happen to be in the same geographical space because it seems you have complementing wishes!
😉 just playing.
Blowing fairy dust for everyone’s visions!
Thing 1 – Amelie time
this An amazing weekend of shared retreat and possibility with my new leading man (as the friends say). to be a bit like amelie herself.
ways this could work dress like amelie ? spend some time playdating this. bring my creativity in small ways. skip the stones first.
i’ll play with magic and possibility and letting things happen. setting up the qualities.
Thing 2 – Falling in love with my project again
This! All this time, I have been losing my brain, i have been scatterbrained. And surrendering to it was always the smartest idea, of course, but things fell apart around me to in the work front. This past week, I found back and old notebook. And I’d like that energy back, that energy from that notebook that said helloooooooo project I am so confident you are marvelous.
ways this could work reading the old notebooks. using the new notebooks. typing up the old notes. printing out the old pages. spending the time ?
I just noticed i want to do this without falling into the old pattern of working evenings and weekends (it worked back then but it won’t work now)
i’ll play with Colors (always). Playdates. Cooking delish meals for in between the working. Inviting the friends? Co-working. Waiting for the tides, perhaps saving some for the fall, which is a time of working.
Thing 3 – Connecting to the old country
This! The old country is calling me. Friends, messages, family, even friends here inviting me over there. It’s been forever and I am being called.
I’d like to go, but without the heartbreak.
ways this could work setting up the forcefield. skipping the stones first. Writing now is not then. Having a little conversation with myself or the monsters. being selective, remembering what i like: lots of time for each person. perhaps creating a page for the book of alignment.
i’ll play with protection, protection, protection. letting me-who-knows be in charge. connecting to what i really want out of this.
Yes, this.
whispering: may it be so
Lots of smaller asks are wrapped up into two big asks this week. Background: the Tailor and I are heading out on a two-week road trip, a week from Wednesday. Between now and then there are a frillion things to be done—including one really huge one that absolutely-absolutely must be done. And that one huge thing contains about another frillion other sub-things.
Zo, Ask the First:
I really need the stamina, the presence, the will, the courage and the enthusiasm to to get the big, big thing done. By the end of the day Thursday, of this week.
This is because I want to spend Friday and the weekend exiting Work Mode and entering Adventure Mode. I want to spend this exit/entry time ONLY with my sketchbook and maybe also by lining up a few blog posts for when I’m gone.
Also because I have to present the big, big thing to the kind folks at City Hall, the day before I leave, and I don’t want my entry/exit time to be usurped by worry-worry-worry and hurry-hurry-hurry.
Ways this could work:
Prioritizing. First things first. One step at a time. Mini-chickens! And checkers! And really good music. Pawses to rawk out when I need a break. Joyful spangly revue whenever I feel like I need a cheerleader along the way. And chick-points along the way for the various milestones, so that this feels more like a relay race than a flat-out sprint.
I’ll play with:
Talking to Future Me. She knows. She has all the good ideas. PLUS, she’s super grateful to me for the huge favor I did for her months ago, which she discovered this weekend, so I think she’s really on the look-out for ways to help me.
Also, I’ll play with staying present. Noticing. Noticing when I stop noticing, too. Staying in the moment helps me stay on task. In the ask.
Ask the Second:
The first leg of the big Adventure includes the wedding of two of my best friends. Yay, best friends! It’ll be awesome. However, it is quite likely that the wedding will include someone from my past, whom we have in common. That someone was once the center of my entire existence (yeah, that kind of someone), but several years ago I said an extremely compassionate, NVC goodbye (amazing, since I didn’t even know about NVC then, and there was so much hurt-pain-fear-worry-sadness wrapped up in that goodbye at the time) to this person, with the conscious intention not to say hello again…ever. Except…yeah. Hello, potential hello.
On top of that, I have changed, physically, since our last meeting, because of health issues. I’m hoping these changes are temporary, and less pronounced than my monsters think they are, but I don’t have any guarantees there. I have an incredible amount of pain and fear and serious, debilitating self-esteem issues/monsters/ludicrous fear popcorn over this, even without the possibility of running into this person. Just the thought of having to meet him again paralyzes me with all sorts of feelings that aren’t exactly helpful to getting my way with Ask Number One. I can’t even imagine what the actual event will do to me, if/when/after it happens. This is one instance where the idea of “Now is not then” is painful, not helpful.
So I’m asking for courage. I’m asking for sovereignty (because right now I have zero on this issue). I’m asking for an absence of tears in his presence. An absence of tears while I get shit done! And I’m asking for some killer, cute-as-hell new clothes to wear that’ll help me feel like me again. (Hello, me? Please?)
Ways this could work:
As a reward for sparkly completion today, I am high-tailing it to the clothing store tomorrow. Oh, yes. And I’m going to try to talk to the monsters. Try is the operative word here.
I’ll play with:
Invoking protection. Lots and lots of protection. I’ll need every drop. If anyone here would like to help me invoke protection, I would really, really appreciate it.
Wow! It’s been awhile. Hi everyone and good luck with all your VPA’s.
Thing I want:
I want to be keyed in to my intuition and recognize the good and the bad as it comes. I want to trust myself and my judgement more.
WTCW:
I don’t know, I’ve started on this path a little bit. I guess I can pay attention to my emotions and my physical sensations/reactions I get to new events. If I take more time to myself and work on trusting myself and my gut.
I experiment and try new things, see how I feel about them and pay attention. Maybe I could add an intuition section to my hello day letters. Maybe I could play with cartomancy and tarot again.
My Commitment:
To remember that I should trust myself and my own judgement. I am an adult and have my own experiences and know myself best. I see things and do things that I don’t realize conciously, but play into my intuition.
Havi,
I visited your blog today because I was curious if you are feeling any of the astrological impacts of the last month – and it seems you are. Internal cracking open, heart blasting and filling everything is a common theme. An optimal theme, one might say, among many options including not so ease-filled destruction.
July 14th we had a powerful Uranus-Pluto-Mars T-square. Before that on June 24 we had the first of seven Uranus-Pluto T-squares. The remaining 6 are scattered until 2015.
Powerful times. I’m happy to hear that love has you on its back!
Keep up your inspiring work and thank you for sharing.
Amy Martin
so last time I had a bunch f things to throw in the pot, and we had limited success with any of them. Since Spangly Revue! is one part of the Embarking process I’m skipping I need to look at that more closely. But all of them touched on this week’s Vision.
Vision 1: Smooth and sustainable routines with work and kids. The return to work etc hit me like a freight train. I need to create rotuines and systems that keeps everyone on track, but does not require me to carry thew whole load.
WTCW: I dont know. obviously I need new ideas and appraoches because the old ones dont work so well. I could notice and see and maybe other folks could point things out.
I commit to: Continued gentleness. Finding the Useful and Noticing what’s ALready There. Find ways to inspire the 11year oldas my ally ion these things. Keep talking and asking for help ina sovereign, kind way. Assume the help is forthcoming. If things fall apart, sit down and rest, dont keep working. Put myself in TimeOut if I need to.
I asked for an easy transition back to WorkingMom status. And I got as easy as I could, barring just hiring an au pair. Still working on that.
My daily writing practice (code name: Sloop) was not daily, but I was thinking about writing alot, and working on all my Sloop tasks. There are many besides the writing. So while I did not write as much as I wanted, i discovered that as the writing strengthens, I will have more things to do that are not writing, to keep the writing going. And that these tasks need to be acknowledged too.
I’m still committed to There are No Spoons, but wow, is getting back on that track being hard.
EoS was neglected but then again I think there has been tiny lil movement all along. Once I clean out the closet, organise the closet, the progress may be more obvious. Ingeneral, i feel less shabby and that was the goal.
I’m still contemplating a hairtcut and COLOR but I really like my hair today. And that’s an important part of the EndofShabby too.
VPAs! Yays!
What I want: To celebrate the fact that — holy moly — I just gave my notice at my day job! I’ve been working up to this for, oh, a good four years. And now, suddenly, it is here. But I don’t know what to do with it, now that it’s actually here instead of in the far-off future, as it has been for so many years. So I want to celebrate this place where I am now.
Ways this might work: I could share the news with friends and family. I’m sharing it here, which is definitely a start! I could welcome cheers (fellow VPA-ers, I welcome your cheers!). I could even begin to plan a super-fun celebration.
I’ll play with: Remembering to say YAY! Scooping out a nice little pause to put celebration in.
Thing 2: Loving systems in my business. As I start to welcome more clients into my world, I’m noticing a definite need for systems to allow things to flow, like a mountain stream, in order to make the experience great for everybody involved.
Ways this might work: I could spend time, perhaps on my commute, identifying some of the places where systems could help. I could write down all the systems ideas that have been coming to me so they’ll be captured for later.
My commitment: To give systems the respect and time and love they deserve.
Progress on last time:
Thing 1 (transition into post-honeymoon life) went well. Bedtime saved me! I was toying with aiming for a 10am bedtime and 7am wakeup. It was MAGIC! So I’m happy about that and continuing the experiment this week. Ritual was hugely helpful in this transition, I think.
Thing 2 (business blossoming) also happened! Out of what seemed like thin air, a new photo client came to me, one I’m very excited about. Also, other exciting possibilities simply showed up in my life. Miraculous.
Sending love to everybody’s VPAs!
Hello week!
Ask #1: Job.
Now that the doom and gloom of the past couple months has subsided for the moment, my search for gainful employment is at the top of the priority list again. I am asking for courage and ease and just the right amount of pizazz with this. I am asking for a positive work environment with responsible people. I am asking for my outer glow to match my inner glow. I am asking for the strength that I’ve misplaced to come back to me.
I’ll try: breathing, asking for help, asking Future Me for advice.
Ask #2: Reconnection.
I want to reconnect with someone very important in my life. We seem to have drifted onto different sides of the canyon, and I want to build a bridge across. I’m asking for patience, perspective and more patience.
I’ll try: counting to ten, asking “what’s needed?”, taking space, laughing
Warm hugs for everyone’s gwishes this week!
Hello Visioneers / Visionators / Visionumerals (? I’ll stop now.)
Vision Warm
A week of calm, trusting, Everything-Is-Going-To-Be-Okay-ness, with surprisingly high productivity and faith in the value of rabbit hole explorations.
This seems to have been happening sort of all by itself lately. I think perhaps because I’ve been noodling on what my heavy-handed definition of ‘properly’ and my horror of ‘waste’ are about.
Because when I let Properly! and Wasteful! rule I get extremely anxious, judgemental, unkind and resentful. Very not fun.
So maybe even just curiously observing those patterns IS breaking the pattern. Oh right, like physics 1.01 observation changes that which is observed. Of course.
Maybe I’ll play with getting some of those noodles swirling around my head out on the floop…. although I’ve got a bunch of Things To Process on the go already. Hmmm, I guess I’ll play with If It Happens It Happens and either way Everything Is Going To Be Okay. I think that being an open, breathing heart might be a wonderful vision to hold too. Wow…
Vision Tune
Gwish-fairy magic! (In code. To me.)
* To research some local yoga and meditation classes.
* To keep writing up the other pages.
* To start a particularly crappy first draft of the red-velvet rope.
* To write up some crappy drafts of the pillars.
* To calendarise the plan for when pillars get shipped.
* To paws before each writing session and make space for the qualities and superpowers I want the pillars to hold to infuse my fingers.
May it be so. *fairy dust* on everyone’s visions.
Kyeli – YAY! I am yaying with you!
My wish:
A way to feel all these feelings and not be lost in a sea of feelings.
Oh, these feelings, they are finally being felt, and they are multitude. They freeze me, wash over me, and want me to just go lay down. I’ve been doing a lot of laying down, but now I want to find a way to live with the feelings (without squashing them, and without them drowning me).
My commitment:
-To not try to “get over” the feelings. Or scare them off.
-To remember that now is not then, and that each wave of feeling (even if about the same thing) is new and for a new reason, and it has something new I can take (or not)
-to stop trying to figure out What It All Means
What I’ll try:
-writing, as much as it needs, with no worries about what time it is or what else I “should” be doing
-noticing the way now is not then
-asking the feelings if they have something to tell me
Hi and good wishes to all!
Here’s what I want:
At Rally, Havi mentioned that many participants go home from Rally and reorganize their workspaces. I haven’t done that externally, so far, but I really want my headspace to reconfigure as follows:
I want my conscious heartmind experience to have the qualities of spaciousness and peace, often quiet, but possibly with intermittant birdsong.
Symbolically, I want a new inner “temple,” and I want it to include:
– A graceful pot of sparkly and gently fragrant Havi-inspired mindset
– An excellent workshop for my inner Engineers, where they/we can analyze dilemmas and experiment to come up with prototype solutions
– Magic walls and ceilings that change color when and as I wish, with optional sparkles
– Magically inspiring and comforting shape-and-color-shifting blanket/cloaks
– Silverspirit boundaries, flexible and strong, resilient and beautiful
– Magical liquids to transform mundane tasks (by spraying, dipping, or anointing them), to increase my levels of ease about doing what’s necessary with a peaceful heart, leaving plenty of room, also, for a heart that’s glad in exquisitely appropriate and deeply wise ways
Ways this might work / I’ll play with / I’m playing with (not sure of the distinction between the “Ways it might work” and the “I’ll play with” categories, here):
– Reread a Havi post or a poem before starting work, each morning?
– Consciously imagine anointing myself and a single mundane task with the transformational liquid, and consciously recalling the remembered feeling of bravely choosing to learn?
Special message on the breeze to Chandler:
May you find a deep, unexpected, underground river of strength within yourself.
May your mind and hands and body serve you well.
May your allies prove helpful.
I imagine a force-field around you that is made of animated colored-pencil strokes. The individual colored strokes move as needed, individually and in collaboration, to deflect anything that’s not helpful, or to contain it safely, or to transform it to something better.
Good wishes for the work you’re doing, inside and outside!
Hello, visions of possibility and anticipation. Hello, fellow visioners. My heart is whispering: it’s time to follow the strands of desire; it’s time to give them voice.
Thing One: Our new home.
We’re moving in less than a month. To a new city. To a new state. (into new states, as well?) Yes, we’re moving, but there is no specific ‘where’ waiting for us at the other end yet. Or it hasn’t introduced itself yet.
I would like to stop checking craigslist every five minutes. I would like the introduction to this new home to be full of ease and synchronicity and magic and love. I want to love my new space. I want to stretch out into it and laugh with it as it partners in this new phase.
I will play with opening to the possibilities. I will play with asking the unlikely questions. (if my new home were a giraffe, what would it have to say to me?) I will follow the sparks and listen when there is no spark. I will spend time in the home-of-me, and fine tune the magnet. I will write love letters to my new home and blow it kisses.
{And if anyone here happens to know of a lovely place that might be just right in Roanoke, VA, I would love to hear from you! xo}
Thing Two: Cello Love
I’m starting to play again. Starting to find my fingers and my breath and my desire where they meet strings and wood. And I’d like to continue this. It’s a part of my entry into the coming newness. I’d like to give it the space and elevation that it calls for, as such.
I will play with infinite time and the attitude of a lover. Also: dreams and sparks.
Thing Three: Closing the book.
The final chapter of my current life in Pittsburgh is underway. I want to complete this chapter with love, ease, steadiness, clarity, simplicity, wholeness, right timing, release, and delight. I want to weave in all the ends, and block this lace carefully so that the pattern shines through with beauty and elegance.
I will play with enjoying all the metaphors. Picking up the blocks and arranging them according to desire and love. Bird by bird.
Thing Four: Space. And Spring.
The thing that has been brewing for so long now… Stretching with all my love to the horizon — is it time yet? Whispering love to the seed, the sprout, the roots.
Playing with boundless love and an eye for hidden assets.
~~~~~~~~
Love and kisses to all. xo
A new want. Mental space… I feel my head becoming very cluttered right now.
WTCW: I don’t know. I’m doing to the to-do list, and it’s just ever growing, though it does help, just not enough. I tried the walk thing, which usually helps, but again not enough. Jumping jacks and stretching, which usually help, didn’t leave me feeling refreshed and open mentally either. I’m VPAing it for hopefully more clarity on how to get this for the rest of the workweek, I think I can reset myself over the weekend. Drawing? Writing? Daydreaming? thinking?
My Commitment: To explore new possibilities beyond the normal things I do to give me the mental space I need. To not be afraid to share this need as it arises.
~ Much love to everyone and good luck with your VPAs