Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
Each week I write these Visions of Possibility and Anticipation to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.
I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!
Thing 1: Just add an alligator.
Here’s what I want:
It is now the season when it is far too cold and wet to hold Beach Day — my so-called “clandestine executive business meeting” — on an actual beach.
So I hid in a cafe and held Beach Day there. Built some invisible sandcastles.
And I met two lovely people who reminded me, accidentally, about the importance of adding alligators. When in doubt, just throw in an alligator. Everything is better when you add alligators.
What this means (to me, right now) is this: how can something that I’m currently taking way too seriously become a little more lighthearted and playful?
So I want to remember this question over the coming week and beyond. And I want to apply alligators to some things that feel stuck.
Ways this might work:
We have lots of alligators (they’re called alligatoroos) at the Stompopolis and the Playground.
I can ask the question. How would this situation change if I added alligators?
And of course I can conjure up silly little creatures to follow me around. Like this guy, who is not really an alligator but close enough, also what a schmoo-face!
/—{^~^}
I’m playing with…
Adding more alligators. Applying alligator to every possible situation until it is either funnier or less annoying.
Thing 2: Writing about the 8 rules that are not really rules.
Here’s what I want:
To get this material out of my head and onto paper/computer in some form.
Ways this might work:
Talking it out with Harmony. Or with Marisa. One of those people is real!
Maybe doing some stone skippings.
I’m playing with…
Setting the wish here. Finding out what I know about this.
Thing 3: The next steps in a perfect simple solution.
Here’s what I want:
The not-amicable situation has become a significantly-more-amicable situation but there is still a lot to hammer out.
And I don’t have any bandwidth for this right now because I’m deep in preparation for Crossing the Line, the eight day event that I am leading.
So I need a perfect simple solution to reveal itself please.
Ways this might work:
I don’t know.
I’m asking.
I’m playing with…
Doing yoga on it. Sleeping on it. Putting it in water.
Thing 4: The shavasana year.
Here’s what I want:
I’m going to embark on an experiment that has to do with emptying out and replenishing, deep exit to prepare for entry.
And I want to investigate what that might entail.
Ways this might work:
I plan to take this question and this desire with me into the Crossing.
And let it unravel and reconfigure.
I’m playing with…
Legitimacy: wanting the thing that I want even when it feels counterintuitive or problematic.
Presence. Patience. Simplicity. Pleasure.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
Huh. Last week’s asks were remarkably effective.
I wanted a home for the Wishing Hour, and now that home is Fridays. This also solves my ask from two or three weeks ago about changing how I do Fridays.
Then I wanted to stay true to the Vision, and while that happened in kind of a weird way, it has absolutely been happening. Everything that is not part of the vision is just dropping away.
Next I wanted a swift and loving resolution to a tragic misunderstanding, and that is well on the way. We’re still sorting out details, but the deep anger that was directed at me has subsided, and been replaced with curiosity, compassion and a willingness to negotiate. Thank god.
Then I wanted stuff to change with Thursdays, and actually metaphor mouse helped me figure out the perfect thing.
And I wanted to shorten the Embarking Anthology, which did not happen at all because of the giant emergency that took over my life last week, but I have thoughts about how I want to do this. And it is related to adding alligators. So there.
Playful playing. Shelter for the comments.
What’s welcome: Your own wishes, gwishes, visions and personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like.
Here or on your own or in your head. It’s all fine. Or call silent retreat!
I’m receptive to warm wishes for the things I’m working on and playing with.
If you’re looking for suggestions or heart-sighs or anything else related to your wish, you will need to ask for that because our default mode is giving each other space and spaciousness for the process.
This is a place of safety for creative play and exploration, with a very non-dogmatic approach. We don’t tell each other how to ask for things and we don’t give unsolicited advice. We make space for people’s wishes.
That’s it. Let’s throw a bunch of things in the pot!
As always, amnesty applies. Leave a wish here any time you want.
xox
Follow
Here’s what I want: for the Wizard to find a good new job that allows us either to stay in our current home, or to move someplace that we like.
Ways this might work: Hmm. I’m having trouble framing this, because it seems as if so much of this is completely out of my hands. I can work on being open to possibilities, I guess, and perfect simple solutions.
I’m playing with: Releasing. Grounding. Holding things lightly. Loving the people I love. Creating the world that is in my immediate reach.
Heartsigh!
So much on the blog has been resonating perfectly with my stuff the past few weeks, but I think Adding Alligators is genius! So I will add alligators freely the next few days! Alligators All Around! (by maurice sendak)
VPA 1 Changing the Narrative. A bunch of sucky narratives with lose-lose-lose all over them. They must stop.
WTCW: It just could. Open to assistance.
ICT: I’ll play with amnesty, permission, gentleness and curiosity. I will keep in mind the relatinship of appropraite Welltending (see below) to being able to do this. Remembering it’;s not a coincidence that extreeme stress and relapsing go hand in hand.
VPA 2: recovery. My husband needs to recover from these injuries & surgeries, and i wnat to help provide the most nurturing and healing environment i can. this is made difficult by my rage, exhaustion, overwork and pain-from-then. regardless of what changes we both make in months to come, i need to be able to participate/direct this recovery process as well as i can. I need to be able to care for him approprately and myself while we go thru this. i need to keep the front of the V heading in the right directuon, so i need the right self at the front of the V
WTCW: Obviously Welltending (self care) for me. Adding more time to everything. Cleansing anger before i interact with husband becaise it makes things harder. Journaling and journaling and journaling.
ICT: Remembering compassion and gentleness, giving myself compassion and gentleness. Moving and humming. Remembering forcefields (all my tools really).
Things I need this week:
-new SuperPowers! Like Not Folding Under Pressure, Saying no Compassiantely, Negotiating is Not Just Capitulating.
-good sleep
-mat time and Movement
-to check with the Orisas and the Ancestors, because damn
-the SuperPower of knowing how to use my tools.
I’m kinda feeling lost and raw today. Pets on head welcome.
Pets on head for our Leni!
Hi and good wishes to all!
Thing 1: Support! Mutual support!
Here’s What I Want:
Either a buddy or a group of folks to communicate with briefly but multiple times a week, to mutually encourage and remind each other to USE the techniques and attitudes that we’ve learned from Havi, and to applaud each other’s efforts at Working on Our Stuff!
Ways This Might Work:
Someone might see this VPA or the request in my latest blog post and get in touch with me to discuss possibilities. (Please do!)
Someone who sees this VPA or my latest blog post might pass the word to someone else who they think might be interested. (Please do!)
I might catch up with E, at a time when she has a few spare moments, and get her suggestions for additional folks to follow on Twitter.
Someone might find me via my own Twitter posts, if I make more of them marked #Havi. (That tag seems to mean more than one thing, though. Is there another good tag to use? Anyone interested in starting to use a #destuckification tag on Twitter?)
Someone who sees this VPA or my latest blog post might suggest another way of finding interested folks. (Please do!)
Thanks in advance for any assistance with this!
I’m playing with:
Asking here and asking on my blog. I’ll tweet about it, too.
And it might be useful to run this idea through the well-formedness conditions from NLP, too, particularly the bit that involves figuring out the actions that I can initiate and maintain on my own, and any parts of the gwish that need the participation of others.
Thing Two: Self-Care Improvements!
Here’s what I want:
I want to improve the regularity with which I take my meds and supplements, between now and when I next see my MD, so I can report about whether or not they make a noticeably useful difference. More sleep would be good, too.
Ways this might work:
It might help to start with the sleep, which involves getting off the computer earlier. Researching new parental control software is a good action to try, since I now know ways to defeat my old software easily.
Alternatively, I could make a StickK pledge with a penalty for staying up later than specific times.
Re taking the meds and supplements more regularly, I could make myself a daily checklist or spreadsheet or web post or phone calendar entry where I track what I’ve taken and what I haven’t taken, each day.
Or someone here or in a 12-step group might offer to check in with me about how I’m doing on this, in return for me checking in with them on how they’re doing with their own chosen actions.
Someone might suggest another way of doing this. I welcome and request suggestions about this!
I’m playing with:
Asking here.
I also hereby commit to journal about what I’m willing to try from the possibilities above, before this coming Sunday night.
Note: Both of the Things above are in the service of a much bigger Thing, which is that I want to use my time in ways that I find satisfying and can be proud of. The connections might not be obvious, but that’s the big background gwish.
May your work and your week go well!
Karensu
Karensu, I think that is a marvelous idea. I could use something like that for some of the same needs — taking meds and getting to bed on time. Maybe an FB group? I’m not on Twitter.
Leni — patting you on the head. Sending support. It’s hard caring for your husband like you’re having to do.
Kathleen, you have my thoughts and prayers.
Havi — as always. Heart sighs and hugs. I look forward to learning about the Rules that are not rules.
This week, I want sleep and rest in appropriate amounts and at the right times, social EASE and connectedness, and using what I know.
I want to work on my One Thing and the Next Step, and to prepare for next week’s project time.
Good wishes for all.
*petting Leni on the head*
*adding totally non-obligational hugs*
Last week, I asked for accepting/choosing rest and replenishment. Which I got, but in a non-preferred way — perhaps I need to be more specific! But got the reminder that if I don’t take care of myself, body will shut down and force me to. So this week, a variation on a theme…
VPA #1: I’d like to take care of myself without full-body shut down and horrible illness, please!
This could work by: going to bed early, lots and lots of water and tea, and possibly juice, more fruit, less work. Force fields and whatever trust exercises in the Soft I need to go easily rather than pushing.
My commitment: keep meeting with my internal team (Bel, Thalia, Lannister) and check in daily.
Happy week, peeps. 🙂
This week: I met a deadline yesterday with my Buster Bluth juice box strategy, ie, I ate tons of sugar to be able to think (this works amazingly well, my poor glucose deprived brain) and today I am paying the price, sick, and slept until 4pm. That is the starting place for this week.
vpa:
-new moon wishes, libra is my month to do 50 instead of 10, oh my
-feel functional by tomorrow
–magic easy channeled solutions to what needs shoring up
–somehow, entering edits doesn’t exhaust me so badly
–total peace and solitude in house
–whole thing done and beautiful by Friday,
There is a documentary on about a guy who lived in a 30 degree below zero tent for 6 months to film wild animals, and I am just kind of feeling a little comforted by this. The horrible food he had to eat. Pursuing something thrilling and rare and worth it. It’s like the opposite of Internet dating, where everything is supposed to be normal and easy.
Head pets to Leni and love to vpas.
@Havi,
Love and warm wishes to you for your work and play!
This week, Thing 1:
WIW–
To keep the attitude of buttmonster love and joy! (Received my Plum Duff shipment last week; they are awesome!) I have been showing them (and allowing sample squooshes) to certain friends who are very stressed and they routinely burst into gales of laughter, which can’t help but reduce their stress levels.
WTCW–
>> I could make some buttmonster flash cards and carry them around, just in case. Or I could do that with any of my fuzzball monsters, for that matter.
>> I could whisper “buttmonsters” to a stressed person who has already seen them. I could do a virtual squoosh motion with my hands.
>> I could try schmurphle exercises with my friends without even revealing we are schmurphling. (I love that word.)
>> I could look for people wearing socks that are reminiscent of buttmonster colors and patterns.
I’ll Play With–
I think I’d like to try out all of these!
This week, Thing 2:
WIW–
I need to get back on a declutter schedule. I also need to get some bills paid. These are directly related.
WTCW–
>> Pick up and put away 3 things, or do picking up for 10 minutes, first thing in the morning. This always used to help my attitude for the rest of the day, but I haven’t done it for a while.
>> Maybe I could connect exercising (good for my back) with decluttering. For example, 30 minutes decluttering results in an exercising reward.
>> Write “gratitudes” in the evening (e.g., about having a place to clutter, and having the info even though it’s messy). Short, maybe bulletized. Integrate with the daily to-do list? (which I haven’t even been doing) Post them so I see them in the morning.
>> Schedule a new session with my organizer.
I will commit to–
Doing at least one of these each week for the next four weeks.
Buttmonster joy to you all!
So much love to all of you.
Leni head-pets and hair-pets as you want or need them, and a loving smile re: sendak because now I’m thinking of “B! Bursting balloons” 🙂
I have only one vision right now, and that vision is a chair. A good chair. An even, balanced chair. A comfortable chair. For the room in which and the desk at which I write. I am amazed at how much pain I’m in, simply because my adorabibble zebra chair seat is higher on the right than on the left.
Leaving multicolored gwish-fetti for this. (I have a stash.)
(also, Cathy, I love that you have a Lannister.)
VickiB, thanks very much for your interest in grouping for mutual support!
However, I’m not on FaceBook, so far, and I’m apprehensive about joining–for several years, I’ve been having a real struggle to use the internet appropriate amounts of time, and I suspect FB would exacerbate that. (I have privacy concerns there, too.)
Do you have an online presence anywhere else? How would you feel about creating a presence elsewhere? (For example, I have accounts on Twitter, LiveJournal, DreamWidth, and Procrastinators Anonymous–do any of those appeal to you?)
Thanks for considering!
@Leni: *pets*
Update: I wanted more days like my lovely Sunday, and they were. I am pondering how to sustain the sense of restfulness and loveliness when the deadlines perk back up.
Alligators! I can’t help wishing that alligators would eat my iguanas. Or at least give them alligator-back rides. Hmmm…
A Thing: Project S. Biggggg iguana. Ollllld iguana. How to engage with it so that I can get it on its way to its people and get on with my life?
WTWC:
* calming the Accounting Monster: use old paper, old inks/paints/pencils for the drafts … put in same corner with anguished and reproachful Unused Inventory Monster?
* a schedule. One line a day?
* role-playing. I am…
* deferring/simplifying other aspects of my life so that they aren’t excuses for evading PS.
I’ll play with:
* poems as dialogue/negotiation? Or just simple coloring/sketching…
* or permission to keep cleaning instead of engaging? The resistance, it has bulk…
Wishing everyone warmth and comfort.
Warm wishes on your alligators (picturing them sitting on a sunny rock.)
Oh ho, I guess the week is practically done. I can worm out of asking, or using asking to avoid doing, or some other bad habit….
Back in self-compassion, curiosity world (where it is good competing with good):
I am playing with learning the important things. I implied in that ask another ask — for no more changes in what-is-important. The universe did not get my subtlety. So I have a new and exciting what-is-important today.
Obstacle 1: worry that this new shiny thing will make the old and more-likely-to-happen thing seem blah.
Obstacle 2: ignoring my worries.
I will borrow a dash of Simplicity, along with Straightforwardness, Patience, Enthusiasm.
One thing at a time.
Mace-tailed Alligator No-Eyes? x—{ } It’s Species of the Week. Really, it’s just one guy.