Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
Each week I write these Visions of Possibility and Anticipation to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.
I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!
This week’s Visions are showing up later than usual because I have been deep-deep-deep inside of Crossing the Line: the Eight Day Voyage, which is this incredibly intense and wonderful retreat that I run.
We ended this afternoon, and I realized that I only want one thing this week, but it’s a big one.
Not physically big. Big as in: all-encompassing.
Thing 1: I want flowers.
Here’s what I want:
At the Crossing, each of has a mission!
But it’s a proxy-mission. Something that sounds unimportant and silly and maybe even kind of meaningless but then it ends up secretly standing in for the things you really want. It is both fun and sneaky!
My mission was Passionately Investigating Why It Is That Flowers Make Things Better.
I learned a lot about flowers. And even more about passion.
Also about space and presence, and transformation. Specifically the kind of transformation that happens without knocking down any walls: steady, gentle, grounded and sweet.
And I want to remember this. And so I want flowers. I want lots and lots and lots of flowers.
Ways this might work:
Actual flowers.
Representations of flowers.
Things that remind me of flowers or are symbolically flowers.
Things that are like flowers but not flowers.
For example, a beeswax candle also has beauty and scent. Like a flower, it radiates quietly but lovingly and with a certain quality of being.
I could walk in the rose garden even though the roses are gone.
I could go to the nursery and look at all the flowering winter plants.
People could send me flowers or drawings of flowers or pictures of flowers. Please do if you like!
There could just be lots of flowers.
I’m playing with…
Remembering that flowers are important. The most important.
Trusting my intuition. Trusting the mission.
Remembering that I live in the Rose City, baby. I am the Rose City. “We are the Roooooooooose City! You can’t stop us!”
Especially!
Letting lots of other things stand in for flowers while still remembering that ACTUAL flowers are important.
And!
Letting flowers stand in for lots of other things while still remembering that I can let the flowers do the work for me.
Also: fractal flowers. Ha. Yes.
Watering flowers. Watering me. With water, obviously. But also with flower essences. And with time and naps and softly glowing appreciation in my tingle-joy heart.
Internally blossoming. When it feels like it’s time.
And this is all I am wishing for this week because it is everything. Maybe this can also contain all the other wishes that need to be wished. Mmmm.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
Let’s see. I announced the end of an era, and that we are discontinuing the shiva nata starter kit and the non-sucky yoga kits (which had already sold out so I’m not linking). And apparently a big chunk of the remaining inventory sold. There are a few left!
I wanted to think differently about time, and ahahahahaaaa I did lots of that. But not even slightly in the way that I expected. Now that I have crossed the Crossing, I think differently about all sorts of things. But especially about time.
Then I wanted perfect simple solutions to two stuck interpersonal situations, and I have been letting these situations sit in a room full of harmonious resolution while at the Crossing. So I don’t know if they have changed at all, but I certainly feel calmer about them, which is a win.
And I wanted wonderful things from Crossing the Line, including the superpower of “painless wish-fulfillment”. And I am feeling good about this. Everything that I planted in the Crossing felt really steady and simple. Essence. I am liking this.
Playful playing. Shelter for the comments.
What’s welcome: Your own wishes, gwishes, visions and personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like.
Here or on your own or in your head. It’s all fine. Or call silent retreat!
I’m receptive to warm wishes for the things I’m working on and playing with.
If you’re looking for suggestions or heart-sighs or anything else related to your wish, you will need to ask for that because our default mode is giving each other space and spaciousness for the process.
This is a place of safety for creative play and exploration, with a very non-dogmatic approach. We don’t tell each other how to ask for things and we don’t give unsolicited advice. We make space for people’s wishes.
That’s it. Let’s throw a bunch of things in the pot!
As always, amnesty applies. Leave a wish here any time you want.
xox
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Sending you mental flowers, which contain warm thoughts for you to receive the kind of flowers most needed for you in all areas of life…
A wish from me: Guidance here, for mirrored paths that are two sides of the same coin, yet opposite each other in deep and fundamental many ways. And people to share this. People to guide and people to walk along with.
Blossoming, blooming, flowering beauty. There is a post from a million years ago where you envisioned yourself as a gorgeous, radiant, full-blown red rose shining in the sun. That’s how I’m picturing you now Havi. xoxo
Thing 1: information about intention
So, my life is in flux (ha! understatement!) and I’m getting ready to embark on a life that is going to look significantly different. New house, new town, country not city, new family configurations, new routine for Little Lad, new proximity to everything that is good/hard about my family of origin, new distance to so many things I have associated with my identity. Flux! Releasing! Making space!
I did a bit of pondering about what I want my ‘new’ life to feel like and a lot of stuff came up around intention, living an intentional, clear, conscious, deliberate, thoughtful, intuitive life, one that fits me, that is not about what I can get or what it should be like, but about who I am, and discovering that.
So I’d like to receive lots of Really Useful Information about INTENTION, and using it.
WTCW: blessings, insights, epiphanies, synchronicities, magic, presents/presence.
I’ll play with: opening, softening, being receptive.
Thing 2: courage, clarity, sovereignty for a difficult email
Silent retreat on the details. I’m also gwishing for a positive response.
WTCW: stone skipping, monster comforting, connecting to the qualities.
I’ll play with: flooooop.
Thing 3: Gwishes
– car to stay in working order
– rental application to be approved
– the kids to stay well
– the stupid debt that is not my fault to be rescinded (rah! rah! bureaucratic bungles!)
– maybe what this is all about is a sense that All Will Be Well and I Can Cope With This. Competence.
*gwish*
@Havi: sending you warm wishes and roses…
roses!
What perfect timing!
Thing the first
I want an ease-filled transition from Crossing the Line through a set of friends and back home. I want to have energy, to feel connection, and to be centered and internally spacious.
WTCW: Keep the self-care rituals! Journaling and sleep and decent food are a MUST. Conduct! Ask for the things I need, i.e., my crazy peanut butter cookies.
Thing the second
I want to see how the visions I saw today after Shiva Nata (hot buttered epiphanies, baby!) translate into the material world.
WTCW: More Shiva Nata, of course. Conducting. Stone skipping. Sleeping. Journaling.
Yay flowers!
My vision/gwishes:
1. Rest and peace first
2. Less resistance to movement
3. Order restored/storm displacement over
4. Off of the frankenstorm carbs for gods sake
5. Good deep easy creative time and perfect channeled solutions to Part Five
6. Delight, freedom, love, fun, ease with (silent retreat)
How it could work etc
Divine ease, shiva nata, let it go, stretch
I am very intrigued by your thoughts on flowers! Yay flowers! (Flow-ers!)
Thing 1: I told some friends and acquaintances online about a Thing that I’m going to be doing! Eeek and yay! I would like to shift my pellet patterns of looking for comments in all the places at all times and avoiding things in the process. But I still want to be responsive to questions and discussions.
Ways/play: Containers for indulging the peeking and answering. Tally sheets and tracking–treating it as data rather than validation. Fuzzy scientists. Asking a silly toy to peek for me and tell me the results.
Thing 2: The container system I made for avoiding avoidance feels like it isn’t working any more. I want to play with it and find ways to get it back into humming condition.
Ways/play: Naps. Transition rituals with built-in speedbumps. Reading about continued mindfulness/mindfulness reminders. Finding more lusciousness and comfort even in Doing. Bringing Engineer Me to the front of the V. Remembering that there are always options and that I get figure out what I need.
Havi, this is huge!
There are still roses blooming in a few places around town and tomorrow I will go visit time. Tonight I have been looking at pictures of flowers and thinking about their beauty and presence, and then:
*bing!*
Flowers have a very important mission — and I rarely think about that because their beauty is what reaches ME. (And I’m reminded of doing things In Grand Fashion!)
And that led to my Ask for this week:
May I go about my mission with the grace and beauty and presence of the rose, the lily, the hyacinth…
That is all.
Yay Roses !!!
Gwish: to embrace the beauty and embracings and passaging and celebrating. And still get something done of what needs doing ! to untie all the knots that were left in my stomach, to embrace the monsters and make a home for them.
(Was too wiped last night to peer ahead…)
Update on a past ask:
Apparently the unexpected-indirect-and-so-simple solution to the sunscreen was to cut off the top of the tube, turning it into a pot instead of a squeezie-thing. Apparently my brain functions *much* better with jars instead of squeezey tubes. I suspect it’s both a control and a luxury issue (i.e., said brain perceives open-mouth jars as more user-friendly because it’s easier to control how much or little comes out, and because as a child I learned to associate expensive cosmetics with glass jars). Something to ponder further.
A Thing: Still in the thick of a Big Sticky Patch. Wanting fire/solvent ex machina to dissolve the stuck, but not really, because I wouldn’t want to clean up that mess. What I really want is to meet my next milestones for S and T without losing sleep and to feel confident that S and T will be pleased with the results. One of these is within my immediate control.
WTWC:
* distinguish what is doable v. monster-noise
* remind self that what I finish is almost always well-received, and it is so not the end of the freaking world when it is not, especially since I will have space/time/ability to adjust/improve on results if necessary
* hmmm. Fear of Mis-allocating Resources Monster just hopped into the spotlight. Need to have a chat. Or ten.
I’ll play with: crayons and markers. I’ve gotten away from them the past couple of weeks, and each time I remember I have them it’s like an “oh!”
Wishing everyone flowers who wants ’em.
Hi, Visions.
What I want: Healing and good fortune for people in pain in my area (and other areas, too).
Ways this might work: I don’t know. Things could magically start getting easier. Water could drain. Insurance could magically come through. Aid could function flawlessly.
I’ll play with: Reaching out. Going outdoors. Allowing structure to hold me.
Thing 2: A just-right final person for my Day of Nothing, and more just-right people for my coaching services. I have a feeling these are connected.
Ways this might work: Details could reach the eyes and ears of just the people who need this stuff. People could search out these things and stumble upon them at just the right time. I could remember to be myself and keep on glowing with the qualities.
I’ll play with: Shiva nata. Noticing the coincidences. Opening, opening to things happening with shocking ease.
Wishing love to everyone’s visions!
Love this!
My proxy-want is a pony. I literally say this when I am having a hard time: I want a pony! And I said this forever without having any ideas about what the pony was, and now I do have ideas, but they are leading to me to believe that the pony is actually a clew.
Ponies, for me, have the qualities [+improbable] [+lovely] [+unrealistic] [+I have no control over this thing!] [+comforting} [+everybody wants one] [+most people can’t have one] [+surprising] [+companionable]
I would like this thing to have these qualities: [+surprising} [+lovely] [+I can always have it] [+so can everyone who wants it] [+comforting] [+I am loved!]
If I can always have it but I don’t always have it, then it must be hidden, somehow. Maybe it’s a surprise, or a secret? A secret message? A message in a bottle!
Messages in bottles which are floating to us all the time. I gwish for them!
Silent retreating this week, leaving a spray of gardenias in my wake. <3
Oh, flowers!
Let’s see, last week I wanted to break the routines (which I’ve done, and do and love.) And I wanted to double my fees. Which I did, and my monsters let me, but then they got nervous when I thought maybe we could tell people that the fees were going to go up in case they wanted to hire me before that. They thought it looked tacky (apparently they are big on decorum.) So, I didn’t.
This week:
I want:eh. Nothing.
It’s slack tide time.
Yea Flowers! Love flowers! They make everythign better! Last nigth i bought the PERFECT Halloween roses: deep yellow tipped in scarlet. They were called High & Magic! Gotta love it.
I recently asked for changing the narrative and LOTS of supprt has come up for that, as well as lots of resistance. So that’s a work in progress.
SuperPowers have been helpful, especially the SuperPower of Knowing what to do Next.
The husband’s recovery has been going well, and we are working MUCH better together. I’m relieved and much happier. Have to remeber the work doesnt get easier just becauise you hate it.
I’m doing a lot better well-tending: ear;lier bedtime (sometyimes), better food (sometimes), naps etc. Must increase this.
Into the pot:
-more Movement, how about DAILY movement?
-remembering all the benefits of being sober
-gratitude for everything and vocalizing the gratitude
-continued ans increased Clarity of the Next Thing I Need To DO