Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
Each week I write these Visions of Possibility and Anticipation to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.
I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!
Much like last week, I only really want one thing this week.
But I want it in a lot of different forms and aspects.
Wish: Peacefulness.
Here’s what I want:
Peacefulness.
It’s an odd little word.
And I want it in a variety of different ways. I want to become better friends with it, to have a better sense of how it can live inside of my body.
So. Here’s to peacefulness.
Peacefulness even while the entire country that I currently live in is caught up in election anxiety.
Peacefulness when I wake up in the morning. Even if the news is not the news that I want.
Peaceful resolution for the two painful situations I am currently in.
A peaceful way to write four peaceful letters that need to be written.
Peaceful places for a highly sensitive person like me to hide. Giant blanket fort!
Peaceful reintegration.
Peaceful ways to be a mermaid dragon.
The ability to say hard things in a peaceful way.
Ways this might work:
I don’t know.
Ten breaths. And ten more breaths.
Playing the game of “what’s true and what’s also true?“.
Doing the Conducting and Compassing capers that I taught at Crossing the Line.
Writing a love letter to the version of me who knows all about peacefulness.
Being conscious about my space. (Adding flowers. Again.)
I’m playing with…
Using the Great Ducking Out (announcement soon!) as a place to practice this.
Dissolving into peacefulness. Radiating peacefulness.
Asking smart, loving, curious questions.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
I wanted flowers.
This may actually be the most fascinating experiment that I’ve run in the Very Personal Ads.
I learned more about flowers this week than I ever thought possible, and it was cool and weird.
What I will say for now is that this wish helped me notice just how many flowers are already around me all the time. Flowers at Rebecca’s. Flowers on signs. Flowers in names of things.
Also it was much easier than anticipated to have flowers. I bought a bunch of tulips and then put one in each room. Everything was cheery.
Also it turns out that I do not leave clothes all over the top of my dresser when there is a vase with flowers on it.
Because everything looks festive and special, and I don’t want to mess it up. And since the ask about flowers was secretly about how I interact with my space, this was a perfect thing to experience.
There’s more stuff I want to say about flowers and things I learned about how great they are, but I will save it for some other time. In the meantime, appreciation to last-week-me for having asked. And for planting (ha) sweet surprises.
Playful playing. Shelter for the comments.
What’s welcome: Your own wishes, gwishes, visions and personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like.
Here or on your own or in your head. It’s all fine. Or call silent retreat!
I’m receptive to warm wishes for the things I’m working on and playing with.
If you’re looking for suggestions or heart-sighs or anything else related to your wish, you will need to ask for that because our default mode is giving each other space and spaciousness for the process.
This is a place of safety for creative play and exploration, with a very non-dogmatic approach. We don’t tell each other how to ask for things and we don’t give unsolicited advice. We make space for people’s wishes.
That’s it. Let’s throw a bunch of things in the pot!
As always, amnesty applies. Leave a wish here any time you want.
xox
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Oh, yes, peacefulness! I wish this for you, Havi.
This week, I’m intrigued by the notion of wrapping my gwishes in proxy and metaphor…
Here’s what I want: Many shades of blue.
Ways this might work: I gather more art supplies, and use them. I spend more time at the seaside, under the open sky.
I’m playing with: Aquamarine. Teal. Turquoise. Cobalt. Royal. Azure. Periwinkle. Navy. Midnight. Sapphire.
(Oh, and here’s a tiny blue alligatoroo: I am very receptive to having people remind me of other shades of blue!)
Peacefulness, mmmmmmmmmm.
Wishing you all the peaceful hiding places.
I read it like peachfulness first few times!
I want to remember that I am held. Into the pot.
Mm; peacefulness. Hand on heart.
What I want this week: Being myself, out loud. This comes directly out of last week’s asks. I realized that when I ask for people to interact with me in certain ways, I also need to reach out to interact with them. And that looks like being myself right now.
Ways this might work: Calling people on the phone, oddly. Getting grounded, over and over. Writing and shiva nata.
I’ll play with: Experimentation, curiosity, playfulness, and fun. And also maybe baking.
Hugs to everyone this week! (If you want them, I mean.)
Peacefulness, yay!
@Kathleen: indigo (Weirdly, I just heard Oliver Sacks describe the most amazing indigo visitation/hallucination on fresh air yesterday: is it a color or is it a state of being . . . )
This week’s VPA: taking care of my body amid extended displacement (still not home due to likelihood of more power outages. Drove 3 hrs to vote yesterday)
Ways this could work: lots of broth, not that many g-f bagels, sleep early, it’s okay not to do yoga, baths, it’s okay to mostly rest, vegetables, don’t eat the cupcake
I’m playing with: going way into the rest/slowing down (as a tricky way to actually speed things up.)
VPA2: write 2 hours a day
Ways this could work/playing with: can I write without a space during displacement or is it too much? Remember how fun it is to verbally explain this chapter when doom of its convolutedness hits. Shiva Nata on the resistance. I’m playing with not forcing ANYTHING
Oh, the biggest hand-on-heart sigh for peacefulness. This morning feels like the electorate is waking up after a party where we all stayed up too late and drank too much and said some really mean things.
What I want this week:
I.
To find either a local printer who can-and-will fill my unusual paper-cutting needs (ie to cut down 120 parent sheets for me AND to chop some text blocks) OR the time and energy to dash up to SF today and use the equipment at the Center for the Book.
Ways this might work: I might get a burst of energy around lunch time and run up to the city. I will call at least one printer this morning and might find one that way with the equipment and flexibility to help me out. I might decide that all of that is more work than just doing the cutting by hand at home while listening to my favorite meditative music.
I’m playing with: Coffee. Being open to making phone calls (time for some secret agentry, maybe?. Remembering that I do bookbinding because I love it.
II.
To find a path toward compassion for people whose politics I find mindbogglingly horrible. I have family who are at the opposite end of the spectrum from me, and it pains me so much to be reminded of where they are, I want a way to be okay with it.
Ways this might work: I want to get “You’re Not as Crazy as I Thought (but you’re still wrong”, a book I heard about on the radio, where a conservative and a liberal talk about and model effective, respectful dialog between opposites. I read an excerpt and it looks awesome. Also, I could practice loads of NVC with myself around this, since 90% of the hurting is coming from inside me. It’s not like my relatives are yelling AT ME, they’re just yelling into the void and I hear it because they’re doing it in public.
I’m playing with: being compassionate, including toward my politically-like-minded friends who are less than supportive about this whole idea.
For Kathleen: a few more shades of blue: peacock, slate, sky, and French!
Thanks to Kylie for the offer of hugs! (*savors*)
I want all parts of myself to act and inquire and brainstorm together for ways to create a more satisfying future for myself, especially about how I relate to my space and my livelihood.
Ways this might work:
The new therapist might prove to be a very helpful ally. (Note: a thing on twitter helped me find her, and I’m on twitter because the First Mate suggested it–I’m thankful for that chain of happenings!)
My new prescription might also turn out to be helpful.
I might see some things here at The Fluent Self or on twitter that would give me ideas for things to try.
I might try having a conversation with the fierce, stubborn part of me that is NOT a monster. And maybe also with the It’ll Never Happen monster part.
I’m playing with: taking very small steps. Taking a deep breath and remembering that I CAN do at least a little bit. Choosing to do that little bit.
Oh, and I hereby remind myself that all parts of myself are OK with aiming for all within-self-talk to be at least as mindfully loving as talk-to-best-friend would be.
Last VPA I printed out was on 10/16/12. Report on how that went:
– Exchanging mutual support via LJ with VickiB–YAY! This helps!
– Keeping a self-care spreadsheet feels kind of dorky but actually helps me quite a bit with taking my meds and supplements more consistently.
– I did not journal about what I was willing to play with re self-care during the time period in which I said I’d do that. I don’t think I got more sleep, either. But I’m now using the spreadsheet pretty well and tracking sleep there, so I feel OK about not doing the journaling. And possibly I’ll find ways to do better about sleep. Who knows? Maybe the schedule for taking the new Rx and the new supplement will help with that.
Good wishes to all, for wherever you need them!
Ending with a flower, at the link…