Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
Each week I write these Visions of Possibility and Anticipation to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.
I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!
Thing 1: No more drama, please.
Here’s what I want:
Well, what I would really like is for all the myriad tempests-in-teapots to calm down.
What does that mean for me? I guess I am asking for peacefulness and sweetness and perspective. Also that magical thing of how time-heals-all-wounds.
And since I can only work on the part that is mine, I would like to undo whatever relationship I have with drama.
I want to release any need I have in any part of my life to have things be fraught or tempestuous. I want to commit to living my life in an environment where the people around me automatically, as a matter of course, turn inward and work on their stuff when there is stuff.
Enough with the stirring up. We choose quiet sitting instead.
That is what I want. To be in this world where steadiness and peacefulness are important to everyone involved. To commit to this.
It doesn’t mean that stuff doesn’t go haywire, because such is life. It means that the people in my world are, like me, committed to getting quiet, turning inward and breathing, also in times of wah-it-is-all-haywire.
The qualities inside of the want:
Peacefulness. Spaciousness. Love. Presence. Patience. Sovereignty. Autonomy. Compassion.
Ways this might work:
Turning inward. Changing internal space through changing external space. Being curious, gentle and loving. Sitting shiva. Mourning and grieving. Rewriting the patterns.
I’m also open to some miraculous dissolving-of-drama all around.
I’m playing with…
Living by this.
Taking time for writing and processing. Taking it to the red rug, to the floor, to the ground. Reclining. Breathing. Dissolving and radiating.
Thing 2: Vibrant fiery orange.
Here’s what I want:
This is a wish about vitality and aliveness. And also about company, because there is a painful situation I wish I could talk about and I am not at liberty to discuss it.
I want [vibrant fiery orange], which is a stand-in for all of this. Vitality. Enthusiasm. For these qualities to show up inside of loving, private spaces where I can also talk things out. Ease-filled resolution.
The qualities inside of the want:
Vitality. Aliveness. Community. Comfort. Sustenance. Sweetness. Power. Presence. Appreciation. Warmth. Vibrancy. Courage. Strength. Companionship. Togetherness.
Ways this might work:
Actually, there are safe places where I can talk this out. That is important.
I can talk about it with Richard, Marisa and Danielle.
I can text with my former partner-in-crime.
Maybe it can become part of storytelling hour.
I can talk about it on the Floop if I stay inside of the metaphor.
Maybe I will call Svevo.
I’m playing with…
Finding this color of orange everywhere, and knowing that it is my ally. Being at the Playground which is full of orange, and also full of safety.
Remembering that I can also always talk with slightly future me. I am my own source of companionship and comfort.
Thing 3: The whisper brunch for the Year of Emptying & Replenishing.
Here’s what I want:
I am ready to whisper-tell people about the one-and-only thing that I am offering in 2013.
I want to quietly let this come out into the world with love.
The qualities inside of the want:
Rejoicing. Safety. Protection. Provision. Delight. Sparkliness. Radiance. Humming. Belonging. Welcoming. Sweetness. Courage. Presence. Permission. Ease.
Ways this might work:
I will tell everyone who owns the Gwish Kit because they get the lower prices and the best deal and the first look. I will whisper to the list of whispers.
I will dance and bounce and write it love letters and sing it little songs.
I’m playing with…
Delight. Knowing and remembering that I am being one hundred percent true to myself and to the mission of this ship. Crossing the crossings, opening the doors, stepping through.
Making this fun, for me and for everyone. Because even though yes, it’s a new voyage, it is a marvelous adventure under a sky full of glowing stars. Yes.
Noticings about the things I want this week…
I am really really really into sweetness. Sweetness and comfort, autonomy and freedom. And all three of these asks are actually about safe passages. Who knew.
Bonus wishes, please!
Some of these are secret agent code and some of them are things I’m silent retreat-ing on. Some are qualities that will help. And some are almost pre-wishes: tiny seeds for future processing.
- More people hanging out on the Frolicsome Bar — that’s what I call our Facebook page. Liking and playing. I want to play! Yay.
- Sparkliness.
- Remembering the compass.
- Postponing things that need postponing.
- Perfect simple solutions everywhere.
- Making a decision about the weekend.
- Wonderful surprises.
- Making peace with things. Having this happen in a sweet and mild way. See? No drama.
I’m playing with…
Trust, trust and more trust. Trusting more . No. More than that. Still more. Doing the opposite of my initial panic instinct, which is to turtle up and never trust anyone again. Hello, trust. Let’s start again. And if I can’t always do this? That is okay too. Safety first, sweetheart.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
I wanted my own personal Ducking Out from Thanksgiving, and I had Hermitsgiving:
Twas the afternoon of Hermitsgiving, and all through Hoppy House
Havi Bell was writing while being a cozy little mouse.
The scene: Fireplace. Rug. Cushions. Candles. Lamps. Mug of tea. Stuffed bear wearing a pig hat. Hot water bottle in lap! Also: Notebook.
So yeah, that was good. It was also really hard because of some PTSD stuff that showed up. But the plan itself was solid. I will make adjustments for next year.
Then I wanted all the closets to become not-closets, and it totally happened. Huge rearranging of the house!
I also wanted to write about a bunch of things and, amazingly, I was able to write about most of them.
And I wanted to make progress on the year of X and Y, and guess what? Very much huge progress yay.
Playing. Shelter for the comments.
What’s welcome: Your own wishes, gwishes, visions and personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like. Things sparked for your own process.
I’m receptive to warm wishes for the things I’m working on and playing with.
We ask for what we need, and we give each other space and spaciousness for the process.
This is a place of safety for creative play and exploration, with a very non-dogmatic approach. We don’t tell each other how to ask for things and we don’t give unsolicited advice. We play.
That’s it. Let’s throw a bunch of things in the pot!
As always, amnesty applies. Leave a wish here any time you want.
xox
Follow
Mmmmm, safety and gentle spaciousness for all the trust and all the safe passages, and for all the gwishes and visions.
My vision for this week: gentle entry, gentle exit
I’ve been practicing entries and exits for the past four days that have had a lot to do with managing phase after phase of change. I have been, astonishingly, okay with all this change, thanks to entries and exits and general awareness. Hooray! I would like more of this. Especially for the door to the next thing, which is much bigger, much more change-filled, much more charged with What Ifs.
In fact, there is a thing and a thing in silent retreat. I will call both Seattle. Actual Seattle, and silent retreat proxy Seattle.
Things about Seattle: gatherings of people, memories of Then, healing Then and also participating in Now, learning about what comes next, learning about self care and boundaries while distracted. Gentleness (thank you Havi, I am borrowing the superpower of this word, Gentleness).
I would like to come back from Seattle (physically and metaphorically) feeling intact, gentle with myself, absolutely ready to rest rest rest rest and integrate and rest some more. I would not like to feel like I am fleeing myself, or fleeing Seattle. I would like to think about this and find secret pathways that signal non-fleeing.
Other gwishes…
For B’s visit to end gently. For the mantelpiece to happen. For NaNoWriMo to end at the right time. For sweetness and rhythm. For ripening. For more pie crusts. For the rainbow calendar to keep working its magic. For beauty in the cold and the wet.
May it be so.
The gwishes that are also qualities:
What I want:
Release of what is not mine.
Rest and recovery.
Contentment.
Openings and openness.
Completions.
Clarity, including but not limited to clear communication.
What I will try:
Self talk.
Forcefields.
Using a timer.
Making lists.
Eating M&M’s.
Drinking beer while reading children’s books.
Looking for clews.
Safe rooms.
Singing.
Talk to Vica Pota.
My commitment:
To be gentle with myself.
To try things and make notes.
Wishing you all the qualities and that all the visions come true.
Oh I am here smiling a heart smile of appreciation for you, Havi Bell. Steady gentle sweetness.
Just some mini gwishes for me this week until I can get up to go to the computer.
Accessing the Tree of Life (no, not that one. The one from my vision several days earlier that happens to translate to the same words. But if proxy magic wants to occur, I’ll have some of that too please). Keeping the perimeter of the tree. Everything to the tree!
Bottles and salves! Warm water . Healing magics. Learning all the things about these bits and bobbles of nourishment and the qualities they hold.
Time with the fountain. All the sweet time to cry all the sweet tears with no need to justify or explain. Mountains of appreciation, honoring, gentle presence, depth, awe. And only from the fountain: words.
A configuring of all of this in the external world so that there is easy flow and love with S and R. Everything coming from the qualities.
My heart to the world. (I’ll be less cheesy some other time.)
Last week’s thing was about nourishment. I was indeed well fed, but I also ran into some stomach and skin trouble. At the same time, there were several stretches where I was so engrossed in my work that I didn’t want to stop to eat. And yet at the same time it was hard to throw out food that might have been the culprit for the stomach stuff.
So a Thing is recognizing the right amount of time and money to spend on the right things for skin and stomach and sightseeing and studying.
The qualities inside of the want: Confidence. Security. Comfort. Health. Radiance.
Ways this might work: Taking my time. Deliberate hiatus. Keeping itineraries and calendars simple. Asking more questions. Seeing errors/miscalculations as experimentation. Budgeting for experimentation.
I’ll play with: asking my own urgency monsters what is really true. Asking Scientist Me to mind the moat when urgency monsters from other realms try to get to me. Asking what those monsters are really after.
Bonus wishes:
* flashcards
* acceptances
* a new lode
Warm wishes to all y’all.
Oh my this week. I gwish for safety, speed, support, surprising peace, right choices, nurturing, ease, sleep,solutions.
Warmest wishes, thank you Havi
Sending warm wishes, and doing some visioning.
What I want:
Sustained forward movement. Like being in a 4 wheel drive truck going down a dirt road. And up it. Just keep going forward. Or maybe back a little to rejigger and then go forward. Feeling secure and safe with roll bars and things to hang on to. And excited by the fun journey and the sights to see.
Strong bones. I’m asking my body to do more now. Run further. Or farther? Run faster. Sometimes my bones hurt. They are growing new minerals and blood vessels. Grow, grow.
Throwing pennies in the fountain!
I’m kind of in a head-space where everything feels volatile and uncertain, and I don’t know where to start. So I will start with the simplest possible thing.
I want sheer curtains for my window. Colourful and ideally rainbow-y, made of different coloured strips – messy, playful, alive. Maybe even with little bells on them.
I want cute lingerie! For me and my partner.
I want the most perfect heels ever – comfortable and stylish and sassy-femme.
I want the most kissable, yummy, perfectly tinted, moisturizing lip gloss.
I want easeful release from the pain of X – to remember that now is not then; to remember that we are two separate people; to remember that I am not a healer, I am a friend; to remember that self-care comes first; to remember that sometimes relationships end, and that’s okay; to remember that I am not responsible for anyone else’s pain; to remember that it isn’t my fault.
I want to take the love and capacity for trust and being-together that I’ve learned in this relationship forward into the rest of my life.
I want some way to remind myself that there is a “rest of my life” – i.e. that there will be, at some point, restfulness and ease, and my life doesn’t end here.
I want the perfect pumpkin bread recipe (any suggestions for this would be wonderful, Chickeners!).
I want to be able to pull off the pumpkin cheese cake I have planned for the pot luck.
I want faith that things will work out, that I will find a life that works for me, even if I don’t know what it is yet.
I am meeting my partner’s family for new year’s. I want it to go smoothly. I want safety and sovereignty and loveliness.
I want trust and ease for this last stretch of school. I have done all the work, I have all the skills. I just need to trust myself and slightly-future-me and believe that I’ll make it out.
Thank you for the space, everyone 🙂
Oooh, I am growing excited for this announcement! And warm wishes for everyone! That is all.
Into the pot…
–Safe journeys of incubation. I think this may be the main thing I’m wanting right now. I am craving deep rest from now through Yule, and maybe even a little longer. I want it to be safe for me to hibernate and incubate, as much as possible.
–Protection, peace, and loving connection for my family as we transition into a (temporary!) new configuration.
–Personal steadiness as I work through my stuff on a number of fronts. Inner balance, vision, compassion. An inner treehouse of my very own, overlooking the water.
–Joyful, natural, authentic creative expression. Always.
So, more Flailing happened and that led to…more Flailing, and feeling better about where we are with Flailing.
My ask about people to play with, revealed that i am consistently blwoing off ME qhen it’s time to play with these tools. Treehouse Time has been Proven by Science to be helpful and worthwhile and not something to blow off. SO I should start there.
And Exiting the Day helps every freaking other thing, so that’s been good to know. And to do, and everytime i do it, the next day it becomes harder to blow it off.
OMG y’all, enough sleep is really wonderful.
Into the pot this week:
-the SuperPower of Following thru and Keeping My Word
-finding what is misplaced and not having to re-place it
-stepping forward into the ReDiscovery with an audacious and very sovereign and present Plan that leads to a Product. More Treehouse Time!
-continued releasing of stuff to get more space and ease and desires in. mOre letting go of what is no longer serving, more discernment about what those things are
-greatyer clarity as the Pieces Move Together
love and hugs to all, especially Rhiannon and the lovely Scarlet (both names I considered for my youngest child, that I LOVE!)
small, whispered gwishes today:
*that I keep drawing this week
*that I keep experimenting with morning rituals
*that I remember that comfort first! is always best