Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
Each week I write these Visions of Possibility and Anticipation to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.
I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!
What do I want.
So many things, and I do not believe that they are possible.
So really my wish is to believe that they are possible?
Or maybe my wish is to release the monster-rules that say Seemingly Impossible Can’t Be Wished For, and to make space for LEGITIMACY: all wishes are valid.
Maybe both of those things. And maybe the actual wishes themselves.
I am just going to name some of these wishes, and I am going to call them the Impossible Possibilities. Not because they are necessarily impossible (though they feel impossible), but to placate the monsters who want to make sure that I know they are impossible. Yup. I know it. It’s right in the name.
And then I am going to connect to the qualities inside of the wished-for Impossible Possibilities, to see what I can learn.
Wish: A reverse hearing aid!
People who are hard of hearing can wear hearing aids that help them hear better.
I am super-HSP, and I hear too much: everything is too loud for me to the point of being unbearable. I want a hearing aid that makes the world quieter so that I can function in it more easily.
Soft of hearing. The opposite of hard.
Monsters: That’s called ear plugs, you idiot, and you already have them.
Me: Just let me name my wish, please. Remember? We are in the wishing world now.
I want to be able to turn down the sounds around me. Not just with noise-canceling headphones. Not by moving to a tiny farm in Idaho. I want something that makes the world quieter. That’s what I want.
Qualities: Quiet. Steadiness. Comfort. Ableness.
Wish: The Best Lip Things In The World.
I used to have the Best Lip Balm In The World.
It was made by Alchemilla, and it cost what felt like an insane amount of money, but it was so substantially better than any lip balm ever that I didn’t mind. They went out of business with no warning, and now I am panicking.
I also used to have the best lip color in the world, made by Sephora, something in between a gloss and a stain, now discontinued.
I want new lip balm and new lip color and I want them to be AMAZING. Life-changingly amazing, the way my previous ones were.
(You are welcome to leave suggestions in the comments, however I will continue to believe for now that these other things do not hold a candle to my lost lip loves.)
I want to believe that there is something that can replace this perfect-to-me thing.
Qualities: Comfort. Support. Lusciousness. Rightness. Welcome Surprises.
Wish: MIRACLE
This is about the chocolate shop (proxy!), and being an Accidental Chocolatier.
If I must be a chocolatier, I would prefer to make pretty much only one particular type of chocolates. It can come in a variety of flavors but it is a type.
I would like us to be a chocolate shop that has no marzipan, and hardly ever makes pralines. For example. Okay, those aren’t chocolates but pretend that they are because I don’t know how this metaphor works because I don’t eat chocolate because I quit sugar nearly fourteen years ago, and this is partly why I am not that invested in being a chocolatier, but due to [complicated reasons] I have to be a chocolatier for the next year to five years. Exhale.
I am not sure if it is possible to make money as a chocolate shop that is so narrow in its definition of what it wants to sell but this is what I want. I want 90% of our business to be about this hazelnut dark chocolate laced-with-caramel thing that just about everyone ADORES. And I want this to be profitable.
I do not want advice on this. I want to believe that we can be a chocolate shop that does not appear to be a specialty-chocolate shop but actually we make all or most of our money on one particular type of chocolate that is pleasurable for us to make.
Qualities: Enoughness. Resilience. Miracles. Luck. Playfulenss. Expansiveness. Welcome Surprises.
What else do I know about this?
Impossible wishes scare me. But I also kind of like them because something about the impossibility is freeing.
I would like so many impossible things, and I would like them not to be impossible. Like, for people to read contracts.
And here are the questions I want to ask myself:
- What impossible things have already come true?
- What have I been wrong about (in a good way)?
- What if I am wrong right now?
- What can I do to get more of these qualities in my life?
- What if there are solutions that I can’t see yet?
In my experience, there is always another way. And, in my experience, I am usually not going to notice it and I have to remember that it is there.
Show yourselves, beautiful alternative paths. I am ready.
The qualities inside of the wants:
Last’s weeks work for me!
Possibility. Play. Presence. Pleasure. Plenty. Prosperity. Purpose. Palpable.
And the superpower of Really Good Surprises.
Quelle Surprise!
What might help?
Throwing it all into the pot. Wearing a costume.
More things that starts with an a.
What I want.
Some of these are secret agent code or silent retreat. Some are qualities and some are dreams. Some are re-asks and some are pre-wishes: tiny seeds for future processing.
- Progress on the ops!
- Miracles everywhere.
- The ballroom has its own magic, just like the Spiegelsaal.
- This doesn’t require my input!
- Ha, it’s so perfect that it turned out like this.
- Past me is a GENIUS.
- I sleep like the happiest baby.
- I have what I need, and I appreciate it.
- Hawaii.
- People are signing up for Rally (RALLY!), and planning the rallies is super fun and exciting.
- I can see why this moment is good.
- Trust and steadiness.
This week’s ops?
- The life of a Chocolatier, part deux
- If C is not just for Chocolate, then….
- Operation 19-1-75
- The MAGIC EIGHT BALL REASONS
- Operation A Loved Little Thing, take 4
- Mission: I Have A Vision!
- Mission Alimanator
- Operation BECKON II (Boring Existential Crisis in the Key of N)
I’m playing with…
Trusting the seeds.
Request!
Can you help support our magical Red Rose Ballroom by liking it on Facebook? And spreading the word about the Red Rose Ballroom to anyone you know who might want to run events or programs or parties in Portland?
Announcement!
Do you want to be on the STANDBY list for Rally?
There is a STANDBY list for Rally (Rally!)
If you have the availability to come at the last minute, we occasionally have super deals so get on the list.
Rally B is full, but get on the list so we can sneak you into a November Rally at a VERY discounted rate. Also, I was supposed to miss one of the November Rallies but things moved around, and I will be rallying it up for ALL of them!
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
So. Last week, aka yes, I would like to accidentally win some things…
It is hilarious that I asked to accidentally win things. I was thinking about things like marathons. But then I accidentally won a free night at a swanky hotel that day. And I accidentally won an eBay bid. And I accidentally won an understanding. So now I am giggling, and I want to notice more things that I am winning without realizing it.
And, again: big love to me-of-last-week for knowing what to ask.
Playing. Shelter for the comments.
What’s welcome: Your own wishes, gwishes, visions and personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like. Things sparked for your own process.
I’m receptive to warm wishes for the things I’m working on and playing with.
We ask for what we need, and we give each other space and spaciousness for the process.
This is a place of safety for creative play and exploration, with a very non-dogmatic approach. We don’t tell each other how to ask for things and we don’t give unsolicited advice. We play.
That’s it. Let’s throw a bunch of things in the pot!
As always, amnesty applies. Leave a wish here any time you want.
xox
Follow
Things are over. All but over. I have to put some curtains back and hand in the key, and then it’s done. And in the mean time people are looking after me, and it’s wonderful.
I have only seen one episode of In The Night Garden, so I apologise if I get any details wrong, but – it opens with a spiky-haired blue character called Iggle Piggle getting into a boat, lighting the lantern, taking down the sail, and going to sleep. And he gets there. That’s what I want this week. I want to go to sleep and wake up and find I’ve got where I’m trying to go. I want my ship to sail itself.
This week I have trust and security and kindness and warmth. I will have completeness and closure. I want rest and progress. I want to glow and sparkle; I want all the good stuff that is coming to me to shine back out to everyone else. I want a lantern. I want to be a lantern.
This has been my go-to lip stain-ish thing for years:
http://www.sephora.com/almost-lipstick-P122751
It’s very sheer so don’t be alarmed by the color.
Here’s a review with a pic: http://www.chasingelixir.com/getting-naughty-with-black-honey-clinique-almost-lipstick-spf15/
Though I’m sure it’s not nearly as amazing as your discontinued one. Plus side: it has been popular for years and years and years, so less likely to be discontinued soon.
xo
Love the name! (And adding it to my own list.)
I don’t have any suggestions for lip loves, but I am wishing the impossible becomes possible for everyone.
Oh, I needed this so much today,
“In my experience, there is always another way. And, in my experience, I am usually not going to notice it and I have to remember that it is there.” After two years of wishing this one wish and saying yes to all attendant practices and actions that could help this wish become real, I’m disappointed again. So my wish is for the superpower of knowing that the ‘nother way is here and I just have to notice it.
Thank you, Havi, I’m kazoo-ing in your honor.
Judy
If you are receptive to information about ear plugs, an HSP friend told me about a kind that turn things down without muffling them. But they are still things you have to stick in your ears, so please elevator shaft if not useful. (And if you are interested, I will find out what they’re actually called. Another friend is ordering me a pair, so I didn’t get the name.)
I somehow didn’t VPA last week. This, I suppose, is because I was in Boston.
This week, mostly I would like validation. I would like to write an article about what’s up with me and my business and why I think labels are awful and why I’ve decided not to decide, and I want people to yay and tell me that they would hire me for any/all of the things and they think it’s great that I’m not deciding and just being all the aspects of me, in the world, in the best and brightest way I know how. I am going to play with asking for this in the post I am writing.
I am also going to ask right here… if anyone would care to say anything like “Completely legitimacy to not-deciding” or “You can be all the things!” or other sentiments of support for not-choosing as a valid choice… that’d be great. And maybe in the Floop.
That’s mostly the thing I want. I am letting it percolate.
Labels *are* awful, and limiting In A Bad Way, and in my experience, tend to confuse the issue (whatever it is) anyway.
Lately I’m doing things (or drawn to doing things that seem to be, yes, impossible) that I don’t have any way to explain to someone else why I want to do them. They don’t seem to fit with my life, at least from the outside. And yet… they *feel* right. That’s all I really *know*. From past experience, I also know, it’ll make sense … later.
I can’t quite figure out why other people think it needs to make sense *now* *before* I do it. But that’s just me.
Anyway, hugs (if you want) for Not Deciding.
Complete legitimacy! Not making a choice is valid, oh yes it is. I have some permission slips over here for you, if you’d like. 🙂
I have thoughts about this but will save them for some other time and place. For now, You Can Be All The Things!
Oh, and thank you for VPAing “impossible-possibilities”.
It’s given me the courage to do some “wishing of the impossible”.
Because… when don’t wishes feel impossible?
Into the pot:
What do I want?
* to be so OK about various buses blowing by where I’m currently sitting that I am not wasting time wishfully studying the schedules or fares, or packing bags for trips currently trumped by other priorities
* for my sweetie to recover completely, and to recover our losses
* to do no harm. To not only stay safe, but to support everyone who matters to me appropriately and beautifully and competently, current exhaustion and rage notwithstanding.
* to get in better shape
* to hear from people I have reason to hear from
Qualities of these wants: comfort. sovereignty.
(I want a fuzzy pillow and a tiara! 😉 )
And health. And security.
What do I know? That our friends are wonderful. That my man is amazing. That my experiences of surviving 80-hour work weeks and keeping vigil for the dying are helping me stay glued together now. That I am a steel peony, and thus damn good at doing what needs to be done, and often doing it well and with style. (And that Past Me did right to save all those safety pins.)
Warm wishes to all y’all.
Wishing impossible possibilities for everyone.
Still moving the pieces up. They are all in a car traveling together, because they are all connected.
This week I went to places where you can see all of the amazing things that come out of people’s brains. And it blew open the doors of my brain in the best way possible.
What I Want:
Silent retreating on this because I want it so much but can only see it in my mind, not write about it here. Welcoming wishes for it. It is a possible possibility!
Havi, may I just say that the phrase “hazelnut dark chocolate laced-with-caramel thing” is basically the best thing I have ever heard, I would buy it in chocolate form or any other form. Part of your magic is that your people find you, because you emit a specific kind of awesome that somehow attunes (kind of a woo-woo word but it doesn’t have to be) to ours. I’m not sure how to put my thoughts together, but I believe in your vision for your chocolate shop, and I can’t wait to enthuse with you when it’s time.
I’m silent retreating on my VPAs, but I’m going to plant some seeds here.
Pleasure.
Newness.
Sovereignty.
Courage.
Leveling up.
Transformation.
Relief.
Sweetness. All the Sweetness.
Some of this week’s Ops and Activities:
Op Wellness
Op Pack-It-Up
Op Wardrobe
Op Shop
These and other ops are basically around the family wedding we have to attend next weekend.
Except for Op Wellness, because that is about MrB’s health thing, and is something I would be asking for regardless of what the week brings.
That “superpower of Really Good Surprises”! That so perfectly describes what I need this week and next.
Last week’s asks included vermin eradication and prevention, learning more about Presence, and the Ops of Tiny Sweet Thing and Deep Red Notes. Despite obstacles, and there were many, they did happen, progress was made, and I want to keep them on the list for this week’s ops so I can continue to make progress on them.
Into the Pot!
Two things:
1. When the chocolate is good, I only want ONE kind. One kind, and it will keep me coming back. xoxo. Yer chocolate is GOOD.
2. I had the best lip balm in the world. My dad used to send me a box of it every Christmas from Boulder. Mountain Ocean’s Lip Trip – it’s made there. Or maybe it’s no longer made in Boulder but some Other Country where, um, regulatory and investigatory functions are slack. I don’t know, but one day last year that lip balm turned on me, and my lips blew up.
As in watermelon size.
And when I went to the doctor, she said, No more lip balm. Ever. Petroleum jelly, three times a day, that’s it.
It’s funny how repellent I found this order. Petroleum jelly?! BLEARRRRGH. But OMG: perfect!
I just tried putting coconut oil from Trader Joe’s on my lips, because I’ve gotten all weird about putting non-food things in an area I apparently lick all day. It smelled like Hawaii and all things wonderful! (I don’t know if the shine is glaring or it doesn’t do anything balm-y.) Better than olive oil.
Wants (mmmm) plus “beautiful alternative paths” had me reading “beautiful alternative pants”. Yes! It’s just one guy, wearing swirly orange parachute pants.
I want:
-more of the play and sun and productivity of the last few days
-feeling productive
-feeling enough
-the rose-colored glasses of: “of course that needs to be done and probably will if/when it’s important”
-a soft back
Oh YES for impossible possibilities… Havi I too have hyper-sensitive hearing, and when there are too many noises from too many sources I can’t hear anything but a wall of noise and it HURTS. Probably someone has mentioned this to you before but could you have hyperacusis? – Turns out that’s my problem and the lovely people at the hyperacusis network sold me a ‘pink noise’ CD for $10 that helps your brain rebuild your noise-filter. I’ve been using it for a year and it’s really, really worked. Now I can go to cafes that have more than 3 customers in them, and even the cinema on a good day! Might help?
http://www.hyperacusis.net/hyperacusis/home
(and if you DO discover a reverse hearing aid, I want one too!)
xx
This week, oh this week. I want sunlight and safety. Soups, solace and sovereignty. Sleep, serenity, and softness. All the S things to get me gently through this week.
Lip balm!!! By Thera Neem Neem Stick Lip Therape
Used to have it at Whole Foods…It is the best.
Pssst! I am here, gwhispering my gwish to the sky, sending affection to one and all.
In the realm of gloss/stain lip suggestions… I really love YSL’s Rouge Pur Gloss Stain. Beautiful colors, feels good, not too full coverage – but it lasts. Super yummy luxe-y as a bonus!