Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
Each week I write these Visions of Possibility and Anticipation to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.
I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!
What do I want.
I want pop-up shops in the Ballroom.
I want people to rent out the Red Rose Ballroom for holiday pop-up shops.
Is this really what I want?
I don’t know. Yes and no.
I want fun, creative endeavors. Daytime activities. Things that run zero risk of getting a noise citation from the city. I want a thriving, happy ballroom. And lots of people coming to see it, and maybe they will want to hold their event or class or workshop in the ballroom too!
I want that feeling of POP!
And I want to know that my ballroom is helping. That this space I built is the perfect simple solution for someone else’s problem.
What else do I know about popping?
Snap, crackle, pop! Excitement!
Mushrooms pop up! Good surprises pop up! As does popcorn. Pop-up books pop up, and they are the best.
When popping, what kind of popping is this?
Thriving.
This is about thriving.
It is also about possibility.
And fractal flowers. And ease.
What will help?
Having a talk with Hopeless Me who only sees all the ways everything can go wrong.
Making a safe room for the me who lost the magical bookshop.
Playing with the process this week at Rally (Rally!).
Taking lots of baths. Waiting on decisions. Letting more information reveal itself.
Doing things that POP.
Enjoying things that POP. Including bright fall colors. Crunching leaves. Eating popcorn. Wearing costumes.
And I will talk with my friend Mary about doing a pop-up shop in the Ballroom, since she is losing her shop next week.
Anything else?
This is definitely related to my current bout of Feeling Numb About The Chocolate Shop, which is related to Feeling Numb About Portal Land.
I am also noticing all the moments where I do not feel numb. Like when I think about Mary’s shop.
I feel very passionately about Mary’s shop. Actually, I wish I felt that passion for my chocolate shop.
And I feel very upset about her eviction, and about the way the city is changing.
Also I am noticing that I think that closing the shop will be good for her. So I am feeling upset and hopeful simultaneously, and these are not mutually exclusive.
It is interesting to feel This Is Wrong and also This Is Right at the same time, and to have them both be true.
This is also how I feel about my (proxy!) magical bookshop that I lost. So many tears. But/and: That was a good thing too.
Is there anything I’m not saying that I want to say?
POP! POP! POP! Up! Up! Up!
Popping is a beautiful vision.
I want the Ballroom to thrive. I want it to be filled with aliveness and vitality. I want this quality of vitality to be a reflection of everything in my life.
I want to be a bell of VITALITY and ALIVENESS.
The qualities inside of the wants:
Let’s see.
Possibility. Play. Vitality. Aliveness. Thriving. Delight. Flow. Popping Up.
And the superpower of Suddenly This Is True!
Also I just noticed that popularity, a word that I normally am not drawn to, has POP inside of it.
POP! I would like this for the Ballroom too.
What else do I want….
Some of these are secret agent code or silent retreat. Some are qualities and some are dreams. Some are re-asks and some are pre-wishes: tiny seeds for future processing.
- Progress on the ops!
- Miracles everywhere.
- The ballroom gets bookings left and right, and this is a healing for the Spiegelsaal.
- This doesn’t require my input!
- Ha, it’s so perfect that it turned out like this.
- Past me is a GENIUS.
- I have what I need, and I appreciate it.
- Hawaii.
- The Thanksgiving Rally (RALLY!) gets two more people, and this is right.
- I can see why this moment is good.
- Trust and steadiness.
- Ten weeks of wishes.
- A foundation of foundations.
This week’s ops?
This week is all about Operation Beckon — Boring Existential Crisis in the Key of N.
I will also look at the following:
- The life of a Chocolatier, part deux
- If C is not just for Chocolate, then….
- Operation 19-1-75
- The MAGIC EIGHT BALL REASONS
- Mission: I Have A Vision!
I’m playing with…
Trust. Trust. Trust. Napping. More trust.
Request!
Can you help support our magical Red Rose Ballroom by liking it on Facebook? And spreading the word about the Red Rose Ballroom to anyone you know who might want to run events or programs or parties in Portland?
Announcement!
There are two spots in the Thanksgiving Rally, which is my favorite Rally, and we are offering a crazy deal.
Get on the STANDBY list for Rally (Rally!)
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
So. Last week, aka soft of hearing and other impossible possibilities…
I didn’t find a reverse-hearing-aid, but Sarah mentioned hyperacusis, and that was incredibly helpful. It brought up lots of memories of the inner ear infection that messed up my life in so many different ways. And it turned out that having A Demonstrable Medical Thing was enough to convince the monsters that really powerful headphones and pink noise are a reasonable investment.
Though we had to rename headphones because monsters think headphones are Frivolous and Indulgent, so now we have Headspace Protectors. To protect our headspace.
I tried Maryann’s lip thing, and it is Not Horrible (thanks, Maryann!).
And everything else is ticking along. I will let it percolate and see what happens.
Big love to me-of-last-week, as always, for knowing what to ask.
Playing. Shelter for the comments.
What’s welcome: Your own wishes, gwishes, visions and personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like. Things sparked for your own process.
I’m receptive to warm wishes for the things I’m working on and playing with.
We ask for what we need, and we give each other space and spaciousness for the process.
This is a place of safety for creative play and exploration, with a very non-dogmatic approach. We don’t tell each other how to ask for things and we don’t give unsolicited advice. We play.
That’s it. Let’s throw a bunch of things in the pot!
As always, amnesty applies. Leave a wish here any time you want.
xox
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I thought I was the only one with a Hopeless Mee. I suppose Hopeless Mees can’t hope that there would be someone else like them. And my Hopeless Me appears to be kind of a snob thinking that he is the most Hopeless of All The Mees. I think my Hopeless Mee misunderstood the directions on the headphones he heard about and he put them on his eyes. And then turned the pink noise up to 11 so that the Curious Mee is having difficulty getting his attention to show him some cool stuff. Maybe the Hopeless Mee just needs some properly fitted headphones and an eye shade and a small nap. And maybe some cheese and crackers.
So, my visions for last week were for things to keep moving up. And for that other thing.
But the thing is, the Hopeless Mee was in charge for a long time and he left the records in kind of crappy shape so now that the Curious Mee has taken over she’s having difficulty interpreting the spreadsheets to know whether things are getting better or not.
So, what I want is for the Curious Mee to be able to PRETEND things are getting better. To look at each new report and curiously find the tiniest bit of goodness in it. To peer through the telescope and delight in whatever it sees. To do the OPPOSITE of whatever it is is that the Hopeless Mee would have done in the situation. Because while the Hopeless Mee has many good qualities, steering the ship is not one of them. And besides, I think (no, I know) that the Hopeless Mee is tired, and just wants to be below deck for a bit.
Because the thing is, this journey is a long one. And it’s been rough. And the deck hands are getting scared, and the passengers are getting nervous and the seagull on the mainsail post isn’t sure of things and what they really need right now is for the Curious Mee to just be certain that there are good things. And that there will be better things.
Oooh, you are so right. Bringing in the Curious Mee! I am joining this mission.
What do I want: for folks to adapt, remix, and bounce off my poems at the Poetry Storehouse
What else do I want: to play with other people and their stuff — but to come to terms with other things being ahead in the queue for the extended near future
And what else do I want: fixes. Of the wobbly stool and the burnt-out light and the gap in the fence and the grime on the chandelier and the things that have the alert-lights going on the stove and the dashboard of my car.
And what else? To deal with crap with efficiency and savoir faire. I mean this literally, since I have to haul the dog to the vet this week.
What will help?
*more water
*staying warm
*phoning ahead
*monster-proof permission slips
Hey, what?
Those slips. Coming up with some kind of material impervious to monster slime or spit.
OK. Gonna play with: inviting abundance and assistance and alternatives. With ampules of syrup at hand to turn the ludicrous fear popcorn into alpine-branch decorations…
Warm wishes to all y’all. May there be awesome aliveness all around!
This comes at exactly the perfect time, because I have *just* realized that a huge list of things I absolutely thought I wanted are in fact things I in no way want.
So now…I want different things.
Mostly I want to know more about what I want.
I know it’s about exquisite solitude. Adventures in solitude, rest in solitude, and putting resources into solitude.
What if I had an entirely new vision of Where I’m Going and it was about investing in solitude instead of investing in company? And what if this got me more of “th essence of the ask” for company, somehow?
Popping! It’s also a dance style…
This week I am asking For Things To Work. Meaning for them to function properly. Like when you press the ON button, things actually come ON.
I am also asking For Things To Work Out Smoothly. For what I need to be at hand when I need it. For obstacles to move out of the way. For the wallpaper to stick to the wall.
And I want Sleep and Rest. In the amounts I need them.
And there is a category of Helpful Person that I am having trouble finding. People keep telling me I need one but when I ask one to be Helpful To Me in Resolving An Issue, they recommend that I find someone who can Be Helpful in Resolving that issue, and they don’t recommend any individuals. I am asking for one of them to Appear.
And, even better, for the need to disappear.
On my recent trip, I had the Superpower of Helpful People Everywhere. I’d like to find them Everywhere at home too! Because I can use help with more things than one.
Cheers for just the right two friends finding their way to your Thanksgiving Rally. Rally!
What I want this week. And in some ways feel desperate for…
Friendliness and safety. Especially at work.
Is this really what I want?
I really want to not have to go back to work anymore. To have the courage to quit and go find something else and know that I will be okay.
I want strength! Yes. That’s more what I want. When I want safety, it reminds me that there is something to fear in some way. Something I need to be safe FROM.
But if I am strong and I have strength, then I can do anything. And that’s what I really want! To be strong enough to do what I really want to do.
What else do I know about STRENGTH?
It’s something that improves with practice. And it’s something anyone can have — even if they start out as being weak. It’s attainable and doable and possible.
It feels like health. It feels like fitness. It feels empowered.
My friend who is a bodybuilder also inspires others to help them become stronger. Being stronger can be easier with a coach. Someone cheering you on.
There’s inner strength and outer strength. I need mostly inner strength and some outer strength
What would help?
Keep going to yoga each day after work. Sweating reminds me I’m strong.
Lifting my dumbbells.
Wearing my invisible super hero cape at work.
And letting my inner secretary tend to emails from my boss instead of me doing it directly.
Yeah – my inner secretary JANE screens my emails and only gives me the best and most useful ones. The others she handles very professionally – but most I don’t need to even know about.
Metaphor Mousing my job and my boss.
Qualities of my want?
Speed please.
Steadiness. Feeling grounded. And sure.
Confidence and sovereignty.
Super power I want:
Happy and Good No Matter What … and Life is Good.
So glad I wrote this out. Feeling much better before I go to sleep. xo
Pop, pop, pop! Reminds me of blowing bubbles! –@ 0 o 0 * 0 o *
Three things I want this week:
1. To weather the experience of being sick without turning it into a story about how “this always happens” or how “it wouldn’t have happened if I just washed my hands 5902543 times more often” etc. This is me. Feeling gross. Acknowledging the awful part of feeling sick. Noticing that feeling sick does not cause the anxiety – I cause the anxious part. Liquids, nutrients, rest and gentleness.
2. We are still in all-hands-on-deck mode at work. The storm has abate slightly, but we’re not out of danger yet. I want the physics-defying skills of an acrobatic sailor: swinging through the rigging to release a rope there, battening down the hatches there, and doing it with the kind of cheerful determination that experienced seamen (seapeople?) have. Steady hands, one move at a time, don’t let go of the rope!
3. I’m into the home stretch on my project, and it’s getting harder to keep going. Me-from-then is collapsed on the couch weeping because THEN was just so awful, and she’s convinced that if we peek into that time, the dark things will come back and eat the present. I’m asking for a negotiator (Can Robin Williams be my spirit animal?) to help me with this. Playing with all my tools, even when monsters grumble and think they are “unproductive”, will help.
Updates on last week’s asks: I asked for sunlight and it was foggy all week instead. 🙁 I did have soup (butternut squash and apple..mmmm) and I managed to find or create safety in a few situations where it was needed.
Into the pot…
…my Rally-at-home mission: B is for Body!
…my body of work.
…scary form.
…scary phone call.
…a new home, in the right place and time.
I’m playing with the cat in my lap, at the moment. And behold, it is good.
*Glows love at all the visions and Visioneers*
Inspiring bits: apple soup! blowing bubbles!
What I’m noticing about that: Comfort, newness, simplicity, play. These are qualities I’m wanting this week!
What I want: To close all the the tabs I’m not using right now.
Very much literal, and very much a proxy.
Things I’m playing with: noticing tiny things. playing with mini things. qualities of spaciousness and focus and coziness.
What I want: Technology and me. We do not always play well. To nonsensical degrees. Phone not charging properly, or unless corn is wrapped a certain way. Internet shuts off for 15-minute chunks without warning (and I am way too frustrated about it, so I’m throwing that into the pot), or flicker just for a minute or two but it makes it impossible to watch a Netflix episode without it pausing once of twice. It’s such a first-world problem that it’s not even worth complaining about, my monsters wish to state. So I will silent retreat and find a more sneaky way to think about this. Probably involving fairies.
*blows kisses to all who want them*
CORD. not corn. though this does provide a new avenue for a proxy….
Lovely lovely Havi, so much of what you do here has been so incredibly helpful to me, it gives me a big smiley feeling to think I may have offered something that might be a teeny bit helpful back 🙂
Still looking for those reverse hearing aids, though…
xx