Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.

♡

What do I want?

There are a lot of post-it notes in my life right now. Not literally, though also.

A lot of things that are reminders and placeholders, so many that I don’t feel like looking at any of them.

These are all doors. I want to either close them or pass through them, so that I can move forward to new and better adventures.

What do I know about this wish so far?

This has to do with clarity, getting clear, being willing to see what is. Eliminating as part of illuminating. Also, trusting that seeing can’t hurt me.

Trusting that seeing can’t hurt me.

Anything else?

This wish is related to ordering all the ops. Looking at my projects, and allowing all the parts and pieces to reconfigure into a new order.

And this wish has to do with letting things go, and saying thank you. Thank you for having been. Thank you for leaving. Thank you in advance, new things coming in. Thank you for this moment of goodbye.

What else do I know about this?

A year ago I was saying lots and lots of goodbyes.

Right now I am saying one goodbye, but it is a goodbye not just to a person/relationship, it is a goodbye to a whole way of being. It is a goodbye to agreeing not to see things that are uncomfortable.

Where do I want to start?

I was at the Playground this morning, getting things ready for Rally (Rally!) this week, and found these awesome colorful thin foam sheets in the arts & crafts section.

There is enough room on each for one big post-it and one small one.

I took six of these and turned them into Mission Cards.

Each mission has to do with closing a door, and opening up new possibilities.

Each card has a big post-it with the name of the Mission or Op. And a small post-it with a list of Cornish Witching Undergarments aka tiny first steps. And then on top of that is a second small one with one tiny step, the only thing I have to do for now.

I am going to use these six missions as my practice this week.

Here they are:

1. Operation K Has A Crown.
2. Operation Flippity-Wah!
3. Mission of the One Wish.
4. Operation Solve for N.
5. Operation Jazz Hands!
6. Mission: Emptying To Let In The Light.

Here’s how I’m playing.

Through setting clear intentions. And doing this with Playfulness.

Like how when little kids set up the world they’re playing in. “Let’s say the kingdom ends here! Let’s say people can fly! But only over the part where the ground is lava!”

Let’s say….

• Each mission is a door and a passage.
• Each door I close activates a new opening that brings good into my life.
• These missions are fractal flowers: working on each piece helps all the other pieces, and also has a positive impact on all the other projects and missions not represented here.

• These missions can be fun. I can smile. Everything in my life supports this.

What else do I need? What will help?

Playmates, of course.

I can play with this on the Floop in the Deguiltified Chicken Board. I can text Agent Em Dee and ask her to partner with me. I can use the Frolicsome Bar (our FB page) to play. I’m really noticing how much I want company with this today.

How does this relate to Releasing?

That’s the superpower in the Fluent Self calendar, June is the month of Releasing.

All Past Pain Is Transformed Into Jewels.

Closing doors: definitely a form of release and letting go, as is writing about this as the rain pounds the roof.

Letting the light in through new openings is going to help reveal the jewels. Closing and opening is part of this process of things transforming.

And, I hope, working with these six missions will shed some light on the bigger mission: learning how to treasure myself, being more of a resonant bell, taking exquisite care of myself, being a source of peacefulness in the world.

What do I want to happen next?

Light the candles. Dance the songs. Share things. Undo old stories. Remember that no one caused me pain in this breakup: someone decided I would be a good way to cause pain for himself. I can make this about me when it’s not about me, and generate more pain. Or I can breathe peacefulness into the world. Option B is better.

Talking to Incoming Me about this…

Me: I am feeling pretty overwhelmed. So many mysterious projects, ops and missions, so many steps!
Slightly wiser me: You are a genius, my love. You are the Bun Vet Assassin (anagram for business savant)! You are so much fun. None of these things is against you. Each of these things is for you. You can’t screw this up, because Nothing Is Wrong and All Timing Is Right Timing. Remember, everything is an illusion, even the projects. They are just filters to show you what your stuff is. So you can do this with play, curiosity and delight. Or you can do this with dread. Jump in and out. Learn. It is all okay.
Me: How do I remember this?
Slightly wiser me: Take conducting breaks. Ten minutes on the floor, eyes closed, breathing. Feel the floor. Smile. This is the most important thing you could be doing write now: feeling the floor and letting breath move through you. Nothing else is as meaningful as that. Stop pretending it’s the other things that are more important. One day this will become natural, in the meantime we are practicing. I love you.

Let’s use last week’s compass of treasure:

Peacefulness. Safety. Ease. Shelter. Freedom. Release. Glow. Wild.

Anything else? Starting points?

Keep connecting to Incoming me. Skip stones as often as possible. Writing and Righting. The sweetest ship. Dance. Fiery red lipstick. Eight breaths. My body gets the deciding vote. Thank you in advance.

What else do I want?

• Everything is easier than I thought, and look, miracles everywhere.
• I have the best time dancing in my ballroom.
• This doesn’t require my input!
• Ha, it’s so perfect that it turned out like this. Past me is a GENIUS
• I have what I need, and I appreciate it. There are resources to do this.
• Trust and steadiness. I can see why this moment is good.
• Hawaii. Possibly Hawaii is not in Hawaii. Ohmygod I think I might know where it is!
• I am fearless and confident. I do the brave things and it is not even a big deal, and I still get sparklepoints, yay.
• This week’s ops: Solve For N, K has a crown, This Is The Ship, Queue it Up.

Clues?

“You always feel it but you don’t have to fear it.”

A line from Sherlock, about pain.

Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.

So. Last week, aka A New Remembering…

I am feeling much better this week. The new passcode to the phone is in my head. I edited all 184 pages of the Book of Xs and Ys, it’s ready to go out! Operation Koi Fish was a success, as was the Cornish Witchery Upholsteries of San Miguel IV.

Also, I remembered something Briana said once, some book she had read, I can’t remember, someone had said that everyone you meet reveals himself to you in the very first encounter.

For example, you go on a date with someone and he says, “I really love my mother.” And then later you find out that no, he really, really loves his mother, and will side with her on everything always. Your new boss says, “Punctuality means a lot to me”, and later you realize it means more to her than anything else.

The first night I met the Spy, I went to put his number in my phone, and as I was keying in the passcode, he said, “I won’t look”. I thought, that’s an odd and unnecessary thing to say. There it was.

None of that matters now. What matters now is that I made the right wish last week: a new remembering. It is working in ways I hadn’t expected, and this is good. It’s all part of my bigger wish to take better care of myself, to delight in caring for myself.

Attenzione! Attention, AGENTS.

I wish to whisper a whisper about the Monster Manual! It comes paired with the world’s best coloring book, which does so much monster-dissolving magic that even if you wait to try the techniques, you’ll still feel better about everything.

Self-fluency is hard enough, we need ways to to interact with the thoughts-fear-worry-criticism that shuts down creative exploring. And when people get the manual, I am able to me spend more time writing here. So if you don’t need help with monsters, get one for a friend. Or plant a wish that someone gets it for you! And bring people you like to hang out here. The more of us working on our stuff, the better for all of us. ♡

Keep me company?

Consider this an open invitation to deposit wishes, gwishes, personal ads. In any size/form you like, there’s no right way. Updates on past experiments are welcome too, as is anything sparked for you.

Commenting culture: This is safe space for creative exploration. We are on permanent vacation from care-taking and advice-giving. We are here to play.

Let’s throw things in the pot! And: Amnesty. Leave a wish any time you want.

xox

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