Hello, week: we are here.
Wow what a week, what a time to be breathing, let’s breathe.
{a breath for being here when we get here}
Thank you, week!
This is the 413th week in a row we are chickening here together!
What’s been working?
Each day I have been taking a piece of paper and drawing a line down the middle. It looks a bit like a pros-and-cons list but it functions more like a ritual of introspection.
One side is NO / GOODBYE / ELIMINATED and the other is YES / WANT / ILLUMINATE.
Then I scribble whatever comes into my mind. This brought a surprising amount of ease, focus and clarity to my week, as well as some unexpected and enlightening intel, because sometimes (most of the time) my desires are not apparent to me until I ask….
I might try…
I like this part because asking what I might try seems like the least judgmental way of naming what isn’t working.
But I’m starting to see some secret magic here. I state what I want to try, then I forget about it, and then it comes true, if not always in the way you might expect.
Last week I wanted to try “remembering sooner that Shit Is Not About Me”, and I am pleased to report that despite the absolute flood of no that came my way this week, I did in fact remember each time that it was not about me.
Now I’d like to try treating any half-yes as a clue, and releasing any need to keep poking at it to see if it might turn into two-thirds yes.
Naming the days.
These were the days from the week of reveling in freedom and breathe more light…
Choose ease more. Take time and luxuriate. Solstice stones. I treasure myself more. Start fresh. Extra light. Newness embodied.
Upcoming biopic if it were based on this week…
That’s Hilarious That You Think You Have A Plan
8 breaths for the hard, challenging and mysterious.
- This week was so full of no, ohmygod. It was just no, from all directions, everything was no for me and everything was saying no to me, and oh man, this giant funk of no. A breath for remembering that no is a beacon, and also for being able to laugh about this, because that helps keep it in perspective.
- Like a rat in a lab pushing for food pellets, I pushed at the lever of every partial-maybe-yes just in case there was a responding pellet, even though I didn’t want those pellets anyway, and then almost forgot not to take it personally when there was nothing there. A breath for the work of dismantling old patterns.
- Portland: It’s A Trap! Each day this week I planned to be at the coast by the end of the day, and each day something prevented this from happening, which of course worked out beautifully, but for a while I was wondering if I was actually in the movie Groundhog Day, or maybe that part of The Truman Show when the whole town conspires to keep our hero from exiting the island. A breath for wild trust and for interrupting the interruptions.
- I woke up this morning with the very clear knowing in my body that getting online was a terrible idea, more so than usual, a towering formation of fear energy that so clearly was not mine. I could feel it and see it, like a tornado in the distance that I could choose not to approach or interact with, but I still didn’t know what it was. So I texted friends to find out what happened, and they were like, yes you are correct do not go anywhere near social media, and that’s how I learned about Britain exiting the European Union. Let’s breathe. May both the great fear that led to this and the great fear resulting from this be met with something stronger. Something new can be channeled here, I don’t know how to name it yet but may we all have the necessary steadiness and grace to breathe. Breathing powerful peacefulness, powerful clarity, whatever is needed. Let us gracefully decline to contribute to the energy tornados of isolationism and panic (and worse) and in the world, and breathe. A breath for the world.
- Where do I want to live? How do I want to live? What do I believe in? What is supportive space for a Havi? What is yes? In what ways am I not in fact being true to myself? These are the questions that emerged from shmita, and no wonder I was so completely terrified for so many years to even face taking time off, because yes, these questions are intensely disruptive, they lead to uprooting. Not to mention all the monstering about ugh how can you be almost forty and seriously have no clue about what you’re doing or where to live. I mean, that’s the rigged game that wants us too busy working-and-striving to even hear the questions. I am aware of the enormous quantities of magic beans that allow me to investigate this. And I appreciate brave past-me who was so steadfast in her commitment to her own path; in addition to massive good fortune and privilege, I can also thank her that at almost-forty I am miraculously without obligations: not bound to people or location. I do not have to drive anyone to soccer practice, I don’t need to feed anyone but me, and so here I am with these big wild questions and the privilege to consider them. And it is scary. I am at home at this edge, I am grateful for my freedom, and also: nothing like facing the great echoing void to see the appeal of distraction (see: pellet-pushing), any distraction at all to not sit with these questions. A breath for listening with love.
- I have been dimming my spark. I have been compromising on things that are hugely important. This is very apparent right now, and it is useful intel, and it is also amazing how long it takes me to notice. A breath for rewriting old patterns.
- The eternal conundrum of I find the internet exhausting but it’s where my job is. I tried to solve that with moving into real space, first the Playground (my retreat center), then a larger experiment that was ahead of its time and became a metaphorical chocolate shop instead, and what I learned is that I don’t ever want to carry overhead again. A breath for a perfect simple solution that supports quiet receptive bell state.
- Inhale, exhale. May all misunderstandings and distortions, internal and external, dissolve in love if not in laughter. May peacefulness prevail. Trust-more love-more release-more receive-more. Goodbye (and thank you), mysteries and hard moments of this week.
8 breaths for the good, reassuring, delight-filled.
- This was an absolutely magical week. Everything I asked for — luxuriating in taking time, releasing the worry patterns, finding joy in small pleasures, serendipitous encounters, reveling in freedom, all of it happened, and all the surprises were the good kind. A breath of delight in being alive.
- Thanks to last week’s wish, I understood that each no that came my way (and oh were there a lot of them, a constant barrage of no everywhere I turned) was secret treasure. This is the thing past me has been trying to explain for years about how I only get gifts and miracles, but I didn’t really get it before. No set me free this week, and that is in fact the job of a no, and I was able to see and feel this in action. A breath for this new understanding.
- Ever since the time in my life when I was [between homes] for many months and sometimes slept in the park and experienced huge terror, my biggest fear has been repeating this in any way or even being reminded of it. And now I am okay. I mean, it’s not just that I am okay, because I was okay before. It’s something much deeper than that. My body understands that I am safe now. So we are between homes and on the road and okay with it, because hello to this grand adventure, and it doesn’t bother me. The fear is gone, the deepest fear. A breath for the miracle of this. I’m not saying the fear won’t return, but if it does, it will be different and my relationship to it will be different, because now I know what life is like without it. Gratitude.
- What a wild week of wild gratitude and wild revelations. Just breathing it all in. Full heart. A breath for this breath, and everything I do to stay centered in this.
- Yes, there is still great joy in discovering that I know what I want and what I don’t. A breath of quiet trust.
- Enormous incoming sweetness from the beautiful faraway cowboy who is so good at glowing love for me in a way that I can feel without being overwhelmed by it. A breath for receiving and connection.
- I found a way to escape the fourth of July and remove myself from the triggers and the war zone of fireworks. A breath for being someone who practices self-treasuring more actively than ever before, I am learning to prioritize my well-being in a way that used to not be available to me because of fear and monsters. A breath for this new way.
- Thankfulness. Treasure in the form of a surprise miracle on the exact day it was needed most, a delicious Sunday night ritual that depends entirely on happy accidents, making it to the coast which is where my quiet is and where my words are. Everything is okay and so much is good. Nothing is wrong, even when I want to believe it is. Now is not then. All Timing Is Right Timing. Thank you for this grand adventure. A full breath of deep appreciation in my thank-you heart.
Superpowers I had this week…
Last week I asked for the powers of standing tall, deeply engaged with life, surprise ease, and taking exquisite care of myself for no reason at all, and amazingly (again!) I had all of that. I love how this simple practice of naming superpowers wows me each week and each time I forget all over again.
Powers I want.
More of the same please and also the powers of Actively Choosing Peace and Quiet, pre-emptively advocating for myself in all things, and deep healing through lusciousness.
The Salve of Healing Through Lusciousness.
Many many things in life are or can be healing, but a lot of them hurt. And sometimes our culture tends to value the ones that hurt. This is a salve for the kind of deep healing that happens with gentleness, permission, ease, softness-and-softening, and, yes, lusciousness.
This is salve that holds the magical qualities of the most perfect bath imaginable. It is reiki-infused everything, it is spells written on the body with light by someone who loves you unconditionally, it is immersion and releasing and being drizzled in oils, or whatever form is right for you to receive this.
Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!
This week’s band is, of course:
A Giant Funk Of No
Their latest album is That’s Probably A Terrible Idea, and this band is just one guy.
Announcement time….
More to come soon, but I left the monster manual in the place that used to be the the shop. So if you missed the closing of the shop, there is still something beautiful for you!
How was your week?
Come play in the comments. Share something from your week, take a breath, or just say hi! No rules, my format doesn’t have to be yours, we’ve been doing this every week for years now and there still isn’t a right way.
Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We lovingly refrain from giving advice.
And of course it’s always okay to comment under a made-up name, whether for play and delight, or in the interest of Safety First.
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — jump in whenever you like. Blowing kisses to the Beloved Lurkers too!
Follow
Not being on social media is the only way to do this week, I swear. I haven’t touched it since Thursday afternoon. I have my own stuff about this, but I’d rather it were my own stuff. I don’t want to be anywhere near either the crowing or the woeing.
– a breath for peace
– a breath for love
– a breath for we are all human
– a breath for hope
– a breath for trust
– a breath for moving forwards
– a breath for not knowing
– a breath for being where we are
What else?
Other things happened this week. Sitting on the beach (and being vaccinated against social media). Our rule change went through (and I wrote most of one of the speeches in favour). New dresses arrived. A walk by the river. Catching up with old friends. Meeting my godson.
From a few weeks back: one of those ridiculous Facebook memes, where you work out your XYZ from your birthday (where XYZ is Christmas elf name, or wolf name, or whatever) – XYZ was what you were going to do in 2016, and mine was ‘Transform into the Declaration of Independence’. I think that might be a clue. This week, I’m suspicious of it, but I think it still might be a clue.
oh, this week has been so much the funk of no. I’m trying to keep rising, but am afraid I am sinking instead.
a breath for… breathing and for not evaporating into nothingness.
Hello week that was!
Some hard things included
– the same growling, boring conflict pattern flaring up between my mum and me. Short lived, I hope.
– feeling inspired again enough to follow my curiosity about Things That Might Be Useful To Do In My Life (this is a good thing) but the time does not seem to have come yet where I put these things into action. So, on the outside, things remain the same.
– defending boundaries, AGAIN. I am willing and able and unafraid to do so. It is tedious though. I am still attached to the idea that one day it won’t happen any more?
– that might sum up all the hard things. I am attached to the idea that one day things will be easy and I’m not sure that’s a helpful idea.
– yeah, i really wanted to discover something different to what I seem to have discovered after all my schpiritual searching, something that would make it ALL WORTH WHILE. I feel disappointed in that desire right now, and that is hard. Of course, I’m going to discover that this is treasure, so I may as well assume it is. Still, right now, this part is a bit sucky.
Some good things included
– Leah Helen, welcome to the world sweetie xxxx
– my good kids are such good kids
– new motivational trick that might actually work to get me to do what I want to do
– walking practice is happening
– I am in cahoots with an Agent to have a confab soooooooooooooooon after years and years of not having any confabs
– tidying up the playroom and happy to report that the jolly selma flies again 🙂
LOVE to everyone
xxxxxxx
Oh my gosh, Claire, thanks for reporting on the jolly selma! *joyful bouncing!*
I am grateful for my freedom, and also: nothing like facing the great echoing void to see the appeal of distraction (see: pellet-pushing), any distraction at all to not sit with these questions. A breath for listening with love.
Yes, this. Thank you for glowing that insight.
May both the great fear that led to this and the great fear resulting from this be met with something stronger. Something new can be channeled here, I don’t know how to name it yet but may we all have the necessary steadiness and grace to breathe. Breathing powerful peacefulness, powerful clarity, whatever is needed. Let us gracefully decline to contribute to the energy tornados of isolationism and panic (and worse) and in the world, and breathe. A breath for the world.
May it be so. I join you in this breath.
About each No being secret treasure, it occurs to me that my landlord of has-it-been-20-years? may be a treasure of No-clues. That may be very valuable info, this coming week. I’m not sure what to DO with that info, but the possibility of treasure feels opening to contemplate, where opening is the opposite of confining.
A breath, a deep breath, for freedom from old fears, and a Heya of reverence for healing.
May Good come from this. May we each find our next step, and may we each cherish and care for ourselves as bravely continuing travelers on our roads.
I see that HTML italics code didn’t work to set off quotes, above. Another time, I might try quotation marks! *slightly rueful smile*
Superpowers I would like, this week:
Practical Equanimity,
Sense of Humor and Perspective,
and
Willingness and Ability to Make Wise and Beautiful Transformations in My Surroundings!
MAY IT BE SO <3
Hard
1. [ . . . ] immense frustration
2. the last 20%
3. the first few days
4. still unsure
5. all the usual things
Good
1. presence
2. wanting
3. awareness
4. change!
5. little things that work
Another moment is free
I am so grateful for all of you <3
Breathing support for you in whatever way you may wish to receive
Hello Saturday Chicken.
The Hard:
A client with a lot of stuff to carry, and she wants me to help her carry it, but I can’t. I can just point out things she can put down, and things not to trip over.
Sometimes I think about the train to Bolivia, and how I never got there, and how it’s probably too late.
The Lovely:
Learning how to use a compass. This is not a metaphor. That spark in my brain when a thing that wasn’t there before was born. An actual lightbulb.
Came home from a day in the woods to find an email from the client firing me. Both better off I think.
Two nights at home. Space.
Bed before dark. Light.
Oh my, “pellet pushing” COMPLETELY clicks it into place for me, thankyou! Wow. Crazy insightful understanding. Much gratitude to your Illuminations, Havi.
The Grim:
~ my mother’s mortality
~ family responsibilities outweighing capacity
~ black ice (both a proxy and not)
~ fragile bodies
~ being away from those I badly crave to be close to
~ being terribly good at Eliminating, to the point of Fear about being left with Nothing–so then trying to reverse my No, which naturally doesn’t work *sigh*
~ global fear clashing with ignorance and reactivity making for a scary world
The Magic:
~ neighbours who crazily seem to adore me and keep me in their thoughts, both popping over, texting, and what seems numerous Things–wow!
~ being so deeply trusted, even in horridly precarious situations where mistrust reigns–this means the world to me
~ switching patterns that aren’t working for me (may I keep to the path I so desire!)
~ being guided by Integrity and That Which is Healthy–enormous Gratitude for this
I might try:
~ being aware of Pellet Pushing…and desist!
~ remind myself that No’s are runway lights
~ Prioritise Bodily Nurturance, including reserving extra energy to go to the market, prepare the crazy amount of vegetables, organise a massage, etc–instead of throwing it in there with the rigged list and finding I’ve run out of time/energy
Hello Chicken and Chickeneers everywhere!
Hard stuff:
–There are some very persistent Doom monsters hanging around these days.
–There are times when I think that all the choices (as in, major life decisions) are stupid ones. Sure enough, this is Doom Monster mayhem.
— Money money blah blah blah
Good stuff:
–Birthday! Presents! Cake! Lovely surprises! Kindness at every turn!
–Cozy times with people I love.
–Free online retreat that is feeling like a treat.
–Enjoying my work. What treasure this is!
This week, I had the superpower of Remembering to Rest. Next week, I would like to have the superpower of All Of My Choices Are Brilliant!
Lighting my candle, and sending love…
Extra birthday superpowers and wishes to you, Kathleen!
The strange thing is, I’ve also learned that I have been dimming my spark in a lot of situations where I did’t think I was. How I found out? Monday did somehow become an occation of 100% sparkiness and love, and it was the most amazing thing I’ve experienced in years. My whole being yeans for more of this.
The Hard
– wrapping my head around Superman/Clark Kent.
– noticing spark-dimming habits that are deeply integrated in my way of life, as a safety mechanism.
– boundaries
– all the talk
– My beloved dog is ill. And she is THE DOG, I’ve known her for a decade <3
– too little sleep
– leather rainbows
– return to safety
– snouts
The Good
– For each day of stuck, I've had one day of marvel.
– I am human too
– Rainbows, unicorns and connection
– SPARK
– noticing patterns
– did I mention rainbows?
– the minglaba-project is coming to an end
– free coffee at the Opera – yes, it was a thing
– snouts
– hugs
– being able to notice "i've just been triggered" moments before they escalate into absolute numbness. – seriously, that's a superpower!
<3
-o- for your dog, health and love
and a bone if she likes o=o
Words I appreciate today:
there is still great joy in discovering that I know what I want and what I don’t. A breath of quiet trust.
Actively Choosing Peace and Quiet
deep healing through lusciousness . . . is reiki-infused everything, it is spells written on the body with light by someone who loves you unconditionally, it is immersion and releasing and being drizzled in oils . . .
<3 <3 <3 <3
This week I would like to try the list of NO / GOODBYE / ELIMINATED and YES / WANT / ILLUMINATE. And of course, that could also be the list of Not Exactly the Way its Gonna Happen. But that is ok!
I love this idea, Havi, and it’s especially great for me for two reasons:
1. It’s very un-the-buddhism-I-was-taught
2. It’s very simple, and I’ve been doing a LOT of thinking about simplicity, and how I don’t need ANY MORE TOOLS. I need like, maybe three or four tools. I really just want to stay awake for the YES and the NO.
xoxoxo
Oh, that salve. Freeing up a wish that I’ve been resisting / not fully conscious of, even though it is a crystal clear part of one of my favorite superpowers. Silent retreat for now, while I absorb this new awareness.
This week: big success, big exhaustion. Recognizing the improvements I’ve made in certain patterns, and trying to appreciate those improvements, while also seeing how *very much farther* I have to go in undoing the patterns. Pondering Claire’s wisdom (thank you, Claire!): “that might sum up all the hard things. I am attached to the idea that one day things will be easy and I’m not sure that’s a helpful idea”… I want ease, I am definitely attached to the idea of ease, but maybe the perspective shift I need is that “things” will not be easy, but there can be more ease in how I respond to things, in how I navigate the world…? Will let that percolate.
Breathing love and light for all who want it… <3
Oh, that’s a great way of repositioning the quality of ease! Thank *you*! Cxx
I wrote my chicken offline and suddenly it seemed like it would be official only if I pooblish them! So here is my chicken and then we will shake the dust off our feathers and start a fresh new week of glowing beauty, sunshine (the view from my window: sunny day, leafy green trees, bits of the neighbors houses) and blissful quiet.
If I post this, then the magic of asking for superpowers and then forgetting about them and then having them come true — that will work for me too. Yes, I am being superstitious.
Hard:
– husband on 44th day in hospital; an end is in sight but it involves nursing home rehab and/or too much work for me and we don’t want him to go to nursing. A breath for the perfect simple solution.
– my mother seems to be declining again; not long out of the hospital
– major Iguanas and their guano around MrB’s responsibilties that I must now shoulder
– more pressure to put him in a nursing home.
Good
– remembering to take time for self care: chiropractor, good food, naps, time away from the hospital
– remembering that things are good, despite the hard
– remembering
– the return of the glow
This week I want to superpowers of Speaking So That People Listen And Respond, of Knowing How To Do Things and Remembering To Do Them, and of Asking For The Right Things.
What beautiful superpowers <3 and wishes for perfect simple solution
Glowing love and appreciation for Havi and all the fellow chickeneers.
How about a non-binary chicken?
– I am playing with this idea of “I do not need to rush or control the way and speed at which Incoming Me is, well, Incoming” i.e. “just BE”. Sometimes I am so eager to drop some of the pain that comes with being Current Me (legitimate!) that I end up gwishing what amounts to gwishing I were someone else, with a different set of superpowers and pains. Because I somehow imagine that that would be better. Well… with all the love and legitimacy and permission for feeling that way, because it’s the most normal thing in the world, I would like to gently ease into the idea of I Love and Adore My Particular Set of Grace-Simone-Specific Superpowers and Pains, and The Way I am Right Now Precisely Is Gorgeous and Worthy of Adoration.
– I was processing with Agent J and there was a spark of “wait how am I, in any way, less worthy of immense, unquestioned respect and authority than Anna Wintour.” A metaphor, but not a complicated one. I hold my head up so high and walk around like I am God’s gift to earth AS ANNA WINTOUR WOULD, because if she does, why couldn’t I, how is she more of whatever than I am.
– I have this love right now, that goes from the-deepest-ever and the-sweetest-ever, feeling like I could just lie down there and take the world’s most languorous-sweet-magic nap, to juuust out-of-reach and impossible and doomed. I cannot help but experience this love as both ecstatic and terrifying. I’m going to go with “that sounds perfectly normal and understandable given reality and circumstances” but I wished to experienced all the ecstasy and tingle-joy and heart-sighing-sweetness without the fear and pain, and certainly he seems to experience it that way more than I, and that is hard. I gwish for clarity, trust, DEEPER TENACIOUS LOVE, and for my wisdom about the situation to change as it does.
– Trust, trust, trust. So much is not only good but downright goddamn miraculous, and this silence is full of treasure. All of my past pain nourishes the bloom of my joy today.
How do I know if my No is actually a No, and not a Yes masquerading as a No because of monsters? I have this Swap-portunity that feels like it *could* be a yes, because it relates to an old wish of mine. But it also feels like a no, because change is hard and scary for me. What can I ask the versions of me that could help me figure this out?
This week I would like the superpowers of I Have Plenty of Time, Finding Clues Everywhere, and Gentleness With Myself.
Love and light to you!
Mmmmm these superpowers are the best. MAY IT BE SO. I am glowing support and love for all the versions of you, and for all the wisdom they have to reveal! <3 <3 <3
ps I know that this space has become a great success (to me, by my personal definition) by the fact that people come here ask these beautiful amazing questions of themselves and not of me! I can't think of anything better than being surrounded by people who know they have versions of them with better and more relevant answers than anything I could give! This is the best gift ever and the best subversion of the internet culture of "experts"!
A reflective chicken – like made of chrome. No, The Reflective Chicken! It’s an award for Something! Maybe Most Improved Monster. Awarded at the Monster Ball (at the Producers’ Playhouse at 1 Imagination Boulevard, of course). It makes Dancing’s disco ball and that gold guy look tacky. Or maybe on display because I won it for Something.
Or maybe it’s a Monster Pool Ball – oh yeah! With synchronized swimmers. And glass sides with mermaids, fish, dancing pilot whales and orcas. And pool tables.
I mixed the salve into my daily moisturizers so I Quested in Unreasonable Luxury this past week. I am awaking to wonder this month.
Hard – The Weather Monsters Who Have People, on TV, even. I can adapt to the heat. It is how people lived before air conditioning.
The Monsters who say that I’m not getting things done. But I do get/am getting things done, just forgetting the sparklepoints.
The Turkish soap opera with English subtitles that I was watching on the internet was pulled due to copyright infringement. I hope the rights holder can translate my e-mail and that there is a Perfectly Simple, but Not Expensive solution.
Good – Oh, I hope this is The Job for The Dude. Interview inconclusive.
Cabaret (church fund raiser) proved Ha! Ha! Although I’m in the choir, I’m So Not a Performer. I rock Silent Auction sign-ins and selling raffle tickets, though. And thanks to Kathleen Jowitt who donated a signed copy of Speak Its Name.
Coming Attraction – Up! Up and Away! In a beautiful balloon. It will be crossed off my life list thanks to the Silent Auction. Probably in my Questing Lee steampunkish gear.
Just Was – May. I named it Bouncing Wild like the ping-pong ball experiment illustrating a nuclear reaction. It went Splat.
And Just In…..what if all the Splat, all the sleeping, all the forgetting that I have been Getting Things Done is part of The Plan?! (My face likes this thought.)
Hugs to the Max.
Most welcome xx