And all I got from learning things the hard way was this lousy t-shirt.
If you’re not up to speed, I just got back from four wild ragtag days in Austin, Texas, where I was supposedly attending that one internet conference.
I have a conflict here. On the one hand, I have a vested interest in not boring the hell out of you. Which means I probably shouldn’t keep talking about SXSW.
On the other hand, you know I always tell you what’s on my mind … and what’s on tap at the moment is about a hundred ideas, thoughts, wonderings and insights. All of which (sorry!) have to do with the crazy four days I spent in Austin.
So here’s what I’m going to do. Quick verbal snapshots of some of the stuff that’s percolating in my brain right now, and we’ll see how it goes from there.
People are intimidated by my duck.
This was definitely news to me. I tend to think of us as being fairly approachable.
One of the things I learned on this trip, though, is that there are a number of people whose fear of meeting me actually outweighed (or nearly outweighed) their desire to meet me.
Nothing could be more surprising to me than hearing from one friend or another, “hey, I just ran into a huge fan of yours and said you were right over here — and then they freaked out and ran away“. Weird, right?
I get how awkward and potentially uncomfortable it is to march up and introduce yourself to a semi-stranger, especially one you madly admire.
I mean, I’m the one who spilled water all over Derek Sivers.
It’s just that … I’m really, really nice. My niceness is not even “oh, that’s my brand” or anything creepy like that. It’s really me. And my duck is even nicer.
No kidding. Everybody loves Selma.
So I had a lot of trouble wrapping my head around this. That there were people excited/terrified to meet me — people I was totally cool about meeting and talking to — who ran away.
I have no idea what I’m going to do differently now that I know this — but this was definitely the big surprise of the whole trip.
Fear: it lives in televisions.
In Austin I was mostly hanging out with my friends and colleagues who, like me, are fortunate enough to (knock on keyboard) not be affected much by the current state of the economy.
And at the same time, I had a number of conversations with other people about to launch a new business or break out on their own, people who are so capable, talented, and inspirational that their chance of success seems — if not inevitable — then at least a pretty safe bet.
But their anxiety about the economy is keeping them absolutely paralyzed.
There is an economic crisis. Obviously. But some of us are are soaking in this atmosphere of crisis, and the rest seem to be immune to its effects on our mood and well-being.
So I was puzzling over this, and then I was sitting in the Dallas airport and I felt myself also sinking into that awful, dark “everything sucks” depression. And then I noticed that there were television screens everywhere.
All you could see and all you could hear in all directions was doom doom doom.*
*Like the dodos in “Ice Age”. Doom on you, doom on you!
Oh.
I don’t have a television. So I’m not breathing daily infusions of hyped-up horribleness.
No wonder everyone’s scared. Of course they are.
Television* is a 24-hour fear generating machine.
*By “television” I’m referring specifically to the genre of “news infotainment”, yes?
I’m not saying stuff isn’t going seriously off-track in the world these days, because it is.
It’s just that it’s not always the economy. It’s just that fear is the greatest cause of stuck. It’s just that the people who could totally be doing amazing things and making money right now are just kind of treading water.
Kill Maim your television.
Next year in Greece.
I need to make a confession. I just spent four days at an internet conference and didn’t actually go to it.
Well, I was there. But I didn’t attend a single panel. Not one discussion, not one keynote.
Not just me. Naomi, too. That might have been my fault. Possibly.
At first it was just because I was having too much fun. And then it was because I was meeting people and making useful connections.
And by the end, it was kind of “well, I’ve come this far”. Like, attending an actual event would be over the top.
I talked to so many people who did a. pretty much the same thing, b. almost the same thing, or c. wished they’d done the same thing.
So I’m thinking … these completely fascinating conversations with like-minded thinkers, helper-mice and fellow goofball entrepreneurs were so valuable and so inspiring that I can’t wait to do it again.
Just maybe not at a convention.
What I really want to do is hang out more with Naomi and Pam and Chris and Nathan and Sonia and Colleen. So now I’m thinking Greece.
I hear you don’t need to wear a lanyard with a nametag to get in.
But if I were going back and I didn’t already have people to hang out with? I would plan plan plan. I’d figure out exactly what needed to happen to hook up with my people from Twitter. I’d be Karl, who made it really easy to say yes to having lunch with him. I’d be Sarah, who went out of her way to make me want to meet her.
Which reminds me: we need to talk about how to stalk people in style without being creepy.
How to stalk people in style without being creepy.
I actually have quite a rant on this, but I know Naomi will be covering that subject this week.
I will say this, though:
Imagine that you are me, and there are a hundred people who want to meet you.
Or, better, imagine that you are Chris Brogan and there are a thousand people who want to meet you.
Now imagine that you’ve received — for the purposes of this experiment — ten text messages. Nine of them go like this: “Hey, are you around? I’d really like to meet you. Where are you?”
The tenth one says “I’m at _____________ at the corner of X and Y from 2 to 4 today. Amazing people here. Would love it if you dropped by.”
Which one are you answering?
There you go … free business advice. 🙂
That’s where I’m at.
No brilliant conclusions or anything. I’m just sitting with all of this, and watching it sift through my sleep-deprived brain. Getting excited about where I might take these ideas, without having to take them anywhere just yet.
I can definitely say that I’m happy to be home. And even happier to be here. I missed you guys.
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Havi, welcome home!
I can feel your enthusiasm and creativity fizzing like champagne–makes me smile and sit up straighter just reading your blog post. 🙂
Greece–love that glint in your eye, and can’t wait to see what you create next.
As for Fear: In the past week alone, I’ve had several conversations with clients, friends and colleagues who are feeling scared and isolated. Many of them have no reason to feel this way–they’re doing better than fine–and they’re confused by this pervasive dread that they’re experiencing, that doesn’t make sense in terms of their own lives.
But there’s an ambient mist of fear all around. By being aware of it, we can separate it out from our own inner experience and not take it personally. People are often astonished to discover that when they say goodbye to fear that isn’t their own, what remains are their true feelings. Optimism. Buoyancy. Creative fizziness. Faith. Crankiness, maybe.
Love your story about the text message that calls your name!
Again, welcome home.
Love and hugs, Hiro
Hiro Bogas last blog post..Creative Connection: Where’s Your Muse When the Baby’s Spitting Up at 3 am?
I’ve been reading this blog for months, but half the time I start wondering who Selma is. Oh, the duck. Duh!
Not one panel? Then you’ve just admitted the whole thing is a boondoggle. I’ll be phoning up the IRS so none of you people can write it off. Ha! (yes, I’m a little jealous)
Joe Schmitts last blog post..joeschmitt: For the record I pronounce Favrd like Brett Favre’s last name, except with a D. Anything else is just ridiculous.
If I’d been there, I would totally NOT have run the other way when someone pointed you out. I love Selma 🙂 Probably would have slunk up and hovered shyly though. Just sayin’.
Plus? awesome advice on the stalking. Again, I’d have shown up at the corner of X and Y.
OK, done w/creepy stalking now 🙂
(PS – I’ve sent your Twitter demystified and debunked post to a lot of folks lately – thanks!)
karma_musingss last blog post..Twictionary …somebody totally beat me to it!
I am among those people DYING to get my own thing going but have been a bit paralyzed. Much of that has been fear about the economy and the future. Sad. Very sad.
The good news is, as of last Saturday I’ve cancelled my television service. If the whole world collapses, I’m sure someone will get around to telling me about it.
It’s time to get to work on my thing.
I’m so glad you mentioned how to stalk people without being creepy. I’m a known people stalker (in spite of my fear of rejection). When I discover that I want/need to meet someone, I will stop at (almost) nothing to make it happen. I’ve found that even with toe-numbing, stomach cramping fear of rejection, I feel even WORSE if I let an opportunity to meet a cool person go by without doing something to take advantage of it.
Fear is good until it stops you from doing what you need to do, then it is bad bad bad.
Aren’t the best conferences the ones that aren’t all about the panels? I’m glad you had fun!
awesome awesome advice and funniness and sweetness and quirkiness — i sure have lots to learn about being a good stalker so, for now, I’m happy to be way over here in Boston reading your blog and taking crib notes up and down my arm, about to move on to the soles of my feet (not that anyone gives a rat’s behind if I cheat!). I guess I’m just saying that I am one-lucky-girl that you and selma are in my world.
And, what the hell: I’m at Starbucks in Davis Square in Somerville MA … surrounded by quirky dear human beings in the flesh and blood. On my left is a brick wall filled with huge photos of artists and singers in a beautiful array of expressions. There’s an empty chair with your name on it right across the table and it matters little that your actual body isn’t here. You are. xo
Heidi Fischbachs last blog post..in which my wise self laughs in the face of paralyzing fear. The nerve!
The television advice is very sound. Seriously, the thing is just a vector for anxiety. “Here, let’s collect all the human misery we can find and then pour it all over you. Enjoy!” Between the Maury show and what passes for news, I’m suicidal in about 8 minutes. Ptui, I say.
Sonia Simones last blog post..Obey Me or Fail
I know you don’t watch TV, but maybe you’ve heard enough here and there to know what I’m talking about. Your experience at the convention reminded me of the show “Seinfeld” . . . a show about nothing (and yet totally about how people are). I can imagine you, your duck, and Naomi just having a blast and not going to anything until it eventually became your “thing.”
Yeah, I’m the one who compared you to Sheryl Crow a month ago. Sorry to be so media-centric. But the point is, it’s actually really inspiring. I worry so much what I (and my blog) are about, yet you’re able to avoid that whole thing. Even you said you don’t have a niche . . . and yet you do, it’s all of us who are inspired by and to some extent wish we had that “nothing” thing going on too.
Terry Heaths last blog post..Winning the Game
Hi Sweetie,
I’m glad to hear that I’m not the only one to go to conferences and not go to panels or KEYNOTES for goddess sake!!! And I always lose my name tag within the first 10 minutes so I can’t officially get into anything, anyhow. Greece, huh? Sounds very, very nice and relaxing!!
I don’t know if the economy is or isn’t happening although at this point I seem to be doing OK. For which I am very grateful. And I don’t have a television either.
Of course I still feel the fear cause it’s impossible to not be more than a little disconcerted about all of the crazy upheaval that is shaking up the world at large. But it doesn’t seem to be a reason to not forge ahead with my biggification plans. The way I look at it it will either work or it won’t. That’s not up to me to decide. It’s just my job to do what I can do and to do the best that I can. The fear is ALWAYS there anyway.
But thanks for the reminder and the inspiration.
And if I had been at sxsw I would have very happily stalked you and Selma and Naomi!
That would have been so much fun!!!
Hugs and love,
Chris
chris zydels last blog post..CATASTROPHES R ( NO LONGER) US
I totally agree with you about TV. We have one only for watching DVDs. When I occasionally watch TV elsewhere I find it very strange and almost sickening for the most part.
I’d add news in general, unfortunately. The other day we turned on the radio news and I burst into tears about 30 seconds into the broadcast. The “If it bleeds, it leads” approach to news just breaks my heart and tunes me out.
I wish I could have made it to SXSW to meet so many fabulous folk in person. A get-together in Greece sounds wonderful!
Tzaddis last blog post..The Ivy Project at Stanley Park
Wait–you gave TEN people your personal, private cell phone number?
You are a whole nuther level of social.
I am for the private event, for sure for sure. There is a little group whose annual gathering I’ve dropped in on before–in Portland! which I loved!–and which I’ll be dropping in on again this year. It’s just good.
I do see the value in SXSW, but maybe for me it’s because my worlds don’t usually collide so much. It’s like I have all these groups of friends with very little overlap, or where *I* am the overlap (not that I’m significant, just that’s how it is). And yet, for as divergent as these groups are, they all seem to like SXSW.
So there I am.
Although a second, alt-gathering of some type also sounds dandy.
If I hauled my ass to Portland, you’d make one…right?
the communicatrixs last blog post..Lessons from SXSW: Why I go, and why I keep coming back
People are intimidated by Selma? Really? But she’s such a cute duck. Ever since I started reading your blog, I figured you must be a down to earth, cool, my type of person if you have a duck, because a jerk wouldn’t have a duck. Would they?
Riins last blog post..Like I’m not already a picky enough eater
Tzaddi, I’ve had that happen to me too, NPR will run something and all of a sudden I have to pull over because I’m crying too hard to drive. Stupid news. I’ve gotten very handy at switching the channel for certain kinds of stories. At least NPR doesn’t actively try to hurl the misery bombs at me before I can duck, unlike a lot of the local commercial stuff.
Sonia Simones last blog post..Obey Me or Fail
There was a conference there this past week, wasn’t there? I was glad for it, because it filled in the time between sunny patios, pizza & beer, and long walks and talks with awesome people.
So glad I was able to see your wonderful self again, your delightful duck, and finally meet the stupendous Gentleman Friend.
Superb.
Funny, my list of People To Hang Out With is pretty darn similar. (:
It was lovely spending time with you and/or near you at SXSW. It sure beat the heck out of panel-hopping, that’s for sure! (:
Paces last blog post..Book Bonanza Wednesday! Chapter 10: Fierceness
@Joe: You said boondoggle! And yeah, I got more business-related stuff done this past week than in the past six months. But I can see how it seems like the world’s biggest scam. Next year you’re coming to Greece.
@Jeff: You said stupendous! And yes, it totally was.
@Sonia: You said misery bombs! I’m with you on the NPR thing. It’s the only way I get my news, but even that I find too be way overboard with the emotional manipulations.
@Riin: I certainly hope that a jerk wouldn’t have a duck, because that would make me look bad. No, Selma is a total sweetheart. You are correct!
@Chris: I’m glad somebody else loses their name tags. So embarrassing, but still better than wearing some fluorescent lanyard around my neck!
@Terry: I love Seinfeld. So there. That was hilarious.
you’re awesome, i love you. thanks for letting me stalk you without being TOO creepy. and thanks for making our party a real party. xoxo
I really liked your comment about fear living in televisions. I work with many extremely talented individuals; yes they probably could have been rocket scientists, who are completely paralyzed with fear. Like you said they are capable, talented, and inspirational and should be destined for success. I think I am going to start recommending that they turn off the TV too.
Jeffreys last blog post..Meeting Dark Arts: Video Conference Etiquette
Havi, you are so right about television. It is a box of negative! I gave up cable aeons ago, and I have never looked back. (I do enjoy the stuff that I have chosen to receive from Netflix. That’s the beauty of Netflix! Cheaper, too.)
I’m also totally with you on which of the text messages I’d respond to. That’s the one I would send, too.
Thanks, as always, for an entertaining and helpful post!
Jen M.
JenniferLynn Productions
Jen M.s last blog post..Studio Update.
I’m glad you survived. I was thinking of you on the first day when people kept sending me twitpics of really long lines and really big lego pits.
Interesting that people run away when they want to meet you… I tend to send people running away screaming too, but I’m pretty sure it’s because I’ve worked really hard to make it so no one wants to meet me, like, ever. It’s not that I’m really mean, just that I’ve branded myself as mean to avoid being invited to social functions. Saves money on Valium, ya see. 😉
Also, out of the twenty or so people I know who attended sxsw I haven’t heard one thing about a panel. In fact, I didn’t know there WERE panels. What I did hear about were cowboy hats. Do you and Selma have matching cowboy hats now? If so, I’m not sure I can be your stalker anymore.
Love,
Amy