Yesterday I talked about the practice of leaving presents for future-me.
And Larisa told this awesome story in the comments about how her brother used to throw fistfuls of Jolly Ranchers into the backseat of the car to discover later.
Exactly. Like that!
There are so many marvelous surprises that we can hide for later.
What kind of presents and surprises?
Presents and surprises for future-me can be small or large.
They can be really obvious. Or things that might not even be noticed.
Maybe she’ll trip over them and then say ohhhhhhhhhhh, got it.
1. Words and qualities.
Sometimes I go a few months ahead in the calendar and I write a word on a day. Any day.
Like REJUVENATION.
Or AUTONOMY.
Or TRUST.
It’s planting a day that is full of the essence of that. And then when she sees it, slightly-future-me will have a flash of remembering.
She’ll know what it means. Or she’ll find out.
We have a colorful wall of words and qualities at the Playground in the Refueling Station.
I like to sit in the rainbow hammock and breathe in the words. Me-who-is-arriving-in-a-few-weeks is even better at taking time for that.
In fact, she’ll probably know why the word I chose for her is important — and she’ll know it in ways that I am not yet able to understand.
She’ll also know why that day was the right one, and then we’ll giggle over it together.
2. Experiences.
Booking her a massage for before and after Rally (Rally!).
Scheduling secret artist dates for her at her favorite cafes.
Buying a giant box of crayons just for her.
Sending a postcard to my uncle to tell him she’s going to visit him and hide out in the woods with his dogs.
3. Reminders.
Mailing her postcards with coded messages.
Putting things where she’ll see them.
Flowers.
Planting presents for the next two weeks.
Things are going to be busy and amazing for me-who-is-arriving.
She is teaching Crossing the Line, which is an eight day retreat. That’s a lot of work, and also a lot of batshit crazy life-changingly great epiphanies that she’ll be having, what will all the shivanauttery.
She’s going to need spaciousness and time. Love and support.
What can I do to make things easier on her?
- Use secret agent code words to set up a rendezvous with Liz.
- Flowers and love notes in her dressing room.
- Everything she doesn’t need to deal with can go into a box and be put in the office she won’t be using.
- Give her a small tactile reminder of who she is. Maybe a necklace from her friend’s Etsy shop?
- A list of reminders.
- A round with the First Mate to review.
Play with me!
Self-practice and the giant communal and commenting blanket fort.
We’re leaving presents for future-us. Yay!
What could we maybe-possibly-theoretically-if-we-wanted-to plant now for later?
Usual comment zen applies. We all have our stuff. We’re all working on our stuff. We take responsibility for what’s ours, we let other people have what’s theirs.
We make this a safe space to play by not giving each other advice (unless people ask) and by paying attention to what we need.
Also: we can declare Silent Retreat whenever we feel like it, dammit.
Kisses.
Follow
Ohh! Such royal care for one’s many selves. I love it.
One thing that comes to mind: I would like to make the bed gorgeously every morning, fluff the pillows, and place a sweet little book next to the bed. And tuck a little notecard inside the book that says something sweet, like “hello love, you have arrived. Savor this book before falling blissfully asleep.”
This is what Morning-Me is doing for Going-To-Bed-Me. Ooh, such a good idea! She really needs this.
And on a much more mundane (but important!) note, I think I’d like to hold off on eating cookies that are out in the office right now. It’s a present for Lunching-Me, who will enjoy being able to savor her lunch with a full appetite.
Hmm, what delicious thoughts! I’ll be back with more.
Oh good point, Simone! I *always* eat the proverbial office cookies with some vague feeling of WHO ARE YOU TO TELL ME I CAN’T EAT THIS and then later regret it…
A few days, I gave my childhood teddy bear (a Winnie-the-Pooh that a family friend made for me) a comfortable and very visible perch in my closet, so that I’ll see him every day and have the option of giving him a hug. That was very nice of Past Me!
Today, I have plans to take Near-Future Me to a local bookstore, to see if I can get a copy of Mary Poppins (*waves to Eve*) to read to my daughter while she’s still not quite a teenager yet. Reading aloud is one of my very favorite things to do!
A few days ago, I meant to say. Oops. 🙂
i think i am not quite ready for this practice yet, so i will call silent retreat. i say this because i do not know what kind of presents i can leave for future me.
pondering why this is so difficult.
I love to stash money in the console of my car, in drawers, leftover in purses, so future me has a happy surprise should she ever need it. 🙂
I’d love to amplify that lil present & stash money in my savings, too.
I’m loving this idea to feel good about eating healthy & practising yoga & Shiva Nata today, and the benefits I’ll be finding in the next couple days from those good choices.
Thanks for all this thought-provoking goodness 🙂
Much love. xoxo
Jess
@kathleen, I have to say, the teddy-bear-in-the-closet is *exactly* the kind of thing I want to do but can’t because of some amorphous voices of ambiguous origin going, “it’s weird and creepy and people will throw rocks and GROW UP ALREADY”.
So, yes. I think I am going to do that too, damnit! Because I LIKE hugging fluffy stuffed animals, damnit! Thanks for the idea.
Doing my future self favours. Like doing her homework. Or drawing for her, because she’s an artist and it upsets her when she hasn’t practiced in a while, so I’ll practice for her. Or picking up a little rubbish for her.
Maybe it’s not the same as what Havi had in mind, but nothing makes me happier than realising I’ve already done something I wanted to procrastinate on. So I’m sure future!me will appreciate it, even if present me doesn’t always. 😛
Interesting. I wonder why my mind goes blank when I think about leaving presents for Future Me. There is something about that, specifically, that is difficult. The thought that does come to mind is that I want to take her out for a really good breakfast on Sunday because it will feel relaxing & comfortable after traveling. I will put this on my calendar right now.
I think future me would love to find money!
I bought future me a tiny red notebook that says “love” on the cover. I bought it so that the bookstore would let me park there. And then future me realized it was the perfect place to write 5 or so things that she loves about each day. Even when the thing she loves is “crying and being sad.”
I’m making future me some lamb stew. She will be so happy.
Sometimes I clean and then future me is so surprised she thinks we’ve been robbed!
I hide chocolate in the freezer and yogurt in the work fridge for future me. She’s hungry a lot!
And my teddy bear sits on a settee by the window, in case hugs are needed!
Thank you for the word-for-future-days idea, Havi! I don’t look at a physical calendar every day, but I get digital calendar reminders and I can do it that way. Particularly since I check my phone every morning right after I wake up!
I think I will get a flipchart with sticky, post-it-note backing and post them on the wall before I leave work, so I can prompt myself to draw on the walls when I get home.
Oh! Scheduling the banya. I need to do that soon! Steam and sauna, yum!
I’ve been trying some baby steps for Good Things for Future Me.
Before I leave my office in the evening, I tidy it up and leave a note or two for the Next-Morning Me. When I arrive the next morning, I kid you not, I am so amazed and happy that things are orderly to start with and there is a note that makes me smile. ::How is it possible that I forget that I’ve done this until the moment that I enter my office again? Seriously!?! It’s only been like 12 hours!::
When I call to schedule a massage or hair appointment, I schedule the next one as well. I am always shocked to turn to a new month in my calender and see a self-care appointment already scheduled. ::Again, how do I forget that I’ve already done this ?!?::
Does a service exist where I can purchase a gift for myself online and it arrives at some random date in the future?
I’ve really been trying to use this the past few days.
Mostly I want to procrastinate and not pack, even though the movers are coming next Friday. NEXT FRIDAY!
The only thing that is motivating me to do an ounce of what needs to be done is thinking about poor-future-me and how she will feel if me-from-right-now doesn’t get very much done. Future-Me is going to freak out and have the worst-week-EVER if I don’t get my act together to save her this week!
So even though Me-right-now wants to wallow in self-pity and grief and Ino-wanna move type stuff, she is (I am?)able to force herself to just pack already when she realizes that she’s doing it to help Me-next-week.
I’m going to take it one step further though and think of things to do to make Next-week-Kim’s life less stressful and sad. For one thing, she is definitely getting a massage the day after the moving of the furniture! Hmmmm – how else can I help her and show her love? Maybe I could make up an Emergency Box — with chocolate and extra tape and markers and sweet notes and reminders of how it will all be over soon? Ooohhhh, I could send her some funny ecards next week, so when she checks her email it won’t be all “UGH, what NOW?” and I could go ahead and do some stuff (change mailing address, stop the paper, turn off the evil-cable) that Next-week-Kim would probably REALLY appreciate having done before next week.
This is good, good stuff!
Kim
I’m in the midst of trying to make decisions in the best interest of Future Me. Making decisions about the particular flavour of shittiness I’m signing Future Me up to deal with.
And not really knowing that the make-no-decision shittiness WOULDN’T be the least awful…. But highly suspecting so.
Which forces me to choose from the other range of shitty options, and hope they are a more manageable kind of shitty…
Present for Future Me: the devil you don’t know.
Sorry I can’t offer you anything you’d really like.
🙁
This is quite hard. I’ve tried some of them already. The hairdressing and/or massage one. Then future me decides its not the right time. Wonder what is going on. Shall ponder. Will try the office tidy, couple of notes one tonight. I’ll have to write myself a note to slightly future me to remember to do it for slightly MORE future me…
Laying out clothes and tea things for morning-me in the evening.
Definitely packing travel bags way in advance for traveling-me.
Making a plan for the week for Monday- Tuesday- etc.-me.
I would love to do more sweet surprisey things. Have to think about that.
Future me would be so appreciative if she found delicious, home cooked meals waiting in the freezer for her (and her family) when she arrives home after a long commute and a busy day at work.
She would also like it if Present Self would clean up the kitchen after dinner each night.
I love how you’re able to put into words some of the things I do already but never knew I was really doing it. I always try to put more soda or beer in the fridge for Future-me when Present-me takes some out. Sometimes I am honestly surprised as Future-me when Past-me has done something to take care of me and it’s soooo great to have words and a concept for these actions. Now, I’ll have to practice on seeing more ways I already take care of Future-me and finding new ways to take even better care of Future-me.
So, after much pondering I have decided to clean up my room and make my bed so that I can come home to a clean room and bed from our Vegas adventure.
As for more surprises for future me… well, the ipod is charging. 🙂 still this is a quite difficult idea for me. I don’t know why I don’t think I can take care of myself.
Well, I can see these posts are all from October, but just in case anyone else stumbles upon them as I have:
jess – i stash $5 and when I can even $20 bills in my car, drawers, emergency travel file, and wallets I’m not currently using too, or coat pockets. they are truly wonderful to discover. especially when i have been in terrible straits and somehow made it through without finding them, and then find it when it can just be used for something fun 🙂
kim – i have a little list of “first things to unpack” whenever i move, with stuff like my stereo, tape, hammer, etc. I will definitely be adding some caramel-chocolate bars!!
martha – i can definitely confirm that my future self adores waking up to a clean kitchen, and not only that, but my present self doesn’t even mind doing them very much when she’s doing it as a gift to someone else 🙂 (especially if she lights a candle on the windowsill, burns some yummy smelling oils and turns on her favorite music)
& finally simone & melissa – I got this idea from flylady dot com –she suggests pretending your bedroom is a swanky hotel and do it up all nice with chocolate on the pillows and candles in the bathroom, flowers, fresh water, wine, whatever your future self would be romanced by.