I’m at the airport. Again.
And thinking about how much I love my dammit list, dammit.
And how each time I add something to it, my life gets better.
Well, my stuff comes up and then I work through it and then my life gets better.
Perfect example: the fact that I didn’t wake up at dark-thirty today.
A few months ago I decided it was hazardous to my sanity to keep taking flights that leave at 6 a.m.
Because even if I pack the night before and skip my morning yoga and meditation, it still means going to bed at a million o’clock, and getting up five minutes later.
Which sucks.
So I tried to institute a reassuring “I only fly at reasonable hours, dammit!” policy.
This would also be the “No red-eye flights anymore dammit!” policy and the “I’m not going to spend the entire day bleary-eyed and confused, dammit!” policy.
And then all my who do you think you are stuff kicked in.
The me-who-used-to-be-poor thought this was extravagant. And arrogant. Like, after all those years of having no choices and no options, how can you suddenly have these ridiculous standards?
Me, in my head: “How can you be so spoiled? You should just shut up and say thank you that you can travel places. And be done with it. It’s enough.”
So I had to work on it.
A lot.
It took a while. I mean, not that I’m done with it. But mostly done.
I asked myself a lot of questions. Like:
— Can we experiment with this?
— Can we see what happens to my emotional state when we travel under conditions that are supportive and not destructive?
— Is it possible that this will mean less recovery time after traveling, in which case it might end up being an investment in myself and my business?
— Am I going to live my whole life choosing discomforts so that me-who-suffered-and-survived will feel like she had a purpose?
I’ve had to take a lot of time to acknowledge everything that Survivalist Me, as Hiro calls her, has done for me so that she could agree to go take a nap once in a while.
Here’s what happened.
Much to my astonishment, having this new policy on my Dammit List has not been crazy expensive.
It turns out that if you book your flights far enough in advance, it’s not a big difference. And it takes much less time to find a flight when you’re operating under the “only at reasonable times” rule.
And it turns out that recovery time is substantially less intense that way, so I get back to work and productive-mode sooner.
And that my nervous system is less likely to get thrashed, so I do better when I arrive.
Oh, and the Portland airport is waaaaaaaaaaay less crowded at say, 8:30 a.m. than it is at 6 a.m. The last two times I’ve done this, there has been no line at all going through security.
Basically, everything is better. By a lot.
So now I’m adding things to my Dammit List. Like mad.
Sure, I know it will trigger some stuff.
I know I’ll have new things to work on and through.
But it’s worth it.
Next week I’ll let you know what’s going on the list.
In the meantime, I’m going to put as many things on my dammit list as I want, dammit!
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Hooray for taking care of yourself, Havi! Traveling in a way that supports you, so you arrive feeling rested and ready for the work you have to do, is both good business sense and loving and kind towards yourself. After all, you wouldn’t run your Ferrari into the ground by not giving it regular oil changes–and your life is so much more precious than a Ferrari! 🙂
Love, Hiro
.-= Hiro Boga´s last post … A Fine Romance =-.
Good to hear this! It’s amazing how potent the who do I think I am? thing is. I’m well acquainted with it, having maintained my own personal prison in there for years. Wanting to wear something other than a hairshirt? WHAT NEXT, eh?
.-= Lean Ni Chuilleanain (@leannich)´s last post … Dragon Rampant =-.
My sweetie and I are learning that neither of us deals with flying very well. We always end up feeling trashed (perfect word, that) and the rest of the day is wasted in napping and general recuperation. What’s the point of flying somewhere quickly if you then have to take a whole day to recover?
So we tried a new thing: an overnight train. It was so much more civilized than flying, in so many ways! No TSA, just for starters. And have you ever seen Los Angeles Union Station? Gorgeous!
Being able to put your feet up, or walk around whenever you feel like it, is so much kinder to your body. We felt like we were traveling on a flying sofa, watching the scenery flow past our window. Just lovely.
Obviously you can’t take the train everywhere, but when you can I think it’s a pretty good way to go.
.-= Barbara J Carter´s last post … Santa Fe: Art, Food, and Chocolate, oh my! =-.
Oh, the Dammit List! I filed that one in a very safe place in my brain – thanks for bringing it to the front again.
I think I will do that right-now-right-now. Right after I make another cup of tea to give myself strength, I mean. Then I will go back and read the original Dammit List post and comments, for giggles and inspiration.
.-= Amna´s last post … Germinational: My day goes so much better when I don’t have to commute. Reason #7,985 to get on with working for myself already. =-.
On my dammit list: stop worrying about the cost of medicine like i worry about the cost of a sweater. i have to say dammit, recognize i cannot control why health care is sometimes cruel care, and chalk it up to a robbery i need to let happen.
i’d like to say what treatment i questioned and who was to receive it, but i’m too ashamed to admit it. dammit.
.-= Lydia, Clueless Crafter´s last post … Armed and Aproned =-.
Excellent, Havi! I’ve long been a proponent of flying at reasonable hours because I’ve mostly lived an hour’s drive or more from airports and have never been a morning person.
Also when I’m really tired people have often thought I was hungover. Even though I hadn’t had anything to drink. I figure if that’s my body’s reaction then I best do what I can to get my rest.
The dammit list really appeals to me. Particularly, not having a current resume or ever going to another job interview if I can help it. Unless perhaps it was with some Right People, in which case it wouldn’t feel like a stressful interview anyway.
.-= claire´s last post … Ass Cheeks and Autumn =-.
@Claire Awomen to no more dammit interviews and resumes!
.-= Lydia, Clueless Crafter´s last post … Armed and Aproned =-.
Oh, I know what you mean about Survivalist Me and how much work it can be to get her to go take a nap! Yeah, I have one too… Thank you for putting this into words; I can feel this will help me find ways to interact with her. Inspiring!
.-= Josiane´s last post … Noticing – the dragonfly edition =-.
I have a strong “who does she think she is” inner critic-puppet. nice job getting all logical @ the Survivalist w/your “see here is a spreadsheet of the $ we will save when I take care of myself.”
safe travels. -s
.-= Sarah´s last post … cover: “Broken Telephone” by the Be Good Tanyas =-.
It would never occur to me that mid-day flights were more expensive. Hmmm. Except that maybe flying at reasonable times means I need to stay over another night which would cost.
But this seems like a totally sensible thing to do, dammit, and maybe we should all do it. I bet there are fewer suits later in the day, too 🙂
.-= JoVE´s last post … Why is it so hard to write a 30-word summary of my book? =-.
I haven’t created my Dammit List, yet, but I’ve been pondering what I’ll put on it.
And the question, “Am I going to live my whole life choosing discomforts so that me-who-suffered-and-survived will feel like she had a purpose?” really has me thinking.
It’s bringing up all sorts of other questions for me. Like, “Why wouldn’t I put that on my Dammit List?”
Oh and, “Exactly how far are you going to take this Dammit List? Where are you going to draw the line?”
Not even sure what line is meant by that.
Somebody is probably going to need some coaxing and logic-ing when I start writing my list, dammit!
.-= Victoria Brouhard´s last post … Joining the Ranks =-.
I love dammit lists, dammit!
I wonder whether, along with the “yes, this, dammit!” items on my list, I may also need to include a few “no, dammit!” items. I’ve had some friends — well-intentioned, but tangled up in issues of their own — say things to me like, You do realize that if you’re going to start your own business, you need to work at least sixty hours a week, more like eighty or even a hundred and twenty, and you need to be spending two-thirds of that time on marketing…
NO, DAMMIT!
There! That’s better…
.-= spiralsongkat´s last post … We can’t do it all…or can we? =-.
The dammit list is awesome! And I think one of the items on mine is: I can take items off this list if they don’t work, dammit!, which makes it more experiment-ey and less of a Big Deal to put things on there.
As far as travelling goes: Environment Conscious Me thinks I should (ah, a should!) travel by train within Europe. The air plane has won twice anyhow, because travelling by train would take me almost a full day + recovery time, and I had to go up and down within a few days. Making sure your body doesn’t need to recover so much is also a flavour of surviving, methinks.
Maybe Survivor You doesn’t need a nap, but another job description: she is not needed to help you survive right now, but she can gently help you appreciate the options that you currently have, the ones that suit you better, thanks to her helping you survive the rough times.
“Oh, and the Portland airport is waaaaaaaaaaay less crowded at say, 8:30 a.m. than it is at 6 a.m. The last two times I’ve done this, there has been no line at all going through security.”
As someone who used to regularly commute between major cities for work meetings – Sydney to Melbourne – I often astounded at all the OTHER people who were on the 6am flights, and how much nicer it was after 7.30am for security check-ins. All the business people travelling at that time were much less stressed and harassed.
Also, anytime I had to do these meetings I’d be energetically wrecked the next day, and I’d almost certainly not eat properly which meant my stomach was also mightily unhappy with me.
Congrats on realising this and allowing yourself to have a dammit! relating to flying times, more of us should have them. Early flights play havoc with your energy and sleep.
.-= Karinne´s last post … Going home (for a short period of time) =-.
Yes, unless it involves hundreds of dollars in savings I no longer take flights at oh-dark-thirty. Just not prudent.
While spending half my life on the road while working for the Nameless Software Company, those with experience taught me that leaving a day early and returning a day late really made your trip seem much shorter. (I suspect this involves the theory of relativity. But my relatives live a long way away, so I can’t ask them.)
When I’m taking a long trip, I head out early and then arrive in plenty of time. I check in, have a nice meal, preview the room I’m going to speak in, meet the tech staff and test things, and go to bed with a big smile on my face.
The next day, I’m able to sleep late, have some fun, and present at top condition. Then I have plenty of time to meet people, talk, network — and even relax a bit. Have dinner with a potential client or connection.
After a good night’s sleep, I have a quiet flight home. Travel each way is a very serene experience.
If a problem rears it’s ugly head on either end — delay, flight canceled, pilots miss the airport — I’m the calm guy in a sea of excited people.
I recommend it highly.
.-= Dick Carlson´s last post … No, I’m Not A “Coach” — And You Shouldn’t Be, Either =-.
And BTW — if I ever moved back to Portland, it would be (mostly) because I miss flying out of PDX.
Amazing airport. It’s just large enough to be big and just small enough to be little.
.-= Dick Carlson´s last post … No, I’m Not A “Coach” — And You Shouldn’t Be, Either =-.
Thanks for the reminder for the Dammit List! I’ll be getting started on this this week. Can’t wait!!
.-= Katy´s last post … Change Your Settings to Control How Facebook Can Use your Photos and Name =-.
@Dick, that’s what I do as well. It sucks now because it means spending a little more time away from Little Dude, but being able to be actually functional and coherent at my destination (and home again) is worth the price.
.-= Sonia Simone´s last post … What Makes Marketing Hard? =-.