Personal ads! They’re … personal! Very.
So my itty bitty personal ads made me realize that it’s time to make a regular practice of trying to feel okay asking for stuff.
Even when the asking thing feels weird and conflicted.
Ever since I posted the first one asking my perfect house to find me, which united me with Hoppy House, I have been a fan of the madness that is personal ads.
And now it’s my weekly ritual. Yay, ritual!
Let’s do this thing.
Thing 1: everything to go smoothly with the Berlin workshops.
Here’s what I want:
I’m teaching oh, possibly a million classes while I’m here? At least, that’s what it looks like.
There are so many people to coordinate with and unexpected things to take care of.
And even though I have a designated workshop coordinator, there are still all sorts of things which can go horribly…interesting.
I really need some smoothness and lightness to all this coordination stuff.
Which is ironic (or just weird) given that I’m teaching coordination techniques. We can laugh about that some other time.
Here’s how I want to this to happen:
Just like last week — with tiny moments of grace.
Maybe somethings can just work themselves out.
I don’t really know how this will work.
I just need some tiny miracles and some help remembering that even when stuff has gone weird, I’ve always handled it really well.
Except for that one time in San Francisco four years ago. But aside from that.
My commitment.
I will practice patience and appreciation when I can … and noticing that I can’t when I can’t.
I will check in with my body before making decisions or agreeing to new things.
And I’ll do what I can to trust my programs guy to do his thing and do it well.
Thing 2: … also back on the mother ship.
Here’s what I want:
Smoothly? Things going … smoothly? Yes, please. While I’m asking.
If last week was all about harmony and ease, this week is about the smoothness. And my relationship with the smoothness.
But even while my attention is here in Berlin, I still need my whole Fluent Self business (a.k.a. the pirate ship) to run the way it’s supposed to.
Even without the Pirate Queen (me) actually being around.
I want to be able to log-in to Basecamp and not discover that things are overwhelming and chaotic.
Here’s how I want this to work:
Actually, I don’t know what to say for this one either.
Not even slightly clear on how this might happen. It’s just a wish. A very heartfelt wish.
My commitment.
To appreciate the smooth.
Which, by the way, I’m calling smoove. As in Smoove B, the best columnist in the history of people who write columns about … something.
To let things be when they’re not smooth. To notice what I need and make sure I get it in some form or another.
To practice patience. Or try to.
Thing 3: German.
Here’s what I want:
I need my German to do its thing and come back quickly.
Yes, this happens every single year, so I know that within a week or so I’ll wonder how I ever thought I’d forgotten it.
I’ll be happily giving a lecture and not even noticing that this is my third and least-polished language (by a lot).
I just want the transition to happen quickly.
Ways this could work:
Normally I would just call my friend Tino and we would talk for hours, and somehow by the end I’d be back to myself, but in German.
Except that he’s in England right now.
So I need something else. Maybe I will listen to one of Annik’s podcasts. Or sit with Andreas and complain about stuff. That’s always fun.
My commitment.
To be ready for the opening and jump in!
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
So last time I asked for harmony and ease. And for a comfortable trip to Berlin.
Definitely feeling good about both of those.
Three consecutive plane rides without screaming babies or anyone kicking me in the back = pretty spectacular, at least in my experience.
In fact, between Minneapolis and Amsterdam we were sitting near two very tiny people (maybe three and five years old?) who were just adorable little pink-shoed elves and we fell madly in love with them.
There were still the kids running around shrieking “You want it? Come and get it!” at the top of their lungs but somehow they got put in a different part of the plane. Awesome.
For me, at least.
It feels as though things are going relatively smoothly and comfortably. And when they’re not — like with the mailbox debacle — I’m handling it with more grace than would normally be expected under the circumstances.
So that counts as at least semi-astonishing. I’ll take it!
Comments. Since I’m already asking …
I am adding to my practice of asking for stuff by being more specific about I would like to receive in the comments. And that way, if you feel like leaving one (you totally don’t have to), you get to be part of this experiment too. 🙂
Here’s what I want (just leave them in the comments):
- Your own personal ads, small or large. Things you’ve asked for. Or are asking for. Or would like to ask for.
- Thoughts or ideas about ways any of the personal ads listed here could come true.
What I would rather not have:
- Reality theories.
- Shoulds. As in, “You should be doing it like this” or “That’s not the right way to ask for things — instead it should be like x, y and z”
- To be judged or psychoanalyzed.
My commitment.
I am committing to getting better at asking for things even when asking feels weird. I commit to giving time and thought to the things that people say, and to interact with their ideas and with my own stuff as compassionately and honestly as is possible.
Thanks for doing this with me!
Follow
In the meantime, here’s the only bit of German I can still remember (sung to the tune of “She’ll Be Comin ‘Round the Mountain”):
Ich bin Auslander und spreche nicht gut Deutsch.
Ich bin Auslander und spreche nicht gut Deutsch.
Bitte langsam, bitte langsam,
Bitte sprechen Sie nach langsam,
Ich bin Auslander und spreche nicht gut Deutsch.
With um-lauts, I’m sure, but I don’t remember where. And a fat lot of good it would do me. Even if they spoke slower, I probably still wouldn’t catch more than one out of 10 words…at most.
Oh, and my Little Bird says “smoove,” though not really on purpose.
.-= Emily´s last blog ..Into the Moment =-.
Singing stuff is a great memory trick (well, that works for me, anyway). If you sang along to all the German music you could get, would that help?
(Secretly, err, maybe not so secretly anymore, I really really want to go to Berlin sometime. I’m a mini bit envious, but generally just excited for you by proxy.)
Smoove B is the best. I wonder how those columns would sound translated to German . . .
Havi, I wish you s-m-o-o-thness in everything you do, in Berlin, and smooth sailing for your Pirate Ship while you’re away. May the Smoove Gods clear the way for this to happen.
My personal ad:
1. I want my health and strength back. This year has been challenging on both fronts, with hip replacement surgery, and now blood sugar imbalances. Restoring health and strength with a degree of flow and ease would be lovely. Having the support I need to do this would be lovely too.
My commitment: I will do both the inner and outer work to make this happen. I’ll love and appreciate my body, and be grateful for all the support I receive.
Love, Hiro
.-= Hiro Boga´s last blog ..The Magical Monsoon: a love story in a minor key =-.
Told you there would be no crying babies this time. 🙂
You see I know about these things because I’m a Fish, too. 🙂
.-= helen´s last blog ..OOH OOH OOH =-.
What I want:
Smoove sewing this week, as I have committed to sending six small works to the San Jose Museum of Quilts and Textiles. I want the thread to work easily without breakage, I want to find just the right pieces of fabric in my collection and I want to be surprised at the end result.
How this could happen:
I allow myself to play and make mistakes.
I spend time going through my fabrics.
I trust the process.
My commitment:
To actually get off this sofa and go into the studio, which is the biggest part of the process.
I think that is enough for now. I am also happy to report that I sold two paintings out of my Etsy shop, so that Shiva Nata DVD is that much closer! (previous personal ad) Yay!
.-= Andi´s last blog ..Fabric Gardens =-.
Guess what? My german is back! My german is back! Apparently it has to do with phone conversations for some reason because I was still a bit shaky in my first class (I mean, it was fine, but it didn’t feel fine) … and then last night I was on the phone with Andreas forever and by the end of our conversation it was totally comfortably easily back.
Yay.
Smoooove!
Update on Previous: Cold got better enough that I didn’t sneeze on the hairdresser, though the tail end of it is still lingering. Got a little creative work done when the cold let up, and now am on vacation for Labor day. Work has quieted down, but that was expected given deadlines met and sicky.
I’m not going to ask anything this week except to stick with my old asks — wellness, creativity, and paying work. And yoga, which I need to rethink as nothing has come to me on that front.
.-= Amy Crook´s last blog ..The Power of a LIttle Color =-.
What I want:
More time to be with myself in quiet. I am putting a lot OUT lately and not spending much time IN. I’m craving some stillness and I have felt somewhat helpless to do anything about it because of my hurried/busy-ness lately.
How this could work:
– I could walk to a park.
– I could wake up earlier.
– I could take regular breaks when I’m working.
– I could tidy up the visual space around me so that “looks quiet” too.
– I can bring back my practice of inner work that I do in writing that helps me sort through the mind chatter that makes me feel busier and more cluttered than I actually am.
– I could sit and do my breathing exercises too.
My commitment:
I will print out a chart and keep track of how many times I spend quiet time with myself this week. Having a visual like that tends to help me a lot. I think I’ll have fun with it too.
I commit to asking for quiet space when I need it and then giving it to myself.
—– Thank you for this space, Havi. I don’t think I’ve played with you on Personal Ad day before. I like that I’m doing it now.
Feeling heavy with grief still at the loss of a beloved uncle, I was formulating asking for a bit of heart-lightening while reading Havi’s post. Being in touch with grief is all well and good, but…. my heart actually hurts at the moment. The first comments were about singing. Bingo. Singing always helps me, at least a little bit. Even reading about singing lightened my heart a bit. More of this. More heart lightening, please. This can come in the form of fairy godmothers, silliness, unexpected beauty and fun, time spent with my partner, grace, meditation, love, miracles, etc.
Rain. The plants need it.
The strength to nourish my body fully– meditation practice, swimming, herbal infusions, and delicious, lovingly prepared vegetables.
.-= Kate T.W.´s last blog ..Lynda Barry Rocks! =-.
can I try..? this has been bothering me for some time…
What I want:
For my day job to decide whether it loves me or not, once and for all.
Dear Day Job,
I love you tremendously, but I cannot continue like this. Being laid off and recalled and laid off and recalled feels like a bad relationship where you don’t know if you really LOVE me love me, but you won’t let me go either. I want to get on with my life. If we are meant to be together, I will be as dedicated to you as I have ever been, because deep down I do love you. But this emotional drama makes me feel horrible inside.
If it isn’t meant to be, I have a small business on the side that I would like to start seeing. We’ve been just friends up until now, but I think I would like to take it to the next level. I’m terrified inside, and I know it won’t be easy, but I think it’s for the best — for all of us. Please understand.
Love, C.
My commitment: I will let go and let the universe decide where I should be, while having the follow through to make sure there is some form of closure within the next 6 months. I will be dedicated to whatever path opens up, and I will try not to panic about How it Will All End. I will breathe through the difficult parts and be open to whatever lies ahead.
.-= Chris´s last blog ..From the Studio: Mushrooms taste like rubber. Learn from this. =-.
@Chris – man, that has to be the awesomest, bravest personal ad ever. I love it! What a great ask. Sprinkling fairy dust and such your way and breathing for the hard parts.
@Havi, I was gonna wish for you to find a nice Viking (headline “Wandering Pirate Queen Meets Unexpected Viking Protector”), but then I remembered they weren’t German, and then I got lost mentally recreating the subtitles in the Monty Python and the Holy Grail titles (My sister got bit by a moose. No reeli.) and somewhere along the way I spilt beer on my hand and when washing it off I thought, that’s strange, why am I worrying about this because I like the yeasty smell of beer, and anyway I think I must have lost my concentration along the way because I forgot what started me in the first place.
Oh, yeah, Vikings aren’t German.
Anyway, maybe your pirate ship could be a living thing that could take care of itself when you weren’t around because you’d picked such a great crew.
Hey, maybe you and your non-German (but strangely fluent) Viking could burn down any barns that caused problems in Berlin. Vikings burn things, right? This. Could. Work.
Anyway, loads of love and magic fairy dust.
HERE’S WHAT I WANT:
For a long time, I’ve been setting myself free to explore what I want to do. It’s been a fun journey. I’ve done some really awesome things that make me happy, let me feel engaged by life, and contribute to other people’s journeies.
But now I realize that I haven’t really tapped the essence of who I am. It’s like I’ve been mucking around in a wetlands, building things close to the source of the water, but not quite on top of it. Now, I want to step into the work that captures the water at the source, that allows me to engage my essence in a new and powerful way, and lets me embrace and make my unique contribution to the universe.
I no longer want to settle for doing things I’m good at (some of them, I’m really good at). I want to center my life and work life around the essence of my soul. I want to create my pure, organic, from-the-heart work.
WAYS THIS COULD SHOW UP:
For now, I’m letting go my my preconceived ideas of how the Universe could bring this about. Surprise me, Universe.
MY COMMITMENT:
1. I promise that no matter what happens, I’ll keep my faith that it is the next indicated step of the journey toward my goal. No matter how surprising or confusing it may be, I’ll believe that it is a stepping stone to my essential work.
2. I’ll listen to each whisper of Spirit in my heart, and pay attention to guidance. I’ll try anything. I’ll do anything. I’ll keep an open mind.
3. I’ll keep going on my project to clear out 1/3 of everything I own. I’ll be ruthless in letting go of things that don’t meet my simple test. I’ll share my discards with the world in a generous, respectful, and environmentally responsible way. And I’ll remember it is about the feeling of empty space, not about counting the number of possessions.
4. I’ll keep focused on what I want by allowing myself to feel the ecstasy of being in that space before I reach it.
.-= [Charlene]´s last blog ..Help Me Speak At SXSW Interactive =-.
Okay. Here goes nothing.
WHAT I WANT:
I would like an immersive environment in which to learn French. Because I’m a sucker for really difficult challenges like that.
WAYS THIS COULD HAPPEN:
Maybe there IS a school in my city like the German school that teaches in French.
Aside from that… I have /no/ idea. Surprise me.
MY COMMITMENT:
I promise to stop freaking out on you and go “OH MY GOD HOW THE HELL WILL THIS HAPPEN” and let what shows up, show up.
What I want:
To have the self-care I’ve been slowly turning into a daily practice continue to feel important and stay a high priority for me, so that I don’t relapse.
Ways this could happen:
My meditation and yoga work could continue to become intimate patterns for me.
Yoga classes that help me reinforce these practices become available at times I can take them.
I remember to continue to schedule these things first, so that they don’t get relegated to the “I’ll get back into this next week, pile.”
Others with these habits will be present in my life and remind me how important these practices are.
Things I’ve chosen to remind me to be compassionate to myself can help me be mindful.
My commitment:
To live the advice I give others, and turn my compassion inward.
To remember that each day we begin anew, and allow myself to refocus my intent for what I’m doing each day to match the needs of my body and my spirit.
To leave ego at the door when I come to yoga, and to see to my needs before worrying about being refined and collected.
.-= Lisa Lassner´s last blog .. =-.
Wishing you lots of smooveness Havi!
I wanted to give some feedback on last weeks personal ad. The Baby Calming Technique (totally gets capitals from me) WORKS WORKS WORKS!
I flew to Perth and baby girl got niggly and I rubbed her fingers and sent her good vibes and she totally chilled out…. for the remainder of the flight.
Then, another lady’s younger baby started crying and I closed my eyes and sent the mommy and her baby the good vibes while rubbing my fingers and guess what… within 5 minutes the baby stopped crying and chilled out for the rest of the flight!
You rock Havi, Baby Calming Technique = big big thumbs up! Thank you – my flights were awesome 🙂
My personal ad for today is that I want for everyone else to have their personal ad wishes come true!
.-= Marilyn´s last blog ..Blessings, Blessings Everywhere! =-.
Right now I need all of my technical and problem-solving skills to do their thing, as I take on a new job. I need to be able to unravel Joomla in spite of how rusty I am, in a smooth and effortless way. I need to get all of the documentation on time, and get some peace from my kids so that I can do my work.
Oh, and also, I need to have top-notch planning so that I don’t forget to pack anything before the kids and I go on vacation next week. Because 4 nights without a Very Special Toy or clean underwear do not sound like fun. I need to be able to remember it all far enough in advance to get it all together.
.-= Amber´s last blog ..It Was 20 Years Ago Today =-.
I ask for this: a solution to my playwriting dilemma with regard to my one person show. My playwriting mentor gave me a great idea for a new scene. The only problem is it changes the course of the whole play, and I need to lock down the script for this play by this Friday at the latest, so I can rehearse it and get it ready for its performance the first weekend in October. So I need the Muse to visit me and help me find my way through to finalizing this version, which means figuring out whether or not to write the new scene, and finalizing the ending of the show, one way or the other.
How it could come: After a couple major writing sessions, it will become very clear to me how the piece needs to finish. It will come to me as I am writing. It will come to me no later than Wednesday at 6 p.m, for I have another session with my playwriting mentor on Thursday morning. It will come without panic or fear. I will trust that it will come, and it will come.
My commitment: To put enough time with my butt in the chair and my fingers on the keyboard (or writing longhand in my notebook) to make this ask a reality. To show up and do the work, and trust that if I put in the time, the answer will emerge. To remember that the October version of the show is not final, that I can change it again, and that this version doesn’t have to be perfect, it just needs to be stageworthy.
What I want:
There are a few inner demons that want to be let go and desire to find their peace. I want to enable them to do so and deal with the scraps and cobwebs of wrath and anger they (and I) hold on for decades. Otherwise they’ll blow free and will cause trouble.
How I could come:
During my daily practice. An random ephinany. Channeling it all into my art. A few words from my friends. Other things.
My commitment:
I’ll do what they’ll need to die in peace, but ONLY if it’s respectful and compassionate to other people, myself – and them.
.-= Carina´s last blog ..Surrealistic Gardens (Cautions: Contains Great Photos) =-.
What I want :
* find my perfect place : in a nice area, where I can find my essentials kind of stuff, and convenient area for me and boyfriend to go to work as well. Nice and airy and good light flat. Not too much furniture so I can have all our stuff in without pain. and a sofa bed so my mm can come and visit us more easily. and with a parking space. yeah. important. 🙂
* find more work. assisting a great make-up artist on a crazy fun/challenging project.
* find my right People to work with regularly here.
Thanks a lot.
and lot’s of love to you Havi. enjoy your stay in Berlin.
ouch forgot my commitment.
My commitment :
working hard on focus and being present in the Now.
be ready to accept things that comes my way.
pay attention at what happens around me.
Just wanted to let you know you’ve inspired me (yet again!). Okay, you and Match.com.
But your very personal ads are so right on. And I didn’t want all that time I’ve been spending on those online dating sites to go to waste.
So between You and Them, I decided to write a personal dating-type ad for my business. It was fun. Hope you like it: http://bit.ly/42bYV6 24
.-= Tea Silvestre´s last blog ..Online Dating for Your Business (Or how to ‘hook up’ with your ideal customer) =-.
Here’s what I want:
To get out of my lease, preferably by the end of September, but end of October at the very latest.
Here’s how I want to get it:
-Someone wants (or knows someone who wants) to rent one of the most awesome houses in NE PDX.
-My landlord already knows someone who’s interested and makes it an easy transition.
-My school can give me ideas and solutions about how this can be done smoothly and with love.
-It could magically work itself out.
My commitment:
-I am committed to staying firmly rooted in my needs and supporting those needs first and foremost.
-I am committed to checking with school for ideas on finding this solution.
-I am committed to being up front and honest with my landlord on the current state of my needs.
-I am committed to considering any and all options with an open mind and heart.
.-= Jen´s last blog ..SlimCat Food & Treat Ball =-.
A few personal ads ago I asked for new clients and mysteriously or maybe not so mysteriously, I was ask to write a Q & A for a monthly local publication. It has been in in circulation for about a week now.
The ask.
For my just right people to respond and give me a call. Surprise me with the numbers. I help people to make easy, happy, loving shifts in their lives. My just right people will connect from the heart. And while they understand there is some work involved they look forward to the fun and adventure; they love and enjoy the work we do together and easily afford to pay me on time.
The way it could work.
5 or more perfect just right people pick up the telephone and make the call to me this week. They want to get started right away. They understand the time needed to get to where they want to go. They will recommend me to others and so the biz takes off!
I promise to connect with each person from the heart and lovingly nurture them from where they are in the now. I promise to be and do my best which includes taking care of my needs so I can be at my best. I will meditate and such, as well as eat and sleep like I should to be my shining best because my just rights deserve that!
May all your personal ads come true.
Thank you Havi for this space.
What I want: to find the perfect doctor for me. She will be knowledgeable and supportive of complementary and alternative medicine, easy to get ahold of, and taking new patients.
How I could find her: someone I trust could tell me about her. I could do an internet search. Other ways? Not sure.
My commitment: I will get a list of preferred providers from my husband’s health insurance. I will do some research. I will be an active participant in my health care and will be honest with my doctor so I can get the care I need.
@Zora: Is there a “Maison de l’Alliance Française” in your area? This is a place where you could learn French. Other than that, are you open to travelling? There are French language immersion programs around here. It’s a bit hard to help without having more details about your situation, but if you’d like to brainstorm possible ways for you to learn French, get in touch with me! I may not be able to find the perfect solution for you, but since I love seeing people interested in learning my language, I’d be happy to try!
.-= Josiane´s last blog ..Retreating to write – and being treated to so much more =-.
Bartender, Smooveness all around.
Last week, I asked for some Twitter (and/or blog) savvy, and I’m happy to say that reading Havi and Pistachio’s Non-Strategy call transcript was a big step forward in just getting my brain engaged on the Twitter matter.
And yeah! I don’t have to do anything in particular. Hang out. Ask questions. Make comments. Enjoy myself. (I love it that I don’t have to ‘add value’ if I don’t feel like it, either.) And so much the better if I don’t even have a thing to share/sell/do at the moment! I can’t possibly be doing the (ick) marketing and self-promotion if I have nothing to market. Huzzah. Another round of Smooveness, please.
I am asking for:
#1: guidance regarding the blogging (or current lapsedness, thereof), i.e. continue with current very, very short typepad blog that doesn’t have the name i want to continue with, or move (somehow, oh good grief, the thought of it paralyzes me because wordpress and I–we don’t know each other at all) to the domain name I bought when I got my post-Shiva, post-Nia epiphany.
How I could get it: read something that will make it obvious; hear something that will make it obvious; feel something that will make it obvious. I’m sure there are others–I’ll keep my eyes open and my windshield cleaned off.
My commitment: open eyes, clean windshield, reading, listening, and feeling with the intent to learn. Some Shiva Nata on the issue. Prayer.
#2: a perfect studio space for lease for a crazy, great price in a full-service building that is safe, clean, easily accessed by moms with littles, has free off-street parking with good lighting for winter months, south- and west-facing windows for good inside light, good traffic patterns for visibility, really clean bathrooms close to the studio space, and a sprung wood floor. I want a place that feels good to my right people so I can stay there for a long time.
How this might happen: my agent, Aaron, might see something that is perfect. His agent friends might know of something that they’ll pass along. I might find something on my own that would be perfect. Someone could respond to my Facebook, Twitter, or Craigslist comments/ads saying they have the perfect space. I am willing to have this come in any way it chooses.
My commitment: a real, honest body check for each space in which I just listen and don’t try to talk my body into loving something that it just doesn’t love. Clear, clear, clear communication with Aaron about what does and doesn’t work, as soon as I’m able to get clear, clear, clear.
Thanks, Havi, for continuing with the VPAs. You rock!
Please let the just right lodger find me this week. I’m tired of showing my spare room.
I’ve got a lovely sunny room which is reasonably priced. Also has a very friendly cat and a landlady who is out at least 3 nights a week working or doing her own thang…
http://edinburgh.gumtree.com/edinburgh/47/44892447.html
I commit to being open, advertising and belieing that the just right lodger is out there !
.-= creativevoyage´s last blog ..Chinese Pocket Bookmaking Workshop =-.