Personal ads! They’re … personal! Very.
So my itty bitty personal ads made me realize that it’s time to make a regular practice of trying to feel okay asking for stuff.
Ever since I posted the first one asking my perfect house to find me, which united me with Hoppy House, I have been a fan of the madness that is personal ads.
And now it’s my Sunday ritual. Yay, ritual!
There were some pretty fantastic personal ads in the comments of last week’s post. So I hope people will update on their stories too.
I’m in Taos at the Writer’s Retreat with the super-wonderful Jennifer Genius-Mouse Louden.
But that’s not going to keep me from throwing personal ads out there like there’s no tomorrow! Oh, the joys of pre-posting.*
* It’s kind of embarrassing actually how I can’t stop posting about how much I love pre-posting but there you have it.
Yallah. Let’s do this thing.
Thing 1: mad help with my baby book!
Here’s what I want:
To make crazy progress this week on my almost-completed Shivanaut Manual.
I had a mini-crisis around this a while back and now I’ve done the work and am ready to commit again.
But I would really, really love to have a more-finalized final draft by the time I’m back from my week of Writer’s Retreat. (Yes, I know I’m supposed to be teaching there, but I also plan to get some writing and retreating in too!)
Here’s how this could work:
I will Shiva-it-up and get in the zone.
Wonderful people will help me.
My students will remind me that this book doesn’t have to answer every single question they have. It doesn’t have to be the be-all and end-all of everything. It’s just a manual.
And, at the same time, it’s special.
My book will talk to me. It will whisper sweet nothings in my ear. It will appreciate me when I’m spending time with it, and be understanding when I can’t.
It will allow all the old hurt feelings between us to drain into the earth.
My commitment.
Oh, my sweet book. I will give you my love and my attention.
I will notice when my stuff comes up and I will ask for help when I need it.
I will keep practicing and dancing up a storm and working on my stuff.
And I will appreciate the hot, buttered epiphanies that the Dance of Shiva practice hurls at me instead of just whining about how much it sucks to learn such weird, deep stuff about my issues.
I will tell my story.
Thing 2: A memorial please.
Here’s what I want:
I want to know when my friend who is dead actually died.
No one seems to know. And it’s kind of driving me crazy.
Yes, I know he is gone gone gone … still gone … and still I want to have a day for him.
Not just International Borekas and Repression day. I want a day.
I even tried to plan my trip back to Tel Aviv to coincide with the time (because there is kind of a ritual of going to the grave for the “day of the year” which is like a memorial).
And no one knew. I only found out about my friend from my ex, who is notoriously incapable of knowing what month it is now, never mind when something in the past happened.
I talked to the best friend of my ex, who used to play harmonica in a band with my friend who is dead … and he said it was in the fall, but more than that he didn’t know.
But but but, you say, that post when you found out and then when you wrote your hurting bits of wisdom … wasn’t that in July?
Yes. Some of my friends got together and decided I had to be told in person. Which was stupid. And we were all going back and forth between Israel and Germany and the States. And it took a while.
In the meantime? I just want one day.
Here’s how I want to get this:
Someone could remember. Or find out. And tell me.
Maybe Adi (the best friend of my ex) was able to finally get through to the sister of my friend who is dead.
Or … I could just suddenly know.
The way I knew with utter certainty exactly what had happened — in the moment when I heard that my friend had killed himself, I knew.
Even though I never would have guessed that he would do something like that.
I mean, if you had told me that one of my friends in Israel had committed suicide? I honestly would have guessed every single person I knew before thinking it was him.
The qualities that I associate with him are things like … joyfulness. And laughter. The kind of spark you really only get from genuinely participating and being present in being alive.
But the moment my ex told me he had killed himself, I knew without asking exactly how and exactly where.
I even knew the song that was playing while he died. It was like I just tuned into it and the information was right there.
So maybe I will also remember the when?
My commitment.
I will love this day.
I will eat borekas and listen to Cake and dance around the room. Not all at once, though.
My hope of course is that if I have one day to fall apart completely with my loss and grief and pain that maybe it won’t have to be such a big part of my day-to-day.
But either way, I will be glad for this day.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads and what’s going on with them.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
Not only did we fill the weirdly-opened spot in my North Carolina workshop, we filled it with someone whose fabulousness is well-documented.
Actually, I love her.
So that was cool and exciting and weird. And while it does suck to have to say to other people, “sorry, someone kind of beat you to it”, it’s also really fun to have lots of neat people want to go to your workshop.
With the tech wizard request, we have been doing some interviews and seem to be clear on who we want to work with.
So thanks, everyone and thanks, magic-internets and thanks, weird-ass power of asking for stuff out loud. Triple-whee for that.
Comments. Since I’m already asking …
I am adding to my practice of asking for stuff by being more specific about I would like to receive in the comments. And that way, if you feel like leaving one (you totally don’t have to), you get to be part of this experiment too. 🙂
Here’s what I want:
- Your own personal ads, small or large. Things you’ve asked for. Or are asking for. Or would like to ask for.
- Thoughts or ideas about ways any of the personal ads listed here could come true.
What I would rather not have:
- Reality theories.
- Shoulds. As in, “You should be doing it like this” or “That’s not the right way to ask for things — instead it should be like x, y and z”
- To be judged or psychoanalyzed.
My commitment.
I am committing to getting better at asking for things even when asking feels weird. I’m committing to giving time and thought to the things that people say, and I will interact with their ideas and with my own stuff as compassionately and honestly as is possible for me.
Thanks for doing this with me! You guys rock. I say that every time, but still true.
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I am still looking for some financial sustainability. The closest I’ve gotten to this is that my boyfriend is paying for my Senior First Aid training, which will help me get a wider range of jobs.
My horoscopes everywhere are saying “you will be granted with awesome opportunities soon!”, but honestly it’s a bit discouraging when you’ve done everything you could think of and you still get rejected.
I want to be awesome, but I kinda need money to pay rent and bills and food before I can commence on the rest of my awesomeness!
So consider this a renewal of my last few personal ads.
I really want – actually need – more time to myself. Not “me time”, as such, just time to do things – to work – and also to sleep, frankly. I want this to happen by my baby (a) taking longer naps, (b) sleeping through the night, and (c) being happy to play longer by herself when she’s awake, so I can sit down at the keyboard next to her for more than 5 minutes at a time.
I will commit to:
– practising using every 5 minutes I do have effectively, because clearly I’m not going to be able to do my 2hour sunk-in-work thing for a while;
– trying out that Shiva stuff that I bought a few months ago and haven’t even looked at yet (see “having a baby”), because hey, maybe that’ll help with (a);
– trying not to feel like a whinyass bad mommy for even having the cheek to ask for baby to give me a bit of my time back. Oy.
Two things:
First, Havi, while you’re waiting to learn the day, you can certainly share one of mine: my FWID’s day is October 16, my Dad (WID)’s day is May 15. These days suck alone (although they do suck less as time goes on), so I’d be grateful to share them with someone who understands.
Second, a personal ad:
I would like to have a way to apply for and track all of my opportunities and commitments. It would be a simple way, but one which stayed in front of my face so I didn’t forget what was going on.
My commitment: I will consider all of the options presented to me with an open mind, while remembering this solution must meet my needs (and not agreeing to a solution because someone else thinks it’s the best one). I will also commit to trying a new system for one week without chucking it out the window.
I would like to ask for: permission not to work so damn hard.
This is sort of an update to my earlier ad asking for things to be more “easy and fun”. I’ve found more easy and fun by not micromanaging myself so much, choosing things I *want* to do rather than feel I *have* to do a little more often, and generally giving myself a break.
Now I sometimes feel like a slacker who doesn’t get anything done, though. 🙁 There’s just no pleasing me!
So, if I can please have permission to work only as much as I can easily handle, so that I keep my sense of enthusiasm and fun for my Thing, that would be great.
I will commit to:
– making progress, even if little by little, on the things that are important.
– enjoying myself.
– pulling all the stops and working like a little maniac *when that becomes necessary*
Dear Self, you know I can work really hard when I need to. Can we be a little more selective about the times that that’s really necessary, so I don’t feel like I’m on the brink of insanity so much?
Thank you,
Me
.-= Willie Hewes´s last post … If you register your site for free at =-.
Jen: How about an Excel/Access document that you can update every so often? I made up something similar for my sponsorship queries when I was trying to get into the Kaospilots last year.
Willie: I give you permission! 🙂
Here’s something else: I would like to get back to a normal sleeping schedule and not be so jetlagged. I commit to, well, sleeping. (It’s 1:27AM now. GWARGH!)
.-= Tiara´s last post … The New Liberal Arts: Get a copy =-.
My personal ad:
Background: I have enough customers right how to keep me busy. And I love them all.
But…there are some changes afoot at some of them that could mean that my work for them will decrease or stop.
So….I am asking for a new customer. Here’s what this customer would be like:
They would have about 10-100 employees. They would be local (at least within Minnesota). They would be in an industry different from one that I am already working in (because variety is awesome!) They would mostly use Microsoft technologies.
The person who I would be dealing with would be happy to communicate (for the most part) via email. They would like technology and not be afraid of it. But they don’t need to be a geek or anything. They would have a lot of integrity. They would not panic over trivia.
They would have an idea for some custom software that would totally make a profound difference for their business. Something that could help them save a ton of money or help them gain more market share by providing their customers something awesome. And I would build it for them.
I’m excited just thinking about them! Yay!
.-= Avonelle Lovhaug´s last post … The life and times of a software detective =-.
Robynn – I call myself the Mombie because my sons both slept for only 1.5 hours at a time for 2.5 years each (that’s 5 years in total) and I know some things I would have done differently. If you want to chat about them or just need someone to whine to, I am chrisATmombieDOTcom and @isekhmet on twitter.
And given my experience, I feel fully qualified to let you off the hook for feeling “like a whinyass bad mommy for even having the cheek to ask for baby to give me a bit of my time back. Oy.”
I’m not the first one to make this comparison (and I won’t be the last) but it is true: In the instructions you get before flying they advise you to put on your oxygen mask first before helping other people – it also applies in mothering. if you feel disjointed, tired and frazzled, you will have nothing left to give to your baby, so do your best to find a way to recharge, to take care of the things you need to. And good luck!
Tiara, Jen and Willie – I wish you luck and I send positive vibes your way.
Havi – I hope the universe soon delivers the information you need, and good luck with your book! I look forward to it. 🙂
Oh, Jen, would a system like this work for you: http://www.lifehack.org/articles/productivity/back-to-basics-the-tickler-file.html
Or perhaps reQall? http://www.reqall.com/
Here’s what I want:
I am asking for clarity on the issue of What I Want to Do With my Work Life. I am looking for a new direction, or confirmation that what I am considering a is an authentic way to go. I would then like permission to pursue What I Want to Do. But first things first… the new direction does not need to be terribly profitable or appear sensible to critics. I am open to scary, exciting and overwhelming, but not soul-sucking, mind-numbing or useless.
Here’s how I want to get this:
Through a suggestion or offer from someone I trust.
From an article or inspiration I find on the internet or other media source.
From a soul stirring and astonishing moment of personal inspiration. (Is that too much to ask?)
My commitment.
I will pay close attention to what comes up, from both internal and external sources.
I will consider all options that come to my attention, and weigh them with my authenticity gauge (which I am about to invent).
Thank you Havi for creating this space.
Thing 1. I want my employers to respect and help treat my RSI.
My supervisors will start acknowledging the issue and supporting me. They will make it clear that they realize I’m doing the best I can and will not expect me to work beyond my physical capability. They will be willing to invest in the equipment I need to function and to allow me to telecommute as needed.
(Hey, we can always want things that flatly contradict reality, right?)
All the people involved in the acquisition of this equipment will do so promptly and respectfully.
I will commit to performing excellent work within my current physical limits. I will be clear and communicative with my employers about my limitations and needs.
Thing 2. I want a design and coding whiz to make my blog beautiful. This person will understand what my jewelry and self all about and will create a blog design that reflects that. The design will be awesome in its beauty, professionalism and ease of use.
In return, I will compensate my design guru with custom jewelry equal in worth to the time spent on the design. The jewelry will be fabulous, well made, and a fair compensation for the time.
I will also commit to investing in whatever WordPress add-ons my guru needs to do his or her work, and to providing the information and resources s/he needs.
.-= Lindley´s last post … Making a living on Etsy = winning the lottery? =-.
Willie, I have no helpful suggestions for your ad, but since it could have easily been written out of my own head I just wanted to say hey, you’re definitely not alone on that one.
.-= Lindley´s last post … Making a living on Etsy = winning the lottery? =-.
Robynn, no guarantee this will work for you but it’s was a major help when my daughter was a baby. During the day I would mix her formula at about 80% of the suggested portion to water. (Her mother didn’t breast feed and I became a house-husband because she couldn’t stand the thought of staying home with infants any longer..long story!) At night, I would add about 25% more formula mix than suggested. My daughter didn’t get hungry nearly as soon and was sleeping through most of the night by her 3rd or 4th month. Hope that helps.
.-= steve weaver´s last post … Your On-line Presence =-.
Sending good vibes for your personal ads. I think I’m gearing up to become a Shivanaut – can feel cogs grinding somewhere internal. Not quite there yet, though.
My personal ad this week is not unrelated to Robynn’s, but it’s all about the sleep.
What I want: To go to bed earlier. I have never been any good at this, and it’s kicking my ass at the moment. I’ve tried many, many strategies over the years, to very little avail. The fact is, I LIKE staying up late. I DON’T LIKE going to bed early. But it’s got to the point where my wellbeing and my relationships with the rest of my household (husband, two young sons) are suffering. And I STILL haven’t managed to change it.
How it could happen: Magic. I don’t know. I’m out of ideas. Hayulp.
My commitment: When I figure out a way to do this, I will stick with it for as long as I can. I will pay attention to the benefits it brings to my life.
.-= Lean Ni Chuilleanain´s last post … Very Secret Mysteries: Knitting =-.
i want rent. for myself and my friend.
how this can happen:
i can sell a painting. (they are pretty! they are good!)
someone can give it to me.
that is all.
Checking in on the-week-before-last’s-ads:
1. Shiva Nata got put off guiltlessly, but I did get to talk to my visitor about it, and I made a little space to just practice tiny pieces of it while making tea.
2. Work did in fact wait without big emergencies, and there are a few money-making things waiting, though not as many as I’d like.
3. Vacation was awesome — really everything I could have asked for. I managed to do some low-end illustration work for friends (non-commerical, just fan stuff) and pay for the festivities for myself relatively painlessly.
Apparently this thing works! This week I have just one ask:
What I Want: I want to have something happen that will bring in money in decent amounts. I want enough money to alleviate some of the constant, draining stress about it, and allow me to choose at least one expensive work-thing-that-needs-paying-for to be paid for.
How it Could Happen: One of the prospects I’m waiting on could decide it’s time to start work. A piece of art could sell, or a new commission could come in. I could get an offer to sell a collectible I have but am willing to let go of. An offer for temporary work could happen. It could come as a surprise, a prize of some kind, or a gift from a relative.
My Commitment: I will keep putting myself out there as best I can, and be paying attention and ready to say ‘yes’ when the opportunity presents itself.
.-= Amy Crook´s last post … Work Like a Gift =-.
Havi ~ Just wanted you to know that whenever and however the Shivanaut manual flows from you to us, I will be so happy to have it. And I couldn’t even possibly know all of the questions I have, I’m in such a state of not even knowing what I don’t know, so any and all of your wisdom will be a huge treat.
Willie ~ permission granted (go check out Goddess Leonie’s permission slip post 🙂
Here’s what I want:
I want to move to a new city and I want to find the right work there that will support me financially while I work on building my own business. Ideally the moving and the work will come together at the same time (with a move date by Fall). I’d like the work to be flexible and project based and leave plenty of time for the other work, the work I love.
I’d like it to come:
Through someone I already know, a suggestion or referral, where it suits us all wonderfully and we’re so happy to have found each other.
My commitment:
I’ll be grateful for the smoothness and ease of it all, and I’ll commit to doing that moolah-making job fully and appreciate it for the value of supporting me while I go big with building my business and following my heart.
Whew. Thank you.
.-= Briana´s last post … Heat seeking missile =-.
My personal ad:
Wanted: An illustrator who understands Shiva Nata, digs simple designs, and likes magic tricks.
My personal advice:
@Jen: I use a tickler file. Get 43 folders. Put the numbers 1 through 31 on 31 of them. Put the months January through December on the other 12. Store ’em all upright in a wire basket thing. Say you get an invite to some event two weeks from now. You don’t want to deal with it right now, but you want to look at soon. Drop it in the folder that’s numbered three days later than today. Every day, you grab the front folder, empty it on your desk, and move it to the back. Then you sort through all the stuff that was in the folder.
@Lean Ni Chuilleanain: Pick a time, set an alarm, brush your teeth, get in bed. Now tell yourself a bedtime story. Stuffed animals and funny voices help. You can keep it in your head if you don’t want people to hear you. The creative energy required to think up a bedtime story is so immense, it’s mentally exhausting. Guaranteed to put you to sleep in 10 minutes. Plus, if you think up something cool, you can share it with your kids the next night.
Update on my house personal ad. I have since seen not one, but *two* amazing houses that would be absolutely dreamy for the hubster and I. So, I’ll continue the ad by asking for the house buying process to be simple, quick, and stress-free and that we’ll move easily into our dream home within the next three months. Yay!
I commit to living with an open-mind and light-hearted, adventurous attitude about the process in the meantime.
My next ad still needs some tweaking, so I’ll be working on that one for next time.
Thank you, Havi for providing this space where all my personal ads are coming true! 🙂
.-= leah´s last post … Wreck This Journal with Fire! =-.
Here’s what I want:
1) For my friend Christine to find a job where her employers value her, her colleagues support her and where she is able to build up her confidence in her abilities.
How I would like that to happen: Through friends, through caring people, and through her own efforts so that the finding of the job can contribute to building her confidence.
My commitment: To continue to support her through the changes in her life and to help her in her job search in any way that I can.
2) For myself, to find furniture that that I absolutely love foe my living room and bedroom, so that I don’t have to compromise with stuff that I sort of like. And at a price that is reasonable.
How I would like that to happen: Effortlessly. Without having to shop for weeks, I would like to just see pieces that make me feel happy and that would be perfect for my place.
My commitment: To bring these beautiful pieces of furniture home and love them for years.
Thank you Havi, I have only recently discovered your site and feel very positively about this personal ad exercise.
I am sending out positive vibes to everyone with a personal ad here!
My first personal ad:
I want to find more of “my” people online.
As a person with “stuff” I love this blog, and have discovered some wonderful new ones through the links and last posts. But I don’t have any products or services to sell or anything I want to bigify. I’m not an entrepreneur or climbing a corporate ladder. I’m already at the top of my profession in that I get to teach kids all day (high school), and I’m already in touch with people online about the most effective teaching methods ever.
But, I have trouble managing myself and applying what I learn in the real world. Did I mention I also have “stuff?” I want to find a community of people (not necessarily teachers) who have somewhat similar schedule constraints. Fixed hours that are non-negotiable, significant related work/administrivia that can’t be completed during those hours, plus the need to somehow find time to do the truly important stuff that can’t be done at work. And also the need to deal with challenging people of various ages.
I could stumble across such a group myself online or elsewhere, or someone here or IRL could point me to it.
I promise to connect with people and contribute to such a group, and to appreciate the things I find here that apply to me as well.
Thanks universe, and thanks Havi for the prompt to think about it and the place to put it out there.
I’ve just been reading your site for the first time and love your idea of personal ads. I want to play too and here is what I want…
I want to remember a new way of doing trauma counselling with children. I am studying counselling and have completed two years of a psychology degree and I have this feeling that what I am learning is all too old. There is a new way and I want to remember it, I know it is in there somewhere.
When I remember it, I want to open trauma counselling centres all over the world and I want people who have experienced trauma through violent crimes to come to these centres to find their own healing and forgiveness.
Then lastly if it’s not too much to ask, I want the world to sit up and take notice of the new way and to embrace it and think it’s really cool.
That’s about it!
.-= Marilyn´s last post … Rolling with the Punches =-.
I’m going to venture out and give my first personal ad.
What I want: I want to find an affordable apartment to buy in my home suburb. I’d like it to be full of light, with a balcony and a decent layout, and in a pretty block. Ideally, I’d like to move in after I finish house-sitting at my parents’ in September.
How it could happen: Maybe an ad on the real estate site will catch my attention. Maybe a friend or acquaintance will know of someone who’s selling. Maybe I’ll come across the block and see the For Sale notice on the gate.
My commitment: I will love and look after my new nest, fill it with flowers and friends and family and music and good food. I will be a good neighbour and local citizen.
…Nervous, but hopeful.
Ha ha, thanks for the permission, guys. 🙂
Lean, I think I have the opposite problem to yours, I can’t get to bed early enough! (Hmm… nap time…) You’ve probably tried this, but: get up earlier? Set a timelock on your computer? Rubber mallet?
Lindley, I might be able to help you with the blog. Except for the not having time to. Um, let me think about this and I’ll be in touch.
Havi, a new book! Yay! I’m so excited.
Also, while I can’t do anything “practical” about getting the information you want to you, I do send supportive energy and Light that you find it in exactly the right way and timing, and that this timing is SOON.
For myself, well, what @Lauren said. But since these are Personal Ads, here’s me writing it with some revision:
I am asking for clarity on the issue of What I Want to Do With my Work Life. I am looking for a new direction, or confirmation about which option I am considering is the best next step for me and my family. I would then like permission to pursue What I Want to Do. But first things first… the new direction does not need to be terribly profitable or appear sensible to critics. I am open to scary, exciting and overwhelming, but not soul-sucking, mind-numbing or useless. However, it must be profitable enough to continue to support my family, covering at leasts the basics of food, shelter, clothing, health care, infrastructure for all of that.
Here’s how I want to get this:
Through a suggestion or offer from someone I trust.
From an article or inspiration I find on the internet or other media source.
From a soul stirring and astonishing moment of personal inspiration. (Is that too much to ask? Well, no, it isn’t.)
My commitment:
I will pay close attention to what comes up, from both internal and external sources.
I will consider all options that come to my attention, as I have been.
I will pay attention to hints from the Universe about which of the many ways before me is best for me to choose right now. And I will welcome and be grateful for hints and more-than-hints.
Another personal ad:
I am looking for an end or (to be accepting of the fact that I work with humans) a marked decrease in the amount of office politics at work. I ask for a quick and simple end to the situation(s) in which personal vendettas, personality conflicts, and pettiness have taken over life at work to the detriment of both getting the job done and enjoyment of the work and the people I work with.
Ways this could happen:
Someone or several people could have deep revelations about what they are doing and saying and why it hurts them as much as anyone else.
Departments and/or procedures could be restructured so that people outside my own department make more reasonable requests of us, and have less of the belief that *everyone* gets to run us and demand more of our attention than anyone else.
I could find work elsewhere in the company with more camaraderie and less backstabbing. Or find a way to freelance instead.
Anything the Universe cares to suggest.
My commitment:
I am and will continue to be grateful that none of the politics/backstabbing etc is directed at me particularly.
I will keep my comments and attitude positive, and I will continue to do what I can to promote better communication and understanding. If I am given the opportunity to do more in this area, I will.
If I find that I am in a position to be listened to by persons key to this situation, I will keep it constructive.
.-= Anna-Liza´s last post … Pollyanna Puts The Fun Back in Her Bedroom =-.
Personal ad for something else:
I’ve just had a rough night and I need a hug.
My commitment: to appreciate that hug deeply.
how can I get this: any nice hug will do.
thank you.
.-= Tiara´s last post … The Class/Privilege Checklist [2] =-.
Tiara, do virtual hugs count?
If so, *hugs*!
.-= Lindley´s last post … Everything is connected =-.
Andere Jessica – Please consider checking out http://www.happiness-project.com and http://www.happinessprojecttoolbox.com/
If this seems like the kind of place “your people” might be, there are HP groups starting up all over the country.
If not, I wish you smooth seas as you seek what you are looking for.
I would like for my husband to be able to find an IT job, or for us to successfully sell our house, before I have to go into foreclosure at the end of this year. If both could happen, that’d be awesome.
.-= Jen Mathis´s last post … Stimulus Party =-.
What I want/need:
– I need to allow myself to feel loved.
– I need to understand that some people feel better when they take breaks from being themselves, even though I’ll probably never be like that.
– I’m very confused in the knitting of a Elizabeth Zimmerman sweater.
– More exercise.
I’d like these things:
to stretch my mind and self without lasting pain.
My commitment:
To be mindful, watchful and patient. And to take quiet jogs alone when I need them.
And thanks again Havi, you’ve helped so much.
.-= Annie Blue´s last post … Eczema Goals =-.
Update on previous personal ads: Two weeks in a row I had asked for help with writing my solo theatre play. The upshot is I got what I asked for, the draft was completed on time and I was happy with it (as was my play development mentor, who is now reviewing the script in detail and making comments for revision). Yay for asking for what we want.
What I am asking for this week:
–I would like to find a way to create more mental/emotional peace and decrease my anxiety level, without using food to do that. I have noticed that I seem to create a lot of anxiety for myself, and I would love some help in undoing this pattern/habit.
Here’s some ways it could come to me:
–I could read or divine a mantra or a phrase or a gesture or a thought that would be a reminder to me to break the pattern of creating anxiety.
–Someone could tell me, in the most heartfelt and loving way by a person, a method for doing this that speaks directly to my tendencies and patterns. Or I could participate in a brainstorming or coaching session with someone to help me figure this out. And in this session I would be completely authentic and not say “yes that might work” when I don’t really believe that, just to make the other person feel good/useful.
–It could come to me in a dream.
–I could create a morning ritual for myself that would help center me, and create a place for myself to return when I find myself pushed off-kilter by anxiety.
–Any number of ways are possible, I would be open to almost anything that doesn’t involve food or other substances or anything painful.
My commitment:
–I will be open to an answer coming to me, easily and without a lot of exerted effort. I will be gentle with myself while working on this, and not have ridiculous expectations for “fixing” myself. I will recognize myself for any progress I make on this front.
Havi,
I just want to wish for you the finding of that Day, however it comes to you. I lost someone very dear when I was 21. After a few years of sobbing uncontrollably from grief and anger and things unsaid, I tried to make myself forget the date. It wasn’t good for me and he wouldn’t have wanted it. But, much as I have no sense of time ( I sometimes have to ask myself what *year* is this, never mind month or day) when his October day comes around, I always know it. Maybe your friends can bring the date to you. But I support you in your thoughts that you could suddenly just know. I believe it’s true.
No personal ad for me this time. Just want to say Thank You. The one I wrote here then posted on my blog was answered beautifully and unexpectedly, in inner and outer gloriousity.
Love to you.
.-= Mahala Mazerov´s last post … Help Wanted =-.
Checking in from Retreat-ing to see you all and I just want to say that I love all of you so much.
So much goodness here. And kindness. And hey-I’m-paying-attention-to-my-stuff-ness.
Thank you for that! And for all these gorgeous personal ads. Love it!
My personal ad …
For my next book topic to find me; and it would be cool if it came with a publisher attached …
To set my feet firmly on my path, writing, teaching, and learning … and finding the balance for all three.
.-= Amelia G.´s last post … How do you dye a ball? =-.
My personal ad is lame, but really REALLY important:
Both of my dogs got skunked. We have a dog door. Enough said.
My house *gasp*
Oh, my house.
AD: Dog enthusiast seeks all home remedies to help clear her house of skunk. I have some serious writing I have to do and can’t work in my house like this. Three deadlines and 48 hours.
What I don’t want: Stuff to clean the dogs. I have a kick ass recipe for them and they are de-skunked.
My commitment: try what ever you have to offer (other than the coffee grounds and apple cider vinegar thing because I’m doing that already). My other commitment is, as always, to check out your stuff and see if I can help with any of the personal.
.-= melissa´s last post … Humble Pie for Breakfast =-.
What I want: I want to know, once and for all, if the university where I work will be cutting the services I provide (support of faculty teaching), and thus know whether I will lose my job. I had thought my job was safe, but a budget document emerged last week that suggests maybe not.
I have been in career/life-mission limbo for three years since graduating from my Ph.D. program, not really knowing what I’m doing because hey, I was supposed to be an academic, and now I’m not really. And literally earlier in the day that the budget document came to me, I had made a commitment to this place and my current work.
I am willing to commit to this town and its people. But I need to know about the work thing so that I can move on if it is finally time, and if the decision is going to be out of my hands.
How it could happen: Word could come down from someone with authority in university budget matters, either in the form of assurance that I have a job for, say, another year at least, or that I need to start doing something else.
My commitment: If I lose my job, I will make a commitment to move forward with one thing and one thing only. I will choose carefully among many uncertain options.
I put a personal ad here for something to happen with my art so my bills would be covered over the summer; yesterday I sold some art to my friends, another friend ran into me today and is taking some private instruction from me after August 10, and today I found out I won $300 from the Ohio Art Council for my piece in the Ohio State Fair Fine Arts show. Not quite what I had thought, but a good lesson in letting go of the hows. I had given up writing any personal ads the past few cycles because I had given up on even knowing what to ask for.
.-= Andi´s last post … Dye Party =-.
Thank you to everyone who sent advice by email or comment. House is getting better. Writing deadlines are *almost* going to be met.
.-= melissa´s last post … Skunk! =-.
Late to the game this week…but still need help from the universe.
Wanted: A way of eating that will both nourish my body and not send me straight into dysfunctional eating patterns due to a knee-jerk reaction to dietary restrictions.
How this could happen:
1) Accept that I don’t have to eat perfectly. 80-90% of the time would be better than what I’m doing now.
2) Cut down on the blogs that I read that push 100% compliance with a particular manner of eating, e.g. low carb, Paleo, etc.
3) Accept that some foods are off limits due to the severe physical reactions that they cause, e.g. gluten, dairy, soy.
4) Accept that there are some foods that I should eat less often since they don’t provide me with optimal health, e.g. grains, sugar
My commitment:
1) To appreciate my health
2) To strive to do something every day to maintain or improve my health
3) To remain physically fit
4) To remember that mental health is just as important as physical health
Today was the first time I tried an itty-bitty personal ad. I have to write an opinion piece for a publication I edit, and it’s often a struggle. So my personal ad went like this:
What I want:
A sense of how to make the piece flow from one thought to the next; or
A good headline that makes it all clear to me exactly what I want to say; or
A sense of comfort that what I want to say is valuable, which will free me up to write it.
(I don’t know if I did this right by asking for any of three alternatives, but this was my first try)
How I want it/ways it could come to me (I conflated these)
In a flash of insight
In a sudden wave of comfortableness
My commitment
I will do my best to forgive myself for “not having bigger insights to share” in the piece
Almost as soon as I wrote all this down, I sat down to write, and the piece started to flow. Holy cow.
I am new to your site, Havi, and I absolutely love it. Thank you, thank you, thank you!