Personal ads! They’re … personal! Very.
So my itty bitty personal ads made me realize that it’s time to make a regular practice of trying to feel okay asking for stuff.
Even when the asking thing feels weird and conflicted.
Ever since I posted the first one asking my perfect house to find me, which united me with Hoppy House, I have been a fan of the madness that is personal ads.
And now it’s my Sunday ritual. Yay, ritual!
Let’s do this thing.
Thing 1: For my blog to not completely die on me.
Here’s what I want:
I’m in Monterey, California teaching at my Destuckification Retreat.
So obviously this is my entire day every day all week. Which means I can’t write blog posts.
And of course I didn’t plan ahead. I mean, I thought about it but things were crazy busy and blah blah et cetera.
Now it’s time to make some decisions.
Ways this could possibly work:
Hmmm.
I could post some Unpublished stuff that I’ve written but never put up for whatever reasons.
Or some Shivanautical posts.
The Item! post is already done and the Friday Chicken will pretty much write itself. Chicken!
So it’s probably not going to be as complicated as it is in my head.
My commitment.
To let my gentleman friend decide what should get posted or not posted.
To not have to edit everything obsessively.
To love this space and everyone who is a part of it.
To recognize my own shoulds and interact with them at my own pace.
To acknowledge that I do love the regular practice of interacting with this space and that I really don’t want to go on blog vacation so I’m just not going to.
But that I also don’t have to write or create this week either.
Thing 2: follow-up.
Here’s what I want:
I record everything I teach.
With video (just of me, yes?) and audio. And back-up.
Because every once in a while I say the most genius things ever and so it’s useful to have this stuff so it doesn’t get forgotten and my people can use that information later.*
* Obviously I don’t ever share the video or audio — I just use it to gather ideas and concepts.
Theoretically.
But then I never upload it to my laptop. Or if I do, I don’t do anything with it.
I want a practice of organizing these files, remembering that they exist, getting transcriptions, going over them with a highlighter …
And for this practice to not take over my entire life.
Ways this could work:
Uh.
??????????
Maybe I’ll hire Cairene to help me work out a Useful System.
Maybe my gentleman friend can take it over.
Maybe …
Oh, I don’t know. I’m open to miraculous things that aren’t complicated and annoying.
My commitment.
To consider different options.
To laugh.
To give this time. After all, a couple of years ago, this whole thing would have completely freaked me out.
Thing 3: quiet. And peace of mind.
Here’s what I want:
For no one to have emergencies while I’m gone.
For the group leaders at the Kitchen Table to keep tabs on things.
For stuff to work. Smoothly. Effortlessly. Without me being around to take care of things.
Ways this could work:
Magic?
Trust?
It just could?
My commitment.
To remember that my business isn’t a baby anymore, and that it’s totally earned the right to borrow the car keys.
To breathe. To dance. To cry. To trust when I can and ask for help when I can’t.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
Okay. I wanted to make good use of the Iguanability Deguiltified Chicken Board thing and boy did I ever.
I posted stuff every single day and it was awesome. I seriously credit everything I got done this week to the Iguanas.
We also posted a VPA for Riin who wanted someone to take her metal clay and gemstones and stuff. I peeked at her blog and it looks like there were some likely takers so yay. I hope.
And I wanted restfulness. Which I’ve been working on with my Thirty Days of Relaxation practice and it’s been addictive and fabulous.
Also I did mad Dance of Shiva all week — really, really badly — and had moments of bing all over the place and it was the happy.
So wow. Good stuff on all of these. That’s terrific.
Comments. Since I’m already asking …
I am adding to my practice of asking for stuff by being more specific about what I would like to receive in the comments.
Here’s what I want (just leave them in the comments):
- Your own personal ads, small or large. Things you’ve asked for. Or are asking for. Or would like to ask for. Or updates on last time!
What I would rather not have:
- Reality theories.
- Shoulds. As in, “You should be doing it like this” or “That’s not the right way to ask for things — instead it should be like x, y and z”
- To be judged or psychoanalyzed.
- Advices.
My commitment.
I am committing to getting better at asking for things even when asking feels weird.
Thanks for doing this with me!
Follow
The silence was deafening on the Craiglist ad for my office space 🙁
I guess I will put it up again and give it another try. If there is still no response then I guess I will buckle down and spend money for an ad in the local paper. I’m pretty discouraged by all the “for rent” signs around town. But I have a really beautiful and unique space. There has to be someone out there who would want to rent it, right?
Another option is to sell the building. Probably will have to do that at some point in the future, but I really would like to hang on to my “retreat” for another 2.5 years as I finish my coursework and do my dissertation. It really is a wonderful space to work in. But it is a drain on the finances.
So I ask the universe to help like me up with the right tenant who will get as my joy and productivity out of the space as I have.
What I want:
There is the situation, wherein I may need to pay for 2 apartments at once. I would like this to resolve itself in either one of 2 ways. One – I make an extra $600 by Friday. Which currently doesn’t exactly look hopeful. Two – someone else rents the apartment for February.
Either way, I need this to work out in a way I can handle. Which basically means, I don’t want to get sued. Or have my legs broken cus I couldn’t pay a landlord.
Ways This Could Work:
– The $600 could magically fall into my lap. Or something.
– I could sell enough prints in my sale to make up the $600.
– I could sell a painting in my sale…?
– The person coming to see the apartment on Monday could fall in love and take it
– Someone else could find the apartment and take it
– Magic.
– Shit luck.
My commitment:
– To promote my moving sale to the best of my ability.
– To be super awesome to anyone who comes to the apartment
– To try to be hopeful. Even though I’m terrified.
Amen. Or something.
I’m glad you’re getting some restfulness, Havi. 🙂
Updates on past ads:
I still haven’t written the comment rules, because I am afraid that someone will be offended/won’t like me. Working on it. I may go with the Dr. Seuss approach for now, it says what I need to say but not in a finger-wagging way.
I was talking to Marty about the speaking/teaching. I have a paralyzed vocal cord and can’t see speaking/teaching for two whole days, I’d have no voice left by the end. He said “What if it were only one day?”. So I am thinking about it.
And it wasn’t an ad, but it was the day we wrote letters to elephants. I wrote my studio, and I was able to visit her twice last week 😀 She is very happy with me, and loves the vanilla/sandlewood candle I got for her.
This week:
Ask one:
I would like patience with the surface design process. I have several exhibit opportunities and new work wants to be created for these opportunities. Some of it involves dyeing and painting and I don’t know what yet. (Some shibori stitching in there too).
I can do yoga or Shiva Nata to help keep me centered.
I can trust once I begin I will know what to do.
I can relax and allow mistakes to happen and not try to control the outcomes, because dyeable fabric is only $4.99 a yard and there truly is more at the store.
Ask two:
I would like to know more about how Christo and Jean Claude funded their work. I remember reading that they funded The Gates totally by themselves, by selling drawings, etc. I have two big pieces on the design wall which are going to need more fabric, and it occurred to me that I could fund pieces in progress using similar methods.
I can make use of the university library and Marty’s student status to check out any books about them.
I can Google for information.
I can still proceed with the work and trust that the materials will be available when it is time to use them (the hardest step of all!)
Whew. 🙂 Have a great week at the retreat! And yay for answers for us all.
.-= Andi´s last post … The Stern Workshop =-.
I was all ready to put up a VPA for some books that I’ve been looking for (for about two weeks) that are so ridiculously out of print that no one has them.
But then I was able to get the books last night. Also only had to pay $11 instead of the $50-ish that one of the other sellers wanted.
So… yes, The Secret and all of that.
.-= Blue´s last post … More I Will Teach You To Be Rich: Blue’s Money Diaries =-.
I have just had the hugest shoe thrown at me by someone that I really care about. Out of the blue. Wallop. Thwack. Me – stunned and bewildered that sharing knowledge about something quite innocent as I did triggered such rage and insecurity in this person. From 1-100 in literally 2 seconds flat, there was no listening to be had there and the situation just got worse and worse.
The force of this shoe means that everything has been called into question. Although it hurts, hurts, hurts, I KNOW that this is just as it should be. I have my sovereignity and so it’s ok not to forgive everything to the point that you invite more shoes of the most painful kind to be thrown.
So to VPA it…
I’d like this bundle of hurt and lost to talk to me so that I know how to help myself. I would like to arrive at a solution or an answer that is healthy for me and also somehow fair.
I would like NOT to sink into depression. Because I did not do anything wrong and I don’t deserve nor need to be around that kind of behavior – even if they are hurting, for whatever reason that is. And even if I am alone again it’s ok. Because I cannot force someone to get that certain behavior is just not acceptable. I cannot teach someone how to be both IN their anger and yet NOT BE ABSORBED BY IT so that it, anger, rage, insecurity, hurt, runs amok and destroys intimacy as if shot from a gun firing haphazardly at everything/everyone in sight.
I’d like for huge amounts of comfort to come and meet me today and this week to help me deal with this stuff, to open to letting go and grieving if that’s what I need to do, to clarify any decisions I may need to make and for help with any painful conversations that need to be had.
I would like to ask for ways to find comfort that sustain me and help me find clarity and a sense of peace and to ease any despair that comes up.
I would like to know when to quit and when to keep giving something a go. I don’t know how to measure this sometimes. It is so hard. Because we all throw shoes.
I have a new job starting on Wednesday. I’d like to do a good job and be absorbed in it in a good way. Not stressful or exhausting. Doable please. I would like this big hurt not to interrupt my capacity to do a good job.
How comfort, clarity and peace could come to me.
As it stands I don’t really know. But this is the start I suppose. ANswers will come to me today somehow.
My Very Personal Ad:
I want some organization for my school materials – my books, notes, study sheets, flashcards, and administrative paperwork – so that I can trust a system to keep things on track and not have to remember everything in my head.
This could work in several ways. I could get a desk with a file drawer or just a file cabinet and small bookshelf. Or I could create a genius file system based on piles and not purchase anything. Or rearrange books in my big bookshelf to make space for my new school life. Or something else could come to me.
My commitment is that I will be thoughtful about this and not shove a convenient and quick solution on to the mess just to be done with it. I will give my school things the attention and care they deserve. I will continue to love my new textbooks and create flashcards and take notes while I work on a solution.
Feels like the Real Estate Edition of the VPAs. Here’s mine:
I want my Right Tentants to find the vacant apartment I have for rent. To love it and do whatever bureaucratic stuff they need to do to make it happen. To move in Soon, and pay rent on time and in full. To take good care of the property, and, by being so great, to ease my worry and money-suck from having an empty apartment.
Some of the people who are supposed to come see it today could show up and fall in love and move fast. I could re-circulate info about it to my circle, and news of it could reach the right someone. Other ways it could happen? I’m not particular.
I will give them a beeyootiful place to live, and be responsive to their needs. And appreciate them for solving my problem.
This week, I want health. More specifically, I want help to get myself back to my pre-swine flu level of functioning. Ever since I got swine flu in July, I’ve been lucky to snatch one or two weeks of feeling ‘like myself’ in between 1-2 months of feeling exhausted and ill.
I’m going to try and make sure I’m eating decent foods, resting, try and see if taking the bus is a viable alternative to walking the 3+ miles to work each day, not beating myself about being so ‘weak’. I’m going to look into seeing if some supplements might help me, and perhaps alternative remedies, although I doubt I could afford an extended treatment. I can stop trying to do everything and cut back to essentials. I could be open to suggestions, hints from the universe. And, of course, listen to my body.
My VPA last week regarding relationships has partially been succesful, although having spent the whole of last week being ill has put a strain on some relationships, espcially as I had to cancel on one friend twice.
.-= Jane´s last post … Blank Friday =-.
Keeping my VPA very simple this week:
Wanted: A peaceful, satisfying artist date, this afternoon. Highlights to include browsing through quirky little shops, feasting on vanilla ice cream, and sitting at my leisure in a cafe, reading, writing, and people-watching.
How this can happen: It’s all up to me. All I have to do is gather my things and take the twenty minute drive to the place I have in mind. I just need to resist the whole whack-a-mole array of distractions and “shoulds”.
My commitment: *glances at clock* Within the next 60-90 minutes, I will gather my things, get in my car, and go! 🙂
Thanks for being here, everyone. 🙂
.-= Kathleen Avins´s last post … Dramatis personae =-.
My Very Personal Ad for this week:
I’m looking to hire someone to help me with the CSS on my blog.
Id like to make a few “simple” changes, including making all the navigation tabs fit on one row instead of getting scrunched up on the left, and changing the font on the tabs and the sidebars.
The blog has an “Edit CSS” option, but I haven’t the slightest clue how to do it myself. I’m hoping I could hire someone for about an hour’s work to help me with it.
Ways this could happen:
Maybe someone will respond to this ad here? Or maybe someone will connect me to the right person?
.-= Michelle´s last post … How to Write a Good Tagline for Your Small Business =-.
Havi, your thing #2 sounds like a job for a really cool intern. Someone cool, discreet, gungho about destuckification & fluent selfyness but probably without the cash to partake in your retreats firsthand. With mad typing/transcription skills. Just a thought…
Updates: Ok, so last week’s ask felt like an unmitigated disaster, but I have been garnering insights about the whole asking thing from it. N.B.: these are my thoughts, not intended to be rules or shoulds, nor to replace anyone else’s interpretations.
When an ask involves other people directly, specificity seems key. Also clarity regarding what is wanted. Faith that people will behave the way you expect is nice, but it’s probably better to be completely direct as awkward as that may feel.
Also, there’s a matter of scope. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with putting an ask out there that involves a great many people, but to get the result wanted, there probably has to be an equally great commitment that maintains personal connections with individuals. Generally speaking, greater ask success is probably directly proportionate to the asker’s fame, popularity, or size of her/his personal network. This is not to say an average Joe won’t receive his large people ask, just that more commitment may be required, a grass roots approach if you will.
Anyway, for a week in which I pondered the usefulness of any ask involving other people, I got one answered late Friday night. (Well 2 actually, since Havi wished me a balmy windsday. Even though it wasn’t an official VPA, it was definitely an ask getting answered.) The other answer was from a VPA about 2-3 months ago though its asking has really spanned 5-6 YEARS. A group of photos that only 2 people could provide arrived in my email. I’d gotten an email pre-xmas that he’d send them when he got home post-holidays & I’d just started pondering a reminder note this past week. But I didn’t have to send it, so yea.
This week:
Health: I’d like to be completely over whatever knocked me flat on Friday.
How: well, I have a strong aversion to doctors so I’m hoping rest, listening to my body, & eating well will continue to put me back on track.
commitment: I’ll keep figuring out the doctor thing in mind if I start feeling worse.
.-= claire´s last post … Kinetic sculpture: winter, night =-.
p.s. thanks again for the balmy shout out, Havi!
.-= claire´s last post … Kinetic sculpture: winter, night =-.
Update from last week’s ask:
My course has a name!
99.9% of the details have been decided.
This weeks ask (well, asks):
What I want #1: For Tuesday’s free call to go well. To know what my listeners need to hear. To be able to calm my nervousness so that I don’t forget what I’m saying mid-sentence or stumble on my words too much.
How it could happen: A little out-loud practice will help me feel more comfortable. People will submit questions so I’ll know what needs to be said. I’ll remember to stay in my body. I’ll remember to use Havi’s Emergency Calming Techniques.
My commitment: To take lots of Shiva Nata breaks while I work between now and then. To make getting ready for the call my #1 priority.
What I want #2: Decisions on the final, remaining details of my course, especially on how best to brunch it.
How it could happen: No clue…somehow I’ll just have to know confidently enough to outweigh my stuckness around doing this. I could remember that no matter what I decide, it’ll be okay.
My commitment: More Shiva Nata. More grounding and centering. To take the next step, even if I can’t see the one after it.
.-= Victoria Brouhard´s last post … Quitting the Man: 85 Days Since Freedom =-.
What I Want: to find a good, regular salsa dancing partner who has my same level of commitment to practicing, performing and competing.
How it could happen: I could decide to go to today’s Partner Search event and keep an open mind about who is there, hush my inner snob. I could also go to the event with confidence that the Universe is bringing said partner who will want to dance with ME, rather than me having to find someone.
My commitment: To sit in whole brain posture before the event over the stuckness I feel over no one wanting to dance with me until it moves. Togo to the event (not chicken out). To wear a smile and dance with everyone who asks. To ask everyone who doesn’t ask, even the really good dancers who intimidate me.
.-= lynn @ human, being´s last post … Days of Grace: 286/365 =-.
Last week’s (or…last time?) VPA: not going so great – so, I would like to re-ask for jobs.
But on the other hand, I did launch my Thing! With minimum freaking out about it. I don’t think I posted about it last time, but it was something I was wanting.
Anyways, what I want: rent money. Umm, for obvious reasons.
Ways this could happen: someone could hire Matt and/or I and pay us before next week? I could get clients? I have no idea, but I’m continuing to hope something works out, or we can get something worked out with our landlord. I think if nothing else the chance of the landlord working with us is good & we can pay our rent with our tax refund.
Ehhh anyways. My commitment: to keep trying! and to not freak out and turn into a blubbering pile of nerves. I think I can handle it.
.-= Michelle´s last post … How to Stop Worrying All the Damn Time =-.
Havi, I might know someone interested in transcribing for you, I will see about connector-mousing the two of you.
Update on Previous: No movement yet on the art biggification. I’ve been working on a few things from my end, though, including some Valentines for the Etsy shop, and attending Blonde Chicken’s classes about selling your handmade things.
This Week’s Ask: More cartoon clients! I’d especially love it if people would take advantage of my “Buy Some Art, Be a Cartoon” sale, but even people who are just looking to be cartoonified could come flocking before the end of the week.
How This Might Happen: Someone that’s been wanting a cartoon can find the money for it. Someone that’s been wanting art can get a windfall and decide to spend it on something beautiful for their home. Someone totally new could see my Be a Cartoon page and decide they absolutely must have one. Something could surprise me.
My Commitment: To keep working hard on the projects I do have. To find a way to keep my drawing fingers nimble. To advertise my Valentines, my Cartoons, and my Art, even when I just want to curl under the covers and hide. To hide a little anyway, if it seems necessary.
.-= Amy Crook´s last post … How is a cartoon like copywriting? =-.
Ah. My first VPA. Hello!
My Ask: To finish the ebook for my new course.
How it could happen: I could simply get wildly inspired and write like a mad woman and have it all laid out in an hour or two. Or, I could ask a smarty-pants friend to support me and check in with me about it throughout the week. I could go for a walk in the park and perhaps the words will begin to flow. Other ways? I’m open to ideas.
My commitment: To take that walk (or walks), to spend time being quiet and interacting with the voices of fear and anxiety that repress my creativity, to elicit the help of others.
Just a very quick update on my VPA’s and spontaneous appearances of mysterious benefactors.
the last VPA I did was at the beginning of the month, and I asked for better connections with my right people. I hate to admit that I turned down an opportunity with some right people, but at least I now recognize what I did, and am more likely to reach out again, next time… hopefully soon. I don’t want to say “no” to the universe, because I worry that it may listen to me and not send me any more great opportunities… so ‘yes, please… what I meant to say was yes. :)’
I asked for momentum, gently, in the area of getting going in a new direction, starting with the GRE and being brave and realizing I’m a very capable person… Well, I got some GRE books… Now I think I had better crack them and get on some GRE websites with excitement instead of trepidation. or at least before it turns into an iguana 🙂
Thing three, well. Who knows. I am just going to enjoy my spring break.
And, my surprise S.A.M.B. 😀 I have a secret goal which I have broadcast for a year or two, making it not-very-secret of doing a backflip. Crazy, unlikely, not very “productive” goal, but there it is. Through some odd circumstances and being open with my wacky personality, I came to the attention of my mysterious benefactor, who I have never met, and he and his wife decided they wanted to sponsor my class in gymnastics for the next 9 weeks. ! crazy, I know. He had a stroke about a year ago, I’m guessing he is fairly young, and is no longer able to do the activities he enjoyed. He came into some money, saw a post I made, and asked to sponsor me. ! I worried about it for a weekend (is this guy a creep, who does this, etc.) and then realized I should just let the universe fulfill this unofficial VPA. 🙂 So this coming Tuesday night is my first class. So hooray, everyone!
Best wishes to all for the coming week. <3
🙂
Ingrid
An update on the gemstones and metal clay and stuff: the gemstones are spoken for. I’ve been putting the metal clay and stuff up on eBay (http://shop.ebay.com/riing/m.html — I’ve got about half the auctions up and I’ll try to do the rest tomorrow night). 10% of the auction sales are going to Doctors without Borders.
So…yeah. Yay. 🙂
.-= Riin´s last post … Silvery updatiness =-.
I got through this week! Yay!
What I would like this week:
to sleep well. Please.
Ways this could happen:
small dinners
not too much wine
walk as much as I can, wear myself OUT physically!
Tonight was warm and humid -excellent!
I finally got my Christmas tree down!
Havi, you are such an inspiration to me, as are all the people in this extended community.
Here’s my very personal ad:
My ask: I want to be brave enough to work on my Thing. To begin biggifying. I want to take myself seriously enough that any doubts are just noise I can be compassionate with, instead of the s’posed-to “facts” I’m s’posed-to believe. When I think about the more-biggified people who I feel like I “should” be like, who I “should” have as a cohort, who I feel like are so much farther along than I am (and on what measure anyway?) I want to not feel jealous. I want to have enough faith in myself that their accomplishments are just cool pieces of information, not a comparison.
How this can happen: I will write every day. I will take on big ideas and be unafraid to wrestle with them. If I start whining about can’t and its cousins, I will notice that I’m doing that, and I will then write out talking to my can’ts, instead of just believing them and stopping writing.
Big scary commitment: Good or bad, pretty or ugly-clumsy, I will post what I write to my brand-new baby blog, that I almost didn’t tell y’all about, I almost didn’t put in the “website” field for this comment.
.-= Karen´s last post … Hello world! =-.
Havi,
thanks so much for providing this space. It’s taken me several weeks of reading these to get through my stuckness and post my own.
What I want: To earn more then enough money from doing things I love and enjoy to live in a way that feels good to me.
How this might happen: my binaural meditations and other internet marketing stuff to take off like a rocket, create the public speaking business that I’ve wanted, a combination of the two, something else that I haven’t even imagined.
My commitment: to keep working on the binaural business stuff, doing as much as I can to find my right people for this, and at the same time talking to and releasing my stuckness around doing it. to not forget that I want/feel called to be a motivational speaker, even though I’m not feeling like right now is the time to persue it directly. to celebrate the success I’m having (even if it feel like it’s tiny).
.-= Andy Dolph´s last post … Recombobulation =-.
First VPAs ever! (I think…)
Anyway:
What I want: For this presentation I’m doing on Saturday to come together with E-A-S-E, and for my strength and voice to bounce back before I leave for DC on Wednesday.
Ways it could work: When I look through the preso, it’s closer than I think. And I’m relaxed and receptive, so the needed ideas are very nearby and accessible. And maybe my (long) flight out is an easy one, so I can do a little work or get some rest there, too. And my voice/strength are just a blip, not an indicator of something worse that’s imminent.
My commitment: To devote three hours of quality time tomorrow and Tuesday. And to get to sleep early (starting now!).
.-= Colleen Wainwright´s last post … Poetry Thursday: Change is a bitch, but she’s my bitch =-.
What I want: To grok that Thingamajig that’s In Here.
The Thingamajig doesn’t trust me so It won’t tell me what It needs. I understand why It doesn’t trust me, and I’m okay with It not trusting me now, but I would really like It to trust me so we can talk.
Ways it could work: The Thingamajig and I tell jokes to each other to ease the tension. We could go on a date. We could talk to the point the Thingamajig is comfortable with. We could have a long, quiet weekend together. We could talk for set time limit then stop.
My commitment:
To remember that the Thingamajig is there because of love, not fear.
To be gentle with myself and the Thingamajig.
To be open to hearing what the Thingamajig says, no matter what It says.
To love the Thingamajig.
Dearest Havi,
NO WAY will your blog die on you if you take a week to create more awesomeness at the shore! We will all just obsessively browse the archives.
Now go get your destuckifiedness on!
Biggest love to you and Selma and the GF!
Hey
Yes! @chicsinger – you are so right. NO WAY will this blog die on Havi. My goodness. Nope. I could live off just one post for like a month or more for sure! And yep you are so right again. The BEST archives ever – right?
Hugs to Victoria – we’re looking forward to your call tomorrow and I must/will email you a few questions today in time for it. HUGS TO YOOOO! You’ll be perfect however you are – you’ll be just what we need!
And Amy Crook – love your work lady! Hope those clients come thick and fast and one day, ONE DAY, I’ll have a regular enough wage to be one of them I am sure!
I know there are other wonderful people I cld comment on here bt I need to free up this space for someone’s VPA – feeling guilty already for too much space stealing!
Woopsie!
Hugs
L
Update on last VPA:
We got realistic timeline on adoption – not what we were expecting… at least another year to wait. Nice to have someone be honest, but boy it hurt.
Took the rest of the week off to really experience the grief. Friends flocking around taking us to dinner, offering guestrooms and hugs. So many hugs. And two massages. In one day. I know many of you just cringed at the thought, but I say more for me. (I’m allergic to lobster: yay! more for you if you like that sort of thing!)
Now for this week:
What I am asking for: sticking to my commitment to self-care in whatever form that takes.
How this could work: Tell people I’m not interested in discussing the details of my adoption with “I don’t want to talk about it” – (there is a hand gesture that goes with it that I wish you all could see).
Say no to outside forces wanting me to take on other projects. Just going to do what is required of me until I get my energy and spirit back.
Meal planning, yoga-ing, resting, keeping up with all the hugs, crying when I feel like it without feeling bad about it.
My commitment: Be kind to myself.
.-= Tami´s last post … Yoga+Music365 (day24) – Self-Titled by Killed By Bears =-.
ugh. I got knocked out with a nasty virus this weekend and am still not feeling great… which is making it extra hard to stand guard against:
what I want:
To have the strength to not compare myself to the new intern. To not slide into feeling like a failure, a hack, a big fat joke. To not start shaming myself for being one of the majority of art school graduates that never actually practices art. A new intern started today in the creative department. she is a very talented and accomplished artist represented by a top notch gallery with work in very prestigious collections. She just wants to give design a try… *sigh* She also has traveled all over the world and she is very nice. why is this such a punch in the gut?
Ways this could work:
Havi’s emergency calming techniques could help.
I can focus on other things…. I really don’t know. this is a recurring big stuckness of mine.
My commitment:
to take care of myself physically. focus on getting well. leave work early if i need to.
to try to be nice to myself and not let my mind go down the negative roads.
.-= carrie´s last post … Day 14 =-.
I’ve only commented here once before, and I’m ever so slowly coming out of my lurker cave. So, hi everyone!–I read about you, but you don’t know me. Sorry that sounds creepy. This is my first VPA. Here goes…
What I want:
-to keep taking baby steps in my career-discernment and job-hunt, despite feeling scared and not-good-enough
-to trust that those baby steps will eventually add up to my getting hired in a position I like
Ways this could happen:
-I could set aside a few minutes each day to do ONE thing.
-I could remember that it’s okay to take little actions even if I don’t feel 100% confident about myself.
-I could ask for external reminders from my friends and family that goshdarnit I am good enough!
-I could treat my (brand new!) blog as a mini accountability partner and update it with my plans and actions taken. (if any of you go over there to peek, please be gentle. it’s just a baby.)
My commitment
-to tell the women in my faith group about what I’m up to and ask for their encouragement
-to continue to think about this while doing shivanata (I’m brand new at this one, too!)
-to remind myself to be gentle with myself
Thanks! I feel fired up to take some action right now! (but I’m at work…)
.-= Agnes Northstar´s last post … I’ve Gathered Resources =-.
Just came across your blog and I LOVE this idea 🙂
What I want:
to find a job with nice people, that I like doing and that has decent pay. I don’t mind what hours I do, I just don’t want to be taken advantage of, ending up working long hours, over my job description without any kind of recognition. I want to want to go to work. I want to laugh when I am work. I want to come home and tell my boyfriend about all the good things that happen while I was at work. I want to make some really good friends through work.
Ways this could happen:
I can apply to lots of jobs and only take the one (if it is offered to me!) that I feel right about. I can only apply to places I would like to work instead of applying to everywhere in a panic about not having money. I can feel that I have a right to like where I work. I can stand up for myself more when asked to do things that I feel are over and above my job description. I can say no while working and not feel guilty. I can ask friends who have jobs they enjoy how they found theirs and ask for advice. I can ask family and friends to keep an eye out for jobs I might enjoy.
My commitment:
to make any CV’s/applications/covering letters I send out really good, portraying me well and showing how much I want the job and how good I would be at it. To go into places that I would like to work, even if they are not advertising vacancies and ask to leave a CV for next time they are. To not worry too much about it, I have enough money for now, and generous friends/boyfriend if things get bad – which they won’t. To work on loving me more, to work on realising that I do deserve a good job that I enjoy!!
Thanks for sharing this idea, after just writing this down I feel so much more positive about finding a job I enjoy!
OK. I just got clobbered by a great big old shoe: the board of directors at my current job is starting a search committee to replace me. I am so tempted to say you can’t fire me, I quit, but that would leave a lot of people (those under and over me)in the lurch big-time.
My VPA about this:
I still have to interact with the fussy few who are behind this movement. I want to be able to be polite, dignified and not take out my anger/angst on them. I do not want to be swayed by their manipulative ways either in person or from behind the scenes machinations (gossip, etc.).
I want NOT to take this personally, I am VERY good at what I do and they expect things that are unrealistic and beyond my control. I do not want to be hurt or lose faith in myself just because some people are being their usual difficult selves in my direction.
I want these people and their critical voices to stay OUT OF MY HEAD. PLEASE AND DAMN IT. My own critical voices are plenty capable of making me paralyzed and I do not need more volume or different channels, thank you very much.
I want to have motivation to do a good job and to release this anger because it is not fair to those who do support me and rely on me to provide leadership on an on-going basis. I want to still be able to create a good product for the right reasons.
Right now I feel like throwing my work materials out the window, but I have to set up the coming months in terms of finances, scheduling, content, personnel, etc. I dread doing this anyway and I need to be able to get it done in a timely manner so that the icky people will not have more ammunition (shoes!) against me.
How this could work:
The meanies could drop their case. They could all fall into a bubbling pit and die painful deaths…no, wait, that’s not very nice! They could just stop being a problem and understand the nature of reality as it applies to our situation. Miracles, anyone?
The problem that they are all het up about could change, in a way that is beneficial for everyone concerned. More people could magically appear who are able and willing to cover the slack.
They could form their search committee and instantly find someone for whom this job is perfect and I could graciously step down, which I am more than willing to do. I don’t want to be where I’m not wanted, even though there are many who DO want me there (including my boss, luckily).
Other? I am open to any and all possibilities.
My commitment:
I will set my timer and do little bitsies at a time of the yuck work with the goal of having it done by the first of February.
I will try to notice when I get tense and pissy about the situation and breathe it out, sending light to all involved. Those people can’t help being weenies, they really are doing the best they know. They think they are acting in the best interest of our company and its customers.
I will be very centered when I am working with my people and remember why we are doing what we do. I will be bigger than the petty bitching and moaning of a small percentage of those around me. If I find myself getting defensive or angry I will stop and take a breath in to gather myself.
I will wear my best game face ever, backed by solid preparation and impeccable presentation. SO THERE, DAMN IT!
I will remind myself to thank The Powers That Be for creating this situation for me to learn from. It is all for the greater good whether it appears that way or not.
I will allow myself to express any emotional stuff I need to and will take loving care of myself as I deal with this situation. I do not have to be invulnerable every second of every day.
Whew! I think that about covers it. Thanks for listening, all, and thanks to the Universe in advance for granting this request! xxoo
What I Want:
To remember only to work with my right people and not try to convince myself that the wrong people are right.
How this could work:
Add a Pre-Client Evaluation to my intake procedure.
Get my money up front. All the time. Always. No exceptions.
My commitment:
To email the woman I need to email to accept credit cards.
To actually sign up to take credit cards and not think “oh no $150 is a lot of money to get set up.” The woman is running a business just like I am and she has what I need.
To add the screening form to my process.
To get the money up front. All the time. And if I don’t and they then don’t pay me, to not waste one iota of time or energy thinking about it because, hey, it was totally preventable.
To remember that if I have the choice to work and not get paid, or hike/swim/bike/cook/sleep and not get paid, I’ll take the latter any day.
Well. I would really like this *thing* that I”m working on to happen. Can’t post about it yet, but how about the universe just knows what *thing* I’m talking about. I’d like it to go as uncomplicated and easy and with as much love as possible. And I would really like it to happen fast. Thanks for the chance to put it out there – even though it’s all weird and cryptic.
xo
I’m coming late to the party, but I felt I needed to write a VPA. Mine is another real estate one!
Here’s what I want:
For my housing situation to be resolved this weekend. For me to end up in the perfect house for me.
Ways this could work:
ST could contact me by the end of the weekend, arrange to meet, and agree that I would be the perfect tenant/housemate.
ST could contact me by the end of today to say thanks but no thanks, and I could begin moving into the other house by tomorrow (or next weekend at the latest).
My commitment:
To make myself available for meetings with the prospective new housemates.
If the ST house accepts me, to be polite, kind and respectful of the Y housemates. To give them what support I can while still supporting ME.
To do what I can do to not be stressed out while I wait for other people to get back to me. To bounce lots on the trampoline and maybe take the dog for a walk.