Personal ads! They’re … personal! Very.
So my itty bitty personal ads made me realize that it’s time to make a regular practice of trying to feel okay asking for stuff.
Even when the asking thing feels weird and conflicted.
Ever since I posted the first one asking my perfect house to find me, which united me with Hoppy House, I have been a fan of the madness that is personal ads.
And now it’s my Sunday ritual. Yay, ritual!
Let’s do it.
Thing 1: emotional and financial support with FUNBREWING
Here’s what I want:
Yes, I asked for support last week in a general sort of way. And got it.
And now I need more, and in different ways.
We (finally) announced our gigantic fun-brewing project this week. This is part of the Big Thing my pirate crew and I have been secretly working on since January.
And it’s to raise fun (yes, I am aware that other people say “funds”) for the the new Playground.
Opening a studio is exciting. And it also involves a lot of expenses.
It looks like we might be signing a lease this week, which is eeeeeeeeeeee! wonderful. And it also means we need stuff. For the studio. Quickly.
Like flooring, which is going to cost at least $1600. And all the materials for the stage we’re building. And screens. And curtains. And more props and toys for Old Turkish Lady yoga.
And a whole laundry list of other things.
So the fun-brewing needs help and support. And the monies. And I need patience and faith.
I need help staying connected to myself so that I can remember the essence of my mission, without getting overwhelmed by all the stuff around it.
Ways this could work:
More Shiva Nata to keep me in flow and deliver some serious epiphanies about this.
I can brunch some other products or at least put them in pre-sale mode.
Maybe we’ll throw some kind of party. Like a silly Shivathon dance marathon.
I can remind people about the fantastic Monster Coloring Book.
Fairy godmothers.
Miracles.
Surprises.
Unexpected sources of help.
Things I can’t possibly even imagine right now.
My commitment.
Again, to let myself have a meltdown if I need one.
To ask for help.
To breathe. To dance. To keep moving.
To sleep on it. And then sleep on it some more.
To brainstorm possibilities at the Kitchen Table.
To be open to being surprised.
Thing 2: Support for Guns N Rollers!.
Here’s what I want:
So Selma and I sponsor the coolest Roller Derby team in Portland.
You know that already. I’ve written about why Shivanauts love Derby, and of course really everyone loves Derby.
I know I have a ton of blog readers in the Pacific Northwest. A bunch of you in PDX proper. And I know some of y’all are Shivanauts.
Where are you guys? Selma and I want to see you at some of the bouts wearing pink and black (and maybe a moustache) and cheering for GNR!
I’ll be there with Shannon and Danielle and Cairene and Dana, and a duck. Nu? Are you coming?
Ways this could work:
I’m just going to ask.
And I’ll try to throw out a reminder on Twitter before the next bout sells out.
My commitment.
To keep harassing you about this, of course.
Thing 3: Caring for myself.
Here’s what I want:
There’s kind of a lot going on right now.
I’ve been pretty good about sticking to my napping regimen.
But I need to be giving myself some love while all the crazy is happening.
Ways this could work:
I’m not sure.
My commitment.
To pay attention to my patterns.
To keep my focus on taking care of myself first. And reminding myself that this is really the only way it works.
Well, it works the other way too but the price is too high. This has to be about living what I teach.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
I asked for support with the fun-brewing. And there was so much lovely excitement when I announced the monster coloring book. Everyone was lovely about it.
And it’s been a joy to see how enthusiastic everyone is about this new direction. So yay.
Then I asked for help with all the horrid things I didn’t want to do. And that went pretty well.
And I asked for stuff to work with the Vancouver trip. Not sure about that one yet.
All in all, it was a pretty good week. And I may be repeating some of these asks next time, with slight variations. We’ll see.
Comments. Since I’m already asking …
I am adding to my practice of asking by being more specific about what I would like to receive in the comments.
Here’s what I want (just leave them in the comments):
- Your own personal ads, small or large. Things you’ve asked for. Or are asking for. Or would like to ask for. Or updates on last time!
What I would rather not have:
- Reality theories.
- Shoulds. As in, “You should be doing it like this” or “That’s not the right way to ask for things — instead it should be like x, y and z”
- To be judged or psychoanalyzed.
- Advices.
My commitment.
I am committing to getting better at asking for things even when asking feels weird.
Thanks for doing this with me!
Follow
Long time lurker, first time commenter …
Dear Today’s Event:
I would like you to go swimmingly. I would like there to be enough food (but not too much!), and that people will like it. I would like the conversation to be sparkly and fun. I would like to be able to go outside and take several big breaths once it all begins.
How this could work:
I can make my grocery list carefully
I can stay chill
I can keep my “Courage” rock in my pocket.
Dear Tuesday Event:
I fear you because this is a “showdown” between two interpretations of a project between two people, with me in the middle, on something that I desperately want to do well and just haven’t been able to do a good job at.
I would like you to be an open, honest, and respectful dialogue, without anger or tears, and I would like to come out of this meeting feeling valued and having more support than I’ve been getting.
How this could work:
I don’t rightly know. I have some preparation to do.
I need to figure out what will and won’t work for me on this.
I could ask for more and better feedback and some actual leadership from the “leaders.”
Maybe the stars will be aligned?
There. Phew. Feeling much better already.
Huh? Usually I’m NOT the first to post. Everyone else must be out playing.
Last week I was all freaked out about the inevitability of new leadership in my program, department and college. This week I’ve been way too distracted by the work at hand to give much thought to the future. Another factor that helped was that I circulated the packets for the two applicants to my adjuncts and none of them was impressed with the candidates. One is definitely out of the running as he won’t earn his doctorate until May. The other has possibilities but no one is sold and 2 of the 4 would prefer to wait to see who else applies (We are recruiting at the wrong time of year – but sometimes you can’t control when people leave!).
Okay, there is a point here – I have head cold and sore throat so the brain isn’t working quite right.
My ask this week is to “lower the bar” on the expectations that I’m setting for myself as far as my doctoral work is concerned. Several us needed to be talked off the ledge last week as we try to wrap our heads around the two classes that have been crammed into one for our current class. We are bunch of overachievers and are giving way more than is expected. And it is burning us out (hence my illness).
Thus, I commit to giving 90% instead of my usual 150%.
How can I accomplish this? By asking for help (which I did this week), by prioritizing my efforts on the assignments which carry more points and doing the minimum required on the piddly-little assignments.
My commitment is to take myself less seriously. After all, I get the same three initials whether I have a 3.0 GPA or a 4.0.
Have a great week!
Despite the fact that these have worked pretty well for me in the past, I’ve totally fallen out of the habit of doing them. So, I revisit the Big Asks.
Thing 1: At least one more Monster client
What I want: I’ve had one wonderful person take me up on my Draw Your Monster offer, but that’s not quite enough to get me to the deluxe coloring book, and I really really want the class. So, I’m hoping one more person somewhere will want to have their very own personal Monster art.
Ways this could work: Someone could see this. The person that’s said they want a Monster could go through with the payment. I could do one last Tweet and finally find the right person. Magic connections.
My commitment: I will bug the person who’s claimed a spot to pay (as requested by her). I will work on the sketch for the one Monster I’m already getting to draw. I’ll do other work this week to maybe find the money another way. I’ll try to trust in the magic connections to make it happen.
Thing 2: Clarity & Direction with my Art
What I want: In the first Money call w/Naomi & Sinclair, we did an exercise to imagine the outcome we wanted, and then look back at how we got there. I was surprised when I looked back to see the path was more about art than design, but the early parts, the right-now first-step parts, were hazy to me. I want clarity, steps to take, a direction to start walking.
Ways this could work: I could do the exercise again and again. The next call could provide some more tools. I could get some good advice. I could actually get back into Shiva Nata and get some ideas that way. Something could surprise me (even more).
My commitment: To keep thinking. To try to hear the voice of reason amongst the clamor of Monsters. To make some damn art. To listen to wisdom, and try to quell the cynicism and defensiveness. Or at least offer it cookies.
.-= Amy Crook´s last post … Monster, Monster? =-.
Wishing you just the right help at just the right time for your glorrrrrious Playground and fun brewing, Havi!
Update on my previous ask: I got enough clarity about the content and how it will help people to brunch my class! I’m so excited.
This week’s ask: To get back to posting regularly on my blog. But more importantly, to figure out what to write about, so that I enjoy writing it and my readers enjoy reading it!
Ways this could happen: I could read something or see something that inspires me. I could remember a point I’ve been wanting to make. An idea could just come to me – poof!
My commitment: To do Dance of Shiva and meditate at least a little bit every day (or as much as I can handle). To write down the ideas in my journal, even if initially they seem silly or not useful. Maybe even to spend 10 minutes mindmapping each idea, to see if they lead to other ideas, or turn into a post.
.-= Victoria Brouhard´s last post … The Shmorian Thing-Finding Methodology =-.
I’m so scattered, tired and turbulent, but I want to take a moment to ask that these next couple days of completing and submitting (!) my preliminary exam projects go as smoothly and serenely as possible. This can happen as long as I stay the course, and hang in there for just two more days. I commit to giving myself all the love I can through it all. (Oh, and I also give myself permission to be scattered, tired, turbulent, and possibly incoherent, as I send this VPA into the sphere of the Fluent Self.)
Meanwhile, all of this Fun Brewing is very exciting!
.-= Kathleen Avins´s last post … When the going gets tough… =-.
You’ve inspired me to give it a shot too – I have 2 PAs on the go – one trying to attract the right job and one about (the usual and boring) weight loss (sigh…..)
And, I’ve added a Feng Shui combo into the mix, hopefully for some extra pow!!!
Fingers crossed and sending good vibes for the playground – sounds amazing xx
my aaaah-school-starts-again-tomorrow VPA:
what i’m asking for:
some kind of idea and focus and direction for tomorrow’s classes. and some kind of feeling of connection back into the world of school and my classroom. some creative burst! direction!
what could happen:
i could do shiva nata, to see what might shake loose
i could remember that i’m not inexperienced at this
i could brainstorm a la wishcraft and see what happens
i could get myself set for a healthy day tomorrow and take some of the weight of the expectation of perfection off–no one remembers the first day back from spring break!
something even more magical and easy and simple could happen
my commitment:
to, at the very least, shiva nata and brainstorm before i go to bed tonight. oh, and smile at the last moments of this lovely vacation!
Havi,
I have no idea if this would be helpful, but I do all sorts of sound, projection and lighting systems, designs, installations and that kind of stuff. It’s the way I could think of to be most supportive of your playground (which I think is super exciting.)
I am not near you physically, but but could potentially be an advisor-from-a-distance on things technical and how to apply them artfully and with minimal expense.
If I can be of help, please let me know – Your work has been such a gift to me, I’d love to be able to give something back.
Be well!
andy
.-= Andy Dolph´s last post … Projections for The Armed Man =-.
Here’s what I want:
knowing the right actions to take while staying with graciousness, acceptance and compassion around 2 really painful situations – both for and with myself and all those impacted
Ways this could happen:
by staying honest,
acknowledging the feelings coming up,
using the tools in my box to interact with those feelings,
remembering that the feelings aren’t me they are just with me right now and will pass,
releasing any shoes that might be thrown
not expect shoes?
My commitment:
to take the actions revealed as they are revealed, without questioning the why that, why now even if I’m unsure how to take them
not to throw purposeful shoes at myself or those impacted
to practice grounding myself
@Andy – that is the sweetest thing in the entire world. I can’t think of how it would work right now but I will definitely keep you on my list of supporters. That is just wonderful. Thank you!
@Cristen – hi! Sending love for your Tuesday Event, and wishing you smoothness and ease with that. (Dear Cristen’s Tuesday Event, we are hoping for good things!)
@Victoria – whooo! Nice. I love it.
@Killermouse – rooting for your personal ads!
@LaShae- whoah, not expecting shoes! Good luck with these painful situations, sending love for that.
@Kat – incoherent ads welcome!
@Amy – hug.
sending big support to everyone with their Very Personal Ads, and so much love.
You’ve found your Playground and may be signing a lease this week – weeeeeeee!!! That’s so exciting! And awesome!
Also: earlier today, as I was about to go and do my Shiva Nata session, I said “shivanatons!”, which is French for “let’s do Shiva Nata!” – and as soon as it came out of my mouth, I realised it sounded exactly like shivanathon, as in a Shiva Nata dance marathon, and I thought it was the most crazy awesome idea ever! I guess we were on the same wave length! 🙂
Ok, my VPA:
Here’s what I want:
I want to get started teaching Shiva Nata to the storytellers I’ve met last week, and I want them to really see the value in it and to make it a regular and on-going thing. I also want to find more people who’d be interested in learning, here in my town or elsewhere (I’m open to travelling to teach it).
Ways this could work:
– I could suggest a starting date to the storytellers, and it would work for most of them.
– I could give a terrific first class, and get them hooked on it!
– I could ask them to talk about it around them, and tell them to invite friends to our class.
– I could make a list of other groups to whom I could do a proposal, and work on a draft proposal to send them.
– I’m open to surprises!
My commitment:
– To write and send the follow-up email to the storytellers with a suggested starting date, and an invitation to tell their friends about it.
– Getting the ideas I’ve had for other places and people out of my head and on paper.
– Noting any ideas that are coming up, be it for people to contact, for ways to present the idea, or wording for my copy.
.-= Josiane´s last post … Middle of the night musings =-.
wheee!!! Playground!!! Fun Brewing!!! Yay! Such goodness you’re cooking up!
For me, the VPA this week is deadline related….
Here’s what I want:
Smoothness and ease in this deadline week. Interviews completed with a minimum of phone/email tag. Articles written with a maximum of flow and a minimum of staring at the screen stuckness. No ridiculously late nights.
How this could happen:
People could answer the phone when I call. I could be here to answer the phone when they call back. I could make my list of people and numbers tonight, so I can hit the ground running tomorrow (and not have to turn on my computer, which will more than likely cost me an hour or so before I even make the first call.)
In the writing, the story can become obvious sooner rather than later in the writing process.
I can mind-map and shiva for the connections to become clear.
My commitment:
To take care of myself this week. Take breaks, take walks, do shiva nata when I’m stuck.
To keep a little perspective. This is not life or death. The world will not come to an end if I don’t get something written.
To get to bed at a decent hour every night.
.-= Liz´s last post … Pick your battles- and pick your stories! =-.
OK, now that I know there’s a verb in French especially for Shivanattering, I must learn to do this thing. But first, an unrelated Medium Ask (and my first VPA).
Thing: My home office/living room
Here’s what I want:
I want my home office/living room to get clean & organized and STAY clean & organized so that I can do brain-intensive work in it without being stuck in the visual clutter.
Ways this could work:
I could commit to throwing a party in a month or so, to give myself a deadline
I could hire an organizer or just a nonjudgmental interior-decoratingly-minded friend to help me clean it in one swell foop
I could put away, relocate, or exfoliate one thing per day until it’s done (the slow method)
Re-read GTD and think about trusted systems
Be okay with resisting using my trusted systems and try to figure out what this resistance is protecting me from
Break it down into manageable bits (square feet, for example)
Get open hanging file cart & accoutrements
Make slipcovers for furniture out of a fabric that doesn’t magnetically attract cat hair
My commitment:
To put away/relocate/toss ONE thing in that room per day
To write in my journal about my space and what the mess is protecting me from
To spend 1 hour cleaning & organizing the HO/LR this coming Friday
VPA #1: To feel less fear/resistance and more enthusiasm about working on the current novel project (in a stage which is perhaps best described as “draft 1.5”, in that it’s part editing & part filling in gaps and reorganising structure).
Ways this might work:
– Doing Shiva Nata and morning pages might help shake things loose a bit.
– Carrying on gently working on it, half an hour per day, might help me realise that actually this is fun, and it is a good story, and I am competent to tell it.
– I might find a writing partner or some kind of support to help me out.
– I might find the energy & time & inclination to do a really big push on it later in the week and get lots done and that would be a boost to keep going on it.
– Something else I haven’t thought of yet!
My commitment:
– To consciously address this in my Shiva Nata/morning pages practice tomorrow morning.
– To put in just half an hour per day working on it, and reward myself afterwards.
– To keep thinking about it in the back of my mind and putting positive energy into those thoughts.
VPA #2: To sell some articles in fields I haven’t written in before, which fit with my ethics and what I want to be doing in the world.
How this might work:
– Someone might contact me to write about something I’m interested in.
– I might send out some pitches and have them be just what those editors need at that time.
– I might see someone who is in need of something I know how to write about, which fits my criteria. Maybe on Twitter or somewhere else.
– Something else I haven’t thought of!
My commitment:
– To keep brainstorming ideas that I do want to write about.
– To keep sending out pitches.
– To remind myself that I’m actually doing pretty well on this front — I do already have a contract to write a book on something I’m very enthusiastic about!
.-= Juliet´s last post … linky linky =-.
Firstly, sharing the EEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeee feeling of the lease and the fun-brewing [which i’ll be having a second look at this week, to see if I can help at all]. Hope it continues to move forward with the feeling of squeeeeee, as I prefer to term it!
The VPA
I posted this on my blog last week and I’ve been having some mini-epiphanies. I want to re-release a slightly modified version [improved thanks to said epiphanies].
Here’s what I want:
-I want to follow my heart and succeed. I want to do what I love, what I’m good at; and to support myself [at least in part] with it.
-I want to know which skills I have/love, and then which I can use to support me. This is for Clarity.
Ways this could work:
-Ask those who know me
-Look back at childhood activities
-Shivanata
-Try new things
-Meditation
-Invest time in the few idea I’ve had
-Someone will see this comment on Havi’s blog and be able to help [email me/comment on my blog/tweet to me].
-I could mention it in all blog posts I write this week, with a link back – and then tweet about it. As mentioned above, it’s all about the magic connections.
What I know about you:
-You are a collection of skills I love.
-I know you’re a practical method of providing others with the help I can give.
-I know already that I love you. I love using you to reach people and I love the task of reaching them. I love using the gifts you channel.
Pluses: (You don’t have to have these things but I’d -really like them)
-It would be amazing if you gave me some form of foundation for supporting myself financially. Even if I couldn’t see how at the time. Perhaps you will lead to opportunities in a years time that then give me income.
My commitment:
-To be patient
-To appreciate you
-To dance with and enjoy you
-To respect you
-To breathe.
-To dance.
-To laugh.
-To listen.
-To check my emails/comments/twitter frequently.
Good luck with all the VPAs posted so far.
~Rose
.-= Rose´s last post … Feeling Right: An Inspired VPA =-.
Okay, here’s my go at a VPA:
What I want: A house my fiance, husband, dog, cat and future furry/four-footed members can be happy in.
We need to be able to comfortably make the payments each month.
We need a bedroom for my fiance and I, another for my son, and enough space for two offices. Not picky about whether that’s a bonus room, another bedroom, an alcove, whatever. Just as long as I can run my computer and there’s enough space for all my reference material as well. (oh, and it definitely needs to be heated).
I should be in the Fuquay-Varina Middle School (North Carolina) and FV High School zone. (Son has minor learning disabilities that make changing schools more difficult than normal).
We have to be able to afford to heat it to a comfortable temperature in the winter.
A yard that’s easy to care for. An absolute necessity.
And we need something that’s not a “fixer-upper”. We don’t mind repainting or replacing carpeting, but more than that is beyond our capabilities.
Extras I’d like but wouldn’t be necessary:
Whirlpool tub
Sunroom or herb window
Ways this could work:
We can continue traditional house hunting with our buyers agent
I’m not sure of any others
My commitment:
To keep looking, even when I burn out and feel discouraged and think that I just can’t bear looking at one more house.
To breathe
To keep the faith that there is a house out there that fits our needs.
To being surprised
To be willing to look at non-conventional sources
.-= Jade´s last post … Livin’ the Good Life: More Random Background Events for PCs =-.
What I want (*overwhelmed at the thought*) (whoa):
A sweet little affordable clean one-bedroom in a quiet house with trees and grass around it, close enough for me to get to my PhD classes easily. Starting August 15 or 9/1.
How this could work:
I could share with other roommates.
I could pay a little extra.
I could live a little farther away.
I could somehow get a car.
I could fly out to school in the near future and check out places and stay on that girl’s couch.
I could stay in touch with that one guy I talked to on the phone who seemed to have nice properties.
My commitment:
I will read reviews and avoid bedbugs(!)
I will save $ all summer to make room for emergencies.
I will only agree to things I have a really good gut feeling about.
I will not rush.
I will not put this off, either.
I will not be intimidated by my workplace and avoid making plans to travel to look at housing.
I will rent a car if I really have to even though me and driving have not traditionally been pals.
I will remind myself why I am heading to school, again.
I will not go to school if it is not the right thing.
VPA”s are usually my most best favorite thing all week. Lately, things are shifting so fast I don’t need the thing I asked for 10 minutes after I decide to ask for it. So this week I’m asking for faith, trust and confidence.
I need faith that what I’m doing is the right thing to be doing.
I want t be able to trust the process. This is happening this way because it is the best way for it to happen for me.
I need confidence in my existing abilities and confidence that I can learn what I don’t know.
Ways this could work:
I can accept that new stuff sometimes means the loss of old stuff and loss hurts like hell even when its needed.
I can be patient and I let myself hurt and let myself cry.
I can stop judging myself for crying about losing something I haven’t wanted for a long time.
I can accept that this doesn’t make a lot of logical sense and hurt and cry anyway.
My commitment:
To interact with the pain and give it whatever it needs.
To rest as much as possible.
To let people around me know I am hurting and ask them to be gentle with me
To keep shivanata’ing even though I’m mad it for pointing out what I already knew and didn’t want see
I’ve been lurking for a while but coughed up the courage to actually comment.
The thing is, I’d love to help with the funbrewing (funbrewing!), but everything in the shop is not-quite-what-I-need-right-now (since I already have the Shiva Nata kit) or a bit too pricey. I’d love it if there was a button on the page as well where I could just chip in with a few dollars. Sort of like a “scoop up your loose change here for the staff refreshment fund” cup at the crocery store checkout.
My own Very Personal Ad:
Our baby girl was born Sunday, April 11th (quite like this blog post). My body is recovering from delivery, and my mind is processing this new addition to our life.
What I want:
– to find a balance between taking care of the baby, taking care of my body, and taking care of my brain so I don’t disappear into Mommyland.
Ways this could work:
– I could use the baby’s sleep time for sleeping, yoga and Shiva Nata, eating, reading, writing
– I could combine reading aloud to the baby with reading things that will inspire me
– I could ask for help when I feel like my own effort is not enough
My commitment:
– to be satisfied with tiny, tiny steps forward
– to view my mental and intellectual health and well-being as just as important as my physical health and well-being
– to accept the fact that things have changed, for better or worse.
.-= Sari O.´s last post … Coming to terms with being weak =-.