Personal ads! They’re … personal! Very.
So my itty bitty personal ads made me realize that it’s time to make a regular practice of trying to feel okay asking for stuff.
Even when the asking thing feels weird and conflicted.
Ever since I posted the first one asking my perfect house to find me, which united me with Hoppy House, I have been a fan of the madness that is personal ads.
And now it’s my Sunday ritual. Yay, ritual!
Let’s do this thing.
Thing 1: Faith. Help maintaining it.
Here’s what I want:
There are an astonishing number of things up in the air right now.
Each one full of possibility, delight, wonder and other things that are good.
But the waiting for them to land and settle into the thing they are becoming is hugely challenging for me.
And this is exacerbated by the sheer number of things in my life at the moment that are uncertain-but-about-to-be-good-news-probably.
Wow.
Just thinking about it makes me appreciate the fact that I have not yet gone stark raving mad from the not-knowing.
Anyway.
Ways this could work:
I have a very clear sense that the best way to navigate this period is to know that everything is going to happen beautifully exactly as it needs to.
As to how that actually works, no idea.
But I’m willing to learn (in ways that are helpful and not painful) how to be the person who can trust the future.
Again, not sure on the how. But I am open to finding out.
My commitment.
To do everything I can to stay connected to myself.
To be extra-aware of what I need (sleep? water? a good cry?) and treat the meeting of each need as something that is worthy of attention. A serious priority.
I’m observing my discomfort with these places of in-between. Especially when it comes to waiting for a response or feedback from other people.
And it’s time to do the work to clear out old stucknesses and hurts from similar situations in the past.
Thing 2: To rewrite my patterns around waiting.
Here’s what I want:
Related to the first ask.
I know what hasn’t worked or has sort-of-worked in the past. As well as what worked great at the time but isn’t relative now because of the “what got you here won’t get you there” principle.
So I know I’m pretty good at stuff like:
— freaking the hell out and falling apart
— gritting my teeth and pulling through somehow
— making things happen through raw determination and ambition
— making things happen through toughening up and going into survival mode
— not being present, checking out of the situation
— trying to be mindful and just observe the hard while I’m in it.
And it’s time for a new set of patterns.
How I want it to look this time:
An entirely new way of being in the state of waiting for something.
And I want it to involve faith (again) that the way things work themselves out will be something that is supportive and awesome.
My commitment.
To actively challenge my patterns.
Not in a violent way, but in an attentive, curious way. Like, what happens if we do this one thing slightly differently?
To notice when I’m doing something familiar, and then start brainstorming other options.
To use Shiva Nata to dance this out and integrate the new patterns into my body and mind.
To call on Metaphor Mouse to work some magic.
To practice Sovereignty.
To be playful with all this change when I can. And to be understanding about it when I can’t.
Thing 3: My fabulous course that does not have a name.
Here’s what I want:
Selma the duck and I are doing this program in June.
It does not have a name.
It is three days. The focus is:
Curing fear of biggification. Accessing your superpowers. Sneaking around the “I want to have more visibility but I don’t want anyone to actually see me” thing. Coming up with a plan.
It is going to be amazing.
It’s already somewhat full. I want it completely full. And full of my people. And for this to happen this week, in an easy, fun, comfortable way.
Ways this could work:
Okay. I have to remember to tell people about it.
I can write a note to my announcement list. And on the Biggification Board at my Kitchen Table program.
Or it could just happen.
In ways that have nothing to do with me.
I could give you guys the link to the program so you could look at it. Yes, that would be smart.
My commitment.
To spend time with this.
To write love letters to the program. To sit with the curriculum and see if there’s anything new that needs to come in.
To excitedly welcome the people who show up.
To dance dance dance. And then dance some more.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
I asked for help maneuvering the week with a sore back. And then my back just got better. Which wasn’t what I asked for but yay. Nice.
The second thing was about staying connected to myself and not going into Internet hangover mode. That went mostly well. Except for Wednesday, which was a master class in how not to do things.
I also made a wish for a ton of people to sign up for Hiro’s Internet Hangover class, which I talked her into teaching (for me!). And it’s packed. A thousand points!
And, interestingly, my final ask was also about this whole theme of trust and faith and doing things in a new way. This week I’m taking it in a slightly different direction. We’ll see how it goes.
Comments. Since I’m already asking …
I am adding to my practice of asking for stuff by being more specific about what I would like to receive in the comments.
Here’s what I want (just leave them in the comments):
- Your own personal ads, small or large. Things you’ve asked for. Or are asking for. Or would like to ask for. Or updates on last time!
What I would rather not have:
- Reality theories (can we avoid words like “manifest”?)
- Shoulds. As in, “You should be doing it like this” or “That’s not the right way to ask for things — instead it should be like x, y and z”
- To be judged, psychoanalyzed or given advices.
My commitment.
I am committing to getting better at asking for things even when asking feels weird.
Thanks for doing this with me!
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Ha! The gods of synchronicity are laughing their heads off!
Here’s the VPA I wrote early this morning:
My VPA this week:
1. Dear Havi’s nameless retreat: Please tell us your name!
We know you’re here to help people gently move past their fear of biggification.
And we know you’ll be fun and filled with the happy spirit of Havi’s Playground.
We know that powerful creative genius, Dance of Shiva, will be there too.
We know you’re happening in June, right after the Shiva Nata teacher training in Portland.
So please, sing out your name so we can call you and whisper sweet somethings in your ear.
How this might happen:
You could tell Havi your name, and she could tell us.
You could inspire some of the creative folks on this blog to listen for your name, and share their inspired ideas here.
You could tell me your name, and I could whisper it in Havi’s ear.
You could sky-write it, paint it on the mountains, or sing it from the ocean floor.
My commitment:
To listen for your voice. To stay receptive to your timing. To help you bring your magnificent presence into the world.
Love, Hiro
.-= Hiro Boga´s last post … Meditations From the Center: 1 =-.
Update on my VPA from last time: I asked for a better housing process. I remain convinced that there is no ideal way to manage this thing, but it did improve a lot. I am less glued to advertisements, and I feel less like I’m at the mercy of things I can’t do anything about. And it’s pretty clear at this point that I will not be living in a cardboard box. And, best of all, most of my monsters have calmed down.
My VPA for this week: Finishing well.
This is a hard week. There’s so much pressure, so many big things going on, all of which need a lot of energy and focus from me. I’m feeling scared, frayed, and generally not prepared for this. I had major technology failure yesterday and lost a lot of time and effort because of it, so that’s making me feel vulnerable too, not so helpful (though the sobbing breakdown was in a way nicely cathartic…). Something must be done.
Ways this could work: Bad weather and late night noise sources could go away so I can sleep without being awakened several times per night (I’ve tried earplugs, but I always pull them out). I could try to get some issues that are causing me particular stress to resolve sooner, maybe even tomorrow. I could carefully lower a few expectations, or divide them into smaller pieces, so they seem a little less looming. I could persuade myself that movement is good even if it’s small. I could work on trusting that it’s going to be okay.
My commitment: Send my neighbors an e-mail and cross my fingers for the weather. Turn on my fan. Drink water. Take stretch breaks. Breathe. Wear my butterfly ring. Put some things on the back burner and gently insist upon them staying there until Thursday at noon. Make it my mission to do what I can with the time I have, and to not spend it wishing that I had more. Seek hugs regularly.
Good luck wishes for everybody’s VPAs. If I hear any good names I shall share…
Part of me looks forward to the naming of the retreat. Another part is fairly sure it has been named, and well-named, at that.
As for bidness at hand, last week’s VPA was answered, and well-answered, at that. Decks mainly cleared, which now leaves the vast empty space of possibility. Which leads me to this week’s VPA:
What I want: To put good things on the decks.
Ways it could work: Ask for help and remember that Help Is Everywhere. Ask for tough/smart love from Success Team and Google Wave with Dave™. The good things could, of course, just walk onto those decks themselves, now that they see what a nice, clean space I’ve made for them.
My commitment: First things first. Reminding myself of my Big Goals every day by writing them down in my book, by hand. Nei Kung. Daily walk. (What the hell happened with Daily Walk, anyway?)
Have a lovely week, VPA pals!
.-= Colleen Wainwright´s last post … Frrrrriday Rrrrroundup! =-.
I asked for help with meeting deadlines without dying of panic, and it worked. I did it all without working myself into a crying frenzy or more sick. Yay.
This week.
VPA 1
Hesitancy. Something that’s come up in shiva nata – quite literally I was like ‘why I am all hestating when I don’t need to be?’. Clarity on what I can do to work with this.
Ways it could work:
Being mindful, writing down what I’m actually feeling (and not what I think I should be feeling, although that might be handy too). Using the monster colouring book. Allowing whatever’s causing it to be there without screaming and running away. more shiva insights.
My commitment:
remembering that whatever’s there can be changed, and not in a horrible way, and it’s ok if this doesn’t happen in a week. do one thing, even if it feels like it’s so tiny that it’ll make a difference.
VPA 2
I have an idea for a new blog. What I want: Ideas, a plan, start writing some posts.
Ways it could work:
Set aside a certain amount of time each day for blogging brainstorming. Acknowledge my feelings of ‘argh!’, and maybe even work on them. Pieces of paper and felt tip pens in funky colours.
My commitment:
Not to smother my ideas in shoulds. To be me, even if that’s horrendously terrifying. Or at least try.
Good luck with your Nameless Retreat! And making space for patience and waiting and trusting that the outcomes will turn out to be for the best in the long run, no matter what they are.
Update on Last Week: I’ve managed the Daily Art Posts every day, though yesterday’s was a little late it had brand new just-painted art in it. I’m managing a good mix of for sale and doodles/nfs stuff, I think. No one’s really commenting yet but I realize it doesn’t feel open to that and I’ll have to work on that. And as a side effect of posting art every day, I’ve been more motivated to make art, so yay! All in all, a resounding success.
Thing 1: Sales in my Big Art Sale, or answers to why the sales aren’t happening.
What I Want: For someone to buy a painting that’s already finished, so that I have more than a few dollars from selling cards to send to Kiva, and so that I can comfortably fund the crazy mom-can’t-decide-on-her-date plane tickets. Or, for someone to give me some clear idea of why the sales aren’t coming, if it’s prices, lack of framing, that I’m not connecting with the audience I have, or some other mystery thing.
How this could happen: Someone could find a piece they love and just decide to buy it. People with understanding about the issue could talk to me gently and privately about my art posts and sales pages. I could come unstuck about the idea that painting what I want and then selling the result doesn’t count as earning money. Magical solutions I can’t see.
My commitment: To keep putting up the daily art posts. To listen to the gentle suggestions and find ways to put them into practice if they feel practical to me. To paint and draw and make art. To donate just a tiny bit of money to Kiva if that’s all that’s in the kitty by the end of May.
.-= Amy Crook´s last post … Monster, Monster? =-.
I don’t know if this is belongs to your set of “Comments I want”, Havi, but I’ll write it anyway: I just want to send you a big warm Thank you for sharing. Be it the VPA’s, be it your monsters – you share them so freely and openly, and it’s so encouraging and inspiring to read about how you deal with your life and with your stuff. I’m not sure if I can express it properly, but I find it good to just know that someone like you actually exists – that apparently there is a way to do your thing, while still struggling with you stuff (in a mindful and beautiful way); that you don’t need to be enlightened to have a fulfilling life. I like it so much that you’re not like all those “Look at me, I’m perfect, and I can show you how to get there too! You can do it, yeah!”-guys.
I’ve been following your blog for months, and I just figured it’s time to let you know how much support I have found here, even “just” as one of your beloved lurkers 🙂
Oh and PS: I love your writing. I love your humor.
Wow, Havi, your post really spoke to me today. I’m struggling with how to wait for things and be zen about them too this week, and I really appreciate reading that other people are as well.
My VPA:
Thing 1: Struggling With Processes
I’ve always been very results oriented. I tend to think of something, think of a great plan, and then just slam it out. While this works for me, I’ve found recently that I think it alienates the people around me, and makes it hard for people to deal with me (both with personal relationships and with work related things), and I’d like to change it.
Ways This Could Happen:
I could start Shiva Nata, and try and examine my thought processes more. I could draft and consider multiple plans, and then make an assigned amount of time to reflect on them. I could try and solicit the opinions of others.
My Commitment:
To try and listen to myself more, and to think more and act less. To try and examine myself in relation to other people better, and to slow down and think before I act.
.-= Holly´s last post … How To Get Over Your Marketing Hangups =-.
*delurks* Hi~ Finally decided to participate. :3
What I want: a clean kitchen! My kitchen is… disturbingly, embarrassingly, and grossly dirty, but I can’t work up the motivation, much less enthusiasm, to clean it. I know a clean kitchen makes me feel better and doesn’t fill me with shame. Plus I use it more. But now it’s overwhelming and makes me slink away from it.
How this could happen: An incentive (a good, positive one) could show up. I could find blog posts that either encourage me to just clean or give really good advice about how to handle the mess. Motivation could well up inside me and I could just do it. I could think up some systems help me clean it and to keep it clean.
My commitment: I’ll love a clean kitchen. I’ll do my best to keep it clean/figure out a system to help me. I’ll use it to cook more. I wouldn’t be ashamed of it anymore. Also, for now, I’m going to do just one thing to make it bearable.
the nameless course sounds divine! if only i wasn’t on a public servant’s salary. *sigh*
my vpa:
what i want: an occasional class to teach – more of a quarterly workshop type thing so i could plan it, promote it, love it, and not kill myself with stress getting ready for it. funny, because i want to teach the kind of workshop i want to take. like what i did yesterday.
how this could happen: i could ask for a spot (ok, i already did that informally and got an informal ok), i could sit with the calendar and firm up dates. i could start planning my next class.
my commitment: not to get so wrapped up in it that i lose sight of my job, family responsiblities and self-care practices.
.-= Tami´s last post … Pajama Day in Progress =-.
In my head, I just imagined all your up-in-the-air things as feathers. Pretty ones. Multicolored, maybe peacock feathers? Just floating around in the breeze and getting ready to settle to the ground. Good mental picture.
My VPA: A new way of thinking about time. Right now, it just seems like there isn’t enough and even saying that makes me feel icky. So there needs to be a paradigm shift. Some sort of overhaul or metaphor or just a little click into place.
My commitment: To try different things this week. To just play instead of committing to a forced schedule. Look at this week as experimentation time.
How this could work: Writing things down with my rainbow pens in my purple polka dotted calendar. Journaling. Doing some Dance of Shiva with time as my intention. Being open to finding time in places I didn’t think it was. Scheduling in the things that don’t currently feel worthy of scheduling, like “time for crying” or “time for snuggling”.
.-= Kylie´s last post … time, cargo and setting sail =-.
I’m wishing love and luck for everyone’s VPAs!
Update on last week: I asked for a positive experience in my preliminary exam, and I got it. I am very grateful for this. Yes, I was challenged and critiqued, but it was done with love and respect, and I got plenty of positive feedback as well.
Let’s see, this week, this week…I’m suddenly very tired, and wanting to keep things very simple…oh. Okay, I’ve got it: since this past week was so very intense (glorious, but intense), I am asking that this week be a very restful, peaceful week. I will do my part by taking things easy, and asking for help when I need it, and letting people take care of me a bit, and mostly by taking extremely good care of myself. Lots and lots of very mindful self-care. Yes.
.-= Kathleen Avins´s last post … Liberation =-.
Last week, I asked for a ritual to say goodbye to my job, and to finish my services page.
I am still in need of a ritual. I’ve had a few ideas, but nothing that really spoke to me. It occurs to me that perhaps last week was not the right time to ask for a ritual to appear since it was the last week of work; something might spring up organically this week.
I did not finish my services page. I did, however, get clarity – asking to finish it last week was the wrong ask. I was trying to force something to be done because I thought it “should” be done. It’ll happen when it’s time.
What I would like now:
Permission to play and to enjoy my week freely, however I desire. I took this month “off”, so I am free to do whatever, but it is hard to remember that and not feel like I should be working.
My commitment:
I will notice when I am feeling guilty and sit with the feelings and remind them that this is scheduled play time. I will work if it feels enjoyable. I will make a list of some of the things that I have always wanted to see (or do) around here and see if any of them call to me.
.-= Elizabeth´s last post … ode to joy, volume 17 =-.
I did a VPA a few months back asking for help with getting better with an overcoming any blocks around money. Wow, it might be little slow coming, but boy has it been coming! I’ve met some amazing people, and discovered some great books and resources. I love how well this ask and receive thing works. I think it might be time to sit down and create another VPA already.
Thanks Havi for sharing your experience and this process.
.-= Katy Tafoya´s last post … What Do You Do All Day? =-.
I am in the asking for faith and waiting camp as well. And sending love for the perfect name, or even the un-needing of a name because the event fills up and it’s the “hey cool, I get to play with Havi and Selma and biggify my thing” event to everyone who gets to attend. :)(Or as I might say “Shivanaut Superpowers Activate!”)
An update on an ask that’s so old I barely remember making it. Over the weekend I did a show. The first day I had no sales, until half an hour before the show closed, when a woman admired a small quilt. She asked if I took Visa, which I currently don’t. 🙁 Then she asked if I had PayPal. She had an iPhone. She sent me the money via PayPal right there on the spot. And she only asked about the price when she was putting the $ amount in to the “send amount” box. It was smooth, it was easy, we were both thrilled. (I believe the ask was somewhat along the lines of “an easy sale where the person loves the work, doesn’t cringe at the price, and says ok and writes the check”).
.-= Andi´s last post … You Gotta Give A Little =-.
Update on last week’s VPAs:
1) I asked for an adjunct to teach our summer course and I GOT an adjunct – she comes in Thursday to finalize all the paperwork! PLUS she has a PhD in the same field as our program!
2) Asked for help dealing with my overwhelming workload. Workload is still there, but I feel like I’m getting some support systems in place. Have a meeting Tuesday with the assistant program director to discuss my dissertation and the effect that the challenges my insane workload will have on the process.
What I want: This week I ask for continued help with managing my workload and trying to restore just a bit of balance to my life.
Ways this could work: I can continue to be open to opportunities for others to lend support and assistance. I can be more willing to let the non-critical tasks slide. I can try to take just a few minutes each day to pause and reflect.
My commitment: To let go of the need to be perfect. To let go of the need to please everyone.
Hi Havi!
Your nameless course sounds divine, like exactly what I need right now. I will surely write a vpa to attend one of your courses in the future:) Also I’m seconding Malwina’s comment. Ok here goes
I’m asking for
Courage to put my stories out there on my blog with integrity and a sense of humour. The cajones to see through all the ideas that I think are pretty good but still made me feel exposed and doubtful.
More lovely connections with my tribe!
Ways it could work
By writing with authenticity and sovereignty.
By having faith that my ideas are ‘good enough’ to put ‘out there’
Use twitter to find + connect with my tribe. (I’ve found a few already through you)
Stop lurking + participate more in online conversations I’ve often wanted to contribute to-like this one
My commitment
To stay true to myself and my ideas even (especially?) when it feels tough
To avoid getting bogged down in chasing figures and enjoy immersing myself in creating and connecting, authentically.
To be gentle with myself
To check in with how I’m feeling by journaling and writing out my fears and doubts – it helps.
.-= Nats´s last post … Tribe seeking. Finding inspiration, support + understanding =-.
What I Want:
In my last VPA I asked for clarity of direction. The things I’ve come across since have been perfect. Now I’d like some specific clarity on what the next couple of steps are.
How this could happen:
I could work throguh Victoria’s Shmorian-finding workbook some more.
ShivaNata.
Someone could point out the next step – a class or book to read.
It could come to me in a dream.
My commitment:
To keep working – to keep writing even though i’m not sure where it’ll end up.
To keep dancing.
To make sure I eat and drink healthily, to keep going to bed before 11pm. To take care of myself
To listen and look out for signs.
Good Luck Havi and other commenters with your VPAs. 🙂
.-= Rose´s last post … Fears =-.