Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
♡
What do I want?
To say thank you in advance.
To say thank you with my thank-you heart, and not just to say thank you after the fact but to say thank you in advance.
And also to say: thank-you-in-advance.
What am I noticing?
This is a thing that Jane says, and I love it. Thank-you-in-advance for this beautiful experience. Thank-you-in-advance for my ability to be present and find the beauty in it.
I am noticing that this wish is related to my secret wish for Rally: to allow all seemingly contradictory things to exist and dissolve simultaneously. As in, I’m okay with the contradiction and also I know there is no contradiction.
It is also related to a wish that has to do with the qualities of Grace and Equanimity.
And my wish to have lots and lots of writing time this week, because words are just spilling out and I need time to be with that.
What do I want?
I want to meet all wishes with this sensation of thank-you-in-advance.
Thank you for the good that will be revealed. For my ability to meet whatever comes up and greet it, as the Spy says, with love and curiosity.
I want to be able to say to each wish: “Wow, what a beautiful wish!”
And to do that no matter how preposterous the wish seems in that moment.
I may not choose to act on the wish. I may just let it live in the world of wishing. But to rejoice in it. To admire it. And to say “Thank you in advance for whatever comes from this moment of allowing myself to experience this desire. Thank you in advance for the qualities of the wish, now I have a chance to remember them, breathe them, reconnect to them.”
What am I noticing?
Oh, a pricking of sadness in my heart.
I had a dear friend who was the biggest rejoicer-over of my wishes ever, she was my champion, the person who always believed in my wishes. I could whisper to her about things I would never tell anyone.
I could say absolutely anything: I WANT TO LIVE ON THE MOON!
And she would say the just-right thing, welcoming and loving. “Oh, isn’t that a beautiful, radiant wish? I can feel the qualities of moon coming out to greet this wish: Peacefulness. Drawing In. Quiet. Innocence. Trust. This is the perfect wish for you.”
Or she might ask questions too: “Tell me more about what this moon life wish feels like? What is the essence? What does it give you?”
Whenever I told her about my wishes, I ended up learning so much about what I really wanted, sparking ideas about how to get closer to it, revealing strengths that were already in me. I could suddenly see what aspects of [living on the moon] were important…
The last time we talked though she had recently gone through a transformation of sorts, gotten very into business-growing and Practical Realities, and I told her a wish and she said, “Well, that’s not very realistic, is it? Why don’t we focus on more practical solutions.”
I am noticing my sadness about my perception of my friend becoming so unlike herself that I don’t know how to reconnect to her.
What do I want?
I want to be a good friend to my wishes.
I want to be a good friend to wishing-me.
Not to shut things down. Not to figure out why they can’t work.
Just to receive the wish and let it be beautiful. Let it grow. Be curious about it. Not to act. This is important.
What am I noticing?
Not acting on a wish goes in two directions.
This means not trying to tear it down, and it also means not instantly trying to see how it could happen.
It means giving spaciousness to my wish. Spaciousness and welcoming.
And a home, so it doesn’t get forgotten. A home that is spacious and welcoming.
I am not sure yet what that home will look like, so this is also part of my wish: a home for wishes.
For now, this weekly ritual will be the home. Safe space. Maybe I will also make another tray…
An example of spaciousness and welcoming for wishes.
Last Wednesday I was at a dance, and a number of people ask if I sign, and I don’t.
I know a handful of signs (I can ask you to dance!), but not enough to have a conversation. I have seriously conflicted feelings about this. I want to learn, and I have Stuff.
Anyway, I had the thought that a fun way for me to ease my way into learning might be a beginner’s workshop, which we could host at my Ballroom or the Playground.
Spaciousness for this wish means, first, that I welcome the wish:
Oh wow, what a beautiful wish.
I notice how my monster crew wants to come up with all the reasons this wish is stupid, and I don’t agree to it. They can share their input later. Right now is for letting the wish breathe and be a tiny sweet thing.
I notice how I want to start problem-solving and trouble-shooting: does Amy know someone who could set this up? Is two hours the right amount of time? We can’t do it on a Sunday because blah, this other thing is happening…
Spaciousness and welcoming means I don’t try to fix. I don’t try to tear down but I also don’t try to build up. I wait, and I say: oh wow, what a beautiful wish.
I allow the qualities to reveal themselves. I wait to feel into the strengths I already have.
Spaciousness and welcoming. Strength and Effervescence.
This is the last day of March. On the calendar of Salves, this is the month of Strength — and seeing the strengths I already have. I want to take this quality with me as I flip the calendar and reveal Effervescence….
Spaciousness and welcoming require my strength, and they also feel airy and bubbling, light and ease-filled.
This feels good. Thank you, past me for knowing what was right. And thank you in advance for everything that will come from this. Thank you in advance for a beautiful month of wishes bubbling into being. Thank you in advance for ease-filled transitions.
Where do I want to start?
Next steps for Operation Bell View. More time writing for The Book of Xs and Ys. Beautiful dances. To be wonderfully surprised. I trust that people I want to spend time with will say what they think/want, and I do too. Equanimity. Pleasure. Graceful transitions. Eight breaths. Loving the L words. Skipping stones. My body gets the deciding vote. Thank you in advance.
My compass for these wishes:
Sustenance. Trust. Presence. Grace. Steadiness. Warmth. Glow. Receiving.
What else do I want?
- Everything is easier than I thought, and look, miracles everywhere.
- I go out dancing at the ballroom.
- This doesn’t require my input!
- Ha, it’s so perfect that it turned out like this. Past me is a GENIUS
- I have what I need, and I appreciate it. There are resources to do this.
- Trust and steadiness. I can see why this moment is good.
- Hawaii.
- I am fearless and confident. I do the brave things and it is not even a big deal, and I still get sparklepoints, yay.
- This week’s op: Next steps on Operation Bell View. Writing as much as I want!
Clues?
A hand-signal that secretly means: “Perhaps we should run off together to the Caribbean…”
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
So. Last week, aka some thoughts on the nature of wishing…
Wow. Sometimes reading through what I wrote the previous week is just uncanny.
I wanted safety for my wishes, and something shifted there. I wanted a new Jens, and two excellent candidates showed up out of nowhere! I wanted to talk to someone to get advice on Operation Bell View, and Melena can answer all my questions. The bit about unconditional forgiveness of past-me set into motion some big healing, and I now have my material for the Book of Xs and Ys. Also I finished Operation Pop It Up. Yay.
Attenzione! Attention, AGENTS.
I wish to whisper a whisper about the Monster Manual! It comes paired with the world’s best coloring book, which does so much monster-dissolving magic that even if you wait to try the techniques, you’ll still feel better about everything.
Self-fluency is hard enough, we need ways to to interact with the thoughts-fear-worry-criticism that shuts down creative exploring. And when people get the manual, I am able to me spend more time writing here. So if you don’t need help with monsters, get one for a friend. Or plant a wish that someone gets it for you! And bring people you like to hang out here. The more of us working on our stuff, the better for all of us. ♡
Keep me company?
Consider this an open invitation to deposit wishes, gwishes, personal ads. In any size/form you like, there’s no right way. Updates on past experiments are welcome too, as is anything sparked for you.
Commenting culture: This is safe space for creative exploration. We are on permanent vacation from care-taking and advice-giving. We are here to play.
Let’s throw things in the pot! And: Amnesty. Leave a wish any time you want.
xox
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Thank you for safe and comfortable wishing space!
Last week I made tremendous progress with The Loosest End. I have done my part. Time to let things simmer. (Mmm, tasty mixed metaphors)
This week, I am wishing for…
…More unpacking and nesting.
…Lots of satisfying creative work.
…Deep peace and contentment.
Yes, please, and thank you. <3
Oh wishes. I am working with wishes right now.
I want to get closer to the essence of “I play with brilliant people in a hotel in Paris.” To know more about this wish that is astonishing in so many ways.
I want spaciousness and presence and more spaciousness. Congruence. I want to find ways to have those qualities even when I’m in a space I don’t control that seems their opposite. And I want gentleness and compassion for my response to being in this space. For all the discomfort to seed greater understanding of these qualities.
I want safety, and compassion for my experience of not-safety.
I want a gentle reintegration for my body and my emotions. Healing and ease. To not do the pattern of “now I am back in a safe space so I explode.” I mean, of course I’ll do that pattern because I’m not done with it yet, but I’d like to do it differently. “Now I’m back in a safe space so I jump and scream and take a very long walk and then ask consciously for extra safety and spaciousness?” “Now I’m back in a safe space and I notice the wanting to explode and I lower expectations and give myself extra compassion and maintain the smallest gap between me and my stuff?” Something like that. Progress that’s doable.
Mostly just more spaciousness, presence and safety.
Havi, the way you describe wishes landing makes me think of butterflies landing on your hand – beautiful and breathtaking, heartstopping, please-pause-this-moment, sweetly, painfully, vulnerable and joyful and miraculous.
And how normal it is to want to cement this moment into place, to MAKE IT LAST. But you can’t cement a butterfly into place and you wouldn’t actually want to.
I will think of my wishes like butterflies and choose to see the pain/joy/vulnerability of receiving them as invitations to practice gratitude and grace and equanimity.
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3
I AM IN AN ICE CREAM SHOP OF WISHES!!!!
AND I CAN HAVE WHATEVER COMBINATION OF ICE CREAM I WANT BECAUSE — SOVEREIGNTY!
I WANT TINGLE-POSSIBILITY! WITH RAISINS!
I WANT SWEET RECEPTIVITY! SWIRLED WITH GRATITUDE!
I WANT REST! (MADE WITH ORGANIC FREE=TRADE CONFLICT-FREE REST BEANS.)
I WANT MIRACLES! DOUBLE SCOOP OF THAT!
I WANT FORGIVENESS! WITH CHOCOLATE CHIPS!
I WANT EXQUISITE, MIND-BENDING BEAUTY! WITH A GENEROUS DRIZZLE OF GLOW-SIGH.
I WANT LAUGHING WITH PATTERNS! (I HEAR THEY JUST CAME OUT WITH THIS NEW FLAVOR. THOSE CRAZY KIDS UP IN VERMONT.)
I WANT ABUNDANT CONDUCTING! FEET UP ON THE WALL! BABY-SMILES! LOVE-IN-MISSION! LOVING MISSION! LOVING MISSIONARY-STYLE! (SOMEHOW I AM THE ONLY GIRL IN THE WORLD WHO REALLY LIKES THIS? WELL, I DO AND I WANT MORE! THIS WEEK, PLEASE! WITH WALNUTS! NUTS!! GIGGLE.)
that is all.
Oh, and a yumbrella. Please.
I LOVE YOUR ICE CREAM SHOP AND YOUR EXCLAMATION POINTS AND YOUR ALL CAPS AND YOUR GIGGLY NUTS AND YOUR YUMBRELLA AND YOUUUUU. <3 <3 <3
Oooh I want some unconditional forgiveness of past-me, too!
Actually, I want a total internal love-fest.
A few weeks ago, I wanted to stop thinking (mostly subconsciously) of myself as a waste treatment plant of other people’s stuff, and then I wanted to find out what the opposite of that was, and then I found out (from a clew in the saying everything twice [twice] book) that the opposite is to invite pleasure and delight, and now I want to find out how to throw an internal love-fest with pleasure and delight as guests of honor. And I see that my monsters of RealityCheck and OhNoYou’llAlwaysBeAnxiousAndDepressive are here, too, wondering if they’re going to be invited to the party or if they’re going to have to crash it.
So for this week, I shall plant the wish to acquire the superpower of loving hostessing. To find out how to simultaneously uphold my boundaries AND practice unconditional forgiveness AND every-feeling-is-legitimate.
Oh what a beautiful wish! Pleasure and delight!
To echo Kathleen: Havi, here you have created a safe space, filled with spaciousness and permission; thank you. Of course, creating spaciousness and welcoming and gratitude and acceptance is an ongoing activity, tat never ends. Just as we never stop being filled with wonder at butterflies alighting beside us. I absorb strength and effervescence with these posts and the fountain that flows from them.
For this week I’m wishing for Acceptance and Nothing is Wrong and Sunshine and Movement and Seeing All the Clues.
And (impossibly? oh why not), the beginning of Weaving the Rhythm.
Here is my wish: I want to go to Bolivia. My visa is expiring in a few years, and can’t be renewed. and it has become clear to me that Bolivia is where I belong. So, rather than waiting around to see if someone comes along who I want to be in Bolivia with for the rest of my life, I’m going by myself. I have been called to Bolivia, and I am heeding the call.
I am wishing, and I am taking the steps to get there. And I am wishing that my steps are fruitful and that my flight is not delayed.
may it be so!
Updates (LEVITATING WRINKLY FRUITS??!)
There is motion in the SPACE-iousness.
Focus is applied/applicable/happily-appley
Poinsettas are lining up. I invoke more Ease as this unfolds. Ease, Comfort, Enthusiasm, Happiness.
I have the means now to acquire the Neutron Vortex. I invite it to join the set of Space Opera: S2.
The Ease I invoked for Green Stuff has entered POWERFULLY. I have leveled up in E4GS! Invoking Ease, Clarity, Security, Multiplicity, Generosity for the next level.
I continue to invoke Time for Hand Gazebos.
HOLY FUCKING STELLAR RESONANCE BOOM. Agent L and the Snippy Squids (just one guy!) are mine/are me!
Deliveries from the Gwish Jar…
+Maximum Operational Tranquility In Vital Apricot Triangle Icepops Oscillating Nefariously!
+Metronome: now with more Sparklepoints!
+KARAOKE (not a proxy! (maybe also a proxy))
+BIG TIME magic in the Space Opera technical department
+great success in Op: Delhi Minnows
+Disney Cruise (proxy (maybe also not a proxy??) )
+awesome Singing Gazebos this summer (and always!)
+great success in Op: Rainbowladders
+Show Me The Bubbles!
POOF!!!!!
Mmmm. I am appreciating this lovely way to treasure & cherish wishes! And thinking thinky thoughts. Thank you Havi 🙂
Today felt like my lucky day. I wandered into my inbox and boom! There was this email telling me about this post about wishes. Wow, I thought, she’s writing about wishes again…just what I need! (Yes, my mind quickly reminded me, of course she’s writing about wishes…that’s what she’s been doing for the last 247 weeks!) Still, even after knowing that, it felt like you were writing about wishes for me. Because it’s what I need to read. So thank you for that. <3
Last week I fell in love with the phrase {Wow, what a beautiful wish} and I still love it very much. In fact, maybe it's because I told all my wishes that they were so lovely last week that I felt movement on them. Maybe like some butterfly wings flapping like one of our fellow wishers mentioned.
I wished to feel like I used to feel (such a beautiful wish!) and it was the very wish that my Monsters most ridiculed me for, but then VOILA! I feel so much better and Things Feel Different. It's so good!
Today I am wishing for others to have their wishes come true. I know it feels so good when it happens for me, and I want others to feel that sweetness and comfort and joy that comes when a beautiful wish comes true.
To wish for something is such a beautiful thing…and to have this special space where I can come and wax poetically (or otherwise) about wishes and how lovely they are….well, as others have mentioned, is a terribly wonderful thing.
And like you mentioned, Havi, about having a nice relationship with wishes, or being a good friend to your wishes, this is what I feel happening the more I come here and write about wishes each week. It keeps the idea of wishing alive in me and that's something that feels fresh and exciting.
So i wish for others to have their wishes (such a beautiful wish!)
And I wish to feel inspired to do beautiful things that help me see bigger pictures than I sometimes do. I wish to be a visionary! To see things differently! Big picture big picture big picture. (I don't know where on the blog I can read more about saying things twice, but that part wanted to be said thrice…)
I wish for enthusiasm and zest for life. {wow, what a beautiful wish!}
I wish for laughter and aliveness. {wow, what a beautiful wish!}
But mostly, right now, I wish for others to know the JOY and YAY and RELIEF of having a wish come true. Because, the global WE are all deserving. <3
A beginner’s sign workshop! That is a *breathtakingly* beautiful wish. May it be so, in some perfect form.
xo
A beginner’s workshop for sign language — yes, to echo Max, may it be so. A beautiful wish.
Wishes as butterflies — I love this.
Here are some of my beautiful butterfly wishes:
Recovery for MrB to continue
Recovery for me after the crises with him and the BB
Abundant resources for doing my main job(s)
Echoing some of Havi’s wishes: “That was easier than I thought it would be” and “miracles are everywhere”
Welcoming the wishes with gratitude and love, surrounding them with hope and more love.
Sending welcome and love to everyone else’s wishes.
(welcome and love to these beautiful butterfly wishes!)
Thank you in advance, Kathleen at the very top!
With the help of salve of “Thinking One Thing, Feeling the Opposite, and Recognizing That”, I wish for more Packing and Un-nesting; with ease, please.
Mmmmmm, what a beautiful salve-wish!
Oh, what beautiful wishes!
Wanted this week:
Warmth. I am cold. Ramen helps.
Like the other wishes, beautiful. And Just Right.
Report on past week’s Want Ad: Good News from the Job Front, then Bad. Now Ugly. It’s a job, soon, unless otherwise pre-empted, and I think it’s ugly. And I stepped on it. The Dude’s tiny sweet hope squished. I’m glad I got the Extra Large Economy Pot of Self-forgiveness Salve. He hadn’t noticed. Obviously, the salve of “Thinking One Thing, (Yay, Job for the Dude!), Feeling the Opposite, (Boo! Commute from Heck that Uses Most of the Money and Will Break Him) and Recognizing That” is Quite Necessary. Dab, dab.
Still playing the LoL Game, even though The Dude says I don’t have to now that he has a job, soon.
Keeping an Eye on: Nasty things I can imagine happening in the near Future, but have not Happened Yet – and May not Happen soon, or in that way.
Hmm… hello wishes.
I am finding the part about not immediately trying to make wishes happen (or shut them down) to be really resonant right now. Because I have been wishing for Boston for a while, and suddenly it seems Boston is going to happen, and it’s not going to look like anything I thought it would look like. The more I have tried to control how the wish was going to come into the world, the further I have gotten from myself and from the intentions and qualities of the wish.
So right now, I’m not planting any new wishes. I’m just going to invoke some [safety] and [community] and [sovereignty] and [joytrust] around this one wish-apparent. (A wish-apparent is like an heir apparent… a wish that is inevitably going to come true. I just invented it.)
oops… double post! This wish must really want to come into the world.
Haha, perfect timing for Saying Everything Twice. And: what a beautiful wish, what a beautiful wish!
Hmm… hello wishes.
I am finding the part about not immediately trying to make wishes happen (or shut them down) to be really resonant right now. Because I have been wishing for Boston for a while, and suddenly it seems Boston is going to happen, and it’s not going to look like anything I thought it would look like. The more I have tried to control how the wish was going to come into the world, the further I have gotten from myself and from the intentions and qualities of the wish.
So right now, I’m not planting any new wishes. I’m just going to invoke some [safety] and [community] and [sovereignty] and [joytrust] around this one wish-apparent. (A wish-apparent is like an heir apparent… a wish that is inevitably going to come true. I just invented it.)