It is Friday and we are here.
{a breath for Friday.}
What worked this week?
Legitimacy.
The thing that I am currently feeling, it makes sense.
And there are lots of reasons why I might be feeling that way, and all of them are legitimate. And I also might have forgotten or overlooked very legitimate reasons, and that is legitimate too.
I am allowed to feel this feeling. I am allowed to not like feeling this feeling. I am allowed to not like that I do not like feeling this feeling.
Legitimacy is the one thing I know that genuinely shifts perspective. Actually, it shifts a lot more than perspective.
Anyway, I was able to remember this, and it worked for me.
Going to bed.
Sometimes, often, for me, that is just the thing.
And a lot of times I forget that this is even an option. Occasionally I even forget at night.
Next time I might…
Maybe not make that face?
I was in a dance class, and the teacher demonstrated something with the help of a student. The student misinterpreted a move and made THAT EXACT FACE THAT I ALWAYS MAKE WHEN I SCREW UP.
It’s a mix of apologetic chagrin and “please don’t hate me”, and it’s not particularly attractive, and it doesn’t feel fun, but more than that, I finally understood something about glowing boldly, which has been my big wish these past months.
Makings this face is the opposite of committing to glowing boldly, and suddenly I was able to see just how much I no longer wish to make that face.
It’s not that I wish to not screw up. It’s dance. Dance is improvised play with a thousand rules to remember and another thousand to joyfully break. Dance is alive and always changing. I’m going to fall on my face sometimes.
What I want is to find out what it would be like to respond with a smile. Or with steadiness. Or a steady smile. I am ready to be done with making that face.
For now I am just going to experiment with noticing when I make that face, and thinking something reassuring to myself. You’re doing great, honey. You are trusting and trying.
And maybe I can try a new face. Just an in-between one to break things up for a while. Or I can think MAKE A FACE and laugh.
Anything I can do to interrupt the pattern counts.
Eight breaths for the hard, challenging and mysterious.
- Oh sometimes I think I am not made for having an internet job. I can’t handle the energy of it, it is so completely overwhelming. Except then I remember that I am not able to function in a regular person job. A breath for being a highly highly sensitive person.
- Got very overwhelmed by projects. Also overwhelmed by the prospect of figuring out how to take care of house things and overhead for the Playground and the chocolate shop while I am divesting myself of projects for this upcoming year of Shmita and releasing. And oh, sometimes letting things go is so very hard. A breath for presence, trust, and being present with trust.
- I said this last week: I’m ready to leave Portland. I want to be somewhere quiet, peaceful, breathtakingly beautiful. A breath for allowing myself to want what I want, even if this isn’t something I can address quite yet.
- My wonderful uncle Svevo was visiting for the weekend, and one of my big life wishes is more time with Svevo, except I had deadlines and aforementioned projects, and so I chose work over play, for what felt like the thousandth billionth time that this has happened. A breath for making peace with my choices.
- Augh, working out after new years is the worst. The studio is packed full of people, and everyone is being super territorial about space. I found myself wanting to actually punch someone. And then I checked the app that tells me where I’m at in my cycle, and I was NOT anywhere near the nine day period when wanting to punch people is a thing. A breath for hey, babe, you are okay, and for being in [secret undisclosed location] next January in a place where this won’t be an issue.
- Hahahahaha we are back to getting a hundred emails a day. I’ve been on email sabbatical for SIX YEARS, and in general that has worked really well. I mean, I still don’t see these emails. But I know they exist. A breath for this too shall pass, and for better systems in place.
- Various things not working, or maybe just the perception that things don’t work. The printer. Going to a dance and not enjoying myself. Trying to figure things out. A breath for recognizing all the clues that come with discomfort.
- Inhale, exhale. May all misunderstandings and distortions, internal and external, dissolve in love if not in laughter. Goodbye (and thank you), mysteries and hard moments of this week. May I choose to trust-more love-more release-more receive-more
Eight breaths of good, reassuring, delight-filled.
- I went to a foxtrot class! Twice! So good to be dancing again. Oh how I have missed dance and learning, both of these. A breath for remembering.
- I have been spending very little time in online spaces I used to frequent, using Marie Kondo’s question “does this bring me joy?”, and exiting when the answer is no. Or not entering to begin with. Much excitement about creating new neural pathways. A breath of relief and thank-you.
- Plum Duff! We did a ton of work, and made our once-in-a-while New Stuff And A Sale thing happen. Monsters say we were three months behind, and yet how can that be because it happened this week, which means that was the right time. A breath for all timing is right timing.
- Joy and Sweetness: again, still, more. Napping happily in my lover’s arms. Feeling peaceful and steady. A breath for a full heart, and for closeness, in many forms.
- I have a computer again! And the hard work is paying off. I finished FOUR ebooks, TWO Havi-Announces-A-Thing pages, five blog posts! I cleared out half my closet and also the problem room. A breath for being in the zone.
- I was brave this week and did many brave things and now I get a hundred billion sparklepoints. A breath for trying.
- I was feeling kind of low, and Max said, “Havi, you are a great adventuress! You are! If this were the 19th century, everyone would be reading your biography!”. I cannot even tell you how much this cheered me. I need someone to tell me this a thousand times a day. A breath for trusting this. I am a great adventuress. I can do this.
- Thankfulness. So much is good. Dancing. Figs. People who care about me. Everything is okay. Nothing is wrong. Now is not then. All Timing Is Right Timing. A full breath of deep appreciation in my thank-you heart.
WHAM BOOM! Operations completed.
Oh wow, everything got done this week, again. All the HATs were finished. I finished editing all twenty six thousand words of the Terpsichore Springs book which went out to its dear readers. Plum Duff went live. Feeling excited. Thank you fractal flowers. More goodies soon, to those waiting patiently for Internalship ebooks, there are three of those being edited! And also: Wham Boom.
Revisiting some wise important words of truth from past-me.
Of course: Sovereignty casserole. It even has a story about flowers.
Superpowers…
Powers I had this weekā¦
I had the power of It Is Safe To Let This Go. And the power of telling someone at dance that he was hurting me on the double turn.
Superpowers I want.
I want again the superpower of the superpower of Things Resolve Themselves In Unexpected And Sometimes Elegant Ways.
And the superpower of Let Go And Do Less.
The Salve of Let Go And Do Less.
I realized this week that if ideas were visible, I’d probably be on one of those shock-value television reality shows about hoarders.
One of my intentions for this new year is “NO MORE PROJECTS!” — picture a picket sign! — and so of course I am being offered wonderful-sounding projects right and left.
When I remember the salve of Let Go And Do Less, I remember to love more trust more. I stop thinking that I am the one in charge, and that if I just finish all the things on my list, somehow everything will be okay.
The salve softens me, it softens everything in me and suddenly I remember that the world is not going to fall apart. If anything, I am going to fall apart if I keep pushing, so I might as well breathe and trust, and focus on doing things that help me do more of that.
The salve of Let Go And Do Less has a subtle sparkly sheen to it. It secretly restores your crown and polishes your jewels. It makes room for perfect simple solutions that you couldn’t see while you were running around trying to make things happen. This salve goes well with tea, and suddenly I remember that there is time for that too…
If salve does not appeal, you can have this in tea form, as a bath, cocktail, whatever works for you. Not only is there enough salve, there are also enough ways to receive it.
Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!
This week’s band is called A Brumby For A Friend, and I have no idea why. I found it on an orange post-it note in my kitchen, definitely my handwriting. They’re loud and raucous, and clearly Australian. Their latest album is called Clown Water, and it turns out this band is actually just one guy.
Attenzione! Attention, AGENTS.
GUESS WHAT! The Plum Duff sale is happening right now!
We have new things. We have beautiful, wonderful adventures.
And everything is HALF OFF, so go to the Plum Duff page! Password: enter-with-roses
Come play if you likeā¦
Join me in the comments. Some of us share hard and good, some of us say hi, or maybe we’re feeling quiet. My ritual doesn’t have to be your ritual. Whatever works for you. We’ve been doing this every week for years now and there still isn’t a right way. Feel free to leave pebbles (or petals!), hearts, warmth, sweetness. Those always work.
Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. Weāre supportive and welcoming. We donāt give advice.
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever you like, it’s no big deal. And I am blowing kisses to the Beloved Lurkers. I love that you are here too.
Follow
Question: what’s the name of your period app?
It’s called P tracker lite, was the only thing I could find that wasn’t focused on tracking For Purposes Of Babymaking, and it has room to take notes!
I use the same app and I love it! The default set of symptoms and moods is pretty darn useful as well.
Happy Friday and cluck!!
So happy to kick this year off! It’s the 9th already and I feel like I have not truly Embarked yet. SO…
the big deal is this is the Golden Year! Woo hoo! this is still revealing itself to me, but there are so many clues:
-Sovereignty and Sustainability
-choose joy every time
-Exquisite Well tending
-general treasuring of myself
-Priestess is our guide this year
I would find a clew and bam! there it would be on the blog.
what sucked:
-the weird love/hate with Miami, and the weird in-transition-ness of Miami to Denver
-the Stupid SItuation. Ugh it’s so stupid!
-having sister-women encroaching on my downtime when I am completely without spoons. Being so spoonless that I have trouble articulating boundaries = more encroaching
but truly everything is pretty good:
-not having to cut vacay short due to Stupid Situation
-going to the Everglades and Isla Morada solo
-8 days of sobriety, no jones
-making good changes over vacay even if they did kinda evaporate upon returning home
-being okay with letting go of X
-lots of optimism etc for new year
-entering a weekend for catching up, catching my breath, Embarking
-getting EXACTLY the Plum Duff thing I wanted. being okay with not Shipping out, and charting my own excursion
Hello, Chicken
The Hard:
– Stupid ear thing and fear of going to the doctor, and all my stuff about that. Then I did go to the doctor and even though it was fine (actually way better than fine), my monsters have written it down as a humiliation and that’s challenging.
– I experiment often with eating wheat because I forget to trust my experiences and because I miss it. Then I get really sick.
– Finding out after the fact that my mom had to drive herself to the ER to be on an IV for hours. And all my stuff about wanting the people I love to care for themselves better, and wanting me to care for myself better too.
– Incredibly disrupted sleep on the part of the child. What happened to sleeping through the night? Also the two days she didn’t nap and just screamed. about. everything. And then people saying “well, maybe she doesn’t need to nap,” as if six+ hours of hysterical screaming is a sign of a well rested child. Maybe they do or don’t mean to say “you’re overreacting” but any perceived gaslighting is a huge trigger for me and I want everybody to know I’m not making it up. Probably I want me to know that.
– I am finding my kitchen beyond challenging and infuriating to be in right now. When it got cold and the chickens died I left a bunch of messes in the backyard because I was too sad and cold to go out there and then we couldn’t get easily to the trash and compost and when trash and compost aren’t moving out of the house I have an extremely strong reaction and then I don’t think it’s legitimate.
– Trying to find daycare. For the days we need. That we can afford. That isn’t too awful. On the one hand, even the jaw-droppingly expensive programs seem like they’re really not charging enough compared to the number of people doing the challenging work of childcare. On the other hand, I can “afford” nothing at all as far as daycare, so there is a gap here. And the waiting lists! And the applications! And the interviews! And the (non-refundable) application fees! It was easier getting into college.
The Good:
– My lovely husband took me to the doctor and she cleaned my ear and it was 95% better in five minutes and I can hear and move again. Pretty much the biggest going to the doctor and it actually helping success story I’ve ever had. Also really nice that after a year of fighting with the government, I have insurance and can do things like go to the doctor.
– I painted my office the brightest boldest pink and it is AMAZING. I stop in every time I walk by just to bask. I also put up some art from my favorite artist/former almost mother-in-law/biggest cheerleader for my own art, and it’s a wonderful reminder of this thing I want.
… I totally want to paint the rest of my house bright pink too. Or maybe turquoise.
– I’ve mobilized myself and the little out of the house every day for the last four days. We’ve played in the park, gone on long walks exploring neighbors’ yards, and even begun to clean up the backyard and face some of the sadness about the dead chickens. It’s nice to get out and to move.
– Asking for, and getting, lots of child-free time this week. Thank God.
<3s to all the Chickeneers!
Cluck cluck cluck (this might be two or three weeks’ worth of Chickens, I’m not sure. It feels like it’s been a while…)
The good
– one of my friends is going to Bolivia! Massive surprise!
– which has incidentally helped me get my head around a decision that I was procrastinating like nobody’s business
– there is singing at work and Pilates started up again this week and my lunchtimes are generally joyful
– writing is happening. And by writing I mostly mean reading and editing, but it’s still writing.
– oh oh oh, and I have a story being published on Monday by someone who’s not me!
– cheese. Cheese is good.
– I am excited about Plum Duff
– I have a word for 2015, and it chose itself. It is KIND.
The hard
– this world, my God, this world
– I am still so bloody tired and I don’t have a free day for another eight days and as a result I’m dreading things that normally I would really look forward to
– my mother’s house is not good for my health because I can’t cope with cold or cigarette smoke any more
– monsters are having a field day with this – imagine the Four Yorkshiremen sketch… (wussy mainlander!)
– house is full of all sorts of rubbish and I don’t even know where to begin getting rid of things and what to do with them when I have
– my own personal Bolivian freakouts, which have not happened when other friends have received their visas.
– monsters are having a field day with this too: I am a terrible friend for not noticing (aha monsters I may not have noticed the Bolivian visa on her kitchen table but I did notice other things, and check that it wasn’t a ticket to some less salubrious region); how dare I freak out about someone else’s good news; shouldn’t I be getting on with my own life; and so forth.
Hearts and pebbles and roses to everyone. Thank you for the salve.
It is Friday!
The hard:
Forgetting that not everything requires my response.
December me did not plan well moneywise for January me.
Things I think I wanted going to someone else.
The good :
Eventually remembering that not everything requires my response.
Making a note for next December me about how to give January me a lovely month.
Finishing the week proud of the work I did.
Hello, beaks and feathers!
As always, this week has been a mix of mystery and delight, but the one thing that really stands out is both really fresh (recent) and really Good: my editor says I hit it out of the park. A breath for seeing it through, and for book proposals.
The thing that worked well this week, and last, and the one before that, and that I’d pretty much like to remember every week? Asking myself, “Does this fit the mission?” and then taking the advice of my own answer. I can’t believe how long it’s taken me just to ask the question, let alone trust the answer.
Onward and upward, in grand fashion! Happy week, fellow chicken-herders!
It is Friday, and the sun is setting in my neck of the woods. Farewell, week! Hello, Chickeneers!
Hard stuff:
–I had to work while still recovering from a cold. I needed to carefully, carefully manage my energy and my voice.
–Little bits of disarray all over the house, because the whole family caught this cold and no one had energy to do anything.
Good stuff:
–Plum Duff!
–I asked a sovereign ask, with clarity and confidence and grace, and I received a yes!
–I love my work, and I love that there is so potential for expansion, and I *really* love the adventure of allowing that to happen on *my* terms.
–There has been excellent soup.
–I found a copy of Marie Kondo’s book on sale, and I got to read it before mailing it to my sister for her birthday.
Thanks for the wonderful salve! <3
I now invoke the superpower of My Force Field Is Also A Cozy Blanket…
(…so much potential for expansion…)
Week, oh week, what a week you were.
This was the week of the house being cold, and that gave me a clue about something that needs to heal, and then when I was doing a thing towards healing, I got a clue about the house being cold.
Excitements about Plum Duff and recent blog posts. Havi, these are received with love.
Worry about MrB — there are some indications that all is not well (even more than it has been). I have a plan to get more intel about what is going on and what help we might need/be able to get. And I got a bit of info that makes this look less negative than it did at first.
I want to spend the weekend writing and processing and I have trainings and activities to go to. Maybe I will find clues for processing while there.
In eight days we will be going to California. Even if the temps are below average for there, it will be better than what we have here.
I am noting that I have a lot of resources to help me with the hard stuff, and this is very good.
I read Marie Kondo’s book and started clearing out my clothes. Her second category is books, and I am going to leave that for last because so far every book I’ve touched has sparked joy *and* I’ve wanted to hold it and tell stories about it and why I love it and where it came from.
I have problems and I have ideas about how to address the problems, and at least some of my ideas will work.
What worked this week? Treating myself to an afternoon in Asheville. Speaking to people on the phone and in person instead of trying to solve things via e-mail. Wearing the long-sleeved undershirt with my polkadot dress.
Next time? pursue even more in person. It doesn’t come naturally to [introverted, whaling-through-things] me, but it’s inefficient as well as frustrating to be misread or misunderstood.
Hard:
* cramping during yoga. Argh.
* shoe domino maze. Good freaking lord.
* dancing/writing/gardening plans trumped by work vise. Oof.
Good:
* Work is great. A colleague was literally jumping up and down in my office with excitement during a conversation with me.
* My instincts were right about a gift to a friend. The pleasure of savoring their delight. I am the handmaiden of hedonism and it is fun.
* Thank you, Past Me, for the stash of roast beef and peppers in the freezer.
* The stars above my city tonight. The world is so very beautiful.
A power I had this week: ducking shoes. They sizzled up my force field some, but they didn’t land, and I didn’t throw shoes back, and Future Me is confident that the the force field will eventually absorb the shoes like rainwater on loam (transcending the frying-my-brain stage).
A power I’d like next week: getting myself to the dances.
Warm wishes to all y’all.
Read this week: The darkest nights give way to the brightest stars… * * * * *
The hard…
Arguing with meine mutter about the future, and the present. And my lack of communication skills mean we will have to talk about the past at some point since I didn’t bring things up in the moment. I need some trust that this will all be resolved- resolves itself in unexpected and elegant ways? Everything will be okay.
Not enough sleep, and working in a place willed with germs and feeling the sick creep up on me, and that allergic shiners even exist seems so unfair. Reminder of how important it is to take care of the physical me.
And, I stepped in a whole, and I have 0 good ankles now. š lots of physical sadness this week. And I’m an impatient healer.
The good…
Work!!! Finally! And so much better than school in every way (the irony of me working at a school is not lost on me, but teaching high school is way better than attending it).
I love teaching art more than I thought I would! Which means I can expand on this in lots of fun ways outside the public school system! An enthusiastic breath for possibility and learning and play. This was rediscovered every day this week.
Shoutout to delicious food for helping me remember that good moments are waiting for you in life if you just reach out and take a bite. Yum. What makes my tummy happy makes my soul happy.
Stepped in a hole, sorry about that! Though I like the little confused flip my brain does when trying to understand the sentence “stepped in a whole.” The visual I come up with for some reason is walking across the cosmos and stepping all over the universe. Stepped in /the/ whole, the whole of everything.
I love “stepped in a whole”!!!!
First complete week of the year is behind us, though I personally hope not at all symbolic of the upcoming year.
The hard:
– Coughing fits that keep me and my partner awake and are way uncomfortable.
– Still not having my mojo back, even though I took rest and then got sick so I rested some more.
I fear that no matter how much rest I take it won’t make a difference and I actually need to do something else. I’m torn between the rest and something else.
– Anxious about the state of my business. 2014 was a financial blunder.
The good:
– Recovered from the cold and started going out of the house, yay!
– Meeting with my 2 mastermind ladies after a long time. Deep stuff was discussed.
– Finally picked out the damn washing machine that we both postponed for the longest time.
– Started reading blogs again after my short Internet sabbatical, and it’s good to be reading them again. Facebook and Twitter I didn’t miss so much.
– Picked up the album of one of my favorite childhood comics from the library, and it’s even more gorgeous than I remember, and my fingers started itching to draw and paint again.
I’ll skip the superpowers for now because I still haven’t quite gotten the hang of it.
Have a wonderful weekend and a lovely week!
love to all chickeneers.
hard week
—–sudden loss of a member of my family-by-choice. She was 2 weeks short of 6.
—–too young
—–no fair
—–extended family reeling in pain and shock
—–so sad
+++++++++++++she was so loved+++++++++
+++++++++++++she loved so++++++++++++
+++++++++++++I am so loved++++++++++++
+++++++++++++I so love+++++++++++++++
<3 Rosie <3
That is hard indeed. (hugs if wanted)
-o-
Oh, dear. <3
Pebbles and hearts to all.
The hard:
-body is being obnoxious and sprouting pains and rashes all over the place. please do not do this, body.
-grandmother terribly ill and needing full-time care, which currently just my parents and I are providing.
The good:
-joining the grown-up chatting late last night with parents and friends. it was after my bedtime and I am tired this morning, but it felt like exactly what I needed. plus now I have intel on what I can do to help my mom out.
-using “Does this spark joy?” while going through old mail has been very fulfilling. I’m going to keep using this.
(huuuuuuugs to all who need &/or want them)
The hard stuff:
– The events in Paris.
– Occasional and before unknown subtle, between-the-lines attacks of bitchiness by my colleague.
– Digestion going pretty much on strike.
– Exzema
– Not being disciplined when it comes to not scratching itchy parts of skin.
– Back to square one regarding an unloved task at work. I had thought I had it out of the way, but, sigh, no.
– Having to work on Sunday.
The good stuff:
– Discovered an amazing Yin Yoga teacher and had two out-of- this-world yoga classes that made me float on a sea of calmness the days after.
– The yoga studio is not far at all so I can go regularly.
– Booked lovely hotel for a girls’ weekend in March.
– A really nice dinner invitation.
Yay for girls’ weekend!
Monday chicken is clucking in a little behind the rest……
This week, let’s see…
Hards, mysteries, eugh bleughs, etc
– oh god the world and the way of it. Humans, specifically. Pain and suffering and anger and distorted attempts at redemption or I don’t know. I ache.
– it comes and goes how well I can stay clear and grounded in the midst of above, and all the noise and opinions and arguing about it (including, you know, IN MY HEAD). Clearing out and defending my forcefield is a practice I am still… learning.
– school holidays means a *lot* of time with the kids. Also not sleeping the best. I’m getting sleep and still waking up not feeling refreshed. That’s so stoopid! Frustration!
– the demanding, tragically victimised toddler I used to be married to I mean hahaha did I just say that ON THE INTERNET??? Ho ho ho. Dude, your problems are not my problems any more, why do you still try and make them my problems, it’s boring and you are, in fact, a grown up with many options before you, pick one. FFS. Irritating.
– I really haven’t made any *friend* friends here, even after two years. This last spring really didn’t help. Boo.
– come ON cash!
Easeful, delightful, pleasing, etc…
+ MY LITTLE BOY EATS FOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!! Well, a *LOT* more than he or I thought he did. Condition? It needs to be cooked by Jamie Oliver. Or me, pretending to be Jamie Oliver. That’s okay, I have a cookbook, I have dvds, I have *pasta* with the dude’s face on it. If it helps Little Lad get through his fear and mistrust of food, texture, taste, temperature, I’ll do it. I have been COOKING ACTUAL FOOD, like, using a chopping board and the spice rack and everything. Not just something heated up from the freezer and boiling some peas and carrots. Food aversion has been especially hard to deal with when cooking had always been such a *pleasure*, to have what is going to be possible to serve so severely circumscribed for so long…. it was really really hard. AND NOW, thank you celebrity chef and all your phenomenonery, we have significant progress!!!! Whooooooooo!!!
+ I am looking forward to having liquidity to do oh, so many things. Daydreams and decisions have been fun.
+ I am swooping in with a secret sword! Oh, so excited. (Pomegranate is my spirit fruit).
+ Skype! It is the future!! I should totally use this amazing technology more often!
+ slow progress still progresses on the sorting of my house, slowly.
+ fatigue from stoopid sleep is still less eugh bleugh than legs of cement swamp feeling of this last spring. This is a VAST improvement on the situation. My head still chatters and spins but my body *is* feeling better. And maybe it will get even better than this!
xoxoxo
He’s eating food! YES!!
Shifting! Shuffling the deck!
At The Time I am releasing Mission: Lion Boat. The lion is transmogrified, embodied and eternal. I am welcoming the metamorphosis.
Enter: Sneaky Snake. Hello! Mission: Sneaky Snake is unfolding before my eyes. I have no idea what it is yet but it is full of clues and sneakiness and slithering and mystery. Everything about it fits.
AND I am breathing. Hello, breathing of breaths!
Breathing for the tanglings.
+A breath for the yarn that wonāt yarn the way I want it to yarn. Oh yarn! Why wonāt you yarn the way I want you to yarn.
+A breath for the Snow Flakes and all their flaking flakey flakiness.
+A breath for the Flutter Case. It is a very mysterious case. How does it happen? What causes the fluttering? Where are the clues? Someone should probably investigate this. SOMEONE ELSE š
+A breath for the Rainbow Jam. What is this about? I want to make this decision myself. But I am scared of it. And I am scared of what it means. So the This Is Someone Elseās Problem monster is here to protect me from it. Thanks, Monster! You are very sweet. Would you like a lollipop?
+A breath for the Yooshoodbee Monster. Hi! Isnāt there something yooshoodbee doing?
+A breath for the double-barrel of Spaghetti Dreams. Eek! I hear you! Eek eek!
+A breath for Code Orange. Also eek! Hello! Eek!
+A breath for the Passionfruit part of Mission: Sneaky Snake. I have this. I have as much of it as I need.
+A breath for forgetting the Balance. It is okay that I forgot this! There is more where that came from!
+A breath for the Casual Cockweasels [sneaky transphobic jokes in stuff] blech blech blech. Clearly this is someoneās fake band BUT IT IS NOT MINE AND I HATE THEIR STUPID MUSIC WAAH WAAH.
+A breath for the last bits of Waterbus. Wheel keeps on turning, round and round, round and round, round and round.
Breathing for the sparklings.
+A breath for the Flower Invitation. Wow! The yes! The re/cognition! This Flower is a Door! Even many doors!
+A breath for the entire Lion Boat adventure. WOW. AWESOME. YES. WHAMfuckittyBOOM.
+A breath for the Magic Massage Mushroom. Gwishing for more of those. Power up! SHHHSHHHOOM!
+A breath for Reentering the Forest. I was away from the Forest for a full terrestrial cycle and I thought that I would maybe figure out that I donāt need the Forest anymore by the end of it, but really I spent the whole cycle missing the Forest and wishing I were back in the Forest and gwishing to find my way back, and now I am going back and I feel so much YES about this. ALSO noticing how this is a mirror for Reentering the Fusion even though it will never quite be the Fusion again because whatever that will be, I feel YES about it now too, and watching the flow of things to make space for the whatever-itās-going-to-be-this-time thing is sooooooo good and tingly and YES.
+A breath for Agent Gray coming to celebrate The Day with me. Sneaky Snake Party up in here!!!!!
+A breath for rehearsal. REHEARSAL! REHEARSAL IS THE BEST THING. Oh, and everything is rehearsal. But REHEARSAL! REHEARSAL is the best rehearsal.
+A breath for Project SLIPPERS. Cozy!
Most all of my frustration is due to the fact the yarn in my life won’t yarn the way I want it to yarn, either. Gah!
But how in the world am I crazy enough to think that my yarn is going to do anything other than yarn the way it does!? Arguing with yarn? Even my cat knows better than do that. Maybe I can be more cat-like this week and see if that helps. Maybe I’ll learn to let sleeping yarns….yarn. And yarns that are doing other things…do their yarning thing without me getting all tangled up in it.
Been so long since I clucked along with everyone…
Hard:
– Bronchitis.
– 2015 feels like a blur so far.
– Emotional bankruptcy – really feel like I’m starting over with very little resiliency.
– Fingernails are an anxious mess.
– Overwhelm about life, work, love, mostly everything.
– Expensive car repairs.
– Massive impatience. Queue also: self-loathing about what a mess I am and how in the world did I let myself get to this point!?
Grateful:
– Havi and chickeneers are still here doing their thing — and I can show up any time I want to be a part of it all. Thank you!
– We have an incredibly cute cat that lives with us and makes me smile and feel at ease. =^..^=
– Showers and hot steam that courses through my inner channels. Ahhh.
– My friend LOVED the belated Christmas present I gave her.
– My car is working again and it feels like freedom. Thank you!
– I like the ways I can imagine that I could be nicer to myself. Feels like possibility.
– Sipping fresh coconuts through glass straws.
– Ordered new snow boots!